The Glade was buzzing the next morning, everyone was excited and I knew exactly why- today was delivery day. We get our monthly supplies and a new Greenie, another new soul is going to be tormented and sent to this private level of hell for some unknown cause that has evaded all of us. I didn't want to go, or meet whoever it was, I honestly didn't want to talk about it at all. While prepping for lunch, that's when the buzzer sounded and the Glade crowded around the hatch.
"You coming," Siggy asked while leaving the kitchen.
"Nah, I'll stay and prep," I told him.
Even though I did not care about delivery day, I peeked around the corner as they all watched Gally open the gate and shed light onto the new supplies and new kid. I didn't hear anything, no crying, shouting, screaming, crying. There was nothing. Gally reached in and pulled the new kid out and into the Glade. I couldn't see him really at all, everyone was blocking him. I'm guessing it's a him, I went back into the kitchen. If it was a girl, I'm sure they'd all be gasping and they would run and come get me.
Siggy came back into the kitchen after a while longer, he brought in some new stuff, looking like a couple bowels and spoons.
"New stuff?"
"Oh yeah," he smiled widely. "I love delivery day!"
"What about the new Greenie?"
Siggy shrugged," Looked scared. They always do."
"Were you scared?"
He gave me a funny look for a second before responding," Of course. We all are scared in the cage."
"How was it different when you got here?," I asked him curiously.
"Well, for starters, less people. I was one of the first 10 Gladers to be here."
"Really? Wow."
"Yeah, so less structure definitely, less buildings, less daily routine. Alby has done a great job making this place run, we wouldn't be the Glade without him."
"Wasn't Nick in charge at one point too?" Siggy looked at me sideways so I quickly added," At least that's what I heard."
Siggy cleared his throat," Yeah for a bit he was," he paused for a second. "He did good too. Nick. He was good, but some people just can't handle this place. Nick was more focused on getting out than keeping the peace. So he retired and gave it all back to Alby," Siggy chuckled for a minute. "There was even a time when people thought Newt should be in charge."
"Really?," I asked, almost cutting my finger on the edge of the knife.
"Oh yeah," Siggy nodded," but he didn't want it."
"Why not?"
Siggy shrugged," I don't know. Hey, make sure that's cut up small, when they're too big people complain," Siggy rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, sure," I nodded, cutting into smaller pieces.
Newt? In charge? I wonder what this place would be like? How would he have changed the Glade different from Alby? I wonder what he would have done when I came up?
As I was leaving the kitchen for the day, I saw Hank and Mihno running into the Glade and I couldn't believe me eyes. Alby sent them out!? He said everyone was staying in the Glade! I thought he was airing on the side of caution!
I ran over to them, Hank did not look happy to see me.
"What are you doing? I thought nobody was supposed to leave the Glade?"
Mihno glanced to Hank and then told me," That was just yesterday."
"But the Griever could still be out there," I looked between them.
Hank scoffed and crossed his arms," There is no Griever's out during the day."
"There was yesterday. It could've killed you and Ben," I told Mihno.
"We didn't see anything unusual. I didn't hear a Griever either."
"That's because there wasn't one there," Hank told Mihno then glared to me.
"You think I made it up?," I couldn't believe it.
"Hank, stop," Mihno warned.
"All I'm saying is that there has never been a Griever out in the daytime before, then you just happen to hear one?"
"I didn't want to hear one," I told him, trying to stand my ground.
"Are you sure?," Hank asked me, he didn't believe me.
"I was worried out of mind! I thought that it was going to hurt them," I pointed to Mihno. " And you think I made it all up? Why?!"
"Let's calm down," Mihno stepped between us. "Arguing gets us nowhere."
"He is calling me a liar!," I looked around Hank. "I'm not liar!"
"Then where is the proof?," Hank asked me.
"If I was allowed in the maze, I'd show you," I countered.
"Enough," Mihno pushed Hank away. "Hank, go on."
Hank backed away still looking at me, then finally turned and headed toward the kitchen for lunch.
Mihno face me," Sorry about that."
"Do you think I made it up?," I asked him, crossing my arms.
"No, I don't think that."
"But other people do?," I asked him seriously.
Mihno rubbed the back of his head," It doesn't matter what other people think."
That means yes! I clenched my fists.
"Great," I nodded. "Great to know people think I'm a liar" I turned and stomped off towards the tower.
How could they think I made this up? I need to talk to Alby right now. How could he send them out there? Does he not believe me either? Why do they think I'm lying? I wouldn't make something like this up! Who would?!
Alby wasn't at the towers, so I went hunting for him in the Glade. I finally found him by the showers, I marched up to him with no hesitation.
"Why did Mihno and Hank go into the maze?," I asked him.
He looked taken aback by my bluntness, I stood there not intimated by him anymore. I was angry, angry that he put Hank and Mihno in danger. Angry that he lied and said people were supposed to stay in the Glade. Why would he risk them like that?
"Uh, Greenie...," he paused. "Maybe we should talk about this later?"
"No, I don't think so."
Alby stepped back and gestured to the person next to him," Well, let me introduce you to the new Greenbean."
I glanced to the new kid," Hey," then turned back to Alby. "How could you send them out there? It wasn't safe."
"Now is not the time," Alby deflected my question.
"You think I lied to you?," I asked him blankly.
Alby leaned in," I will talk to you later," he said then turned back to the new Greenie.
They started to walk away but I called after them," I didn't lie!"
I was bubbling with anger and turned to go to my room and get away from everyone when I ran into Newt, literally.
"Ouch," he stepped back.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Newt! Are you okay?"
"Yeah, no, I'm fine," he chuckled then paused," Are you?"
"No," I answered honestly. "Everyone thinks I lied about the Griever! Alby sent out the Runners this morning and they could have been killed, but not in his eyes because I made the whole thing up."
"Alby said that?," Newt asked.
"With his actions, yes. And Hank told me that he doesn't believe me either."
"Okay, take a deep breath," Newt instructed.
"Do you think I made it up!?," I was outraged.
"What? No! Of course I don't think made it up. Who make up something that bloody awful?"
"Because if you think I made it up, tell me right now."
Newt put his hands on my shoulders," I don't think you made this up," he looked deeply into my eyes.
"Well, apparently, you're the only one," I shrugged him off and walked away.
"Hey, stop," Newt ran in front of me. "Stop."
I closed my eyes," Newt."
"Take a deep breath, there that's right. Feel good? Better?"
I open my eyes," I'm not a baby."
Newt stepped back," I know that."
"Then stop treating me like one and be honest."
Newt didn't skip a beat," Some people think you made it up, that it was just the maze shifting."
My breath caught in my throat and my voice came out squeaky. "Make sense, right? Why would I tell the truth?"
"But it doesn't matter, all the bloody shanks here don't know anything."
I took a deep breath in," I miss Jackson," I told him with the tears swelling in my eyes.
"I know," he said wrapping his arms around me. "It's okay."
I wanted to cry but I didn't, I pulled away," Are you even allowed to touch me? Probably another rule, Gladers can't be withing 5 feet of a female Galder," I wiped my eyes.
"Don't do that," he said softly.
I bit my lip, holding it all back," Why is it so hard?," I asked him in a whisper.
"Because, you see this for what it all is," he stepped towards me. "You see that this isn't a real life, you know there is more out there, better things. Things you deserve," he titled my head up to look at him. "You aren't fooled by this place."
I sniffled," Are you?"
He smirked," Of course not."
I felt the pressure of his fingertips on my jaw and closed my eyes, finally listening to him and taking a deep breath.
"Is it going to get easier?," I wanted an honest answer.
"It might get harder first," he told me. "Especially with you being so different," he said and I opened my eyes to see Newt staring at me with his wide chocolate eyes, shining into me.
"Different?"
"Different is good, it'll help you survive."
"I hope you right," I tell him.
Newt moves his hand, brushing my hair behind my ear and letting it settle on the side of my neck.
"You are strong," he told me.
I smiled," Not really. I've been a complete mess, I feel like I cry everyday now."
"That doesn't make you weak," he looked down at me. "You have to let it all out. Bottling it up is so much worse."
"Is that what you did?"
New paused for a second, "Yes," he said faintly.
"Well, the next time you need to let it out, I'm here for you," I told him. "Just like you've been there for me."
He smiled," I'll remember that," he pulled his hand away.
I awkwardly looked around me, it seemed I was lucky in that fact that no one else had witnessed my mini meltdown. I guess not too many people come to the showers during the day.
"Want to go for a walk?," Newt asked.
"That sounds perfect," I smiled and we headed for the wall.
"Is it better this time around? With the new Greenie?," Newt asked after we had walked in silence for a few minutes.
"I didn't really see him, I kind of just went off on Alby in front of him."
"Good first impression," he joked.
"Tell me about it..."
"I wouldn't worry too much. Can't fix what's already happened."
That's true, I thought as I reached out and grazed my hand against the wall.
"When are we going to make that obstacle course," I asked him.
He laughed," When we have supplies."
"So never?"
He shrugged," Never say never."
We entered the deadhead and I veered off the wall, going towards my tree with Newt following me. Being there made me feel better, calmer, almost happier in a way. I felt at peace, like I had a place to myself where I could be alone and not be bothered.
"Are you going to the bonfire tonight?"
"I honestly forgot about it," I told him. "The last one was...," my voice trailed off as I remembered the last bonfire. Newt told me I was a good friend and I cried with Jackson. Not my best night.
"You should go."
I shrugged and stretched," I think I'll skip it, I don't want to run into Alby. I kind of blew up on him."
"Don't worry, Alby doesn't hold grudges."
"I also don't want to have to be around Jackson..."
"Why not?"
"Because it's too hard. I want to just be able to be around him, but I can't. And it almost hurts more when he has to pretend I don't exist. At least when we're not around one another I can pretend he's just busy or something."
"It won't-..."
"Last forever?," I finished for him. "Yeah, I know."
He chuckled," Seems I need a new line."
I smiled," So, I heard something about you today."
"Uh oh," he smiled. "What did those bloody shanks say about me."
"It was Siggy actually, he was telling me, you were almost in charge of the Glade once."
"That's a funny way of putting it."
"Why?"
"Well," Newt sat down and leaned against my tree," I didn't want the job, but the rest of the lads did."
"Why didn't you want it? I think you would have been great."
He grinned," Thanks, but it was Alby's place, not mine."
"I... I just like to think you would have done things differently, you know?"
"How so?"
"Like, with... me," I looked away from him. "That you wouldn't have made it such a big separation thing."
"I would have wanted you to be comfortable. Doubt you would get that sleeping in the Homestead."
"That's not what I mean."
"I know," he stopped joking. "I think Alby's just stuck because he doesn't know what you want. You should just be honest with him."
"I was. I told him that he needed to stop treating me so differently."
"Maybe he doesn't realize it."
"Well, aren't you number two? Can't you talk to him?"
"I could," Newt offered. "But I think you should be the one to tell him what exactly you want."
Newt was right. He doesn't know what I want... but neither do I. Not entirely. I know I can't live here with these rules and punishments that make no sense. I know that things need to be changed.
"I should talk to him," I admitted.
"Maybe tonight at the bonfire?,"Newt suggested.
"No, I'll wait until tomorrow. Don't want to ruin a fun night, right?"
"Talking to him won't ruin his night. Alby lives for stuff like this, he wants us all to be safe and happy here."
Good luck with that.
"Well, we'll see," I said sitting beside him leaning back against my tree.
We sat there for a while, not saying anything, just enjoying the day together. I was weird to me to think I could get this comfortable with him so quickly when only a few weeks ago just the sound of his name made me nervous. If we would have been here alone then I would have been sweating, fumbling, making a complete fool of myself, stuttering through sentences and wanting to run away during all the awkward silences; but here we were, and the silence was happy, it didn't feel stiff or strange. I felt peaceful and relaxed, the whole situation with the maze and grievers just seemed to vanish.
"You really like it here?," Newt caught my attention.
"Yeah," I admitted. "It's my favorite spot in the Glade."
Newt looked around," I remember the last time we came here on a delivery day..."
He's talking about that night of the bonfire... when he asked me if we were friends. He remembers that?
"You remember that?"
He looked to me," Of course."
"Me too."
"Not my best night," he mumbled under his breath.
"What?," I asked him. That's exactly what I thought...
"Oh, I just mean that... that night was not my best," he gave an awkward laugh.
"Why?," I asked him. "Too much hooch?"
"No, not that. Just being here brings back when we came here that night."
"I remember. It was so pretty that night, I could see the moon coming through the trees."
"It was pretty," he nodded. "I was just so... such a bloody idiot," he admitted and threw his head back against the bark.
"What? Why do you say that?"
He laughed and looked up at the trees," Oh, because that was the night I was trying to tell you I liked you. And we both know how that turned out... I was just so... so nervous."
I scoffed with a smile," What?"
"Yeah I was... I wanted to tell you, but then it all just became such a mess."
"It wasn't that bad," I tired to tell him even though it had crushed my heart.
"It was. At the bonfire, everyone made you tense, bringing up things like the Greenie... but I also spent half the night thinking you liked Jackson so I wasn't going to do anything, then when you said he was just your friend, I was actually a bit relieved."
"But you still didn't tell me?"
"Well, then I thought, maybe Ben?"
I rolled my eyes," Of course."
"And when you said no again, I got scared you would be mad if I told you," he looked away bashfully.
"Mad? Really?," I was surprised.
"Yeah," he admitted. "Just because everyone here thought you were with Jackson, I didn't want to upset you. Like assume you should be with someone or something," Newt shook his head, making his curls bounce. "I was just in my head."
"That night," I thought back to it all. "I was nervous too," I admitted. I turned to Newt," Jackson kept teasing me the entire day, telling me it was a date."
"Really? Who knew Jackson was so smart," Newt joked.
"Was it a date?"
"I... Well... I wanted it to be one," Newt blushed. "But it was not the way I had planned." I smiled, I can't believe Newt thought it was a date. Jackson was right. Newt continued," I wanted you to have a good time, really get to know everyone but then we left and... shuck, you were just so beautiful that night," Newt's eyes were melting into me.
My heart paused and my cheeks burned, there he is a again saying beautiful. Why does that make me feel so different. It makes me feel happy.
"Really? You thought so?," I turned to face him straight on while he still leaned against the tree.
Newt nodded," Insanely beautiful. But somehow I shucked it up and asked if you thought I was a good friend," he grinned then groaned. "What a bloody mess that was."
I looked into my lap and smiled," Yeah, that did hurt," I admitted gently.
"Did it?"
I nodded," I thought... I don't know. When you said we were friends, I thought you didn't see me the way I saw you and it hurt, but it wasn't your fault. i should have been upfront. I should have just told you... but I wanted to keep living in a fake world, because I didn't want to hear you say you didn't like me."
"I should have just told you," Newt stated, looking down at the ground.
"No, don't do that... it's a good thing you didn't probably."
He turned to face me, so now we both sat looking at one another," Why do you say that?"
"It was only my first month in the Glade, everything was so new and crazy, to be open about that so early it would have been a bit overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I would have been crazy happy, but also just as nervous around you." He chuckled and folded his legs beneath him, and I asked him another question. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
His smile faded," I don't know," he admitted. "I wanted to spend time with you, you made me laugh... but every time we were together, I wanted to say it, so I was torn. And then you told me... and I almost didn't believe it all. Thought maybe I was making it up in my head," he looked at me sincerely. "Especially the part about you wanting to kiss me," Newt's cheeks flushed with a tone of crimson.
I covered my hands with my face, so embarrassed," I know, I can't believe I told you that," I tired to laugh it off. "If you thought the bonfire was a mess, that day was a disaster. I was so flustered, I could barely get the words out. I thought I would die from the embarrassment."
Newt laughed,"When you first started talking, I could barely make sense of it."
"I had no idea what I was doing... Jackson had forced me into it... it was so bad," I cringed at the memory.
"Jackson is way smarter than I have given him credit for," Newt chuckled. "I need to go thank him."
"Thank him?"
"For making us do what we were too scared of. I mean he set us up to go to the bonfire, he's the one who made you tell me how you felt"
I grinned," We do need to thank him."
