Thanks to my lovely beta MeSh17, and as always, thank to Ms Meyer for permission to play in her sandpit.
Thanks also for all the reviews and answered questions, especially to those I haven't had a chance to reply to yet. I am running around like a headless chook for the next few days, so please accept this short update in lieu of a review reply!
Published Saturday 23/6
1639 words.
Chapter Fifiteen—Communication
Bella breathed a sigh of relief as she climbed into her truck at the end of the day. Conversation had been stilted at best and non-existent at worst between her and Jasper during biology class, and then gym had been the usual nightmare.
He'd said he'd meet her at home, so she planned to head straight home and get dinner started before he arrived.
She had a feeling it was going to be an uncomfortable conversation, at best. He'd said he and Kate weren't together 'that way', but—what? What was he going to say next? That they were together in some way? Maybe they had a casual on and off thing going?
Or maybe he wasn't going to say anything about Kate. Maybe he was going to say "I'm not saying I'm not with someone." Or "I'm not saying I still feel that way about you."
The last one seemed the most likely. He obviously knew how she felt. How he knew—how he knew she knew anything at all—was a mystery. But that he did know, she felt sure. And he clearly wanted to say something she wasn't going to like. So maybe he wasn't with Kate, but he didn't want to be with her either. Which was fine. Of course he didn't, she'd already figured that out.
So she'd let him let her down gently, and then she'd tell him again that she understood. That she was happy just to be friends. It wouldn't precisely be a lie. She was happy that he was alive. To be able to have him in her life—in any capacity—was more than she'd expected a few days ago.
And if she didn't have to watch him with some supposed cousin, so much the better.
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By the time Jasper arrived she'd finished chopping everything and was just sautéing the onions before throwing everything else in to simmer itself into soup. She'd enjoyed Esme's soup yesterday—as much as she enjoyed any food lately—and she figured if she made a good hearty soup that suited Charlie, she could water some down with extra chicken stock for herself.
"Come in," she called out, when she heard his knock, adding, "I'm just in the kitchen," once she heard the door open.
"Let me just finish up here and then I'll make some tea," she said. "Or do you prefer coffee these days?" He'd always been a tea drinker when they were growing up, although coffee was more popular back then, just like now.
"No, I'm good. I don't really drink either anymore. Why don't I make you some though, while you finish up?"
"Oh, uh, okay," she stuttered. He came right into the kitchen and she felt her breath catch as he brushed her shoulder in greeting.
"Which one," he asked, "tea or coffee?"
"Just some mint tea please. The cups and tea bags are up there." She indicated a cupboard above the bench.
He busied himself filling the kettle and then finding the right tea. His back was to Bella, and she just stood and watched him for a moment. He was so beautiful. Just like in her dreams but more. He really didn't look much like a senior in college, she thought. She wanted to run her hands through his wavy blonde hair. She wanted to run her hands down his back and feel his muscles under his shirt.
Stop! She told herself silently. You have to stop thinking like this!
She closed her eyes for a moment and turned back to the stove.
By the time she was done, he had her tea ready, and led her back into the living room, where they took the same spots on the couch as the day before.
"There's so much I need to explain to you, and I'm sure you have a thousand questions for me," Jasper started.
She nodded. "I do. Charlie's not getting home till later tonight though, so we have time. If you have time, I mean."
"I have all the time in the world for you, darlin'," he said, taking her hand in his again.
"You don't have to be back for dinner or something?"
He laughed. "No," he said. "That's the first thing you should know—Carlisle and Esme: they are kind of the parental figures of our family. Esme especially will mother anyone, and Carlisle did change Edward, as well as Rosalie and Emmett—have you heard about them? They're away at the moment but they're part of our family too," he paused as she nodded.
"They were seniors last year, right?"
"Yeah. So Carlisle did support them all through their—what we call their 'newborn' period. Remember I said how overwhelming everything was at first?" She nodded again. "So he is kind of a father figure to them. But essentially, although we don't physically age, we're all adults, playing at being a family so we can fit into human society better. So no, no dinner time curfew."
"Okay," she said. "You said that yesterday—humans; you called us humans. So you're not—you don't consider yourself human anymore?"
"No darlin'," he said gently, "I'm not human anymore."
"Okay," she said again. "I'm not going to ask—you told me not to ask what you are, so I won't but…maybe you should just, explain whatever you can? Like how you knew who I was? Why you didn't remember me and now you—you do? At least partly?"
"I will answer all of those questions, but first I need to—I need to clear the air, to explain about Kate."
"What? No, no I don't need to hear about Kate. I told you Jasper, I get it. It's been 150 years. You didn't even remember me. Of course, you've moved on. And, truthfully, I'm not the same person I was back then either. Not really. I'm 21st-century Bella—you might not even like me once you get to know me."
He growled at that. Actually growled! She could even feel the vibration slightly through his hand, which she realised she was now holding in both of hers, her thumbs absent-mindedly smoothing the back of it.
"Don't be ridiculous!" he said. "Of course I'll like you, you're still you. Just a new incarnation. And no, I haven't moved on!"
She looked at him curiously. "Is that what you think?" She asked him. "That I'm the reincarnation of your Bella?"
"Yes," he said decidedly. "I'm sure of it. You're the reincarnation of yourself. You're still my Bella."
She took a swift breath in. That sounded like he meant—could he mean that? That he still wanted to be with her, like that?
"Isn't that what you think?" he asked her.
"Yes, it is," she said. "I always thought…I always hoped that maybe, one day, I would meet the reincarnation of you. That that's why I was having the dreams. And I thought maybe you would be having them too. I never dreamed you were actually still alive from back then."
He looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry," he said. "It probably would have been better for you if I had really died."
"What? No! Why would you say that?"
"Because think about it. Then you could be meeting the reincarnated me. We'd be the same still. I could be human for you. Or maybe—maybe we'd be in heaven together. Maybe you wouldn't have had to live through all this again and again."
"What do you mean? You think I've been here before? Have you—have you met me, reincarnated versions of me, before?"
"No! No, darlin'—" he began.
"No, of course not," she was saying at the same time, "otherwise you would have known me straight away, right?"
"Right," he said. "But Carlisle—he thinks he may have met you before, about 90 years ago."
"Wow. That's...And you think that's why I'm here? Why I was reincarnated? Because you never really died?"
"I don't know darlin', but—I have a lot to tell you. A lot we just found out this past weekend."
"I thought you were camping on the weekend?"
"No. That was just our cover story. Edward and I—we actually went to Texas to do some...shall we say, family research? We found out what happened to you, after I left. And we found my sister's journals, they're kept in a library down there. And a picture of you as well."
"Wow! Mary's journals were preserved, that's amazing. And—what?—a picture of me? From when?
"Wait—" she held up her hands in a stop formation. "I don't want to know—I mean…You probably don't know, do you, but I don't have all my memories from that life. Only up until this day in 1863. Every night I dream about that day in my other life. So—I don't think I want to know what's coming up, if that's okay." She looked down and took his hand in hers again. "I don't think it's going to be good," she added quietly.
"Oh Bella! I wish, god how I wish I could turn back time and just be there with you!"
"Yeah, me too," she said. "Except—then I guess we wouldn't be here now…"
They were silent for a minute.
"Anyway, before I get into all that, I need to—I have to tell you about Kate." He put the finger of his free hand over her lips to silence her as she started to protest again, and then gently ran his fingertips over her cheek, before dropping his hand into her lap and interlacing his fingers with hers. "I know you don't want to hear it, but I have to explain. Will you listen?"
She kept her eyes on their interlaced fingers. "Okay," she said quietly.
A/N
Two updates in one week! See, reviews do make me work harder!
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Thanks for all the responses to my questions last time – now I have another one, sparked by some of the answers... How long is too long between updates? I mean, I know we'd probably all like them daily, but is there a distance between updates where you either don't read, or you just wait till it's finished (if ever) and then read?
Or – are you someone who follows a story when you find it, but then waits till it's complete before reading?
(I guess if you are then you are reading this much later, but I'd still love to hear your answer! :) )
Oh, another question - someone complained (maybe complained is too strong - alerted me to their sorrow?) about my short chapters after the last chapter (which from memory was about 2000 words). So - I'm curious, do you prefer updates more often but shorter - or would double the length but only half as often (for instance) be better? In fact, I just break the story where it seems natural to do, generally speaking (although to be honest this and the last chapter were originally one chapter, but I needed more time on this last bit, so I just put the first half up to get something up), I don't worry too much about the length. So - curious about people's preferences.
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The next chapter may take a little longer, but it *is* longer too. :) Reviews—as well as making me very happy—will get a sneak peak.
Recs:
I've just been reading the Mortal Instruments series, by Cassandra Clare – my 16yo son (who was the one who introduced me to Twilight) has been trying to get me to read them for months. It took a while but now I am hooked – have read the first four books in the past week. And still writing too! Think yourselves lucky...
So, to cut a long story not very short at all, I have no fan fic recs this week, sorry!
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Okay, I wrote that and then changed my mind – this was a short chapter, you deserve something! So...
Afterlife, by thatisastory, is a J/B story, but it starts out canon (except with no Renesmee). I just 'wasted' another hour of my writing time re-reading the last two chapters for you, to make sure I wanted to recommend it...
Summary: Becoming a vampire was supposed to mean a new beginning for Bella. Instead tragedy is visited upon the Cullens, and Bella is neither alive, nor dead, left to keep a promise she wishes she'd never made. This is her Afterlife. s/4642236/5/Afterlife
