AN: As I promised in flowers, I finally updated this fic :D It was definitely intimidating coming back to this huge fic and trying to get back in the right mindset, but I think this chapter went the way I had originally envisioned it forever ago. I'm glad I waited to do this one, because looking back at what I had originally written, it wasn't at all how I envisioned it when I started writing this sequel. A step back from it all was definitely necessary and I'm glad to finally be back at it :) Anyways, sorry it took me so long to finally update this, but here it is. Hopefully people still remember what happened leading up to this haha As always, here's my angsty mix for this chapter. Vas by Jagger Finn (slowed), The Scientist by Coldplay (rain and slowed), and finally Love Is Gone by Slander (slowed + reverb). I think the playlist is a dead giveaway to the mood of this whole chapter. Enjoy your suffering :D
Chapter 22: If I Could Turn Back Time
Unspeakable. Hermione Granger, her ex-girlfriend, is an unspeakable.
That was the only thing that kept going around Fleur's head like a merry go round for the last hour as she sat in the waiting room. The silver necklace dangled from her hands, her thumbs idly running over the heart as she stared blankly at the wall ahead of her.
It made no sense and perfect sense at the same time. It explained why Hermione was so secretive, her deadly reflexes, and her knowledge on all the strange things they encountered. However, it didn't fully explain why Hermione had chosen that path and kept her in the dark. She thought Hermione trusted her.
'Why?' Was the main question Fleur had. It was the question that had been asked since Hermione showed up.
The worst part of it was, even though she was surrounded by Hermione's close friends in the waiting room, she felt completely alone. She knew they probably wouldn't tell her anything. Hermione was the only one who could give her answers. Hermione, who was currently unconscious and hopefully recovering well in the room nearby. It was a lot to deal with and process in such a short amount of time.
"You okay?" Angelique finally asked the question she had been meaning to ask since Fleur walked out of Hermione's hotel room looking like she got hit with a stunning spell.
It was clear Fleur was out of it by the empty, yet confused look in her eyes. She still didn't hold much love for the other veela, but considering the circumstances they were all in, she could find it in herself to be compassionate.
They had all been through a lot in the past couple of hours and right now, they were all each other had. No one in the wizarding world would know what they suffered through. Just them.
She gently nudged the dazed blonde when she didn't respond, clearly lost in her own world. "Fleur?"
Fleur blinked dumbly, turning her attention to Angelique. She just now seemed to notice the other girl was sitting next to her and the subtle worried glances Harry, Ginny, and everyone else were shooting her way. "Hmm?"
"You okay?" Angelique asked again softly.
"It's just . . ." Fleur muttered, licking her lips. "A lot."
"Yeah." The healer nodded her head in agreement. "It is."
"Was I really the only one who didn't know?" Fleur asked as her eyes shifted to the other occupants in the room. She couldn't help feeling like the odd man out. A complete and total fool that didn't belong. She felt stupid.
Light brown followed Fleur's gaze before settling back on the curse breaker. She mulled over her response as she sat back in her uncomfortable chair with a soft sigh. There was a lot she couldn't say and even if she could, it wasn't her place to talk about these things. "A lot of people don't know." She replied, idly picking at the loose threads on the arm rest. "I think that's the point."
"But you, Harry, and everyone else knew." Fleur couldn't help letting a bit of her frustration slip out. It didn't feel good being the only one in the room to be clueless. The only one deemed untrustworthy enough to keep the secret. "Why didn't she-"
"I'm not practiced in the arts of legilemency, Fleur." Angelique replied as calmly as she could. This conversation wasn't her responsibility, yet it was being dumped on her.
She was having a hard time on her own dealing with watching Hermione almost die with the rejection on top of that. Yet, here she sat, comforting the girl who she hated in school who coincidentally and perhaps, ironically, was the one who Hermione harbored feelings for. It really wasn't a fair position, but she wasn't heartless, no matter how much she wished she could be.
"Contrary to your belief," She continued. "I am not an expert on all things Hermione Granger. Only she can answer your questions. I was just meant to play my part and I did. To be honest, I barely knew anything. I knew what I was supposed to and I'm sure it's the same for everyone else here." She nodded her head to the group of friends sitting across from them. "I'm just the girl who cleans up everyone's messes." She finished despondently.
A wave of guilt washed over the heiress at Angelique's statement. Her clan had cleaned up after hers for so long. Now, she was still stuck in that same position. She fixed up the broken pieces Fleur left of Hermione after what she did and now she was all but being forced into a corner being asked questions she literally couldn't answer.
She was hurting too. Fleur could see it and for once, despite her general dislike for the other veela, she felt bad. It wasn't fair to ask the healer all of these things. This wasn't her responsibility.
Fleur let out a defeated breath. "I'm sorry. It's not fair of me to ask all of these questions. I just don't know what to do . . ."
"Welcome to the club." Angelique replied as she crossed her arms and leaned the back of her head against the white wall, focusing on the ceiling above her.
Fleur nodded her head as she rested her elbows on her knees, looking down to her lifeline. The silver necklace dangling from her hands. The only thing keeping her from getting lost in thoughts of lies and blood. So much blood. Just the thought of it all made her want to spill the contents of her stomach onto the floor.
"You alright?" Came Harry's soft voice.
"As well as can be expected in such circumstances." Fleur mumbled, not taking her eyes off of the jewelry.
He ran a hand through raven locks, letting out a heavy breath. "Yeah. Understandable."
"She's going to be alright, you know." Luna chimed in with a soft smile.
Fleur swallowed the lump in her throat, fighting the tears that pricked the corner of her eyes. "I 'ope so."
"Hey." Harry put a reassuring hand on Fleur's shoulder, which brought crystal blues to look up at him. "Mione is tough."
Ginny let out a grunt in agreement. "Idiotic and yes, you can tell her I said that." She looked to Viktor with a pointed look who rolled his eyes in response. "But also incredibly tough."
"I'm not going to be the one to tell her that you said she's idiotic." Ron mumbled. "She'll crawl right out of that bed and throttle anyone who says that."
"I'll throttle her myself." Ginny scoffed. "Coward."
A soft smile, the first one that had graced Fleur's face that day, took over the heiress. Despite the dark circumstances she found herself in and the confusion swimming in her brain, it was nice to see the light hearted banter between those friends again. Even if it was under awful conditions.
"She's probably just pretending to be asleep to escape your wrath." Viktor smirked.
"I don't think it's my wrath she needs to be worried about." Ginny looked at the curse breaker with a twinkle in her eye. "Right, Fleur?"
Fleur nodded her head, appreciating what the group was trying to do for her even though they had no obligation to do so. She knew she was doing a horrible job at masking her emotions right now and was grateful for the distraction and support they all offered. "Right."
/
Ten hours later, Fleur found herself wandering to the nearest coffee machine while Ginny was sprawled out across a couple of chairs, her head resting in Viktor's lap who had his head tilted back as he snored. Well, maybe it was Ron snoring while he drooled on himself, she couldn't be sure.
She was blankly watching as the liquid was dispensed into the small cup when Luna came rushing up to the veela.
"She's up."
The coffee was immediately forgotten as Fleur hurried back with the other blonde and the others jolted awake, piling into the unspeakable's room. Fleur was in the middle of the pack crowding into the small space and when she finally got in, she felt her heart drop into her stomach.
Hermione looked so broken. Angry red lines marred her skin, going across her face, arms, and legs. Her skin was still pale and her body looked frail. It was clear she was in pain, even with the medicine pumping into her.
"What are you all doing here?" Hermione muttered, looking at all of her friends. "Shouldn't you lot be at the ministry tying up loose ends?" She tried to joke with a smile, but no one was laughing.
"We can leave the paperwork to all the new people." Harry smiled sadly as he grabbed his friend's hand. "You're more important."
"I'm fine. See?" Hermione grimaced as she tried to sit up.
"Oh no you don't." A nurse rushed in, pushing past everyone to place a hand on Hermione's chest to keep her laying down. "You need to rest and you guys," she turned to give the group a scathing look. "Can't all be in here. One at a time."
"Oh, come off it." Ron scoffed, but shrunk in on himself when the nurse zeroed in on him.
"Out." She spoke sternly.
"Okay, okay." The elder Weasley held up his hands as he backed towards the curtain. "We just wanted to see her."
"You can take turns." The nurse replied haughtily as Hermione's eyes finally focused on Fleur standing near the back.
A guilty look overtook the brunette's countenance at the distraught look on Fleur's face. She didn't want the love of her life seeing her like this. It wasn't hard to tell that Fleur was worried and upset.
The look Hermione gave the heiress didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the group who stepped away.
"We'll let you two talk." Ginny looked to Hermione and then to Fleur. "I think you two have some catching up to do." She shot her friend a meaningful look who flinched in response. "Don't fuck this up." She mouthed to the injured witch before she started ushering everyone out. "We'll be in the waiting room if you need us." She called over her shoulder as everyone left except for Angelique and Fleur.
"I already 'ad all of ze staff sign a NDA." Angelique spoke as she approached the bedside. "I knew you would worry about it and didn't want you worrying about anyzing but getting better. Ze media 'as no idea you're 'ere."
Hermione let out a breath of relief. She hated that the first thing she had to worry about in a situation like this was the public finding out or worse, Rita Skeeter. She knew she was lucky she had someone like Angelique to cover for her. "Thank you."
Angelique nodded her head in response, glancing to Fleur who hadn't moved since she walked into the room. She looked like a statue and almost as pale as Hermione. She looked back to the bedridden witch to see her looking at Fleur with those puppy dog eyes and felt her heart sinking despite her wishing it wouldn't. She wished it was her that her friend looked at like that, but it would never be. She idly wondered when the sting would turn into a dull pain.
She cleared her throat, trying to push down her emotions. She could tell she wasn't the one Hermione wanted to be alone with right now and she would have to accept that, even if it hurt. "I'll leave you two to it. Just . . . listen to your nurse, okay?"
"She worries too much. I'll be fine." Hermione smiled lopsidedly at her friend who just gave Hermione's shoulder a light squeeze in response before heading out with the rest of the group.
"So zat is how it's going to be?" Fleur asked with a furrowed brow.
"How what is going to be?"
Fleur took a step forward, a frown etched onto her face. This whole situation was unfair and it felt like it was getting worse by the second. Hermione went through all that suffering, almost died and was laying in this hospital bed, just to be treated like a harlot in the tabloids instead of the war hero and savior she was. It wasn't fair. She deserved better.
"No one is going to know what we did? What you did? That once again, 'Ermione Granger almost died saving ze wizarding and muggle world?"
"No." Hermione shook her head with a sad smile, far too used to how things were these days. "No one will know. It's better this way."
"It's not right." Fleur balled her hands into tight fists, looking down. "People deserve to know."
"Fleur." Hermione tried to sit up once more, but found the task entirely too painful as she let out a soft groan.
Fleur's head shot up at the sound, immediately rushing to the unspeakable's side when she saw her in pain. "'Ermione. You need to take it easy." She lightly scolded Hermoine as she eased her back down.
"So you're my nurse now?" Hermione asked with a playful smile that came out more as a grimace, trying to ease the tense air surrounding them.
"I don't know what I am to you anymore." Fleur couldn't help muttering as a solemn look overtook Hermione's face. After finding out about all of the lies, after being kept in the dark for so long, Fleur didn't know how Hermione thought of her anymore.
"Fleur, I . . ." Hermione choked on the words, guilt ripping apart her insides at the distress she put the other girl through. This isn't how she wanted Fleur to find out about everything. She deserved more than a vial with a piece of her memories and a necklace. She knew she had a lot of explaining to do and she had planned to do so after she took down Malfoy and the death eaters on her own, but everything had gone south so fast and the best she could do was hastily put something together before she left her in bed. "I'm sorry. I didn't-"
"You almost died." Fleur grit her teeth as the hot tears she had tried to hold back for hours finally started rolling down her cheeks. She had held it together for as long as she could, but seeing Hermione covered in those cuts, reminding her of the blood that had been oozing out of them hours before, the blood she couldn't stop that covered her own hands and body, made everything come to the surface. She just couldn't do it anymore. "I 'eld you in my arms as you bled out. Zere was so much blood. So much . . . I zought . . . "
"I'm okay, Fleur." Hermione used what strength she had to grab Fleur's hand, doing what little she could to try to reassure the other witch. This is what she didn't want to happen. It killed her to see Fleur in pain, because of her. "See?"
"I am seeing and zat's ze problem." Fleur managed to get out through her tears. "Look at you 'Ermione. You're-"
"Yeah, I'm not very pretty anymore, am I?" Hermione sighed, attempting once more, albeit fruitlessly, to try to make the situation a little more lighthearted. "I'm told the marks will fade and disappear eventually though."
"I don't care about zat!" Fleur growled, her eyes lighting up a bright neon blue. How could Hermione think that some scars would change how she felt about her? Did she really think she was that shallow? "You could be marred for life and I would still find you beautiful. I still love you. Scars, no scars. It doesn't matter. I could never stop loving you, because believe me, I tried." She angrily wiped some tears from her face while Hermione's heart dropped at the reminder of how she had hurt Fleur before, of how Fleur had tried to forget her like she had tried to do the same, but it was impossible. "Even wiz ze lies . . ."
Hermione managed to go even paler at the mention of her deceit. She didn't want the heiress thinking she did this just because she was trying to get some sort of retribution. It was never about that and Fleur had to know she would never intentionally hurt her.
"Fleur, I never wanted to . . ." Hermione tried to be articulate, but it was hard when Fleur was standing there looking so upset. This must have been how the veela felt when she found out about the bet. It would seem the shoe was on the other foot now. "You have to understand . . . I was just trying to protect you."
"At what cost?" Fleur snipped, her eyes raking over Hermione's sickly form. She couldn't fathom why Hermione would do this to herself all just to protect her, when she thought she had proven time and time again how capable she was of taking care of herself. Does she really think this is what Fleur would have wanted? "What would I do if you . . . How could I possibly go on . . . If you . . ." The words lodged themselves in Fleur's throat as it bobbed, the ones she hadn't dared to utter even to herself. "If you died."
"But I didn't." Hermione defended herself weakly while Fleur shook her head, unable to even talk as thoughts of what could have been invaded her mind.
The veela dipped her head, hiding the fresh wave of tears streaming from her eyes behind long blonde strands. Her shoulders shook from the effort it took trying to hold them back, but it was a fruitless endeavor. That much was proven when her tears dripped down her chin to Hermione's bed sheet.
"Please don't cry." Hermione spoke softly, a new pain embedding itself into her chest at the sight of the heiress so broken all because of her. It was something Hermione never wanted to see again. In that moment, she vowed to never make Fleur cry again. "Please." Hermione reached her hand up to wipe away what tears she could.
Fleur cupped Hermione's hand on her face, relishing in the feeling at the slight warmth it emanated, reminding her Hermione really was alive. Still, it didn't take away the guilt she felt too at their situation.
Hermione jumped in front of Bellatrix's spell because of her. She wasn't quick enough so her ex shielded her. It shouldn't be like this. Hermione shouldn't be the one covered in cuts, hooked up to a bunch of machines. "It should be me on zat bed. Not you."
"I would never let that happen." Hermione spoke firmly, pushing Fleur's face gently so she was looking at her. Fleur had to know she didn't regret being hit with that spell and that it wasn't her fault. If it meant Fleur survived and was remotely unscathed, she would happily jump in front of any spell, even a killing curse. "I would do it a thousand times over if it meant that you were safe."
"It shouldn't 'ave come to zis." Fleur frowned. Hermione should have never had to jump in front of a spell for her. Hermione should have never been alone to begin with. She could have just let her in. She could have helped. She didn't have to be on this hospital bed. "You kept me in ze dark. I could 'ave 'elped. I could 'ave stopped her, but . . ." Broken blue eyes drifted off to the side as that familiar feeling of led filled her stomach. "But you didn't trust me."
"That's not why I didn't tell you Fleur." Hermione quickly replied. She didn't want Fleur thinking that was the reason why she held onto her secrets, because it was the furthest thing from the truth. She trusted Fleur with her life even after everything that happened. There were just so many moving parts and protocols she did not want to follow. "I'm sorry I made you think that, but that is not why."
"Why zen?" Fleur moved closer to the bed, desperate for answers. If it wasn't a matter of trust, then why? Why did Hermione shut her out while she had others helping her? Why was she not deemed worthy to be in the loop? "I don't understand. Why did you take zis on on your own? Why didn't you tell me you're an unspe-"
"I don't think you're allowed to say it Fleur." Hermione smiled lightly. "I think that's the purpose of the name."
Fleur scowled at Hermione's playful tone at such a time. "Zis isn't funny. None of zis is even slightly amusing."
"I'm not laughing." Hermione shook her head, regretting the joke, as she patted the bed in invitation for her ex to sit down. "Please, just hear me out."
Fleur carefully sat down so she wouldn't accidentally hurt the other girl, giving Hermione a meaningful look. It was time the unspeakable came clean. She deserved the truth. "I'm listening."
"I . . ." Hermione trailed off, not quite sure where to start with this whole messy situation. She licked her lips, trying to regain her bearings. "I"m assuming you got my letter and saw what I put in that vial." When Fleur nodded her head in confirmation, she continued. "Well, after everything that happened with you, with . . ." Hermione felt it hard to say the woman's name she just killed. Again. A thought she was trying to keep from her head and had been successful the last couple of minutes, but it was all coming back to her in painful flashes. "Bellatrix. I didn't know who I was anymore. I was so lost." Amber eyes drifted down.
"'Ermione." Fleur frowned when she saw the brunette having a difficult time. Knowing that Hermione was just as lost as her after the breakup didn't make her feel any better. It just made everything worse. She wanted to comfort Hermione, but the librarian shook her head, signaling for her to let her finish. If she didn't get this all out now, she didn't know if she would be able to later on.
"I found purpose again becoming . . . well, you know. I didn't want to just be a celebrity that hid in her books while everyone whispered behind her back. I wanted to be more." Hermione smiled sadly at Fleur. "I couldn't tell you at first, because . . ." She let out a sigh, flinching at what she was about to say and what Fleur's reaction would be. She knew how insulted the other witch would feel and rightfully so. Hermione was enraged for her when she found out. "You were under investigation too."
"What?" Fleur stiffened, offended at the mere notion that she would be accused of being involved in something so sinister. How could the ministry, no, Hermione, think that she could possibly be a part of that operation? She really thought she would help the likes of Bellatrix Lestrange? She thought Hermione knew her better than that. "You zought-"
"No, no." Hermione vehemently shook her head. Fleur would never do something that awful, not even close. She knew that even when they weren't on good terms. "I didn't think that for even a second. The moment they asked me to investigate you, I told them they were wasting their time. I know you would never do that. They didn't want to believe me, but with enough pushback, it was dismissed quite quickly."
"Okay." Fleur crossed her arms, eyeing the other girl warily. It was nice to know Hermione had defended her. She wouldn't question that, because of how warmly her friends welcomed her. Hermione had been defending her for quite a while it seemed. Still, this didn't explain the secrecy. "So zen why did you continue to lie?"
"Fleur." Hermione sighed, her shoulders sagging. Fleur had to understand her position and what she did. "What would you have done if you found out I was investigating Malfoy? That he could be helping death eaters and using us both?"
"I would 'ave zrottled zat little rat and sent 'im to azkaban far earlier zan I did." Fleur scowled.
"Exactly." Hermione nodded her head, the irritated veela proving her point. "I couldn't have that. I needed him to lure the other ones in. I needed you to remain in the dark."
"You made ze decision for me. Zat's not fair." Fleur challenged. "My whole life, my mozer, 'as made all of ze decisions for me." She gripped the bed sheets tightly. Even after escaping her clan, it would seem people were still deciding things for her. It was frustrating and infuriating. She could make her own decisions. She thought Hermione would respect that. "You gave me no choice. No chance."
"That's not what I was trying to do." Hermione rested her hand over Fleur's clenched fist. She hated that Fleur was comparing her to her suffocating mother. She never meant to make her feel like that. She just wanted to protect the girl she loved. She didn't want to lose her and there were many different ways that could have happened. She wanted to cry at just the thought, but she had to push through for Fleur. "You don't understand what they would have made me do if you had figured it out or I had told you. They would have seen it as a compromise to the entire mission."
"What?" Fleur grumbled. "Would zey 'ave you obliviate me too?"
"Well . . ." Hermione shifted her eyes to the side uneasily. "That is usually the protocall."
"What!?" Fleur's eyes lit up a bright neon blue. Hermione would treat her like that man she chased down in the alley? She would erase everything? "You would obliviate me!?"
"N-no! Hermione gripped Fleur's hand tighter, her heart constricting in her chest at just the thought. "I couldn't. What if I accidentally . . . what if you forgot . . ."
"About us?" Fleur finished Hermione's thought with a frown. For a moment, everything they experienced flashed before her eyes. Their first kiss in the astronomy tower, the museum, the lake, everything. The thought that all of that could be ripped from her in a matter of seconds made her feel sick.
"Yes." Hermione nodded her head, tears stinging her eyes at just the thought. "I couldn't risk that . . . so you have to understand. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't lose you." Hermione bit her lower lip as she held back her tears. The thought of Fleur looking at her with no recognition, not even the irritation she had when Hermione saw her again, just to see nothing was excruciating. She couldn't carry their memories by herself. She didn't think she was strong enough to. "Not again. Not after I just got you back. I wanted to tell you. So many times, but if I didn't obliviate you, someone else would have come to do the job and others are far more careless than me."
"We could 'ave kept it a secret . . ." Fleur mumbled, trying to find any argument she could to prove Hermione was wrong, but even she was finding it hard to find a flaw in Hermione's logic. She would never risk losing seeing that smile or scowl directed at her again. "I could 'ave taken an oath."
"They have eyes and ears everywhere and an oath was out of the question. I tried." Hermione murmured as she ducked her head. "They would never let anything compromise a mission. It was far too risky and if I'm being honest . . .I was also being selfish, Fleur." Hermione bit her lower lip as she struggled with her confession. "I was scared . . . I didn't want you to get hurt. You don't know the visions I was shown of you. Of what the death eaters were going to do to you. I couldn't let them." She grit her teeth, her eyes clenching closed as if that would block out the visions Phantasm showed her. As if that would erase all of the damage that had been done. "I know you're cross with me, as is everyone else, but I don't see how keeping you safe could be wrong." She opened her eyes, tears brimming in them as she pleaded with the French witch who didn't look angry anymore, just sad. "You're everything to me. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you."
"You can't take everyzing on by yourself." Fleur spoke softly, gripping the librarian's shoulder, her heart aching for the injured witch. Hermione had carried all of this, pretty much alone while Fleur had been there. She had never realized how much the other girl had been wrestling with while she was childishly holding on to her anger while Hermione was trying to protect her. "It was dangerous."
"I know. I just foolishly thought I could do it on my own. I thought I could keep you safe, but I made things so much worse. I thought I could right my wrongs by doing this. Keep dangerous objects out of the wrong people's hands, save more lives than I took, but . . ." The tears that Hermione had been trying to hold back finally dripped down her cheeks. She had worked so hard, pushed Fleur away, and for what?
Even though she had basically saved the world, it felt like she had accomplished nothing. She was right back where she started after the department of mysteries. A mess with a hollow victory.
She told herself if she could do it all over again, that she would find another way. That she wouldn't kill Bellatrix Lestrange, but she ended up repeating history even with all of her knowledge. "I don't think that's something you can change, because in the end, it didn't matter. I changed nothing. I hurt you again and I . . . I killed her. Again. I'm a monster." She choked out a sob. "I didn't want to, but she was going to hurt you. She was going to kill-"
"'Ermione." Fleur couldn't stand to see Hermione hurting so badly so she did the only thing she could think to do and pulled the sobbing girl into her arms. How she wished the simple act of holding the broken girl in her arms would fix her, but she knew it was just a temporary comfort. "Don't zink like zat. You did what you 'ad to. You are not ze monster. She is."
"But I-"
"Non." Fleur shook her head, holding the librarian tighter as if that would shield her from everything she had experienced in the last twenty four hours. As if that would erase all of the damage that had been done. "I need you to 'ear me when I say zis. You didn't do nozing. You did so much. She would 'ave brought back Voldemort. 'E would 'ave done unspeakable zings and Bellatrix . . . if she found you . . ." Fleur found it hard to swallow as she imagined all of the horrible things that would have and actually had been done to the bright witch. She couldn't begin to imagine the horrors Hermione had seen. It was too much for even the strongest person to take. "She would 'ave never let you go."
Hermione clutched Fleur's back, burying her head in her chest as she let the anguish she was feeling out while new tears fell down Fleur's face as everything crashed down around her. It was as if those words took her back to the cave, to the department of mysteries. She blocked it out, she really tried to at least, but it was so fresh.
She told herself when she woke up that what happened was nothing, that she could shake it off, but the reality was that she couldn't. Not yet. Now while she could still feel every curse that she had been hit with, every blow to her body, and every broken bone. Not while she could still feel that cursed blade in her hands embedding itself in Bellatrix's chest. It was all coming back in horrifying flashes while she hid in the safety of Fleur's arms.
Fleur pushed her face into Hermione's hair, keeping the librarian as close as possible. Her heart felt like it was shattered in her chest seeing the same girl who got in a snowball fight with her at Hogwarts so broken. She could feel the shards of her heart embedding themselves in the tissues and organs of her body as Hermione shook in her arms. How she wished Bellatrix was still alive so she could kill her herself for putting Hermione through this, not just once, but twice.
The war hero didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve whatever hell they put her through, whatever curses and pain they caused. If Fleur could, she would have taken it all for the brunette, but she couldn't.
"What did zey do to you?" Fleur managed to get out through her own tears.
It was a question Hermione couldn't bring herself to answer as she broke down in the veela's arms.
"I'm sorry." Was the only thing Hermione could get out. "I'm so sorry."
"Stop apologizing." Fleur mumbled as she stroked the back of Hermione's hair, attempting to soothe the distraught witch even though she was falling apart too. "I should 'ave figured it out." She inwardly berated herself for not being more witty, for not seeing the signs. Things could have been different. Hermione wouldn't be hurt if she had just opened her eyes. She wished she could turn back time and take all of Hermione's pain away, but it was too late. The damage had been done. "I should 'ave never let you out of my sight."
Hermione pulled back with a sniffle at Fleur's words. She didn't want the heiress to blame herself. None of this was her fault. She was the one who had been foolish, not Fleur. "This isn't your fault."
"And it's not yours eizer." Fleur smiled sadly as she wiped away Hermione's tears. She may not have been there the first time Hermione encountered Bellatrix in the department of mysteries, but she was here now. If Hermione was drowning, she would be her oxygen. She didn't have to deal with all of this alone. "You were so strong, but you don't 'ave to be anymore." She gently laid Hermione down with no resistance. She carefully took her place next to the brilliant witch who almost immediately curled up next to her and rested her head on her chest. "Let me be strong for you now."
As if Fleur opened a floodgate, more tears than Hermione knew she possessed silently spilled from her eyes as she clung to the curse breaker. The one thing anchoring her to sanity after everything that had happened. The rise and fall of Fleur's chest and the steady beat of her heart was all she had. She cried for hours while Fleur just held her, even after she fell asleep.
/
"What do you think you're doing?" The gray haired nurse hissed, rudely waking Fleur up after she had just managed to fall asleep.
She found it hard to rest when Hermione was so fitful in her own slumber. It had taken hours to soothe the war hero and she thought she might be able to finally rest when the coast was clear, but she was rarely afforded such a thing these days. That much was proven by the heated, disapproving look she was receiving.
Fleur squinted, blearly looking at the displeased woman. "I just-"
"You can't be sleeping in there with her." The older woman spoke in a hushed tone. "Miss Granger needs her rest."
"I know, I was trying to-"
"She was just trying to help Mione rest." Ginny jumped in from behind the nurse before the woman could further berate the sleepy veela who was starting to become irritated. "Which she is doing now, so we will go back to our designated area. No need to get your knickers in a twist."
The nurse went red in the face at Ginny's phrasing. "Well, I never." She huffed while Fleur reluctantly disentangled herself from the injured witch.
Fleur was slow in her movements so as not to bother Hermione who simply rolled over to continue her deep sleep. She gave the brunette one last look just to make sure she was really okay before she started heading towards the waiting room. She really didn't want to leave, but she also knew that nurse would probably drag her out if she refused.
"Zank you." Fleur mumbled to the red-head as they exited the room while the older woman glared at their backs.
"It's no problem." Ginny waved it off. "She's been getting on all of our nerves. I swear, she's worse than Madam Pomfrey."
"'Ow is she?" Angelique asked from her seat.
"As well as can be expected." Fleur sighed as she sat down next to the healer, her heart aching at just the memory of Hermione breaking down. She wasn't okay right now, but she hoped she would be soon. She deserved some peace. "She went zrough a lot."
"'Opefully for ze last time." Angelique mumbled as she crossed her arms.
"Maybe you should try to rest too." Ginny smiled kindly as she rested a hand on Fleur's shoulder.
She could see by the dark bags under Fleur's eyes that she hadn't really slept at all. She appreciated the French witch being there for her friend, something she stubbornly didn't think Fleur would have been capable of at Hogwarts, but she saw now how much Fleur truly cared for her friend. So, while her friend rested, she would take it upon herself to make sure the girl Hermione cared about was tended to as well.
Fleur was shocked by how warm Ginny was to her, considering how they left things at Hogwarts. She knew how protective the red-head was of her friend. She had been a victim to her wrath a couple of times so it was still surprising to see her worrying about her even after all of these years. Ginny really had changed or maybe she had always been this way and Fleur just hadn't gotten to see this side of her.
Fleur shook herself from her thoughts to respond to the girl looking at her with concerned green eyes. "I'm fine."
"You sure?" Ginny asked as she took a step back. It had been a long day for everyone and some rest would definitely do the French witch some good. "We can keep an eye on Mione and contact you when she wakes up."
"I'm sure." Fleur nodded her head. "Plus, I zink zey are resting enough for all of us." She nodded her head in the direction of Harry and Ron sleeping with their heads on Viktor's broad shoulders while Luna dozed on her own in her chair.
"How I wish I had a muggle camera." Ginny chuckled to herself as she started to walk away, but stopped mid motion, remembering the paper in her back pocket she had been bestowed. "Oh, before I forget." She turned back around, fishing out the envelope with Fleur's name on it before holding it out to the heiress. "This came for you while you were in there."
Fleur furrowed her brow, perplexed as she took the offered parchment. No one ever wrote to her anymore. Everyone gave up at least six months ago so who could possibly be contacting her now?
"Merci." She muttered as she looked at the cursive written on the envelope, a new wave of confusion washing over her. She would know that handwriting anywhere. It was Odette's.
She looked down at her own name glaring up at her for a moment, a feeling of apprehension filling her gut. Odette wouldn't write to her if it wasn't important or pertaining to her sister. It could be both. There was no way this was just a friendly letter seeing what she had been up to. Fleur had made it abundantly clear that she wanted to be left alone unless there was an emergency.
"I'll be back. Get me if Hermione wakes up." Fleur mumbled to Angelique who sleepily nodded her head as she got up to get some privacy. She walked down the hallways of the hospital until she was outside where no prying eyes could see what was written.
When she deemed it was safe, she shakily opened the letter, her eyes darting across the page. Her heart constricted painfully in her chest as she made her way through the letter, each word stabbing a knife into her chest. Every plea just embedded the blade further into her, constricting her lungs, and making it hard to breathe.
She reread it over and over again. Every time she hoped she had misread what was written, but no matter how many times she started over, the end was the same.
She didn't know what she was expecting when she saw Odette's handwriting, but it definitely wasn't this. This was something she should have been prepared for, yet it still caught her completely off guard.
Her sister was in distress and needed her. What's worse, was it was all her fault. She had put her younger sibling in this position and now Gabrielle was paying for Fleur's selfishness and immaturity.
"Merde." She choked out, running trembling fingers through long blonde strands as she held back a new onslaught of tears. Things just kept getting worse and worse today.
Tears stung her eyes as she sat there looking at the parchment. It was just her luck. Right when she thought she could start healing with Hermione, start over, something like this happened. Something was always getting in the way. It wasn't fair.
She knew there was a solution to this mess she made, but she didn't want to do it. She wanted to keep being selfish. She wanted to stay here with Hermione. It was clear the Gryffindor needed her now more than ever. However, if she stayed, she would be sacrificing her sister's happiness for her own. How could she live with herself knowing her sister was miserable just so she could live out her little fairytale? A fucked up fairytale, but it was the closest thing she had to one.
How could she possibly be expected to choose between her only sibling and Hermione? It wasn't what Odette meant to do, she was sure, but it was what she had to do.
She was being forced into a corner. A carefully laid trap by her own mother. Even she had to admit, it was well played. Using Gabrielle against her and pulling her away from the one person she had ever loved. The person currently passed out after being tortured and hit with a horrific curse.
Hermione already had enough going on right now. She didn't need this on top of everything else. Once again, Fleur was just adding to the brunette's problems. Hadn't Hermione suffered enough already?
'I can't do this to her.' She thought dejectedly to herself as she hung her head, defeat taking over every cell in her body.
Fleur sat outside wallowing in self pity for so long she lost track of time. It could have been hours or days and she would be none the wiser. Her eyes were bloodshot from all the tears she shed.
Now, she had nothing left in her as she stared blankly ahead with the letter in one hand and the silver necklace in the other. She knew what she had to do, but the knowledge didn't make anything better. Just worse.
Life had been nothing but cruel to her. She saw visions of the future she could have with Hermione and had been lucky enough to get another chance, only for it to be ripped from her. That life she saw on the beach with Hermione and children was exactly as it had been when she first saw it. A dream.
She should have known there would be no escaping her fate. That this was all temporary. It had been a foolish dream at best and now it was time to awaken from it.
She was alone, the way her mother had always intended for her to be. She had no one to turn to, not even Hermione. There was absolutely no way she could ask Hermione for help with this.
It was too much to ask of anyone. This was her mess that she had to clean up. The brilliant witch had already done and sacrificed entirely too much for her sake. She wouldn't have it happen again. Hermione deserved to live a life for herself, not for someone else. Not for someone that had ruined her for sport.
She had to say goodbye. For real this time. No matter how painful it was.
There would be no more smiles from the brunette. No more arguments. Nothing.
That thought alone made another tear spill down her cheek. The love of her life would be nothing but a beautiful memory. She didn't even get to spend another day with her to try to have one last good thing to cling to. Time was limited and the longer she waited, the harder it would be to undo her wrongs.
She couldn't let her fate be thrust on her little sister. Gabrielle didn't deserve it. This was her responsibility she left with her sibling when she decided to run away, but it was time she stopped running. It had been pointless to begin with. She knew it would all catch up to her eventually and it finally had. Her mother won. She always did.
She numbly looked down to the necklace dangling from her hands before pushing herself up to her feet. She had delayed this for as long as she could, but it was time to face harsh reality. If she took any longer, she might lose her nerve all together and run away again. She couldn't do that though. Not this time.
With heavy feet, she trudged back to the waiting room. It felt more like a walk to her own execution instead of a walk to Hermione's room. She couldn't bring herself to look at Hermione's friend's when she knew what she was about to do so she kept her head down as she approached Angelique.
"Is she still asleep?"
"Yeah." Angelique replied while Fleur nodded her head. "Where did you go for all this time?"
Fleur pointedly ignored Angelique's question as she avoided eye contact, trying to hide all signs of her distress. "Good."
"Fleur, what is-"
Before Angelique could further question the curse breaker, Fleur entered Hermione's room to see the nurse checking her vitals.
"Can I 'ave a moment wiz 'er?"
"She needs to-"
"Rest. I know." Fleur cut off the nurse before she could go on a tirade. "Zis will only take a moment. Please, can I just 'ave a couple of minutes?"
The veela looked like she was about to break down and it wasn't far from the truth. She would drop to her knees and beg the mean old woman if she had to. She needed this before she left.
"Fine." The nurse hesitantly complied. "But only a couple of minutes." She said in warning before she left Fleur with the unspeakable.
When they were finally alone, Fleur quietly walked up to Hermione's bedside, gripping her hand lightly in her own "'Ermione . . ." She held back a sob as she looked at the brunette's frail form. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to be there to help Hermione get through this. If it was up to her, she would never leave the bright witch's side again, but the choice had been ripped from her hands.
She hated what she was about to do. It wasn't hard for her to imagine Hermione waking up, confused and hurt, wondering where she went. All that she would be left with were questions as to why. Answers that she would never get. The same thing that had happened to her. It was something she wouldn't wish on anyone, especially Hermione. This wasn't revenge. It was just reality.
She had been forced to make an impossible decision. Hermione or her little sister. The answer was obvious, but it didn't make this entire situation easy or any less painful.
"You're going to 'ate me, but . . ." She pulled a chair up, running her thumb over Hermione's knuckles. "I 'ave to go." She almost broke down all over again just saying the words out loud to someone who couldn't hear her. She didn't want to hurt the girl that looked so broken in her hospital bed, but this wasn't her decision. "I don't want to." She put her forehead on the bed to hide her tears even though Hermione couldn't see them. "You 'ave to know I don't want to leave you, but zey gave me no choice. I don't expect you to ever forgive me." She lifted her head with a sniffle. "I understand. I wouldn't forgive me eizer."
Hermione was still unresponsive as Fleur shook from the effort it took to not completely dissolve into sobs. She reached forward, pushing some dark strands out of Hermione's face with a wistful look on her face. "I wish I could go to zat time machine and use it for my own selfish wants, because if . . ." She took in a deep breath, attempting to steady herself. "If I could turn back time . . ." She mumbled dejectedly. "I would 'ave never made zat bet. I would 'ave pursued you 'onestly. I would 'ave never 'urt you. Per'aps zen, you wouldn't be in zis 'ospital bed and I wouldn't be in zis situation. Per'aps we could . . ." Fleur trailed off, tears sliding down her cheeks as she got lost in what could have been, but the thought was useless. Reality was cruel.
Reality was a cold, lonely mansion. Reality was doing what was expected of her. Reality was letting Hermione Granger go, because out of all the things she had done, it was the least selfish thing she could do.
"I love you." Fleur whispered as she shakily placed the necklace in Hermione's limp hand. "Please, just know zat whatever 'appens, I love you." She carefully closed Hermione's fist around the jewelry as she stood up, the anguish of the whole situation starting to take over her entire body.
"I wish zings could be different. Zat we could be togezer, but life is 'ardly ever fair. I only temporarily escaped my cage, but now I must return." She smiled forlornly at the passed out witch who furrowed her brow in her sleep as if she could hear everything Fleur was saying, but she knew she couldn't. Hermione would never hear her confession. She would probably hate her for the rest of her life while Fleur pined for her, but it was a burden she would carry so Hermione could be free. "And I would not 'ave you locked up in it wiz me."
She took in Hermione's soft features even with the red lines covering her face and body. She hadn't left yet, but she already missed the Gryffindor that stole her heart all of those years ago at Hogwarts. "You deserve so much better zan I can give you and I 'ope you get it. I just want you to be 'appy and selfishly wish it could be wiz me." She squeezed Hermione's hand gently as she leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on the sleeping girl's lips.
Her lips lingered for longer than she had planned to, her eyes squeezing shut as one last tear ran down her cheek. It was more painful than she thought possible, knowing that this would be the last time she would get to kiss the unspeakable, even if it was one sided.
No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't stay in this room forever, so she reluctantly pulled away with the awful knowledge that she would never see Hermione Granger again.
"Per'aps in anozer life." She mumbled as she touched Hermione's cheek. "Goodbye 'Ermione."
Her hand fell limply to her side as she took a step back. Her legs felt like they were going to collapse beneath her, but she pushed on not just for her sake or Gabrielle's, but for Hermione's as well. She had to.
Before she could lose her nerve, she left the Gryffindor's hospital room, wiping the tears from her face. As she briskly walked by Angelique she managed to get out one last request from the healer before she disappeared.
"Take care of her."
AN: Jeeeeesus. Writing this reminded me why I needed a break from all the angst with Flowers haha the dramatics of it all. Sorry it was a super sad chapter, but I promise I won't hurt you guys for much longer. If anyone is still reading this, feel free to leave your thoughts if you feel inclined to do so :) I always do enjoy reading your thoughts :)
