I ate in silence as Alby sat and watched me, I wanted to drag it out as long as I could. I didn't want to get to why he was actually here. I didn't want to have the real conversation we we're going to have. My oatmeal was watery and bitter but I took my time chewing every bite and prolonging the inevitable. Alby decided to start with me still eating, pushing up my timetable.

"Today is day six," he stated the fact bluntly.

I nodded, continuing to chew the now liquid in my mouth.

"You seem to have perked up some and your eating more."

How could I not with such delicious delicacies being thrown my way, I bit my tongue and took another bite.

"I know Ben told you I was coming, so you know why I'm here."

I kept nodding, staring into my soupy bowl, spinning the chunks with my spoon.

"So, how are you feeling?"

I feel awful. My body aches, my clothes need to be burned and I don't think I'll ever get the knots out of my hair.

"I feel fine," I swallowed, my throat squeezing tight for a moment.

"You haven't left the Slammer in 2 days," he noted.

"I've been thinking," I forced myself to take another bite.

"What are you thinking about?"

I put the bowl to the side, no point in eating it now that we had started.

"I've been thinking about the Glade, the maze, all of it."

"And...?"

"And I'm not going to tell anyone what you found," I didn't look up at Alby, instead I watched my fingers traces designs in the dirt.

I could feel Alby's stare watching me intently, maybe he was looking for a bluff or a sign I was lying to him.

"Three days ago you were ready to scream what you knew to anyone walking by, what changed?"

I shrugged," I guess I realized there's no point in fighting what won't change."

"Which means?"

"The Glade will go on, with or without this knowledge. They will wake up, go to work, eat and sleep- that's it. What I tell them won't matter and even if they did listen, it wouldn't change the fact there's no way out."

"This place will only grow," Alby leaned forward. "No matter what they do to us, it won't break us. We're stronger than them," he smiled like he might actually be genuinely happy for some reason. "Does that mean you want to get out of there?"

"Does that mean you're going to let me out?"

"Sure sounds like it," his smile widened as he unlatched the lock on the door. "Come on out, Greenie," he offered me his hand. I grabbed his hand and let him pull me from the dirt and onto the grass. He looked out over the boys doing their chores. "Welcome back."

I didn't say anything as my eyes locked in on the one person I couldn't stomach to see. There he went, walking across the Glade with Zart, chatting about whatever, living in his lie.

"You can go back to working in the kitchen and sleeping in the Homestead. I told people you were here for your own safety, I'll let you fill on the blanks on what you want to tell them."

"Thanks Alby," I couldn't look away from the boy I had loved. I felt the ache in my chest, my brain felt out of balance to look at him and feel this way. My heart felt a small tug towards him but it was crushed as soon as he looked at me. Our eyes met and I couldn't handle the pain swelling inside, so I broke the connection.

"If you tell anyone about the maze, Greenie, I'll have to banish you," Alby tried to tell me gently.

Banished. Just like Lee had been. I'd be just as low as he was, getting the same fate, pushed in for the Grievers.

"Wouldn't that just make you look suspicious," I asked, wishing I had let it go.

"No, because you'd be going against the rules: Never hurt another Glader," he moved right along to saying," I told Fry you'd be back tomorrow. He can handle one more day in the kitchen alone."

"What do you want me to do today?"

"I want you to re-adjust. Maybe now you might see things differently. I'll come find you at dinner," he said before walking off towards the Bloodhouse.

"Wait! Alby!," I called after him. I saw Newt had turned to the sound of my voice, but I tried to shake his eyes from me. Alby stopped and looked over his shoulder, waiting for me to continue. "I need something."

"And what is that?"

"I need my own hammock."


I took a shower, it felt unreal; I stayed in until the water ran cold. I tired to brush my hair but it was too painful, so I let it go and went out into the Glade. I had a small hope inside me to slip back among them with no questions asked but I knew better than that in this place. I might have been gone for 5 days and my world may be different but to these Gladers, nothing had changed.

I could feel them watching me as I walked by, the whispers that they tried to had might as well have been shouted right at me.

"Did she really try?" "I heard she ran into the maze!" "They locked her up so she'd calm down."

I just bowed my head, slinking away from them all. I slipped into the trees, hiding myself from there stares. Unknowingly, I ran right into Jeff.

"Morning Greenie," he smiled up at me. Jeff was crouched over a small plant, picking at the leaved and putting them into a jar. It seemed genuine, like his smile wasn't forced, like he might actually be happy to see me.

"Hey Jeff," my voice squeaked.

"I heard you had gotten out today," he focused on his task. "Clint and I were ready to welcome you back."

"Not like I really went anywhere," I leaned against thin tree.

"We wanted to bring some of our sleeping stuff but Alby said no," Jeff sighed and leaned back on his haunches.

"Sounds like Alby," I said quietly, looking down at my shoes.

I saw Jeff in the corner of his eye look at me, he opened his mouth and then shut it.

"Do you want to talk about it?," he asked.

"No," I shook my head. "I don't."

"That's alright too."

We both were quiet, I didn't want to shut Jeff out but I had to. I couldn't talk about any of it without lying and I didn't want to be like Alby. Not to mention the fact the more I thought about the maze the more it was going to eat away at me. The maze. I instinctively looked out towards the wall, it was blocked by trees, but I could see it peeking thorough the spaces. Out there was nothing. Nothing but stone and Grievers. There is no real world.

I felt myself breathing faster, I looked away from the ominous gray that was starting to surround me. I pushed off the tree and said a quick goodbye to Jeff and I ventured further into the tree, trying to run from what was all around me. I ran around the trees, ignoring the tears in my eyes and the ache in my legs, I stumbled on a branch and fell into the damp leaves. I couldn't run away from it. It was still there. I rolled onto my back, the light gray sky was only another reminder for the cold gray walls. I closed my eyes, begging for a chance to escape it all. Just a moment of peace. It had only been a few hours since my release from the Slammer, why was this so hard? It should be easy.

How does Alby fake a smile every day? How can he just lie to their faces and sleep at night? This must be what Ben was feeling, this pain inside I can't get rid of. I can't live like this. I can't do what he does everyday.

I let myself lay on the ground crying. It wasn't exactly what Alby had meant by re-adjusting to the Glade but I couldn't talk to anyone. What would I say to them? If I tell the truth Alby will throw me into the maze, I'll be eaten by Grievers. Why can't Newt just fix this?

I cried until no more tears came, and I felt what I felt in the Slammer again, it was the fatigue and emptiness. It felt like I might be hollow with all my tears gone. There was nothing left inside of my to give to this world.

How can I go back to work? Talk to Fry? Smile at everyone and pretend that any day now we'll be able to walk free of this hell.

I heard someone walking in the brush, their steps were getting closer. I wiped my eyes and rolled over to stand up, I didn't see anyone but they were getting louder. Then it stopped, like whoever was walking changed their minds and the footsteps started to fade. I let a small sigh of relief escape me and wiped my nose. I let my weary legs wobble as I stumbled through the Deadhead, heading for a friend I desperately wanted to see again

Jackson.

I fell to my knees when I reached his grave, my legs could barely walk another step. I couldn't cry anymore, I just fell back onto my legs, falling into the dirt accidently. I picked myself up, pushing my body up with my arms, they screamed at the effort. How did I get to be like this?

"Jackson, how did this happen?," I asked him.

He didn't answer. I let my arms give out and my face lay in the dirt, I felt crumpled and broken.

"Why did you have to leave?," I knew he couldn't hear me. "Why did I even come here..."

I thought it would make me feel better. I thought, for whatever reason, Jackson's grave would fix this. He would fix this. But there was no difference, the maze still remained and the truth still lingered. There is no real world.

"Why did you leave?," I asked him again.

I couldn't move anymore, it took too much strength. I stayed there as the day faded and just did nothing. I didn't cry. I didn't talk. I just was there, a body laying on the ground. I was glade that Ben didn't show up or Alby. I wanted to be alone. My thoughts came and went; some were about the maze and some were about other things. I thought the life I had wanted for Jackson outside the Glade, it was happy and he was happy, that was all I wanted. I thought about what Gally had told me about the Griever sting, that Jackson hadn't died happy, he died here in the Glade and in pain.

It's not fair that bad things happened to good people. What did you ever do to deserve this Jackson? You should have never been in the Glade in the first place. You deserved that happy life.

I woke up to the sun dipping below the wall, but still I didn't move. It reminded me of the Slammer, that odd comfort of being stuck to the mud. I wasn't stuck this time but it felt like I could be, how weary my muscles were and the fatigue that had overcome me. It felt different, like a numbness shielding me from the Glade. I liked it.

Alby is going to find me at dinner, I thought. If I'm not there he'll coming looking for me. He'll think the worst that I tried to scale the walls or run back into the maze. That means I have to go. I have to see everyone and pretend. I should just let him do all the talking.

It took even more time to force myself to get up, I had to manually tell each part of my body to move. I stood over Jackson's grave a few more minutes before promising to come back the next day. I walked back through the deadhead slowly taking as much time as I could before I reached the Homestead. I took in a shaky breath and walked down the kitchen. I could hear them all laughing and talking over one another, their voices growing louder with every step. I peeked at them from a distance first, watching as they all were eating and drinking while chatting about their days.

I spotted Alby, he was sitting with the builders and the bricknicks, beside him was Gally. The whole table seemed lively, like if there had been music playing it would have been a party. I scanned the remaining tables, Ben was sitting with some other Runners but Newt wasn't. I've never seen him miss a meal? I looked harder at every face but none had his honey eyes or sparkling smile.

I walked closer to them, knowing I couldn't stay hidden forever. I held my breath as I approached, my invisible shield was gone, I felt immediately exposed to them all. At the last second I slipped into the kitchen door to hide, I closed my eyes and took some quick breaths, not realizing Frypan was inside.

"Well if it isn't my favorite girl," he cheered.

"Oh," I turned to him. "Oh hey."

"Come here girl," he wrapped me into a tight hug. "Oh I've been missin' you," he squeezed me.

"I... I missed you too," I told him as he stepped back.

"Come right after the dinner rush, you know, but I still got some food for ya," he bent down at pulled out a bowl prefilled. "Tonight's cabbage and carrot soup."

The soup looked watery and the cabbage reminded me of shriveled up dead leaves. It did not look appetizing at all.

"Looks great," I lifted the spoon and took a sip. It was watery and there was barely any flavor, not something I would expect from Frypan.

"I know it ain't the best," he wiped his hand on his apron. "But we have to use it or lose it. Alby tells me you coming back tomorrow, but I told him you don't need to rush yourself."

I set the bowl on the counter," No, it's okay. I'll be here in the morning."

Frypan looked me over and shook his head," You look all skin and bones, girl. Ain't you been eating what I sent you?"

"I... I didn't have much of an appetite," I told half of the truth.

"Hmm," Frypan huffed and went back to cleaning. "I'm thinking something warm for breakfast, been stocking up on eggs for a while now, might be nice."

"Eggs? I'm sure the Glade would love it."

"And uhh," Frypan paused," I was thinking maybe you could start cookin' again too. Maybe one meal of the day or something small, just to get you started up again."

"Oh.. I don't know," I reached up and pulled at the bottom of my hair.

"Well we can try tomorrow, see how it goes, alright. I'm near done in here, you can go out and eat your soup," he said it casually but that was pretty much an order.

I picked up my bowl and went outside, Alby was gone from the Builder's table. Some of the Gladers had cleared out, so I went off and sat by myself, keeping my head down and not looking at anyone. Consistent conversation carried on like I wasn't even there but it still felt like they were all staring right at me. I didn't take another bite of soup, I just sat there and waited until enough time passed I'd be allowed to leave.

"I was looking for you," I heard Alby say just as he sat down across from me.

"Here I am."

"How did re-adjusting go?"

I looked up at him," I'm adjusted."

"It might take a few days," Alby told me.

"I said I was fine. I meant it."

"Greenbean, it even took me a few days to really grasp it all," he leaned in and whispered. "I don't expect this to go over without a hitch."

I sighed and pulled at my hair," I'm fine, Alby."

"Hey Greenie, good to see you," Alec waved to me as he walked past.

I felt the knot in my stomach tighten as I tried to smile back at him, it felt wrong.

"That was not fine," Alby crossed his arms and leaned back once Alec had passed.

"Well, I've only ever talked to Alec twice, it's weird he's even saying hi to me. I told you I'm fine and adjusted," I lowered my head as more Gladers walked by us.

Alby was quiet, I couldn't see if he what he was doing, but I imagined he was trying to figure me out. I looked up briefly but he was looking down at the table too, his eyes were dark and I saw he was lost in thought.

Finally he sat up straight," Alright, Greenie. I'll trust you, but I'll be checking in and making sure you're doing okay. The Runners and I are here if you need to talk about anything... so is Newt," he added quickly. Alby stood up then turned back to me," I got your hammock put up," he said before walking towards the Homestead.

After duping my cabbage water on the ground, I went to Homestead too, all the boys were getting into bed for the night. I tried not to look anyone in the eye as I maneuvered the winding trail to the far back corner. A dark stiff tarp like fabric was strung up with some rope and formed a small cocoon, it was meant for me. I slipped into it quietly and looked out over the room. I had a clear view of everyone, I even glanced to where I used to sleep in the center, Newt hadn't made it to bed yet. I rolled over and looked to the wall, blocking out everyone else as I traced my finger up and down the hard splintered surface.

One day down, I told myself. Only forever left to go.