The night was long, probably my longest night here in the Glade even with half of it already gone. Longer than my first night, longer than the night after what Lee had done, and somehow even longer than when Jackson died. Those nights I cried, I felt sad and lost, alone here and like a burden. This night was different. It was pure rage. Anger that had been bubbling for weeks spurted to the surface as I screamed at Alby who sat at my bedside; he had tried to calm me but nothing worked. I pulled against my bondage and cause my wrists and ankles to become raw and chaffed. I didn't sleep, when my voice was gone, I just glared at Alby as he sat there. He didn't speak, I think he knew that it would only make things worse. I lay there wondering how could this man, the leader of these kids, the one that everyone trusts and believes in could do this. How could lie to everyone? Nothing could excuse this.
Dawn peaked, the low light of the morning hadn't even come into the Med room when I was untied by Alby and Aiden and taken to the Pit. Alby said this was standard protocol for my own safety, since he believed I wanted to kill myself. It was a hoax, just an excuse to keep me isolated so I couldn't tell everyone the truth. He tried to tell me this wasn't a punishment; I would get all three meals and could get out whenever I wanted as long as I had two people with me. I rolled onto my side facing the back of the cell as he talked. I didn't want him here, I wanted him to leave so I could be alone. Apparently, my subtle hints were enough to make him understand, he left quietly, I peeked over my shoulder to check that I was in fact alone, I was.
I may have been alone in person, but my head was filled with the Gladers. I thought of all of them, one by one, wondering who all knew this secret and who was walking around without a clue. That's when Newt stopped by with breakfast, I faced the back of the Slammer again.
"I... I know you're upset."
What a genius.
"I'm," Newt paused but I didn't look to see why. "I'm sorry."
Then it was quiet again and I looked back to see he had gone. The plate was left just outside the bars, I looked at the food: it was some type of oatmeal. I pushed the plate further away, out of my reach. I had been drugged by these people too many times to trust this food. I sat down with my back against the wall facing the front of the Slammer. I looked at the long green grass swaying in the gentle morning breeze. The sun was out and the Glade was moving like nothing was different, like this day was like any other. I crawled forwards and leaned against the bars, I could see them all, all the Gladers just going on normally. I watched them until Newt brought me my second meal of the day.
His eyes drifted to the full plate sitting in the grass and then he squatted to look me in the eyes.
"Not hungry?"
I pulled away from the door and moved towards the back of the Slammer.
Newt set down the plate," Fry made this special for you. He said it's your favorite."
I pulled my knees to my chest and glared down at the boy in front of me. Hoping by some magic power it would be so hateful it would send him away.
Newt cleared his throat," Well, Alby says later we should let you out to get some exercise, maybe go for a walk along the wall, I think it's a good idea."
How could I have trusted you... my mind inspected his face. How could I have just blindly given you my love and never once questioned it. How could I be so dumb to think it would be that easy. Nothing here is easy. How could you just lie to me, like it was nothing?
The once handsome boy looked different in my eyes now, colder in a way, not as bright and full of life as I had seen him before. His bouncy curls now lay flat against his head and his sparkling eyes just look like mud to me.
"I'll... I'll come back later," he told me before picking up the old plate and leaving.
I went quickly to the gate and pushed the new warm food away and out of reach before retreating to the back once more.
Their tricks won't work this time. I'm not going to let them keep doing this to me.
I must have dozed in the afternoon because it was Alby who startled me this time.
"Hey Greenbean," he gave a small smile as he unlocked the door.
"Go away," I barked to him.
"I was hoping you'd want to maybe go for a walk with me."
My face contorted with disgust," I never want to go anywhere with you."
"It won't just be us."
I rolled me eyes," Tell Newt I don't want to-..."
Alby pulled another Glader down so I could see- it was Ben. It was a surprise I wasn't expecting, I didn't think Ben would be allowed to talk to me ever again after he'd told me about the maze. I didn't know how to feel as I looked at him, part of me wanted to yell at them both and another part of me wanted to hug Ben and cry until the world ended. Ben kept averting his eyes, I could see he was plagued by guilt; whether it was about telling me or wishing he had kept his mouth shut I didn't know.
Alby swing open the door to my cage," Come on," he offered me his hand.
That one gestured took away the surprise of Ben and brought me back to the rage.
"No!," I snapped at him. "Go away!"
"Greenie, you know this isn't a punishment, you can get out."
"Yeah only if I have you guarding me."
"It's so you don't hurt yourself."
"No, it's so I don't tell anyone the truth!"
I could see Alby was not in the mood for me tonight," Do you want to come out or not?"
"No."
"Fine," he shut the door. "Ben will bring you back some dinner. We can try again tomorrow."
I let out a laugh at his sick joke," Try again tomorrow? But yet you're willing to give up looking for our freedom? Glad to see the leader has his priorities in order," my eyes drilled into him.
"I am keeping hope alive in this Glade."
"No, you're just lying to everyone, Alby."
Ben was just standing there listening to us argue, he hadn't said a single word. Alby looked to me without blinking, his face was hard and his muscles were tense. It felt like an intense battle between us as we searched one another for that indescribable something, a foothold for leverage, but he gave away nothing. Before he left, I saw his mouth open, for a split second before shutting, like he wanted to say one more thing but he decided against it. He broke eye contact first by striding off towards the Homestead, leaving me with Ben; I looked to Ben who in turn looked at me before scurrying off after his commander.
Ben did bring me back a plate, I actually did want to ask him something but he left so fast that I didn't get the chance. Out of frustration, I picked up the plate and threw, I heard it smack against the tree a few meters away.
I didn't sleep, I stayed up and watched the door and listened the eerie sound of the Griever making its way through the tangled walls of the maze.
It was Newt who came to see me first, this time he chose a different route and didn't speak to me either. He sat with his back against the tree and just waited silently. I chose not to focus on him and started thinking of a new plan, new ideas for getting out of this place- maybe things that Alby hasn't thought of yet. Curiosity got the better of me a few times and I looked up to see what Newt was doing but his attention wasn't even on me. He was looking out towards the garden, resting his arms on his knees it looked like he was deep in thought himself.
As the sun peaked over the wall and the doors opened, I watched as Hank and Mihno slipped out of the Glade.
Still keeping up the act. Wonder when they'll get tired of that...
Newt stood up and then he looked to me, our eyes me briefly before I looked away.
"I know how mad you are," he finally broke he quiet. "I also know how much you hate me know, even if you don't say anything, I can see it on your face. I deserve it, I deserve everything you said to me and more... but I'll tell you until the day I die: I never did this to hurt you. If I could go back...," he stopped. "I'm sorry," he whispered and then walked around the tree and made his way across the Glade to the garden.
I watched him go, a twisted part of me wished he would have stayed, wished I would have said something to him but I was glad I didn't. I still had nothing worth saying to him. I watched him go, halfway across the field he turned back over his shoulder so I looked away and focused on the rest of the Glade.
They're all so clueless. No idea what's going on at all. Alby shouldn't have the final say, he can't just hide it forever! Just because I'm here doesn't mean he can keep me silent.
"HEY! HEY!," I stuck my hands through the bars. "HEY!"
"Greenie?," someone called out to me.
"HEY! COME HERE! COME HERE!"
"Greenie," it was Gally who rushed to the pit. "Are you hurt?," he asked
"Gally! Gally, you have to listen to me. They're lying to us, all of us!"
"GALLY!," it was Newt who was running over to us.
"Greenie, you're not making any sense?," his brow furrowed with confusion.
"We're trapped, Gally!"
"Gally, come on," but it wasn't Newt who swept Gally away. It was Alby. He had an arm around his shoulder and had whisked him off towards the Homestead. I heard him ask Alby if I was okay but then they were gone.
"GALLY! GALLY COME BACK," I screamed and shook the door
Newt bent down to the doors. "Why? Why did you do that?"
Gally knows. He'll tell the builders and then they can tell the whole Glade. Everyone can know.
"You shouldn't have done that," Newt shook his head.
I did the right thing. They deserve to know. This will force Alby to tell them, he can't hide it now.
I watched for hours, waiting for a sign, waiting for anything to happen. I wanted to see them all approach Alby, ask him about the maze and demand the answers that we all deserved. But I saw nothing, there was just Gladers going about doing their work. Nobody came to saw me at all that day, they didn't even bring me lunch, which I wouldn't have eaten anyway. I debated calling out again, trying to tell someone else, but it was like everyone was avoiding me. I could see them but no one came close enough. I could just start screaming but I know Alby would just have Clint drug me up again; he had a roadblock for all of my plans.
It was only as the sun started to dip down and I saw the Runners return that someone wandered over to me, it was Alby.
"You really should eat," he told me as he sat down, placing the plate of food beside him.
"I'm full from this morning," I told him as he looked at my untouched oatmeal.
Alby chose not to fight that battle and he looked to me through the bars," I think we need to talk about all this."
"Oh, really," I faked shock.
"I mean, we should talk, not scream or yell. I know Newt talked to you in the Med Hut but I don't know if he explained it all. I want you to know why this is so important so you don't try to scare the entire Glade," he arched an eyebrow.
"I did the right thing."
Alby looked away from me, he was formulating what he wanted to say. He took a slow breath and then said," Greenie, I'll tell you my side because I want you to see the big picture and have all the facts and I'm hoping this helps you come to terms with the maze," he adjusted to get comfortable and then continued. "We started mapping the maze maybe 2 years ago, I never thought we'd complete it, it was just so we could have clear visual for the way out. So when Mihno told me that they had scouted ever inch and it was empty, I made them run it again and again. I had to be sure."
"Why didn't you try something else? Like climbing the walls or running it at night?"
"Anyone who runs the Glade at night dies. You can't survive a Griever."
"Have you really tried Alby?"
"I'm not risking their lives to test some theory."
"Why not? If they don't they'll end up dying in here anyway."
Alby sighed," I know to you.. it seems like I'm lying, It must look like I did the wrong thing. But you don't see the big picture. This is for the only thing we have left, the one thing we can't lose."
I rolled my eyes, his little speeches are all the same. He sounds exactly like Newt! They're both brainwashed!
"Hope isn't that strong, Alby! You can't just expect it forever!"
"I don't. But for know it's all we have and I can't lose that. I've been here 3 years," he paused. "And I've seen what it does to a person to lose hope."
"But you can't just lie to everyone to make yourself feel better. We all deserve to know if we're stuck here forever."
"I'm not lying. I'm just trying to keep the Glade strong, I want everyone to stay motivated."
"It's still lying, Alby."
"No, it's not," Alby stared me down. He was being tough, but he wasn't angry.
"Gally won't keep this a secret," I told him and crossed my arms.
"Gally will do what's best for the Glade," Alby sounded very sure.
My shoulder dropped a little, Alby convinced him?! Why am I surprised?! Of course Gally would lie for Alby. It couldn't have been anyone else! Why did I ever think he would do the right thing...
"And I do have you here for your own safety, but I still need you to understand the damage you'll cause to the Glade if you keep trying to tell people about this."
"You don't know it'll cause any damage. It could be a good thing to tell everyone, Alby."
He shook his head," No. It won't be."
I let out a groan," See you don't even care. You don't even hear my opinion!"
"Greenie, I hear it. I just know this place better than you do. I know what this news could do."
I rolled my eyes," Alby, just stop. Stop lying to me!"
Alby leaned back and looked up to the sky. The sun was nearly gone and we were almost in darkness, he would need to get a torch soon if he wanted to be able to see my face. I didn't want to be angry, I wanted to just talk about this but he's complete denial of doing anything wrong. I ran my finger through my hair and sat down on the floor. Neither of us said anything for a while, we both sat there saying nothing as the darkness surrounded us.
"How long are you going to keep me in here?," I lifted my head to look at him but I couldn't see anything.
"I don't want to keep you in there, Greenie."
"It's already been 2 days."
"Well based on your actions, you still haven't really come to terms with what you know."
"How long did it take you?"
"Who says I've come to terms with it?"
"Alby, you can't keep hiding this," I stood up to stretch my aching muscles.
"I'll come back in the morning," Alby copied me and stood up, I could see the vague outline of his body against the black of the night. "We can fight more about it tomorrow." I heard the hint of joke in his voice, he wanted to lighten the mood but it didn't work. "I'll be here before the sun comes up."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want you screaming at anybody else," he said. "I don't want to put a full time guard on you, but I will if you do it again."
"I can't just sit here and do nothing while you go around and convince everyone that we're all safe and nothing's wrong."
"We aren't going to agree on this, not tonight. I think I'm right, you don't. I'll be back in the morning," Alby yawned and then I heard the slow soft step retreating into the night.
He'll come back, but nothing will change. He won't be right tomorrow. We won't agree on anything. Is he ever going to let me out of here? He won't, not until I agree with him. But I can't, what he's doing is wrong.
Long time no see. Sorry for the 6 month hiatus. Thanks for reading and Happy Holidays!
