I fell asleep and only the shaking of my body woke me, it startled me and pulled away from the touch of the stranger.

"Hey, hey...," a soft gentle voice whispered. "It's me."

I blinked, the bright sun was practically burning my eyes.

"How do you feel?," Newt's voice was unmistakable.

"Tired," I told him, squinting against the light

"I brought you some food," he gestured to the bowl in front of me.

"I'm not hungry," I looked away from the green mixture.

"You have to eat something," Newt sounded worried.

"I'm not hungry," I repeated. "Why is it so bright? Did I sleep all day?"

"Yeah," Newt nodded. "You were asleep when I can back from the meeting and you slept through the night, I just woke you up because... well, I was getting scared you were dead or something."

"I slept through the night?," I panicked. "Lee!? Does that mean that-..."

"He's gone," Newt stopped me. "Banished last night."

"Why didn't you wake me!?"

"Believe me, I tried... you were really out."

"So... he's really gone..."

"Forever," Newt confirmed.

Good! I hope he suffered.

Newt's hand went to arm, he gave me a soft squeeze," Hey... Tell me, how are you feeling?"

"I'm... relieved in a way... I'm glad he's dead."

"I am too," Newt admitted.

"Newt, how did the meeting go?"

Newt took his hand from my arm and straightened up, we were both in the Slammer, he was sitting with me in the small space, his legs crossed underneath him. I sat up more, my back protesting, it felt so stiff and tough.

"It went well, I think. The lads, I think most of them get it now. Alby and I did our best, explaining everything... we told them about Jackson, we tried to put everything that happened into a understandable perspective."

"But some people just don't get it," I sighed filling in the blanks. "I knew it wouldn't work..." I tried to clear my throat, it was still sore from crying and screaming all day.

"But some of them do... and Alby did a whole Glade vote, skipped a Gathering all together."

"Really?," I was actually surprised.

"The Glade chose to let it go," Newt bowed his head to look me in the eyes. "Everyone's decided to just start fresh. A new Glade."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means that you're free. No punishment, no Slammer, no nothing."

"Wow... that's... I-I didn't expect that."

"Now," Newt pushed the plate to me. "Eat something so we can go," his voice wasn't as chipper as it had been just a moment ago.

"Go where?," I asked but my brain filled it in on it's own. The burial. It's today.

Newt looked to the dirt floor," Today's the burial," he confirmed.

Jackson's burial... because he's dead.

"Newt," I choked on his name. "I... I don't know if I can... I-I'm not ready," the sadness unleashed inside me, crashing against my body like a tsunami.

"I'll be there with you," he took my hand in his.

"I... I d-d-don't w-want to say goodbye" I let the tears fall.

Newt lifted his hand, brushing the tears away tenderly," We don't have to go."

I shook my head," No... I do. I have to g-go," I tried to compose myself.

Newt moved the plate away accepting the fact I wouldn't be eating any of it and turned, crawling out of the Slammer with me following behind him. I hadn't been to a burial here at the Glade before, I didn't go to Nick's. I didn't know what to expect as we walked into the Deadhead and fell upon the crowd of Gladers gathered. Everyone was there. Absolutely everyone in the Glade. My breath caught as I saw he freshly filled in graves, the three of them lined up beside one another each of them symbolizes a life that was gone.

Newt took my hand in his, giving his support to me without words. Alby spoke, he mentioned Joe's passion for grass folding, Tucker's love of gutting animals and Jackson's loyalty. I felt like that was for me, Alby was telling me that Jackson would be known for his fierce dedication to others and not the pervert everyone had thought him to be only a few weeks ago. Everyone knew the truth now, that he wasn't some creepy Bagger, he was a good person.

It was inescapable that I cried, I knew it would happen and I didn't fight the tear as they came. The last few days they seemed to always be there, a permanent stain on my face seen by everyone who glanced my way. Billy walked up to me when Alby finished, he didn't say anything, he just gave me a small nod and walked on. Aidan however thanked me, he told me that Jackson talked about me a lot and that he knew how good of a friend I was to him. I looked for Siggy, but he had left already and I wondered if I should go help him, now that I was the only one...

"Come on," Newt pulled me with him, turning me away from the graves and back to the Homestead. "You need a shower and a change of clothes."

I looked down, he was right... My clothes had mud caked on them and dirt from the Slammer, it was mixed with the dark cherry colored blood. Joe's blood... It was still on my arms and my legs. I followed Newt blindly, he lead me into the shower room, a fresh stack of clothes was there and a towel.

"They might be a little big," he told me. "All of your clothes... they, well, they burned up."

I nodded," Right."

"I'll be outside," Newt left the room and I looked the showers.

I turned the water on and took off my clothes, the sheer exposure gave me goosebumps. I watched the steam from the hot water and let my hand pass under, it was hot. Really hot. I grabbed the small makeshift soap I had and stepped under the scalding water, my skin screamed from the contact. I held the soap in my hands, I knew I was supposed to be working to scrub the dirt and filth off me, but I just stood under the water. Is everything just going to go back to the way it was? Newt said the Glade will be different, but will it? Will anything here really change? The water's temperature was changing, it never stayed warm for long and I felt the shift from warm to cool to cold. I should be done, I looked to unused soap in my hands, my hand trembling from the feeling on ice on my skin. The water had done most of the work, but there was still some stuck on grime, clinging to my skin. I closed my eyes and raised my face the falling water, my knees were shaking and I knew I couldn't stay under much longer. How will things change now? What new rules is Alby going to add... maybe things will get worse and it'll feel more like a prison. I turned the water off, my body couldn't take it anymore and wrapped a towel around me while my teeth chattered.

I looked towards the door, Going out there, I'll have to face everyone again. What did they tell them, what do all the Gladers think of me now? Do they really believe it... What do they think of me? Do they think I'm some liar?

Outside I heard Newt talk to someone, turning them away because I was inside. I slowly put on the new clothes, they felt different almost softer and I lifted the shirt and smelled the fabric. It smelt like the sunshine and the fresh grass, Newt... I closed my eye and took another deep breath in. My bra was disgusting and there was no way I was going to put it back, so it felt different to not have anything on my chest except a shirt. I came out and Newt pushed off the wall, he took my dirty clothes.

"I'll get them washed," he told me.

I shook my head," I don't think I can wear them...," my eyes caught the deep red stain of blood.

Newt nodded," Sure. I get that." I yawned, my new clean skin was hugging me, almost lullying back into the dreamworld. "You should get some sleep."

"I should go help Siggy..."

"Don't worry about him," Newt told me. "He's got help," he put his hand on my back and guided me to the Homestead. He placed me in the same hammock he had before and took my shoes off. "Get some sleep."

He didn't have to tell me twice, I went right to sleep, this time it was different.

I was sitting in the Glade, the sun was high and I was laughing, but clouds came quickly and then it was cloudy and dark. I tried to get back to the Homestead but I couldn't, instead I went into the maze. As soon I stepped in the rain started to fall and I was cold, I turned back to go to the Glade but the door was shut. I pounded for the doors to open and screamed for someone but no one could hear me There was metal clicking noise behind me, I held my breath and turned around, and a Griever pounced.

"Ahhh!," I sat up, swinging out of the hammock and falling onto the floor, landing on my shoulder. "Ow," I groaned and untangled my feet from the hammock above me and lied on the floor. Some people around me growled, I had woken them up accidentally, but they rolled away from me and went back to bed. I stayed on the floor, looking up at the ceiling in the dark room, I heard the noises of the Gladers around me, the content snoring or an occasional cough.

The maze... after everything, it's the only thing that's always there. Too bad it can't be killed. Why can't we kill the maze, burn it to the ground, we could just walk away from the ashes. They can't expect us to stay here forever, can they? Maybe they do... maybe this is the only world. But it can't be... babies are real. Dogs are real and cats... Houses are a thing, but I haven't ever seen one before... yet I know they're real.

A name. Names are real, but not for me. I am just a greenie, nothing more, not even worth a title. Not worth a real identifier. Just a girl and that's all I'll ever be to this place. That one girl who came up from the box, a new challenge.. all she did was cause problems, get people killed and run away.

I must have stayed up all night, because around me the Gladers started to wake up. I didn't move, even with the boys all talking, laughing and joking, I just stayed on the floor. It took extra motivation and energy to force myself to sit up and then more time before I could get up and move through the room. I felt like they all gave me a second glance like they didn't expect to see me in the Homestead.

"Greenie," Zart called my attention, I turned to see him throw a new shirt on.

"Zart."

He stood face to face with him, his eyes danced around the room, like making eye contact with me would be awkward. Zart cleared his throat," I'm sorry," he finally let his eyes rest on my face. "I... I just wanted to say that."

I didn't know what to say to that. Do I thank him? What's he even sorry for?

But Zart didn't wait for a response, he gave a curt nod and then left. I waited a few seconds then followed him out into the morning, I didn't walk with a destination in mind but my feet carried me to the kitchen. I could hear Siggy inside, probably rushing to finish breakfast since I didn't wake up and get here on time, Newt had told me not to worry, but now I felt the guilt build inside me. I reached for the door when it swung open and Siggy practically ran me down with a pan in his hand.

"Greenie!," he jumped back and his hand rested on his chest. "Trying to kill me?"

It stung, in my eyes I had already killed 4 people here in the past 2 days, I didn't want to kill anymore. I knew it was a joke and he had just be startled, but it still stung.

"Sorry," I bowed my head.

Siggy composed himself," What'r you doing here?"

"I just came to help."

"No, no, no," he shook his head. "Alby's orders you take some time off."

"But I can't..."

"Greenie, just take some time."

"You can't feed the Glade alone," I felt the familiar sting in my throat. Alone. He's alone now... Joe's gone. It's my fault. Siggy could see the pain in my eyes and he heard the desperation in my voice. "Siggy...," I couldn't bring myself to finish my sentence, the words of my apology were stuck.

Siggy opened his arms and wrapped me into a big hug, he gave me a tight squeeze," Come back in a few days," he told me before going over to his fire.

I stood by the kitchen for a while looking over the Gladers as they were starting their day, moving into their jobs, like the events of the past days were wiped from their memories. They walked around, talking, joking, smiling like we were all here. How can they act like this? Watching them was making me feel ill, so I left, escaping into the trees and away from prying eyes.

I reached out to feel the rough bark of the tree beside me, but it gave me no comfort. The sun was speckled on the dry leaves tumbling on the ground, leaves were falling and some of the trees were bare. I hadn't noticed the change in seasons, even with the sun out, there was slight bite in the air, but it was nothing serious. I kept walking, ready to move to my own place when I froze.

Jackson.

There just past the small bump of land, through the sparce amount of trees was the graveyard. I took another step, and then I could see the fresh plots. In my early morning haze, I had forgotten why these place was called the Deadhead. A part of me wanted to run away, I didn't want to see it again... but there was a larger part that kept me moving. Then I stood in front of the graves, closer than I had been before, close enough to smell the dirt. There they were... Tucker, Jackson, and then Joe.

Jackson, a tear fell down my cheek. It's my fault. It's my fault you're here. I killed you... my best friend. You're dead because of me and now you're... you're gone.

"I knew you'd be here," Ben crunched with each step as he approached.

I didn't even know I'd be here, I thought.

Ben stood next to me, he put his hands in his pockets and looked down.

"It seems so long ago that you were the one who found me here," he cleared his throat.

Nick, my eyes drifted to the grave to the left of Tucker's. It was covered over now, almost impossible to tell what it was meant to be and what it signified unlike the three in front of myself.

"Nick," Ben echoes my thoughts. "He was the first person I'd ever seen die..."

"I remember," I said softly.

We were both quiet. Now we had seen death, not once but more and now in so many ways.

"I know how much you must miss him," Ben broke the peace. "I remember how much I missed Nick, how much I still do."

"You still miss him?," I asked wiping the last of the wetness from my face.

"Yes... it's not so bad now. I still think about him but... life goes on," Ben turned to me.

"Life goes on...," I repeated the hollow words.

But not really. Not a real life. Just the Glade... The Glade goes on.

"Can I give you a hug?," Ben asked.

My lip quivered and I fell to my knees into the cold dirt, the new warm tears came. Life. Does it really go on? Jackson's life isn't. He's dead. His life will never go on. He's life is over and now he's in the ground. He's buried under dirt and he'll never get a chance to leave this place.

"Come on," Ben pulled me up. "Let's go." He wrapped an arm around my back and steadied me on my feet, leading me away from the graves. "She's okay," Ben called to someone.

"Hey, hey, hey," Newt was now in front of me. Without any hesitation, I pulled from Ben and fell onto Newt. "I got you," Newt stroked my hair.

Gone... forever. I'll never see him again, my wailing grew louder.

Newt scooped me up and carried me, I clung to him until we stopped and slowly we both were sitting on the cold leaves. Newt whispered soft things into my hair as I cried, his shirt once again stained with the salty concoctions from my eyes. It took time, but the tears stopped but I didn't let him go. We sat there in silence, Newt rocking me in his lap.

"H-He's gone," I hiccuped.

"Yes," Newt didn't want to say it.

"Forever..."

"Yes."

I didn't want to let Newt go, I never wanted to leave his lap. I didn't want to move. If we died then and there, I would have been fine with that.

"It hurts so much," I balled my hands with the material of his shirt.

"I know."

"Why d-does it hurt so much?," I choked on my breath.

"You loved him," Newt told me.

"What? N-No...Newt, I... I," I looked up to him. I wasn't in love with Jackson. And that was the first time I had looked at where we were. We were at my tree, Newt resting against it while he held me.

Newt soothed me, by stroking my hair," He was you're friend," Newt clarified. "You loved him in the same way I love Zart. He was a friend and that love is strong."

Newt was right. I did love him. I loved Jackson, he never doubted me, never questioned my existence. Always made an effort and was the most selfless person I had met here.

"I did love him," I whispered. "I miss him...I miss him so much."

"I know," Newt pulled me closer. "I know."

"Newt! Newt!," someone was approaching.

I wiped my eyes and sat up straighter, ready to jump out of Newt's lap but Newt didn't flinch as the Glader came into view.

"Newt," Mihno stopped when he saw us. "It's the new Greenie," he pointed behind him. "Alby needs you."

"What's wrong," Newt asked, I could feel his muscles tense beneath me.

"Not sure," Mihno looked like it was important.

Newt's wide eyes turned to me, I could see his was torn. I didn't want him to go, I wanted him to stay. I needed him.

"I'll be back," he shifted, lifting me up to set me down on the cold ground.

"Newt," I didn't let go of his shirt.

"I can promise you," he told me, his back was to Mihno as he faced me. It felt like it was just the two of us again as he filled my entire vision.

"Come back," I told him with a small voice.

"I will come back," he wrapped his hands over mine, still leeched onto his shirt. He wasn't forceful, he wasn't even trying to pry my hands off of him he just covered his hands with mine. His warm course palms stroked the back of my hands, his eyes searching mine. I let go of him, but he didn't move away. "Wait here," he told me, then gave my hands a squeeze.

Then he was gone, running with Mihno back through the Deadhead towards the maze. I wasn't alone for long when Gally came for me, he said it was time for dinner.

"Dinner?"

"Days almost done," he told me.

Was it really? Did I spend all day here?

"I'm supposed to wait here for Newt," I told him, drawing my legs in.

"He's the one who said to come get you something to eat," Gally grinned. "Come on," he extended a hand.

I didn't take it right away, I didn't want to leave... but I didn't think Gally would lie, not anymore.

Dinner was cold, something made from the corn. I didn't eat a bite of it, the only thing I could think of was the red blood that had stained the corn, it was Joe's blood and the place where he had died. Gally had me sit with him, and the Builders and the Bricknicks.

"You look good Greenie," Alec told me.

I squirmed with the compliment, I didn't know what he meant. Do I look like someone who's coping? Like someone who knows what they're doing? Or do I look like some crazy girl? Lee was there friend and sitting here next to them all felt wrong. lee probably had them convinced I was some sort of girl who was working her way through all the Gladers.

"Wish you were back in the kitchen, though," Henry grimaced. "Tastes like klunk."

"Seems like Fry's hitting it hard, eh? Must miss Joe," Alec stirred the stuff on his plate. "I'm sure you miss him too," he added.

I tensed, Joe. He's dead because of me. I put my hands in my lap and bowed my head, I didn't want to look at any of them.

Gally changed the subject,"Alby says the new Greenie was hiding in the Bloodhouse."

"What for?," Henry's face scrunched up.

Gally shrugged," Don't know."

That's where Newt must have gone, I raised my eyes and looked towards the Bloodhouse. Is he still there?

"I heard the shank got a knife, tried to cut himself," Carl leaned in and whispered.

Gally sighed," When will this place be normal," he muttered.

Henry turned to me," So Greenie, glad to see you, yeah?" I nodded and he smiled," Look, I know Gladers are a bit harsh, I get that..."

"Henry," Gally's tone was warning.

"Hey, look all I'm saying is that...," Henry recollected himself. "I think you and Newt are a good couple."

Couple? What? I lifted my head up, the whole table was now quiet.

"Henry you slinthead," Gally mumbled to himself.

"Good that, Henry," Carl defended. "We've all seen how Newt's been after her, Gally, and I think it's about time they made it up."

I looked to Gally and he was shaking his head, embarrassed of his friends, but not as embarrassed as me.

"I didn't offend you, did I?," Henry sounded worried. "I just meant that you guys seems good together."

"Henry, slim it," Gally ordered.

Then the table was quiet, an awkward silence filled the air and I couldn't handle it. I stood up, leaving my bowl at the table and left, Gally tried to say something but he faltered and let me leave without so much as calling out. A couple? People think we're a couple? They really do think I'm jumping through the boys here?! That I'm some sort of desperate girl? I went out behind the Slammers and sat against the Homestead, I had no where to call my own now, not except my tree. Lee must have told them I asked for it... that I wanted that. They must believe him and blame me for his death.

"Are you okay?," it was Ben, he had followed me.

"Leave me alone, Ben," I turned away from him. He didn't say anything, just stood there I could feel him looking at me. "Shuck!," I stomped my food. "Just go!"

He left, I could tell without turning around. I tried to compose myself, not letting myself break down again. The sun was fading fast on the Glade and I was tired, but where should I go? To the Hammock I've been sleeping on? Maybe I can just sleep put here, in the Slammer.

"Ben told me you were over here," Newt came around the corner. "You alright?"

I took in a deep breath, keeping my back to him," I'm fine."

"Be honest with me," he asked and I heard him silently pleading.

I turned around," Honest? You want honest?... Honestly, I'm a murderer. Nice to meet you," I waved. "Everyone here knows it... they won't say it but they know it.

"No-...," Newt tried to talk but I spoke over him.

"Not to mention they all think that we make a good couple. They think 'oh maybe she'll finally chose a Glader, she's had three now.' They all believe him, they believe Lee," my voice cracked. "Now you stand there looking at me, I see how sad you are. You look at me and you pity me... don't you? You know none of this would have happened if Alby had just listened to me! I told him there was a Griever in the maze! Didn't I? I said it!," I jabbed myself in the chest with my finger, my voice had gotten louder than I had planned.

"If anyone killed them, it was Alby!," I shouted. "Now my friends are dead. They're dead! Because he didn't believe me... because no one here believes me! They all think lied about everything. Jackson, Lee... now you," I shook my head. "I can't do it, Newt. I just can't do it!"

"I don't think you lied," he told me bluntly. " I think you told the truth, every time."

"You're the only one," I slowed my breathing. "And I don't ... I don't think I can take it. The stares and whispers... everyone talking about me, assuming things."

"Everyone here knows the truth," Newt stepped forward. "Whether they believe it or not, it's their own bloody problem."

"It's my problem too," I retorted.

"I believe you," Newt stepped forward again, closing the space between us. "I have always believed you."

I shook my head," No... no... My reputation here is nothing. I'm just the girl with no name, the liar, the man crazy girl. I... I think you should leave me alone," I said the words without thinking.

"What?"

"You should just go...I don't want more people to think that your just the next guy on my list. I can't handle it if we stay this way and... they all think that," I wiped the tear before they fell. Newt was silent, I didn't look up to him, I couldn't look him in the eyes... not now. Now the tears were coming to fast to wipe away, I watched them fall and hit the grass.

"I've killed my very best friend... the only person here that...," and the words stopped. They were muffled by his body and his wrapped me up in his arms. I held him tightly and wailed, I lost Jackson. I lost my best friend and now I was pushing away the only person I had left.

It was dark now, the Glade was asleep, Newt picked me effortlessly and hauled me into the Homestead. The boys were all sleeping and snoring while Newt laid me onto the hammock, like it was something he did every night. He didn't say anything as he turned away, but I grabbed his wrist, he slowly looked back down at me.

"Newt...," I choked on his name. "Stay with me?"

His face was hidden by the casted shadows of the room and he still didn't speak, he pulled out a piece of the hammock and awkwardly climbed in beside me. We re-situated without a word between us, he lay on his back and I was on my side, curled against him, my leg draping over him. It was intimate, more than I expected, but it felt right for him to be there. His right arm wrapped around me, his fingers stroking my shoulder as my right hand rested on his chest.

"I know my favor," I told him after a few minutes of silence. "The one you owe me."

He didn't respond right away and I thought maybe he was asleep "What is it?," he asked in a whisper as I listened to the steady beating of his heart.

"Stay with me," I closed my eyes. "I just want you to stay with me."

"That doesn't count as a favor," he told me.

"Why not?," I moved my thumb back and forth, feeling his soft shirt.

"Because a favor is asking someone to do something they wouldn't do normally, something that they see as a burden," Newt brought his left hand up to my mine, lacing our fingers together. "And being here, with you, is the furthest thing to a burden for me."

I took in a deep breath, my eyes watching our hands sit on his chest. I could feel the deep sorrow inside me mixed with all my loathing and rage, it was all still there. But right now it was bottled and stored away, somewhere where it wouldn't bother me.

"I'll stay with you forever," Newt told me, I could barely hear him as I drifted into sleep.