I must have dozed for a while, because the swing of the hammock woke me from my light slumber. Newt was out, putting on his shoes and moving with the rest of he Gladers. I guess I have to get up too. Head to the kitchen. I didn't make any effort to move, I just laid there while he hammock swung back and forth.
Newt checked over his shoulder before leaving, but he saw my eyes open.
"Good morning beautiful," he smiled and crouched beside me so we were eye level. "Getting up?"
"I know I should."
"If you need another day, Fry won't-..."
"No," I used his words for motivation and spun out, landing my feet on he floor. "I'm ready."
Then in a blink of an eye I was in front of the kitchen, I could see Siggy inside, he was bustling around, doing the work that I used to do. I watched him silently, his focus was so intense he didn't see me, not until he was running out to check on the food he had on the fire. He saw me, for half a second he froze and we locked eyes, and that was all it took for regret and sadness to overwhelm me. Siggy moved towards me after that half second and wrapped his arms around me, as tears fell from my eyes.
"Girl, I got you," he squeezed me tightly. "Let's get in," he ushered me into the small narrow space of the kitchen.
"Siggy, I'm so sorry,' I wiped the tears and tried to calm myself down.
"I am too," he patted me on the shoulder. "I gotta check the carrots," he dashed out of the room.
Control yourself, I demanded in my head. You can't just keep crying at everything! I wiped the final tears from my face and looked to the counter, everything felt exactly the same: bowls on the counters, dirty knives, voices of Gladers in the distance mixed with the faint smell of smoke. Here I was back in the midst of it all, no more running away from it, I had to face it. Siggy came back in with a large pot and set it on the floor, inside was an orange mixture.
"This morning it's cooked carrots, not much but I've been doing things easy lately."
"Yeah, I'm sorry for being gone."
Siggy brushed it off," If I was you, I'd be gone too."
"Siggy, I just want to say that-..."
Siggy held up a hand and turned to me," I feel it too, you don't have to say it," his hand settled back onto the counter. He paused for a minute, I thought he was going to keep talking but he didn't until he told me to start filling bowls.
That's how I spent my day, I just listened and did what I was told. I followed the orders given to me and it helped the time pass by; doing something other than sitting around all day was actually helpful. There was minute when all came back after I had served lunch and looked over my shoulder, waiting to see if Joe would come to take my place, but he didn't.
"Hey gorgeous," I jumped and turned to see Newt smiling at me. He chuckled," Didn't mean to scare you."
"It's okay," I settled myself.
"I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay, first day back."
I nodded," I'm okay. It's been okay." Newt kept his eyes on me for a moment longer and I rolled my eyes," I mean it."
"I know," he shrugged his shoulder. "Just gives me an excuse to come talk to you."
"You need an excuse?," I teased him slightly.
"I do unless you want me to come around all day."
"I'm sure Alby would love that," I started to collect the bowls.
"Did you eat anything?"
"Yeah, Siggy made me taste test everything."
"Newt!" Newt looked over his shoulder to Zart, who had called out to him.
"See you at dinner?"
"I'll be here," I joked.
"Good," he grinned and then walked backwards a few steps, keeping his eyes on me before turning and jogging towards Zart and the garden.
The day passed slower in the second half, but the work was still a great distraction Siggy gave me a small smile and a pat on the shoulder before her turned and left to go eat with the rest of the Gladers. Dusk was here, the sun slipping away, I knew my time was limited to go and visit Jackson. I searched the tables briefly but Newt was not here yet, so I went off into the Deadhead alone. I knew the way by heart, all the trees I past were so familiar to me now; I reached Jackson's grave and settled there.
"First day back in the kitchen," I told him. "It was okay, the day passed by faster than I thought it would. Siggy kept me busy." I looked over to the lot beside Jackson's, where Joe was buried. I heard a snap of a twig behind me in the distance, someone was coming, I assumed it was Newt so I stayed where I was.
"Siggy misses you Joe," I told him. "I do too," I added quietly.
"We all miss you, Joe," a voice added, but it wasn't Newt. I didn't even have to turn around to know it was Ben, it was getting so easy to guess by the sound of the voice who was talking.
"Seems you always find me here."
Ben shuffled up beside me," I find myself here more than I find you here," he said while looking down at the graves.
Why? You weren't close with Tucker or Joe. Jackson and you weren't friends either.
I didn't say anything, just turned back to the Jackson and Ben waited with me in silence as the last light slipped away from the Glade. It was then I stood up and before I could say goodbye to Ben, he spoke.
"Can I show you something?"
"Show me what?"
"Follow me," he turned and headed further into the Deadhead. I glanced back towards the way I came in, no doubt Newt would be looking for me now. Yet, I followed Ben, as he lead me to my once most prized piece of the Glade.
"This is what you want to show me?," I asked looked at my small tree in the shadows of the early evening.
"No," he crouched and ran he hand along the trunk. "This is what I want to show you."
I stepped over and looked at the small cute placed into the bark," What?"
"100," he said.
"100?"
"Yeah," his face lifted to look at mine. "You've been here 100 days."
Ben was close to me, his face was inches from mine and his eyes were searching me for something. I stood up so he couldn't find what he was looking for.
"Wow, 100 days? You've been keeping track?," I asked inspecting my tree's small budding blossoms.
"Yeah," Ben also stood. "Kinda a ritual I do now, come here in the morning and add another notch."
"You do realize you've been here longer, right?," I tried to joke with him.
Ben chuckled," Yes, I do. But at least this way I know it's been more than 100 days."
100 days. Here in the Glade for 100 days.
Ben shifted in his stance, he looked nervous, he was acting different. It reminded me too much of the time he told me about the griever stinger. I didn't like it. I watched Ben trough the branches, he scratched his neck and then turned to me.
"Hey, can I talk to you about something?"
I didn't like this at all. I stepped away from the tree and towards the Homestead," Can it wait. I'm tired," I lied.
Ben was quiet for a moment," Yeah, sure. Of course. We can talk tomorrow?"
"Sure," I nodded and started to leave. "Good night Ben."
"Night," he called after me and I was grateful he didn't walk with me. I went into the Homestead, but Newt wasn't there. It's dark out, where is he?, I wondered. If he's not back after my shower, I'll go looking for him, I told myself as I gathered some new clothes and went off to the bathhouse. The water was cold tonight, no matter what I tried, it would not warm up, so I made it as quick as possible. As I went back into the Homestead, I saw Ben, he was talking with Mihno and Hank, he looked to me for a second but I looked away. Then I heard Newt's accent float into the air, he was talking to a slicer on the other side of the room, seeing him made me more at ease. Newt looked over and smiled to me, finishing up his conversation as he walked over to me.
"Hello beautiful," he whispered to me.
I smiled,"Hello handsome," I giggled.
"Handsome?," Newt grinned and raised his eyebrow. "You think?"
I felt a rush of blood to my cheeks, we were just talking out in the open, Gladers all around us getting into bed, anyone of them could hear us.
I nodded and turned to the hammock," I think working all day has actually made me tired," the exhaustion had hit me like a truck.
"Good, because I'm beat," Newt rolled into the hammock.
"Long day?," I asked.
He shrugged," Just another day in the Glade."
"One day closer to freedom," I reminded him as slid in beside him, resting my head on his chest.
"One day closer," he repeated.
I looked up at him," Tomorrow, wanna go for a run?"
His eyes were closed but his lips formed a smile," Yeah, that'd be great."
The next morning, I woke up with the Glade and moved to my job. Following Siggy's orders was simple, easy to do and distracting. It wasn't until lunch when I saw Ben that I remembered he wanted to talk to me.
"Can I met you? After dinner?"
"Why? What do you want to talk about?," I asked.
Ben looked over his shoulder," It's kind of private."
"I don't know Ben," I looked down at the table.
"Just... Just meet me by the tree. It's important," he said before turning and leaving.
That only made it worse, my anxiety was starting to build, what could be so important? Why was Ben acting so weird? After dinner I made my way to the Deadhead to visit Jackson, no at all thrilled about the idea of talking with Ben.
"Ben has something he wants to tell me," I relayed the whole thing to Jackson. "I'm no sure it's good. He seems different," I shuffled my feet. "Maybe it's because of me, we haven't been very close lately. Ben and I just aren't really seeing things the same anymore, he didn't even believe me when I told everyone about the Griever. I hope it'll just be over soon," I sighed and looked towards where my tree was. "I guess I should go... I'll talk to you tomorrow."
I strolled past the trees, slowly when I heard a voice. Ben, he was talking, but no one was answering. i finally saw him, he was walking in circles around the tree, talking to himself, he sounded upset and look scared.
"Ben?," I called out and he looked up to me.
"Oh... hey," he stood still and ran his hands over his hair, like he straightening himself up.
"Ben, are you okay?," I asked him as I walked over.
"Oh yeah," he tried to laugh it off. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm good. How are you? Holding up okay?"
I looked down for a second," Yeah, I'm okay."
Ben drew in a deep breath," Good... I'm happy for that."
"Ben?," I took a small step towards him.
"Hm?"
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah," he backed up and circled the tree. "Just a... long day. You know how that goes."
"Uh-huh," I was not convinced. "What did you want to talk about?"
Ben sniffed his nose," Oh? It's nothing. Just forget it."
"What? Seriously? You held me in suspense all day and now nothing. Tell me."
"Oh...," Ben paused. "I got you a gift, well made it for you."
"A gift? Why?"
"To... uh... celebrate your 100 days of course," he smiled, but it was not convincing.
"What is it?," I investigated.
"Well... oh, well it was this uh, this really cool uhm... It was really cool rock I had found in the maze one day. Yeah, really cool and pretty and I wanted to give it to you as a gift."
I looked at his hands, they were empty. "Okay, where is it?"
"Oh, I dropped it and it's ruined... that's why I'm kind of upset. Just mad at myself... Sinthead that I am."
"It's okay," I met him face to face, no longer peering at one another through the tree. "Don't worry about it. Honestly, the tree was great gift itself."
"You think?"
"Yeah, " I smiled and looked at the bark. "Thanks Ben."
"Yeah, no problem."
"I have to go get ready, going on a run tonight."
"Run? I didn't know you still did that?"
I shrugged," I'm hoping to start again."
"Still trying to be a runner," Ben joked then his expression went cold and he looked like he might vomit.
"Uh... no, not really. Ben, you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. I gotta go," he said and dashed back to the Homestead.
I found Newt, who was stretching, he grinned happily as I approached him.
"Hey there."
"You ready?"
"Oh, born ready," he said cockily.
"Oh, is that so," I raised an eyebrow. "Feels like a challenge?"
Newt chuckled," Well, maybe it is? Or maybe you just want to run?"
"Challenge accepted," I smirked and lined up next to him. "Ready..."
"Set..."
"...Go!"
I leaped into action, running towards the deadhead at full speed, Newt right along side me. I focused on avoiding the debris at my feet and weaving through the trees. I looked to my left and saw Newt flying by, he looked over to me and laughed; it wasn't malicious, it was just because we were having fun. I couldn't help but smile and pushed myself to go faster. We were about to hit the turn of the wall, but up ahead I saw blackness cut into the green and brown like a harsh hallucination in my vision. I was caught off guard by the hard contrast and looked over, he are a was scorched, blackness cast over the once beautiful grass and up the walls of the maze.
The fire... I remembered and stopped running. This was my old room... I hadn't come back since that day, I didn't know I had done so much damage this corner of the Glade.
"You alright?," I heard Newt call.
I just stepped closer to the burnt section," I did this?," I asked him, my eyes locked on the damage. "This was where my old room was...," I looked over my shoulder at Newt. "You never told me it was this bad."
Newt stood behind me, hands in his pockets, eyes to the ground," It took some time to get the fire out."
"I didn't know that it was this bad," I looked back to the black. "That day... it had been so horrible," I remembered the pure terror I felt and agonizing pain.
"It was a bad day," Newt came up to me. "Now we have better days, right? "
I nodded," Yeah... but this... this is bad."
"Yeah," Newt agreed. "It was bad... now we just have to give it time to heal."
"Time?"
"Sure, in a few months, it should be back to it's old self, growing and green," Newt carefully took my hand in his. "Things take time to heal."
"What if it never heals," I asked, too scared for a real answer.
"Everything can be healed," he gave my hand a gentle squeeze.
I looked up to him," Do you really believe that?"
"Of course I do," he spoke sincerely.
""Newt," I sighed. "I've been here for 100 days. All that time, I don't think I've healed at all, I just think thing have gotten worse the longer I've been here; for me and the Glade. I mean, things are better than they were," I told him, now talking solely about myself. "Easier, I guess... but I don't know if I'll ever be the same like I was."
"That's okay," Newt assured me. "Things change sometimes, like the seasons and the weather, bu it doesn't mean it's not just great as it was the day before."
"Thanks Newt," the wrapped my arms around him for a hug.
"I'm always here for you," he whispered into my hair.
"I know."
We swayed in the darkness for a minute and then I pulled away," Being so close to this place, makes me feel weird," I admitted.
"Want to finish the race?"
I thought about and shook my head," sure, why not?"
Newt looked me over for second," If I kiss you, will it distract you enough for me to get a head start?"
I let out a small laugh," Only one way to know for sure."
Newt stepped back towards me and his hands landed on my cheeks as he leaned forward and kissed me softly. I went in for another kiss and then another and another, I was getting greedy again. Being with him like this was the best time of my day, it made everything wash away, not thoughts about fires or breakdowns, just him. This time, I didn't want to break it, we were alone together and I just wanted to really savor this moment between us. Newt's hands left my face and went to my wait, he pulled me closer to him as our kisses grew deeper while I wrapped my arms around his neck, fingers twirling into his curls. My boy was sparked, something inside had been lit up and I felt different, there was a passion for more.
To my surprise, Newt pulled away, his breathing was heavy and I could feel his heart racing. His honey brown eyes were big and wide while he stared down at me, his face unreadable.
"I think you're the most amazing person I've ever met," he whispered.
"Really?"
"You're so fearless, so beautiful and I think you're probably the best thing to ever come up from that bloody box."
"If I never would have met you, Newt... I don't think I would be able to survive all this," I returned his compliments. "You're the last thing I have left here," I reached up and gently kissed him one more time.
