Thanks to MeSh17 for her beta skills. I pay so much more attention to my commas knowing you are going to be reading it! And as always, to Ms Meyer for permission to play.

This one is a little late, but long!

I am camping with my 11-year-old's class this weekend. I imagine I will have a lot of time to work on editing a print out of the next few chapters... that seems likely, right?

Published Monday 24/5 4ish PM AEST. 4272 words.


Chapter Eleven - Grief

Before leaving Texas, Jasper had phoned Peter to ensure his "Spidey senses" were in agreement with Alice, and with his blessing they drove back to Forks in record time, arriving just after sundown.

"Let me out near the Swan's," Jasper told Edward. "You can fill the rest of the family in on anything Alice doesn't know. I want to check on Bella."

"Sure," Edward said. "Call me when she's asleep and I'll come back. I know you're worried about tonight's dreams."

"I am," Jasper agreed, "but I also want to know what Alice has to tell us about those journals. So give me half an hour here, and I'll see you at the house."

"Make it two hours," Edward said. "Alice wants to go for a quick hunt with me, and if I'm going to be here overnight..."

"Right. I should do the same. Two hours then."

.

When they had hunted—though Jasper doubted that was all Alice and Edward were doing after being apart for almost 60 hours—they gathered at the Cullen house. Alice had already filled in the rest of the family about her visions. "But I don't know everything," she said, "only the outcomes. Can you fill us in on what happened in the morning?"

"No," Jasper said tersely. "Just tell us what you saw. Edward can fill you in on the rest after I leave."

"You're heading back to Bella's?" Esme asked, sounding concerned.

"Yes," he said. "Peter said I needed to be back here for something. Something to do with Bella. So I don't want to stay away too long."

Everything had seemed fine when he stopped by—she was chatting quietly with Charlie while she cooked dinner, and he couldn't detect any particularly heightened emotions from Charlie, although he was feeling mild concern about something. But with the very limited information Peter had been able to give them, he didn't know what he was looking for, and it made him anxious.

"Okay," Alice said. "So in my vision of you discussing the journals, you mentioned that Bella got married, but you seemed to already know that," Edward and Jasper both nodded, but she continued speaking. "And Edward already told me you know that she died not much later..."

Jasper clenched his teeth to keep from growling. He still couldn't believe she had died so quickly. If that man had done something to her...he desperately wanted to find someone to hurt. It was all so long ago, but it felt immediate. God, he needed to get back over there.

"Yes," he said shortly. "Alice, just tell me what I don't know. What was in the journals that was so important?"

"Honestly...I'm not sure. Edward told me that Peter confirmed they were important, but those were the only two major things. Maybe it was more about finding the picture of her..."

"No, Peter said there was something we needed to know from the journals. How did she die? Did Mary write about that?"

"Oh, yes. She was sick—" Alice began.

"So it wasn't the husband?" Jasper interrupted.

"No, I don't think so. Mary wrote about her looking unwell even before the wedding. She was always tired and looked like she'd lost weight. She thought it was just stress and grief, and hoped it would get better after the wedding—that she'd move on, you know? She said—" She broke off and looked at Jasper consideringly.

"What?" he asked. "Just tell me what she said, Alice. I'm not going to fly off the handle, no matter what you say, so you can stop second guessing yourself."

"Okay, she just—she wrote about how much you had loved her, and how you would have wanted her to be safe and happy, more than anything else. She said you would have been upset if you knew she was starving herself to death."

"So is that what happened then?" he asked sadly. "She basically died from grief?"

"I'm not sure. Obviously, she didn't get better after the wedding, but Mary only saw her twice after that. But she did write that she'd been able to visit Isabella a week after, and while she was there Bella had to run off at one point, and she thought she had thrown up."

"Did she ask her?"

"She didn't say. She just said that Bella ran off—to be sick, she thought—and when she came back she looked paler than ever. She didn't want to upset her, but she asked if there was anything she could do, and Bella said no; that she was just very tired, but she felt sure if she could just get a good night's sleep she would start to feel better. She—"Alice swallowed. "Jasper, just be calm okay? She implied that she was trying to do her duty, and that she hoped that once she fell pregnant, Mr Johnson would let her sleep alone."

Jasper clenched his fists until he felt the venom start to seep from his palms where his nails cut them. He took a deep breath and tried to rein in the rage he knew he was projecting through the room.

"So he was culpable," was all he said.

"Maybe, in a way, but he didn't actually kill her or anything. The next time Mary mentioned seeing her, she said that she looked even sicker, and admitted she was having trouble eating. She wrote that Bella said 'I feel like there's constantly a lump of grief in my throat through which food won't pass.' A week later she collapsed, and two days after that she was dead."

There was silence in the room, as everyone processed the speed of her apparent illness, whatever the cause, and Jasper again tried to rein in his emotions.

He jumped up, startling everyone. "I need to go," he said.

"Don't you want to talk—shouldn't we discuss Isabel Dawson?" Edward asked.

"You discuss her," Jasper said. He walked out of the house and started running, grateful that Bella lived close enough to the forest that he could run undetected the entire way. It was hard to separate his grief and rage over the death of the Bella he barely remembered and yet felt so much for, and his feelings for the Bella he had only met—could it be possible?—two weeks ago. He needed to see her, or at least hear her voice, to know she, at least, was still okay.

.

Sunday night found Bella exhausted and desperately hoping for a dreamless night. She had completed most of her homework with Alice the day before, and then spent Sunday on the rez with Jacob and the Clearwaters. It was a good day, she thought, and worth it to be reminded she had a life and friends outside of her dreams. But it did leave her with a few hours of reading to complete before she could call it a night.

When she finally turned off her light, she was rewarded with several hours of solid, dreamless sleep. She wasn't lucky enough to spend the whole night that way, though.

She woke up briefly when she heard Charlie get up around 5am, and when she settled back into sleep, it was to dream of her mother's parlour in 1862.

.

"Isabella, sit up straight," her mother said for what was surely at least the twentieth time, "Mr Johnson will be here any minute."

"I am sitting up straight, Mama."

"Well pinch your cheeks, girl, you look as pale as anything."

The knock on the door just then saved Bella from answering, but she knew she did look pale She'd been feeling unwell off and on for the past few weeks and had not been able to keep anything down that morning. Her mother insisted it was nerves, and she supposed that was probably correct.

The maid showed Mr Johnson into the parlour, and her father came in not long after. They carried on most of the conversation between the two of them, and Bella only paid them half a mind while she sewed. She knew her mother wanted her to marry Mr Johnson, but he must be closer to her father's age than hers, and she was sure he wouldn't be interested in her. He certainly wasn't paying her any attention today.

As if that thought had called him, Mr Johnson turned to her then and spoke. "And how are you today, Miss Williams? Your father has told me that your brother and one of your childhood playmates are off defending Texas and were part of the victory at Galveston. I'm sure you must be very proud of them."

"I, uh…that is, yes. Yes, of course, I am," she stuttered. That was unexpected, she thought.

"Well, and I see you are knitting, doing your part for our soldiers as well, hmm?"

"Yes," she murmured, looking down at her knitting. "I do my best."

"Good, good." She glanced up and saw that he was looking back at her father. "Well Williams," he said, "I'm sure we can settle the rest of our business in your study, hmm? I'm sure Miss Williams and her mother will have their hands full getting ready for the wedding. I think we should set the date, and let's not leave it too long. Perhaps a week from today?"

Bella heard herself gasp, and her father glanced at her uncomfortably but was already standing and ushering Mr Johnson away.

"Now don't be missish about this Isabella," she heard her mother say crossly, as the door closed on her father and his guest, but it sounded as though it came from a long way off. She stood, intent on demanding an explanation from her mother, but instead she felt herself swaying as her vision narrowed and blackness overtook her.

.

It felt like hours later that she woke to the sound of her phone alarm blaring, telling her it was time to get up for school on Monday morning. At first, she wasn't sure where she was, or WHEN she was. But as the early morning Forks light filtered into her bedroom, she got her bearings and dragged herself up and into the shower.

She knew she'd slept well for the first part of the night, but the subsequent dream seemed to have undone any good she'd received. She avoided looking at herself in the mirror, knowing she would be even paler, with bigger shadows under her eyes, than when she'd seen Alice on Saturday.

She wanted to force her way back into the eighteen-sixties and demand that her mother and father stop bulldozing her, knowing that the Isabella of that time simply didn't know how to resist them. She needed Jasper to come back, and she just didn't think he was going to get there in time.

In the kitchen, she poured herself a cup of coffee, but even the idea of a pop tart made her stomach rebel. The coffee would see her through to lunch, she reasoned, as she grabbed her bag and keys and took herself to school.

.

The morning went by slowly, each class passing in something of a blur. Bella couldn't stop thinking of Mr Johnson's statement and what it must mean. If she'd had any doubt that the wedding he mentioned was to be hers, to him, her mother's reaction would have put paid to it.

She supposed she'd find out when she went to bed tonight whether her father had agreed to Mr Johnson's terms—and the date he'd suggested—but she felt sure that he would.

And then what would she do? Would she just go along with it? Would she run away to try to find Jasper, or ask his mother for help? Would she stand up to her parents and simply refuse?

That was the least likely option, she thought, but the one she most hoped for. It was maddening to feel that her future was dictated by nineteenth century attitudes that she didn't hold, and that she couldn't influence her nineteenth century self and her choices.

By the time lunch arrived she was both starving and even more nauseated than she had been in the morning. She picked up a bottle of coke in the lunch line and a yoghurt, hoping that would be mild enough to stay put in her stomach. The good bacteria should help, right? She hoped so.

As she was digging through her purse for some notes to pay for her meagre 'meal', she felt someone looking at her. Looking around, she met Jasper's eyes across the room. "Oh!" she gasped, almost breathlessly, the overwhelming relief almost bringing her to tears, "You're back." She knew he couldn't hear her at that distance, but she felt herself flush hot with embarrassment anyway. But then he smiled at her, and she felt her heart do a little summersault.

"That'll be $3 please, Miss Swan," she heard from behind her, and turned around, her face even hotter.

"Sorry!" she said, handing over the money. She went to pick up her tray, but suddenly Jasper was right there, collecting it for her.

"Oh," she gasped again, "I didn't see you!"

"Sorry darlin'," Jasper said, his Texan drawl stronger than ever. "I didn't mean t' scare you. Will you sit with us today?" He smiled again, ducking his head down to her height to meet her eyes.

"I... uh…" His eyes were so beautiful, she thought, staring into them. What was she supposed to be saying?

"I know Alice would like you to," he added then, reminding her what they were talking about. "She hasn't shut up about how much she enjoyed spending time with you on Saturday."

"Oh," she said, ridiculously disappointed. Silly, silly Bella! Of course it would be for his sister he asked her. He hardly even knew her!

"And, " he said, as if sensing her disappointment, "I would like it too."

"Oh," she said, again, stupidly. "I—sure, that would be nice," she finally agreed. His answering smile was blinding, and for a moment she was caught again in his gaze, unsure what she was supposed to be doing next. Then he turned away, one hand holding the tray, the other ever so gently propelling her along, just barely touching the small of her back.

When they got to his sibling's table, Jasper put her tray down and pulled out a chair for her—next to Alice—in an old-fashioned gesture that once again reminded her forcibly of Jasper Whitlock.

When he sat opposite her instead of next to her she was momentarily disappointed. But then, she reasoned, this way she could look at him without it being awkward, which was almost better than sitting by him.

"So," Alice said brightly, "what did you do yesterday, clean some more?"

"Ha ha," Bella stuck out her tongue at Alice. "I do have some life you know," she said. "Anyway, thanks to your help the house is already spotless."

"Okay, good!" Alice chirped back. "So, what does this life entail then? Do tell."

"I spent the day on the rez actually," she said, "with Jacob Black, and Leah and Seth Clearwater. Do you know them?" She felt a strange vibration through the table and looked up to see Jasper gripping it and frowning.

"Not really," Alice said, drawing Bella's attention back towards her. "I may have met them sometime," she said, "but I don't really know anyone from the rez. Maybe you can introduce us sometime. Are they good friends of yours?"

"The best," she said. "My dad and Billy Black have been best friends for years. I don't really know Seth and Leah as well as Jacob, but their dad, Harry Clearwater? He died of a heart attack a few months ago, so Dad and Billy have been helping out with stuff for Sue, his widow."

"Oh, that's sad," Alice said. "But great that she has such good friends around her. I bet it's good for the kids too—you know, to have other families they can lean on."

"I guess so," Bella said. "Truly, they've been good for me. I didn't really know anyone from town before I started school here—just my Dad's friends and the kids on the rez. So it's nice to spend time with familiar faces, you know?"

She felt the table vibrate again and heard what almost sounded like a growl coming from Jasper's direction. She looked back over at him, but he was looking down at his food, and didn't seem to be paying attention. Weird.

She looked back at Alice and saw that she was glaring at Jasper. But then she smiled and said to Bella, "Well, now you can count us as familiar faces too, right? I can tell we're going to be best friends!"

Bella couldn't help but smile back. "Sure," she said, "I'd like that."

"And Esme wants to know when you'll come by again," Alice added. "Maybe we could study together again this weekend?"

Bella was reminded of her idea that Alice was relieved to find a friend who just accepted her. She smiled again. "That'd be great," she said. Then she realised Jasper might be there this weekend, and her heart rate picked up. She glanced over at him to find him looking at her. She couldn't make out his expression before he blanked his face into a polite smile. He'd looked—worried, maybe? She hoped he wouldn't mind her coming. Her chest suddenly felt heavier, as her mood plummeted. She just couldn't figure him out.

The bell for the next period startled her.

"Come on," Jasper said, standing gracefully and grabbing the tray with her half-eaten snack. "Time for bio. Hey—you didn't eat much, do you want the rest of this?" he asked, offering her the tub of yoghurt.

"No thanks, I'm done," she said. She watched as he tossed the rest of her lunch, as well as his own—which also looked hardly touched actually—and followed him out, waving to Alice & Edward as they went off in the other direction.

.

Isabella heard the knock at the door with some trepidation. It wouldn't be Mr Johnson again would it? She couldn't believe her parents honestly expected her to marry him, and in less than a week!

And yet, what could she do? She had no way of contacting Jasper, and she knew his mother couldn't do anything. Still, she'd try to get away this afternoon to see if Mrs Whitlock had any ideas. There must be some way she could escape this ridiculous plan.

She could hear voices coming from the entrance and looked up to see Mary coming into the room, her eyes swollen with crying. Bella felt her stomach tighten as she took in her friend's expression.

"Mary!" she exclaimed, putting aside her embroidery and standing quickly to embrace her friend. "What's happened?"

Mary looked as though she didn't know how to speak, and Bella led her over to sit down, her heart filled with fear.

"Please," she whispered, "please tell me it's not Jasper—please Mary." But Mary had more tears falling.

"Oh Bella," she choked out. "He's gone. I'm so sorry."

"What do you mean 'he's gone'? He's not gone. He's coming back, as soon as he can. He's safe Mary, he promised me! He promised he would come back!" She knew she was starting to sound hysterical, her words tumbling over each other, but she couldn't help herself.

Mary just took her hands and held them, tears running unnoticed down her cheeks.

"We just got word today, Bella."

"No," Bella whispered. "No! It can't be true. It can't be. He has to come back."

"He hasn't been seen since the Battle of Galveston," Mary said.

Bella brightened immediately. "Then there's still hope?" She said, half questioning, half insisting. "If they haven't seen him, they don't know that he's dead. He's just missing!"

"But what could have happened to him?" Mary asked. "He would never desert his men. Never. You know that."

"Of course not, but there must be some explanation. We can't imagine it now, but once he comes back, I'm sure it will make sense. Maybe," she paused, racking her brain for answers, "Maybe he's been taken prisoner. He has to be still alive, Mary!"

"Bella..." Mary still looked just as pained as before. Bella's assurance was not making her more hopeful. "Bella, I didn't want to believe it at first either but...The army is listing him as missing in action, but the man who came to the house—he said we shouldn't hope for more. He was Jasper's second in command, and he'd been injured too, that's why he was going home. There was a huge explosion in the harbour—the lack of a body doesn't mean anything. No-one was taking prisoners."

"No," Bella moaned again. "No, please. Please Mary, it can't be true." She closed her eyes, and pictured Jasper the last time she'd seen him. He'd promised her he'd be safe. " Please tell me it's not true," she whispered.

She felt Mary pull her into an embrace, and she realised she was sobbing. She stayed like that, weeping into her friend's shawl, until she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

For the first time, she realised her mother was in the room.

"I'm sorry, honey," her mother said softly. "Your father would never have approved the match, but I do know that you loved him."

She pulled herself away from Mary and tried to control her tears.

"I should go," Mary said quietly. "Mama...She will be needing me. I just—I had to come tell you."

"Of course, dear," Bella's mother said, perhaps realising her daughter was still trying to control her sobs. "Thank you for coming. Please give our condolences to the rest of your family."

"Yes," Bella got out finally. "Thank you, Mary. Mama, may I walk Mary to the door?"

"Of course, child. And then perhaps you should lie down for a while before supper."

At the door, Bella embraced Mary again.

"We'll still be sisters," Mary said fiercely. "No matter what else happens, even if he never—if he's really—you'll always be my sister in my heart, Bella."

"Of course," Bella said, hugging her one more time. "Of course we will."

Bella followed her mother's suggestion, and took herself to her room, where she threw herself onto her bed and sobbed until she fell into an exhausted sleep.

.

Outside the Swan residence, Jasper could hear Bella's sobs change slightly as she woke up, but they didn't stop. "He's dead," she cried into her pillow. "He's really dead."

"Oh, thank God," Jasper said, with a sigh of relief. He could feel Edward's surprise, and felt the need to explain. "I know it's selfish to be relieved, but I can't feel her emotions, now she's awake. I don't know how much more I could stand..."

"I know," Edward said, looking down to Jasper where he was sitting on the ground. For the past thirty minutes he'd been sitting with his head in his hands, holding back his own sobs, torn between wanting to go to Bella and comfort her, and wanting to run far, far away from her pain.

"Just listening to her cry is bad enough," Edward added.

"I have to see her, Edward. I can't let her think—I have to tell her the truth!"

"You can't!" Edward exclaimed. "It's not safe Jasper. Not for us, and especially not for her."

"I know," he moaned. "You think I don't know? But how can I not? How can I let her keep thinking I'm dead when—I promised I'd come back Edward, I promised her!"

"Jasper, it wasn't your fault." Edward was the calm voice of reason, but it just made Jasper want to scream at him.

"She died Edward! She died because I wasn't there for her. Because she was forced into a marriage with that, that monster!"

"Jasper, you don't know that, and either way, it doesn't change anything here, today. If you tell her, you have to change her, or kill her. What if she doesn't want to be changed?"

"I will protect her," Jasper said fiercely. "No one will hurt her again."

"Why don't you just start by getting to know her? Letting her get to know you again?"

Buzz Edward's phone sounded loud in the morning quiet. "Alice is pretty sure she's not going to school," Edward said, glancing at the message from his wife, "but she says we need to."

"What? No. You go, I'll stay here, and just—keep an eye on her."

Buzz buzz buzz. Jasper's phone started vibrating next. "What, Alice?" he barked into the receiver.

"You have to go Jazz, you've missed too much. It's starting to be noticed. Besides, this way you can pick up her missed work and bring it to her this afternoon. Esme's making soup too, so pick that up first."

"Can't you pick up her work, Alice?"

"No. I told you, people are starting to talk. Not only have you missed extra school this term, but it hasn't gone unnoticed that you're spending time with Bella. If you're both off at the same time…"

"Fine. But you need to keep a close watch on her then. As close as you can, anyway."

"Don't worry, I don't think she's going to leave her bed all day. That's why you're bringing soup. She may not be actually sick, but she does need to eat more."


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Sorry, no recommendations this week. I haven't had much time to read!