Chapter 13
The bell signaling the end of the school day at Peach Creek High School had sounded around ten minutes ago. Accordingly, all of the students we're currently making their way back to their neighborhoods, intent on using their free time to the maximum extent possible.
Tabby and Rod had picked the Kanker girls up from school via car. They had made plans to go to "The Green Clover", a large department store located within Peach Creek Mall, to do some Christmas shopping, and to pick up the perfect costume for Lee's ballet performance.
Due to these events, the Ed's were able to use the "Ed Mobile", previously borrowed by the girls that morning, to make their way back to the cul-de-sac. The boys we're currently riding down the Main Street of the business district: Eddy sat up front, controlling the handlebars, with Double Dee in the middle position, and Ed in the rear.
As the boys pedaled back to the cul-de-sac, Eddy decided to initiate a conversation.
"Well amigos!" said Eddy with a smile, "Our lovely ladies have some plans this afternoon, so it looks like we're on our own until we meet them for ballet practice tonight. What do ya guys want to do."
"Wow Eddy, I'm surprised," said Double Dee, "All day you have been avoiding using the term 'ballet practice', electing to use general, indistinct terms such as 'that thing' or 'the show' due to your unwarranted embarrassment about participating in one of the most beautiful art forms in existence. May I ask what drove the sudden change in attitude?"
"Well Sockhead, it just so happens I am feelin' fine!" said Eddy with a sly grin, "Ms. Dopkin released the grades for the math test this morning, and it looks like I'm going to pass the semester."
"That's wonderful Eddy!" said Double Dee, "Perhaps now you have witnessed that, while Lee is busy pursuing her own interests, and was not able to assist you as much as anticipated, you were still able to achieve academic greatness via self discipline. I am proud to see that you took it upon yourself to study."
"You kiddin?" said Eddy, " I didn't study, I ain't got time for that crap. I just winged it, let the good old Eddy magic do it's work, and wound up with a perfect D minus!"
"Eddy's a good magician!" said Ed, "I should know cause Eddy gave me all the answers, and I got a D minus too!"
"I'm surrounded," said Double Dee softly with a sarcastic glare.
A few minutes passed after which Double Dee decided to continue.
"Regardless of the circumstances, I am glad to see that you're now in a positive mood," said Double Dee, "That being said, now that your emotions have neutralized, have you considered cancelling this new 'plan' of yours concerning the use of Rolf as a Lindsay Statorowski deterrent?"
"What are ya, crazy?" said Eddy, "Hell no I haven't thought about stopping it, I need that broad out of our lives. In fact, me and Ed spent art class making some fake gifts that we can give to Lindsay to freak her out, and some to give to Rolf to make it seem like Lindsay wants to jump his bones!"
Eddy reached back and patted his back pack.
"I got em' all in here for safe keeping!" said Eddy as he winked, followed by heavy laughter.
Double Dee sighed.
"I suppose it was worth a try," said Double Dee.
A few moments passed, at which point the bike had finally made it to the entrance of the cul-de-sac. As the boys, turned the corner, they spotted Jonny's, Kevin's and Nazz's father standing outside of Kevin's garage. Kevin himself sat on the garage apron; his knees were curled up to his chest, and his face was buried in the palms of his hands.
"Oh my," said Double Dee, "Whatever could have happened here?"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," said Eddy, "I asked Kevin to give me a ride in on his bike this morning, but when he went to get it from the garage it was gone. The guy freaked out and said he wasn't going anywhere until he found his bike."
"My goodness, that bike means the world to Kevin. He must be devastated." said Double Dee.
"We have another serial toucher guys!" yelled Ed.
"I surely hope there is no evidence of foul play or burglary in the cul-de-sac!"." said Double Dee, "For everyone sake, the best possible outcome is that it was simply misplaced."
"Come on let's go see what's up." said Eddy, after which he steered the bike towards Kevin's house.
The boys stopped the bicycle in front of Kevin's house, dismounted, and walked towards the red headed adolescent.
"Yo Kevy boy!" said Eddy as he playfully punched Kevin in the shoulder, after which he sat down on the curb next to him, "Any luck with the bike?"
Kevin lifted his head up, staring across the street as he somberly spoke.
"I got Nazz's dad to come look at the garage door," said Kevin, "He said that there's no sign of forced entry."
"Thank goodness," said Double Dee, "Being a law enforcement officer, Nazz's father is a reliable and trustworthy source for such a determination."
"Well I don't buy it," said Kevin, "That bike doesn't move anywhere, unless I move it. Somethin' fishy is goin' on here."
At that point, the adults decided to disband, each shaking each other's hand, with Nazz's father happily declaring to Kevin's father that he would help in any way he could to locate the whereabouts of the bike. He delivered a wink to Kevin's father, after which Kevin's father playfully punched him and bid him farewell, thanking him for his efforts.
Kevin watched as the adults made their way back to their respective homes, after which he decided to continue the conversation.
"Somebody stole my bike," said Kevin with an angry glare, "And when I find out who did, they're gonna be sorry they even looked at it."
"A new mystery has befallen the cul-de-sac," said Ed imitating the narration of an old school, low budget radio show, "There is only one man who can solve this case...that man is Sherlock Ed!"
Ed began humming stereotypical mystery/spy show music as he pretended to scan the ground with an imaginary magnifying glass.
"Sherlock Ed, yeah right!" said Eddy, "Let's face it boys, there's only one person around here that can bring peace and justice back to the cul-de-sac, and that's..."
Eddy was about to finish his sentence, as he began touch his thumb to his chest. However, he was soon cut off by a familiar voice.
"Me!" yelled the voice from above.
The boys turned to the solitary tree that occupied the front lawn of Kevin's house. Upon it's many branches stood a mysterious figure. The figure was wearing a light green shirt with a yellow swirl, white pants, and black sandals. On the individuals head was half of a watermelon, with eye holes cut out to resemble a mask. Cradled in his right hand was a piece of 2x4 plywood, with eyes drawn onto it with crayons. A piece of white material was strapped around the wooden plank, with eye holes cut out to resemble a mask.
The figure dropped down onto the ground from the tree branch, struck a pose, and yelled loudly for all to hear:
"Have no fear, Captain Melonhead is here!"
The individuals display was met with blank stares from all of the rest of the boys. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Eddy was the first to speak.
"Oh, hey Jonny," said Eddy, "Still playing superhero?"
Jonny placed his elbow over his mouth, as if imitating a mysterious superhero pose.
"I know nothing of Jonny," said Jonny, "I'm Captain Melonhead, and this is my loyal sidekick, Splinter the Wonderwood."
The boys continued to ignore Jonny's antics.
"So you're back to being Captain Melonhead?" said Kevin, "Whatever happened to the whole Gourd thing you tried to pull at the end of last summer?"
"The Gourd has retired," said Jonny, "Captain Melonhead realized that no matter what, his job is to protect the innocent, the weak, and the down trotted, and fighting for good is the only way to go."
"Whatever Jonny," said Kevin, "So, what makes you think you can find my bike?"
"I have eye's and ears everywhere," said Jonny, "From the Business District to Haventhough Way, no stone will remain unturned. The beam of justice sweeps every lawn and every alley, and will not stop unt...
"Alright, alright," said Kevin, "Give it a rest, I get it."
Kevin paused.
"Alright Captain Melonhead, I trust ya!" said Kevin "Please find my bike and I'll be forever in your debt."
"No problem faithful citizen" said Jonny, "Your bike will be back in no time. Captain Melonhead, Away!"
Johnny held his hands out in front of him as he quickly ran down the street towards the end of the cul-de-sac. As he turned the corner, Eddy approached Kevin.
"You really trust that Melonhead can find your bike?" asked Eddy.
"Hell no!" said Kevin, "I just needed to get rid of the annoying dweeb, I'm going to find it myself!"
Kevin and Eddy shared a laugh.
"Well Kev, I wish I could help," said Eddy, "But I gotta go get some yard chores done at my house while I can, before I have to go help Lee with her new project."
"Oh," said Kevin as he snickered, "What's the old ball and chain got you roped in this time?"
"Ah the usual," said Eddy, "Ya know, just usual chick stuff that we get dragged into."
"Eddy and Lee are going to dance a ballet together at the talent show on Wednesday night!" said Ed enthusiastically.
Eddy placed smacked his palm to his face, after which he punched Ed in the arm. Double Dee watched with concern as Kevin began laughing hysterically.
"Oh man!" said Kevin, barely able to get his words out, "This was the worst day of my life, but now this almost makes it worthwhile."
Eddy groaned as his face turned red out of embarrassment.
"Kevin," said Double Dee, "I'm surprised at you. Eddy was willing to support you in your time of need when you discovered that your bike was missing. You should at least be proud and supportive of Eddy for reaching outside of his comfort zone and attempting learn a wonderful new art form."
"I'm sorry," said Kevin as he clutched his ribs, "I just keep picturing Dorkie up on stage...prancing around on stage in a tutu...what color is it going to be, will it match your eyes?"
Kevin delivered his last line with an intentional feminine overtone, as he clasped his hands and batted his eyes towards Eddy in an attempt to make fun of him. As Kevin continued to laugh heavily, Eddy decided to retort.
"For your information, Shovel Chin," yelled Eddy, "Men wear tights when they dance ballet!"
Kevin stared blank faced at Eddy's statement, after which he laughed even heavier than before.
"Stop!" said Kevin, "You're killing me! You're not only going on stage with no dancing skills, but you are also going up there in tights."
Kevin laughed once again, after which he turned around and began walking towards the front door of his house.
"This is too priceless to miss." said Kevin, "I'm getting tickets to the show, and I'll be recording the whole thing on video. Wait till Rolf and the guys from the football team get a load of this one!"
Kevin giggled as he opened the front door of his house and stepped inside, leaving his three friends outside by their lonesome.
Double Dee glanced towards his stubby best friend, who was currently quite upset with Kevin's playful teasing. Ed was himself attempting to hold back giggled as well. Eddy turned towards his two friends with an irritated expression.
"Not a word from either of you." said Eddy, after which he turned around and made his way towards his residence. He soon disappeared into his side alley, on his way to the pocket door that led to his bedroom.
"Well, Ed, it appears that it's just you and me until the girls get home." said Double Dee, "Did you have anything in mind that you would like to do to pass the time?"
"Afternoon Christmas special extravaganza!" yelled Ed, "C'mon we can watch it at my house!"
Ed grabbed Double Dees hand and began literally dragging him down the street towards his forest green residence. Despite the appearance of Ed unwillingly pulling Double Dee down the street, the intelligent adolescent couldn't be happier with Ed's suggestion.
