Thanks to my lovely beta MeSh17, and as always, to Ms Meyer for permission to play.

I came back from camping with a cold that I am having trouble shaking, but that's not really the reason this chapter is late. I only have a few more chapters pre-written (at least, in sequence), so things may continue to be slow for a bit as I try to make sure I am not missing anything that needs to be included in these early chapters (we're maybe a third of the way through here).

Published Wednesday 6/6 2:15ish PM AEST. 2347 words.


Chapter Twelve – Revelations (I)

When Bella heard a knock on her door that afternoon, her first instinct was to ignore it. She was lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling, as she had been doing for most of the day. There was no-one she wanted to see right now.

Well, she acknowledged to herself, there was one person, but he was hardly likely to be visiting her, and besides, she wasn't sure she could look at him right now. To look into his gorgeous face and know that his namesake… but no, she wouldn't think about it.

She tried to blank her mind again and stared back at the cracks in the ceiling. She'd cried herself out after waking up that morning. Now she was just trying not to think; not to feel.

The knock sounded again and she closed her eyes. Please let them go away, she thought.

Her phone started buzzing. She clenched her eyes shut. After a few seconds the buzzing stopped. She started to relax but then it started again. The third time, she snatched it up. The name "Jasper Hale" was displayed on the screen. "How—?" Alice must have put his number in, she thought. Reluctantly, she clicked the answer button.

"Hello?"

"Bella, it's Jasper."

"Hi," she repeated.

"I'm at the front door. Can I come in?"

"Oh. Um…"

"Look, I know you're not feeling well, but I've brought you some soup. Esme made it. And your homework."

"Oh, I—Okay. I'll um, I'll be down in a minute."

She jumped out of bed and threw on some jeans and a jersey. It would be rude to keep him waiting but… She flew into the bathroom and quickly pulled a brush through her hair. She met her own eyes in the mirror. I still look dreadful, she thought. Oh well, I am supposed to be sick.

She trudged downstairs, carefully not tripping on the loose bottom step, and walked slowly to the door. Now that the shock of it being him had worn off, she remembered why she wasn't sure she wanted to see him anyway.

"Oh well, nothing else for it," she muttered to herself, and swung the front door open.

He was just so beautiful, she thought, taking him in on her front door step. And so much like… No. Stop. Don't go there. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She wouldn't cry. She would not.

"Hi Bella." His musical voice brought her back to herself. "Can I come in?"

"Sorry, of course," she said, stepping back.

"Here." He handed her a container presumably holding the soup. "It's still warm," he said. "I just picked it up from home. You should eat some now—I bet you haven't eaten all day."

"I— No, I haven't," she admitted. "Thank you." She led the way into the kitchen and motioned for him to sit at the table. "Can I get you anything?" she asked.

"No, you sit down," he said, pulling out a chair and taking the soup back from her. "You're the one who's sick." He started opening cupboards and only took two goes to find the bowls. She allowed herself to sit down, bemusedly. She was, in fact, feeling pretty awful.

The bowl of soup that appeared on the table in front of her a moment later did smell good. She took a tentative spoonful and waited to see how her stomach would react.

"You really don't feel well?" Jasper was frowning at her, looking confused.

"Just a bit queasy," she said, taking another spoonful. "This is really good though. Your mom is a good cook."

"Yeah, she loves cooking." He chuckled slightly as though that was amusing, but she couldn't imagine why.

She took a couple more spoonfuls of soup, but it was uncomfortable having him watching her so closely. Her queasiness was starting to get worse again anyway.

"I'll have some more later," she said. "You said something about homework?"

"Bella, that's not enough food! Have you eaten today at all?"

"Um… no," she admitted. "But I really can't eat any more just now."

Jasper sighed. "Okay," he said, "yeah, I do have some work for you, though honestly, you do look like you should just be in bed."

.

Bella really didn't look well, Jasper thought. More than just grief, his sharp eyes could see she'd actually lost weight in the short time he'd known her—in this life. All things considered, it was a bit worrying.

She stood up to return her bowl to the counter, and he quickly took it from her.

"Sit down darlin'," he said. "You look like a stiff breeze would knock you over. In fact, let's go sit on the sofa, and I'll go through the school work I picked up for you."

He touched his hand to the small of her back to guide her into the living room, and just that minimal touch sent a surge of warmth through him.

"Now sit there, I'll be right back."

He went back into the kitchen, tidied up her bowl and put the rest of the soup away at vampire speed, then grabbed his backpack and sauntered back into the living room.

She was sitting in the corner of the couch, her feet up under her, staring into space.

"Hey," he said gently, not wanting to startle her. She refocused her eyes and looked up at him, as he sat down next to her, bending one leg up onto the couch and angling himself towards her. He wanted to take her hands in his, but knew she'd notice how cold they were.

He longed to reach for her though. It felt wrong not to. They'd always been touching in the past, he realised suddenly. Holding hands, or just his hand under her elbow, her hand on his arm—whenever they were away from her family anyway, and long before he asked her to marry him.

How could he have forgotten her? He clenched his eyes shut for a moment, overwhelmed. The memories coming back were still blurry and incomplete, but the feelings. God, he'd loved her so much.

He'd had to forget, of course. The first few days were nothing but blood lust and feeding. But he remembered, the sixth day, they'd brought him someone that looked like his sister. He'd killed her, of course, fed from her, as with all the others. They were intent on feeding his blood lust at that stage, bringing him two humans each day. It was only afterwards, with the spark of familiarity, that he'd broken down in horror.

"Did you know her?" Maria asked in her musical Spanish accent. "I'm sorry if you did."

They were almost the first words she'd spoken to him since explaining what he'd become, aside from brief instructions.

He'd looked up at her. "No," he said shortly. "She looks like my sister."

"Ah. Well, I'm glad it wasn't her. But, Major, you must forget your sister, and anyone else you loved. If a thought comes into your head, banish it immediately. They are dead to you now. And I mean that quite seriously. Should you ever go to find them, you will kill them, just as you did this one. Never think of them. Put that temptation from your mind. It is hard not to be drawn to them, if you allow yourself the memories. I should not like you to have to live through that."

She moved to the door and gestured for him to follow. "Now come. It is time for you to leave this room. Let us find you another meal, to overcome the unpleasantness here."

Maria had not treated all her recruits so thoughtfully, he found out later. She was naturally rather sadistic and didn't mind seeing them suffer at all. But she had a gift, which was to detect gifts in humans. She couldn't necessarily tell what the gift would be, but she could estimate their strength, and she'd believed—correctly as it turned out—that Jasper would be valuable to her. She'd wanted his loyalty, and for a long time, she'd had it.

"Jasper?" Bella's voiced jarred him from his memories. "Are you okay?"

"I should be askin' you that darlin'." He reached for her, then pulled his hand back again. "Bella, I—"

God, he wanted to tell her, so badly. How could he explain who he was, or even what he knew, without telling her what he was? Without putting her at risk that way?

He couldn't. Edward was right, damn it.

"What is it, Jasper?"

"It's just—Bella, you do look sick, but you also—I just—you seemed... " God, could he be any less articulate? Vampires weren't meant to stutter! "I just wondered if there was anything else going on? You seem sad," he finally said.

"Oh." She looked down at her hands, clenched in her lap, and mumbled a response. "I, um, I had some bad news last night."

He reached out finally and touched her, unthinking, and gently tilted her chin up until her eyes met his.

"Bella, I just want you to know... I'm here for you, if you want to talk, and I..." he petered out as he gazed into her eyes and felt her love and longing and grief all roll into him, with an intensity that almost made him gasp.

"Oh god, I just can't do this!"

She pulled away at his words, and he felt the sharp stab of hurt before she looked away from him.

"No, no, that's not what I meant! I just, I can't—you need to know, I need to tell you—" She looked back up at him then, and he felt her confusion mixed in with all her other emotions, and was that—? The tiniest bit of hope, as well.

"Bella, he didn't die, he's not dead. He just, he changed, and—he couldn't come back. He wanted to, so much, but he couldn't. But he—I—I'm here now. And I'm sorry. So, so sorry. Please, please forgive me, for breaking my promise."

"Ja-Jasper?" It was almost a whisper, but looking into her eyes he could feel her hope growing, as well as her confusion. "Is it—is it really you? But...how? I don't understand. You didn't remember me. That first day—I know you didn't recognise me."

"I didn't. Well, not exactly. I—there's a lot to explain and I—I can't—I'm not supposed to—it's not safe, Bella, for me to tell you. I shouldn't have said anything but—"

"Don't you dare say that!" She was angry now. "I've spent my whole life, I've waited— and you weren't going to say anything?"

"It's dangerous, Bella. I'm dangerous. I'm not the same as I was."

"Wait—you didn't die? You mean you didn't ever die? You've been alive the whole time?"

"Yes," he replied. "In a manner of speaking."

"What does that mean?"

"Just—yes, I've been the same as I am now, the whole time."

"And what are you now?"

"Bella, don't—please don't ask me that."

"And your family," she went on, almost as though he hadn't spoken. "They're the same as you?"

"Yes."

"Wait—did they, did they...make you like this?"

"No, no, not them! I've only been with them for a few decades."

"A few decades," she said slowly. "Jasper, all this time...and—oh." She stopped suddenly. The hurt had come back to the forefront of her emotions, but she looked down, before he could completely interpret it. "And your cousins, in Alaska, are they—?"

"Yes," he said, bemused. "But how did you know about them?"

"People talk, Jasper," she mumbled, still looking down. "So why don't they live here too?"

"There'd be too many of us," he said honestly. "And besides, they prefer their home in Alaska. They don't have to interact with—with humans, much at all there."

"I see," she said simply. Something about her tone told him there was more to her questions than he understood, but he didn't know what. She wouldn't look at him, and he wondered what she was feeling. Was she repulsed?

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked her, sadly.

"What?" She looked up, surprised. "No! Of course not. Why would you think that? Can't we—can't we still be friends?

"Of course, we can," he said, relieved, while she continued,

"We were always friends, first—before anything else."

She was looking down again, and he reached out now, to take hold of her hand.

"Your hands are so cold," she said, and he started to pull away, but she grabbed for his hand, and he let her pull it back, turning it over in her grip to clasp hers. "It was just an observation," she said, "not a complaint."

.

Later that night Bella lay in bed, not wanting to fall asleep. Her mind was still spinning with everything Jasper had told her, and at the same time, she was dreading her dreams. She knew that in the past, Jasper would still be dead. And she now knew too, that he never did come back. Not in that lifetime anyway.

But as much as she dreaded dreaming, she was also exhausted, and she knew her body needed the rest. Jasper was right that she didn't look well. She didn't feel well. The stress of the last few weeks was taking its toll, and the consequent queasiness meant she wasn't getting the nourishment she needed either.

After a while she got up and went to the bathroom to get some cold & flu medicine. Hopefully it would knock her out long enough for her to get some decent sleep before the dreams started.

The tablets almost hurt going down and for a moment she thought she was going to bring them straight back up. But they stayed down and she went back to bed, eventually falling into a dreamless slept that lasted almost until morning. But not quite.


A/N

Thanks so much for your reviews, I really appreciate every one of them! They definitely make me work harder!

I have been reading a bit the last week, with my cold, so I have a couple of recs – both of these are older stories.

I'll be home for Christmas by Mrstrentreznor this is a Bella/Joshua Uley story, set a few years after the books (I think the point of departure is in Eclipse, can't quite remember). I remember I really liked this story. M rating. s/7619586/1/I-ll-be-home-for-Christmas

Summary: Bella Swan pulled the plug on the wedding juggernaut and ran. Reduced to short stays and voluntary isolation, she moves from place to place. The Volturi can't track her, but it doesn't mean they can't find her some other way. Human, she broke her promise to them. Depressed at Christmas, she meets an older man in a bar and he takes her home. Who is he? Why is she drawn to him?

Then I have a Jasper/Bella story for you too, that I just discovered even though it was finished in 2011:

Risen Anew by Pandora181900, Summary: On Bella Swan's first day at Forks High, she trips over the door step. The smell of her blood is too much for Edward Cullen, and he snaps. Suddenly, she is thrust into a world she didn't even know existed. J/B s/5418567/20/Risen-Anew