Chapter 9

It had been around a half hour since the tree lighting had occurred. All of the adults had fled the cold winter air for the comfort of their homes, while all of their children remained outdoors enjoying themselves. The tree lighting had garnered much more neighborhood attention than anticipated; due to the display being visible from the business district, the cul-de-sac attracted the attention of a local news station, who promptly sent out a reporter to document the display. The inhabitants of the cul-de-sac were featured that night on the six o'clock news. Various shots of their lit homes were put on display. In addition, the news featured interviews with a few of the adults and kids, including Ed, Eddy and May.

Kevin, Rolf, Ed, Eddy and May were currently in the middle of the street, tossing a football back and forth as Jonny (along with Plank) sat on the curb watching. Nazz had taken a seat across the street, painting her nails in Christmas colors as she observed the football toss. Lee had also taken a seat on the curb, her arms in a folded position and her legs crossed. Jimmy and Sarah were currently taking turns descending the inflatable slide in front of Ed's house.

Further down the street, Double Dee stood hand in hand with Marie, admiring the tree.

"What a day," said Double Dee, "This is truly the most amazing holiday display I have ever laid eyes on."

Double Dee looked towards Marie as he continued.

"And what makes this even more special, is that it was literally built by the love shared between the entire cul-de-sac. It brings me great joy to see our family and friends working together in the interest of celebrating the holiday season."

"Yeah," said Marie, "You don't know how much it means to me. I never thought my family would ever have a Christmas where my Mom and Dad would be together and we'd be able to share it as a whole family. But look at us now."

Double Dee and Marie shared a smile, after which they turned their attention back to the tree. At this point, Jimmy had taken notice of Edd and Marie, and decided to join them. He slid down the slide, and promptly skipped towards the couple. Of course, Ed's fiery red headed sister, wearing a blue sweater and matching hat, was not far behind.

"What joy," said Jimmy, "Santa is sure to see our house with the bright lights of this tree, laughing haughtily as he flies overhead in his sleigh!"

Marie smiled as she listened to Jimmy's excited banter. Jimmy and Sarah, being nine years old, still deeply believed in Santa Claus and were very excited about the approaching holiday. Marie decided to continue the conversation.

"So Jimmy," said Marie with a smile, "What did you ask Santa for this year?"

"I'm asking Santa for some brand new hair gel, guaranteed to keep my curls moisturized and bouncy, and a new EZ cook oven so I can practice making cookies myself instead of relying on my mother!"

"Yeah," said Sarah with a sarcastic look, "He needs a new one since my idiot brother and his loud mouthed friend wrecked the old one!"

Sarah shot Eddy an angry grin as she completed her previous sentence, after which she folded her arms and returned her attention to back to the tree. Marie took notice of her grouchy stare and attempted to engage her in conversation.

"How about you Sarah, what do you want Santa to bring you?" asked Marie.

Sarah delivered a snobbish stare prior to replying.

"Wouldn't you like to know." said Sarah in a sarcastic tone.

Marie was somewhat taken aback at Sarah's response, at which point Jimmy intervened.

"C'mon Sarah," said Jimmy, "I know you are crushing on Double Dee, but there's no reason to take your frustration out on Marie, especially during the holiday season."

"Jimmy!" yelled Sarah, at which point her face turned beet red.

"Oopsie," said Jimmy, "Sorry girlfriend."

Sarah still harbored a crush on Double Dee. That being said, she still behaved quite antagonistic towards Marie for dating her object of affection. Marie giggled slightly, after which she turned to Double Dee with a grin on her face. Double Dee cracked a smile, his face blushing slightly, as he shrugged his shoulders.

At that point, Jimmy kneeled down on the ground and removed a rather thick book from his sweater. The book was brown in color and was labeled in big red letters "Christmas Memories". He opened the book to the first page.

"There is nothing I enjoy more than the holiday season." said Jimmy, "This is my arts-and-crafts book. Every year my mother and I work on holiday crafts together."

Jimmy turned the page to reveal a drawing of Santa Claus, flying over Peach Creek in his sleigh. While the drawing consisted primarily of scribbles and was not colored within the lines, one could clearly make out the intent.

"This was from Christmas Eve when I was two." said Jimmy.

Jimmy paged through the book, stopping at a page containing two photographs of he and Sarah.

"Not only is this book handy for remembering holiday cheer, but it also lets us look back on our holiday fashion choices." said Jimmy, after which he pointed toward the photograph.

"As you can see, Sarah is looking marvelous as always, however clearly I did not think before I wore those horrendous shoes at the time of this photograph."

At this point, Jimmy's walk down memory lane happened to gain the attention of the remainder of the children. The boys and May ceased tossing the football and began making their way toward the tree. In addition Lee, Nazz and Jonny joined as well.

Jimmy turned the page, revealing more photographs.

"Here is a photograph of our greatest holiday masterpiece yet!" said Jimmy "This is the Holly Jolly Gingerbread Village I created last year. Each gingerbread sailor was meticulously crafted with love. Unfortunately it met it's untimely demise due to a "divine" intervention."

Jimmy turned and stuck his tongue out at Eddy. At the same time Sarah delivered the stout Ed boy an extremely nasty stare. Eddy's face remained neutral as Lee playfully punched him in the arm.

"Damn Eddy," said Lee, "No wonder this place hated ya back then, that's twice you screwed this kid over."

"Hey, what the hell," said Eddy, "I said his cookies were good and he still got mad at me, what was I supposed to do?"

Everyone shared a laugh, including Jimmy, who opted to let by-gones-be-by-gones. Sarah, however was still less than amused at Eddy's destruction of Jimmy's masterpiece, even though a years time had passed.

As the laughter died down, Rolf decided to chime in.

"All of this humblebub and merriment reminds Rolf of the joyful time shared amongst his family during the holiday in the old country." said Rolf, "Rolf too wishes to share his fond memories."

Rolf turned around and began making his way toward his residence.

"I shall retrieve the book of many holidays past from Papas memory chest. Rolf will also bring an offering of the precursor to the great feast that Nana has prepared earlier in the evening. I will return shortly, you will not be disappointed!"

Rolf darted across his lawn, opened the front door to his home and disappeared inside, leaving the rest of the cul-de-sac slightly confused. After a few seconds, Jimmy returned his attention to his book, and turned to the next page.

"Alas, we arrive at this years masterpiece." said Jimmy.

On the page was a long list of kitchen ingredients. Next to the list was a large drawing of Santa Claus, carrying a red bag full of toys. The page apparently documented plans for a giant, highly detailed cake in the likeness of the jolly, corpulent man.

"Mother and I have planned this for months." said Jimmy with excitement. He placed his arm around Sarah, embracing his best friend, "And with my Sarah by my side, I know that we can finish it in time for Christmas and share it with all of our friends."

"Jimmy!" said Sarah as she hugged her friend back, "Of course we can!"

The remainder of the cul-de-sac observed Jimmy and Sarah's interactions with a smile. Even the somewhat cynical Lee Kanker and Kevin couldn't help but crack smiles at the childhood innocence being displayed by the 'squirts'.

Jimmy pulled away from Sarah, after which he clasped his hands as he performed a pirouette out of excitement.

"Oh how I just love Christmas!" said Jimmy, "The magic and ambience are incomparable to anything else in this world. And come December twenty fourth, Jolly Old Saint Nick will make his trip around the world, delivering presents to all of the boys and girls. I simply can't wait."

Jimmy had barely finished his sentence, as a feminine voice filled the air from behind.

"Yeah right, like seriously you're bragging about believing in Santa out in public?"

The shrill sarcastic voice seemed to pierce through the air and, in response, the entire group turned their attention to the area behind them. All three Kanker sisters seemed to suddenly tense up at the of the voice; Lee in particular seemed affected the most, as she turned around to face the source of the voice.

Standing before the group was none other than Lindsay Statorowski. Lindsay wore her typical outfit of choice, however due to the cold, she donned a set of blue earmuffs, as well as a set of designer winter gloves the color of which matched the color of her earmuffs. She stood leaning on the street light post, with a sarcastic grin on her face.

"Oh good." said Eddy in a long drawn out tone under his breath, after which he groaned.

The boisterous Lee was of course the first to speak up in protest of her arch-rival's appearance.

"Wow Lindsay," said Lee, "You actually stepped foot on pavement belonging to Rethink Avenue. I thought you were too good to be seen around here, I'm surprised you aren't melting."

"Ha ha," said Lindsay sarcastically as she began walking towards Lee, her heels clicking on the ground as she intentionally flaunted her hips. Her eyes turned towards the Christmas tree.

"I couldn't help but notice this tree glowing like the sun from my house," said Lindsay, after which she pointed toward May, "Then I saw Braceface, her caveman of a boyfriend, and your little midget on television getting interviewed on the news, so I decided to come over and congratulate you all for moving up in the world...and congratulate Annamae for not breaking the camera."

May appeared disheartened at Lindsay's comment regarding her braces. At the same time Eddy's face turned bright red in fury at Lindsay's previous comment regarding his height, as any such comments automatically sent Eddy into a frenzy.

Eddy opened his mouth to retort, but he was immediately silenced by Lee, who had decided that she would be the one to make a comeback towards Lindsay.

"What's wrong Lindsay?" asked Lee, "What are ya, jealous that we got fifteen minutes of fame for our awesome Christmas display?"

"Oh please," said Lindsay, "Why would I be jealous of your tree. Your street had to band together to pay for it and go through the trouble of putting it up. My family a tree this size all to ourselves standing in our foyer, and we had the money to pay for it to be decorated."

Lindsay snickered.

"Wow," said Lee, "That's sounds really enjoyable, what does your family hate each other so much that they don't even want to spend time decorating for Christmas together?"

Lee snickered, after which she sarcastically delivered her final comment.

"Where's your holiday spirit?"

Lee's words seemed to touch a nerve with Lindsay, as an angry glare appeared on her face.

"Holiday spirit?" yelled Lindsay, after which she began walking towards Jimmy. She snatched Jimmy's journal out of his hand.

"Hey!" yelled Jimmy.

Sarah growled furiously as her face turned red out of anger, her anger being directed at Lindsay just as it was with anyone that chose Jimmy as a target for bullying. Just as she was about to pounce at Lindsay, she was suddenly restrained by Marie. Marie was quite surprised with how much strength it took to hold Sarah back, but eventually, using her martial arts teachings, she was able to restrain Sarah. She positioned Sarah as to look her directly in the eye.

"No," said Marie, "Lee has this under control. Lee will not let anything bad happen to that book, trust me."

Sarah, while still aggravated, calmed down slightly and turned her attention back to Lindsay.

Lindsay skimmed through the pages of Jimmy's book laughing sarcastically.

"This is what you mean by holiday spirit?" said Lindsay, "How cute, baking cookies, and staying up late waiting for Santa Claus. I can't believe that you two actually still believe in Santa, I mean come on a fat slob flying around the world delivering presents all one night, how pathetic!"

Jimmy's lower lip began to quiver as if he was about to cry, as the rest of the cul-de-sac remained silent.

"Lindsay," said Lee rather sternly, "Whatever beef we have is one thing, but you would be smart to leave the little kids out of this."

"Oh I'm sorry," said Lindsay, "Did I crush someone's dreams? I am only being honest and trying to help these kids not make fools of themselves by believing in childish lie..."

Lindsay could not finish her sentence prior to being silenced by Lee.

"Give the fucking book back right now!" yelled Lee at the top of her lungs, as she held her fist up to Lindsay's face.

The entire cul-de-sac winced in fear at the sound of Lee's words, which seemed to place everyone in a visible catatonic state. For a few brief seconds, the cul-de-sac was completely devoid of any sound as everyone stood completely still, started by Lee's sudden outburst.

Lindsay stared at Lee for a split second, legitimately shocked as well, after which she regained her composure.

"Whatever," said Lindsay sarcastically. She proceeded to reach both of her hands out in front of her, using them to drop the book onto the ground in front of Jimmy. Jimmy promptly swept the book off of the ground.

"My memories!" said Jimmy as he cradled the journal in his arms. Immediately, Sarah ran to his side, comforting her best friend by placing her arms around him.

"It's not like I need to prove my point," said Lindsay, "You're all equally pathetic."

Lindsay began to pace back and forth.

"By the way Geek Girl," said Lindsay, "Have you heard about the winter talent contest?"

"No, I haven't." said Lee in an annoyed tone, "Why don't you fill me in Little Miss Diva."

"Not like it's even worth mentioning to you," said Lindsay, "But the school is having a talent show next Wednesday. I figured it would be a perfect way for me to seal the deal and show the class that I'm definitely queen."

"And what makes you think that I can't win this talent contest?" asked Lee

"Oh Hun, the only talents you have are being an aggressive Neanderthal and a geek!" said Lindsay, after which she laughed.

"Well guess what?" said Lee, "You just convinced me to enter the talent show. And I'm going to win!"

"Wow," said Lindsay, " I guess I am very persuasive. Now the only thing left to do is to wait to see what you losers can come up with by Wednesday. Oh, and try not to embarrass yourself too much, although you really don't have that far to fall."

Lindsay laughed as she began walking away from the group.

"BuBye now!" said Lindsay. She proceeded to make her way down the sidewalk, as she cackled in the manner of a witch, once again leaving Lee in an irritated state.

Lee remained motionless, her fists clenched by her sides, as she watched Lindsay make her way down the street. Nazz was the first to break the silence within the group.

"Ugh, Lindsay Statorowski," said Nazz, "It feels like all of the fun has been sucked out of cheerleading since she joined. She used her money to buy all of the girls support, and now she's captain of the team. It's a nightmare."

"How awful," said Jimmy in a panic as he watched Lindsay make her way down her sidewalk, "Such perfect waves, obviously sculpted by a stylist that knows their craft, wasted on a horrible attitude."

"C'mon Jimmy," said Sarah, "Who needs her anyway? Let's go inside and get started on planning our cake."

Sarah helped Jimmy up off of the ground, took his hand and began leading him towards his house.

As the remainder of the group listened to Nazz tell more horror stories about Lindsay, the blonde haired brat was currently making her way past Rolf's residence. At the same time, Rolf had re-emerged from his humble home, his book of family traditions wedged under his arm, as he carried a large dish containing Nana's concoction for his friends to try.

Rolf had barely taken two steps, when he suddenly froze in place. His eyes widened, and his jaw became heavy as he focused on one particular individual; Lindsay Statorowski.

Rolf's eyes remained focused on Lindsay as she walked by, in what seemed like slow motion. Rolf's altered version of reality caused her blonde hair to bounce up and down as she walked, and her face to display a sultry smile. Additionally, in his reality, he saw her eyelashes much longer and exaggerated; he envisioned her training her eyes toward him slowly, as she blinked, batting them softly upon locking them with his own.

Of course, all of this occurred within seconds, and none of the actions that occurred within Rolf's psyche actually happened in reality. Lindsay strutted her stuff all the way to the end of the cul-de-sac, Rolf's eyes tracking her all the way, and turned the corner onto the cross street.

Due to Rolf being distracted, he had not realized that he was losing his grip on the plate he was holding. Due to these circumstances, the plate slipped out of Rolf's hands and crashed to the ground.

The sound of the plate shattering was noticed by the entire group of teenagers standing near the tree.

"Yo Rolf," yelled Eddy, "What took so long we've been waiting for ya!"

Rolf remained fixated towards the end of the street, after which Eddy decided to try again.

"Hello, earth to Rolf!" yelled Eddy, "Is anyone in there?"

Rolf was finally broken out of his trance. He ignored the plate of spilled food on the ground and promptly made his way over towards Eddy with a desperate look on his face.

"Ed boy!" yelled Rolf as he approached Eddy nervously, "Who is the female with the hair as golden as Papas doubloons?"

Eddy paused for a few seconds, pondering why Rolf would request the identity of Lindsay, after which he decided to respond.

"Oh you mean Lindsay?" said Eddy as he performed a hitchhikers thumb towards the end of the cul-de-sac.

Rolf clutched his chest.

"Rolf's heart," said Rolf rather melodramatically, "It's beats with the pace of the yak pulling the cart full of the hay bales. Her boldness, her bosom as round as the fruit of the grapefruit vine, and her eyes, shaped just as beautifully as the eyes of the fish of Fluschitta!"

The entire cul-de-sac stared at Rolf in shock, all carrying an air of confusion. Marie was the first to break the silence.

"You've got to be kidding me," said Marie.

"Whoa there Rolfie boy, pump the brakes buddy." said Eddy, "You don't wanna deal with that mess, that girl is no good. She'll chew you up and spit you out!"

Rolf's face remained neutral for a brief instant, after which it turned into a relaxed smile.

"Ahh," said Rolf in a dreamy tone, "Rolf finds this information relieving, as if she enjoys the act of the chewing and the spitting, she will most certainly enjoy Nana's pre-chewed seven course dinner!"

Rolf grabbed Eddy's arm lifted it into the air, and proceeded to rub Eddy's armpit with his hand.

"Thank you Ed boy," said Rolf enthusiastically, "As a token of my appreciation, Rolf delivers the congratulatory armpit rub."

Rolf began making his way back toward his residence.

"Rolf must get started on preparing the concoction as a token of love for the beautiful female." said Rolf, after which he turned to Eddy with a confused expression, "The females name...how do you say, Lizzy?"

At the sound of Rolf mispronouncing Lindsays name as 'Lizzy', Marie and May glanced toward each other, both displaying concerned expressions. They simultaneously turned their attention toward their older sister, who's face was turning red with rage. Her jaw clenched tightly, as she began grinding her teeth.

"Lindsay Rolf," said Eddy, "Lind...SEE...go knock yourself out!"

"Thank you Ed boy," yelled Rolf, "As gratitude for your assistance, Rolf will offer some of his prized dish to you upon completion. I must be onward."

Rolf promptly ran across his lawn, opened his front door and disappeared into his house.

Within seconds of Rolf entering his domain, the anger that had been building up within Lee since Lindsay had arrived had finally reached its boiling point. Lee let out a long, drawn out scream, built upon pure frustration. Without saying goodbye to anyone, she began stomping angrily toward her house. Marie and May looked toward each other briefly, after which they nodded their heads in agreement. Each girl walked to their respective boyfriend.

"Sorry Double Dee," said Marie, "I have to go try to calm Lee down again. Looks like it's going to be another long night."

Marie giggled.

"See ya tommorow cutie?" asked Marie as she took Double Dees hands in hers.

"Most definitely." said Double Dee as he smiled. Marie leaned up and kissed Double Dee on the lips, after which she let go of his hands and began making her way down the sidewalk toward her house.

Nearby May said her goodbyes to Ed, after which the two shared a kiss, promising to see each other the next day as well. May took her leave walking side-by-side with her sister down the sidewalk, making their way back to their residence.

Eddy waited a few moments, after which he decided to comment on the situation.

"Okay," said Eddy, "So Rolf's gone love crazy over the same girl my girlfriend is loosing her mind over in a totally different way. What the hell is in the water in Peach Creek?"

Kevin laughed heavily.

"Yeah," said Kevin, "My man has no idea what he's chasin, and she has no idea what she is in for."

Kevin paused to catch his breath, before turning his attention to Nazz.

"This isn't the first time he's butchered someone's name." said Kevin as he laughed. "He hasn't quite got the hang of yours yet, right Nancy?"

Kevin laughed playfully as Nazz delivered an irritated stare. Nazz's full name was in fact Nancy, a fact that she despises. When Nazz first moved to Peach Creek Kevin, Rolf, Ed and Eddy were the only other kids in the neighborhood. When meeting Rolf for the first time, she hesitantly introduced herself as "Nancy", awaiting the obligatory laughter. Rolf, being around 5 years of age at the time, was still learning English, and had a tricky time pronouncing certain words. Reciting her name for understanding, he pronounced it "Nazzy", and could not seem to get Nancy right. At that point, generated a brilliant idea. She asked Rolf to simply call her Nazz for short and the name stuck. From that moment on, she decided that Nazz would be her preferred name, out of contempt for the name Nancy.

Up until this point, her family, Rolf, and Kevin were the only people in the cul-de-sac to know her real name, but thanks to Kevin's shenanigans, that was no longer the case. In response, Nazz blushed heavily, turned away from Kevin with an angry facial expression, and began walking back towards her house.

"Babe!" said Kevin as he giggled slightly and began following her, "I was just playin with ya. C'mon we'll make some popcorn and watch some movies."

Kevin followed Nazz into her house, continuing to beg her for forgiveness all the way, at which point their conversation was silenced by the closure of Nazz's front door, leaving the Eds as the only cul-de-sac residents remaining outdoors,

Eddy wasted no time and struck up a conversation as he stared at the Christmas tree.

"Well," said Eddy, "Lee's pissed again."

"And she has every right to be upset." said Double Dee with a stern expression, "While I do not believe in violence, or the use of profane language, Ms. Statorowski crossed the line when she began targeting the younger children. I believe Lee's reaction was completely warranted."

I'm not worried about that," said Eddy, "I'm worried about this stupid talent show. I can't imagine what Lee has in mind, but I know it's going to involve me."

Eddy pondered his thoughts for a few moments, prior to continuing.

"And I still have to figure out how to raise money to buy Lee that dress." said Eddy, after which he turned to Double Dee. "By the way, you never got around to telling us what you are gettin' Marie, did ya?"

Double Dee took a deep breath, after which he told the story of how he came to know of Marie's misfortune regarding her eye operation, and how he intended his Christmas gift to be the offset cost.

"Wow man," said Eddy, "That's deep!"

Eddy looked toward Ed.

"So Lumpy wants to get May a pitching machine, you want to help Marie pay for her eye surgery, and I want to buy Lee the ball dress of her dreams...and these gifts are way outside the scope of our usual allowance."

Eddy paused.

"We're going to need a miracle to pull this off." yelled Eddy.

At that moment, an unfamiliar voice rang through the air from behind the boys. The voice was deep, and contained inflections of the working class accent typical of the city.

"Pardon me boys, but I can't help overhearing that youse three need some cash."

The three Ed boys, somewhat startled, turned around to see a rather heavyset man. On his feet were a pair of brown work boots, on top of which laid the bottom of his blue jeans. He wore a brown workman's jacket, which was covered in what appeared to be stains from tree sap. His face was covered by a white beard, and his balding head was masked by a blue wooly hat.

The boys stood in silence for a few minutes, unsure of how to respond, after which the man began walking towards their position.

"I apologize, let me introduce myself." said the man, as he reached out to shake the boys hands, "Chris Nicklaus, Nicklaus Brothers General Contracting. Good to meet ya!"

Chris finished shaking the boys hands prior to continuing.

"I saw youse guys on the news earlier," said Chris, "I was impressed with the way you kids handled moving that tree. I run a business during the holiday season selling Christmas trees, and I can use some young talent to help me set up the displays and deliver the trees to the customers. I swung by earlier and met with each of your parents and asked them if it was okay if I met you and offered youse a job, and they all said yes."

Chris paused, after which he officially posed the question.

"So, you boys want jobs?"

The boys glanced at each other with smiles on their faces, after which Double Dee decided to take the initiative to respond for the group.

"Mr. Nicklaus," said Double Dee as he stretched his hand out to shake Chris' hand, "We fully appreciate the offer, and we would be delighted to work for you."

"Perfect!" said Chris, "The selling season starts this Saturday at noon, here's the address to my shop."

Chris removed a piece of paper from his pocket, on which an address was written in black ink.

"Thank you so much Mr. Nicklaus," said Double Dee, "You will not be disappointed in our work."

"Glad to hear," said Chris, "Well, let me get outta here. I'll see youse guys Saturday afternoon."

The boys bid Chris their farewells, after which the man made his way around the corner and on to the cross street.

"Well gentlemen," said Double Dee as he placed the piece of paper in his pocket, "It seems that fortune has really shown a light on us tonight."

"Yep!" said Eddy, "All's we have to do is hock a few trees, while keeping it all a secret from our girls, and we'll be home free!"

Eddy turned towards Ed, who was currently standing as still as a statue, his face adorned with a dopey smile.

"You got anything left to say Lumpy?" asked Eddy.

Ed remained in silence for a couple of seconds, after which he elected to yell rather loudly.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

As soon as Ed had completed his exuberant delivery, he turned around and began running toward his residence, intent on getting much needed rest for the following school day.

At the same time, the sound of Eddy's cell phone alerting him of a text message filled the air. He removed his phone from his pocket to investigate and quickly discovered a text message from Lee that read:

"I need to talk to you now, please come over."

Eddy sighed,

"Well Sockhead," said Eddy, "Looks like I'm needed elsewhere.

"No problem Eddy," said Double Dee, "I shall be heading indoors myself, as it is very much past my usual bedtime."

The two boys shook hands, and shared good nights, after which they parted ways en-route to their respective destinations.