26: Part Two, Chapter Five
Chapter Word Count: 4081; First Published 11 March, Australian time. (unbeta'd so please leave me a comment about any typos or Aussie-isms and I will fix them)
And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.
Chapter Five – ChemotherapyBella had looked forward to Monday with a degree of dread, knowing she would be sitting in in the hospital in Sequim for hours, poison gradually dripping into her body. She had been informed of some of the likely and less likely side effects of the treatment, from nausea and throwing up to diarrhea (at the same time! Oh, the joy), weakness and dizziness to breathlessness, her hair falling out (even her eyebrows!), abdominal pain, mouth sores, and even kidney damage. And that was just a few of the possible reactions.
With the particular kind of chemotherapy she was undergoing, the chance of her hair falling out was less than ten per cent, and likely wouldn't start until later in the first cycle or possibly the next cycle (thank goodness, she'd thought; she hoped she wouldn't become the first completely bald vampire). On the other hand, the chance of kidney damage was more than ten per cent, so she'd be having regular blood tests to keep an eye on kidney function, and straight fluids in the drip for an hour or two both before and after the chemotherapy. Which meant she'd be sitting in that chair for up to seven hours, presumably feeling sicker and sicker as the day went on.
She'd also been told that most of the symptoms would likely get progressively worse with each round of chemotherapy (one round consisting of a day with the drip, two weeks of tablets, and then one week of nothing), and some things, like mouth sores and burning hands and feet, would probably not clear up until some weeks after the last round ended.
In the end, that first day wasn't as bad as she'd imagined. She started the day, when she arrived in Sequim, with a tablet that she would be taking morning and night for the next two weeks. That was one half of the chemotherapy treatment. Then she spent six boring hours with a drip in her arm—three of it receiving fluids, and three receiving poison—but she couldn't really tell the difference between the two.
She didn't start feeling truly nauseated until later on Monday night. Dr Simpson had given her an anti-nausea prescription, which Jasper had filled for her before they left Sequim, just in case. She'd been told to call the clinic if she needed something stronger, as she may need injections if she was unlucky enough to have a particularly bad reaction. She was to phone in if she either vomited or had bouts of diarrhea more than four times a day. However, when she'd already vomited three times by 2am, she'd decided that prescription definitely wasn't strong enough, despite her general loathing of needles.
As Jasper carried her back to bed after the third time, she could only be grateful that she'd taken the time the night before to tell Charlie, not only about her engagement to Jasper, but also that he was going to stay the night on Monday night—in her room—to take care of her.
She lay in bed, half listening to Jasper's conversation on the phone with Carlisle. They were supposed to call the clinic in Port Angeles the next day if she needed a different prescription, but Dr Simpson had agreed to her having it administered by Carlisle in Forks general, as long as she checked in with the clinic first. The oncologist certainly hadn't expected Carlisle would be making a house call to her in the middle of the night, but that was what a concerned Jasper was demanding.
By Tuesday morning, while the nausea remained, the injection Carlisle had given her had put an end to the actual vomiting, at least for the present.
Sue arrived, as promised, just before Charlie left for work.
"Not that I don't think your young man is perfectly capable," Charlie had said on Saturday, when he'd told her Sue was coming over, "but Sue is an experienced nurse, and, well, I'll feel more relaxed about going to work, knowing she's with you. Besides, Jasper can't stay home from school indefinitely."
"It's fine, Dad," Bella had replied easily, with the benefit of having known of Sue's offer before Charlie did, care of negotiations between the wolves and Cullens regarding her protection. "I'm sure I'll enjoy having Sue here."
Which, in fact, turned out to be quite true. Her experience as a nurse was an advantage, in knowing how best to help Bella manage her symptoms, and besides, Bella had known her for a long time and felt comfortable with her. After the death of Billy's wife, who Bella barely remembered, Sue had taken to caring for the Black children along with her own, as much as she could, and when Bella visited in the summers, she fitted into Sue's brood with little effort. Plus, she knew it was vain, but she hated Jasper seeing her at her worst and when the diarrhea kicked in, not too long after her morning chemo tablet, she appreciated having a woman to support her.
By lunch time, Bella was exhausted. She'd not slept much the night before until after Carlisle's visit, and then had to be woken at 7am to take her morning dose of chemotherapy. Sue had given her another anti-nausea injection, that Carlisle had left for her, in the late morning, and was pressing her to drink as much as possible to keep from becoming dehydrated.
She'd brought some ginger ale and also crystallised ginger with her, which Bella had been nibbling on, but the idea of eating solid food was entirely unappealing. She had no appetite, and didn't fancy it coming out again, anyway.
She'd spent most of the morning in bed, but Jasper now carried her downstairs.
"I'm not a complete invalid," she grumbled, but he just chuckled.
"I know," he said. "But I like carrying you. You might as well save your energy for fighting me on something more important," he teased.
"Hmm…" was all she said, as he placed her carefully on the couch.
Once she was settled, Sue brought her a bowl of warmed chicken broth, which Esme had dropped over earlier.
"Thanks, Sue, but I'm not really hungry," Bella said.
"I know," Sue replied, "but try to eat some anyway. It's nourishing and hydrating at the same time."
Bella just sat there, the warm bowl of soup cradled in her hands, but made no effort to eat. She could hardly believe how tired she felt, considering it was only day two, and the effort it would take to bring the spoon to her mouth really didn't seem worthwhile. Not when she didn't want it anyway.
"Come on, darlin'," Jasper cajoled. "Just take a spoonful, please?" She looked at him, and the pleading expression on his face almost won her over. "For me?" he added, hopefully.
"Okay," she said, sighing, and picked up the spoon. She knew chicken soup was one of her favourites, but it really didn't appeal right now. None the less, with Jasper coaxing her through, she managed to eat almost half the bowl full, before she put her spoon down and sighed. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head against the back of the couch.
She felt the weight of the bowl disappear from her lap, and a light breeze that told her Jasper had zipped it into the kitchen, though when she reached out with her hand, he was right next to her.
"I know I said I'd like to watch some television," she said, "but I think I'd like to go back to bed now."
"Okay, darlin'." Jasper picked her up gently to carry her back upstairs.
"Could you come back down for a minute please, Jasper, once you have her settled?" Sue asked, as they walked away.
When Jasper got back to the room, he was carrying a bottle of ginger ale, along with a clean glass and straw. Placing them on her bedside table, he sat down on the bed, where she was curled up on her side, and stroked the hair back from her face.
"She just wanted to give me that bottle of ginger ale—" he answered her unspoken question "—and ask me to try to keep you sipping on either it, or at least water, any time you're awake."
Although she'd been there for less than a day so far, Bella could already feel Sue thawing in her attitude to Jasper. Or at least, she hoped she could. She didn't think they'd spoken at all on Sunday night, and when Sue had arrived that morning, she'd definitely been keeping her distance from him, speaking only to Bella as much as possible.
But she seemed to have already accepted that for the most part, Jasper was going to be her primary nursemaid whenever he was able, and he was actually exceptionally good at it, if only because she would try harder for him than for anyone else.
She just hoped that Sue would continue to soften, and that she might influence the rest of the Quileutes as well. Since they would be spending the better part of the next weeks or months together, she couldn't imagine that Sue wouldn't come to like or at lease respect Jasper. How could she not? But perhaps she was a little biased, Bella reflected, smiling slightly to herself as she drifted to sleep.
…
Later, when Carlisle came by after his hospital shift, Jasper could hear him chatting with Sue in the living room.
"How is she?" he asked her.
"She's asleep right now," Sue told him, not realising he would know that already just from the sound of her breathing and heartbeat. "But she's really not doing so well. For only being on the second day of her first cycle, well…I've seen worse reactions, but she certainly could be doing a lot better."
Jasper could feel her worry, had been feeling it increase through the day, and it transmitted itself to him to some extent. The biggest concerns with her treatment were infection, from having a lowered immune function, or kidney damage. Both were more likely in someone who couldn't keep food or water in her system, which was why secondary treatments for symptoms like nausea and diarrhoea were so important.
"At least we can keep her visitors mostly limited to people who won't transmit germs to her," Sue added, and Jasper could feel her grudging acceptance of Carlisle, and perhaps himself, though he'd also felt her discomfort with his presence through the day. Although on reflection, that had been less noticeable as the day wore on.
They chatted some more about how the day had gone, what she'd eaten (not much) and how much liquid she'd had. Carlisle told Sue he would come around later that evening to give her another shot, so that hopefully she would get a better night's sleep that night.
Then he heard Sue take a deep breath, and could feel her resolve.
"Carlisle," she began, "there's something else I need to raise with you."
"Oh?" He could tell, just from the sound of Carlisle's voice, that he too realised this was moving on to a different subject than Bella's health. Jasper wondered if she was going to comment on him spending too much time there.
"I noticed Bella is wearing an engagement ring," she said instead. "I didn't want to say anything to upset Bella, but this is definitely going to raise some questions with the council."
"It's hardly their business," Carlisle responded. "It's certainly not in violation of the treaty. And if she's not to be changed, and not going to survive the cancer…it's not as though marrying a vampire is going to deprive her of future choices."
"No," Sue replied, "but if he's thinking of taking her away from her father's house—"
"There's no question of that," Carlisle said, flatly. "Honestly, I'm not sure they even intend to actually marry. I suppose it depends how her treatment goes. I think it's more a way of expressing their commitment, their attachment to each other."
Jasper looked at ring glinting on Bella's finger, where her hand rested above the covers. He allowed his mind to drift to their conversation on Saturday night, only vaguely conscious of Carlisle and Sue continuing to converse, knowing this was something Carlisle could easily handle.
"Jasper," Bella had begun, seeming shy all of a sudden. She was sitting on the edge of her bed fiddling with the hem of her shorts, and only flicking her eyes up to him briefly. "I wanted…That is, I told Renee, this afternoon, about—" Rather than complete the sentence, she pulled the engagement ring he had given her out from under the neckline of her t-shirt.
"I know," he told her, smiling. "I heard."
"I want to wear it," she said. "I want everyone to know."
"Are you sure?" He didn't want her to make herself uncomfortable just to satisfy his wishes. Then again, she'd already told Renee, who was much more supportive than either of them had expected.
"Yes," she assured him, smiling back at him now. "I'm certain. But—"
"Hmm?"
"I was thinking of waiting till tomorrow night. After the Clearwaters and Blacks leave I mean." She frowned. "It's not that I'm ashamed or anything," she hurried on. "I just—I want that one last meal to be peaceful, you know?"
Of course, he understood that. They had tried, once, to bring up the subject of her possible change with the wolves. Careful not to imply that they were intending to do it, Carlisle had simply mentioned it as a possibility—something they might consider offering her, if the treatment didn't go well, and were wondering how the wolves would view it.
Edward had previously heard some dissenting thoughts from a member of the pack who didn't seem to agree with the Quileute's position, although he'd heard it through Jacob's mind, when he was in wolf form, and wasn't sure who it had actually come from. The thought had been passing, but they'd decided to sound them out, as a group, while they were discussing how they would manage Bella and Charlie's protection.
The hope had been to assess which and how many wolves might consider siding with them—or at least, might provide some assistance in convincing the others. But whoever it was had apparently changed their mind, or wasn't at the meeting, as the reaction of horror seemed to be universal. In some cases, the very idea of Bella becoming a vampire was the central theme of their disgust, and in others it was more a fear of affecting the prophecy, but in no case was there doubt that preventing such an outcome was critical.
Jasper couldn't say he was surprised, even if he was disappointed. The wolves had only marginally begun to trust them, and had a natural and instinctual revulsion of their kind. In truth, humans usually had the same response, but theirs was covered, in part, by the vampire's ability to draw their prey in. On the wolves, that ability had no effect. Even without the prophecy they would probably all be horrified by the idea of someone they cared for being turned into a Cold One.
Obviously, wearing an engagement ring spoke to a stronger commitment between Jasper and his mate than the Cullens had yet expressed, although realistically, Bella telling her story to Jacob should have made that commitment clear. So it made sense to keep it from them until after this last party.
On Sunday night, after the Quileutes had left, Jasper had been elated to place his engagement ring back on his fiancée's finger, and held her hand—her other hand—proudly, as she'd shown it to her father.
"We will be married," he'd told her later. "I promise you that. One way or another, before or after your change, I will make you my wife. It's been 160 years coming, and I don't intend to wait too much longer!"
After Charlie came home, and Sue left, Bella woke up for a while and Jasper carried her downstairs to see her father, although she didn't stay there for long. The nausea had returned, and she was unable to keep anything down. He was relieved when Carlisle returned to give her another shot, and not long after that, she settled back into an uneasy sleep.
He sat beside her in the rocking chair all night, relishing the fact that she was, on the whole, resting more easily than she had the night before. He didn't touch her, not wanting to disturb her in any way, merely pulled the chair as close to the bed as he could and sat, unmoving, gazing at her. He would need to hunt soon, he knew. And he should also spend more time training his family, and the wolves if they would allow, to fight newborns. They had made a start the previous week, even the pack coming to watch one night, although always leaving some to guard the Swan house, of course.
But at the moment, he couldn't bear the thought of leaving her. Perhaps if she slept well tomorrow night, he would ask Alice to come sit with her for a few hours. She wouldn't be left without one of them close by, of that, he was decided.
Later that night, when Bella was sleeping deeply for the first time in three days, Jasper felt her emotions move into the more alert ones that indicated she was dreaming of her past. He'd been waking her, if he was around, every time that happened since her marriage. But now, she so needed the sleep, he decided to leave it unless her emotions became too distressed.
…
Isabella sat down, feeling dizzier than usual. She hadn't been able to force down any food that morning, for the third day in row, just some of the revolting chicory drink that had to pass for coffee, until the blockade lifted.
She was beginning to doubt she'd live to see that happen.
Maybe this is my body's way of rejecting this marriage, she thought, not for the first time. Or of rejecting my separation from Jasper. "Please God," she said out loud, "if I really am dying, if that's what's happening, please, please bring me back to Jasper." Her voice dropped to a whisper as she continued her prayer, "I know it's not being faithful to my husband, to ask for that. But how can I be faithful to him, when in my heart, I'll always be Jasper's? Please let me be with him again, God. Please!"
Oh, she thought. What about when he dies? Would she be bound to him forever by virtue of her vows? But it was only until death parted them, right? "Oh God," she groaned "I know it's wrong, but please don't hold me to that. He promised to love and cherish me, which is clearly not true. Jasper promised to love me forever, and I know the priest didn't bless that vow, but it was true. Surely that counts for something more?"
She felt so tired and weak. She knew she should get up, she needed to talk to Cook about the menu for dinner, but she just couldn't right now.
I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes, she thought.
…
Wednesday passed in much the same way as Tuesday, except that over the course of the day, Jasper felt Sue's uneasiness with him wane. He even thought he felt a measure of warmth from her at one point, when he was again coaxing Bella to eat some soup, though he couldn't be sure if the feeling encompassed them both and the moment they were sharing, or just Bella.
But Wednesday night, when Bella once again started vomiting before she could have another shot of the anti-nausea medication, Jasper's cell started ringing. He had just deposited Bella back into her bed, so he was able to pull his phone from his pocket to glance at it, while he held a glass of water to her lips.
Peter. What could he want? He hadn't heard from him since just after Texas, and now felt a sense of foreboding as he placed the glass on Bella's bedside table and clicked to answer the call.
"Jasper," Pete spoke without waiting for a greeting, as usual. "You've gotta get her off that medication."
"What? Why?" Jasper reached out for Bella's hand, as if simply holding her there could prevent anything untoward happening to her.
"It's attackin' her body," he said. "It's makin' her too weak. If she keeps taking it, she's gonna to end up dead."
"But Carlisle said she's—"
"I don't give a dried apple damn what he said, Jasper. Have I ever been wrong?"
"No," Jasper said slowly. "No, you haven't." He thought over all the other issues they were facing and added, "You know we've got a bit of a situation here with a vengeful psycho vampire, any information on that?"
"Nothing much," Peter admitted. "You know how my knower works. It doesn't give me as much to go on as your seer does, but what it does tell me is always right. I do think you're going to need us, though. Not yet, down the track a bit. But, Jasper, make her stop taking those tablets now, that part is clear and urgent. Charlotte wants to meet her—not to mention we both want to see you with your mate—but that's not going to happen if she gets any weaker."
"Should we—" He looked at Bella as he spoke, and had to force himself not to tighten his grip on her hand so much that he hurt her. He swallowed and started again. "Should we change her now? The house in Alaska is ready for us."
"No!" Pete's certainty about that was clear. "No, definitely not."
"Because she's too weak?" he asked, but then answered himself, "No, that doesn't make sense. Enough venom will bring someone back from the very edge of death."
"No, you're right, it's not that," Peter agreed.
"Then what?"
"I don't know, I just know, if you change her now, there's disaster down the track."
Once he was off the phone, Jasper drew Bella into his arms. He could feel her shaking slightly, though he couldn't be sure if it was fear, or just the combination of exhaustion and nausea reasserting itself.
"It's okay," he told her, rubbing gentle circles on her back. "It's going to be okay."
"What did he say?" she asked him, her voice wobbling slightly, as she pulled back to look at him. "You looked as though you wanted to grab me and run off right now!"
"Well, darlin'," he said, hoping to lighten the mood a little, "the good news is: no more chemo tablets for you!"
He explained the whole conversation to her—the half of it she hadn't heard, plus a bit more detail on Peter's talent than he had given her before—and her response surprised him. Well, not the part where she was relieved to stop the chemo already. She'd been entirely miserable for the past two days, with little relief in sight. So that wasn't a surprise. It was how calm she was about everything else, that had him a little shocked.
"Maybe you were right then," she said, when she'd thought about it for a while. "Maybe starting chemo before the thirteenth was a bad idea."
"You seem very calm." He looked at her, one eyebrow raised in question. She let him feel her emotions as he looked into her eyes, and smiled at him."
"Now I am. You had me panicking for a minute there, while you were on the phone," she said. "But I figure—if Peter says you won't need him for a while yet, everything should be okay, right? For now anyway. And he'll tell us if that timing changes. Between him and Alice, we should be okay."
"Hmm, I guess so." He hoped so. Though the fact that it took until now for Pete to call and tell him to get her off the chemo concerned him, if it was doing her so much harm. But maybe she just needed that little bit of cancer treatment, but no more. A delicate balance: just enough to keep her alive, not enough to kill her.
.
.
A/N
Thanks for reading and reviewing! I know updates have slowed down a lot, and I do understand those readers who have fallen away – hopefully they will come back and read when it's complete (which I estimate to be – sometime this year, LOL).
However, I do very much appreciate those of you who are still reading as I write, and especially if you leave me a little comment-love. It is for you, most of all, that I am trying to get further ahead in my draft, so the coming cliffhanger chapters don't have to get posted a month a part!
I'd love to hear your predictions of what's to come though. I can tell you now, all the worries people have expressed of what they think is coming - none of them are on target! :)
Recs
I have two for you this week, but before I give them – do you have any recs for me?
Especially WIPS being updated regularly? Preferably not AH, but I am open to any pairings. And (as you'll see from my first rec below), it doesn't have to be all vamp either – other supernatural themes welcome.
Also, I'd love more Jasper-Bella recs, but I am not really a fan of those that demonise the other Cullens or make Bella/Jasper all vengeful. I'll read them sometimes, and they *can* be done beautifully, but in general, they're not my thing. I feel like I have read every half decently written J/B fic on here, but maybe you have some recs from some other site that I don't frequent? I'm open to them too. Plus, I'm probably not up with all the WIPs out there…
Anyway, on with my recommendations for you. These are both Edward-Bella stories.
Firstly, one that's a little bit different (okay, quite a lot different) I really enjoyed this, but take note of that smut warning – there's a lot of it, so if that's not your thing, give it a miss:
Karma's A Witch by JacklynnFrost
"Witchling." My vampire hissed, his black eyes narrowed in hate and hunger. "What have you done to me?" I decided the truth in this instance is best in order to survive. "I might have accidentally... bound our souls, oops." / Bella, a witch, and Edward, a vampire, find themselves bound forever. Warning: love adventure, minor character death, dark themes. AU, Smut, mates, EDITED /s/8171149/1/Karma-s-A-Witch (complete)
How Do I Live? by Bethesda Gray
When Edward abandons Bella to discover a human life for herself, the resulting damage is something that neither of them could have imagined, and neither can heal alone. s/5735164/26/How-Do-I-Live (complete)
(October 2021 - as I type it's been a few months since I updated, but if you are reading this now, just so you know, I am still working on it, and plan to start publishing again when I have the rest all completed. It's not abandoned.)
