A/N
I suck and I know it :(
I'm so sorry to anyone that has been enjoying this story and had to wait such a long amount of time for an update. Please forgive me.
Work and daily goings on have stopped me working on anything that wasn't already roughly written and since I write this story chapter by chapter it got put on the back burner.
I will certainly try harder to make my updates a lot quicker and hope you'll stick with me.
---
The days seemed to pass in a joyful blur before Aedre's eyes. The autumn came with sharp, cold gusts of wind and the gentle turning of green leaves to golden hues and rusted oranges. The fires were nearly always burning and the occupants of the hall stayed close to the warmth of the hearth rather than risk the bitter conditions outside. The harvest was plentiful and the winter would prove to be of little problem in respect to food and firewood. This year had been ripe with crops and good weather.
Sunniva had kept her promise and ferried Aedre to and from Éomer's chambers each morning and evening. If there had been the bubbling of a rumour brewing in the Golden Hall these actions soon soothed away any doubt and scandal that could have been caused. None saw Sunniva's visits to Éomer as anything unusual; after all she had tended him as a babe through to his coming of age as a man.
Despite this Aedre could easily tell that there was something different steadily invading the air around them. A tenseness that she could not explain and could only attribute to Éomer's growing concern on facing the council. Sunniva and Éomer seemed to spend many long hours discussing what could and should be said and what the right way to say such things would be. Aedre felt useless in these moments, she had no understanding of the ways of protocol and rules and could only offer what she hoped were comforting smiles and touches. Still her time alone with Éomer was as pleasurable as it ever was; laughter and soft caresses mingled with good food and made each evening something she longed for. It seemed as though her old life had belonged to someone else now, she looked back upon her memories with a gentle fondness but she did not recognise the girl she once was, this was her life and she hoped that it never changed... but there was one thing Aedre wished she could bitterly change. Éomer hid his emotions on the subject well but she knew that he wished strongly to share in the pleasurable union he had spoken of many nights ago. She could not blame him for feeling this way, not if, as he said, it was normal for a man and woman to lie together in such a way, but her mind could not break the connection between the act and punishment. She willed her heart and body to give in to what he wished, she only wanted his happiness, and yet she could not step through this barrier and in her heart she didn't really want things to change, she was content with the way things were.
Sunniva, as always, was kind to her and Aedre felt a strength in the older woman's presence, an unrelenting will that said without any words needing to be uttered that she would stand by Éomer's side no matter what the outcome. Aedre couldn't say for sure if Sunniva was wholly happy with the situation as it stood, she often felt as if her elder would have preferred things to be simpler, perhaps even that Aedre herself had never set foot in Edoras. But it was a fleeting feeling that left Aedre as quickly as it came and she did not choose to dwell upon it.
Aedre glanced up from her needlework, a skill Sunniva had recently been teaching her as the days became shorter and the nights longer. A warm, merry fire burned within the large hearth and candles had already been lit, giving the king's chambers a cosy glow. The last strains of a burgundy sunset still existed on the skyline outside the ajar window shutter and Aedre allowed her mind to linger upon the beautiful darkening colours for a brief moment before she turned her attention back to the two silhouetted figures sitting beside the fire. Sunniva and Éomer were talking once again about the council. Aedre had tried to understand the complex situation they had taken pains to explain to her on many occasions but her mind could not fully piece together the ways of this place. Surely if Éomer was king, the lord of all around him, he could do as he willed? Her knowledge of rank and power were limited to the ways of the Orcs and what she was only now becoming accustomed to in the world of men. If an Orc became the leader he only had to reach out and take what he wished, everything was his as long as he had the strength and skill with a blade to back up his claim and the lower Orcs were fearful enough to obey his wishes... but here everything seemed to depend on ritual, feelings, thoughts and tradition. Aedre did understand only too well that these things kept them both bound in a strange kind of limbo, while she could have happily spent her days in this hidden existence it seemed Éomer could not due to his place as king. He was expected to take a woman as his bride, bear children and have her on display as he himself was often on show to his people.
She glanced at the sky once more; the sunset had now faded completely, leaving behind a cloudy night sky that looked heavy with rain.
"Let us talk more on the morrow, my thoughts are becoming confused." Sunniva's voice drew Aedre's gaze back and she saw the older woman rising from her seat. "I will take Aedre to the kitchens for something to eat and bring her back in a few hours."
Éomer stroked his beard absently as he studied a tattered piece of parchment. "Hmm." He gave a noise of agreement, seeming to not fully hear Sunniva's words. "Yes" he said, shaking himself from his deep thoughts. "Perhaps it is best not to dwell upon these things too much tonight."
Sunniva reached out and touched his shoulder tenderly. "Do not worry upon this, you will talk to Baal tomorrow and he is to be trusted, he is a loyal man and a brilliant scribe, he shall be able to give you better advice than I can."
Éomer smiled. "He does not know common sense as well as you Sunniva, and I prize that more than any learned scribe." He gave a small chuckle, lightening the atmosphere.
Sunniva laughed. "Aye, is that so?" She began to gather her own sewing material which she had not tended to since first entering the room. "Come Aedre." She gestured with her hand that it was time for them to leave.
Aedre got up from her seat and walked towards Éomer. She placed a hand softly upon his arm, the action a small gesture of farewell until their later meeting. Éomer smiled, it was meant to be reassuring, but Aedre only felt that welling of uneasiness worsen within her. He was worried, she could see it in the depths of his eyes and the tightness of his jaw line spoke of vexation and hidden distress. Aedre suddenly didn't want to leave, to be away from his side for any small amount of time, as if that separation would give him a moment to ponder upon the hardships and difficulties she brought into his life. What if he decided it was no longer worth the grief, that she was not the woman he wanted to be with. A harrowing image entered her mind, she saw herself running through the many darkened corridors of the Golden Hall, her destination set upon his chambers. She reached it with faltering steps and pushed but the door was shut, bolted, barred against her. She rained down blow after blow with her fists, calling his name in a voice she wasn't sure she even possessed and then Sunniva was dragging her away and casting her out into the cold wild lands beyond Edoras with cruel words that were lost in the howling of the bitter wind.
Her hand involuntarily tightened upon his arm as she stared down at the stone flags of the floor, her mind lost in that terrible fantasy.
"Aedre?" Sunniva reached out to guide her but Aedre flinched away from her touch as if the older woman had been about to brand her with a hot poker from the fire. Sunniva's brow creased in worried confusion. "Aedre girl?"
Éomer placed a hand over Aedre's, sensing her dismay in that single grasping action. He glanced down at her, her eyes connected with his and she pressed her body closer to him, silently asking for some form of protection.
"Sunniva, she will be with you in a moment, I wish to talk with her before she leaves." Éomer smiled warmly, unwilling to show Sunniva that there was anything amiss.
Sunniva gave a firm nod and left the room to wait outside the chamber door, knowing that this time was indeed hard on both her king and her young friend.
Éomer waited until the familiar click of the door closing reached his hearing before he turned to Aedre. Gently he removed her grip from his arm and held her hand in his own.
"You are troubled." It was a question but one he knew the answer to, it had already been given clearly by her actions, his real enquiry was to the reason why.
Aedre gave a small nod, her eyes again finding his, the dark depths of them pleading with him silently, and he again wished that she could speak, that she could lay all her fears at his feet and he would be able to sort through each one carefully and reassure her to the fact that they had no merit.
"Can you tell me?" He asked, unsure if he was really asking her to speak or to use her pallet as she normally did. A small ball of hope that nestled within him wished that one day he would ask this of her and she would open her mouth, her soft voice filling his hearing... it was indeed a small hope, but a heartening one.
Aedre released his hand from her own and went to where her pallet was always kept, upon a large table near the window. She glanced up at the dark landscape through the open shutter as she thought of what she should write. The sky was becoming thunderous and small thin raindrops had begun to fall. She set to work upon the pallet surface, her hands bringing into being words that she hoped would at least convey a little of her mind.
When she returned to Éomer she handed him the pallet and he read the words with a furrowed brow of concentration. Aedre's writing was becoming better, her understanding clearer of how words were written and put together although her spelling was still a little sloppy.
"I am worried, the council, us." the first scrawled line of writing read. He moved his eyes to the next line. "You worried, it is bad."
Éomer couldn't help the small smile that crept onto his lips, her concern was endearing and comforting all within the same moment, to know that she too felt the heavy burden of these hours eased his mind that they stood together, side by side through this hard time.
"I am concerned." Éomer said placing the pallet down on a nearby chair. "But there is no need for you to worry so Aedre." He reached out and brushed his palm against her cheek. "Such times cause worry and tension, it will pass." She covered his palm with her hand, pressing his touch against her. "We are together, that is important to me, to have you with me, to know you are with me."
Aedre embraced him, the gesture giving a reply to his words; that she was always with him. Éomer returned her embrace and held her close for a moment before he pulled back and placed a tender kiss upon her brow. "Do not worry upon this more" he murmured against her skin. "Be merry and come back to me, I ask for nothing more, nor would I." He moved back a little so he could see her face. "I want nothing more."
Aedre smiled, her expression shining with relief and reassurance. She nodded.
"Go with Sunniva for a while and you can return later."
Again she nodded and with a last smile she walked towards the door to join Sunniva.
---
Aedre and Sunniva ate a good meal together and Aedre pushed away those worrisome thoughts that had wrapped themselves about her earlier in the evening. She listened as Sunniva talked and gossiped with the other women who sat at the table of the day's goings on.
"You look tired Sunniva" one of the women cut in. "Pale too, are you becoming ill?"
Sunniva shook her head. "My mind has not been mated with sleep for some nights, it is but a passing phase and I shall be well soon enough." Sunniva's eyes passed Aedre, an expression that was fleeting... Aedre felt a sudden jolt of shock flare through her being, surely she had been mistaken, the light in the kitchens was dim when the fire was not burning brightly, and perhaps she had imagined that strange look of resentment that graced her older friend's features and the cold, cruel glint in her eyes. Aedre fumbled with the bread within her hands, her gaze going to the soft white food as if she could make sense of this unpleasant feeling within the crumbs. She felt her heartbeat quicken and a strange sickening welled within her stomach as if it was suddenly empty of all the food she had just eaten and only contained liquid that caused her to feel nauseous. She breathed in deeply through her nose and allowed her eyes to briefly close, trying to calm herself and finally she looked up. Sunniva's face was kindly, warm, just as it ever was and as she broke into merry laughter at what another woman had just said she looked at Aedre, her eyes dancing with amusement, wishing for Aedre to join in on the jest that had just been told. There was not a trace or hint of that shadowed look. Aedre smiled weakly, sure now that the light had indeed played a trick upon her eyes, but she was dismayed to find the feeling had taken hold of her, nestled within her mind somewhere and could not be moved or found.
When the other women had eaten their fill and set off for their beds, family or last chores Aedre and Sunniva were left alone within the confines of the warm room. Sunniva busied herself with preparing a joint of pork which was to be soaked in herb laced water overnight for the next day's meals. Aedre watched her for many minutes, feeling a strange kind of calmness in the labours her elder performed.
Sunniva glanced up from her task of tying the pork up with thin string, the skin around her eyes wrinkled as she smiled. "Why don't you go and wash your clothes while I finish up here?"
Aedre gave a nod, it had been some time since she had cleaned her clothing, the chores of each day seemed to leave little time for such things and now she was down to her last clean shift. Sunniva reached out and touched Aedre softly upon her arm. "Do not linger upon the worries these last weeks have brought, just as the cold wind shall fade into the summer breeze, so shall this and all things." Sunniva smiled again and Aedre returned it with her own. "Go on now, then when you return we shall go to Éomer."
Aedre nodded certainly before leaving the room, her destination on her own chambers and the clothes that needed cleaning. Her quick footfalls made little work of the distance between her own room and the wash room. Aedre carried a candle knowing that the late hour may mean there would be no light that had not already been extinguished, but she was a little surprised to find some careless soul had left a lone candle burning. The room smelt of citrus fruit and warm water, the odours of clean clothing. She briskly set about stoking up the dying fire beneath a large iron pot that heated the water within. When the liquid began to bubble she threw in her lighter garments and allowed them to stew for a good while before she pulled them out with the aid of a heavy stick and placed them upon the stain board, a wooden contraption that had ridges running down its length which the material could be gently scrubbed against to remove any engrained staining.
Aedre set about this task with sure, controlled strokes. As was so often when she worked her mind began to wander, to recent memories or best forgotten ones....
