Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or any of the characters etc…
Author's note: Thanks for the reviews, favs and follows – they do encourage me to keep writing! If anyone has seen a British crime drama called The Fall', you'll notice I've borrowed a little from a scene in a bar between the characters played by Gillian Anderson and Archie Panjabi.
I decided to write this because, like all of us, I was so dissatisfied with the way Gail and Holly's story was just dropped by Rookie Blue (especially as it had started with such promise). But I was also inspired by all the amazing Golly fanfic out there (as someone said ChapSitckLez deserves a fanfic award) and I've read so much of it that I'm wondering whether I'm also fan-ficing the fanfic (if that makes sense).
Just a warning, I didn't mean for this to be such a long chapter, but I couldn't find a good place to end it any earlier. Future chapters won't be quite so long! Also I have no beta - I've reread and reread this – but there will be mistakes.
…...
Holly wished she picked somewhere else to meet Gail. The hotel bar was dark and slightly drab. The majority of the patrons were middle-aged men in suits sitting alone. They had looked at her with interest as she'd entered the bar. Business trippers hoping to get lucky, guessed Holly. Settling into a booth, she decided to wait for Gail before ordering a drink.
Ten minutes passed. Perhaps Gail wasn't going to show. She thought Gail was interested in, well actually she didn't really know. That detective, Frankie Anderson, never seemed to leave her side. Was something going on there? Clearly she cared about Gail otherwise she wouldn't have warned Holly not to break Gail's heart. Frankie obviously knew enough about Gail and Holly's history that she thought a warning was necessary. Which was strange because Gail wasn't normally a sharer. Not with friends at least. Holly had been the exception, though she and Gail were never really just friends.
Had Frankie been warning Holly to back off? Asserting her claim? Then again she couldn't imagine Gail and Frankie together. Even from her brief exchange with the detective, she knew the two women were too similar. Peas in a pod. It would be like dating themselves. Although Frankie was a more abrasive and cockier version of Gail. She didn't have Gail's peculiar brand of charm that Holly found so alluring. Ugh, thought Holly, I need to stop torturing myself.
She looked up to see a ruddy-faced man by her table. The expensive cut of his suit didn't disguise the way the buttons on his business shirt strained across his belly. He had the look of someone who'd enjoyed too many lunches out on the expense account. If he had landed on her slab she'd have put bets on a heart attack. She noticed he was clutching two champagne glasses.
'Mind if I join you', he said, proffering one of the drinks. 'You look like you could use some company. I'm Trevor'.
Before she could respond, Gail slid into the booth and, draping an arm possessively across the back of the seat, leaned in to give Holly a lingering kiss. 'Sorry I'm late honey', she practically purred, her voice husky, before turning to regard Trevor. 'We didn't order champagne'. She smiled at him, except there was no warmth in her expression. It was haughty and a little bit dangerous and Holly had a sudden flash of Elaine Peck. She'd only met her once when she first started working at the morgue, before she knew Gail, and that one encounter had been enough.
Gail immediately turned back to face Holly, putting her back to Trevor, so he was left in doubt he'd been dismissed. If Holly hadn't been so dazed by the kiss, she would have found it hard not laugh at how he visibly shrank before Gail and backed away from the table.
For a moment Gail savored the delicious feeling of being so close to Holly. Even a brief kiss like that triggered a yearning in her. It was always this way with Holly. Once they had crossed the line of friendship when Gail kissed her in the interrogation room they couldn't keep away from each other, the need to constantly touch or kiss overwhelming.
Even if she sucked at reading Holly's feelings, Gail had always been confident about their physical attraction. 'You are completely irresistible', Holly told her not long after they got together. Sex had always been the easy part of their relationship. Gail knew she was good at sex, but that first time with Holly she had been nervous and only partly because she'd never slept with a woman. Sex with guys was simple – it didn't take much to satisfy them and she always felt slightly detached, even with Nick when she thought she was in love with him, but she didn't want that with Holly.
Holly had said she was a natural and the way she called out Gail's name as she came that first time and then held her so close made Gail believe her. Normally she liked distance after sex but she couldn't resist Holly's embrace, enveloped in a feeling so unfamiliar that in the past it would have made her bolt. She had realized with some wonder that it was a feeling of calm, which surprised her given how fervent, even desperate, the sex had been.
Now she wondered if she had overstepped with the kiss. For all she knew Holly had a girlfriend or might be married, it was legal in America now after all. Although she hadn't noticed a ring and surely she would have heard something about it on the gossip mill. When Holly didn't say anything, Gail moved her arm and sat back, putting a bit of distance between them. She hadn't really thought it through when she kissed Holly. In fact she didn't even know what overcame her.
'Sorry', Gail said softly, sounding slightly abashed, 'I just had to stop him talking'.
At this, Holly chuckled, and Gail wondered if she caught the reference to that kiss in the interrogation room. 'Well, it worked Gail. I don't think he'll be bothering us again'.
'So, can I buy you a drink'?
'I think I owe you one, after that'. Holly's tone was unmistakably flirtatious.
Gail smiled. By 'that' did Holly mean getting rid of Trevor or the kiss? 'Here to serve and protect', she wisecracked, but then seeing Holly frown slightly, she quickly added 'Not that you can't handle yourself. You get the next round'. Gail knew she making an assumption. Did Holly even plan on staying for more than one drink?
As Gail went to the bar to order, Holly couldn't help checking her out. She was wearing skin-tight black jeans, her trademark combat boots, a leather jacket and a buttoned shirt of a deep indigo color that set off her eyes. Her hair, while still short, was slightly longer than when Holly had cut it in her bathtub and appeared to be her natural color. Gail was always beautiful but she looked amazing. Somehow fitter and more relaxed.
'So I am actually sorry I was late', Gail said as put two beers down on the table. 'I was, well…', she trailed off.
'You were?' Holly raised her eyebrows quizzically.
'Oh, all right. I was swimming in the hotel pool'.
Holly suppressed a giggle. 'Swimming', she said, clearly skeptical.
'Yes, Holly, swimming. I injured my back chasing a perp about a year ago. Swimming is the only thing that helps it from going out again'. She shook her head. 'Anyway why is it so hard to believe that I would swim'.
Ah, Holly thought, that explained why she looked fitter. She laughed. 'You said yourself you don't do sports'. The comment immediately took Gail back to the batting cages when they were first friends and really, she thought, dating without putting a name to it.
'Well, it's hardly sport. Not your kind anyway. There are no bats or balls. On the plus side, I don't have noodle arms anymore'. Gail gave an impish shrug, clearly delighted by this development.
'So', said Holly, settling back into the booth, 'a detective, huh'. She remembered Gail telling her how she'd sabotaged her first application, making a half-arsed effort to get her mother off her back and at the same time ensure she wouldn't be promoted.
'Yeah, well at least they can't say I got it because of the Peck name'. Gail's tone was light but Holly could sense the bitterness beneath it.
'I heard about that, I mean Steve and your father. It was a little while after. I wanted to reach out but you were adamant you didn't want me to contact you'.
'I know', Gail sighed. 'The place I was in - I'm not sure it would have helped'. She knew Holly didn't understand why she had to cut contact once Holly left Toronto. Why she made her promise to let Gail make the first move when she was ready, even if she couldn't give Holly any indication of when or even if that would happen.
Gail was friends with her other exes and Holly didn't get why she was the exception. But those guys were idiots, thought Gail. With them she never felt the way she felt about Holly. Back then, with the two of them being pulled in different directions - Holly by her dream job and Gail so sure about staying to adopt Sophie - she couldn't tell Holly that she was the love of her life. That it would break her heart again and again every time she spoke to her. That she couldn't bear to hear about Holly moving on, making a new life away from her and eventually, no doubt, with a new girlfriend.
'How is Steve doing?' Holly had liked Steve despite the arrogance that sat beneath his charm, and which no doubt came from being, as Gail once described him, 'the Peck golden child'.
Gail shrugged. 'As well as can be expected for an ex-cop in prison. He's not exactly anyone's favorite. I visit when I can. The rest of 15 won't have anything to do with him, which I get. He'll be out in two months though. At least he's talking to me. I'm kinda dead to my parents'. She laughed hollowly.
'Oh Gail', Holly couldn't help but reach for her hand.
'No, no its okay Holly. No more Peck dinners. No more ExPecktations. It's kinda of liberating. Although it's a shame I had to destroy my family to be free of them'.
Holly's expression was sympathetic. 'You didn't destroy them. They did that to themselves. It was brave, what you did'.
Except it wasn't thought Gail. She had come close to lying on the stand for Steve. Outside the court room, her father was so devoid of warmth and so unyielding, so intent on coercing Gail to save Steve, his willingness to compromise her and his disregard of her feelings so depressingly familiar. She felt reduced to her child self, when she had no capacity to resist her parent's subtle bullying to do what they deemed right and which she often suspected was wrong. Then it had made her angry and small and reckless and, as she now recognized, had everything to do with her propensity for self-destruction.
'And what happened to Sophie?' Holly hardly dare ask.
'I had to give up on that. It was at the same time as Steve's court case. There was a couple who wanted to adopt her. They already had one child, a family. It was better for Sophie'.
Holly felt her heart break. How much had Gail had to endure? She cursed herself for not reaching out when she had heard about Steve.
'But Holly', Gail continued, 'I was kidding myself when I said I was ready to be a mom. Remember I told you sometimes I still acted like a teenager. It was true. I needed to grow up. I mean look what I did to our relationship'.
'Do you think it would have worked if I'd stayed?' Holly tried to keep the hopeful edge out of her voice.
Gail paused before she answered, clearly trying to choose her words carefully. 'I needed to sort myself out, and well, you, you ran as soon as I was stupid.
Oh, thought Holly, that hurt.
'Not that I blame you', Gail gave a sad shrug. 'I think we would have imploded'.
'And now?'
'Now', said Gail, deciding to answer the question as if it was about her alone, 'Now, I'm a work in progress. I see a therapist regularly'.
The therapist made sense to Holly. When they were together, Gail had been more open with Holly than with anyone else, but Holly knew there were still walls. This Gail, seated before her, seemed more self-reflective and less guarded.
'And are you seeing anyone now?'
Gail shook her head no.
'So Frankie…' Holly trailed off.
'We had a thing, well not really a thing. It was…' Gail screwed up her face as if looking for the right words. 'I mean we're friends'.
'So' said Holly a little caustically, trying to mask her jealousy, 'Fuck buddies'.
'Uhh. I guess'. How did she explain to Holly that Frankie was the only one who hadn't left. That in her own off-hand way Frankie understood how numb and broken Gail's family, and especially Steve's betrayal, had left her.
There had been others. Frankie said Gail was having her lesbian adolescence. At first Frankie was impressed and then a little resentful at how easy it was for Gail to pick up girls. Nothing lasted though, and ultimately it was just easier to have sex with Frankie. The sex was good, although not, as Frankie had boasted, the best sex of her life – because really nothing could top sex with Holly. When Gail realized it was becoming more than sex for Frankie she put an end to it.
'So nothing serious?'
'One. Sort of serious. It only lasted six months', which Gail realized was longer than she and Holly had been together. 'She's an architect. I met her when she came to draw up plans to renovate my house'.
'You have a house'. Holly's eyebrows arched in surprise.
'Yes. My grandmother died just after Steve went to prison. She, uh, actually left me quite a bit of money. She was the only Peck that didn't excommunicate me. So now I have a house and even a garden, and Chloe and I have planted vegetables'.
'Chloe?' Holy was confused. Was Gail living with Chloe whose incessant chatter and positivity drove her crazy? How much else had changed?
'Yeah, she needed somewhere to stay when she and Dov broke up. And it sort of worked, so she's still there. Although, I have a feeling the dork kingdom might soon be rejoicing their reunion'.
Holly was reeling at the information Gail had shared. She felt unsettled at the thought of Gail with Frankie, or if she was truthful, anyone else. She knew she had no right to feel this way. She needed to collect herself.
'Do you want another drink?' she asked.
'Actually I'm hungry. Do you want to get dinner', said Gail
Holly nodded. As they stood to leave, Trevor was suddenly there, blocking their way. He clearly had had quite a lot to drink since he had tried to pick up Holly, and he swayed slightly, his ruddy face belligerent.
'I don't believe you two are gay', he said 'You're too beautiful'.
'Excuse me', said Holly, beginning to bristle.
Gail stepped in front of the man. That dangerous smile was back. Gesturing to him, she said 'Look at you' and then pointing between Holly and herself, 'Look at us. In what universe would either of us prefer to go home with you'. Then taking Holly's hand, she swept past him and out into hotel lobby and walked straight into Frankie.
Frankie had found a companion since Gail had last seen her that morning. They had agreed, after Gail's presentation, to actually do some work and split the sessions. The woman was blonde and blue-eyed, her hair short like Gail's, but unlike Gail her skin was almost golden. She looked fresh-faced. Gail guessed she was not much more than twenty. Her name was Sandra, and she was with the San Francisco Police Department, so of course she knew Holly. Although, Holly looked slightly vague at that.
'So, Peck, where are you scurrying off to?' asked Frankie.
'Dinner'. Gail hoped her monosyllabic reply would discourage Frankie, but she had no such luck.
'We'll tag along', said Frankie, the glint in her eye unmistakably mischievous.
…...
Gail woke the following morning with a throbbing head. Her eyes felt grainy and her mouth stale. Great, she thought, hung-over. Turning in the bed, she saw a familiar brunette.
'Fuck, what have I done'?
