"Are we just going to ignore each other?," Alby asked me.

"If we are, you're not doing a good job," I had refused to look at him.

"Just talk to me about how you're feeling, we don't have to talk to about the maze at all."

"I feel fine," I replied dryly.

"You're being stubborn."

"I wonder why," I said sarcastically.

"Then let's change the subject; I've noticed Newt hasn't been by to visit you."

"Don't," I cut him off, my eyes now like daggers on him. "Just don't."

"You can't hate him, it's not his fault," Alby was not phased by my death glare.

"You can't tell me how to feel," I turned away from him.

"Greenbean, I don't want to tell you how to feel, but I know Newt cares about you. He didn't do this to hurt you."

"It's none of your business, Alby."

"Yeah" he sighed. "You're right."

We sat quietly for a while, the silence between us wasn't awkward but it was stiff. As if we were both still pretending the other didn't exist; I sat in my cage pulling the ends of my hair and realizing how disgusting I truly felt. I hadn't showered in days, my clothes were gross and I had mud caked onto my shoes and pants. My shirt was sticking to my skin while the material still felt damp and smelled like mold. My hair was tangled and oily and I had no delusions of how I must look to everyone else, I looked exactly how I felt. To the Gladers, I must look feral, like a stray who would wander the maze and howl like a rabid animal. I deserved to feel like this. The damage I'd caused, the destruction I seemed to bring with me at every turn through this place. Now I knew the biggest secret the Glade had ever known and the fact that Alby, their leader, was hiding it from them. Which secret was bigger, to me it was the lie.

"Things will never be the same here," I murmured, drawing my knees to my chest.

"They'll be better," Alby mistook my words.

I looked at him again, this boy I'd only known a few months. He was put here first, had to survive all alone and now he was making the rules for us all to follow. Ben might not see it because he worships Alby, just like the rest of the Glade, but I do. I see him for what he is.

"You need to eat" he extended his hand holding a bowl.

"I'm full."

"You're lying."

"That makes two of us."

Alby set the bowl down," I'm starting to think that you'll never truly understand what this means."

"Isn't that part of my job?," I gritted my teeth and glared up to him "Here's a new challenge," I quoted the words that had been shipped up with me in the box.

Alby's eyes were soft, it was like he had a force field around him today and nothing I said was going to get to him. He didn't even respond to what I said, he just turned his head to look out at the Glade. I saw a near grin pull at the corners of his face, which only made me clench my jaw harder.

"This place," he took a deep breath in, smelling the cool air. "This world we've created to spite the ones who've put us here. It's ours, Greenbean. And the idea that one day we might get out, escape these walls and look the ones who did this in the eyes- it would be everything," he turned back to me. "But the maze isn't how we'll do it. They've trapped us here but we have each other to lean on. I want you to lean on me, I want to help you get past this and accept the Glade."

"How can I do that when everything about this place is a lie?"

"You know that's not true."

"It is. Everything good about this place is a lie. My friend is dead, I'm not accepted, and love isn't real. The Glade isn't a world we've created to spite them, it's what you've created for yourself."

Alby looked at me, he didn't even blink. He looked almost disappointed, like my words hadn't hurt him in any way only made him pity me more.

"If that's what you see, Greenie, then I understand why you're so sad and angry. I understand that you don't see this place for what it is. You don't see the community that's been built and I'm sorry for that. But this place is all we have and I'm proud of it, there's still so much we can do to improve it but change can take time."

"Time you should be using to get out of here, and get back to the real world."

"There is no real world," Alby said sharply, his tone nearly cut me. It was not how I'd seen him, he was never vicious and always tranquil and diplomatic. Maybe I had broken through his shield. "This is our world," he said in a lone voice. "There is nothing else."

His words sank into me and in that moment I felt all my tensed muscles falter and give up. My body couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't fight it. 4 days in the hole in the ground, no food, barely drinking water or moving- I had nothing left in me. My hands didn't even have the energy to stay clasped, they fell to my side and my legs slide down through the damp dirt. I slumped back against the wall, my eyes going unfocused as my head flopped to the side.

There is no real world.

There is nothing else.

My body couldn't compete with my brain anymore, my body had won, and my brain was quickly starting to follow. The burning desire inside of me: the need for justice and truth, the need to break the maze down with my bare hands to escape, the very piece of me that had carried me for so far was fading. I'd been here over 100 days, but there was nothing to show. I had done nothing. I was nothing. If this was the real world then I was nothing by comparison.

A dirt cell in the ground was where I belonged.

Even if I broke out, escaped the Glade and made it out of the maze alive. It wouldn't matter, would it? Gladers would never leave, would they? Everyone looks to Alby as a master, they would never leave him. Is there anywhere they could really go? There is no real world.

I used the tiny amount of energy left to lift my head, to look at Alby, but he was gone. Had he ever really been here? I questioned but my brain had no real answers. It only told me to sleep.

I awoke with a shiver, my clothes were wet now, it must have rained again when I was sleeping. I couldn't find the strength to move again, not even to curl myself into a ball for warmth. I just slowly slid down off the wall and into the fresh mud. It was dark outside, it was dark in here too. I let my body absorb the blackness and drifted back into a peaceful slumber.

There is no real world.

I woke up again, this time the sun was high and my skin felt it's warmth. I was nearly glued to the floor, the once thick mud now dried dirt, but it felt comforting to have the pressure. I wanted to believe that any moment the earth would just suck me up and I would be absorbed by the soil and nothing else would matter. I wouldn't have to think about this place or feel this way anymore. It would be over, but it wouldn't happen, so I just lay there in the dirt with my eyes closed.

Maybe it had been a short time or maybe I fell back asleep but I felt a change around me that made me open my eyes. I was looking up at the top of cell, my eyes shift left to look out the bars. I saw the corners of a shoulder, a gray shirt sleeve was there. Someone was outside the Slammer. I didn't need to sit up to see who it was. I knew who had come to visit me. I debated sitting up to see their face, but as I tried to lift my arms, the gentle glue of the dirt was enough to persuade me to stay still.

I managed to turn my head so I could look at the piece of gray fabric, it sat there still, no doubt the person wearing the shirt was leaning against the tree outside. I stared at it, not knowing what I wanted it to do. Did I want them to leave me alone? Did I want them to come closer and talk to me? Or was it that I truly wanted that person to open the Slammer door and join me on my quest for sinking into the dirt? I didn't know, I just looked at it, not really thinking at all.

They made the choice for me, and after staring up at the beacon of gray for what felt like hours, it left without saying a word. I was alone again. It felt like it should be. It felt like what I deserved.

I need to get up.

But there was no strength in my thoughts. I had no motivation to get up and out of the Slammer, I couldn't even sit up, let alone stand.

Maybe I should eat whatever they brought me.

Again my body made no attempt to move itself.

What is left to keep me going? How am I even still alive, I wondered. I should definitely eat something. Maybe Fry made some beans. Beans sound really good.

After trying to move again and failing, I let my mind wander and it eventually went blank. I was awake, but I didn't feel like I really was, it felt like I was dreaming. I could hear a voice in the distance, but couldn't make out what there were saying. It took a few more second to realize, I was the voice.

"As I strayed with my love to the pure crystal fountain," my sore voice croaked.

I didn't know what caused me to start singing, but I didn't fight the inclination to keep the song going.

"The moon through the valley, her pale rays were spreading when I won the heart of the rose of Tralee..."

I heard footsteps coming closer, I didn't really care if anyone heard me singing, but I wondered who was coming to visit me this time.

"She was lovely and fair as the rose of the summer but was not her beauty alone that won me..."

I let myself pause longer than normal, waiting to see if whoever had come would show there face or interrupt me. There was only silence.

"Oh no was the truth in her eyes ever dawning that made me love Mary, the rose of Tralee."

I let the song end and debated starting over again, the first words dancing on the tip of my tongue when the mystery visitor spoke.

"I've never heard you sing before."

"It's hard to get to know a girl with no name," I responded.

He was quiet for a moment, my words must have seemed harsh and I knew he didn't really know what to say to me now.

"How do you remember that song?," he finally asked.

"I don't really remember it... it's just there."

"I can't remember any songs from before."

I debated saying: At least you got to remember your own name, but I didn't have the fire inside me to spark the words. He then moved closer, letting his shoe slip into my line of vision and part of his leg, I could see he was sitting in front of the Slammer. He set down a plate, I could smell it was something warm and I felt myself growl for the food.

"It's weird how we remember things in here," he went on. "It's like we've all rediscovered who we were on the outside. Even if we can never go back, we're still the same people, we we're all like this before we came here. The only difference is we don't have memories to guide us."

"Ben," I stopped him from going on.

He leaned forward, green eyes looking at me as he sandy hair fell into his face.

"Yeah?"

"I need help sitting up," I admitted.

He opened the door without questioning me and crawled inside, squatting over me, he grabbed my wrists, prying them from the dirt and pulled my arms to help me sit. I felt light headed sitting up, I wanted to fall back down and close my eyes but Ben supported me.

"Are you okay?," he was concerned.

"I'm hungry," I told him, looking out to where my plate lay.

Ben reached out and brought the plate inside, setting it on my lap. I looked at the mushed peas and carrots, my arms limp at my sides.

"Here, I'll help," Ben could see that I was struggling. He propped me up against the wall and fed me my plate. I ate it all, every mushy bite. "I'm glad your eating," he sat back, the Slammer felt cramped with both of us inside.

"I guess I had just figured Alby had given up on the idea of drugging me."

Ben didn't reply, he had his feet pressed against the wall opposite and he looked down at his lap. I felt tired again, like I could fall asleep sitting up, but Ben's voice stopped me from drifting.

"When I first got here, I thought my parents had been drugged like me," he still wasn't looking at me. "I figured, how could they forget about me, I was their son. But then I wondered if they were fighting for me, trying to get me out or something," he let a small smile pull on his mouth.

"You said yourself, there is no way out."

"I never said that," he lifted his head to look at me

Hadn't he? It doesn't matter.

"Not that it matters anymore," I sighed, my eyes fluttering.

"I meant what I said, I still look for new ways to get us all out of here."

"Why?," I let my head flop to the side before I startled myself to open my eyes.

"Maybe there's still a chance for us."

"You seemed pretty sure it was over."

Ben sighed," I never thought it was over. I just don't think we should burden everyone with bad news."

"Just me," I mumbled, my eyes shutting on their own.

Ben didn't say anything, I could hear him moving, crawling out from this pit and back into the light of the Glade. Before I slipped back into the dark, I heard him tell me," I don't want you to think I've given up."

I woke up again to Ben being outside the bars, I groaned and shifted my position, the rock and dirt had been very rough on my back. Based on the dim light, I figured it was now nighttime and Ben had brought me dinner. I took the plate of goat chunks and corn, it was chewy but I was happy for the food.

"Sleep all day?"

"Seems that way," I winced at the twinge of pain in my shoulders.

"Did you want to get out at all, maybe stretch, go for a walk?" Ben offered.

"I'm fine," I took another bite of the corn.

"Alby said he came by, but you were sleeping again. He didn't wake you."

"How thoughtful," I grunted.

"Well you'll have to talk to him."

"About what? Is he going to let me out of here?"

"Actually, yes. You were supposed to get out today."

"Hmm," I took my last bite. "Crazy to think he ever planned to let me go."

"Don't be like that."

I slide my plate back out to him," I miss working with Fry," I admitted to him. "I miss cooking."

"Fry misses you too. He asks about you every time I get your plate. He wanted to come and see you so bad."

I almost asked why he didn't but then I remembered Aly thought I would blab his secret. Then I remembered shouting at Gally, his face... he must have thought I really was crazy.

"Well if Alby finally lets me out, then that means he has to trust me," I sat back against the Slammer. "Does Alby trust me?"

"I guess that depends on you."

I scoffed," He either trusts me or he doesn't."

"Are you going to tell people about the maze?," Ben asked boldly.

I looked him over for a second, thinking of what my freedom would feel like. If I say yes, they'll keep me in here but if I say no, I'll be out. How would I tell people about the maze, how could I get them to believe me? Gally's twisted face of confusion blinked in my head. No one here would believe me.

"Even if I told them the truth, would they believe me? Alby's told them I'm crazy."

"He never said that," Ben defended his leader, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Ben, I'm under suicide watch, I'm sure even the builders can put those two things together."

"Alby honestly doesn't talk about it and no one is asking questions, except Frypan. The Glade is trying to respect your privacy."

I let a cynical laugh escape me," It just seems so late for that."

"It's never too late," Ben said softly. "We're all learning and trying to do the right thing."

"I guess I have to get out of here and see what that feels like."

"Does that mean you aren't going to tell people?"

Again I fell into my thoughts, They would only believe what Alby told them. Would it even be worth it to fight him every step of the way. What else is there to fight for? I thought of Newt and what we had, the emptiness I now felt inside that had once been love. I had no friends left here, Ben was the closest I had and only because he knew this dark secret too. Clint and Jeff were in the dark, so was Zart, and Frypan.

"Who would even listen to me?," I sighed.

"We're all Gladers. We are here for you... I-I'm here for you. I'll help you through this, who knows it might even help."

Ben must have read the expression on my face as - what the hell are you even talking about, because that was what I was ready to say.

"Maybe accepting this, maybe it will help you accept some of the others things here in the Glade. I can help, coach you through it all."

"Ben, I'm actually really tired."

"Oh sure, yeah... I can come back tomorrow with Alby. Yeah... uh, sleep tight," he grabbed my plate and left me in the dark evening.

Maybe this will help me, I almost laughed at the thought. He can't be serious, can he? Here's a new challenge. They sure got that right, I fell back onto the floor, curling into a tight ball. My back ached and my legs started cramping, I had to stretch them out a few times to stop it. This community, these boys will never really understand me. How could they? I'm different, I'm the challenge they have to overcome. Just like they don't understand me, I can never truly understand them either. The Glade hadn't been made for me, it was made for them, I'm just a problem they are trying to solve.

There is no real world.

There is nothing else.

Maybe this was the only reason I was even created. Just a part of the long game for them, a piece of Alby's puzzle that doesn't fit in with the rest. I could never compete with him. He's Alby. No one would bat an eye to my words. Alby is the king of the world he's made here, if there really is no way out, I have to accept that. I can't fight him or I'll lose every time.