Chapter 72
Across the street from Double Dee's house, the holiday spirit seemed quite alive at the Kanker-Lonergan residence. The sun had disappeared early, as it did every night during the winter, allowing the various multi-colored Christmas lights lining the eaves of the house to shine brightly, an excellent juxtaposition to the light emanating from the large tree in the center of the cul-de-sac.
In contrast to the bright exterior, the living room of the residence was rather dim and quiet. Rod was on night shift at the firehouse tonight, and unfortunately would not be able to see his daughters off to the dance. As the girls prepared for the dance on the upper level, sliding into their ornate ball gowns while applying makeup and perfumes, Tabby sat alone in the living room. She was currently wearing a black short sleeved shirt, gray sweat pants, and brown bedroom slippers. Her red curls were tied up into a tight bun, as she relaxed in the solitary armchair, with a cigarette smoldering in the ash tray on the adjacent table.
A single lamp was the only source of light, aside from the flicker of the big screen television, bathing the room in a dim orange glow while providing a somewhat cozy feel. While the television was tuned to Badger News Network, Tabby could care less about the current events being displayed on the screen. She was quite preoccupied, cradling two small 6"x8" photographs, which she had retrieved from her purse, in her right hand. As she observed the photograph with a neutral expression, she reached for her cigarette, picking up the slender item and taking a drawer as she examined the Polaroid.
As Tabby placed cigarette back into the ash tray, she turned the first photograph over. On the back was a hand written note that read:
T n' T
We're Dyn-O-MITE!
Tabby sighed as she read the words, after which she placed the unknown, upside down photograph behind the second. The drama that occurred the previous day, and the upsurge of Lee's emotions seemed to trigger a desire for Tabby to take a trip down memory lane; for the second picture depicted an infant version of Lee, outfitted in a green onesie with only a few sparse ginger curls on her head. Lee was cradled in a loving pair of arms, as her right hand appeared to reach out and touch the woman's (presumably Tabby's) pregnant stomach.
Just as Tabby's eyes began to tear up, the sound of a wooden door latching emanated from the upper level. In a flash, Tabby stuffed both of her articles back into her purse, and turned her attention toward the stairs, as she knew her two youngest daughters would be descending shortly.
As expected, Marie and May made their way down the stair in sequence, stopping at the bottom of the stairs with smiles. Marie had selected an ice blue, floor length gown, the straps of which fully covered her upper body. The portion of the gown below her torso was of a lighter shade of blue, almost white in color, and was accented by a pair of silver high heeled shoes. She had elected to maintain her side-swept bang hairstyle, (as she really had no other options), but donned a pair of silver earrings for the occasion. Finally, the necklace Double Dee had made her many months ago, displaying the word "Annemarie" dangled from her neck, in full display in front of the blue bodice.
May, in complete contrast to Marie, had selected a wine red gown. The gown was strapless, the top of which encircled May's body below her underarms; high enough to avoid exposing any cleavage, but low enough to entirely expose her freckled shoulders. The floor length gown had a small tail of sorts, which extended around two feet behind May as she walked in her silver high heeled shoes. She had removed her beloved ponytails, allowing her hair to dangle freely in loose curls, framing her ice blue eyes (made more noticeable by her eyeliner) perfectly.
"Well, well, well," said Tabby sarcastically as she stood up with a smile, "I never thought I'd see the day that you two tomboyish witches would be all dressed up like princesses and going to a formal ball."
"What's wrong mom!?" asked Marie playfully, "Afraid we look hotter than you did last night at the Fireman's ball?"
Marie and May simultanelously pirouetted, after which they struck poses reminiscent of models. Tabby giggled as she approached her girls.
"All jokes aside, youse two look beautiful," said Tabby, "You all set to have fun tonight?"
"Yep," said May, her braces glistening as she displayed a toothy smile. Her smile was short lived however, as she remembered the proverbial elephant in the room, and accordingly gazed up the stairs towards her older sisters door.
Tabby took notice of the girls sudden change of demeanor, and decided to address the issue.
"How's she doing?," asked Tabby, "Any luck getting her out of her funk?"
"No, but we tried," said Marie, "She's hot and cold, one minute she's crying uncontrollably, and the next she's grabbing her phone to check for a call from Eddy, then screaming when she doesn't see it."
"She's not going to the dance," said May, "It's gonna be so sad having to go without her, we do everything together!"
Tabby sighed, and placed her hand on May's shoulder.
"I know Annamae," said Tabby, "Annalee's just going through a lot right now, and she really needs this time for herself. The best thing you could do for her is to go out and enjoy yourself tonight. She'd be even more upset if she found out her mood spoiled your fun."
May and Marie shared a glance for a few moments, after which they turned their attention back to Tabby and nodded.
"Well," said Tabby as she glanced at the wall-mounted clock, "It looks like it's about time for youse to go. You don't want to leave your boys waiting!"
"Okay," said May as she and Marie began making their way towards the door.
"We'll be back later!" said Marie as she grasped the silver handle.
"Have fun girls!" yelled Tabby, "Knock em' dead!"
Tabby shot a small wink towards her two youngest daughters causing them to smile. Marie then proceeded to open the door, allowing May to exit before her. As Marie lifted May's tail, as to prevent it from dragging on the ground, she closed the door behind her, isolating the cold air from the warm Kanker residence.
As the front door latched, Tabby remained still, pondering her thoughts for a few moments. Eventually, she turned her attention up the stairs, staring intently at the red door acting as the entryway into Lee's bedroom. She then proceeded to make her way to the kitchen, and removed two mugs from the china cabinet. Five minutes was all it took for her to brew two cups of tea, adding sugar and milk into hers, while leaving milk out of the other. She took both cups in her hands, and proceeded to make her way up the stairs to the upper level of the house.
Upstairs, Lee had effectively barricaded herself in her bedroom. The ginger girl had refused to get dressed, and remained in her pajamas all day; a pink t-shirt, flannel bottoms, and bare feet. Absolutely no attempt had been made to style her ginger curls, and they appeared quite frizzy, with locks flying in several different directions typical of "bed head".
Lee was currently sitting on the edge of her bed, grasping a red book that appeared to be some sort of a photo album. Beside her, on the surface of the bed, were several of the "artifacts" she kept as a reminder of her friendship with Lindsay, including the blue bow, as well as all of the photographs. The room was completely dark, with the exception of a small amount of light entering the window, due to a tiny patio light. The room was not devoid of silence however, as Lee had activated her radio; the local radio station played Christmas music around the clock during the holiday season, and tonight was no exception. As slow tears cascaded down Lee's face (clear due to being devoid of any makeup), the radio played a classic slow ballad, sung by a female choir:
Silent Night, Holy Night
All is calm, All is bright.
Round yon Virgin, Mother, Mother and Child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace...
As Lee continued to sob, a small rap sounded on the bedroom door. At the sound of the knock, Lee jumped up, promptly shoving all of her belonging concerning Lindsay into the vanity drawer. She then proceeded to slide the photo album she had clutched in her hand under her bed, hiding it from view as she returned to her position on the edge of the bed. After a slight sniffle, she decided to answer the knock in a wavering voice.
"C..come in," said Lee.
The door slowly opened with an audible creek, pushed to it's fully open position by Tabby's elbow. The red headed woman entered the room, walking towards her daughter with two steaming cups of tea, as the radio continued to play.
"Your sisters left," said Tabby in a gentle voice, "I thought I'd make us some warm tea, and we could have girl time."
Tabby handed Lee her cup of tea, and proceeded to take a seat on the bed next to her daughter.
"Mind if I sit down?" asked Tabby.
Lee shook her head from side to side, after which she turned her head away from Tabby; the hard girl found it difficult to show tears to anyone, including her own mother.
"You know," said Tabby as she took a sip from her mug, "This was Poppy's favorite Christmas song. Sometimes it makes me sad to listen to it because he loved it so much. As much as he loved dressing as Santa Claus, and all of the pagan traditions, he was always sure to remind us what this holiday is all about to us..."
Tabby turned towards her oldest daughter.
"The girls told me that you're questioning your faith in God," said Tabby, "Is this true?"
Lee sniffled slightly.
"Maybe," said Lee, "What does it matter anyway? My boyfriend hates me because I've been treating him like crap, and now all of my friends think I'm some sort of psycho. I'm worthless."
Lee turned towards Tabby, tears streaming down her face once again
"What kind of God let's that happen, Mom?" asked Lee, "Why would He let that happen to me all of those years, why would He finally give me a boyfriend that I can't trust, and why would He take my best friend away from me? I loved her like a sister, and she loved me. But then she was taken away from me...and now I'm forced to watch her play the puppet every day to that nasty woman she calls a mother. I know that's not her! Do you know how much that hurts seeing your best friend being forced to live a lie, and watching her suffer each and everyday being powerless to stop it!?"
At that moment, Lee re-buried her face into her palms, as Tabby stared at her in a disheartened manner. The woman then whispered to herself under her breath as she stared at the opposite wall.
"Believe me, I know...,", whispered Tabby, after which she turned back towards Lee. She proceeded to place her arm on Lee's shoulder.
"Annalee," said Tabby, "What's your full name?"
"Annalee Grace Kanker," said Lee, "What's that got to do with anything?"
"Well, you know that the last part your and Annamae's names came from MomMom and Granny Lonergan, respectively, and the first of all of yours from Anna Pavlova." said Tabby, "But do you have any idea why I decided to give you the middle name Grace?"
Lee shook her head from side to side as Tabby leaned slightly forward.
"It's because the moment you were born," said Tabby, "I looked towards Poppy, who was supporting me through your birth, and said 'this little girl is my saving grace'"
Lee lifted her head, turning towards Tabby with an air of surprise.
"Now I've been wrong about a lot of things in life," said Tabby, "But let me tell you something, I was definitely not wrong in that assumption. When I held you for the first time, and looked into those little blue eyes, I realized that that life was worth living. While I was pregnant with you, I had to watch Aunt Kate suffer with drug addiction, something that eventually killed her a few months before you were born. That along with a good talking to from...someone else, and the fact that I knew I was carrying you, made me quit my destructive lifestyle. I knew that being a mother meant I had a purpose in life, and it was you that spurred that change in me. Life was finally worth living again, and it's all because you are sitting right here."
Tabby paused briefly before continuing.
"By the grace of God, you were fortunately blessed with two little sisters," said Tabby, "I'll admit, due to a lot of issues I had to work out while you girls were small, I wasn't the most attentive of mothers. I know it's somewhat hypocritical, considering what I just told you, but I did everything I could to stay strong, even though all of my loved ones, Mommy, Poppy, Aunt Kate and more, passed away before my eyes."
Tabby turned towards Lee.
"I was in a depression," said Tabby, "You picked up on it, and did everything you could to help me. Don't think I wasn't awake those nights when you pulled the blanket over me after I cried myself to sleep, and kissed me on the forehead."
Tabby giggled slightly, as the emotionally drained Lee remained neutral, continuing to listen to what her mother had to say.
"Most importantly," said Tabby, "Those two little sisters you were blessed with never had to go a day on this Earth without ever feeling like they were not loved. You were a natural, from learning to make them breakfast knowing I had a bad night and needed sleep, to changing the bed sheets when May had a little accident. I watched you walk them to school, teaching them not to talk to strangers, teaching them right from wrong, and showing them how to be loving towards each other."
Tabby adopted a severely somber expression, swallowing prior to continuing.
"While I absolutely hate that it happened to you, and have to be haunted with the fact that it did happen every day," said Tabby, "You even sacrificed your own physical and mental well being with the thought of protecting those two girls."
A slight tear began rolling down Tabby's cheek as she turned back towards her oldest daughter.
"So, before you go around calling yourself worthless," said Tabby, "Just imagine how many lives you have made better just by existing and being you. If you didn't exist, I'd have lost two daughters completely to the streets, and they probably would either be dead or in prison by now. If you weren't born, I would have continued my destructive lifestyle, having no real reason to live..."
As tears slowly ran down Tabby's cheeks, she continued in a soft tone of voice.
"You Annalee are my saving grace," said Tabby, "You are an angel on this earth, sent here to help and inspire people, to teach and help others, even at your own expense. I can't thank you enough for all you have done and sacrificed for our family...for your sisters, and me..."
Tabby reached out, embracing Lee in at tight squeeze. After a slight pause, Lee returned the embrace, burying her face into her mother's shoulders while attempting to hide the tears that were streaming from her face.
"I love you baby girl," said Tabby, "Everything's gonna be alright."
Lee replied with a heavily muffled, "I love you," that she managed to released in between sobs, at which point Tabby pulled away to look at Lee in the eyes.
"Just look at this is just another challenge on the road of life that you have to rise to meet." said Tabby, "And I'm sure you'll have no problem doing so."
"I know," said Lee as she sniffled, "But it just hurts so bad. Now I not only lost my best friend, but I also treated Eddy, the one true...great man I have in my life horribly because of it, and now I'm afraid that I can't trust him in the future. I just wish things were different, I wish I could help her, but it doesn't look like I'll ever be able to."
Lee turned to wards Tabby.
"I can't go tonight," said Lee, "I'm not ready to face them yet. I need some time to myself."
"Annalee," said Tabby, "I'm not here to tell you to go to the dance. In my opinion, I think some time to yourself to reflect is something you really need."
Tabby took a sip of her tea.
"But I will tell you this," said Tabby, "Things happen for a reason, and even though some things may seem bad at the time, in hindsight it might be the kickstart needed for some positive change. Trust in your faith, and everything will fall into place."
Tabby rose up off of the bed, and proceeded to walk towards the door leading out into the hallway.
"I'll let you rest for a while," said Tabby, "If you get bored, you can always come downstairs. We can break out some of the old board games and play a few rounds if you want. Or if you want to stay up here and relax, you can do that too. It's up to you."
Tabby opened the door, after which she turned back towards her daughter one last time.
"If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask," said Tabby, "I love you Annalee."
"Love you too mom," said Lee as she smiled ever so slightly in the direction of Tabby.
Tabby nodded her head, after which she exited the room, slowly closing the door behind her.
Lee remained still, focused on the door with a somber expression, after which she fell backwards onto her bed, placing her hands over her eyes as she contemplated her mother's words.
