Chapter 43: Memories
KPOV
~6 months ago~
"You know," Daryl began, we were searching around the house we were in, looking for supplies and anything else we could take with us. My back was to him, but when he spoke, I turned rapidly to look at him and offered him all my attention. "I'm glad some things happened," Daryl said as our eyes connected but he quickly looked away from me.
"What do you mean?" I asked him, curious as to what he was talking about. His eyes flashed up to clash with mine and I was surprised to see he looked a little nervous in that moment. It felt like the times when we had first met, when he was nervous and worried by just the look in his eyes.
"I mean that, if Merle hadn't been cuffed to that roof, I wouldn't be who I am now," Daryl told me which made me truthfully believe what he had just said. Something about him was always closed off, he didn't talk much about Merle or about his past. Although, he had told me a lot of stories about himself when he was younger, such as the time he had got lost and when his mother died. It was all sad.
The way he spoke about himself made me curious as to what he could possibly mean. "And who are you now?" I asked him, knowing the answer already to this question as I was only testing him. Hopeful that he knew the answer to this question.
Daryl's bright blues collided with mine as we stared at one another. My breath caught in my throat, his gaze was one of purity. A tint on innocence was hidden in them, as though I could see through his eyes and into his soul. It was frightening but breathtaking at the same time. "I don't know how to answer that," his voice was small as he answered me, it reminded me of a small boy, one who was afraid and scared of his father in the past. Remembering the time he revealed to me of his father's addiction, his abuse and how Daryl viewed his father and brother as equals to a point.
"I do," I told him, making him glance at me with surprise in his eyes. "You're kind, honest, you're good with my siblings," I began to list. "Not to mention my Dad," I pointed out, remembering how he was so good with all of us in my family. "You're sensitive, well mannered, you have hope and...you're a true born survivor," I inform him, admiration was shy in my voice at the last part. "Smart, observant," I continued to list.
Our gazes were locked on one another. His eyes were an icey blue, glued to me and making my lips part from how intense our stares were. "You're a good man, Daryl," I told him, meaning every word I spoke to him. "A good, honorable and just man," I said each carefully so he could catch them and never let our gazes waver. "And I mean that," I stated honestly.
"No. You don't," Daryl spoke lowly, his voice was rough and it made a shiver run down my spine. "If Merle wasn't chained to that roof, I would have left with him and I would have taken all of your supplies," Daryl stated, the both of us subconciously had turned to face each other. Listening intently as we stood to our feet, objects of interest in our hands and we were still.
"We would've robbed you blind," Daryl's voice was more of a growl as he spoke this time, his expression was one of anger and honesty. Our eyes fixated on one another as the other listened, while the other spoke. "Clean sweep," Daryl made a gesture of cleaning up a mess in a single sweep of the air.
"If he didn't slice his hand off, I wouldn't have changed," Daryl informed me which made me look at him with sad eyes, my brows furrowed and my body was limp from how intently I was listening. "I wouldn't have trusted anyone," Daryl spoke, his eyes quickly averted from my own and down to whatever was in his hands. "I didn't even trust Merle at that time," Daryl told me, allowing me another peek at his personal life, of his past.
"There is so much I would love to have changed," Daryl said, sighing at the end and not meeting my gaze. Possibly because of the intensity and honesty that was between us in this vulnerable moment. "All the ones we cared about's deaths, the search for you...if I knew you were alive, I would of kept going," Daryl told me which made me feel empathy for him.
Daryl quickly glanced up at me but looked away after a few moments, the pair of us were silent as we stared at one another. "I think I lost faith after we lost Sophia," Daryl said which made my heart sink for him. My heart dropping further at the mention of sweet, innocent Sophia. The girl that had gotten lost in the woods. "I think about her every day," Daryl revealed to me, his eyes were locked with mine as he spoke. He gulped, then focused his gaze back onto whatever he was holding. "I wish I could've done something more to help find her," Daryl told me with a sadness in his voice, filled with regret and pain.
My heart ached for him. "Daryl, you took a bullet and an arrow for her," I reminded him. "You've done right by Sophia and Carol," I said to him, but he wouldn't look me in the eye. "Losing Sophia was all my fault," I revealed to him, still thinking of the day I could have chased after her and how I could have saved her with Dad.
"Daryl, the man you were before, isn't the man you are now," I began, changing the topic and it was when I noticed that I hadn't looked at him as I spoke. My eyes were shied away, locked to the floor as I stared at it. "That part, it will always stay with you because it made you who you are now," I told him, coming from experience and I kept my blues on his. "But don't let it be the thing to bring you down," I sounded almost pleading as I spoke to him.
Daryl's eyes were focused on me, but I knew his mind was processing all I had said. His head fixing some sentence or excuse to give me. I knew him well enough to know he would do something like I had foreseen."But I-" Daryl went to complain or argue back, either way, I wasn't going to let it happen.
"I've told you before, the choices you were going to make is irrelevant," I told him, cutting in and not letting him finish his sentence. "You're a good man Daryl," I repeated. "Nothing will make me not see that," I assured him of what I would think and what I thought in that moment. "Nothing," I spoke firmly. The way we stared at each other, it made my stomach feel weird. Our features soft under the gentle glow of the moonlight. "Your secret is safe with me," I said with a smile creeping onto my lips, his own was smaller than mine whilst he nod and we continued to grab supplies so we could leave early in the morning.
Present day...DPOV
Beth and I had been running for hours, it was already night time and we needed to find some shelter. Somewhere we could hide and stay out of sight of walkers, somehwere we could rest our heads for a while. Reaching a road, we had burst through the trees, pushing branches and leaves out of our faces. There was no where to go, the pair of us had bumped into a car on the way as we ran. Thunder rumbled and rolled along the sky, I kept my thoughts clear so I could find a solution for what sounded like a herd was coming our way.
We had come across a car, Beth was checking to see if the car would start, but I had very little hope it did. Considering the state it was in. When Beth had attempted a few times, nothing had happened and we had to think of something else. We couldn't run anymore. I couldn't hold my ground if there was going to be multiple walkers coming towards us. Keeping my aim on any walkers that would slither out, I kept myself steady and waited for Beth to give me a signal that the car was in fact not working. We need to hide. Not under the car, what happened with Sophia, ain't gonna happen with Beth.
Spotting the car's boot, I saw it looked big enough and was possibly useful for us to take shelter. At least until the herd passed and we were certain we could get out. "Come on," I growled as I gestured for her to follow me, opening the boot, I kept a look out and waited until she was in. Stepping inside, I crouched down and sat, laying beside her as we faced each other. Our legs sprawled out beside each other. My crossbow aimed, I waited for anything to come out, I had tied the boot shut and we listened to the walkers growl. Thumping against the car as they bumped into it, the car shook from the impact, and both myself and Beth were unable to sleep. Keeping out eyes on the walkers that would pass by us.
Eventually, it all calmed down. The thunder had rolled over. The walkers were all gone and the sun had risen. Both myself and Beth were dripping in sweat, neither of us spoke and we were both staying as still as possible. When we thought the coast was clear, she untied the knot I had made and stepped out slowly. She was on her feet, looking out for walkers and I too got out of the boot. During the night, the walkers snarled, shook the car and we could hardly sleep. Not with the walkers, not with the thunder and on going fear.
I have to stay awake, stay vigilant and keep Beth safe. I have to. We then gathered as many objects from the car as we could, using them later for something me and Kat had once done. The birds chirping while we walked down the road, garbage bags in hand and what was once junk was now held inside the bag. All as useful resources.
KPOV
We were clearing out a house, trying to look for a good enough top. I was rummaging around in a wardrobe of a woman's, looking for any tops that would be better than the kitten top I wore. Finding a spaggetti strapped, green top, I changed into it and felt relieved to no longer wear it. Glancing around at other clothes, I stopped when I saw a top that had angel wings on them. "You miss him, don't you?" Michonne's voice made me jump as she caught me staring at the top, reminding me of a leather cut that had the same image on it. Daryl.
"Who?" I asked her, shock and surpise evident on my expression at her sudden intrusion. Michonne took a few more steps towards me, her hands behind her back and she examined me from a distance. I could tell by the look in her eyes, she approved of my new top. Why is she asking me if I missed Daryl? Of course I miss him!
Michonne's eyebrows were raised as she clenched her hands into fists, resting them on her hips while she looked me directly in the eyes. Her expression was one that told me not to play games with her. "Don't play that 'I don't know what you're talking about' card on me," Michonne said emphasising her quote. "You know who I meant," she told me which made me roll my eyes at her, mimicking her stance and staring at her directly in the eyes after the roll.
"I-...of course I do, he's my friend," I reminded her, feeling my throat tighten and my body begin to sweat at this information that slipped from my lips. Is it hot in here? Or did I just make this awkward? Flashes of the attractive, kind and sweet man entered my mind. Memories of a distant past clouded my vision, I was thrown into our past moments that were shared, between myself and Daryl.
Michonne wasn't having any of it, I could tell and see it in how she was acting. "You keep telling yourself that," she said with a small 'Mmmhm'. Teasing bitch. I knew she secretly knew about my thoughts about Daryl. He was kind, funny, sweet and he was always looking out for me. She must have known.
I was a little surprised by her insinuation, trying to make me feel like a girl who was crazy about a guy, or as though I was in denial about it. I think I know myself rather well, thank you very much. "Wha-" I was going to question her angrily, but she cut me off and raised her hand, her palm facing me. A little baffled by her words and tone.
Michonne giggled, her smile wide and it made me blush faintly. Shaking my head, I pushed back stray hairs from my face and tucked them behind the curve of my ear. "Whatever makes you happy," she said with a small laugh that had escaped her lips. It was silent between us for a moment, both of us comfortable while I readjusted my top a little more. "You think he's still alive," Michonne said, her tone was serious as I looked up at her, my eyes connecting to her and making me a little surprised.
"Yeah," I said, not having to think it over, or deliberate about it. "But I don't think we'll ever see him again," I told her my true and honest thoughts. Looking away from her, I glanced at my fumbling fingers as they would swirl and fiddle. "He'll do what he does best," I spoke with a small shrug of one shoulder. Glancing up at her, she gave me a look of curiousity and I knew she wanted me to make my point clearer. "Survive," I informed her of what he was best at.
DPOV
I was hunting, looking for any food that we could cook. We needed meat, along with whatever bullshit we could find on the leaves of growing plants. Stalking through the woods, I found a squirrel and aimed at it. Shooting, it landed in the tree and not on the meal I had wanted. The squirrel ran off and I had wandered over to the tree, pulled out my arrow and inspected it. It's breaking. Sighing, I snapped it in half and examined how broken it was. Just like me. Broken inside.
Coming across a snake, I stalked closely behind it and found a branch big enough and perfectly shapped to trap it. Catching it, it hissed and I struck quickly. Using my knife, I stabbed it in the head and sliced off the head. Allowing me to see the skin of the snake, I began to peel it off and make my way towards Beth. Examining the length and amount of meat that could be eaten from the snake, it seemed enough. Placing all the skin to one side, I was pleased to see that Beth had used what we found to make a ring around the camp side, making sound if walkers got too close to us and alerting us of them.
Beth had also made a fire, where we used it to cook the snake I had hunted down. Munching quietly, Beth chose this moment to talk to me. I just want to eat in silence. That way, walkers ain't gonna know if we're here. "I need a drink," Beth said. "No, I mean a real drink," she whined when I threw her the water. Spitting and picking at my teeth for any meat that was between my teeth, for meat that burnt and for bones that I may have brought into my mouth.
Beth was being whiney, she had stopped eating and was now sitting around, staring at the ground, or glancing at me. "As in alcohol," she explained what she was craving for. "I've never had one," she informed me, but I didn't take notice of her words. All I could hear was her rambling on. "'Cause of my dad. But he's not exactly around anymore, so...I thought we could go find some," she rambled on.
Beth was starting to slowly take notice that I wasn't focused on her, ravaging the meal I had in my hands and ignoring what she was saying. My ears took interest when she said she never had anything to drink, especially when she spoke of Hershel. "Okay. Well, enjoy your snake jerky," she said when she noticed I wasn't listening to her blabing. She had pulled out my knife from the log again, making me sigh and stare at her storming off. Damn her. Always taking my knife. She ain't gonna get very far.
Grumbling, I got to my feet and followed after her. Taking my crossbow wherever I went and stalked up to her slowly. I saw her throw a rock in one direction, my knife wasn't in her hands but hers was. She clutched it to her chest while walkers wandered in the direction of where she threw the rock. Smart. Getting closer to her, a twig snaped under my foot and alerted her of my intrusion. When she noticed me, she gasped and pointed her knife at me. As though she was about to kill me. Reaching a hand out, I made a gesture for her to give me back the knife, pulling it out from behind her back pocket, she handed it to me and rolled her eyes.
Leading her back to camp, I stayed silent as she continued to speak. "I think we made it away," she spoke, I didn't know exactly what she wanted to be away from but I knew I wasn't going to let her go running off on her own. Crazy bitch is going to get herself killed. She's all I got left. I ain't gonna let her escape, get herself killed or be alone. "I'm pretty sure we got to go that way to find the booze," she gestured towards a direction but I continued to walk ahead. When she heard a clanging sound, I had already stepped over the line and was back in the camp.
Beth looked at me, she wasn't pleased. Her blue eyes wide and wild, her face pale and a crease formed above her eyebrows. "What the hell?" she asked me anger evident in her voice. "You brought me back," she growled, her blues were nothing like Kats. While Beth's eyes were blue, they were darker and more of a gray tint. Kat's was a blue, clear and the color of crystals. When Kat was focused, her eyes were an icy blue. When Kat was angry, it looked like there was a storm in her eyes, whereas Beth's eyes were dark and almost black when she was angry. "I'm not staying in this suck-ass camp," she snarled at me and threw me the middle finger.
Just as she was about to turn away, I took hold of her and jumped over the line so I could turn her to face me once more. "Hey!" I shouted to her, not liking how she was treating me in this very moment. What the hell? I'm keeping her safe and all she goes and does is swear at me? I give her food, keep her safe and I keep her company. How can she be so ungrateful and disrespctful? "You had your fun," I told her, angered and my voice was rough.
Beth pulled her arm out of my hold, staring back at me and there was incredulous in her eyes. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she asked me, angered and irritated. "Do you feel anything?" she questioned me, I was speechless but thankfully enough, she began to speak before I could answer. "Yeah, you think everything's screwed. I guess that's a feeling," she spoke, acting as though she knew me. "So you want to spend the rest of our lives staring into a fire and eating mud snakes?" she asked whilst staring behind me, glancing at the camp we had made.
I could see the anger in Beth, but I could also feel my own anger and sorrow flooding in my veins. I missed the ones we lost, but I had to keep fighting. For Beth, she's the only family I have now. "Screw that," she spat. "We might as well do something," she exclaimed. "I can take care of myself and I'm gonna get a damn drink," she spoke, making me pace around, feeling a lot like when I had first met the others at the camp. I noticed I had my body sideways, staring at her over my shoulder and pacing on my feet. Shit. This is like old times. I'm back to asshole Daryl. This isn't who I am. Kat wouldn't want to see me like this. Not after everything that's happened...
Beth had turned and walked off, taking a few moments to think through my options, I already knew what I was going to do. Following after her, I called to her and told her we should go look for some booze. But that she's to stay close, and to stop stealing my knife and running away with it. It's like she's scared I'm going to leave her. I can't let her get away, not like I let all the others and Kat get away. Not this time.
KPOV
Stepping into a room I knew Dad was in, I peered in through the frame and rounded the corner to look at hime. "Hey, Dad?" I called to him, hoping he would hear me and turn to face me. He did just as I hoped, he had stopped searching for supplies, turning his head first to look over his shoulder and then realized it was me. Making him rotate to stare at me directly in the eyes.
"What's wrong, Kat?" he asked me, his voice was soft and gentle. Loving. Much a like a father would and should be towards his children. Taking a few steps inside, I kept my eyes hidden from him and made my way to stand in front of him. My hands behind my back, his hand resting on the bedside table as he leaned against it. Apply all his weight to the arm that held him upright alongside the bedside table.
Gulping loudly, I calculated my words and ensured myself that I wouldn't speak in a way that would make me sound dumb. "I'm curious," I began, Dad sighed and gestured for us to sit down on the bed. Feeling like old times, I followed his lead and sat beside him. Both of us getting comfortable as we sat side by side.
Dad's eyes were light as he looked at me, showing interest and kindness. "What about?" he asked me and I gave him a sad smile, all before I looked down at my twiddling thumbs. I was curious as to what he would say, but I didn't know if I wanted to hear what he believed and thought.
"Do you think that..." I began before I looked back up at him. His features were smooth, but something about his eyes showed concern and worry. "The others and Daryl survived?" I asked him, hopefull but starting to doubt the thought of it. Could they have survived? Did someone take Judith before she could have been...I don't even want to think about it. I can't put my hopes up. Not with this.
Dad stayed silent for a few moments. "The attack on the prison?" he asked, I didn't give him a verbal response, but I did offer him a quick and vigorous nod. "I hope so, but I don't know if our paths will cross again," Dad said which made me feel sad, but I didn't take much notice to it. They should continue, find shelter and stay safe. "So honestly, I don't know," Dad said, his hand resting on my knee as he gave me a small smile. "What do you think?" he asked me, but didn't give me time to answer. "Why are you asking me this?" he questioned me quizzically, his brows furrowed and his body twisting to look at me better.
I felt a lump build in my throat, finding myself speechless for a moment and unsure how to answer him. How do I explain my insecurities without it sounding needy? I care about Daryl, its hard to picture him no longer being beside me. "I just wanted to hear your thoughts on the matter," I told him, knowing my voice quivered a little but I chose to go a safe route, knowing that sticking as close to the truth was the best option.
"Well, now you've heard it," Dad told me, giving me a small pat on the knee with the palm of his hand. "Daryl is a good man," Dad reminded me, making me smile and nod. "He's skilled," Dad informed me, making me remember the time I had said the same to Daryl. "A tracker too," Dad said, making me feel as though I had a life changing moment. Or some sort of epiphany. "I have no doubt that he's out there somewhere," Dad assured, his eyes darting around the room before they looked at me once again. "Surviving, like we are," Dad spoke softly, with a smile curling his lips and warming my heart a little.
The sudden realization of a fact my Dad had proven, made me question everything more so than before. "That's what I mean," I began, I heard the panic in my own voice and I knew my eyes were wide as I stared at Dad. "If he's a tracker, he could be following us," I could feel my heart racing at the mere thought. "Maybe he is, or maybe he just doesn't want to," I suggested, my heart dropped at the thought of Daryl forgetting us and moving forward. Picturing him finding our prints as Michonne had, my mind spinning and a lump grew in my throat.
Dad smiled at me, chuckling softly before he rest his arm over my shoulder, his hand lightly squeezed my shoulder. "Baby girl, no matter how small Georgia may look on the map, it's a big piece of land," Dad tried to reassure me, that maybe he was separated so far from us, that he wasn't possibly going to return.
Dad shrugged, glancing around the room and then landing his eyes on me after he spoke. "Daryl might have followed another trail, thinking it was us," Dad gave me the idea, making me feel a little worried for what Daryl might be following after. "Wherever he is, I'm sure he's alive," Dad reassured me, giving my shoulder another squeeze. "That's what matters," he tried to make me see sense and I knew he was right.
Nodding, I began to process all we had talked of. Picturing all the different scenarios Daryl could be in and stayed silent for a few moments. "Yeah," I mumbled quietly. "You're right," I agreed as I had only then realized I was staring elsewhere, meeting his gaze and offering him a small, shy and sweet smile. Dad has to be right. Daryl must be out there, looking for us.
DPOV
We were walking in the woods for a time, until we came across what looked like a clearing, but it was actually a golf course. Beth walked ahead, I stayed behind and kept close. She turned a little to look at me, her eyes squinting towards me before she glanced around the field. "Golfers like to booze it up, right?" she asked me curiously. We saw a few walkers make their way towards us, their bodies swayed with each step they took and myself and Beth exchanged a look. "Come on," she spoke before we continued towards the huge club house.
Walking past a sign, I kept close and silent behind Beth. Pine Vista, Country Club. "Might be people inside," Beth said as we stopped, she glanced at the building and looked at it hopeful. There was thunder rumbling while we went for the front door, seeing a corpse by the door, I checked him for anything useful. The only thing he had was a golf club. Heading towards the back door, I made sure Beth stayed behind while I opened the door and stepped inside.
Seeing that there was nothing inside, only dead bodies and walkers dangling from the ceiling. "Come on,"I told her when I saw that the coast was clear. Entering, we began to check for anything useful and I saw Beth's eyes dart to the bodies I had only briefly seen. The walkers snarling as we approached them, lifting and checking a flashlight, I saw it still worked. Getting a better view, I saw the walkers were well dressed, taking small and slow steps I examined the room and scene further. They were all still working here when the world turned to shit. They killed their employees and hung themselves. Shit.
Weirdly, seeing the walkers strung up like that, only reminded me of the time me and Kat were wandering in the woods. Of when we found the walker dangling from a tree, the pair of us searching for Sophia, all while Carl was shot. Staring up at the walkers, I could hear snipets of our conversation that night echoing in my head.
"You haven't got that look on your face the same as everybody else," I had remarked on Kat's expression towards Sophia. "It ain't the mountains of Tibet. It's Georgia. She could be holed up in a farmhouse somwhere," I had said to Kat, speaking of Sophia and all I could think of was Kat. "People get lost and they survive," I had said to Kat, making me wonder if Kat could have survived the Governor's attack, escaped and was now lost. "Happens all the time," I had said to Kat. "How'd you learn to shoot?" I could hear her small voice ask me. After she had made a remark about feeling sick when seeing the walker dangling from the tree, legs chewed and pieces of skin dangling from them. I could hear Kat's laughter at the mention of the time I had got lost, of the time I returned and had an itchy ass.
"Hanging up there like a big pinata. The other geeks came and ate all the flesh off his legs," I had told Kat when I saw the walker. I took a closer look at the walker's legs, they weren't eaten and their clothes were still perfectly covering their skin. Nope. Not these walkers. "Aren't you gonna-?" she had asked, staring up at the walker and gestured for me to shoot it. Staring at these walkers I then looked down, feeling the ache in my heart from the memories I had of Kat. That's all it will ever be now. Memories.
Catching sight of money in a bag, I pushed it into the bag it was once in and crouched down. Beth had found her own flashlight, the pair of us finding whatever was useful. "Ain't gonna waste an arrow," I had said to Kat about her question and the walker. I had thought much the same in this moment. Kat's not around, no need to act like a kind person when I've been acting an asshole to Beth. "You worried about your brother? It's just a question," I had asked her about Carl when we heard the news of him being shot, she had stayed behind and stayed with us.
"An answer for an arrow. Fair?" she questioned me, I could still remember her expression. How she stared at the walker, how she would glance at me through the darkness. How beautiful she looked when the moonlight hit her skin, illuminating it and making it hard to resist her. "Weren't you worried about Merle, being cuffed to that roof and when we found only his hand still there?" she had asked me, which had made me think of Merle and now made me think of both of them. Gathering up supplies, anything and almost everything, I was still musing in my thoughts. Seems like I'm allways worried and afraid.
Beth turned to me, noticing me crouched on the ground and pushing stacks of cash into a leather, black bag. "Why are you keeping all that stuff?" she asked me, her brows furrowed and questioning eyes glancing between me and the bag. I didn't answer, I kept shoving things into it and stared at her. A sudden banging on the door spooked us both, alerting us that the walkers had finally caught up to us.
Taking the backpack, I slung it over my shoulder and looked towards the door. Keeping my eye on it, I got to my feet and saw Beth make her way towards me. "Come on," I told her quietly, leading her into a halway and slammed the door shut with a grunt. We were both silent, wandering down halls and entering different rooms. Taking whatever we could find while water was dripping somwhere. Finding some cinnamon, gum and anything else I could carry around with me. The sound of pans clanging made me look back, I was searching for any more food and anything else that would be of use for us.
When I heard growling, I then heard the familiar sound of a small gasps, then grunting, a bottle smashing and the sound of panting. During Beth's little contact with a walker, she had successfully killed it and I had walked closer to her. I had my crossbow up, aiming at the walker but then lowered my weapon. "Thanks for the help," Beth said sarcastically, when she saw be standing there in the hallway.
Staring down at the walker, I noticed she had been jabbing it multiple times with then end of the smashed bottle. Her back was pressed against a wall, trying to regain her breath and her eyes were wild. Her hair was a mess and her chest was rising and falling quickly, I was a little worried that she would go into shock. "You said you could take care of yourself," I reminded her of her words back at the camp we had made. "You did," I said with a small nod, indicating to the walker that laid dead on the ground beside her feet.
Walking down the stairs, I made my way down a hall and saw that we were blocked by things that had fallen over. Getting to my knees, I moved a clock that began to chime as I moved it, panting, I made sure not to get myself cut from the glass. The glass case had smashed and landed on the floor, spilled out and making myself, along with Beth, weary of the damage we could take from it. On my feet, I looked around using the light from the flashlight and I heard the ticking of the clock. Tempus fugit. I saw written on the clock, Beth had moved past me and walked off into a room. Abandoning me and I followed after her. She gasped and jumped back when her foot came into contact with a mannequin's hand.
Looking around for anything, I then chewed on some of the cinnamon I had found earlier. Glancing for anything, I turned and saw half a woman, placed on a mannequin's lower body, a sign dangling on her neck that said 'Rich Bitch'. She wore expensive jewlery and clothes, her skin clinging to her bones. She looked frail, weak and as though her skin was as thin as paper. Sitting down, Beth soon followed in and was wearing a new top and cardigan. She noticed the woman, tried to get the clothes off of her and was trying to get her down from her stand. Beth then looked to me, showing she had struggled enough and now needed my help. "Help me take her down," she ordered me, rather than asked.
I wasn't surprised by her actions, the way she was eager to get the woman off this stand. It was the good in her. Being a good person, it's going to get her one day killed. "It don't matter," I told her. "She's dead," I spoke as I pointed to the figure. Blood dripped down the mannequin's legs, blood that was once the woman's blood.
Beth was still trying to get the woman down, but was failing at it. Her arms holding the woman and attempting to get her off the mannequin. "It does matter," Beth replied, faster than a bullet shooting towards me.
Deliberating it, I glanced down and thought about my options. Getting to my feet, I thought better than to let Beth continue to struggle, or look at it. Picking up a blanket, I shook it out and walked towards Beth and the woman. "Here," I said as I threw it over it's head, hiding the woman from Beth's sight. Turning back, we made our way back towards the hall, heading further down it and passing the clock. The clock was silently ticking, until it began to chime and spooked us. The pair of us turned and looked around, worried that walkers would now come towards us from the sound of the clock's loud noise. "Okay," I reassured Beth as I nudged her to keep going down the hall.
Passing a few other rooms, we were about to enter one when I heard the sound of walkers growling. They made their way towards the door, possibly hearing the clock and moving towards the sound. Their interest then changed when they caught sight of us, Beth gasped lightly, causing me to shove her down the hall. "Move," I orderd as we made our way down the hall and stopped again. There were more walkers growling and making our way towards us. A barrier of chairs, tables and other furnature stopping them from coming further. Four walkers. Shit. Maybe more.
Following after Beth, I slowly stopped. Realizing something and deciding my fate. I'm tired of running. If walkers want to eat me, they can, but I won't run away like some pussy. Not anymore. They overtook the prison after the Governor destroyed it, they probably ate Kat. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm emotional. I don't like it. But I will not run away, I'm going to fight. If Beth likes it or not, I'm going to and this is the perfect spot to do it.
I began to chew on my gum a little more, my teeth gritting as I turned and raised my bow. The sounds of walkers coming closer alerted me that they were near, shooting one down, the other came closer. Throwing my crossbow at him, I shoved him forcefully back and saw another come closer. Grunting at the impact of shoving the walker, I ducked down and picked up a golf club. Swinging the golf club to one of the walkers that made its way towards me, I grunted and clenched my jaw. With another swing, I saw one of the walkers drop and take the end of the golf club into it's head.
Breaking the club, I used the end of it to stab the walker in the head, one that had entered the room. Two had entererd and were making their way towards me, kicking one back, he fell to the floor and I took a step back. Pulling out my knife, I wandered towards the other walker, it was trying to grab at me, but I pushed it back and stabbed him in the eye with my knife. I could sense watching my rampage, her stare was burning into my back. A walker wearing a green sweater got to his feet, he was the one I had kicked back.
Picking up another golf club, I then began to swing and hit him everywhere. Letting my anger go on him, grunting with each hit and hitting his face with the club. For Kat. Hit. I lost her. Hit. Again. Hit. I miss her. Hit. I miss everyone. Hit. Rick. Hit. Carl. Hit. Maggie. Hit. Glenn. Hit. Michonne. Hit. Merle. Hit. Andrea. Hit. Sophia. Hit. Lil' Ass-Kicker. Hit. Lori. Hit. T-Dog. Hit. Carol. Hit. Sasha. Hit. Hershel. Hit. Tyreese. Hit. Dale. Hit. But Kat, I lost her to the Governor. With a final hit, I saw the walker no longer growl, a side of his face breaking and flying towards Beth.
Beth, of course, gasped and gave me a look of disgust. My hair covering my eyes, sticking to my face, wet and dripping with sweat. I was panting, I could feel my face as red and my teeth had a weird aching feeling. Possibly from all the clenching, gritting them and how I chewed my gum with anger. Beth's cardigan and shirt was covered in walker blood, her body stiff and her expression was one of worry and digust. Turning her back on me, she undid her cardigan and threw it to one side as she walked into another hallway that led to a bar.
Beth stopped, staring at the huge room, her body still and her voice sounded as though she was numb. "We made it," she told me. Slowly, she turned her head to look at me and I didn't know what to say. "I know you think this is stupid. And it probably is," she began, her eyes glued to me as she spoke. "But I don't care," she informed me. "All I wanted to do today was lay down and cry, but we don't get to do that," she told me, sounding a little like her father.
The way she looked at me, made me feel like she was trying to understand me. But I felt like she somehow did, as what escaped her lips next made me surprised by how she annalysed me. "So beat up on walkers if that makes you feel better," she suggested what I should do. "I need to do this," she spoke firmly. Determined. Beth went inside, following after her, we stayed silent as she searched the bar for a drink. Searching for anything useful, I dumped it into the backpack and found a map hung up on the wall. Smashing the glass, it shatters loudly and had irritated Beth by how she looked at me. "Did you have to break the glass?" she questioned me.
Her tone was one of judgement, of irritation and I could tell I was getting on her last nerve. "No," I stated bluntly. She had walked out of the bar, a bottle in her hand and I was curious as to what she had found. "You have your drink yet?" I asked her back. Maybe she's a happy drunk, hopefully she is because if she gets moodier, Jesus am I going to have a hard time looking after her. Kat's a happy drunk...
Beth's voice and answer quickly pulled me out of my musing. "No," she answered back bluntly. "But I found this," Beth said as she took a seat, her back was to me but she would glance at me from over her shoulder. I began to fold the map, sliding it into the backpack and sealing it shut. "Peach schnapps," she told me. "Is it good?" she asked, as I walked past her and towards source of entertainment.
"No," I answered back quickly and bluntly. That drink tastes like shit. Like some chemical crap that they actually believed would sell.
Beth's eyes followed me when I walked past her and placed my crossbow on the pool table beside the bar. "Well, it's the only thing left," she told me sadly, as though I was the one being a moody bitch. Picking up a few pool balls, I studdied them and lazily threw them back onto the table. I remember playing this with Merle. Always trying to hustle people, in order to get more money and buy himself some more drugs. Finding some darts, I pulled them out of the board and made my way to the pictures on a wooden board. Proud, rich people and fancy business men. Throwing the darts lazily, I didn't know how to play, but I knew how to aim and shoot.
Poking holes into the people's faces, necks and other bodily parts, I was amused and it kept me from sitting around bored with Beth. Watching her drink alcohol, like a stupid college girl, trying to get drunk over their sorrows. "Who needs a glass?" I heard Beth mumble in disgust and in mock humour. The sounds of my darts thunking the photographs, all while I tried to keep a level head and not do something stupid. Hearing Beth's crying, made me slow down and realize how much of an asshole I was being.
Clenching my jaw, the image of Beth holding the drink, sobbing and vulnerable had me feel sorrow. With each lazy throw of a dart, the image of the map came into my head, Kat and Hershel too. Trying to know where we were on the map, then made me see where we could get Beth a real drink. With one final, solid throw, I heard it slam hard and break into the wooden surface. Headintg to Beth, I picked up the bottle and threw it to the ground. "Ain't gonna have your first drink, be no damned peach schnapps," I told her after I took a few steps away from her and retrieved my crossbow from the pool table. "Come on," I gestured for her to follow me. 'Bout time we got out of here. Silently, we left the clubhouse and headed back into the woods.
KPOV
I could hear small, quiet footsteps make their way towards me. We were seeing if there was any other supplies, taking one more glance around the house and I could hear the sounds of someone wandering the corridors. "Kat?" I could hear Carl's small voice call to me as he took a few steps down the hall.
"In here," I called to him, my back was curved as I leaned over and rummaged inside a bedside table. "What's up little brother?" I asked him, curious as to what could possibly be wrong with him. His voice was one of cuiosity, when he stepped into the room, I turned to face him and offered a kind smile.
Carl sighed, pushing hair away that was covering his eyes, so he could see me better and look me directly in the eyes. "I overheard you and Dad talking about Daryl," Carl began as he took a few steps closer, yet we were still far apart. "Do you really think he's alive?" Carl asked me, his eyes squinting and I was unsure as to where he was leading with this.
I was curious, my brows were furrowed and his expression was one of no emotion, which made me worry. "Why?" I asked him, crossing my arms and looking him directly in the eyes. "Do you doubt him?" I questioned him, wondering what his thought process was at that very moment. Does he not believe Daryl would survive?
Carl sighed, pursing his lips before they formed a straight line, again showing no emotion. "No," Carl spoke. "I just-...I'm not sure if anyone survived Kat," Carl fumbled for words as he looked away and then to me. "I mean, look at Judith," Carl spoke coldly, making my heart sink and shrink back.
This sent multiple emotions for both Daryl and Judith. Sadness for Judith. Anger towards Carl about his thoughts on Daryl. Anger because he had the nerve to mention Judith as he did. "Daryl's not..." I spoke firmly, beginning to show my anger but I stopped. Tears began to build in my eyes, my heart felt as though it was being clenched and pulled down. The mention of Judith, knowing she was dead and I felt hopeless. My baby girl. She died too soon, too young. "Judith," I spoke, my eyes had shut momentarily but a single tear rolled down my cheek at the sound of her name. Her imagine flooding into my memories and making me crave to have her in my arms.
I chose to push the thoughts of Judith out of my head, so I could focus on Carl and the topic of Daryl. "He's a survivor," I remind Carl, thinking of all the times he had saved us and how he was so well adapted to this world. "He's skilled, and you heard Dad," I said to him, knowing Daryl could be capable to get out of something like that. He has to be alive. He has to. "I have hope that he's out there somewhere," I told Carl, a frown pulling on my lips as I stared down at my hands that were twirling, swirling, fumbling and fiddling each other, or around one another.
Carl looked like he was holding back on saying something, I was interested in knowing what was going on in his mind. Whatever it is, it looks like it's swirling around in his head. "Well, he's taking his time to get back to you," Carl finally said, which made me look to him shocked and dazed. Wait. What?
My brows furrowed once more, staring at him confused, I knew he was being serious. The hardened look in his eyes could tell me as much. "What do you mean by that brother?" I asked him, curious as to what he had meant by his words. Something didn't sound right. He thinks Daryl is out there, looking for me? Or does he mean all of us?
Carl hesistated to speak at first, I could see the fight that was in his mind. How he was deliberating on saying something, making me look at him with curiousity and a lot of confusion. "We've all seen how you two look at each other, what you're like when you're around each other," Carl revealed to me, the words that escaped him made me blink repeatedly. "You like each other," Carl said, taking a few more steps closer and nodding, his crystal blues stared directly up at me. Seeing the honesty in his eyes, it made me question everything. No. Can't be.
"Impossible," I spoke firmly with a shake of my head. I didn't want to give into this false information. If Daryl really is dead, then I can't have my hopes up in believing this is true. Besides, he never likes anyone. He's a lone wolf. He doesn't want me. He can't.
Carl looked like he was getting impatiant and annoyed. "It isn't," Carl spoke firmly, as though this was more fact than it was suspicion. "I've seen it, Dad's seen it," he listed off, making me feel surprised that my father knew I liked Daryl in an alternative way. "Hell, even Beth's seen it!" Carl spoke a little louder, I could tell he was getting angry and I didn't want to hear it. "We've all seen it," Carl was angry, firm and I could see the fire in his eyes.
This was only getting me angry, as it was only building hope for me to have it crumbling down. If Daryl is looking for us, it won't be just for me. But if they're right, he should have found us by now. Right? "Carl," I spoke angered, I was trying to keep my rage at bay. "Don't," I told him firmly, trying to stop him before he could continue his theory and suspicions.
"You're seriously still in denial?" Carl asked me, his face contorting into one of shock, questioning anger. "You're being stupid," Carl insulted me which made me look at him stunned by this sudden outburst. "He looks to you like he'd go blind without you," Carl revealed which made my heart stop for a moment, remembering his eyes and how we could stare at each other. It was a way I felt like he was staring into my soul, whilst I stared into his.
Carl looked up at me, his eyes slints and his brows furrowed in anger, his teeth bared and a dark look crossed his face. "He's always been there for you, he's stood by you even when you didn't think he was," Carl spoke loudly, angrily. "He protects you," he added to his list of ways of knowing Daryl liked me back. "He's saved you countless amount of times," Carl said, he was counting his fingers, his pads touching each other lightly as he would list the evidence he believed he had gathered.
Carl dropped his arms at either side of himself, but he took an unexpected turn when he pointed up at me. "And you care about him too," Carl snarled at me, staring at me directly in the eyes, neither of us wavering. "So stop denying it," he ordered me. "Open your eyes," he complained before he turned, walked away and left me alone. Alone, to ponder in my thoughts and remember all the times me and Daryl had shared. Maybe...but...I can't. If he's dead, I don't want the pain in having my hopes high.
DPOV
We continued to walk in the woods, we were close to the location I was thinking of. Hoping that the building opposite, was still in good condition for us to spend the night there. The sun was still high above our heads, the song of birds was a hopeful tune, but I focused on keeping Beth and myself safe on our travels. "A motorcycle mechanic," Beth spoke in a sudden outburst, we had been silent during our journey and this was a sudden surprise.
I was completely baffled by what Beth was possibly asking me, staying silent in this case, was not an option. "Huh?" I asked her in pure confusion and slight distraction. The memories of myself and Kat in this part of the woods entered my mind, reminding me of the time we were here and the walkers we had encountered along the way. Shit. Stop thinking about Katherine Grimes. She's dead. Thinking about her, ain't gonna bring her back, Jackass.
Beth's voice was all bubble gum and sweet stuff. High, happy and hopeful. The three 'h's. "That's my guess," she said to me as she followed behind. "For what you were doing before the turn," she explained what she had meant. This only made me grumble and growl lowly. Just like a little kid. "Did Zach ever guess that one?" she asked me with a curious tone, it sounded all child like and I felt my face harden at the thought of Zach. Poor kid. It was my fault he died. I should have done more to save him.
Stepping over leaves, twigs and other things, we kept our steps quiet. "It don't matter," I told her, knowing she was just curious and trying to fill the silence. It ain't working. "Hasn't mattered for a long time," I growled lowly, my voice was husky and I could tell she knew I didn't want to talk about it. My past is my past. I want to keep it that way.
Beth kept close, gaining up on me and sticking closer than before. "It's just what people talk about, you know, to feel normal," she tried to explain. I keept my eye out for walkers, but I was examining between the leaves, trying to see if we could see the place myself and Kat were in. Where is it. It ain't like it's got legs, dumbass. Look for it. Look. Look. Look. Gotcha.
When I spotted it, I continued to walk and in the direction of the small shacks I used to live in. Similar homes, seeing as one was damaged and the other was good enough to give us some shelter. "Yeah, well, that never felt normal to me," I told Beth as I continued to walk forward. Nothing has ever been normal, or easy for me. Ducking under leaves, we found the homes that were directly opposite one another. One was burnt and the other was in good shape enough shape. Well, as good as it was ever going to get. "Found this place with Kat," I told Beth as I looked to the homes, feeling a litter vulnerable because I wished I didn't have to come back here.
Beth took a step forward, walking past me as she squinted towards the buildings. "I was expecting a liquor store," she told me which made me want to laugh, but I stayed silent and tried to push away memories of the time I had shared with Kat, when we were both here and under the stars, as well as under the influence of some of the drink. Beth's in for a strong, treat.
Keeping my eyes on the building, I remembered where the drinks were stored and held up the crossbow. "No, this is better," I told her before I aimed the bow up, wandered ahead and looked out for walkers. Getting closer to the house, we saw no one was there and that no walkers were around. Knowing that they had stored their liquor in a small closet outside, I opened up and pulled out a crate of it. The clear liquid reminding me of the days Merle would drive me out to some, distant cousin's shack where we would drink this stuff and spend hours not knowing what we were doing.
Beth peered over my shoulder, only to get a better look at what I had found for her. "What's that?" she asked me curiously, her tone was one of innocence and ignorance. Has she never heard that us 'rednecks' are usually associated with making Moonshine? No matter if it's illegal or not, most of the time we sterotypically did make Moonshine.
Handing her the crateful, I saw her glance at me curiously. "Moonshine," I informed her which made her eyes widen a little and then a smile slowly form on her lips. "Come on," I said as I lead her the way, opening the door, I checked for any walkers that may have wandered in during the time we had been away from here. Finding none, I allowed Beth to enter and checked around, opening doors and looking through windows for walkers. Beth had placed the crate on the table, I picked up a glass and blew into it. Clearing it of any dust that had collected inside of it.
Picking up a bottle of Moonshine, I unscrewed the lid and picked up her glass. Pouring some of the Moonshine, not spilling a single drop and placing it in front of her. "All right," I said as I had unscrewed the bottle of Mooshine. "That's a real first drink right there," I spoke with a slight, cheerful tone and placed the glass in front of her. "What's the matter?" I asked her when she didn't take a drink, she only sat there at the table and glanced between myself and the Moonshine.
Beth shook her head, her eyes lowered onto the drink, and the way she glanced at me, made me believe she was telling me a lie. "Nothing," she said, her gaze not meeting my own. "It's just..." Beth began, struggling to find the words to tell me what she thought and felt. "My Dad always said bad moonshine can make you go blind," she told me which made me want to laugh a little. Her blue eyes staring up at me innocently.
Offering her a small smile, I nudged the glass a little closer to her and kept my voice soft. "Ain't nothing worth seeing out there anymore anyway," I suggested and informed her. World's gone to shit. Don't know if I want to see it either. All I know, is I keep seeing Kat's gaping face as the Governor stabbed her, the pleasure in his crazed face.
Pulling me from my thoughts, I numbly saw Beth raise the glass to her lips and her take a small gulp. "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted," Beth said, her face pulling an expression of pure disgust. Beth took another, slow sip and gave a small shrug. "Second round's better," she spoke with a small chuckle at the end.
Watching her, her big blue eyes stared up at me and in some weird way, she made me think of both Ass-Kicker and Kat. She reminded me of Ass-Kicker, by how I visioned her to grow up, innocent and sweet. As a girl who would experience new things, but I then felt the pain and sorrow. Knowing that Ass-Kicker had less of a chance than her sister in surviving the attack. "Slow down," I told Beth kindly, suggesting she takes it easy and not rush herself. All of this, reminding me of when myself and Kat had found the place.
~Flashback to a few months ago~
We had checked inside, finding that there was nothing inside and that it was safe enough for us to spend the night. Searching for supplies, sometimes made us go further out than normal and this was one of those times. "Jackpot," I said, rummaging around in the closet and pulling out a crate of Moonshine.
Kat stood behind me, her bright blue eyes fixated on me and I felt a mix of emotions run through me. Worry, that she may find me crazy. Sadness, because this was what my life was like before. Curious, to see what she thought of the Moonshine and if she would take any. Scared, that we might get drunk, if she convinced me to drink any. "What have you got ther-" she asked as she watched me pick up the crate. Turning to her, her eyes went wide with shock and surprise. "Oh my God," she muttered. "Is that what I think it is?" she questioned me as her blues hovered up to meet mine, looking away from the crate I was holding and keeping her gazed glued to me.
Nodding, I wasn't proud of this life and fact. But it was something I had to check, to try and see if Kat would loosen up after everything we've been through. Kat hardly had a break. Between council meetings, lessons on medical and herbal health with Hershel, searching for the Governor with Michonne, searching for supplies with me, looking after her family and the small amount of farming she would do on occasion with her family. She didn't have time for herself, or time to really relax and let loose. "Hell, yeah," I cheered with a nod. "Moonshine, best of its kind," I said with a small smirk, trying to make her feel comfortable, even if it made me feel the absolute opposite.
We headed inside, silent as we had pulled out a few bottles of Moonshine and unscrewed the lid. Kat arched a brow at me, her lips pursed and her expression was quizical. "I heard that bad Moonshine can make a person go blind," she informed me of the superstion, making me smile and not have to force it.
I nudged her with my elbow, we were both on our feet and staring at the drinks in my hands. Offering it her, she eyed it cautiously and kept her gaze skeptical. "Take a sip, ain't like being blind will kill ya'," I told her, which may have been false information, but it wouldn't harm her. Not while I'm here.
Kat swayed her head from side to side, possibly thinking of her options and of what to say after my comment. "No, but it might just make me not only blind, but drunk," she teased in a matter-of-fact tone. "Is that your aim, Daryl? To get me drunk?" she questioned me with a raised eyebrow, her eyes peering from the corners as she side glanced at me.
Making a 'pfft' noise, I felt a little heat rise in my body and collect in my cheeks. Not looking at her, I lowered my gaze and felt the hairs on my skin rise. "Nah, shut up and have a drink," I told her, my voice a low growl and soft at the same time. I ain't trying to get her drunk, only want her to let her hair down and have a little time to relax. She's been stressed, I can see it in her muscles and how she never lets her guard down.
Kat raised her eyebrows, but stood closer, all whilst she took the bottle slowly from my hands, her skin soft and gentle as I passed her the bottle of Moonshine. "If you say so," Kat mumbled, raising the glass to her lips and tipping it, enough for her to take a sip. Watching her expression change, her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth made a noise, savouring the flavor of the Moonshine. "Shit, this tastes..." Kat said with a shake of her head, as though she were disgusted.
Arching a single eyebrow, I hadn't taken a drink, I simply watched her curiously and offered her a small smile. "Strong?" I asked her, knowing what people would normally associate Moonshine with. "Like shit?" I questioned her, smirking and knowing she would possibly agree with this, considering she may have tried other drinks and this was nothing like what she would find in the city.
Kat gave me a quick and vigorous nod. Raising the glass once more, she took another long and greedy sip. "Mmmhm," she hummed, mouth full of Moonshine and her brows furrowed from the powerful taste. She continued to drink, which only made me laugh softly and shake my head at her. Feeling pleased she was relaxed, taking a small sip myself and keeping watch. Making sure I didn't drink too much tonight, only enough to make me not have to be so tense and nervous around Kat.
~Back to reality~
Beth's voice pulled me out of my memory, making me start chewing the inside of my cheek from nerves. Her voice was welcoming, as I didn't want to have to think about Kat in that moment. She was dead, memories wouldn't bring her back, it would only make me feel more hopeless and guilty. "This one's for you," Beth said, offering me her glass of Moonshine, she had poured another and was now handing it to me.
Pacing around, I was getting nervous. From the flashbacks, the weird sense of being back in my past and Beth wanting to get drunk. I knew I had to keep Beth safe, even if she wanted to drown her sorrows in a few glasses of Moonshine. "No, I'm good," I told her, shaking my hand in a 'hi' and 'no' type of way. Feeling self concious, because I too wanted to either drink away my pain, or kill as many walkers as possible. All so I could blow off some steam.
Beth glanced at the drink she had poured, the bottle in her other hand and then up to me. She looked curious and worried, as though she was curious as to why I wouldn't want any of the drink I gave her. "Why?" she asked me, her eyes wide and filled with wonder.
I needed to keep myself level headed, not only for Beth, but for myself. When I drank too much, I was an asshole. Not as though it made much of a difference as to what I was normally like, but I could be a whole lot worse when I drank. "Someone's got to keep watch," I replied her rapidly, not waiting for her to ask further questions.
Beth glanced down at the glass and bottle again. Her blue eyes meeting up with mine, I could tell she was about to start an argument and I didn't have the patience for it. "So, what, you're like my chaperone now?" she questioned me, sounding like a whiney teenager and making me pace around more.
I couldn't stand there anymore, I couldn't look at her and I just wanted to leave. Completely uncomfortable, she was getting drunk and in this place, there were many memories. Good ones and bad. Ones that made me want to cry, ones that made my skin crawl. "Nah, just drink lots of water," I advised her.
Beth's tone was one of mock, I could hear it and as I walked past her, I glanced around the room. It looked similar to the house myself and Kat had been in. It was also similar to the ones I used to live in, trash all over the place, cheap shit that had been bought and holes in the walls. "Yes, Mr. Dixon," Beth said sarcastically, I swear I could of heard her eyes roll by just the ways she spoke. She continued to drink as I fixed up the house, it was almost impossible to not think of Kat as I nailed boards on the windows. Blocking entrances, that way walkers couldn't enter and eat us.
KPOV
~Flashback to a few months ago~
Daryl was hammering down nails into the boards, I had taken a few more sips of the Moonshine, it was enough to make me slightly intoxicated, but it wasn't lots. It was enough to make me tipsy. While he was making it safe for us to take shelter, I was glancing around the room and noticing weird things. "Who'd go into a store and walk out with this?" I asked Daryl teasingly, pulling out what looked like a bra trophy, filled with cigarette butts and was clearly being used as an ashtray.
Showing it to Daryl, he glanced at me over his shoulder before turning to face me. Dropping the nail to the ground for a moment, gazing down at the weird object I showed him. "My dad, that's who," Daryl told me. "Oh, he's a dumbass," he mumbled mostly to himself, I felt a little guilty for pulling out the object. "He'd set those up on top of the TV set, use them as target practice," Daryl said pointing around the room, which had only made me more curious as to his past life.
My eyebrows furrowed as he had mentioned his father, using objects like these for target practice and possibly in the room. The building wasn't in great shape, much less, livable standards and had multiple health hazards. It shocked me when he spoke of shooting, as he gestured around the room and not outside. "He shot things inside your house?" I questioned him, staring up at him and noticing his gaze never wavering from mine.
Daryl shook it off, as though it was nothing and no big deal. "It was just a bunch of junk anyway," Daryl tried to reassure me. "That's how I knew what this place was," he told me, which made me feel a little upset and guilty. We shouldn't have stopped here. We should have kept going. "That shed out there?" he asked me, waving the hammer around, along with his other, free hand. Enthusiastic as he spoke about his past life, the knowledge he could share with me about this life. Giving me a small insight to his painful past. "My dad had a place just like this," he explained. "You got your Dumpster chair. That's for sitting in and your drawers all summer drinking," he said, pointing around the room, and talking of random objects, objects that would have been used in different ways, and for random reasons.
Daryl would glance at me every so often, but he was so absorbed with the room and his past. Seeing how it was like watching a fly being stuck in a web, never being able to get out of the tragic trap. "Got your fancy buckets," Daryl said, pointing to the vase that rested atop a table. "That's for spitting chaw in after your old lady tells you to stop smoking," he told me, informing me of what it was used for in a life such as the one he had lived, a life he had lived before this. "You got your internet," Daryl spoke, picking up a pile of news papers and waving it around, showing me how different our lives were.
~Back to reality~
"Hey," Michonne called, nudging me as we walked along the tracks, pulling me out of my thoughts. "I thought you had disappeared on us suddenly," Michonne spoke softly, worried about me and giving me a small smile. The smile was almost teasing, as though she could read me better than a book. "Looked like you were in another world," Michonne teased and I only laughed, seeing as I didn't know how to answer her.
Dad was walking on the far end, I was between Carl and Michonne. Carl was between myself and Dad, the four of us walking in a straight line. "She was thinking about someone," Carl spoke up, making my eyes grow wide and my head whip to look at him, over my shoulder. What the hell? Where did this come from?
From the corner of my eye, I saw Dad crane his neck to glance at me, curious and his eyebrows furrowed. "Who?" Dad asked me curiously, his eyes darting betweeen me and Carl. I could sense Michonne tensing beside me, her eyes watching us for anything that was going to be said between us. My body was burning up, starting to cover my skin with sweat and shiver with nerves.
I tried to keep calm, to stay in control of myself and to not let anything be obvious. As I spoke, so did Carl, which only made everything seem awkward. And weird. "Daryl," Carl told Dad, which made me look at him wide eyed, a different answer had escaped my lips at the same time as Carl.
"No one," I had answered Dad, but it clearly didn't sound convincing enough, seeing as Carl had answered exactly the same time as I did. Attempting to deny it, but I had failed in doing so. Dad won't think anything of it. Will he?
Blue eyes darted between myself and Carl once more, his eyebrows furrowed and a crease had formed on his forehead. "Okay..." Dad drifted off, possibly trying to figure out who was the liar and attempting to brush off his thoughts. He doesn't believe Carl, does he? Is he questioning me? Is he overthinking it? Shit, what is going on?
DPOV
The sudden sound of a walker growling, made me get closer to the window, glancing down and gesturing for Beth not to move. I saw only one, it had sounded like only one, but sometimes looks could be decieving. "It's just one of 'em," I informed her after a few moments, no others joined him and he was alone. Clawing at the window.
Beth moved to be on her feet, swaying on them as she kept her eyes on me. "Should we get it?" she asked me, I turned and faced her, keeping my distance and lowering the hammer to the ground. Asshole must have heard me hammering down the nails in the board, I just hope he was the only one that listened.
Thinking over our options, I knew what had to be done in order to keep Beth safe and myself safe. "If he keeps making too much noise, yeah," I said with a nod, telling her what might need to happen if we were planning on staying. If she wants to get lit, she's gonna need to do it somewhere she knows she can be safe. This place was never safe, but it's as safe now as it was before.
Beth leaned to pick up a bottle of Mooshine, she held it out for me and offered me a small smile. "Well, if we're gonna be trapped again, we might as well make the best of it," she suggested, hopeful that I would take her offer and drink with her. "Unless you're too busy chaperoning, Mr. Dixon," she teased, but I could sense the challenge she was offering me. She's trying to see how much it takes for me to get drunk, believe me...it's a lot.
Not needing to overthink it, I accepted her offer and gently took the glass bottle from her. "Hell, might as well make the best of it," I told her and decided to let go of my stress, my anger and just numb the pain. Sitting in the old, overused chair, I kicked my feet up and unscrewed the lid. Taking a sip, I glanced around the room and saw Beth sipping silently from her glass. "Home, sweet home," I mumbled, knowing Beth didn't understand what I had meant, but felt no need in telling her about my past. I've talked about it enough with Kat, Michonne, Carol and Carl. Ain't no need to drag her into it either.
We were silent for a few moments, I had finished off my work and when I was happy with the nailing I had done, I turned to look at Beth. I was going to sit down, have a little time to relax, but Beth had the bright idea to play a game. Deciding to play along, I sat across from her and listened to her instructions. "So first I say something I've never done and if you have done it, you drink, and if you haven't, I drink. Then we switch," she told me, explaining the rules of the game and how to play it. "You really don't know this game?" she asked me, surprised I didn't know the silly games she knew how to play.
My hand was placed over my mouth, wiping away any traces of food and I watched Beth carefully. "I never needed a game to get lit before," I told her truthfully. If I ever wanted to get lit, I would get lit. I didn't need games to help me get drunk. Feels like I'm babysitting a teenager. Is this what Kat was like?
Beth's blue eyes glanced at her drink and then mine. When they finally met mine, I could see the confusion in her eyes. "Wait, are we starting?" she asked me, curious and unsure of what was happening in that moment. It was a statement, not a start to this stupid game. Jesus Christ.
Something popped into my head, there was no escaping it and I just needed to know. "How do you know this game?" I asked her. I pointed my pinky at her, my eyes squinted and I kept my gaze focused on her. Didn't she say that her Dad wouldn't let her drink? How can she know this game, if she's never drank alcohol before?
Beth looked up at me, her eyes focused and never wavering. "My friends played," she told me truthfully. "I watched," she explained and I simply gave her a nod. "Okay, I'll start," Beth spoke quickly, licking her lips and glancing at the cup she was now clutching in her hands. "I've never shot a crossbow," she told me, which made me want to roll my eyes. She had to think of something, and chose the most obvious thing about me. "So now you drink," she instructed.
Whilst I watched her, I was rubbing the pads of my thumb and forefinger together, keeping my eyes glued to her as she spoke. When she instructed me, I reached down for my bottle of Moonshine and raised it to my lips. "Ain't much of a game," I told her and took a long sip, feeling the strong burn trail down my throat.
Beth kept her eyes on me, our gazes connected while I took a drink. "That was a warm-up," she made the excuse, as though we needed and example for this to play out. "Now you go," she told me, gesturing for me to take my turn.
Thinking over what I could say, I didn't know if I should be truthful or play it safe. Hm, there are so many. I've never been rewarded gifts, rather than slaps and kicks. I've never been to prom. I've never had a partner. I've never had a perfect family. Never had someone look after me. Never truly loved someone. "I don't know," I told her, when I didn't think asking these questions sounded appropriate, it only made me sound weak and only brought bad memories. I'm not going to let her see my past.
Beth shook her head, her eyes on me as I absentmindedly chewed the inside of my cheek hurriedly. "Just say the first thing that pops into your head," she suggested, which made me doubt my choices. There's so many personal ones, do I say them? Or do I give her a safe one?
Making up my mind, I chose to go the safe route. "I've never been out of Georgia," I told her honestly. Georgia has been my life. It's the only place I've ever been, anywhere else and I'd be lost. This place is my home and sometimes, I feel like I can never escape Georgia.
Beth looked at me surprised, "Really?" she asked me, her blue eyes wide and innocently shocked. I stayed silent. "Okay, good one," she said and raised the glass, taking a small sip and looking down at the clear liquid inside of it. "I've never...been drunk and did something I regretted," she said after a short time of deliberation.
Following the rules of the game, I looked at her and gradually brought the bottle to my lips. Taking a long slurp, I placed the bottle back down, settling it on the table. "I've done a lot of things," I said. Some, I didn't need to be drunk to regret it. It's just the way of life. Where is she going with this?
Beth kept her eyes on me, intent and curious to figure out the mystery behind my background. The mystery that was once my life. "Your turn," she informed me. I was hopeful that she would of forgotten, that she would keep talking about herself, and that I would keep drinking. Never needing to reveal anything about myself.
Rubbing the hairs on my chin, I focused on what to say next and didn't look up at her. When I finally found something, I flashed my blues up to crash with hers. "I've never been on vacation," I revealed to her truthfully, knowing it was similar to the first one, but I didn't want to get personal with my statements.
Beth's blues glanced to the side, her thoughts probably confused and she was fishing for more information about me. "What about camping?" she asked me. This game is so stupid. Why do I have to keep playing this? Why is she being so annoying? Wanting to know my past. Wanting to know me.
I wanted this game to end, that she would call it off and just think I was boring. Instead, by the look in her eyes, she was more interested than ever. Wanting to know more, wanting to dig deeper into the grave I no longer wanted to see. "No, that was just something I had to learn to hunt," I told her, revealing a small piece of my past.
"Your Dad teach you?" Beth asked me curiously. This earned her a small, 'Mm-hmm' hum to her question. Not feeling the need to be vocal, feeling the hairs on my chin and playing with them. Musing in my thoughts. "Okay," Beth said with a small shrug, lifting the glass to her lips and taking a long gulp of Moonshine. "I've never...been in jail," she spoke boldly. Well shit, so this is what you were really wanting to ask, huh? "I mean, as a prisoner," Beth rambled on, wriggling the glass on the table, letting out a nervous chuckle and making me stare at her.
I was stunned by what she believed I was. She's painting me out like a sterotypical redneck. Getting pushed into a slammer, like Merle and my old man. I ain't like them. I lived their lives, but I didn't live every aspect of it. "Is that what you think of me?" I questioned her, showing her I felt a little offended by what she had accused me of being. I ain't no criminal. But I can be a jackass.
Beth tried to recover her mistake, making up some excuse and quick reason to be in jail. "I didn't mean anything serious. I just thought, you know, like the drunk tank," Beth said with a small shrug, her words came out rushed and panicked. "Even my dad got locked up for that, back in the day," she continued, only making me study her carefully and resume playing with my facial hair.
Glancing at her glass, I knew she would be surprised with what I was about to say. "Drink up," I told her, gesturing with my hand for her to drink from her glass again. She really thinks I would be in jail? Even Kat knew I wasn't. Hell, even Rick. I grew up with two addicts. An alcoholic, abusive Dad and a junkie brother. She thinks I would follow their footsteps?
Beth quickly called out "Wait," to me. She sounded strangled, as though she needed to know about me and what had happened to me. "Prison guard," she spoke as though it was a statement. "Were you a prison guard before?" she asked me, her tone hitching and swaying with curiosity.
I stayed silent for a few minutes, trying to figure her out and I felt the excited energy fill the room. Beth was wanting to find out about me, to know who and what I was. Acting like some shit version of Sherlock Holmes. Either I'm bad, or good in her eyes. Somehow, people think I'm either in the slammer, or I'm monitoring it. "No," I spoke bluntly, my voice low and it came out in a small growl.
Beth looked like she was defeated, she hadn't even drank up, she only sat there and stared at me. "It's your turn again," she told me, I could tell she didn't believe me and it had finally got on my last nerve. She wants to know all about me, but only expects the worst of me. Am I honestly that big of a jerk to her? Some, redneck scumbag that is now stuck with her? Is that what she really thinks of me?
Fully offended and losing my temper, I got to my feet and took the jar of Moonshine with me. "I'm gonna take a piss," I grumbled at her, walking towards the other end of the room and showing her what I could be like. Showing her what redneck assholes were like. If that's what she thinks of me, I'll give her that show. Letting my grip on the jar loosen, I waited for it to drop and heard it shatter on the ground.
Beth jumped at the sound, pulling down my zipper, I let myself free and began to take a piss. Swaying, acting like the full asshole she wanted me to be. "You have to be quiet," Beth called to me in a hushed tone, worry evident in how she spoke. This is who you thought I was, time to give you a taste of the type of men I grew up around.
"Can't hear you! I'm taking a piss!" I yelled at her, knowing I was making too much noise. But that was what the people I grew up with were like, rude, loud and obnoxious. Types of people, that Beth would be thankful she had me instead of them. She wants me to play that role, I'll show her that role. Give her a glimpse of my life, of the people I grew up around and how they would act.
Beth was looking at me with terorfied expression, one that told me that she feared for her life and from my way of behaviour. Yeah, that's how I felt. Always terified to come back home, dreading the fact I knew my Dad would beat me. Would treat me like shit, all for fun and he never loved me. Never showed care, only believed that love and caring were for pussies. "Daryl, don't talk so loud," she pleaded.
Glancing at her over my shoulder, I gave her a look of incredulous and looked her up and down. "What, are you my chaperone now?" I asked her sarcasticly, knowing it would piss her off and remind her of the words she threw at me. When I was done urinating, I zipped up my zipper and did up my belt. "Oh, wait," I began, knowing I was going to be an asshole, but she wanted to know what my life was like.
Turning to face her, I glanced at the ceiling and didn't make eye contact with her. "It's my turn, right?" I asked her, playing around and making fun of her stupid game. "I've never-..." I began, thinking over what I would say to her. "Never eaten frozen yogurt," I revealed to her, probably making her think I was some freak from outerspace. "Never had a pet pony," I mocked her, remembering the farm she grew up in. The horses they had, how me and Kat rode them almost every day in order to find Sophia.
My anger was showing, I was getting personal and I could see Beth flinch or stare at me from what she was finally witnessing. So naive. So ignorant. "Never got nothing from Santa Claus," I spoke angrily, shoving the chair to rock on it's two back legs. The jars rattled and the liquid inside it swayed from the impact of it flying back to a steady, still position. "Never relied on anyone for protection before," I told her. Until I met the group we were once with. Until I had met the Grimes family, the Greene's, Carol and many more. "Hell, I don't think I've ever relied on anyone for anything," I shouted at her, I had my back turned to her and I was overthinking everything.
Beth looked scared, her face hidden and her body shrunk from the intensity of my rambling on. She wants to know who I am, what happened to me, what I was. How I lived, who I had become, what I saw myself as, what had gone wrong? Well, here you go. Feel the fear, the confusion and the dread. "Daryl," Beth spoke softly, scared and she shook her head timidly.
I was fed up, it was too much and now that I had started, it was time I let it all out. "Never sung out in front of a big group out in public, like everything was fun," I said, reminding myself of the times Beth would sing, as did Kat. But Kat was different, it was to remind her family of the ones we lost. Of the good times and bad. It was to put Ass-Kicker to sleep. Beth does it just to comfort herself and her Dad. "Like everything was a big game," I growled at her.
Remembering another time, I thought of when Sophia died and Beth had lost hope. Of when she was suicidal. "I sure as hell never cut my wrists looking for attention!" I shouted, doing the same actions of what she had done and got in her face. Upclose and personal. Sudden thuds and growling, alerted us that the walker was getting anxious. Wanting to get a piece of me and Beth. "Sounds like our friend out there is trying to call all of his buddies," I declared, kicking pots and pans. Making the walker get more anxious, I picked up my crossbow and headed towards Beth.
Beth was getting angry with me too, I knew she too was about to explode with anger and was going to let go of her pain. Let go of your emotions, or it will kill the both of us. "Daryl, just shut up," she whisper snarled at me.
Pointing at her, I walked in her direction and watched her wide eyes stare at me. "Hey, you never shot a crossbow before?" I asked her, remembering one of her statements in the stupid game we were playing. "I'm gonna teach you right now," I told her as I took hold of her and raised her to her feet. "Come on," I encouraged her. "It's gonna be fun," I spoke, knowing it was to tease her and to make her realize that this life wasn't fun and games anymore. It wasn't like that for me since the day I was born. Not then, not now.
Kicking down the door, I ran down the stairs and dragged Beth down with me. The entire time, she kept complaining and trying to get me to stop. "We should stay inside," she suggested instead of doing my idea. "Daryl, cut it out! Daryl!" she whined and screamed.
Stepping out, I stopped and let go of Beth's hand. The walker made it's way towards us, snarling at me as I raised my crossbow. "Dumbass," I spat at it. "Come here, dumbass," I called to it, shooting it in it's left shoulder and watched as it got pinned to the tree. Beth stepped closer to me, saying 'Daryl,' while I placed another arrow in my crossbow. Keeping my eyes on the walker, making sure it didn't get out of the hold it was in against the tree. "You want to shoot?" I asked her.
Beth was pacing on her feet, watching me as I walked closer to her and pushed her in front of me. "I don't know how," she said to me truthfully. Well, you're about to find out.
Raising the crossbow, I had an arm locked around Beth and kept her tightly pressed to me. "Oh, it's easy," I reassured her quickly. "Come here," I growled at her. Aiming, I made her look through where I was, her hands clawing into my skin. Attempting to get my hold on her loose. "Right corner," I told her, giving her brief information of what was about to happen.
Shooting, the arrow flew and landed in the walker's left knee. Pinning him against the tree more, I stepped back and let go of my hold on Beth. "Let's practice later," she shouted, ignoring her, I continued with placing an arrow inside the crossbow, taking my time with it.
I knew I was being a jerk, but she wanted to see this side of me. I was going to let her see it, even if it was fake. "Come on, it's fun," I told her, but Beth simply kept begging me to stop and called my name. "Come here," I said, after I had adjusted the arrow in the crossbow and took hold of her. "Eight ball," I growled before I shot it in the heart. The arrow whizzing through, slicing the air and piercing the walker in the chest.
Beth was struggling against my hold again, when I had took the shot, I let go of her and realized my arm was hooked around her neck. Acting more and more aggressive by the minute. "Just kill it!" she shouted at me.
Knowing the walker was secure, I headed closer to it and gestured for Beth to follow me. "Come here, Greene," I told her. "Let's pull these out," I instructed. "Get a little more target practice," I suggested, knowing she wanted to learn and I was going to teach her the hard way. Quickly, she raced past me, I was close to pulling the bolts out, but the walker was reaching out for me. Wanting to take a chunk out of my skin. Beth moved fast, slicing the end of her knife into the walker's head and ripped it out of the walker's skull. Effectively, she had killed it. "What the hell you do that for?" I asked her. "I was having fun," I mocked her.
Beth stepped back, making me turn to her and saw her face was wild. "No, you were being a jackass," she corrected my actions. "If anyone found my Dad-" she went to say, pointing towards the walker that was now dead and pinned to the tree.
She's mentioning Hershel, like this?! Is she crazy?! "Don't," I stopped her, cutting her off from her sentence and not allowing her to finish it. "That ain't remotely the same," I snarled at her. Hershel ain't some dead dude who was wandering around. He was someone we loved, someone we cared and looked out for. He was a good man, he also wouldn't be able to walk if he turned. He was a walker without a body, his brain could make his body move before and it would make his body move after.
Beth looked furious, upset and angered. We were now having a full blown argument, we both knew it and we were ready for it. "Killing them is not supposed to be fun!" she shouted at me, possibly feeling offended by the actions I was doing with the walker. I was playing a game with a walker, which made her think of her Dad and how this was what she didn't want him to be treated like.
I was getting angry, knowing both of us needed to say what we wanted. So that we could get it off our chests. "What do you want from me, girl, huh?" I asked her, getting close and personal. My face close to hers as we both bickered, screamed and shouted at each other.
Beth was looking at me directly in the eyes. "I want to you stop acting like you don't give a crap about anything," Beth spoke, her eyes trailing up and down my form with anger. "Like nothing we went through matters," she shouted at me. "Like none of the people we lost meant anything to you," she spoke, hitting me right where it hurt. They all meant something to me. Ass-Kicker, Kat, Rick, Carl, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, Hershel, Carol. They all meant something. "It's bullshit!" she called me out, smelling the crap load that was my emotions.
I was surprised by her outburst, I had taken a few steps back without realizing. Coming closer, I gave her a dark and curious look. "Is that what you think?" I asked her. She don't know nothing. I held back all my tears, swallowed my pain and kept fighting. Even after seeing Kat die, I kept going and I would look at her picture whenever Beth wasn't around.
Beth looked at me directly in the eyes, baring her teeth and giving me a confident stance. She was standing her ground, putting up a fight and saying what she thought. "That's what I know," she mumbled at me.
Pacing around, each time I went to speak, I got closer to her and stared at her directly in the eyes. "You don't know nothing," I stated. She doesn't know what I think. She ain't there when I'm alone. When I'm lost in my thoughts. She ain't there. No one is, only me.
Beth's bottom lip began to tremble. "I know you look at me and you just see another dead girl," she accused me of my thoughts, I hadn't come to terms with it but I knew she was right. I have no idea how she survived this long. "I'm not Michonne," she said, swiping her hair behind her ear so she could get a better look at me.
"I'm not Carol. I'm not Maggie," she listed. "I'm not Kat," she empahsised Kat's name, which made my heart stop and my body flinch at the sound of her name. "I've survived and you don't get it 'cause I'm not like you or them," she summarised. "But I made it and you don't get to treat me like crap, just because you're afraid," she spoke, emphasising the word 'afraid'.
Taking in her words, I gulped and I felt my breath shake. My body trembled, my heart racing and the pain was more real than it was before. They're all dead. Taking a step closer towards her, I looked her dead in the eye and tried to keep my voice level. Firm. Tears building in my eyes, all while I tried to keep myself under control and to not look like a whimp in front of her. "I ain't afraid of nothing," I said, but my voice quivered and I knew I had lied. She knew, I was lying.
Beth stared at me, straight in the eyes and never wavered her gaze. "I remember," Beth began to speak. "When that little girl came out of the barn, after my mom," she reminded me of the time we were in the farm. "You were like me," she told me, as though this was something that would make sense to me. "I also remember how you felt guilt over Kat and Andrea's disappearance," she said, making me take a step back and to keep staring at her. I won't let her win this.
I couldn't. I looked away, my bottom lip quivered and I could still feel the guilt. I should of kept looking for them. We should have waited for them. Both Andrea and Kat would be safe, alive. Same with Michonne. We would have never met the Governor, we would have lived in peace. Merle would still be alive. "And now, God forbid you ever let anybody get too close," Beth spat, thinking like she knew me. "But you did, with Kat," she began, getting to the point of where she was going with this.
The way she spoke of Kat, made me look at her curiously. My eyes focused on her, turning to slints and my jaw clenched. What the hell is she talking about? "We all saw the way you looked at her, looked out for her," she spoke. "You liked her more than a friend, and now, because you think she's dead, you feel like you're the one to blame!" she shouted at me. Trying to make me realize something, thinking she was all smart and wise, like her father was. So what? I liked that girl more than a friend. It ain't gonna change the fact she's dead.
The way she spoke about me and Kat, trying to make out like she knew me, made me angrier than before. "Too close, huh?" I questioned her, going back to what she had said a few moments ago. "You know all about that," I spat. "You lost two boyfriends, you can't even shed a tear," I snarled. At least I shed a tear for Kat, especially when I saw her get killed by the Governor. "Your whole family's gone, all you can do is just go out looking for hooch like some dumb college bitch!" I shouted at her. Making sure it hit her where it hurt, just like she did with Andrea, Kat and Sophia.
Beth gave me a look, squinting her eyes and glaring at me through the slints. "Screw you," she snarled at me. "You don't get it," she said, acting as though I was the stupid one. Everyone deals with shit their own way. Except, I don't sit around and get drunk. I get off my ass, do something and keep surviving. It's what Merle would have wanted me to do. What Rick would do, if Carl and Judith had survived. It's what Kat would want me to do.
I finally had enough, I was tired of our screaming and I was finally going to give her some newsflash. "No, you don't get it!" I shouted at her. The pair of us were at each other's throughts, our faces so close, we were practically spitting at each other, with each word that we said. "Everyone we know is dead!" I revealed to her, if she didn't know it already.
Beth followed after me, the pair of us pacing and getting worked up with this intense argument. "You don't know that!" she shouted back.
Turning back to face her, my arms flailed, my hands pointing and making weird gestures. "Might as well be, 'cause you ain't never gonna see 'em again," I shouted at her. "Rick," I said one name I knew meant something to her. "You ain't never gonna see Maggie again," I told her, she was crying and trying not to break down.
Turning my back on her, I was holding back my own tears and trying not to let myself break down in front of her either. "Daryl, just stop," she pleaded, trying to take a hold of my arm and turn me to look at her. I ignored her, instead, I kept pacing and pulled my arm out of her touch.
"No!" I shouted as I pulled my arm from her reach. "The Governor rolled right up to our gates," I told her, keeping my back to her and pacing a little. I was imagining it all, feeling that pain and I could see it. I could see it all. "Maybe if I wouldn't have stopped looking," I spoke, my voice cracking and I was holding back tears. My body shivering and quivering from not being able to control my emotions. To not being able to control my thoughts. "Maybe 'cause I gave up. That's on me," I blamed myself, pointing to my chest and never turning to face Beth.
I could see the two huge deaths, the ones that was eating away at me and making me weak. "The Governor killed Kat," I finally admitted, my voice wobbling and my heart sinking into my stomach. "I saw it," I told her. The image of Kat's wide eyes, limp while she was pinned beneath the Governor. How she gaped up at him, his teeth bared and his look dark. My heart racing, shattering and the tears slowly escaped from my eyes. It's okay to cry, she can't see you. Just make sure she doesn't hear you.
"He hacked off your Dad's head, he then-," I went to continue, remembering the smile that had formed on Hershel's sweet face, all before he was chopped. His blood staining his shirt, his body falling to the side and his life ending in front of us by the hands of the Governor. "He then cut Kat open and I couldn't do anything, but watch them both die," I spoke to Beth, feeling guilt and sorrow wash over me. How did everything turn out so...bad?
Beth went to reach out for me again, trying to make me turn and face her. "Daryl," she called out softly. Trying to make me look at her, all while I was opening up to her and telling her what ran in my head. Day and night.
I pulled my arm out of her hold once more. "No," I whined. "And your Dad," I said after a few pants, trying to regain my strength to keep talking and to not lose it completely. "Maybe-maybe I could have done something," I spoke, my voice cracking and I was holding back the tears. "Saved them both or I-...I don't know," I told her, suddenly, I felt small arms wrap around my waist and hug me from behind. I couldn't hold it anymore.
The tears flowed from my eyes, the image of Kat, her smile, her laugh, everything. It all flashed like I could see her, hear her and feel her in my heart. Beth's arms wrapped tightly around me, her head resting on my back as my body shook from my tears. The memories of Hershel, his wise words, his kind smile and the bravery he had, it all came to mind. All the moments I shared with both Kat and Hershel, invaded my thoughts and lingered there. When I finally stopped crying, I gathered up my crossbow and bolts, heading inside to drink a little more. Beth finally fell asleep, the crickets chirped and I was keeping watch. The darkness only brought me back to the memory of Kat, of when we were in the burnt down house opposite the one I was in now.
~Flashback~
Kat and I had decided it was too hot to stay inside, we both sat outside and I could tell Kat wasn't completely drunk, but she was enough to not be able to walk a straight line. "I get why people don't drink that stuff," Kat spoke, the pair of us facing each other, sat on the makeshift porch. The darkness was welcoming, keeping the air cool and the sound of nature soothed us. I was digging a hole into the porch, using the tip of my knife as she had let her hair down.
She looked beatiful, younger than she already was, and the way the moonlight shone against the side of her face, made her skin glow elgantly. She had radiance, a type that made her presence as soothing as the atmosphere we were in. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders, curls thick and full of volume. "You feel sick?" I asked her, curious as I noticed how her eyes drooped a little and by how pale she looked in the light of the moon.
Kat offered me a small smile, her pink lips pulled into a sweet smile and her eyes gleamed like stars. "Nope," she said with a cute, little giggle. "Sometimes, I wish I could feel like this all the time," she revealed to me, making me chuckle and dig the knife into the wood beneath us a little harsher.
Watching her, I felt a little shy and would glance from the knife, to her and back to my knife. "That's bad," I informed her, feeling a smirk form, pulling at one corner of my mouth. I wasn't as drunk as Kat, but neither of us were drunk. Simply, tipsy enough to not do something stupid, or to stay miserable and always focused.
Kat bit her bottom lip, making me squirm a little from how different this was of her. I then realized, I had never seen her bite her bottom lip before and secretly, I thought it looked kind of sexy. "Mhmm," she hummed, her head resting against the wooden surface of the porch, nodding and keeping her eyes hooded whist staring at me.
"You're lucky you're a happy drunk," I told her truthfully. Knowing that people changed in bad ways when they were drunk, especially myself. I was the type to get angry and be a jerk to people when I was drunk. It wasn't the highlight of my personality, or my life.
"Yeah, I'm lucky," Kat agreed. "For quite a lot of things, but not everything," she spoke a little sadly, her eyes focused on her knees which were pressing up to her chest. "Some people can be real jerks when they drink," she said, as though she was reading my mind and something made me think, that she might of had a personal experience where this was true. Where someone, had been a jerk to her and treated her in ways I didn't even want to think to imagine.
Nodding, I felt the memories flood into my head. "Yeah, I'm a dick when I'm drunk," I revealed to her, a small smile playing on my lips as I stared at her. "Merle had this dealer. This janky little white guy. A tweaker," I said to her, knowing she already knew about Merle and his drug addiction. "One day we were over at his house watching TV. Wasn't even noon yet and we were all wasted. Merle was high. We were watching this show and Merle was talking all this dumb stuff about it," I told her, knowing well enough that this was typical Merle. Kat was silent, but she gave me a kind smile and it made me realize she didn't care about my past. Or what happened, she liked me for who I became from these experiences.
"And he wouldn't let up. Merle never could," I reminded her of what my brother was like, even though there was no need to. "Turns out it was the tweaker's kids' favorite show. And he never sees his kids, so he felt guilty about it or something," I told her with a small shrug. "So he punches Merle in the face. So I started hitting the tweaker, like, hard. As hard as I can," I told her, doing the actions of what I did and knowing that I was showing her my more, defensive and aggressive side. Just by telling her this, stupid and pathetic story.
"Then he pulls a gun, sticks it right here," I said, making a gun figure and pointing it to my head. We never wavered our gazes, but I could still remember that day and the fear I felt. "He says, 'I'm gonna kill you, bitch.' So Merle pulls his gun on him," I continued with the story. "Everyone's yelling. I'm yelling. I thought I was dead. Over a dumb cartoon about a talking dog," I kept talking, revealing to her what a fucked up life I had. All the dumb adventures I had shared with Merle.
Kat's blue eyes were curious, filled with interest and slight worry for what I was telling her. "How'd you get out of it?" she questioned me, her eyebrows furrowed and a crease formed on her forehead.
"The tweaker punched me in the gut," I told her. "I puked. They both started laughing and forgot all about it," I informed her of what happened between this, what the outcome was to the stupid argument we went through. "You want to know what I was before all this?" I asked her, knowing she too, was curious about what I did before the outbreak. "I was just drifting around with Merle...doing whatever he said we were gonna be doing that day," I revealed to her. "I was nobody. Nothing," I spoke, shrugging and thinking nothing of it. "Some redneck asshole and an even bigger asshole for a brother," I summarised, knowing I didn't have to explain why I was an asshole. She knew of my plan, she could have guessed I did even worse before all of that.
" I can tell you miss him, don't you?" Kat asked me, her eyes glued to me and never faltering. "I miss Andrea," Kat began. "I miss her bossing me around," she said with a small, tired laugh. "I miss Shane," Kat said slightly sad, her lips frowning and it was only for a moment. "He was so annoying and overprotective. He was like an uncle to me, before he lost his mind and screwed my Mom," she said, making the pair of us laugh lightly.
Kat turned silent, I could see her head duck down and a tear fall from her eye. "And my Mom," Kat spoke with a sad tone. "I thought-...I hoped she'd just live the rest of her life in peace, you know?" she asked me, a small shrug lifting one of her shoulders and her head raised to look at me once more. I kept my gaze fixed on her, staring at her as she spoke. "I thought eventually I would have a baby, then Carl would find a girlfriend, Judith would grow up to be a smart, beautiful and charming woman," Kat explained, like she was in dream state. Imagining it all.
"And Mom would get to be a grandma. And we'd have birthdays, holidays and summer picnics," she said in a hopeful way, a bright smile on her face at the thought of it all. It made me curious, as to if she imagined a man beside her. And who it would be. Wondering if that man was me. I shook my head, clearing myself of the image and thought it was stupid. We weren't meant to be together, besides, I could never be tied down to a woman. Or children, for that matter.
"Mom would make those God awful pancakes of hers, my Dad would make jokes about them, and she'd get really old," Kat spoke, laughing softly about the pancakes her mother used to make, remembering Carl and Rick talking about them with her one day. When they were looking through the album. "And, eventually it would happen, but it would be quiet," Kat said, speaking about her Mom's death. "It would be okay. She'd be surrounded by people she loved and loved her back," she continued, a wide smile plastered to her face as she laughed sadly. "That's how unbelievably stupid I am," Kat cried, her head was bowed and tears flooded from her eyes.
I felt an ache for her, I knew that it was hard for her to lose those she loved. To lose her mother, her uncle figure and her best friend. It would of driven everyone crazy. I personally, didn't know my Mom that well, I hated my Dad, but it was hard losing him. My brother was always an asshole, but he was my brother. "That's how it was supposed to be," I told her, trying to give her some sort of comfort.
Kat wiped at her eyes, brushing the tears from her face. When she looked up at me, her lashes were long, thick and wet from the tears she had let escape. "I wish I could just...change," Kat spoke, shrugging her shoulders and giving me a pursed, tight lipped smile.
"You did," I informed her, both of us staring at one another and holding each other's gaze. Blue colliding with blue and lingering. She's changed, she's grown stronger, smarter, tougher and wiser. She's developed new skills, with the thanks to me, Michonne and Hershel. She's learned so much more from her father, her mother and any other influences from her past.
Kat shook her head, she was being stubborn and this was one trait that wasn't one of her best ones. "Not enough," she mumbled. "Not like you," she tried to compare herself to me. "It's like you were made for how things are now," Kat said and glanced around us.
I didn't know what else to say, I didn't want to compliment her and I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable by the admiration that would flow from me. "I'm just used to it, things being ugly," I told her. "Growing up in a place like this," I tried to explain to her.
"Well, you got away from it," Kat quickly answered, she too had glanced around at the house we were beside and I felt a little comfort from her words. Like it was something that could somehow change my views on the house I once used to live in, or at least one that was similar to this.
"I didn't," I grumbled, knowing I too was being stubborn. My past always seemed to chase after me, when I least expected it and in hidden ways. Some people would give me looks, but eventually, they all respected me and I wasn't used to it.
"You did," Kat said stubbornly, but her voice was soft and gentle. Matching her voice, her expression showed the same kind and gentle features. Her skin smooth, her eyes bright and her lips curved at the corners into a shy smile.
Shrugging, I looked down and kept my eyes hidden from her. "Maybe you got to keep on reminding me sometimes," I spoke, the intesity of her gaze was too much. It was those moments where I felt she was staring into my soul, sending me shivers and chills.
"No," Kat argued. "You're not the type to depend on anybody for anything, right?" she questioned me, an eyebrow arched in my direction as I shyly raised my head a little to peer at her from under my lashes. "I'll be gone someday," she declared.
"Stop," I growled, not liking the thought of her talking about this. I didn't want to talk about death, especially not hers. She wouldn't die, not as long as I would keep her safe. But I knew that it was inevitable, I just didn't like to think of it or want to think of it. She meant something to me, what excatly, I wasn't quite sure yet.
"I will!" Kat said in a small shouting tone, it was soft and caring, in a weird way. "You're going to be the last man standing," she said, making a 'pfft' noise escape me. "You are," Kat said firmly, convincing me of this false suspition. "I just hope it will be Carl next to you, with Judith in your arms," she tells me with a hopeful and sad tone. "You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon," Kat had said, making me look down and frown. Something inside me told me she was right, it was something I already knew and I kept pushing it to one side. Because I didn't want to think about it.
Sighing, I looked back at her and sighed. "You ain't a happy drunk at all," I noted and tried to change the subject.
Kat giggled softly, shaking her head at me and giving me that smile. The smile that always seemed to warm my heart. "Yeah, I'm happy. I'm just not blind," Kat stated. "You've got to stay who you are, not who you were. Places like this, you have to put it away," Kat advised me.
"What if you can't?" I questioned her, glancing at her from under my lashes and her bright blues were glued to me. Her hair swaying softly with the wind, her skin glowing and parts of her skin was shaded black. Those were the parts that weren't illuminated by the moon's light.
"You have to," Kat demanded. "Or it kills you," she informed me, making me listen to her carefully. "Always keep it in your memory, but never stay with it for too long," she suggested, making me fully confident that she cared about me for who I was. That my past made me who I am today, but in good ways. Not in bad.
Glancing around, I nod and gave Kat a small, pursed lipped smile. "We should go inside," I suggested, I was about to get up but the way Kat looked at me, had me worried. There was a plan forming behind her eyes, I wasn't sure if it was going to be bad or good.
"No," Kat spoke firmly. "I think, we should burn it down," Kat suggested, her smile wide and strings of laughter escaped her, the crazed look only reminded me of her father. Reminding me how similar they were, yet how different they were from each other.
I thought over what she said, choosing my options, I knew what needed to be done and I couldn't have a better companion in that moment to share this experience with. "We're gonna need more booze," I told her, getting to our feet we began to spill all the Moonshine we could find and I quickly took the newspaper with me. Throwing the glass, we let it smash and every inch of the house was filled with the alcohol. We spilled as much of it as we could, getting into it and letting my anger go with it. This was my closure. My version of it. "You wanna?" I asked Kat, offering her the matches to light the newspaper I had in my hand.
Kat looked me over for a moment, smiling she looked like she was ready to burn this place down more than I was. "Hell, yeah," Kat said, repeating my words from earlier, she sounded like she was honored to do such a thing. She took the matchstick box, set fire to a match and let it touch the end of the scrunched up newspaper. Throwing it far away, I watched as it set fire to the base of the house, slowly the flames licked up and rose higher, and higher. Holding the bottle, we were about to leave, but I turned back and threw the bottle right at it.
Letting go of the pain, the hurt and knowing that this wasn't me. That it was part of me, but that I changed, because I always wanted to. We walked away a little, I followed after Kat and suprisingly, she turned and raised her middle finger to the burning house. Making me smile, I watched her as the place burned down, her finger long and slender, but when I felt her nudge me, I glanced at her face quickly.
She looked to her finger and then to the house, gesturing that I do the same. Following her lead, I took stuck my finger up at it and we waited there for a few moments. Leaving when we realized it was time to go, walkers were making their way towards us and the woods was bound to burn along with the house. Following Kat closely, I didn't look back and I didn't feel the need to. It was my past, it made me who I was today, but I was better than that life. I was different, I changed and it was all for the best. I was glad to have shared this with Kat, as she understood me perfectly and didn't judge me for who I was, my background or whatever happened to me before. She respected me, cared about me and liked me the way I was.
~Back to reality~
Smiling to myself, I kept replaying that scene in my head, all until the sun slowly began to rise and I had pulled out Kat's picture. Looking at it, I felt comfort in having her in my memory, in having her in my heart and in my pocket. She would forever be cherished, until I was gone and I didn't care when, how or where. For now, I would look after Beth and that was my mission. When Beth woke up, we packed our things and left the house. Hearing Beth stop, I turned my head to look at her, seeing her standing there and staring at the burnt house.
Beth's blue eyes examined the building, trying to find the story behind it and attempting to solve the mystery of what could of happened to it. "Hey Daryl," Beth's small voice called out to me. "You never did tell me why that house is burnt down opposite us," Beth hinted as she squinted at the house, and then glanced at me over her shoulder.
Smiling, I too stared at the building and flashes of that night came to mind. "That's nothing," I told her, deciding to keep that day and tale to myself. "Just...memories," I hinted, it was the only thing I'd tell her and she didn't push me. She only gave me a small smile, nodding and walked off. I stayed behind, keeping my eyes on the house, I gave it a nod and thought of Kat as I walked off. Missing her, but knowing that I would one day see her again. That she was important, she wouldn't be forgotten, but she would always be with me. Following Beth, we continued our journey and kept moving forward. As it is supposed to be.
Okay, so people may react to this in different ways. People may react positively and some may react negatively. I didn't replace Beth exactly, but I did change it up a little. Simply, because I didn't feel it right that Daryl would tell Beth so much about his past. Even if they were in the type of housing Daryl would have once lived in. Kat and Daryl, to me, talk about everything and anything. It's how close and comfortable they feel, especially when they're alone together. Beth was still the one he broke down with, she's the one who's going to be still with him in the next chapter, but this part needed to fit in with Kat and Daryl's relationship. So, if people hate it, I completely understand.
I'm starting the next chapter as you're reading this, I may have it finished by Friday, but I still want those 5 reviews! So, questions and then replies to reviews!
1) What did you honestly think about this chapter? Did you like it? Did you hate it?
2) What would you have changed about this chapter?
3) Is there anything you want me to focus more on?
4) What do you picture will happen when Kat and Daryl see each other again?
Now, replies to reviews!
redangel2463: Thank you! I hope I am doing a good job with his character, sometimes I feel like I'm playing him very OOC. Yeah, I wanted them both to feel guilt and pain over losing each other and those that they loved. Such as Judith and Hershel. I hope this made up for your suggestions, she had flashbacks and so did he. Thank you for reviewing every chapter I post!
EastDenise: Who knew? You got what you wanted in the end, some scenes between Daryl and Kat. So, some Karyl scenes! I wanted Carl to seem like a brat, but that he's only troubled, he's a kid, so he's going to have his moments of child-like issues and times. How was this little twist? Thank you reviewing to every chapter I post!
LoneWolfAtHeart16: I hope you're okay dear! I'm touched you almost cried, sadly, it's kind of what I was hoping for. I cry and laugh when I write my own chapters, which can be seen as mad but in this case, I think it makes me passionate about what I write. Along with the characters, hoping to capture their essence and their emotions. Thank you for reviewing every chapter since you caught up! It means a lot to me. x
guest: Here you have it, hope you liked it!
Anna: Thank you! I hope you liked this update!
Until the 5 reviews, I'll be typing away and hoping to get them so I can post the next chapter! Until then...
Much love!
HeroJustInTime90 xxx
