Author's note: Whew. This chapter was hands down one of the hardest chapters to write! Hopefully y'all don't hunt me down after all of this! Stalker- your lips are sealed. (She only knows bits and pieces of the next few chapters as she's pregnant and I don't want to be the cause of premature labor haha.) Enjoy...and remember I own none of this. Dick Wolf is a genius that needs to hire me.


Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change even if I tell you I won't go away today
Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
And all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary rest your head
I'm permanent

I know he's living in hell every single day
So I ask oh god is there some way for me to take his place
And when they say it's all touch and go I wish I could make it go away...
~David Cook~ Permanent


Will stood in silence, watching as Crockett scrubbed out, drying his hands.

" What did you say?" he asked again, following the surgeon out into the hallway.

" Jay's condition is extremely critical. I know you both are Catholic."

" So you called the chaplains? Are you even giving him a chance? Or are you just writing him off and letting him rot?" yelled Will, bringing the attention of Natalie, Sharon, and Dr. Charles who were just a few feet away.

" I…" Before Crockett could answer Will's question, he found himself getting sucker punched in the face, falling to the ground from the force.

" Will. Leave him be. Let's go upstairs and wait for them to bring Jay," reasoned Natalie. Anger surged through Will's body as he passed Marcel, still on the ground. He reluctantly took his wife's hand and headed for the elevators.


" You're bleeding," observed Dr. Charles as he helped Crockett up off the floor.

" I'll be fine. I need to go talk with Sergeant Voight," he replied, walking away.


As soon as Will and Natalie stepped off the elevator into the ICU, they spied both the hospital's chaplain and the police department's chaplain approached the two of them.

" Now isn't a good time gentlemen," Natalie said bluntly, guiding Will past them.

" Thanks," he whispered, heading for the patient elevators. Just when he thought he couldn't pace back and forth any longer, the elevator dinged and the doors opened. None of his years of being a doctor could prepare him for the sight in front of him. Then again, Will was positive that nothing could prepare him to see his brother in such a state. An ashen Jay lay motionless in the hospital bed, attached to every conceivable machine there was to be hooked up to, minus life support. Will slowly followed behind the team of nurses pushing the gurney, losing count of how many IV's he was hooked up to- a central line, an arterial line, and at least one other. He didn't even want to begin to imagine the incisions hidden by bandages under Jay's gown. Natalie felt her husband tense up beside her, coming to a dead stop outside Jay's ICU room.

" Are you okay?" she asked, feeling concerned. Will shook his head no.

What is it? Can I do anything?"

" Stay with him. I...I can't…" stuttered Will before turning and running for the elevators. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest as he gasped for air. As the elevator stopped on the fourth floor, Will knew instantaneously that he was going to vomit. Thankfully there was a trash can just outside of the chapel. When he was finished, he entered the empty, serene room. Instinctively Will lit a candle at the altar then collapsed into the closest pew, tears overflowing despite his eyes being closed as he begged God to save his brother. The last time he had been in this chapel was alongside Jay as their father lay dying upstairs.


His mind wandered to just a few days ago when he had shown up at the 21st district, announcing to Jay that he and Natalie were on their way to the courthouse to get married. Jay somehow flipped backwards in his chair out of disbelief, managing to do a backward roll of sorts before pulling himself to his feet. The rest of his fellow detectives couldn't stifle their laughter. Meanwhile, a bewildered Jay looked like a deer in headlights asking Will to repeat himself. After he realized Will wasn't joking, Jay had turned to Voight, speechless. The sergeant had given his blessings despite not knowing what to make of Will's declaration. Jay was quiet the whole ride to the courthouse, having assumed Will was joking until they walked into the chambers of the Justice of The Peace to find Natalie, Helen, and Owen waiting.

Will was so lost in his thoughts and emotions that he didn't notice the door quietly being opened as another person stepped into the chapel. It wasn't until the person sat down beside him and began quietly praying in another language did Will open his eyes, only to find Crockett sitting beside him.

" Since when do you speak French? At least I'm assuming that's French," he commented. Crockett didn't respond, instead continuing to pray. After making the sign of the cross, he turned to Will.

" Speaking French came in handy working in New Orleans."

" How did you find me?" Will asked quietly.

" Natalie told me you ran from the ICU. I put two and two together."

" I'm not sorry I hit you," admitted Will, glancing at the surgeon's bruised and still bloody cheek.

" Can we go somewhere to talk?"

" Only if you'll let me fix your face."

" I'm not so sure I want the guy who punched me sewing me back together," Crockett quipped.
" Before I came back home to Chicago, I was training to be a plastic surgeon. Tell me something though. Why were you just praying after telling me I should have last rites performed?"

" I'm not the most religious man, but I figure a little praying never hurt anyone."
" Full of surprises aren't you?" Will commented as they exited the chapel, heading for the elevator.

" So are you. I would have never pegged you for the plastic surgery type."


As they exited into the ED Will grabbed a suture kit, noticing the heavy police presence still in the waiting room. He followed Crockett into an exam room, shutting the door behind him.

" About Jay," Marcel started, laying back on the gurney while Will got all of the needed supplies in order.

" How bad are his injuries? Please. Don't bullshit me."

" Jay took two shots to the chest at close range. One bullet pierced his lung and got lodged in his rib cage before it could do more damage. The repair was pretty simple and he's got a chest tube on his right side. I'm not going to lie. That second shot nearly killed him. I was able to repair the extensive damage done to his liver, but the injury led to massive internal bleeding. Obviously Jay received blood in the OR and will be receiving blood and plasma transfusions in attempts to replace what was lost…"

" But you don't know if his body can recover from the trauma despite all interventions you've tried," interrupted Will, snapping on a pair of gloves.

" I'm sorry. I wish there was more I could do or say right now." Crockett winced as Will pulled away the bloodied gauze from his cheek. He felt his stomach drop at the news, pushing it temporarily out of his mind so he could focus on the task at hand.

" You've got a wicked left hook."

" Jay and I used to beat the shit out of each other as kids. Plus you deserved it," Will proclaimed.

Now stop talking or no amount of plastic surgery will make this scar look good."


After Will had carefully repaired the cut to Crockett's cheek, he found himself in the lounge, suddenly eager to change out of his scrubs. Once he had changed back into his street clothes, Will somehow found himself feeling just a little less stressed. Taking a deep breath he headed for the elevator. Deep down he was still struggling with seeing Jay and knowing just how critical his brother's condition was. As he reluctantly stepped into the ICU a familiar feeling of dread washed over him. Seeing Natalie still sitting vigilantly at Jay's bedside brought him comfort as he slid open the door, his hand trembling ever so slightly.

" Hey," he said quietly.

" I was getting worried about you. Are you okay?" Natalie asked.

" Not really, but given the circumstances, I think I'm doing all right just by being here I guess."

" Did you get a chance to talk with Crockett?"

" He found me in the chapel and actually wound up praying. Did you know he speaks fluent French?"

" He's actually translated for me a few times down in the ED," she explained, hesitating before she resumed talking.

So you know?"

" What? That my brother's life is hanging in the balance and it's an unfortunate but hard truth that he might die? Yeah. I know," Will responded, his voice shaking. Natalie stood and enveloped him in a tight, supporting hug.

" I love you so much Will. We're going to get through this together, no matter what." Will's words failed him, instead he hugged Natalie tighter, a single tear sliding down his cheek. They reluctantly separated, Will placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

" I love you more than you'll ever know."

" Do you want me to stay and sit with you? Everyone will understand if I do."

" No...no I think I need to be alone right now. I appreciate it though," he stated, giving her one last kiss before taking a seat at Jay's bedside.

" I'll be up as soon as my shift ends. Helen already knows what's going on so don't worry about Owen."

" Thank you," Will replied, watching longingly as Natalie walked out the door and towards the elevator.


With a shaky, deep breath, Will turned back towards Jay's bed, getting his first good look at his brother. Jay's skin was ghastly pale, a result of the amount of blood lost. The tubing from the ventilator snaked from his mouth, the machine's hissing imprinting itself into Will's brain. He reached for Jay's hand, careful not to disturb the multiple IV's. With an audible gasp, Will immediately dropped his brother's hand, taken aback at how cold it was. As a doctor, he knew that this was just another of many side effects due to the massive blood loss, yet Will found himself unable to process this fact. Instead he rested his arms on the side of the bed, his thoughts racing. Will laid his head down, shielding his face so he could conceal the tears he had been holding back. He knew how bad Jay's current vitals were in addition to the trauma inflicted on his body. How was this happening? How was his older brother dying right in front of his very eyes?