Chapter 34: Breakdown


RPOV


~9 months ago~

"Hey..." I said as I walked into the room. Seeing Kat laying beside Carl as he was sleeping. They looked so peaceful, Kat looked like she hadn't had enough sleep. That she couldn't shut her eyes. Not even for a second. It worried me. It worried Lori too.

"Hey Dad...what's up?" she asked me as she sat up a little and supported the weight of her top half on her elbows. Her brown hair a long curly, tassle as the tips touched her bed and her blue eyes were curious, a look in them I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"I just...I wanted to talk to you, that's all," I said as I sighed, pulling up a chair that was on her side of the bed and looked at her. Sitting beside her, I had my hands clasped and my eyes darting from her face to the ground. How do I talk to her about this? If only I was like my father...he knew how to speak to me. To make me see sense.

"Oh all right...what about?" Kat asked me curiously. She decided to sit up and turn her body towards me to face me. Her blue eyes light and wondering what I would say to her. She's so young but...so strong. Maybe I should tell her from experience.

"Well..." I began unsure of what exactly I could say to her. "You went out there today..." I stated which probably would have made her a little exhausted from the fact she already knew. Way to point the obvious Rick. "You had to kill a man," I tell her bluntly. She looked calm. Yet...she looked troubled.

"Yes," Kat said just as bluntly as I did. "I did," she agreed with a small, quick nod of her head. Her blue eyes on mine and never wavering. Something is wrong...really wrong. I'm worried about her.

"I remember the first time I killed a man..." I said as I looked down at my clasping hands. "I was all shakey. You're mom couldn't sleep because I couldn't," I told her as I pursed lips. "She would give me these pills and herbal drinks but...nothing worked," I stated to Kat rather than to help her understand why I was talking to her. As to what my point was.

"I found out it wasn't the fact that I killed a man," I said as I looked up at Kat. Our blue eyes connecting to each other in a way that showed me she was being sympathetic. "It's because of the guilt," I revealed to her. "Everyone has a family...thinking about how to tell said family that someone they loved died..." I said with a small sigh.

"Because of me," I said as I felt my heart sink, my hands shake and body heat up at the memory. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. "It was hard," I stated to her as I looked up at her again, not realizing that my eyes had dropped down to look at the ground at the memory. "I kept thinking...'how can people cope to lose someone like that?'" I asked her and myself.

"Dad...difference is..." Kat said as she got up onto her feet. "I killed a man that didn't deserve to live," she said with a small growl in her voice. "He was going to rape me then kill me," she stated to me which made me frown. "It was my life...or his," she told me. "That was the difference," she said as though that was her conclusion.

"I wasn't afraid of dying...I'm still not," she told me bravely. "I'm afraid of not being able to prevent deaths for those I love," Kat stated as she gave me a sad expression. "If I lost you, mom...Carl...I don't know what I'd do," she told me with a pain in her voice, that she reached out and placed her hands over mine.

"That is what I was thinking of when I killed that man," she told me with a sadness in her eyes. "Not in myself or who I was taking this man away from," she said as though her heart could break in front of me any moment now. "I was thinking if I could be strong enough to kill someone in order to save the ones that matter more to me than myself," Kat said which made me look to her and worry. She's so...caring. So...selfless. How did I make such a strong and wise woman?


KPOV

We had silently wrapped Andrea's body into a cloth and tied it up so she was securely inside. We had done the same to Milton, asking the others to help me take Milton's body out front where he would of wanted to be burried. Somewhere he had worked hard for. For Woodbury. I would have liked to take him back to the prison but he always said he belonged in Woodbury, not just that as we had soil back at the prison that dad didn't want tainting. We couldn't risk it.

When we drove back, I was silent. Numb. I didn't know how to feel anymore. I could only sense sadness. A bottomless sadness. I had lost so much in the span of a few weeks. My heart was shredded and I had no idea how to fix it. I had been pushed to every limit and it was finally building up on me. Making me weak and reckless at times. I need to be stronger. For Carl, Judith, Dad and the others.

When we reached the prison, we parked the car and other transportations that held people from Woodbury. They settled in, while myself, Michonne and a few others helped us dig a grave for Andrea. Carl said he would make the cross for us and I thanked him with a hug and kiss to the top of his head. We didn't stop until she was under the ground, until we had prepared her 'A' with the stones my dad gave me and the cross Carl had made for us.

I stared at the graves, saw how it spelt out our names. M-A-O-T-C-L-K-A. They stood for Merle who wasn't burried but remembered by the gesture of a grave. Axel who had died during the Governor's attack. Oscar who died at Woodbury, but I never got to know him. T-Dog who died saving Carol. Carol who they had believed died during the attack. L for mom who had died while giving birth to Judith. Me, because they thought I died back at the farm but felt it right to bury me beside mom...

And Andrea. Burried beside me. Where she belonged. She had saved me. She had done so much for me that I was so blind and clueless to it all. She was good. A kind and caring person. Someone I knew loved me no matter what I had done. She was my sister. A best friend to me. It shook me to think she was no longer alive. No longer breathing. No longer telling me off for something stupid I did. I miss her.

I then looked to my mom's grave. She was no longer here to hug me, to kiss me like she did whenever I felt angered. Taking my hand and kissing the back of it to calm me. I felt myself freeze, unable to move as I thought of my mom. There were times that I felt like she was still with me. I knew she was in my heart but...I then thought of Judith. She will never know what a good mom our mom was. She will never know the sound of her voice. The touch of her skin. The teasing in her gestures. She will never know mom.

I then heard footsteps come closer to me. I knew who it was. I didn't need to look up to see who it was. It was Dad. He came up to stand beside me, he too looked at the graves and sighed. We had finished the funeral and everyone had left but...I stayed put. I couldn't somehow force myself to move. Only stuck to the ground and unable to take a step away from the graves. "Kat..." dad's concerned voice called to me.

"I..." dad's voice shook as he looked down at the graves but then turned his body to face me. "I know it's hard," he said sadly. "But...I'm here to listen if you need to talk," he tried to convince me to speak to him about what was going on with me. I was numb, tingles running along my skin as though I had a leg that was asleep when you put too much pressure on it for too long.

"There's nothing to talk about dad..." I told him coldly as my eyes were glued to the graves. "I...I don't know what to even say..." I tell him as I felt my throat tighten. The lump inside it was too much for me to handle. A stinging sensation in my synapse as I felt the tears build in my eyes. "I don't know where to start...or end," I stated to him truthfully.

"Katherine...don't ever hide yourself away from me. I'm here," he told me as he went to cup my face. "Don't shut me out," he pleaded at me with those blue eyes of his. "I'm here for you because you, Carl and Judith...you all come first," he tells me and wiped at the tears that were falling from my eyes and down my cheeks. "I'm your father. I'm here for the good and the bad," he states to me sadened as our eyes were locked on each other. "To cry...to mourn...that's not weakness. If anything...to me...it shows me strength," he tells me as his own eyes grew watery.

I couldn't hold it anymore. I broke down, I fell into his arms and he held me tightly. Falling to my knees, I let the sobs take over me. My body trembling wildly, my heart beating rapidly at the realization I had lost. My mouth wide as I cried out and my fingers gripping my dad. He dropped onto the floor with me, both of us laying on the ground as he held me tightly. His hand caressing my hair and face. The other holding me to him as he would rub my back to sooth me. Letting me cry in his arms. This was something I had never done before.

"They're...gone dad," I sobbed as I let my body be controlled over the emotions I had been bottling up for so long. "They're gone," I cried and kept my eyes glued to the graves. Dad holding me as I felt myself let go of all the emotions I had been fighting back. Letting myself mourn over my loss and to let my heart break in front of my dad. To let him comfort me. I had never been more thankful of him than I had at this very moment. Allowing the waves of tears to wreck my body and the shivers of the pain in my soul drain out along with my tears. With my cries and with my grip on my dad.


RPOV

The way she broke down in front of me, it all but killed me and crumbled my soul. A father never likes to see their daughter cry. Less so over the ones she loved and lost. It hurt to see her like this but I knew I needed to support her. We laid there beside the graves, holding each other close and letting her cry. My heart breaking to see her like this. Comforting her as well as I could.

She was so strong for so long that she deserved to let her emotions hold her for a few moments, knowing that she had been holding in all her sadness and trying to keep positive for us. It was my turn to help her through a tough time. I was thankful for her to show me this side, seeing as she never cried in front of me anymore. She felt it made her look weak. She's far from it. My strong and loving Kitten. Your mother would be so proud of you.

A lone tear fell from my eye as I held her. Her body vibrating from the cries she had been holding in for such a long time. Her sobbing controlling her in a way I never thought imaginable. Her heart was beating rapidly as I did my duty as her father by supporting her and caring for her. Offering her love and support by comforting her as best as I could. We'll get through this baby girl...together.


KPOV

"Hey..." Michonne's voice called to me as I stayed beside the graves, after sobbing my heart out, dad let me calm down and eventually when he knew I had finally got it out of my system, I felt stronger. He left me and did what he had to as a father to the others, to work with the group. I still felt numb, but stronger. I knew I no longer needed to cry. I felt the thirst for revenge.

"I'm going out to look for him," Michonne told me as she too stood staring at the graves. Her body firm beside mine, mine was stiff and in pain from all the crying. I had sobbed to the point where I felt like spilling out all the contents of my stomach. Michonne's steps were quiet but she made her presence known. "Every day," Michonne informed me.

"Daryl said he'll even help," Michonne rambled on. "Says he wants to find him too, to repay him for his brother Merle," Michonne informed me of Daryl's vendetta. Daryl's a good tracker. He'll find him. When we find him...we should give him a death only he deserves. Without mercy. Let him suffer. To see his life crumble to nothing. Just like he did to us. To all of us. Ruining our lives rather than trying to fix it. We've lost so much...

Looking to Michonne, I could tell she had sensed I would turn my head to look to her. "I'm going too," I stated bluntly. She didn't have to decline nor did she have to decide for me what I could or couldn't do.

"I knew you would," Michonne said with a small nod. Her expression was...expressionless. Andrea's death really hit her hard too. The Governor has to pay for all that he's done. To all the pain he's caused. To all the humiliation. To all the...deaths.

"Michonne..." I called to her. She went to turn away and walk off. Leaving me beside the graves until I said her name, making her stop in her tracks. She turned to look at me and stared directly at me. "We do this together...as the duo that once had Andrea," I tell her firmly. "We do this for Andrea," I say as I felt my throat clench at the sound of Andrea's name on my tongue. "But...I don't want to lose you too," I tell her saddened.

"I know," Michonne agreed with a nod of her head. She walked closer to me, I took her hand in mine and gave it a small squeeze.

"I love you Michonne," I told her as though she was a sister to me too. She is my sister. I've gotten so close to her during those 8 months. She's taught me a lot and she's kept me safe, fed and sane. She's more than a sister. She's a best friend. Just like Andrea was.

Michonne looked into my eyes and gave me a small sad smile. Taking hold of the back of my neck, she wrapped her other arm around me and hugged me to her. My arms wrapping around her frame to hold her to me. "I love you too Kat," she said softly as we both stood there for a while. Taking in each other's pain and thinking about Andrea. We need to make this right.


CPOV

I had stepped outside and saw Daryl looking like he was getting ready for something. Michonne was around doing God knows what and Kat was beside the graves. On the floor with dad holding her. From the distance you could tell she was crying. Crying didn't cut it. She was sobbing. Dad was comforting her and it pained me to see my sister in pain.

She's lost so much. Just as we have. But...she's always so strong. I'm scared she's going to fall into a dark hole or into depression. I felt numb after losing mom. I was lost. I thought I had lost both mom and Kat. Yet...when Kat came back, I was happier than I wanted to be. Kat laid there and her cries were loud enough that I could hear them faintly.

Daryl walked towards me, he too looking at the distance and frowned. "She'll be fine," he tried to reassure me. "Jus' needs to get it out of her system...that's all," Daryl said with a small shrug. "She'll get through this," Daryl said to me. "Jus' support her and help her in whatever she needs," he suggested.

"We'll all help pull her through this," Daryl said as he looked to Kat and he too looked a little upset about what was going on with Kat. "You have my word," he said as though he too would try and lift Kat from this sad experience. He'll fix her. Just like I will and Dad...and the others. We're a family. We'll all pull through this. I'm sure of it.


KPOV

"Hey...got the album out again?" Dad asked me as I was sat in the cafeteria, Judith on Carl's lap as we looked down at the photos in the album. Laughing and giggling at the pictures that held fond memories. Cringing at some of us either naked as children or of us not liking certain pictures for how we looked. We were currently look at when Carl had first lost his tooth, how he hated it because he felt he look stupid in it.

"Yeah...look at this," I said as I looked up at dad who moved to sit beside us, chuckling as he looked down at the album. "Remember when I had dyed my hair black?" I asked him, crying on the inside at the memory. Why did I do that?

"Oh yeah...you kept complaining that it was too dark," dad agreed as he looked at the picture of me in a prom dress, with jet black hair and a silky purple, curve hugging dress. "And that it took way too long to go back to brown," dad said as he remembered why I hated it so much.

"Mom kept complaining about how much I whined about it," I remembered as I laughed at my statement. I think I drove mom crazy with it. I think she even suggested I just shaved it off if it bothered me so much.

"Yeah, she'd come to bed at night and say how you wouldn't shut up about your hair," dad said with a small laugh, Carl smirking as he rocked little Judith in his arms. Smiling as he would glance up at the pair of us.

"It was her idea!" I complained shocked as everyone came in to see us discuss my mother. Of my teenage problems. She always did want me to look and act like a girl. She practically forced me to go to prom, even though I declined every offer.

"You didn't have to follow it Kat," dad said teasingly as he nudged me with his body as he swung a little to knock me. Making me laugh and shake my head at him. Hershel and the others all gathered as they watched us, smiling at us and our fond memories of our past.

"You looked nice with black hair," Carl commented as we all looked at the picture. I did look pretty with it but...I didn't like it. It was too strange for me to look at for too long. I still don't think the color black suits me.

"Don't, I hated it," I said slightly angered. As though I was still a teen. This was when Daryl came in and walked towards us, he had heard some of the conversation judging by how he leaned over my dad and examined the picture.

"Eh," he said as he was munching on something. Shrugging slightly as his eyes were glued to my photograph. "I prefer you with brown hair," Daryl said honestly as his eyes glanced up at me and my hair, then back down at the picture. Was that...a compliment? Or an insult? Talk about making things awkward...The way Dary spoke of me made both me, my dad and the others all look at him questioningly. He just shrugged and continued to eat noisily.

"I'm going out to hunt for some food," Daryl declared to us all as he walked over and picked up his crossbow. "Got more mouths to feed," Daryl told my dad as we had decided to bring all the people from Woodbury back here to the prison. He's right. We won't have enough with all these people now living here.

"I'll go with you," I said as I got up and gently shut the album. He nods and this was when our eyes trailed to my father. He was looking up at me and cleared his throat to indicate he was still worried about me.

"Are you sure about that Kat?" Dad questioned me. His blue eyes clashing with my own pair, as though I was looking through a mirror. He's worried about me but...I'll be fine. I'm not crazy, just sad and angry over the loss of my friend.

"Yeah," I said with a small nod. I picked up the album and clutched it in my hands. Dad gulped, looked away and nods. He gives me such freedom...He then looked up at Daryl who gave him a stern nod. As though they were communicating with the way they looked to one another. Is this some private language I didn't know about?

"I want to go too," Carl said as he spoke up to me. His eyes darting from me to dad. He was worried for which one of us would disagree. Dad stayed silent, he was chewing on the skin of his lip as he looked towards me with a raised eyebrow. Oh no...he wants me to decide.

"I-..." I said. Clueless as to what to tell him. To go out hunting? Is he sure he wants to do this? He's...well...fuck. What do I say to him?

"Please!" Carl pleaded when I didn't tell him a yes or no answer. "I need to learn how to hunt. In case if I ever need to," he tried to explain his reasons in why he wanted to come with us. Sounds good enough but...how do I know he wants to go out there only so he's allowed to use his gun? No way. My rules. He's not using a gun but he'll use silent weapons.

"Fine," I agreed to him coming along. "You can come but...on mine and Daryl's rules," I said as I looked to dad and lifted one leg over the other to get out of my seat. Placing my hand onto dad's shoulder as he overlapped it and lifted it to press a kiss to my fingers. He's back. I know he is. "Let me get my things ready," I said to Carl and Daryl as I took the photo album and went to my cell.


RPOV

The way Daryl spoke to Kat, showed me he would be willing to look after her. I trusted him. The way he's been towards Kat proved my theory. He likes her...and she likes him. They just don't know it or won't admit it to each other yet. When I gave him a look, I was asking him if I could trust he'd keep her safe. The nod told me he would and willingly. He's good for her. He wants to kill the Governor for what he did to her. Makes him worthy enough to like her. He's a good man.

"I hope you're okay with me going with you Daryl," Carl asked Daryl softly and calmly. He was still holding Judith but Carol was gently taking her from him. Slipping out of my seat, I saw Carl do the same and walk towards Daryl.

"Yeah...it's fine kid," Daryl agreed with a small nod. I had discussed earlier with Kat that I would take Carl's gun away because he was losing himself. Kat said she understood and that she would do whatever she needed to in order to bring back her brother to us. I trust her but...he still isn't allowed a gun. Not after what happened.

"I really want to learn to do what you can do," Carl explained to Daryl with a small nod of his head. He's a smart and strong boy. He can learn to be a better man with Daryl and his sister around. They're good people. They'll teach him. "What Kat can do," he said as he looked to me and I gave him a small smile.

"I get it," Daryl said with a nod. "But...we need to get some rules straight," Daryl said as he took hold of Carl's shoulder. "You stay close and listen to what me and your sister tell you," Daryl instructed him and this made me smile. Yeah. Carl will be good with these two. They're smart and quick. He'll learn to be a man and a good one with these two.

Slipping out of the cafeteria, I decided to go pay Kat a visit in her cell and left the others to discuss whatever they wanted to. I'm a little worried about Kat. She's broken down in front of me and in my arms. She's lost so much and she might be losing her mind like I did...I better check on her.


KPOV

"Kitty Kat?" Dad called to me as I was stood beside my bed, fingers gently grazing the photo album. My eyes glued to the happy family we had once been that was the front cover photo. Dad slowly stepped in and looked at me curious as to what I was doing.

"Hey dad...what's up?" I asked him as I looked up at him. My backpack was ready, placed on the bed and ready to zip up and leave. My eyes on dad as I held the album firmly in my hands. I miss mom but...I know she would want me to keep an eye on our family. To keep them safe at all costs.

"Nothing...what are you doing with the album?" dad asked me as he stood closer to me. Taking the album gently from me. His fingers lightly grazing over mine. "I thought you were going to get ready?" he asked me curiously as his eyes glanced up at me and away from the cover.

"I am but...I was just-..." I said trying to make an excuse but knowing there was no point. Always stick to the truth. Lies burn you. "Well...musing in my thoughts," I tried to explain what was going on with me.

"Tell me about it," he suggested as he gently lowered the album so he could keep his eyes on me. Directly staring into my own blue eyes as mine peered into equally as crystal blue orbs as my own.

"Well...mom," I began. "Back at the camp," I tried to set the picture for him. "When we thought you were dead," I tried to explain as I fumbled for words. "She thought it would be great to do this...routine. Every Friday night," I tell him as I looked down at my wriggling fingers. "I would join Carl and mom in a tent, we'd sleep together that night," I told him honestly but it was completely irrelevant to what I wanted to tell him.

"It was mostly because we always fell asleep while looking through the pictures," I said with a small smile at the memory of it all. "Anyway...what I'm trying to say is...we would look at these pictures and remember you," I explained to him, getting to the point with him.

"Ever since you've been back, we didn't need a reason to keep looking at the photo albums," I explained further. He was alive, there was no reason to try and remember him as a man who was once alive and meant something to us. "But now that mom's dead...it's reason enough to remember her for the woman we knew her as rather than Lori-the-one-that-slept-with-Shane," I tried to explain as I looked down, biting my bottom lip as I thought how dad might react angrily to this.

"Hey..." dad said as he placed a finger under my chin and lifted my head to look up at him. My blues glancing up at his and holding his gaze. "It makes sense," dad said with an appreciative smile. "Your mother was always smart like that," dad said with a small smirk. "Like you," he said and teasingly nudged my chin with the finger he had under it. "Thank you Kat..." he said with a warm smile and looked down at the album.

"For what?" I asked him curiously. My brows furrowing at him in slight confusion.

"For bringing me back," dad said sincerly as he looked directly into my eyes. "If it weren't for you, Carl and Judith...I might be still losing my mind and getting myself killed," he told me which made me look at him sadly. I guess we are all saving him. He's returned but I can see he is still a little broken.

"Dad...it's fine," I said with the warmest and most honest smile I have had on my face in a while. "We're family. We do these types of things for each other," I explained with a small shrug. "I better get ready for the hunting trip," I tell him after a few seconds of silence between us.

"About that..." dad said as he looked at his belt and pulled out the machete from where he kept it. "Here, you'll need this," he said as he was holding it out for me to take. "I-...I took this when you left it at the farm," he said as though he was still pained. The memory of the scene must haunt him.

"It was the only thing that was left of you," he explained as he looked at the machete and examined it. "It was selfish of me to keep it but...it was what got me through everything," he told me as though his life was held by this machete he was holding. "It kept me strong," he informed me and...I believed him. A token to remind him of me, to make him feel like I was always around, even when I wasn't.

"Keep it," I said to him with a nod and smile. "I work well with any types of machetes," I teased at him cockily. "Besides...it's been keeping you strong all this time," I said seriously as he gave me a small smile. "Suggest you stay strong," I said as I gently overlapped his hand with mine and guided him to put it back where he kept it.

"Love you Kitten," dad said as he pulled me in and pressed a kiss to my forehead. The kind gesture making me sigh and shut my eyes releaved. He's being so sweet. So fatherly...I think he is back but clearly damaged. Just-...he's slowly repairing himself and it's with all of our help.

"Love you too dad," I answered him as I placed my hands on his waist and leaned into his lips, allowing my forehead to linger on them for a moment longer. Pulling away a little, I picked up my bag and zipped it up, turning to dad, I leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek before walking past him and back to Carl and Daryl. Ready to leave to go on our hunting trip.


DPOV

I had never felt more awkward than I did just then. Peering over their shoulders to look down at an album which should have nothing to do with me, I looked at it and made a comment about her appearance. I wanted to hit myself for being so stupid. Are you fucking kidding me? Here I am, doing everything I can not to look like an idiot to her and I give her a comment.

She can take that as a compliment or an insult. Either way...you really fucked it up Dixon. Fuck. What do I do now? What made it worse was that everyone looked at me with this questioning look in their eyes. Fuck...I'm so stupid. She probably hates me or thinks I'm a freak. But...she needs to know she's beautiful however she looks...doesn't she? She must know. Her family are all attractive but her...there's something about her that makes me turn into an idiot.


KPOV

We were walking in the woods, Dad had taken the gun off of Carl and handed it to me. That we only use guns in case of an emergency. I decided to follow dad's plan and allow for Carl to not use the gun and only if it were absolutely necessary. Wandering the woods, pushing leaves away from our faces and ducking branches. "So...what exactly are we hunting for?" Carl asked us as Daryl had his crossbow up at all times.

"Anything," Daryl growled slightly at him with that rough voice he had. "We could get lucky, maybe some squirrels...a wild pig...a rabbit..." he said as he listed off any of the animals that could be good to bring to camp. Anything that was useful and could be stored for a while. "Anything we can eat," Daryl stated as he kept alert, my bow at the ready as I walked behind him. Carl staying beside me and close to me.

"Oh...okay," Carl said softly, agreeing with whatever Daryl told him. "Hey...Kat?" Carl called to me, asking for my attention. Gaining it easily as I moved to slip my bow and arrow back in place. Sliding out my machete and holding it firmly in my hand.

"Yeah?" I replied to him as I was alert and ready for if any walkers got too close to us. Daryl can be alert for food and me for walkers. Don't want one to jump out at us. Especially not now. No way will I let Carl get eaten.

"Keep your voices down, this is a hunt," Daryl growled at us impatiently and annoyed. Oops! "Not a chat show," he stated sarcastically. This made me look to Carl with raised eyebrows, look to Daryl and sigh.

"Sorry," me and Carl said in unison. Well...we are siblings. Might as well say things at exactly the same time.

"What is it?" I asked him a little quieter, keeping my voice low enough for Carl and Daryl to hear but not loud enough to scare off an animal too soon.

"Why do you love that book so much?" Carl asked me curiously, he too kept his voice low as we spoke to one another in the woods. This is really bad. We're probably pissing Daryl off more than he can stand.

"You mean my favourite book...Of Mice and Men?" I questioned him as I looked at him with a knowing look. Not many people understand why I would like a book like that but...it's literature that had a beautiful meaning to it. A wonderful message.

"Yeah...I read it and...it was weird," Carl admitted as he pulled a funny face. "I didn't understand much as to what it was meant to symbolize," Carl told me honestly. "Other than a bunch of people with lots of problems," he said as though he was concluding the book.

"Well...it showed how different types of people dealt with different situations," I remind him as he nods to this statement. "That...not everyone is the same and that there can be bad people in this world," I state with double meaning. People like the Governor.

"People that can be misunderstood and that...doing the right thing isn't always the right thing," I admit as I felt slightly saddened to have to say something like that to my brother. Considering he had shot down a boy in cold blood. "It's about hopes," I state. "Dreams," I added seperately.

"About people who would go to great lengths to keep the ones they love alive," I said as it reminded me of myself. Of people that have done that in the past, of those who did it for me or the ones I love. Like Andrea. "That some relationships are better than any treasure you could find," I state as I smiled at Carl. "For relationships are no comparison to gold," I told him with a shake of my head. "It's worth more, lots more," I said to him honestly.

"But my favourite meaning in that book is the fact that...it's based on truth," I told him as I remembered the book. "That people in different times, situations and environments can get though anything that life throws their way," I state as I thought of how we were now. How we all lived in this new, crazy life. "It shows hope," I said, being hopeful in the way I said it.

"And we all know how much you like to hope," Carl mumbled as we pushed leaves away, Daryl slowing down as he listened to me speak of the book. As he carefully stepped and listened out for any animals.

"We always get through it," I state as I watched where we were stepping and pointed to the things that Carl needed to watch out for. "It's what we do," I remind him as it was proven in history and thought all the years. "As humans and as people," I tell him as I thought about dad, about all that had happened to us rececntly. "We grow stronger and beat whatever is happening that could bring us down," I informed him and then Daryl stopped.

The sound of a twig snapping in the distance and birds flying out of the trees. That...is never a good sign. Daryl stopped us and told us to get back. Suddenly, walkers were surrounding us and we had to run. Daryl pushing us forward as I kept Carl close. Suddenly, he ran to be in front of me, dodging walkers and he got grabbed by one. "Carl!" I shouted when I saw him scream and try to get the grip of the walker off of him.

Carl had fallen to the floor, the walker trying to claw up his leg as Carl tried to kick it off of him. Running to him, I grabbed my knife and cut it deep into the back of it's skull. Holding my hand out for Carl as I lifted him and rushed to get us away from the walkers that were coming closer to us. Heading in another direction as we all ran towards a way far from the walkers. Carl had kept running ahead but he was quicker this time. More alert.

Next thing I knew, I was pushed against a tree by a walker, Carl too far ahead of me and the walker trying to grab and bite at me. Pushing it away from me as hard as I could. "Kat!" I heard Carl scream after me, as Carl screamed, a familiar arrow sliced it's way into the walker's head. Pulling it out of it's head, I looked to Daryl and we exchanged a nod.

We kept running for a long while until we were cornered, that was when I saw a ladder and a treehouse above it. Daryl too had noticed it and this was when he shoved Carl to go up first. "Go! Go! Go!" Daryl demanded of us as I was after Carl to climb up. Daryl quickly hurrying after us and climbing up quickly. When we got to the top, we looked down and were all panting from the fear of almost becoming walker food.

"Do you think they'll go away?" Carl asked a little worried as they all clawed around the tree. Let's just hope they don't know how to climb up trees or ladders. Then...we'd be in trouble. Daryl lowered his crossbow, handing him the arrow I had pulled out and looking down at the walkers that snarled up at us. Wanting us as their dinner.

"Yeah...eventually," Daryl said breathlessly. "We're stuck here until they find something else and decide to leave," Daryl stated as he squinted down at the walkers. I turned to Carl and checked him for any bites or scratches, both of us pulling each other into hugs when we knew neither of us were harmed.

We turned to the door to the treehouse, it was big enough for me and Daryl as well as other adults to fit inside. Knocking on the door, we waited for any walkers and were glad to find only one. Daryl quickly killing it with his knife and entering first. "Might as well look around for supplies," I said as I glanced around the room. "Oh my God...Carl!" I said wide eyed as we all searched for things.

Carl had picked up something that was blue, in a plastic bag and it made me jump out of my skin. I knew exactly what that was and I did not want Carl anywhere near that. "Keep away from that!" I growled to him as he quickly dropped it. Daryl walked over and picked it up, examining it with a small chewing movement of biting the inside of his cheek.

"Is that what I think it is?" Carl asked us curious and slightly worried. Yes...it's blue crystals. Meth. Holy fuck. I was hoping never to see that again since Daryl had found it in Merle's secret stash. This must remind Daryl about Merle...shit.

"Crystal..." Daryl said as he threw it out a makeshift window and then kept walking around the room. "Whiskey..." he said as he showed us a bottle of whiskey and placed it into his back pack. "Seems to me we hit the prison breaker's escape hide-out jackpot," Daryl stated as I too had come to that conclusion.

"Literally," I agreed as I looked around and found some weapons, smaller ones. Knives, guns, some ammo and some supplies we could use back at the prison. Daryl was opening drawers and poking his fingers into them, rummaging things around and seeing if there was anything useful.

"Hey..." Daryl called out as I would look around the room slightly disgusted to find more drugs and the things to use them with. Daryl had thrown something big to Carl's direction. Carl was quick and caught it.

"Oh," he said as he turned it so he could look at it. "Notebooks?" he questioned Daryl skeptically as he looked up at Daryl slightly confused as to this gesture. It made me look to Carl slightlt stunned by his way of talking to Daryl. That's a little rude. He should be thankful.

"It's good to use notebooks, that way you remember things and can write them down," I tell Carl as I walked to him and took the notebooks in my hands. Checking them out and seeing that it looked like it was in good condition on the outside. "Let me look at it first," I told him as I opened the pages and ripped out whatever was written on them.

"Here," I told him as I scrunched up the paper and grabbed an ashtray to place the papers in, using a lighter and setting it on fire. "I might get some myself," I tell him as I thought of what I could do with notebooks. "Use them to hold data or...maybe just use them to doodle on," I said with a little wink to Carl which made him chuckle softly.

"We might aswell get comfortable here," I say as I take a seat on the ground, looking around and noticing how small and cramped it was with all the junk that was in the way. "Well...as comfortable as we can get..." I tell them as Carl came towards me, placing his bag next to us and deciding to lay his head on my legs, curling up against me.

It was late at night, the crickets were chirping, we had eaten something I packed with us for the journey and the walkers were silent. Carl was fast asleep with his head on my lap, my fingers gently running through his hair comfortingly from time to time. God...I miss times like these. Where it was just me and my brother. Where I could do things like this. 8 months without him...it was driving me crazy.

"He cares about you, you know that right?" Daryl asked me as he sat down on the opposite side, his eyes on me as he chewing on the inside of his cheek. I didn't know if it was a normal habit or a nervous one. "He would do anything for you," he said to me, his eyes dark but twinking in the little light we had. "Same as your father," Daryl informed me as it made me sigh. Looking down at the peaceful face, which was the face of my brother in a blissful deep sleep.

"I know...just like I would for them," I state to Daryl as I thought of all that had happened. All that would happen because of the ones I loved. I would go to the end of the earth for my family. For the ones I love. For everyone back at the prison, I would. "For everyone back at the prison," I state to him which made him nod.

"We know," Daryl told me as he lifted his thumb into his mouth, biting something on it as I kept my eyes on him. "It's why everyone either loves you or admires you back at the prison," he told me as though this was something I was bound to know. Guess I'm appreciated back there.

"Which one would you put yourself in?" I asked him as I glanced down at Carl, then flashed my eyes up to look at him from under my lashes. Curious as to what he would say. Daryl was...interesting. Attractive. I couldn't deny that. He's caring and sweet when he wants to be but...I sense him to be a little reserved at times.

"Kat...you're family," Daryl stated as though this was a pointed fact. Sounds like me or my dad. I know he means well but...I'm curious as to what he would have said. No...he doesn't love me. He barely notices me. The thought of this morning made me blush. To the compliment he had given me which made me slightly confused. My cheeks on fire but I was thankful that the lighting wasn't great. This meant he wouldn't tell I was blushing.

"I know," I tell him as I pursed my lips as to not laugh or smile. Not wanting to make it any more awkward than I already had. Wow...I'm a supid idiot who doesn't know when to keep their mouth shut. "I was just teasing you...sorry," I told him shyly. Wanting to hit myself for being so pathetic.

"It's okay," he said and this was when we were in silence for a few moments. Neither of us speaking. Daryl lazily leaning against the wall as Carl's gentle breathing filled the room. "What you thinking about?" he asked as he pulled me away from the thoughts I had.

"Just...home," I tell him. He went to speak but I stopped him. "Not your regular home," I inform him, knowing that it would be unclear to him. "Not the prison," I state as I thought of what he was assume would be my home.

"Oh...so...your hometown?" he asked me curiously. His eyes glued to me as he lazily rested his arm on his knee that was raised along with his foot, his legs making a triangle if you sat beside him at a different angle. One leg hitched and the other laying flat against the ground.

"No," I said bluntly. That was my home but I know that it's not true anymore. Home isn't a building to me. Or the value of it.

"Then where is your home?" he asked me slightly confused and amused about where I was thinking about. It should be obvious...shouldn't it? You would think it is...at least...I would.

"That's the funny thing," I state with a small smile forming on my lips. "After being held in a room where all you had was your thoughts...all I could think of was home," I tell him truthfully. "Returning to it," I said with a small sigh. My fingers grazing Carl's skull as I would caress his hair.

"Being stuck on a chair, being tortured and treated like shit gives you a lot of free time to think about things," I stated as I remembered the time I had spent on the chair. The endless hits, cuts and other torturing ways the Governor used against me. The way I would sit there alone, cuffed and alone. "Believe it or not," I spoke as I looked down pained.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Daryl said sadly as his voice was low. Filled with a surprising tone of sorrow. "Can't say I didn't warn you," he said as I looked up at him. Great...so here comes the 'I told you so'...

"You did," I agreed with him. "Anyway..." I began again. "Turns out...everyone has their own views on what home is," I inform him, surprised of it myself. Words...such powerful tools. "A place where you belong," I said stating one of the views. "A place where you're safe and fed," I tell him which made him look at me curiously.

"A roof over your head," I said another view point to him. "A place where you feel loved," I said as I looked down at Carl's sleeping form. Then to Daryl who sighed heavily and relaxed into his position. "For me...it's something completely different," I said softly, gently as though my view was the most fragile of them all.

"What is it?" Daryl asked me curiously, his tone calm and his voice scratchy, that rough way that would make me shiver at times. His voice...it does things to me. I'm glad he can't tell. His voice is like a personal drug to my ears. It's a nice sound. One I wouldn't mind getting used to hearing.

"It's wherever the people I love are," I informed him as I looked down at Carl with loving eyes. My sweet...troubled baby brother. I'm going to bring you back. Make mom proud of you becoming a little man. To become a man that knows right from wrong.

"What's the difference from it being somewhere you feel loved?" Daryl asked me a little skeptically. Curious as to why I would say such an obscure thing. He's so clueless sometimes. It's all in the way it's worded.

"Because I don't care if they don't love me in return," I tell him honestly as I looked to Carl's sweet, angelic face and how it comforted me to see him like this. "It's where the people I love are," I repeated. "I put them before myself out of love," I explained. "I don't care if they love me because what matters to me is the fact I love them," I told him, explaining the differences further. With this, we stayed silent and slowly, I fell into a deep sleep as Carl had. Letting my body relax into the welcoming darkness.


DPOV

Staring at a sleeping Kat was always something that interested me, seeing as she always looked peaceful, despite the circumstances and situations we were in. Taking watch, I knew that she was happy when she was asleep with Carl's head on her lap. They looked like they were always like this. Remembering how they looked at camp made me smirk slightly.

They have been like this more than once. Carl would sometimes fall asleep on her lap like that when he was too full from the food we had eaten. I'm glad I kept them fed. I'm glad Merle was cuffed to that roof. Otherwise I would have left with all the food and with Merle. Leaving them behind, dying and I would have never got to know them like I do now.

God...what an asshole I would have been if I did that. It's not what I want to be. I want to be a better man. They wouldn't have deserved us robbing them blind. For once...I'm glad that it didn't happen as we had planned. I've changed but...I know it's for the better. I never thought I could trust people, forget learn to love them. I trust them. They are family and...other things to me.

Looking at Kat in the light of the moon, how the curves of her face were relaxed, how her long, slender fingers were in Carl's hair and how her blue eyes were hidden beneath her eyelids. I couldn't help but feel something for her. I would never admit to her what I was already thinking. I like her...not like family. I think she's...ugh...what do I say? 'Interesting'? No. Sounds like I'm being a pussy. 'Hot'? No...it makes me sound like an asshole.

Oh! I got it. She's beautiful and...I know I would do anything for her. My legs were weak sometimes when she would look at me the way she did. Those were when she would look up at me from under her lashes. Tempting me and making my throat dry. Then...there were the times she would look at me as though she was breaking down walls I had built and found my soul. These times were how she made me breathless.

When she was asleep...I was speechless. Her soft, short brown curls were something I wanted to feel. What would they feel like if I ran my fingers through them? What would her touch feel like against my skin? The distant memory of when I had her hand in mine came back to me. When I had lifted her up into the back of the van. When she kissed my cheek, when she would push me away from Martinez. All of her touches flooding back into my memory.

How she would wrap her arms around me and press her body tightly to mine on the bike made me shift a little in my position. Feeling something inside me stir and my muscles tensing. I can still remember her smell...the sound of her breaking and the warmth of her body. What would that feel like without any barriers? Stop. This is Rick's daughter. The man who saved you, protected you and defends you.

The same man who made three pieces of art but...I'm clearly more curious about the oldest one he had created. Sitting there, I stared at her and pondered some more. Musing in my thoughts and trying not to get caught or to get myself in a position which could turn out bad for me. Don't want to look like an idiot in front of her again. Especially not in front of her brother too. Come to think of it...I prefered her with long hair too.

I then thought of how she was like with her brother. It was nothing like me and Merle. For one, they were always together and she was never in the slammer. Carl was never alone. He always had her. Kat too wasn't dead, nor was Carl. Kat loves her brother enough to be willing to keep living for him. To survive in order to keep him safe. He's still very young to care for himself alone. As for Merle...he loved me enough to save us by taking his life away. Leaving me alone but...knowing that there were people here who loved me and would look out for me.

I miss him but...there were differences. I admired both of them. Kat and Merle. For they were so different but so similiar at the same time. Kat and Merle would both do things to save the ones they loved. They put us first. The ones they loved. My fingers clenched as I thought of the Governor. My knuckles turning white. He tortured the people I cared about. Could have killed Kat...killed Merle. He will die and pay for what he's done. He will.


KPOV

In the morning, we kept hunting and were pleased to see there weren't many walkers roaming around. Heading to the prison, we spoke small talk like conversations and found a few animals that Daryl carried around with him. I offered to take some but he told me that he 'got it' and kept walking. Reaching the prison, we got back and the others were discussing what to do about the walls that had been destroyed. As to how we could fix the damage, this was when I offered to go look for some DIY store and get bricks and mixture.

Dad was worried but he knew he couldn't stop me from going. Daryl, Glenn and Maggie offered to join me on this task. Agreeing, we all went and got what we needed. There were a few walkers and the whole trip was silent. None of us communicating with one another as we did what was needed and returned to the prison. Deciding to start building with the plan dad and the others had done, Daryl said he would help start building while Sasha and Tyreese stood guard against walkers.

We were silently mixing the mixture with water and smoothing it out with the tools we took with us. Preparing the bricks as we looked at each other from time to time. Keeping silent and alert for either the Governor or for walkers. Our movements in synchronization as we would keep a pattern between us. Every movement was flowed and equal. Precise.

"You know..." Daryl began softly. "It ain't your fault," he said which left me slightly confused. Keeping my eyes on the work but would allow for them to flash up to steal a glance at Daryl. What does he mean it isn't my fault?

"What do you mean?" I asked him curiously.

"Andrea," he stated pained as I froze at the sound of her name. It still hurts. This wound is still fresh. "Lori," he said which made me sadden even more than I already was. Mom..."It ain't your fault either of them died," he tried to explain what he had meant earlier.

"I know my mom's death wasn't my fault," I stated to him as I didn't look up to him. "The only thing I'm sorry about with my mom is that...she died thinking I was dead all along," I state as I felt my heart clench sadly at the thought of my mom's death. Of her grave.

"Andrea..." I said with a small and pained sigh. Stopping what I was doing to look up at the sky. As though she could hear me from where I was. "I know it wasn't my fault," I told him. "It was the Governor," I stated coldly. "What I regret...isn't the fact that I saved you guys," I began to explain. "I regret not being able to save Andrea when I could have," I said as I felt my heart sink. Just like what happened with Sophia.

"You know..." I said mirroring Daryl's words from moments ago. "Merle's death wasn't your fault either," I stated to him as I felt myself sadden for him. For his loss. We've all lost so much. I don't want to know how Daryl must have felt.

"I know..." he agreed with a small nod. He too had now stopped what he was doing. "That was the Governor's fault too," Daryl agreed. "Merle always had pride...even when our dad was beating the shit out of us," Daryl revealed which made me gasp. "Yeah...my dad was a drunk," he explained which made me gape at him.

He's revealing his past to me and all I'm doing is looking like a fish out of water! Say something! "I'm sorry Daryl," I said softly. Well...at least it was something. Christ. How have you survived this long?

"Doesn't matter," Daryl growled as he continued to do his work a little more rushed. Angry. "He was a dick anyway," he tells me. "Merle...he always thought that the best way to end something...was by doing it yourself," he said to me. "Funny thing is...he could never end his addictions," Daryl stated about Merle. "Must have been the only comfort that made him forget about our dad," Daryl explained.

"Still made him the same as our dad," Daryl stated to me as he continued with his brick laying and ignoring me. "He was still an addict," Daryl pointed out. "One was an addict to drinks, the other to drugs...to me that's one and the same," he told me which I had to agree with.

"Still...he did something I would have never expected him to," Daryl explained which I had to agree to. "He still saved us from the Governor...gave us time," he told me with a small sense of pride. "He died stupidly...but with a good cause," Daryl said with a sad but proud tone in his voice.

"Neither of them deserved to die Daryl," I said to him sadly. Reaching out, I stopped him by placing my hand over his. "Not for any good enough reason," I spoke kindly as he stopped and looked first to my hand over his then up at me. Keeping our eyes locked, I felt my heart pound within my chest. The way he looked at me this very moment made me feel like we were looking into each other's soul.

"The Governor is a mad man," I stated. "He was not even close enough to call sane," I reminded him. "What Michonne said about the heads...was true," I revealed to him. This made Daryl ask me stunned if I had seen the heads. I simply looked away, pursed my lips and nod. "He kept the heads of...Felipe and Guillermo," I tol Daryl with a lump forming in my throat.

"Wait..." Daryl said as he processed what I had meant. "You mean...the ones from that nursing home?" he asked me a little stunned by what I had just told him. "Damn," Daryl said as he moved away and realized I wouldn't speak. That I wouldn't answer, telling him that yes. It was true and I wouldn't deny it.

"I heard you want to help me and Michonne look for the Governor," I said clearing my throat and looking down at my work as I went back to doing it. Daryl was still stood there, doing nothing while I did our job.

"Yeah..." Daryl agreed. "I'm a tracker...if I can find his trail...we'll find him soon enough," Daryl said as though to ease the stress of finding the Governor and ending him. "I want to kill him even more now, after what you just told me...how can you blame me?" Daryl asked me. "He killed good people...killed my brother," Daryl said pained. "Killed Andrea," Daryl kept ticking things off as though they were all a list.

"He terrorized you, tortured you and...did he?" Daryl asked as he trailed off. This made me stop and look at him stunned. He looked away slightly shy and angered. Please don't tell me he's asking me what I think he is. Jesus Christ.

"What?" I question Daryl. "Did he rape me?" I asked him the question that was written on his face. He was pacing and he didn't want to look me in the eyes. His blues flashing to look at me when I mentioned 'rape' coldly. "No," I informed him when he didn't answer my own question. "He didn't have the chance to...as far as I know," I told him.

"Thanks for wanting to tag along with us but..." I began as we continued to do our work. "I feel this...thing," I said as though it was obvious but it wasn't. Daryl just kept his eyes curious as I pointed to my stomach. "A gut feeling," I explained so there was no confusion for him. "That the Governor will be back...with an army and that...there's no point in finding him," I state. "Because he will find us," I state which made him look at me with a nod.

"If the Governor is anything like you guys have explained...like we all know him," Daryl began as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. "He'll be back," Daryl agreed. "But...we'll need to be ready," Daryl stated and he couldn't be any more right. We need to be prepared for when he comes.


RPOV

I have to do it. Carl can't keep having his gun with him if he's going to be killing innocent children. He can't think that I accept that. He's losing himself. He's been losing himself since we lost Dale...since Shane was shot by him. Then his mother's death...the thought of Kat being dead too. It's all been chipping away at who he was. He needs to come back to us. I have to make things right.

As for Kat...she's strong but weak at times. She's repairing herself and she's a good person. Independent, smart, strong, fast and skilled. She should survive. She was built for this...I see it now. No matter what has been thrown her way...she's stayed like who she was, just...harder. She's been shapped in this world but she's still who she's always been. I worry for her but...I need to do what a father must to protect and save his children...


Hey guys...a little sad with the number of reviews I got for the season finale. I finished this yesterday, ready for when I got the 10 but...clearly...didn't reach the 10 I asked for. So...10 REVIEWS FOR THIS CHAPTER PLEASE. Or it simply takes me longer than is needed. Next chapter will be the beginning to Season 4! So...


Questions then replies to reviews! Questions: Who's excited for Season 4 of this story?! What would you like to see happen? What do you predict will happen? What do you think of the development of Kat and Daryl (as characters and a couple)?


EastDenise: Aww! I actually love Carl. He's a kid but...he's troubled. Just like the rest of the family! It's only normal in this world love!


kayley . docherty: I liked Andrea too but...we'll have to see what happens. Hopefully she's strong enough to get through this. Hope this sufficed for what will be coming in season 4! #Karyl


Guest: We'll just have to wait and see!


KoNeKoLuvsU: I was sobbing while reading that chapter. It really hurt. I liked Andrea and Kat's relationship. They weren't as cold or awkward as her and Michonne even if Michonne cares for Kat.


thefifthmarauder47: Who's badassery/human moments? Thank you very much dear! xoxo


Starlight: Hope this was enough for you dear. She needed to do something about holding back so many emotions. Being strong for everyone but not considering herself. She's always selfless like that.


kellie: Who do you think she will be going with? Hell...she might be alone for all you know! ;) As for Daryl and Kat or as I and some others call them #Karyl, they are both slow into this realtionship as they don't know what's to come or if there is any true emotions behind each other's actions, words and thoughts. It's just who they both are. How they are both played out.


BlueEyedSalvatore: Sadly...it's going to take way too long for the kiss to happen but...I know the perfect moment for it. When they're alone...and in the dark. OOPS! SPOILER! I'm so mean. ;) Karyl will happen soon enough but...it's always going to be a slow burn between these two. It's just who they are and how they react to things.


Anyway...I won't post the next chapter until there are 10 reviews for this one!

Much love

HeroJustInTime90 xx