I didn't really see much of Ben for the next three days, it felt like he was now avoiding me after our talk in the Deadhead; he'd see me and look away or turn and leave completely. I didn't understand why he was acting so weird, something was definitely off with him but I had no idea what it was. My curiosity was getting the better of me and I knew that today was he day off from running. I excused myself from the kitchen and followed him into the Homestead.
"Ben? Ben!," I called out to him.
He looked over and saw me, fear struck inside me," Uhmm... I- I can't talk right now."
"Ben, just tell me," I ran to catch up to him.
He refused to look me in the eye," Sorry, I have s-stuff I have to do. Can this wait?"
"No," I crossed my arms. "It feels like you're avoiding me or something."
"I'm n-not," Ben shuffled his feet.
"Ben," Mihno strolled over to us. "I need you to come with me."
"Just wait a second, Mihno."
"Sorry, Greenie," he ushered Ben away quickly, leaving me standing alone.
What was all that?!
I went back to the kitchen and helped Siggy finish the day, dinner was a simple meal and the Gladers ate with no complaints. Siggy left before me, he said Alby needed to see him about the supplies and stock, so I wiped everything down myself.
"There she is!"
"Our favorite Glader!"
Clint and Jeff hollered as I was locking the kitchen.
"Hey guys," I turned to face them. "Is everything alright? Do you need something from the kitchen?"
"Pfft, no," Clint smiled. "We came to see you of course."
"Oh... well here I am."
"Exactly," Jeff grinned.
"Jeff and I never get to see you anymore. You're always so busy!"
"Busy burning down buildings and falling apart," I tried to make a joke but it came out wrong. "Uhm, I just meant..."
Clint smiled," Some building deserved to be burned."
"Besides, it's way cooler to have you in the Homestead," Jeff added.
"Which reminds me, I did want to offer you the Med Hut again, if you need it."
"No," I smiled, thankful for their offer. "I'm good in the Homestead."
"Great," Jeff clapped his hands. "It's nice to just have everyone together."
Jeff and Clint then went to either side of me and linked my arms with theirs," We also have a gift you."
"So we're taking you hostage," Jeff joked.
I giggled, I never remembered Jeff and Clint being such goofballs.
"Well, take me to the slammer, I guess," I laughed.
"Not quite what we had in mind," Clint said and they walked me towards the Med Hut.
"The way we see it, Greenie, is that we were you're very best friends when you first got here."
"True," I agreed. But Jackson was my best fried. You guys were my first friends.
"And Jeff and I take that title very seriously," Clint smiled.
"You guys are starting to make me nervous," I admitted as we entered the Med Hut.
"Don't be," Jeff broke his arm away and went to the counter.
"Sit down," Jeff took me to the cot. "Close your eyes and lay out your hands, like that," he instructed while placing my hands out.
I couldn't help but grin, they were being so secretive, it was cute. I then felt something smooth and heavy being placed in my hands.
"Careful, don't drop it," Jeff told me.
"Okay, open your eyes," Clint said.
I opened them to see a large jar in my hands, inside was some sort of brownish-purple mixture. It looked thick and grainy, like some sort of paste. I turned the jar over in my hand, inspecting what was inside.
"Can I open it?"
"Of course," Clint laughed.
I unscrewed the top and the smell of fresh lavender hit me, after I adjusted I leaned in and took a big whiff and closed my eyes. It was such a nice smell and it made me happy.
"What is it?," I finally looked up to them.
Clint and Jeff shared the same smile," It's something we've been working on."
"We wanted you to help test it for us," Jeff told me.
"Jeff and I have found that this flower helps people relax, it has such great soothing qualities."
"One of which is it can help people sleep better."
"We think it'll be good to help with new anxious Greenies."
"And you want me to try it?," I looked back down.
"Yeah, if you would. It'll be a big help for us," Clint told me.
"All you have to do is take a some in your hands, a decent sized amount," Jeff demonstrated. "and rub in on the upper chest area so you breath it in."
"That's it? Seems easy enough."
"So you'll do it?"
"Of course, why not," I smiled.
"Ahh yes! Thank you! You're the best!," Clint and Jeff high-fived.
"Am I missing a party?," a new voice asked from the doorway. We all turned to see Newt grinning at us.
My heart smiled just looking at him," Hey," I stood up.
"You guys mind if I steal her beautiful self for a minute."
I felt a blush rise in my cheeks, he called me beautiful right in front of them! The sound of it almost made me feel dizzy.
"No problem Newt," Jeff replied. "We're pretty much done."
I went over to the door but before Newt and I left, Clint called out to the two of us," Hey! By the way, we support this 100%," he smiled widely gesturing to the two of us.
I knew my face was burning and I felt embarrassment flood inside me, but Newt just chuckled and said goodnight to the two of them as we left. Newt took the jar from me to carry and then he laced his finger in mine as we walked.
"Feeling bold tonight?" I asked trying to keep my heart from exploding.
Newt grinned," I just don't see the point in hiding it anymore," hen he turned to me, his smile gone. "Unless you're uncomfortable with it," he stopped walking. "Then we don't have to, I just thought that maybe-...," Newt started to stutter and looked helpless.
I smiled at how sweet he was being," No, Newt, it's fine," I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I kind of like it... you're right. There's no point in hiding it. Seems like Jeff and Clint already know and I'm sure the other Gladers can put 2 and 2 together."
Newt's lips tugged upwards again and we kept walking," Well, I have to take the blame for Clint and Jeff."
"You told them," I was a little surprised.
Newt shrugged," I needed them to distract you while I did this," he looked over and I followed his gaze. Underneath my tree was a blanket with a few torches to light up the area.
"Oh Newt...," I was star struck by the sight, it was so beautiful and thoughtful.
"I wanted to do a picnic kind of thing, but Fry would only give me some stale bread and beans."
"Oh Newt, it's beautiful," I turned and wrapped him into a hug. "I love it!"
Newt's arms tightened around me," I'm glad you like it," he whispered into my hair.
I pulled back to look at it all and really take it in," I can't believe you did this," I walked over to the blanket and then laughed," and look, stale bread!," I picked up the dry loaf.
Newt followed me over," Sorry it was the best I could do."
"Don't be sorry," I kneeled on the blanket. "I love it, really I do!"
Newt sat beside me and took my hand in his," One day when we leave here, I'll be able to do something much better."
I felt flushed at the idea," I'm sure you will."
Newt leaned against the tree," Come here," he pulled me close to him and I leaned back against his chest while he used the tree for support. "So, what's today's count?"
"Day 103," I told him.
"Getting to be a senior citizen here," Newt joked.
"Then what does that make you," I looked up to him, he was upside down to me.
"It makes me an ancient wizard."
"So you can do magic?"
"Have I never told you that?," he winked.
"Can you use a spell to get us out of here," I joked.
Newt took in a slow breath," I'm working on that one. The only spell I'm good at is asking for favors... one of them paid off nicely," he looked to the jar at the edge of the blanket.
I sat up and turned to face him," You?"
He nodded," I see at night how you struggle to sleep... I know you wake up randomly and then it takes hours to close your eyes again. I asked them if they had anything that would help."
I choked on a laugh," They made it seem like I was helping them... but really they were helping me?"
"Yeah, that was there idea not mine."
I cupped a hand on Newt's cheek," That's so kind of you. I... I didn't think you'd noticed. I always tried to lay as still as possible to not wake you."
"Of course I noticed," Newt leaned his face into my hand. "Sleeping is always the hardest part of getting back to normal," he told me.
I looked down at my lap," I'm surprised you don't have a spell for that too," I joked.
"I'm not as powerful as I want to be yet," he gave me a small smile.
I chuckled as I turned around again while closing my eyes, I leaned into him and listened to his breathing. The fire from the torches snap and popped as they burned and provided some warmth. One day when we leave here, things will be better. We can have a real life... not be shoved in a box like this. We won't be haunted by Grievers and rely on our captors for help. We'll be truly free.
"I guess in some strange way, I'm thankful for the Glade," I finished my thinking out loud.
"Why is that?," Newt asked.
"Because if I would have stayed out there and stayed whoever I used to be, I never would have been here... If that makes any sense. I just mean I never would have been here or met you," I told him.
Newt took the arm that was wrapped around me and guided under the back of my legs and in one swift motion he had spun me in his lap so I was laying sideways, cradled in his arms. I let out a small squeak in my throat and grabbed his shoulder for some inkling of balance. I looked up a the beautiful man towering over me and snaked my hands around his neck, letting my fingers rake through his dreamy curls. We looked at each other for a moment longer before Newt finally spoke.
"Do you remember the first time you spoke to me?"
I tilted my head as I thought back but I couldn't remember.
Newt continued," You asked me about the showers... I had to go in and clear them out for you."
I nodded," Yeah, I do remember that."
Newt never broke his eyes from mine as he spoke," I had seen you before, I had talked to Alby about you and heard the gossip about the girl glader, but it was when you first spoke to me that something happened. I can't even explain it really, it's still so bloody frustrating I can't put into words what you do to me. But from that moment on, I just could never seem to get you out of mind. You were always there, like a sweet song... and then when you would come around, I felt so nervous," Newt smiled at the memory. "Zart would always laugh and poke fun at me, he could see that I acted differently when you were around."
Newt's eyes landed on mine again," And then... the day you told me you felt the same was probably my best day here. I never thought that you: such a beautiful and fearless person would ever look at me. For a second I thought maybe I really had died and it was my own personal heaven... but it was real."
"It's still real," I whispered. "You still give me that feeling Newt, every time I see you."
"You do too," he hung his head for a moment. "And you're right, we do in some twisted way, have the Glade to thank for that. I've thought that before," he admitted. "But I also like to think that even if they hadn't put us in here and we were on the outside, we still would have found each other."
"I think we would have," I shifted in his arms so I could cuddle closer to him.
"I would have spent my entire bloody life looking for you," he said softly and I felt a shift in the air and in his tone. My heart sped up and I caught my breath. "I want those things you've dreamed about, the house, kids, all of it. I want them with you and I can only hope that this life gives them to me... but even if they didn't and I had the choice to start all over. If I could pick between a life on the outside or a life in here with you... I would pick you. And I think it's because I...I love you," he finished in his velvety low voice.
I let the breath out shakily and I felt like my body was exploding like fireworks. Did I just hear what I think I heard? My head was spinning and my body was reacting quicker than my thoughts and I spilled the words out before I had a chance to process them.
"I love you too."
Newt's face sparked shock at first," You do?"
I was thankful that my body and brain were malfunctioning or else I might have froze up and made things weird, but heart grabbed the reins and took control of it all. As I said the words, the were golden truth, it made perfect sense. I loved this boy.
"Newt, you have been here for me through it all," I explained. "When I first got here and all the adjustments along with the mistakes and problems I've caused. You've never doubted me, not once. You make me feel safe and protected, and the best part of my day is when I get to see you pick up your meals, then when we get to go to sleep. You care about me, I can see it so often, you always show me that your thinking of me. Being around you makes me inexplicably happy and that feeling I feel when I see you, talk to you, or even touch you," I took a hand and cupped his cheek again. "It's love."
His face melted into happiness and he took his arm out from under my legs and placed his hand over the hand I had on his face.
"I'm a bloody slinthead for not telling you this the day I knew it was true."
"I should have told you too," I let out a shaky breath. "I love you, Newt."
I sat up and kissed him deeply, his arms now snaking around me to hold me close to him. I took my own arms and wrapped them around his neck as the fire sparked from our kiss ignited inside me. His tongue slipped into my mouth and felt like I was missing him, I wanted more and I greedily deepened the kiss. This boy loved me and I loved him and I could that between us, I pulled back so I could reposition myself from sitting sideways in his lap to putting one leg on either side of him. I brought his face back to mine without a word and his hands went to rest on hips, until I felt one rise up and grab my hair. Newt kissed me with such a passion, I felt a pressure on my inner thigh but I ignored, not wanting to waste a second of this moment. I then playfully bit down on his bottom lip, something I had never done before but when I did, it felt right. Newt only grinned as he leaned forward to kiss me again, but I pulled away to see a look of worry on his face.
I didn't say anything and I lifted the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head, Newt's mouth opened slightly as his eyes slowly grazed down my body. I didn't take my bra off, but I didn't think it was the right time for that. I reached out and tilted his chin up to look me in the eyes and I leaned forward and gently kissed him again. It was soft and light, I think we both new what were doing was new to both of us, so we agreed without words to take it slow. As we kissed I felt something inside of me, I didn't know what it was because I had never felt it before, maybe it was the love I had for Newt, but it made me crave more of him. I pulled back again while we both were breathing heavily, I reached around and took one of Newt's hands that was resting on my lower back and guided up and placed it on my right breast.
Newt's face looked nervous and scared, I swear I saw a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead. It might just be the fires, I told myself. Newt then gave it a little squeeze and his face showed he had made a new discovery that he enjoyed. The motion sent a shiver through me and I felt a stronger craving for it to happen again.
"Newt," I called his name softly and his eyes left where his hand was at and went to my face. "We can stop if this is too much," I told him.
His hand glided up my skin and rested on my cheek, gently stroking my face with his thumb. "I could have all of you and it would never be enough."
I felt an ache inside of me, it was pulsating and I needed to be closer to him. I made a decision in that second, I lifted my bra off and pulled him to me for a another kiss. I was charging forward, ready for anything if he was. He seemed to agree as his hand again found my breast, I gasped into his mouth as it electrified me. Newt was the one to pull away this time, he looked at me for a second before turning his attention to my neck, kissing my collarbone so softly. My eyes fluttered with the sensation as his kisses trailed lower and lower. I savored the sensation of his mouth on my skin, my nails digging into his hair as his tongue swirled.
Newt lifted me off his lap easily, I let out a small giggle as he laid me flat on the blanket. Newt leaned over me, his shaggy hair falling over his face, casting a shadow over his sweet caramel eyes. I reached up and brushed his hair to the side," You're so beautiful," I told him.
His lips tugged into a smile," I was just about to say the same thing to you," he whispered.
I smiled up at him as he leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on my lips then sat up just quickly enough to peel off his own shirt. I let myself soak in all that he was, Newt wasn't as scrawny as everyone thought he was, he had some muscle. He wasn't ripped or anything, but he had hidden strength that most didn't see. I let my hands trial from his shoulders, to his chest and then to his stomach and rested them on the waistline of his pants.
I froze there, I've never done this before... What if I do it wrong? What if I'm not ready, the doubts started to cloud my mind.
I looked up to Newt's face, he must have seen the worried expression because all he did was smile down at me. His smile made feel better, it was like sunshine breaking through the clouds in my head.
"Newt... I..."
"Don't say it," he told me. " I understand," he tone was full of empathy.
I held my breath," Really?"
"Of course," he kept the smile on his face. "We don't have to do anything," he rolled on to his side and propped himself up with his elbow to face me. "I'm in no rush."
"Really?," I was surprised to hear him say that. "I...I feel like I want to, like inside me is begging for it, but then I'm just scared..."
"I am too," he admitted, avoiding my eyes for a brief second. "I don't know what to expect or really what to do at all."
I let out a small sigh and rolled onto my side to see him straight on," Good to know were both on the same page."
Newt chuckled and found my hand, and interlocked or fingers," Believe me... I'm going crazy for you," hearing him say that only made me want to pounce on him again. "But I know we should take our time with this, it's new for both of us and I know I want to make sure everything feels right."
I nodded," Yeah, I feel the same," I leaned over and gave him gentle kiss, before shifting to rest my head on his chest.
