I was late when I finally forced myself to get out of my hammock. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to talk to Frypan, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I made it to the kitchen after the first few Gladers were coming for breakfast. Frypan made the eggs without me, but I didn't really mind. The thought of making food for Alby made my stomached turn, the last thing I wanted was to do anything of service for him. I just did whatever Fyrpan asked of me, like a mindless shell, I did oblivious tasks with no real purpose, but no matter what he asked me to do, I did it wrong. He told me to start the fire, I almost set the kitchen on fire; then he asked me to stir the vegetables and I ended up dropping the bowl and shattering it. Frypan was running out of ideas on how to make me useful, but the list was already small. He settled to having me peel the peas, but that only caused me to cut my thumb.

"Shuck!," I dropped the knife.

"Give it here," Frypan wrapped my hand in a clean towel.

"I'm sorry," I apologized.

Frypan checked the cut, wetting the towel to clean off the blood. "It's not deep," he noted. "You should be okay, just keep pressure on it for a minute."

"Sorry, I really am sorry."

"Greenie, it happens all the time," Frypan chuckled and picked up the knife. "You feelin', okay?" he arched his eyebrow. "You seem quiet."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

It was the most unconvincing thing I had ever said. I let my hair fall into my face to help shield myself from Frypan's watchful eyes.

"I told ya, it's alright if you need some time off."

"Alby said I needed to be here."

"Psssht," Frypan stifled a laugh. "Alby might run the Glade but he doesn't run my kitchen."

The comment almost made me smile, but the muscles in my cheeks barely flinched.

"It's okay," I looked at the small cut, it had stopped bleeding. "I want to help." It was lie. I didn't want to help. I wanted to be asleep.

Frypan leaned against the counter and crossed his arms; his dark eyes looked me up and down. I didn't like the feeling it was giving me, it made me want to run away from him. It felt like he was looking for what I was hiding and what felt worse was that I thought he was starting to see it. I refused to look him in the eye and kept looking at my thumb, it was the perfect distraction.

"You really didn't eat none of my food," Frypan deduced.

"Huh?," I hadn't been expecting that.

"I can see it," he huffed. "Bones stickin' out all over. Imma have to fatten you up all over again."

"Sorry," I mumbled again.

"We need to beef everyone up," Frypan pushed off the counter. "Gonna be the chilly season soon, need some fat to keep us warm," he laughed at his own joke. "We should use the pork up for dinner. I'll finish up for lunch, not much left to do. You got get some water," he extended his arm with the water bucket. I reached for it and he pulled it back just out of my grasp with a devilish grin. "Don't drown, okay?"

I wanted to laugh at his stupid joke, but for whatever reason it irritated me. He must have heard the rumors that I tried to kill myself. So now I can't even be trusted to get water?! I scowled at Frypan and snatched the bucket from him, storming out of the kitchen without a word. If I told him the truth, he wouldn't be making those jokes! It's only the second day and I'm already losing it! Tears started to sting my eyes, why am I doing this again!? I wiped my eyes quickly with my sleeve. I can't just keep crying! Crying isn't going to solve this... but what will?

That started my downward spiral into the rest of the day, it was like being back in the Slammer with nothing but my thoughts. Except now I was expected to be a functioning member of Alby's society and work in the kitchen without any complaints and be the perfect little Glader. As if, I scoffed to myself as I restarted the fire for dinner. I'll never be one of them. I'm not a Glader.

"Wanna fry the pork?" Frypan asked.

"Do you trust me around the fire?" I crossed my arms.

"Haha! there she is, been waitin' on ya," he laughed loudly and set down the tray of raw meat. "Fry it up brown on both sides, I gotta go see Alby about food stock," he instructed before making his way towards the Homestead.

The comment would have been heartwarming if not paired with Alby's name. Just to think of his smug face make my fists clench involuntarily. I started to grill the meat, the sizzling smell wafting across the Glade attracted more guests than I would have wanted.

"Smells good, Greenie," Zart brushed his hair from his eyes.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"Have you seen Newt around? I need him to give me some clips," he gestured to his tousled hair. "Getting too heavy up top."

Newt, his name made her clench her jaw. How could Zart come here and ask me about him! No doubt they spent time in the garden together, Newt had to of mentioned what had happened!? I don't know where he is, why would he ask that!?

"I'd be surprised if he's not hidden away in the garden," I retorted.

"Most days yeah," Zart kicked up the dirt with his feet. "Haven't seen him today at all."

"Why would you assume I know where he is," I turned to him sharply.

"I... I-I, w-well, I-I..."

"I don't know where he is," I glared at Zart.

Zart scratched his head, he seemed once again oblivious to the venom laced in my words as he stared at the smoking meat.

"Dinner isn't ready yet," I turned back to the fire.

Zart let out a slow sigh, he wanted to say more but maybe he was smarter than he looked. If he had said anything I would have no doubt lashed out at him, lately he was just an extension of Newt to me. He didn't say anything and strolled back to the Homestead, I watched him as he wandered like he had nowhere to be and not a care in the world. He was a true Glader with no fears about the future. He got to live in the facade that Alby had constructed, blindly believing whatever he was told. I was like that too, I admitted with the tighter grip on my tongs. Maybe I am jealous of everyone else... maybe Ben should have never told me.

"Shuck," I muttered, pulling the charred meat of the heat.

I can't do anything right anymore, I'm just as useless as I've always been. I wanted to throw the meat on the ground and stomp on it until it blended with the grass, but I fought off my intrusive thoughts and went back into the kitchen to grab more pork. I ignored all the Gladers gathering around wafting smells of hot meat, their mouths watering as they made up excuses to talk to me. I let myself get lost in the dance of the fire again, the eb and flow of the burning coals was hypnotic.

"Getcha outta here," Frypan scared away the Builders with his stern, deep voice.

I felt empty. Not even watching them scurry away in fear of Frypan's repercussions was enough to make me force myself to smile. Maybe I'm broken now, I thought as Frypan gently took over the cooking. Can I even fake it like I promised Alby?

Frypan let me leave as dinner was being served, but not before forcing me to finish an entire plate while he watched. The thought of Alby looking for me but not being able to find me, did send a ping of happiness to my heart. I didn't go to the Homestead, I walked into the Deadhead and let myself absorb the silence of the trees. I didn't go see Jackson either, he deserved to be at peace and didn't need some girl sobbing over his rotting body. I stopped and sat underneath a tall thin tree, I looked up at its rough bark and scrawny branches and took a deep breath.

"This is forever," I said out loud to no one. I needed to hear it, to really let it sink in that there was no avoiding this. No running into the maze and making it all go away. There was no getting lost in Newt's dewy eyes and pretending it was all going to be okay.

"It's not going to be okay," I told myself as the gray sky darkened.

Am I going to be okay? I didn't dare say the words out loud for fear of what would happen. As if the sky would really crumble around me and I would be crushed by the unavoidable apocalypse brewing behind the madness of their grand design. Them. It always traced back to them. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them tightly, it felt like I was about to be swallowed up by the Glade, never to see the sun again.

"This is forever," I whispered, tucking my head down.

My knees started to shake so I held them tighter, refusing to really face the weight of my words. Can I really do this forever? Everyday?

There is no real world, Alby's world echoed in my head. Being out among them was worse, at least locked away in the Slammer I didn't have to face them. I didn't have to look them in the eyes and play pretend. In the Slammer, I wasn't part of Alby's game, but now going along with his plans, I was just another pawn. I wanted to sink back into the dirt, lay motionless for hours and let my mind go blank. I wanted the bliss of the Slammer, why had I ever wanted to get out? Would he lock me away forever if I asked him too?

I sucked in a shallow breath, the cold air irritated my lungs, causing me to cough. Nothing was how it used to be, the days were short and the sun was hidden in the gloomy clouds. The cold winds would whip my hair into knots, and it took forever to detangle them. It had only been two days. TWO DAYS! Two days for this place to go from bad to worse, who knew the Glade could make me more miserable.

I squeezed myself tighter to shield my face from the winds, Not even my tree was a solitude, I thought sadly. How had everything changed so drastically? Why was it all so different now. Was it my new realization? There is no real world. Is that why this world has lost its luster?

The Kitchen is still the same, but now whenever I'm inside I feel a tension inside my chest. It makes me think of Joe. I miss Joe, I admitted with a sniff. He might have been quiet and shy, but he was helpful, and he brought his own personality to the kitchen with him. He made the place feel stable between Frypan's cheeriness and my clumsiness.

The Deadhead is cold and bare, it's once blossoming, and bright canopy is gone. When I looked up, I see the sky through the bare limbs that have lost their leaves. The sky is gray, there is no warmth of happiness. It was getting dark; I'd have to go back soon or else I might get lost in the Deadhead.

Being in the Slammer was easy, I got to be numb to everything. Out here I have to feel it and it feels awful. It feels sad and scary, it feels hopeless.

I miss Jackson, I dropped my head again. If he was here, he would say something silly and offbeat, just the right thing to make me smile. He would make me see the bright side but without all I could see was dark and it was suffocating me. I felt like I was drowning on dry land and that there were people watching me drown and doing nothing. Alby was watching me suffer and he doesn't care. Ben knew how much this affected me, but he can't fix it. There is no way out of the maze.

There is no real world.

Newt doesn't even try to talk to me, not that I want him to. Maybe I do? But what use would it be? I would just scream at him, blame him, hate him for his lies. How could he lie to me all this time?

What's left for me here in this nothing world? Jackson is gone. Newt is gone. My faith is gone. What's left? Alby's little gang of Gladers? I scoffed at the idea, As if this place could ever be what it was before. It's tainted. It's ruined. It's a personal prison.

I'm miserable.

I'm exhausted.

I'm empty.

I'm not made for this world. Maybe I really was made by them for the purpose of a challenge. What even is a girl? It's not special, it's a curse. Was I even good at what they wanted? Did I challenge Alby the way they had planned?

I watched the dry, barren tree branches sway with the wind. Why did it get so cold, I huddled closer into myself.

If they created me, would they take me back? Would they stop tormenting me and focus on Alby alone? No... Why would they take me back? I'm just a problem, a burden... a stupid challenge.

So this is forever, I sighed again. I'm out of options. No escape through the maze. No way back to them. This is it. Good news is, I guess it can't get any worse. No like I can be trapped in a new prison, forced to lie. I'm stuck here in the Glade forced to live. I can't decide what's worse.

I should head back, I told myself but didn't move. I didn't want to go back. I want to say here, a new Slammer, a new escape from the real world.

There is no real world, I reminded myself. An oasis from this illusion, I correct my thoughts. Not even an escape. All I can think about is this shucking place. It makes me feel worse.

I'm trapped.

I slowly stretched out my legs, feeling the cold ground beneath me seeping through my thin clothes. The light of day was only a sliver and the black of night was crawling in quickly, leaving a dark blue hue in the Deadhead. I used the tree to help me stand and kicked the leaves as I sauntered back towards the lights. The Homestead was still noisy, the very opposite of the serene trees I had just left. Boys were rolling on the floor wrestling and shouting, laughing with one another.

"Greenie, we was getting worried," Gally turned from the playful fight.

"Don't be," I muttered and went past him. I didn't want to look at Gally, I only could see his questionable expression from the day I called out to him the Slammer. He looked bewildered and confused, it was a reflection of how I'm sure he still saw me. I didn't have the energy for the talk I'm sure he was trying to start. "Why did I call out to him?" I'm sure Alby had covered it up, so I didn't have to make up some lame excuse.

Gally let me pass and didn't try to keep talking to me. I went to my hammock and curled up tightly, turning away from the joyous laughter. I hope they stop soon; I just want to sleep.


Days passed one and nothing changed. It all felt the same. I went to work, barely did a thing as Frypan ran the whole kitchen himself. He would give me small tasks, but I never offered to help with anything, I'd only make a bigger mess. After work, I'd find somewhere to be alone, usually the Deadhead and just sit and wait for it be dark. I even fell asleep outside one time before the cold woke me up. Every day was the same. Every day I sunk deeper and deeper. Nothing could make me smile, I couldn't muster the energy to laugh. I felt hollow and alone. I could see Alby watching me closely, it only added to the weight of my burden. I avoided everyone, I never went to the med hut or talked to anyone at mealtimes. I didn't want to talk. I wanted it all to go away.

I wanted to Glade to magically disappear in the night. I wanted to wake up and have this all be a terrible dream; I would forget about the weird boy society I had fallen into. I'd never think about Grievers or Gladers again. I wouldn't have to see reminders of the boy who broke my heart. His curls, his brown eyes, or his crooked smile. I wanted it all to go away. I didn't want to hurt anymore.

"Greenie?"

I jumped at the sound of someone else. I must have been so lost in thought I didn't hear him sneak up on me. I wiped my eyes to be sure there were no tears lingering on my face.

"Didn't mean to scare you," he apologized.

"What are you even doing out here," I sniffled and pulled my knees closer to me.

"Well, I kind of know this is where you sneak off to every day."

"Gally, just go away. I want to be left alone."

"Well, I've been trying to talk to you," he rubbed the back of his head.

"I don't want to talk."

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened?"

I held my breath, is Gally asking me about that day? That day I was in the Slammer?

"Why are you asking me about that?"

Gally shuffled his feet, "I just want to know."

I squeezed myself tighter and clenched my jaw," Ask Alby. He'll tell you what you need to know."

"The thing is... I talked to Alby," Gally crouched beside me and looked over his shoulder. "But... it doesn't really make sense to me."

I turned to look at him. Gally. A Builder. He was asking the questions that no one else was, or maybe they were too afraid to approach me. Why would Gally be the one to come to me? He's loyal to Alby. He believes in the Glade and the maze. He's a real Glader.

"Just forget it, Gally," I sighed and turned away from him.

"I can't. I just... I don't know why but I can't forget it. I tried to but I just can't."

I wish he would go away, I thought. Then I flashed back to myself, reaching through the bars screaming at him. He had seemed so confused by it; he didn't understand what I was trying to tell him. It wasn't his fault; at the moment I wasn't making any sense and all I wanted was for Alby to be caught in his web of lies.

"I don't even remember that day," I lied to Gally.

"Then how do you know what day I'm talking about?," he cornered me in my own lie.

Anger flushed through me, why was he being so persistent? Why does her care so much? Why now!? Why didn't he care when it mattered!?

"Go away! I told you I wanted to be left alone!"

"Shh," Gally check over his shoulder again. "Look, Greenie. Just listen. I know you remember this; you were in the Slammer and you called out to me. You were trying to tell me something, I didn't understand it. Alby told me you were having a bad reaction to medication. It was making you see things that weren't real. Do you remember seeing me?"

I was rigid against the bark of the tree, Alby told everyone I was seeing things. It's as good enough excuse as any, why is Gally questioning it?

"It's whatever Alby said it is."

Gally dropped his voice to a whisper," You were saying that 'they were lying to us' and that 'we're trapped'. Do you remember this? Any of it?"

"Gally, please just go away," I was practically begging him.

"Alby said it was medicine, but the only medicine you take is for sleep, right? Did you take any medicine that day?"

I finally turned to where Gally was crouching by the tree. He looked nervous, maybe even scared, he again looked over his shoulder. Does he think someone was following him? Was someone watching us? Why was he acting like this?

"Why are you looking over your shoulder?"

"I just want to make sure were alone is all," he started tapping his fingers on the tree. It's obvious he was nervous, but why?

"Why are you asking me about this if Alby has already told you?"

I couldn't trust Gally. Not yet.

"It just... okay. I'll level with you," he checked once more to make sure we were alone. "Alby told me you were given some medicine and that you started seeing things and acting weird, which is why they put you in the Slammer. I asked Clint about it, he said they never gave you anything until after you started freaking out. Then the next day Alby came by the build and told me you had taken the medicine without asking since Clint and Jeff didn't give it you. But... Clint and Jeff have everything accounted for; they would never lose something. And it doesn't make sense for them to put you in the Slammer. They should have kept you in med hut restrained... And that day... that day you were in the Slammer. I'll never forget it," Gally paused, and I sucked in a shallow breath.

Why was he digging into this?

"You looked so scared in there," he was staring right at me, I looked away. "You were screaming for help, I thought you got hurt. You looked so helpless and so scared, but you didn't look crazy. You saw me, you said my name. When Alby was taking me away, I heard you yelling for me to come back. You might not remember it, but I do. I can't seem to forget it," he admitted.

"Why are you asking about it now?"

"Alby stopped answering the questions I had. He told me to just forget about it, you were better now, and we can move past it all. But I still have questions about it all and you're the only one left I can turn to. I... I have seen you at your worst, Greenie. With what happened with Lee and then I saw how hard you took Jackson's death. I know how you react when something is wrong and that is exactly what you did that day. I want to know, is something wrong?"

Gally. A Builder. I still don't trust him. Why would he come to me now? He would never dare say a bad word against, Alby. No wonder he keeps checking behind him, he doesn't want anyone to hear him. Gally's not the kind of guy to ask questions... then why would he be now?

"Alby sent you, didn't he?," I asked him peicing it all together. I was furious. How dare he try to act so innocent! He's trying to trick me!

"What? Alby? No, why would he?," Gally shook his head.

"He sent you here to see if I would...," I stopped myself. "Tell Alby to leave me alone!"

"Wait. Greenie, be quiet. I'm not trying to-..."

"Just stop! STOP!," I stood up so quickly, it startled Gally that he fell backwards. "Stop talking! I don't want to hear it anymore!

"Greenie, I'm only trying to help," Gally got up.

I clenched my fists at my sides," Yeah, you're trying to help him! Go on then! Go report to him! Tell me I'm being a good little Glader! Go and tell him I'm obeying his every command just like he wants!," I had started to yell. "Tell him! GO ON! TELL HIM I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE! JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Greenie! I'm not-..."

"I WON'T DO IT! NOW GO AWAY!," I stepped forward and pushed Gally in the chest.

"HEY!" "WHO'S THERE?!"

Gally and I both turned sharply to the sound of new voices calling out and torches were seen through the trees, they were close. Why were they here?

"So, he really was watching," I scoffed. "I don't know why I'm even surprised anymore."

"Greenie? Are you okay?"," Hank's face was lit by his torch as he approached.

"We heard shouting!", Aidan was behind him.

"We're fine," Gally laughed. "Just got a little excited in the heat of the moment."

Aidan looked at Gally then back at me," Did something happen?"

"WHAT! No nothing like that!," Gally started denying.

"Slim it, Gally," Hank's voice had dropped to a low growl.

"Greenie, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I crossed my arms.

"He didn't try to... to uhh..," Aidan couldn't say it.

"He wasn't trying to be like Lee, was he?," Hank blurted.

"You Slinthead!," Aidan wacked Hank over the back of his head.

"WHAT! NO! Nothing happened!" Gally pleaded that they believed him.

"Of course, nothing happened," I backed Gally.

Aidan and Hank looked to one another and then back to me.

"Nothing happened here but a disagreement! Why is that the first thing you think of is Lee?!," I clenched my fists and turned to Gally. "Never speak to me again, even if it is on his orders," I spat the words at him like venom. "You two," I addressed Hank and Aidan. "Stop acting so jacked! I am fine! Nothing is wrong so stop acting like you're protecting me! Everyone leave me alone!" I announced finally before pushing past Hank and Aidan and marching back to the Homestead.

I didn't look back, I kept going even as I was caught in the bushes and stabbed by thorns. I kept going until I safety nestled myself into my hammock, no one else approached me thankfully. I turned to the wall and tried to let my tears fall silently. It was so hard to keep it all inside, I didn't want to hold it in anymore. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to break through the wall of the maze one by one even if it meant doing it with my bare hands. I wanted to cry without having to worry about waking others, I wanted to mourn the loss of my life.

I sat up, the room was quiet since everyone was now asleep. How long had I been crying in the corner? I crept out the room past all the hammocks with snoring Gladers.

"Where are you going?"

Aidan. I recognized his voice in the dark.

"I'm going for a run," I told him and left the room.

"No Gladers out after dark," he followed me.

"Then go tell Alby," I dared him before taking off in a sprint.

It was a mistake. I should have stayed within the warm walls of the Homestead, the night was bitterly cold and showed me no mercy. I thought running would help me with the anger inside me, but there was no anger. I thought I was angry; angry at Alby, the Glade, the world, at them. But I didn't have room for anger, it was only sadness. I was just so sad, and it physically hurt. I kept running in the darkness, my instinct to jump and avoid the brush were still there, but the thrill was gone. I only felt the sting of the icy winds as I ran. I finally stopped at the Bloodhouse and kneeled over, letting the tears fall from my cheeks, the wet stains illuminated the chill of the air.

Why does it have to be this way?! Why can't there be a real world?! I want to be in the real world!

I wiped my nose on my sleeve and bit my tongue to hold back the scream simmering in my lungs.

Why does this have to be the real world, I rounded the corner and looked out at the Glade. It was near total darkness except the distant illuminated path to the Homestead. I could also see the tall silhouette of the watch tower. I don't want this. I walk further to find the name wall; I remember how badly I wanted to put myself up there. I wanted to carve who I was into the stone and be one of them, looking back it seems so trivial. To think I had shed tears for something as minuscule as a name without even looking at the bigger picture. I don't want this. I leaned closer and felt the familiar rough edges that spelled out Jackson's name and the sharp line slashed through it. I don't want this. Maybe it doesn't have to be forever.


I want to extend my thanks to everyone who is still reading this story. I really do appreciate all the PMs and reviews! I have to apologize for the terribly extended hiatus and am thankful for all of your patience. I first published this rendition of Maze Runner in 2017, it's been a long 5 years for all the readers waiting for an ending. I promise that I will complete the story and I am happy to have you all along for the ride!