Chapter Four
Sick Day
Winter in London was different than winter in Washington. For one, the city looked grey, and while it wasn't particularly colder, Alice felt it lacked warmth compared to her old home. Besides, working indoors made her feel glum, never being the kind of person who enjoys working inside.
Back in school she had been a Thunderbird. True to her house, she craved adventure, excitement and to be constantly on the move.
It was weird to think back to her previous years, when she felt like life was one crazy adventure: sleeping under the stars that time a dragon burnt her tent to the ground; traveling the world without cares or consequences; feeling like she had purpose. The bruises, broken bones and even that one concussion had felt completely worth it.
The notion that someone's life could completely change in a matter of months was terrifying, and yet grimly fascinating. Alice's own certainties, plans and livelihood were completely takes away in such a short span.
While she had the ability to adjust fast to any situation, adapting was a different story. She had settled, for sure, but still she found that it would take way longer to adapt.
She was back to her own homeland now. Her parents were delighted to have the family together. The Fenwicks had made new friends, gotten back in touch with old ones, and easily made a home for themselves - despite the fact that they never stopped by for more than a week or two, which Alice found ironic.
Now her mom and dad were the ones out and about in crazy adventures, while she was stuck indoors and feeling out of place: not quite American, but not at all British. It made her wonder if this is how her parents felt when moving to America so many years before.
And there was the Sirius situation… by far the most interesting thing to have happened in a long while.
After their last exchange, Sirius and Alice wrote little else. She told him she wanted to find a way to send his locket back through the enchanted postbox. He insisted she kept it.
'I have that locket sitting in my Gringotts vault. Why would I need a second one?' he wrote, and she figured he had a point. It would be a strange time paradox for a rare object to coexist with itself.
Thus, Alice brought the beautiful necklace home and placed it inside of her trunk, where nobody would find it.
She quite enjoyed the feeling of having a secret; it made life less dull these days.
The last she heard from Sirius was when he let her know that indeed John Lennon had died. Even though he knew in advance, she thought it still came as a shock to the man.
They kept their healthy banter back and forth, until it came to a point where they had nothing left to tell each other without damaging Sirius' timeline. So their last exchange was nothing but superficial pleasantries, which left a strange longing and emptiness in her stomach - which just did not feel right.
Sirius and his notebook were a distraction, she often found herself reasoning. A convenient adventure: danger, mystery and excitement at the tip of her fingers.
But what else do you tell a complete stranger living twenty years behind?
Time slowly moved on and Alice dove into her real life, often telling herself to stop chasing ghosts.
She did not know Sirius fate, and it was for the best that she didn't find out - if he was dead now, how could she know and not tell?
And if he wasn't… An entire lifetime happens in twenty years, so what use would it be to seek him out now?
Even if he did survive both wars, the chances of him remembering a random event from twenty years prior were slim.
Back at Ilvermorny she had learned time was like a calm lake - when you dive in, you create ripples that expand farther than anyone can imagine. Any ill timed comment could disrupt reality as they knew it, and the whole thing could become very crazy very fast. The longer she went without writing, it dawned on her what the ramifications of her unnatural presence could be in his timeline.
'What if talking to him means the war will never end?' She wondered constantly.
Alice purposefully decided to focus on her work. Her reasoning being that exhaustion was better than overthinking and taking risks, and exhausted she was.
It was perfect: she was ahead of schedule on Grimmauld Place, and always way too tired to think about time travel, her parents or her divorce.
December started to fade; all thoughts of Sirius and the book shut behind an imaginary door.
She woke up on the twenty-fourth with a headache and feeling very cold. Getting out of bed was a struggle, but she forced herself up.
With a quick glance at her wardrobe mirror, she noted her shoulder-length dirty-blond hair was sticking up in all directions. Her olive eyes were darkened by heavy bags. All in all, she looked like hell, and quite honestly felt like it too.
The Fenwicks' home was a three floor stone house. On the first floor there was a living room and an open kitchen with large windows overseeing the front garden. From the kitchen one could see the staircase landing and living room. On the second floor, there were three rooms: Alice's, Jamie's and the master bedroom. On the third floor there was a sitting room with large windows, covered in shelves that were packed with all kinds of books.
Alice went downstairs softly and put the kettle on the fire, thinking about a nice cup of coffee. She sat down by the window and had a long staring contest with the large oak tree outside, her mind blank and hazy.
Peaceful. Perfect. She picked up an apple and nibbled quietly.
It rained outside; the oak leaves swished softly. She could easily hear the wind whistling beyond the insulation spells. It reminded her of a morning in Romania when she recovered from a bad splinching, and she only had the strength to sit by the crooked window at the old cabin, overlooking the hills below.
Alec, her ex-husband - but her not-boyfriend then -, stared at her thoughtfully. Hours later he would be gone, nowhere to be found, and she would make her way downhill and into the village to gather supplies, only to find herself in the middle of a bar fight she had no business being involved with in the first place. The thought of that day brought a smile to her face.
She took a bite off her apple, when a loud thud upstairs caught her attention. Expecting to find Jamie's sleepy form at the landing, she lazily turned her head. Except, it was not her brother, but a woman that Alice had never seen - young looking, tanned skin, dark hair that looked half wet from the shower, light blue cloak, and big eyes staring in shock, as Alice gaped. The loud noise was probably the woman's shoes that she had dropped when faced with Alice's unexpected presence.
"Good morning?!," Alice greeted weakly.
"M-morning," The strange said with eyes wide.
They both stared, not knowing what else to say. The awkwardness was interrupted, however, by the kettle whistling.
Right on time!
"Care for some coffee?" She offered, and then added as an afterthought with a teasing smile, "Or are you a proper Brit?"
This seemed to break the tension, and the younger woman smiled awkwardly, "Thank you… I was just l-leaving."
"Are you sure?" Alice raised an eyebrow, "My brother won't be up for another hour at least. Plenty of time for a cuppa and a swift escape."
The stranger laughed weakly, and walked uncertainly over to the kitchen. Alice waved her wand lazily, and the coffee started making itself.
"I d-didn't mean t-to... disturb," The younger woman cleared her throat awkwardly, and held out her hand, "Lila Murphy. James'... friend."
"Alice Fenwick. Jamie's sister," She smiled knowingly and shook the girl's hand.
"So, Lila Murphy. What will it be?"
"I could use some coffee, if it's not a bother" Lila grinned timidly.
Alice nodded at the chair in front of her, and they sat in silence for a couple of minutes as the coffee made itself. Lila had her eyes focused on the table. At last, the brunette broke the silence:
"It's not like that, you know?" She blurted out, still staring at the table and Alice looked up questioningly, "I wasn't… you know… escaping."
"Been there, done that..." Alice smirked behind her mug, "No judgments here."
"I wasn't!" Lila insisted, "It's just that I have a shift at Mungus in less than an hour… I can't be late."
Alice nodded and poured two cups of coffee with a few more waves of her wand. She yawned and with three sharp flicks, sugar and milk flew onto the table, "I'm flooing to work in London soon. You can tag along, if you'd like."
"It's alright… I'll apparate." Lila said, watching in amazement as Alice flew milk and sugar into her cup, and the coffee spoon spun inside, "Wish I knew how to do these spells. I always spill."
"They're not too hard. You can find them in housekeeping books," Alice told her, "Jamie could lend you a couple, if you'd like."
They sat in a rather comfortable silence. Alice warmed her hands on her mug, while Lila stared at her in curiosity.
"I know it's none of my business, but you don't look so well," The younger woman commented eagerly.
"I'm fine," Alice shrugged.
"I can examine you, if you want to," Lila offered with a hopeful look, before babbling, "I mean… To give you an overview that is. You'd have to see a fully certified healer for something complex. I mean, I'm a healer in training, so I do know what I'm doing, but-... well, you know."
Alice held back her laugh, and grimaced as her head hurt, Lila snorted, as if to make a point. When her head stopped aching she stared at Lila for a few seconds, assessing if she could trust the young woman with a wand. Then she finally nodded, and the girl performed a few diagnostic spells on her.
"It looks like an allergic reaction," Lila stated.
"Mm, makes sense," Alice mumbled and sipped her coffee, "I'm allergic to doxies. Been working on a house with a bad infestation."
"You're also fatigued," Lila pressed, "Have you been getting enough sleep?"
"I'm good with four hours a night, but Jamie says it isn't enough?" Alice smiled weakly.
"I don't mean to overstep, but… He has a point, you know?" Lila smiled.
"So that's how you and Jamie know each other then? From healer training?" Alice deflected.
If there was one thing she had learned from her brother was that nothing could change a subject more easily than asking about training.
Lila grinned excitedly, "We've met at Hogwarts, actually. Now we're training together."
When Alice's parents moved to Britain two years prior, her brother was still in school. Unlike Alice he hadn't adapted well to Ilvermorny, and didn't have many friends back home. Some kids even made fun of him for his accent, not quite American, and not quite British. It was refreshing for him to be able to transfer and finish school at Hogwarts. He became a novelty, quite popular very quickly.
Before she could say anything else, the kitchen window shone as a silvery raven Patronus flew into the second floor window, followed closely by hurried footsteps running on the floor above.
"That will be Jamie," Alice noted, raising her cup of coffee and nodding at the stairs.
"I was hoping he would sleep in," Lila sighed, and laughed at Alice's raised eyebrow, "Not for a swift escape… It's just that this is supposed to be his day off, and his supervisor overworks him an awful lot."
"No kidding. We live in the same house and I never see him," Alice agreed, and Lila blushed a little.
Soon enough, Alice's brother ran downstairs and startled midway through tidying up his hair with his fingers to find Lila and his sister sitting at the kitchen table.
"Breakfast," Alice told him, giving her best big sister glare as if daring him to deny it. He slowly sat down beside Lila, whispering a 'Morning', and kissing her cheek.
Her brother was tall and lean. His hair was a coppery tone that Alice had always been jealous of, and he had their mom's blue eyes, with their father's straight nose.
"You look like crap, Lis," Jamie said nonchalantly as he poured himself coffee and started frying some eggs, "Want me to check you up?"
"Lila beat you to it, I'm afraid," She smiled, "Allergy and fatigue."
"Take today off," Jamie said, "You've barely had any breaks since you got here."
"You should talk," Alice raised an eyebrow.
"I take sleep breaks at Mungo's," He said matter-of-factly in defiance.
"That's not good for your health," Lila piped in, looking less intimidated now that Jamie was there.
"It's fine! Quit your fussing," Alice sipped her coffee, "I'll just pop a pain potion, and will be good as new. You'll see."
Jamie raised an eyebrow and waved his wand a couple of times, to his sister's despair. Alice felt a shiver run down her face and neck, and a dark pink light appeared around her.
"You're staying in," He said, "Healer's orders."
"It's Christmas Eve," She argued, "I want to get some work done before the holidays!"
"You can't work on that bloody house if you're dead," Jamie mumbled with his mouth full, somehow still managing to look collected and sophisticated, "And… It is the holidays."
She sighed miserably and summoned parchment and a quill. After writing a note, she handed her brother the parchment.
"Owl Harry for me when you get to work?"
"You should get an owl," Jamie said, storing her letter in his coat pocket, with a soft tap, "I'll bring some allergy potions later. I'm going in to check on a patient, and will be back at night."
"I'll manage," She rolled her eyes at her brother.
The couple of healer trainees finished eating, and Alice stood up.
"James, a word, please?" She asked kindly.
The siblings had a good relationship. Alice called him 'Jamie' most of the time, and he called her 'Lis', because when he was a toddler he couldn't quite say 'Alice'. When either of them called the other by their actual name, it meant it was serious.
Jamie and Alice went upstairs, and she cast a muffling spell so Lila wouldn't overhear them.
"Lila is nice," She stated blankly.
"Sorry Lis," He said awkwardly.
"Look… My head is pounding, so please just let me say it all in one go, yeah?"
Her brother nodded awkwardly.
"I'm happy you're seeing someone," She smiled and squeezed her brother's shoulder, "You had a crappy time back at Ilvermorny, and we worried. And I can tell you like each other… So I am glad."
"But you know better, love. I know you're an adult now. I know you're not the kind of guy who will have a parade of girls here every night. I trust you, but you're still eighteen, and living at mom and dad's… You know how they are with these things, and even though they're away, this is still their home. So don't put me in the position of upholding their house rules in their absence again, alright? I don't like it, you don't like it and you do know better than this."
Jamie scoffed, but nodded.
"I mean... Let's think for a sec here, ok? Don't give me that look! It's Christmas Eve, they could show up here any minute!" Alice was looking him in the eyes, and it looked as if the thought hadn't crossed his mind "What if it was mom sitting at the kitchen table instead of me?"
"I would never hear the end of it, yeah" He conceded.
"Exactly!"
"We were studying last night, and… Well, we sort of got carried away," Jamie said, "I'm sorry Lis."
"It's alright," She smiled at him, and he looked embarrassed, "Go on, she has to be at the hospital in ten minutes."
Jamie smirked and kissed her cheek. Alice went straight to bed.
Sirius Black felt like shit.
His arm was broken, his tattoo was ruined, and somehow the bloody Death Eaters had managed to break his bike. Terrible raid.
Once again the Order ran on false leads. Again they walked into a trap.
There were no casualties on their side, but Sirius was unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of a number of slicing hexes and blasting curses. One of them grazed his left arm and shattered the bone, knocking him against a wall. He fainted on impact. He was told later, his lung had collapsed. Remus and Gideon Prewett dragged him away before the Death Eaters could get to him.
Lily - of all people - fixed his arm because Pomfrey was helping someone else. He was later sent to Mungo's, where a healer fixed him up.
When he finally regained consciousness, Benji Fenwick stood guard by his side. He proceeded to usher him out of the bed and into Muggle London.
"It's not safe for us to be in hospital, mate," He whispered, helping him up, "Good man! Now get your wand. Here, good. Now put on some clothes,"
Sirius still felt quite dizzy as he did as the man told him. Less than five minutes later they were outside, and he was apparated to his apartment, which felt unreal.
He found that his mind raced uncontrollably. First: who was this secret informant Dumbledore would never name? People had been muttering under their breaths about the possibility of a spy amongst them.
Could that be true? If so, who?
Remus was behaving coldly towards him. Sirius remembered hearing hushed voices when he was in and out of conscience.
"Did you notice," Remus had said, "That there were no death curses cast his way?"
Whoever it was he spoke to - probably Benjy - told Remus it meant nothing, and to focus. Sirius promptly passed out in between their conversation.
Now he found himself home alone, lying on his bed shirtless, still in last night's pants.
His cloak was discarded carelessly on the floor, shirt nowhere to be seen. His dark hair fell into disheveled waves below his ear, and he knew that at some point he would have to shower.
He felt angry, confused and in a great deal of pain. Lily did a fine job of re-growing the bones in his arm. Whoever saw him at Mungo's did a fine job closing up his cuts too (and with the lung), but the pain was very much still there.
His head hurt with questions and bitter feelings that wouldn't let him sleep, but at the forefront, one particular doubt lingered: How much longer would it take?
He rolled on his right side, clutching his bandaged left elbow with his right hand, when he felt something hard under his pillow. He stretched his right hand and pulled the journal from under his pillow.
'Alice,' he thought, 'You would know the answer, wouldn't you?'
Could he ask her that? Would it be dangerous?
Sirius grinned at himself… If he was quite honest, he had never been one to care for risks.
He carefully worded his writing.
'Dear Alice,
Forgive me, but I find myself under obscene amounts of pain potions, so it seems like a splendid idea to ask…
Will the war ever end?
I get the feeling that you live in a safer time. You don't seem worried about shields, protective spells and war paranoia. It is a guess, of course.
But right now, I need to know that twenty years from now at least, I will have fought for something.
Sirius'
Sirius sighed and took a few deep breaths, intending to ease the lingering pain on his shoulders.
Words appeared very slowly on the pages, as if Alice felt unsure of what she was writing.
'Sirius,
You know as well as I do how dangerous these questions are.'
Here she hesitated, and Sirius feared she wouldn't continue.
'But maybe… if I do not go into specifics…'
Yes! He thought.
We're at peace today, yes.
It came at great cost, one that I don't quite comprehend myself, being raised in America.
Hope this is enough.'
Sirius smiled beyond himself. She didn't give him what he hoped for, but still she gave him hope. And maybe, for now, that was all he needed.
'Are you alright?' She asked.
Was he alright?
He was alive…
'I am-' he wrote, but did not know what else to say. Sirius Black had been a smooth talker all his life, but he found it quite difficult to be open and honest about such things as feelings, or when it came to his own well-being.
He thought back to the beginning of the war, to the people he'd met, the people he'd lost and the people he'd saved, and suddenly he just couldn't hold back anymore. So he wrote.
'I joined the war effort right out of school, fortunate enough to receive a large sum of money from my Uncle.
If I'm honest, I felt lost career-wise, but I was very sure about the fighting.
Before joining, our fearless leader sat me down for a talk: he went on and on about the hardships, the pain.
He warned me of the price to be paid for choosing this. And he asked multiple times if I was sure.
I half-listened. Then I gave this speech about not being like my relatives (a topic for another day). Felt right, but it was a big adventure at first. Fight the good fight. Defeat evil. Prove everyone wrong.
Only, I hadn't counted on victory taking so bloody long. Now, four years later disappearances and deaths are the new normal, and we're desensitized to it all.
We shrugh the bad news off and fight for a future where blood prejudices don't matter.
I don't need reminders of the reasons I fight for, but lately I find myself making up reasons why my friends shouldn't.
Do you know why, Alice?
Because so far, my best friends and I have been lucky. We've dodged too many killing curses, and I feel it's only a matter of time until they finally find one of us. We are in this safe utopia where everyone around us dies but we don't. It's too good to be true, and it can't last.
A future where the details of a war simply don't matter anymore to a young woman is exactly the kind of future I want to fight for.'
Alice wrote, in a handwriting Sirius could only define as angry:
"I wasn't raised in America for fun, Sirius! My mom is a muggle born witch married to a pureblood wizard. While I was fortunate enough to be taken out of harm's way, I've been there to see what it does to people. Even from a distance, we've lost people too!
I do care about your war. It's the reason I had to leave my home in the first place! I did not fight it, but it is my war.'
"I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to imply what I did. I am just glad this won't be in vain."
"It won't. I promise you."
Sirius shook his quill carelessly, wondering how to go about asking his next question.
"I have one more question," He wrote.
"Shoot," She replied.
"Have you found me? Or anything about what happens to me?" He found himself saying out loud, as he wrote.
'No. I just…' she scratched it, 'It's easier if I don't know.'
'Are you not even a little bit curious?' He asked her, a small smile on his face. In his mind, he tried to picture what she looked like, and what her reactions would be, what her voice sounded like.
'Always. But I think we're both better off not knowing anything about your future,' She wrote.
'So the universe doesn't implode…' He wrote neatly.
'So the universe doesn't implode…' She agreed.
Sirius tried picturing her features, but realized he had no idea what this strange woman looked like.
He was lost in his thoughts for a few minutes, and when he stared back at the notebook on his lap there was a new sentence.
'Not busy today?'
He wrote back: 'Broken shoulder. Confined to my bed. You?"
'I'm allergic to doxies and your house is full of them… What happened?'
'Blasting curse, cutting hex… The works.'
'I bet it hurts. I splinched my shoulder a few years ago… Hurt to breath. Hurt even harder to fight.'
'How come you had to fight with a splinched shoulder?'
'Long story short: I was in Romania on a curse-breaking contract - it's what I used to do, I was a curse breaker. My ex-husband went missing, and I found him in the middle of a bar fight.'
Sirius caught himself laughing. He had underestimated her, for sure.
'Sounds like fun,' He wrote, a soft smirk playing on his lips.
'It was scary. Remind me to tell you the full story one day.'
'Deal.'
Alice was sitting in bed, smiling to herself, when a knock startled her.
"Come in," She called out.
Jamie tentatively opened the bedroom door, shaking a vial of blue potion slowly. He had a sour look on his face, but smiled kindly when they made eye contact. She laughed at him, because it was a very healer-like gesture that he picked up at the hospital. It meant he had bad news but was trying to dissipate any tensions before delivering them.
"Mistah Healaah!" She gasped at her brother with an exaggerated british accent and a mean smirk, "Will I live?"
"You're funny," He said with a straight face, "Mum flooed. Dad hurt his back, and they decided to stay in Ireland for the holidays."
"So we go to them?" Alice asked with a frown.
"They have plans," Jamie stated flatly.
"But it's Christmas!" Alice raised her eyebrows, "When I was gone they always gave me shit about not being home for Christmas."
Jamie looked sheepish, and she narrowed her eyes at him.
"You got the Christmas shift at Mungus, didn't you?"
He bit his lower lip and slightly tilted his head. Alice threw a pillow at him, which he caught effortlessly, still looking guilty.
"Er, there's more," he unfolded a letter from his pocket, and handed it to her, "I was in ortho rotation and Ginny Weasley threw her shoulder in practice. You're invited for Christmas with the Weasleys."
Alice groaned and glared murderously at her brother, "Jamie!"
"I'm sorry. We talked and I blabbed. Said you'd be alone for the holidays... You know, she's really nice, I couldn't help it!"
"Merlin, James! They're clients! Dinner is fine, but Christmas?"
"I know. I'm sorry…" He said, "but really, is it so terrible to make new friends?
Alice threw another pillow at him, and sank on her bed with Ginny's invitation in hand. Jamie took it as his cue to leave, placing her pillows back in front of her, at the bed.
Ginny wrote that if Alice felt better by nighttime, she would be more than welcome to join the Weasley's for Christmas Eve dinner.
Alice did feel better, but the whole thing was very awkward. Without replying, she pulled back Sirius' journal, asking him what his plans were, absent-mindedly.
'I'll be with the Potter's,'he wrote, 'a couple of friends and their new baby. Then I'll get blackout drunk and stumble inside.
What are your plans?
-S'
Alice smiled. That would be Harry, of course.
'I looked forward to a quiet family dinner, but my parents aren't coming, and my brother has healer rotations. On Christmas Eve, of all days!
-A'
'You've met my mother's portrait… I never looked forward to family dinners.
No friends to crash with?
-S'
'My best friend is engaged to my ex-husband. Not exactly an option.
But… the Potters did invite me this year.
-A'
Alice immediately regretted writing it. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
To him, the Potters were probably Harry's deceased parents - that were alive and well in his time. It hadn't occurred to her how close he was to them, but of course … If she was working on his family home, which had been left for Harry by his godfather, that meant Sirius had to be Harry's godfather.
So, if Sirius left his godson his house, did that mean…?
No!
NO!
She gaped in horror at the journal, where words started to appear quite quickly.
'I always spend Christmas with the Potters! If we're lucky, you'll get to meet me after all!
-S'
"There's no such thing as luck, when it comes to time, is there?" She muttered.
'Maybe,' She wrote.
'I guess I have somewhere to be after all…
-A'
