Chapter 71
Back on Rethink Avenue, the young men of the cul-de-sac were quite busy themselves, making final preparations for their journey to the winter ball. Prior to the blowup that had occurred the previous day, the five core boys of the street, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Kevin, and Rolf, had decided to get together a few hours before the dance to help each other prepare for the big night.
Fortunately, the fight did not completely ruin the endeavor; all of the boys, with the exception of Eddy, had gathered at Double Dee's house as planned, taking up post in Double Dee's living room. In preparation for the dance, Double Dee had offered Ed the opportunity to use his shower, on the condition that Ed be sure to clean it thoroughly, and place all of the soaps and shampoos "back into their proper designated positions" after use. Although Ed had increased the frequency of his bathing after entering a relationship with May, the boy was still far from an expert at personal hygiene and occasionally needed a push from his friends.
Downstairs, Kevin had just completed securing the top button of his white undershirt, as he gazed into Double Dee's wall-mounted mirror to admire himself. The red-headed jock had removed his red ball cap in preparation for the formal dance, allowing his usually visible red bangs to fly free while, allowing exposing his remaining hair, which was styled in a rarely seen buzz cut. As his magenta tie hung loose around his neck, he inspected his black pants and shoes, as if to ensure no dust was present. He then proceeded to snicker as he flexed his biceps in the mirror, hoping to see the fruits of his new workout routine that was designed specifically to compete with Eddy.
As Kevin continued to flex, he noticed a pair of legs making their way down the stairs, in the reflection. As if to avoid being caught expressing vanity regarding his muscles, he suddenly turned to face the stairs, pretending as if he were in the process of tying his tie.
Double Dee soon reached the bottom of the stairs, turning to face his friends with a smile. The boy was fully dressed; his formal wear consisting of black dress pants, and shiny black shoes. He had donned a black dress belt, above which was a white, neatly-pressed button down shirt, tucked into his pants. On top of his white shirt, a light blue vest made of silk stood out against the plain background, above which was a matching bow tie. On top of the vest, Double Dee had slid into a black overcoat, buttoning the bottom two buttons as men usually did when standing. Finally, the boy had traded his typical ski cap for a black top hat, (in an effort to maintain formality while still hiding his scarred head), and had opted to carry one of his fathers walking sticks as an accent to his outfit. The cane's shaft was solid black with a silver ball shaped handle, shining brightly under the lights of Double Dee's living room as he gripped the stick in his hand.
"Whoah Double Dee," said Kevin as he laid eyes on his friend, "Looking sharp man!"
"Thank you for the kind words Kevin," said Double Dee as he glanced at himself in the mirror, "But are the top hat and cane a tad too much?"
"No man, it totally suits you!" said Kevin, "A guy like you can pull off nice duds like that with no problem, and it works cause it's actually a formal dance. Not like Eddy when he wore a white suit and hat to the eighth grade spring dance. Me and the guys had a field day, he looked like a freakin pimp!"
Kevin began laughing heavily, reimagining Eddy's absurd fashion antics that he had displayed the previous spring; an appearance that resulted in playful teasing from his friends and a refusal from Lee to dance until he changed into something more sensible.
Double Dee couldn't help but giggle, remembering his good friends absurdity. The laughter was quite short lived however, as the boys were suddenly reminded of the fight between Eddy and Lee the previous day. As Kevin returned to grooming himself in the mirror, Double Dee turned his attention towards the couch, and to his surprise spotted Rolf.
The foreign boy was still very much heartbroken over his " breakup" with Lindsay; he sat on the with his chin resting in his palms, staring at Double Dee's wall with an emotionless expression. He had outfitted himself in the tuxedo that Lindsay had procured for him a few days earlier, and was completely dressed with one exception; his sky blue bow tie had yet to be tied.
"Rolf?," asked Double Dee, "I was quite certain that you decided not to attend tonight's dance. I am most grateful to see that the events that occurred yesterday afternoon did not spur your willingness to engage in a fun-filled night with your good friends."
Rolf sighed.
"Rolf's heart is quite broken over the loss of his beautiful Schmetlockin." said Rolf in a melodramatic manner, "Rolf's welcomes his attendance of this hullabaloo, as this may be Rolf's last chance to lay his orbs of vision on his golden haired angel, when she takes the stage to earn the prize her and the blood-haired Kanker sister want so dearly. At least Rolf will have one last chance to see her smile..."
At that point Rolf placed his eyes into his hands and began sobbing ever so slightly. Double Dee was quite disheartened, confused on how to handle this predicament.
"Dude, get over her," said Kevin as he turned to face the boys, "She was a bitch anyway."
"While I abhor references comparing human females to terminology associated with the females of canids," said Double Dee, "I am afraid I must agree with Kevin. I am not sure if you and Lindsay are ever meant to be a couple, but I am most definitely sure that you should not stop living and enjoy yourself regardless."
Double Dee turned away from Rolf and glanced towards the ceiling.
"I for one am quite disappointed in Eddy's actions," said Double Dee, "Marie has informed me that Lee is refusing to attend tonight's dance, and has spent the entire day in her pajamas sulking in the den, of course due to the same circumstances that managed to bring Rolf into such an emotional state. I attempted to contact Eddy via telephone this morning, but I was unsuccessful. He did not return any of my calls, so I can only assume he is quite upset as well, and most likely will not be attending the ball tonight. How absolutely heartbreaking."
"You for once are wrong, head-full of brains Ed boy," said Rolf as he lifted his head to make eye-contact with Double Dee, while speaking in a somber tone, "The small fry Ed boy paid a visit to Rolf's house and atoned for his misdeeds. Rolf's culture typically calls for a duel to settle any wrong doings. However, because Rolf is much too weary, he was willing to accept the Ed boys earlier apology, and merely offered the hammer of discipline."
"Interesting," said Double Dee, "Please excuse my opinions, but I'm quite surprised you were able to make amends with Eddy in such a quick timeframe, with absolutely no qualms."
"The deed with the small fry Ed boy is done," said Rolf as he stared forward, "No amount of shenanigans nor bloodshed will bring back the love of Rolf's golden-haired Angel."
There was a slight pause as Rolf reburied his eyes into his hands, leaving Double Dee and Kevin to stare at his display with expressions of confusion. A few seconds passed, at which point Double Dee made his way to the mirror to adjust is hat, sharing the fixture with Kevin who was currently working on securing his tie. As the boys continued their preparations, Double Dee decided to begin another conversation, speaking to Kevin through his reflection.
"Well I suppose that's one issue solved," said Double Dee, "I am glad to hear that Eddy had taken it upon himself to apologize to Rolf. I can only hope that he's taking action to remedy his relationship with Lee as well. We wouldn't want this to spider any further than it already has."
"Tell me about it," said Kevin, "Nazz has been acting weird all season, but the whole superhero thing we saw yesterday took the cake. I tried talking to her about it, but she just keeps telling me she made a mistake and she'll explain later. She feels really bad about all of that fake news, but she was just so mad at Lindsay that she kind of lost control. I think she's more embarrassed than anything."
Kevin pulled the knot securing his tie up to his collar.
"Whatever," said Kevin, "Woman are too confusing sometimes. Anyway, I told her I'd meet her at her house in five minutes, her Dad's driving me and Rolf to the dance."
Kevin turned towards Rolf.
"Ready to go pal?" asked Kevin.
Rolf sighed, at which point he sluggishly rose off of the couch.
"Yes Boy Kevin," said Rolf in a melancholy manner, "Rolf is ready."
As Rolf began making his way towards the door, hanging his hands to his sides while dragging his feet, Double Dee noticed that the slim boy had not yet made up his ice blue bow tie.
"Excuse me Rolf," said Double Dee as he walked towards the boy, "It appears that you have forgotten to properly complete your bow tie. Please allow me to assist."
Double Dee took hold of Rolf's bow tie with his hands, and began the process of tying the somewhat complex knot. As he passed the ends over each other, Rolf was reminded of the moment Lindsay assisted him with the process a few days ago, at which point his eyes became teary again.
"You're skills with tying the heads of the neck serpent remind Rolf of his first date with Rolf's Sweet Babushka," said Rolf, "Her hands, smooth as the skin of the tomato, and her nails as pink as Wilfred's skin, soothing Rolf by gently caressing his face."
"Rolf, please remain focused," said Double Dee, "I can't properly secure your garments if you continue to move your nec..."
At that point Rolf suddenly reached his hands up, took hold of both ends of Double Dees bow tie, and proceeded to pull on them tightly; this resulted Double Dees neck being several constricted, causing his head to inflate like a balloon in a cartoonish fashion.
"And yet, they are also powerful," said Rolf, "Boldly squeezing Rolf's neck with all of their might, just as Rolf's Nana squeezes the teats of the dairy cow when milking."
Rolf released Double Dee from his grip, much to his to his relief. The foreign boy then turned away from Double Dee, adopting a determined expression.
"Rolf cannot turn a blind eye to his affections!" yelled Rolf as he began making his way towards the door, "Rolf must make things right! He will woo his Beautiful Schmetlockin back into his gretchens of affections, and he will wait no longer!"
At that point Rolf opened the front door, and exited Double Dee's residence, closing the door behind him. Kevin and Double Dee spent a few moments starting in surprise at the display they had just witnessed, after which Kevin began making his way towards the door.
"I guess some things never change," said Kevin sarcastically, "Anyway, I gotta go meet Nazz, see ya at the dance Double Dork."
"Take care Kevin," said Double Dee, "I look forward to seeing you shortly!"
Kevin followed Rolf's lead, exiting Double Dee's house out into the cold winter air. As the front door latched, Double Dee returned his attention to the mirror in an effort to readjust his bow tie, which had been disrupted by Rolf's charade.
As Double Dee made his finally adjustments, he detected the sound of his wooden stair treads creaking, prompting him to turn in the direction of the noise. In a matter of seconds, Ed has completed his descent, fresh out of the shower and completely clothed in his formal wear.
Ed had traded his usual attire for a black dress tuxedo, just as all of his friends had;but had elected to don a dark red vest and tie, in an effort to match the dress May was set to wear tonight. In addition, his usual short, messy hair had been parted on the side using gel, allowing it's rarely seen red hue to be displayed. The boy appeared much taller and skinnier in the perfectly tailored tuxedo than he did in his typical large green coat.
As Ed moved his arms around, attempting to alleviate the temporary discomfort caused by the stiff suit, Double Dee approached his friend.
"My word Ed!" said Double Dee, "That suit looks fantastic on you!"
"Thanks," said Ed, " I hope my Little May likes it, cause it's really stiff and itchy."
"I'm certain she will!" said Double Dee, "Those symptoms should quell shortly as the jacket becomes more broken in with use."
Ed made his way over towards the mirror to inspect himself.
"Me and May chose these colors after we watched 'Attack of the Scarlet Bat Maidens' on tv the other night," said Ed, "Watch out Double Dee, for the tuxedo of tribulation may consume me, transforming me into the ruthless bloodsucking night crawler Taccuba!"
Double Dee giggled.
"Ed, your imagination never ceases to amaze me!" said Double Dee.
"I wish Eddy was here to see!" said Ed, "He'd have something funny to say."
Double Dee sighed prior to replying.
"It's unfortunate that what was supposed to be a joyous night has been precluded by nothing but disaster," said Double Dee, "The whole argument between Lee and Lindsay, Eddy's absurd failure of a plan to use Rolf against Lindsay, and finally the resulting fight that occurred yesterday have brought me nothing but undue stress during a period which love and goodwill is supposed to thrive."
Ed looked upon his friend with a melancholy expression as Double Dee continued.
"Most of all," said Double Dee, "My dreams to make Marie's Christmas a special one have been dashed by fate. I was a fool to think I could raise enough money to pay for Marie's corrective surgery, but I suppose it's the thought that counts."
Double Dee paused briefly.
"I shall provide Marie the share I have accrued with an explanation," said Double Dee, "It's most certainly better than nothing. More importantly, sparing the details, Marie and I have decided to take it upon ourselves to attempt to restore rightful order to the cul-de-sac. I simply cannot bear to witness our friends at odds with each other, especially around the holiday season."
Double Dee brushed off his top hat, after which he whipped around to face Ed with a smile.
"But I suppose that has to wait for now", said Double Dee, "It's time to meet our lovely ladies, and escort them to the dance. Are you ready Ed?"
Ed stood still as if he were dumbfounded; a typical instance due to Ed's extremely overactive imagination. However, in this scenario Ed's thoughts were not of a fantastical nature; rather, he was currently contemplating Double Dee's words, feeling quite disheartened that his friend always worked so hard to help and please his peers, but seemed to always be on the losing end of things.
"Come now Ed, let's not dawdle," said Double Dee, breaking Ed out of his thoughts as he glanced at his gold watch, "We promised the girls we'd meet them at 6:30, and tardiness is not respectful in the slightest."
Witnessing Double Dee check his wristwatch provided Ed with the perfect opportunity to execute an action he had been planning for the last few days . While usually slow when it came to wit, Ed quickly conjured up an excuse to return to Double Dee's bedroom.
"Ooh wait up Double Dee!" yelled Ed, "I'll just be a second, I forgot my watch up in your room!"
Before Double Dee could respond, Ed had already run wildly up the stairs, and down the hallway towards Double Dee's room. The large boy slowly pushed open the wooden door, and made his way across the room to Double Dee's vanity.
Ten seconds was all it took for Ed to find what he was looking for; a white envelope (yet to be sealed) containing a red Christmas card. Ed proceeded to slowly remove the card from the envelope and open it, revealing the series of twenty dollar bills Double Dee had received from Chris for his work ethic, along with a few handwritten words:
Merry Christmas Marie,
Love,
Edd
Ed glanced upon the card with a smile, at which point he reached into his pocket and retrieved his own series of twenties; the share he had received from Chris. Meant to pay for May's automatic pitching machine, Double Dee's predicament seemed to touch Ed emotionally. He decided that his friend need the money much more than he did.
"Merry Christmas Double Dee and Marie," said Ed as he secretly placed the money into the card. He then placed the card back into the envelope, exited the room, and made his way back downstairs to join his friend.
