Chapter 18 Word Count: 4013; First Published about 2:30pm, 8/8/18, AEST.
Many thanks to Meha taking the time to read over it and Ms Meyer for permission to play.
Previously...
Unconvinced, she grabbed his hands. "Promise me, Jasper. I can't—nothing can happen to you now, okay?"
"Darlin'," he said, smiling wryly at her, "I will be completely safe, I promise. The fact is, you don't survive eighty years in the vampire wars easily. I am very hard to hurt, okay?"
"So you're saying you're tougher than them?" She smiled back at him. "You always were pretty good in a fight."
"I was?" he asked.
"You don't remember when my brother decided you weren't good enough for his little sister, and needed to be taught a lesson?"
"I—no? What happened?"
"Well, suffice is to say, he came out worse than you did."
"Oh well...that's good, I guess?"
"I was pretty angry with him at the time, so yeah, it was good!" She took a step closer to him and looked up into his eyes. "But even so, Jasper, be careful, okay?"
"I will," he assured her. "I'd better go." He bent down and kissed her gently on the lips. She leaned into him, unable to stop herself from trying to deepen it, but he pulled away. She pouted.
"You want me to go before your dad gets home, right?"
"Yeah, okay," she said, "I do."
He reached past her and opened the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, darlin'."
. . .
Chapter Eighteen – Doctor
Thursday morning passed in blur for Bella. She still wasn't feeling well and she felt as though her thoughts were mired in sludge, unable to escape the distracting haze of the past few days' disclosures long enough to understand anything the teachers were saying.
She'd taken a long time to go to sleep after Jasper had left the night before, too many thoughts running through her head then too: the way Jasper had described becoming a vampire, the look on his face as he talked about killing the girl who looked like Mary, his guilt over all the years he spent with Maria...It all mixed in with her speculations—completely superficial, she admitted to herself—about Kate: what did she look like, what was she like, was it really over between them as quickly as he implied? And then when she'd let herself remember that Jasper was out there now, and that there could be other, less friendly vampires out there with him. It was hard to just trust that he was as completely safe as he'd told her.
And who were the "allies" he'd mentioned? She had a feeling he'd been about to say something else, before he called them allies – like he hadn't really wanted to tell her about them. Were they human drinking vampires too, she wondered? But ones the Cullen family were friends with? Is that why he was hesitant to mention them?
Gradually her thoughts had drifted back around to the afternoon's revelations, and from there inevitably to the kisses they'd shared. If he was out there watching out for her now, she was glad he couldn't feel her emotions, she'd thought, wondering self-consciously if her dreams tonight would be as lust filled as her waking thoughts.
But when she finally did fall asleep, she seemed to spend the entire night dreaming of the past.
Her wedding date was only four days away, and her mother was full of plans and preparations. With the continued blockade, despite the victory at Galveston, access to all sorts of resources was still severely restricted, including fabric for new clothes. But there were still old clothes to be made over, hems to be let down, and she even gave Isabella two of her own dresses to rework.
Isabella followed her mother's instructions in a daze of grief and exhaustion. She wasn't sleeping and was hardly able to keep food down, but her mother didn't seem to notice.
Bella had woken in the morning feeling as though she'd not slept at all. She wasn't sure if she wanted to shake her nineteenth century self and tell her to run away, or hug her and assure her it would all be all right—eventually. Of course, it didn't matter either way, she could do neither one. All she could do was try to immerse herself in the present. She longed to see Jasper to reassure herself that it was all real. That he really was still alive and not just an illusion conjured up by her stressed, exhausted imagination.
She'd told him she didn't want Edward listening to any more of her dreams. The idea of Jasper hearing a blow by blow account of her days preparing for her wedding, or worse, the actual event, horrified her. But a part of her wished she'd asked him to stay. He'd said he didn't sleep, so she didn't suppose he'd want to spend hours just watching her, but she wondered if his presence might have kept the dreams at bay, at least for some of the time.
And if he'd been hanging around outside somewhere—wouldn't he be more comfortable inside with her? The nineteenth century part of her found the idea of him spending the night in her room quite shocking—then again, her nineteenth century self might have fainted at the way Jasper kissed her yesterday! But her twenty-first century self was all for it happening again. And if it should happen in her bedroom at night? Well, she knew he would never do anything she was uncomfortable with. He would always put her first.
Then again, she would be living through Isabella's wedding night in only four more days. Maybe doing more than she was strictly comfortable with—but by her own choice and with the man she loved—might not be such a bad idea, before Sunday night.
When the bell rang for lunch, she realised she barely remembered anything from her first three lessons of the day.
Her eyes automatically went to the Cullen table when she entered the cafeteria, but there was no one there yet.
As she waited in the lunch line she suddenly realised that Angela had come up behind her and was speaking to her.
"Sorry, Ange," she said, flushing. "I didn't realise you were there."
"That's okay, but—are you okay, Bella? You seem a bit distracted, and Jess said you didn't speak to her at all in Spanish."
"I'm just tired," she said. "I didn't sleep well last night. Sorry. I hope I wasn't rude to Jess. Was she upset?"
"No, I don't think so, just concerned."
Bella wondered if "I don't think so" was Angela speak for "probably, but I'm too kind to think that," but just then she spotted Jasper walking towards her. She knew the smile that lit up her face would be beyond revealing, but she couldn't help it, and anyway, who cared? She'd been a little annoyed when Jess kept imagining more than was there, but now—now, she could imagine whatever she liked.
"Hi, darlin'," he said as he came level with them, reaching immediately for her hand. "Hi Angela."
"Hi," she said happily, lacing her fingers through his. She wished she was brave enough to reach up and kiss him, but she felt herself blush just thinking it. He must have read something in her eyes though; he lent in and kissed the side of her temple.
"I missed you," he murmured, for her ears only.
"Me too," she admitted.
The line moved forward then, and Angela interrupted. "Aren't you going to get anything to eat, Bella?" She grinned now, and Bella knew her current distraction was easily understood.
"Uh, yeah," she blushed again, and quickly grabbed a yoghurt as she moved past. "Can you get me a bottle of coke out of the fridge, Jasper?"
"Sure." He also grabbed a salad and added it to her tray, then had paid and picked up her tray almost before she knew what was happening.
"Come on," he said, starting to move away.
"Um, see you later Angela," she said.
"You're welcome to sit with us," Jasper added, politely.
"Oh no, that's okay," Angela said quickly, looking uncomfortable. "I'll just..." she waved towards Jess and their usual table. "I'll see you 'round."
"Tell Jess I said sorry, about before, you know," said Bella, as she followed Jasper. Then she frowned, and said to him, "You didn't have to do that, you know."
"What, invite Angela to sit with us?"
"No. That was sweet. You didn't need to pay for my lunch."
"I added to it, I figure it's the least I could do."
"Okay well, thanks I guess. Just don't feel like you have to make a habit of it."
They sat down at the Cullens' usual table, Jasper pulling a chair out for Bella almost before she was aware of it.
"Bella, if I'd taken you out before—if that had even been an option back then—I would never have expected you to pay."
"I know, and I wouldn't have expected it either. But this is 2006 Jasper, and I told you—I'm not that girl anymore."
He frowned, and she bit her lip, watching him. He'd said he still loved her—even though she was different. But what if he couldn't, really? What if it was just his residual emotions for the old Isabella making him think that? She looked down quickly, remembering he could feel her emotions when they made eye contact.
"Bella—" he took her hand and paused, waiting for her to look up, she supposed. But just then Alice and Edward arrived at the table.
"Bella, I'm so glad you're sitting with us again today!" Alice gushed, quickly giving her a one-armed hug.
"Don't mind Alice," Edward said, chuckling as he pulled out a chair for his girlfriend. "She's always a little over the top."
"Oh shush, you!" Alice said, smiling all the while. "You know you love that about me."
"I do." Edward smiled back at her and Bella had the impression he had forgotten she and Jasper were there, until he turned his attention back to her. "She's excited to have a new friend, though," he added. "That's pretty unusual for us."
"Yeah I noticed," she said, then flushed in embarrassment. "I mean, I don't mean—"
"We know what you mean, Bella," Alice said kindly. "People tend to shy away from us. And we do tend to keep to ourselves. It's hard to make friends with people you can never be honest with. But you're different."
Jasper squeezed her hand. "Alice was defending you even when I was still in denial," he told her. "And I told you she couldn't stop talking about her day with you, when Edward and I got back from Texas."
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Alice's good humour was truly infectious, Bella thought later as she walked with Jasper to their biology class. And it was reassuring to feel that Jasper's siblings accepted her so fully. Edward had seemed a little cool towards her at first, but he seemed to have warmed up.
Which was just as well, she reflected, considering the impact her presence was having on his family. Between monitoring her dreams (thank goodness he wasn't doing that anymore), trips to Texas, and now having to run around Forks to keep her safe from random nomadic vampires...
She'd asked about them during lunch, but there was almost no more information than Jasper had given her the night before. Alice and Edward had run a complete perimeter of Forks, and had come across one vampire trail, but it had ended at a road—they assumed he'd entered a car there—and wasn't anyone familiar to them.
Their "allies"—and she still didn't know who that was, but she presumed it was more vampires, because evidently, they also had a sense of smell strong enough to pick out individual vampires—told them there were two nomads, but so far hadn't been willing to show them the trails they'd found. Still, at least it was presumably somewhere out of Forks, so that was something.
There was no real chance for conversation in bio, but Bella enjoyed just sitting next to Jasper, knowing that he felt the same way. His hand brushing against hers as they worked sent a spark through her body, and she could tell he felt it too. And every now and then he leaned over to whisper something in her ear, and the feel of his breath on her skin almost made it impossible to take in his words.
She had to ask him to repeat himself once, when he was clearly waiting for an answer.
"I asked if you would come over to my place after school today?" he said. "I know you've met Esme already, but not as my ma—my girlfriend," he said, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger. "And maybe Carlisle will be home too."
"I'd like that," she whispered back, before Mr Banner reclaimed their attention. It would be good to spend time with him and his family together, she thought. They did need to get to know each other again, but she decided she would put aside any doubts. Of course, they would probably creep up on her again from time to time, but she really believed what she'd told him yesterday—that at his core, he was still the same person she fell in love with a hundred and fifty years ago. So it was only reasonable to acknowledge that she was too. And maybe there would be a period of adjustment, as they came to know each other again, but so what? She can't have been reborn, and spent her whole life dreaming of him, for nothing. They were meant to be together, she did believe that.
After the lesson ended he walked her to PE. They were playing badminton, which was even less fun than usual as she had to stop twice with mild dizzy spells. But then he met her outside the change rooms at the end of the day, and everything seemed rosy again. They walked together to the lockers, storing some books and grabbing others to take home.
It felt pleasantly normal, and yet entirely special, to be walking around holding hands with the man literally of her dreams.
"I hope you don't mind driving," Jasper said, as they walked to the parking lot. "The others have gone on ahead."
"Of course not," she said, but then she realised she was starting to feel dizzy again and wondered if she should let him drive her truck.
"Bella!" Jasper exclaimed, steadying her as she stumbled, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I—just a little dizzy. I guess I haven't really eaten enough today."
"Bella, from what I can see you never eat enough."
"I just haven't been feeling very well lately. It's just stress I'm sure, but I...I do feel a bit...I think I need to sit down."
"You can sit in the car. Come on," he said, taking her by the arm and leading her over to it, "Give me your keys. I'll drive. I'm taking you to see Carlisle."
"Oh, I don't think—"
"Well I do. Please Bella, if only to put my mind at rest, just let him check you over. It doesn't even have to be an official visit, we can just see him privately in his office. If nothing else, maybe he can give you something to settle your stomach."
"Okay," she agreed reluctantly, climbing into the passenger seat, "I suppose that would be alright. If it's off the record, so to speak...then at least it won't get back to Charlie, hopefully."
.
As they pulled up at the hospital, Jaspers phone buzzed. "It's Alice," he said, reading the screen.
"Hi Alice, what's up?" Jasper's jaw clenched as he listened, and Bella wondered what Alice could be saying. But when he hung up, all Jasper said was that Carlisle was in his office, waiting for them.
He took her hand and led her quickly, silently through the hospital, not pausing until she stumbled in her effort to keep up with him.
"Sorry, darlin'! I didn't realise how fast I was going," he said, steadying her, and slowing, but even then, not stopping. But she stopped, attempting to pull her hand from his grasp. Of course he didn't let her, but he did stop and turn to look at her.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"You tell me! Jasper, what did Alice say?"
"She said..." He looked down at their joined hands, trailing off. "She called Carlisle, he's waiting for us."
He didn't say any more, but stood unmoving, as if well aware she wouldn't let it go at that.
"Jazz," she said quietly, "she clearly said more than that. Something she said upset you."
"She said..." he stopped again. Taking an unnecessary breath, he looked up at her finally. "She said Carlisle was going to want to do some tests. And that...that the news wasn't going to be good."
"Oh." It was her turn to drop her eyes. "I see." She flashed her eyes back up to his, then away again, knowing he would read her fear. Gripping his hand more tightly, she turned back in the direction they'd been heading. "We'd better not keep him waiting then, I suppose."
.
"Come in," a musical voice called in response to Jasper's knock.
As they entered the office, Bella's gaze took in the warm décor, the comfortable looking couch and shelves of books, before they settled on the man she presumed must be Jasper's adopted father (if that was really the right description). He was just as beautiful as the other four members of his family she'd met, and much younger than she'd expected. Or rather, she corrected herself internally, he looked younger than she'd expected. She wondered how old he was really?
"Carlisle," Jasper said, squeezing her hand, "I'd like to introduce you to my—to Bella. Bella, this is Carlisle, the head of our family."
"Hello, Bella, it's lovely to finally meet you," Carlisle said, coming out from behind his desk to shake her hand.
"You too," she said shyly, returning his hand shake, and looking sideways at Jasper. Was there a reason he didn't want to call her his girlfriend? she wondered. That was the second time he'd stumbled over the word. She'd have to ask him about it later.
The doctor led them over to the couch he had positioned in front of a wall of books, and gestured for them to sit, as he pulled up a chair from his desk.
"Alice called me," he began. "She said Jasper was worried about you, Bella?"
She nodded. "I haven't been feeling well," she said, "and I had a bit of a dizzy spell just as we were leaving school."
"Right," he said, frowning. He looked over at Jasper. "You explained everything about us to her?"
"Pretty much," Jasper was frowning as well now. "What has you so worried, Carlisle?"
But the doctor turned back to Bella.
"What Jasper probably didn't explain, Bella, is that because of our enhanced senses, I can often diagnose my patients by smell, or by noticing very slight physical changes that another doctor couldn't. Of course, I still need to order the standard tests for medical confirmation, but I can speed up the process by knowing just what tests to do."
"Okay..." Bella had a weird desire to sniff her armpits suddenly.
"And in your case, I think I know what's going on, but I'd like to organise some tests. I'll take some blood to test, and we'll do an endoscopy, to see what's going on in your esophagus, and probably a biopsy.
"And I think...Bella, I know you're legally of age but—" Carlisle paused, obviously unsure of her reaction. "I really think Chief Swan should be here with you."
She frowned, he was obviously thinking the worst then. Or at least, something pretty bad.
"Just tell me, Carlisle," she said. "What do you think it is?"
He frowned in response, and she was sure he said something to Jasper, but it was outside of her hearing range, and so fast she would have doubted herself if not for Jasper's response. He squeezed her hand and turned to face her.
"Bella, whatever it is, I'm going to take care of you, alright? You will not die!"
She felt her breath grow short and knew that her face would have paled even more than usual.
"Is it that bad?" She whispered, turning back to Carlisle.
"I can't tell you anything for sure until I've done the biopsy, but...Bella I believe you have esophageal cancer—which is generally quite aggressive, by the time it's diagnosed."
"What does that mean?" she asked. "Quite aggressive?"
"It means...well, there are treatments, but...unfortunately esophageal cancer doesn't have many symptoms early on, and therefore, it doesn't tend to be picked up until it's fairly advanced. There's a lot we can do to treat it, but if it has spread already, they are largely temporary treatments, not cures."
"Oh." She felt her grip on Jasper tighten, as she closed her eyes and focussed on her breathing. In and out. In and out. She wasn't going to break down, she told herself.
Jasper lifted her into his lap and pulled her against him. She buried her face in his shoulder and inhaled his calming scent. They just sat like that for a few minutes, breathing each other in.
"It's going to be okay," he murmured into her hair, after a while. "We're going to get through this, I promise. And whatever happens, I will not let you die."
"You'll change me?" She asked, leaning back to look at him.
"If I have to. I won't let you die again."
"But you don't want to," she said, feeling hurt. She looked down, unable to make eye contact. Did he not still love her as much as he said? Maybe he wasn't sure he wanted her forever.
She felt his fingers under her chin, gently encouraging her to look at him. "Oh, I want to," he said. "You have no idea how much. But not until—not unless—you want it too. You're only eighteen. You should have the chance to live a little first. To finish high school. To spend more time with Charlie and Renee. You won't be able to see them, once you're like me."
"I won't? Why not?"
"Well, for one thing a newborn vampire can't be around humans at first—it's not safe, until you develop control, which can take a few years. And for another thing, you'll look different. Aside from anything else, you'll have red eyes for the first few months. And there are other complications with changing you in Forks, too."
She was about to question that, when Carlisle stepped back into the room—she hadn't even realised he'd left. "Bella," he said, "I'm sorry to interrupt but I've arranged for you to be admitted, and I've booked the OR for you. I want to get that biopsy done as soon as possible, and there's space for me to do it tonight. When was the last time you ate or drank anything?"
"Oh!" She said, startled. "Lunchtime—about one o'clock—I had some yoghurt and coke. You're really serious about it being bad, aren't you?"
"I just want to make sure we're doing everything we can," he said. "I've booked you in for an endoscopy for eight pm. That's seven hours after your last meal, so that's okay as you'll just be sedated, you don't need a general anaesthetic, but you won't be able to eat or drink anything until then, okay? And with your permission, I'd like to call Charlie. I'll ask him to come in and then explain what's happening. Is that okay?"
"Yes," she said, feeling guilty, but relieved. She didn't want to have that conversation with him herself. "Thank you, Carlisle."
It was a surprisingly quick process to get settled in a hospital room, with Carlisle on her side to pull strings. He had explained that it was quite a simple day surgery procedure, but that given the timing he wanted her admitted for an overnight stay. He also wanted to get her started on a drip as he could see that she was dehydrated and suspected she was also becoming malnourished, partly based on the condition itself, but also on Jasper's report of how much weight she had lost just in the time she'd been in Forks.
He had insisted that she not worry about the cost of a private room, as he would be paying anything her insurance didn't cover. She'd tried to argue with him, but when he pointed out that it was really for Jasper's benefit, and that it would allow him to stay with her (surreptitiously) over night, she acquiesced. She couldn't deny how much she wanted him there with her.
Settled as comfortably as it was possible to be in a hospital gown and with a drip in her arm, she wriggled to the edge of the narrow bed, so that Jasper could sit next to her, and resigned herself to a long wait. At least the drip would prevent her getting too thirsty. She'd experienced the fun of an unplanned "nil by mouth" before, while awaiting surgery once when she'd broken her leg, and it was not enjoyable.
So who saw that coming? I know at least one person had guessed almost that scenario...
A/N I am not a medical person, so most of my understanding of the detection, treatment and outcomes of oesophageal cancer comes from the interwebs. However, my father-in-law died of it two years ago. He was diagnosed very late, and died two weeks after they told us he probably had about three months to live without treatment, or possibly twelve to eighteen months with treatment (chemotherapy and possibly radiation). What they didn't know at that point was that it had already spread to other organs.
Bella is much younger (esophageal cancer is generally an older person's disease and is VERY uncommon in children and teenagers) and in much better health to begin with, so it's not the same situation, and thus I have spent a lot of time trawling websites on esophageal cancer, but I apologise in advance for the mistakes I will no doubt make. The story is not going to be particularly focussed on her disease or treatment, but obviously it will be part of the backdrop for the other parts of the plot (which I will say no more about right now!).
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Next update:
I have sent Chapter 19 to Meha already, BUT she is flat out right now AND I am away next week, so it could be a couple of weeks again till you see it. I would be quite interested in having a second pre-reader if anyone is interested, especially someone with some plot development experience...
CoboltDragon – I replied to you in the app. I don't know if you know, but messages in the app don't come through to the desktop version and vice versa. And you have PMs turned off, so I can't send you a PM except as a reply...
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Recs:
This one is complete, but relatively recent—it was only published last year. It's Bella-Jasper and I really enjoyed it (and I don't *think* I have mentioned it already...)
Changes by Wenyuewen
After the events of Phoenix, Bella struggles to resume her 'normal' life. But all things change and when Bella is turned unexpectedly, she must rediscover who she is and where she stands. (B/J)
/s/12459562/1/Changes
Now here's an older one (also Bella/Jasper). I've read so many over the past few years and some have such similar starting points that I can't remember which they are when I look back through my favourites. This one though, is pretty much unique.
The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp
So, I'm a little crazy. You're a little dead, but I don't keep throwing that up in your face. "I had to admit she made a valid point. I was still wary, but we out numbered her at least. After all, how much trouble could one small human possibly be. OOC/AU
/s/5899400/1/The-Quiet-Room
