Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue or any of the characters….
Thanks again for the reviews, favs and follows. It is so wonderful to hear what readers think about this story. wkgreen hope you like the batting cages scene – it was inspired by your review. Gail's had a hard time in the last few chapters so things are quite a bit better for her in this one, but first she has to see her therapist.
Hope you enjoy – let me know what you think.
….
'So you must be relieved about Steve', Gail's therapist said.
Dr Leslie Castello had been seeing Gail regularly for a little over a year. In fact ever since Gail had shown up saying she didn't have much faith in head doctors but her brother was in prison, she'd been disowned by her parents, relinquished Sophie to another family and pushed Holly thousands of miles away and she figured she was the common denominator that needed to be fixed.
Not to mention the flashbacks to Perick. There seemed to be no pattern to the nightmares. Gail could go for months with out dreaming about the kidnapping and then for several days in a row she'd be rattled awake, her heart pounding, her body clammy, and that feeling of absolute terror she experienced in the basement cloaking her like a shroud that she couldn't shake off, even during her waking hours.
Today's session was drawing to a close and Leslie was concerned about how exhausted Gail looked. She knew the detective would find it hard not to feel at least partly responsible for Steve's hospitalisation.
'Yeah, I mean his speech is a little slurred and he has a tremor in his right hand, but Doctor Barrett is confident that can be mostly fixed with physical therapy. He won't be able to use a gun ever again, but then ex-cons aren't exactly allowed to own weapons', Gail said now.
The barb about guns confirmed what Leslie already knew - Steve's betrayal still cut deep.
'He's a bit down', Gail continued, 'which apparently is common in people who've had a head injury, so I'm visiting as much as I can.'
'You go back to work the day after tomorrow?' Leslie asked, and when Gail nodded, said 'So I guess that will make it harder to visit so often'.
'Yeah, but I can go before or after shift, as long as we don't pick up any big cases, and when I'm not there my parents are usually with him'.
'So do you think this has brought you and your parents closer?'
Gail snorted dismissively and screwed up her face. 'No, I'm mean at least my mother and I are talking, but my father must check when I'm at the hospital because I haven't seen him since that first day, even though Steve says he's there regularly'.
'That must be hard'.
'It is what it is', Gail shrugged but Leslie knew her well enough to sense the hurt that lay beneath the apparent indifference so she decided to probe further.
'I imagine it must be difficult knowing your parents visit Steve every day when they didn't come back when you were in hospital after being kidnapped'.
The untrained eye would have missed it, but Leslie saw that for the briefest of moments Gail looked stricken and then almost instantly her face became impassive. Ah, the shell is back in place, Leslie observed.
'Well, there is a difference. We didn't know if Steve would make it. I wasn't about to die. Anyway, aren't bedside vigils reserved for people we love'.
'You don't think your parents love you?'
'Leslie, I think we've established that's an emotion they don't feel for me', Gail said, her tone biting.
They'd gone over this many times. Gail, at least, had identified that her inability to trust in relationships and her pattern of choosing partners who would ultimately leave had its roots in her parent's rejection. Bill and Elaine's love was conditional upon her living up to their expectations, which had left Gail caught between pleasing them and being true to herself and failing miserably at both.
'What about your mother's intervention in the undercover operation? Wasn't that an act of love?' Leslie pushed.
'Ha, she was probably just making sure I didn't screw up', Gail said bitterly.
Over the past year Leslie had come to believe that Gail had accepted, if a little grudgingly, that her parents, in their own limited way, did love her. Clearly after this latest incident with Steve, Gail doubted even that. Leslie decided they would pursue this topic another day.
'It sounds like you were very brave and clear headed, which is amazing given the parallels with the kidnapping.' Leslie said.
Gail gave a self-deprecating laugh. 'You remember Leslie when we talked about how it was unlikely to happen again, well it seems like I drew the short straw again'.
'The important thing is you survived again', Leslie said firmly.
'You know, you're actually right in a way. When I was tied up in that storage room, I couldn't help but hope that I'd be rescued because I had been once before. And I had to have hope because I couldn't stand the thought of never seeing Holly again'.
'So have you told Holly about being held captive?'
Gail shook her head. 'And not about Perick either'.
'You said Holly wants you to be open with her. Why do you think you don't want to share this with her?'
Gail sighed. 'She did the autopsies on some of the women Perick took. She knows what they went through. I don't want her to imagine that could have happened to me. And'. Gail paused.
'And', prompted Leslie.
'Unlike most of the people I know, Holly doesn't look at me like I'm that broken girl kidnapped by a psychopath and I kind of like that'.
'You don't think Holly knows you well enough to see past that?'
'I don't want to push my luck', Gail said.
'Gail, we need to finish now. But I want you to consider telling Holly about the kidnapping. You said she was upset with you because you didn't tell her about Steve immediately. Wouldn't she want to know about something that has had such an impact on your life?'
Gail nodded, but the thought of telling Holly about Perick and her nightmares filled her with dread.
…..
The morning after Holly brought her home from the hospital Gail had woken to find Holly once again curled around her. Gail felt more refreshed than she had in weeks. She'd spent the previous two nights shifting uncomfortably in the plastic chair by Steve's bed, sleep coming in fits and starts. At least when she was awake she wasn't dreaming about Perick and Lucia.
Waking up this morning, she now got what people meant when they said they slept like a baby because that's exactly how she felt. Gail smiled to herself. Holly, sex and good food was obviously all she needed. Then she stopped smiling as she remembered what she had let slip in the shower.
Holly hadn't said anything about it. Not in the shower. Not later when they dried off and got dressed, still trading kisses until Holly said they needed to go downstairs because dinner would be ready. Not later in bed, when Gail immediately snuggled into Holly's side. Maybe Holly didn't think she meant it.
Gail was conscious that people tended to pick more profound moments and romantic settings to tell someone they loved them. Her shower was very fine but describing it as romantic was a stretch, although that orgasm had been profound, she smiled again. Well, she'd never been one for conventions and she had a feeling that was something Holly liked about her.
'What are you grinning about?' Holly asked, looking up at Gail with her own smile. Her voice was lazy with sleep, her eyes blinking slightly as she shifted into wakefulness.
'You', said Gail, thinking to herself that's it I'm officially a paid up member of the sap club, Chloe will rejoice, and just to confirm that membership she leant over and kissed Holly. 'Thank you for last night', she said, pulling back slightly from Holly and wondering if she should mention what she had said in the shower.
'Gail, I need to apologize for something'.
'I thought I was the one who needed to grovel'. Gail was puzzled.
'Well, yeah you do have some making up to do Peck', Holly arched an eyebrow, 'but I'm talking about the night you got back. I was so drunk and I didn't think about how you would be feeling after being undercover, and of course you were exhausted. I should have realized that when you were just drinking water. I feel like I was so selfish. I mean normally I don't get that drunk but'.
Before Holly could continue, Gail leaned in again and kissed her.
'You want me to shut up, don't you', Holly said, looking a little sheepish.
Gail nodded, her expression one of amusement. 'I've never seen you really drunk before. Who knew how handsy you'd get after a few drinks'.
'Uggh', Holly groaned flopping back on her pillow and pulling the bed sheet over her head, 'and in front of all my colleagues and half of 15'.
'Well, I think they'd understand', Gail said, her amusement growing.
Holly pulled the sheet down off her face and looked at Gail skeptically.
'I mean', Gail said, gesturing to herself with a playful smirk, 'all of this is hard to resist'.
Holly rolled her eyes and threw a pillow at Gail and then launched herself at her, and they wrestled for a bit, both giggling until Holly trapped Gail beneath her and pinned her arms above her head. Bringing her face so it was almost touching Gail's, Holly said 'You're incorrigible Gail Peck you know that'.
'I thought you were the incorrigible one, Stewart, the way you can't keep your hands off me'.
This elicited another smile from Holly, the slightly indulgent one she reserved for Gail when she said or did something audacious. Holly looked like she was about to kiss Gail, but then her expression turned serious. 'Would you have told me about Steve, if I'd been awake?'
'Um, I guess', Gail shifted, suddenly uncomfortable beneath Holly's gaze, and knowing she needed to be honest but also conscious that Holly might not like hearing the truth. 'I guess I wouldn't have had a choice if you'd been awake, I don't think you'd have let me get away with saying I had to go because I had a thing'.
'No', Holly said, 'Can you just erase that expression from your vocabulary? I don't want you to ever fob me off again by saying you've got a thing'.
Gail suddenly felt guilty. She had been so caught up in Holly that for a moment she had pushed thoughts of Steve to the back of her mind.
'I should get up. I need to get back to the hospital'.
'Honey, you know you don't need to go through this alone', Holly said, moving so Gail could sit up.
Gail nodded, but then said, 'If I had lied in court this wouldn't have happened. My father warned me, and I knew anyway what it would be like for an ex-cop in prison'.
Holly felt her heart break at the look of desolation on Gail's face. Taking her hand, Holly said firmly, 'Gail this is not your fault. No one is to blame for Steve going to prison but himself'.
And probably your parents for pushing you both too much, thought Holly but didn't say it out loud. She hated that Bill Peck had put Gail in this impossible position in the first place. Gail Peck could be many things. Obnoxious, rude and yes cold, even Holly had experienced what it was like when Gail decided to freeze you out, but Holly knew two things for sure, Gail was loyal and honest. No parent should have asked their child to choose between the two. It would have destroyed a lesser person, Holly realized.
'I just feel like I've let him down', Gail said, looking away from Holly.
'Gail, look at me', Holly titled Gail's chin up so she could see her face, 'you did everything you could to make sure Steve was okay in prison. You visited every week and now he's in hospital you've hardly left his bedside. I don't care what anyone, including your parents, say, but there is no way in the world Steve would blame you or think you let him down. He is lucky to have you as a sister. And don't think I'm just saying this because I'm your girlfriend because I know what I'm talking about.'
Holly spoke so forcefully and her gaze was so intent that Gail realized there was no use arguing with her. A part of her knew Holly was right, but she still couldn't shake the guilt.
'Alright, alright Holly, I get it', Gail smiled weakly, but as Holly leaned forward to pull her into a hug, Gail was struck by Holly's faith in her and the fierceness with which she defended her and it occurred to her that no one had ever done this for her before.
'Do you want me to come with you to the hospital today? It could be tough seeing Steve when he first comes out of the coma', Holly said, loosening her arms from around Gail and drawing back slightly.
'Thanks, but don't you have a job to go to Holly'. Gail's tone was teasing but Holly sensed she was using it as a deflection.
'Dr Carral would understand'.
Gail leaned into Holly and, taking her chin in her hand, kissed her gently. 'How about I call you if I need you there', she said softly.
Holly nodded. 'Okay, but no more radio silence agreed'.
'I promise', Gail said, her voice still quiet and her expression solemn.
…
As it turned out, Gail and Holly didn't see each other for another four days. The gang member shot execution style was the first of many as a turf war between two of Toronto's largest gangs escalated. Forensics were swamped and Holly wasn't finishing up at the morgue until well into the night. Any free time she had was spent looking for somewhere to live.
Lisa had stayed on at Rachel's place, understandably too unsettled to return to her apartment even after it was refurbished, deciding instead to put it on the market. She too was house hunting and, to Gail's horror, had mentioned how much she liked Gail's neighborhood. Lisa had even suggested she and Holly could get a place together.
Gail sensed that Holly, after the initial excitement of being with her friends again, was beginning to find the sorority house, as Gail had dubbed it, a little stifling. Especially as she was used to living on her own and had commented more than once that Lisa was okay in small doses. Holly hadn't said anything, but Gail was sure this was behind the urgency to move out.
All this coupled with Gail spending nearly all her time at the hospital meant it was impossible to find even a moment to see each other, and they decided if Holly stayed over they probably wouldn't get much sleep so the sensible course would be to wait until things settled.
'What about tomorrow evening', Holly now asked, wishing desperately that she could be talking to Gail in person rather than over the phone, 'Traci and Frankie have made some arrests for these gang murders, so unless someone else goes on a killing spree in Toronto, I should be able to leave work at a decent hour'.
'Um, I've got a thi', Gail stopped herself and instead said, 'I'm seeing my therapist'
'Oh', said Holly, 'That's good right?'
'Yeah, I mean its not about us. Well it is about us, I guess, because if I sort out my stuff it will be better for us. But the sessions are kind of intense. I usually need to go home and be on my own afterwards'.
'Okay, I get that', said Holly.
'But how about the night after?'
'Are you asking me out on a date detective?' Holly said flirtatiously.
'Well I did promise you dates'.
'Okay, on one condition', Holly said, 'I get to choose what we do'.
'Really Holly, who's asking who out on this date', Gail huffed, but her annoyance was feigned.
'Well Gail, I think you owe me big time after not telling me about Steve, so I'll take this as your first down payment'.
'Oh god, alright', Gail groaned, 'I guess we'll be going to some weird nerd place. What should I wear?'
'Just something very casual', Holly laughed, but Gail detected a note of glee in her voice and wondered, with a small measure of dread, what the doctor had in store for her. Clearly she really was going to pay.
As they ended the call, Gail noted that Holly still hadn't mentioned anything about what she had said in the shower. Gail had pondered this at length. Maybe Holly hadn't heard her. No she was pretty loud. She'd be surprised if Chloe hadn't heard her. Perhaps Holly had misheard her and thought Gail was saying she loved what Holly was doing to her at the time, which she had to admit was sensational. No, maybe Holly was just giving her some space. Allowing her to find the right moment to say it again. That made sense to Gail, and it occurred to her then that she wasn't actually that worried about blurting out that she loved Holly because she was almost completely certain Holly felt the same way. Now all she needed to do was think of the appropriate time to say it again.
…
'So I'm really happy with Steve's latest scans', Dr Barrett, or Alannah as she insisted Gail call her, was saying, 'and the good news is that we're going to move him from intensive care to his own room today'.
Gail smiled. Alannah had been quite a surprise. After her initial brusqueness, which Gail now realized came from the pressure she was under to respond quickly to Steve's case, the doctor had been pleasant and attentive, taking great care to explain what Steve was going through and the options for his treatment. The doctors had woken Steve from the induced coma without too much difficulty, and despite the seriousness of the head injury, its effects were relatively minor or, as Alannah put it, manageable. A nurse told Gail it would have been worse had Dr Barrett not acted so promptly to prevent further brain damage.
'Given Steve's age and fitness and with the support you've been giving him, I think he could make an almost full recovery with rehabilitation,' Alannah continued.
Gail let out a sigh of relief. 'That's good news'.
'At least he won't have to go back to prison. Prison infirmaries can be brutal'.
'Yeah,' Gail said, 'Did you know my father's suing the prison?'
'Oh, well I guess that could help with medical expenses. Recovery will be a long road'.
'My family can afford it', Gail said flatly, 'Steve was in prison because he did the wrong thing. It doesn't seem right that he'd get some big payout'.
'Gail, your brother actually seems like a good guy. You know sometimes it's easy to make one mistake that leads to another and suddenly you find yourself in deeper than you thought. It sounds like your parents put a lot of pressure on you two to live up to the Peck legacy and I'm guessing that might have had something to do with Steve's actions'
'But I didn't become corrupt,' Gail said, wondering where Alannah had heard about the Peck legacy, and thinking surely not from Lisa.
'Perhaps you're a stronger person', Alannah said with a warm smile.
Funny, Gail thought, that's exactly what her therapist had said.
'So, I've only seen Holly here that one time. Lisa said she wasn't sure how serious things were with you two', Alannah trailed off, suddenly less confident.
Gail gave a bitter laugh. 'Lisa would say that. She doesn't think I'm good enough for Holly. I thought she'd given up on trying to find a more', Gail made air quotes, 'suitable girlfriend for Holly. But you meet all the criteria. A doctor, successful, a good income and attractive'.
Gail was ticking off Lisa's criteria on her fingers, and when she got to attractive, the doctor started to blush. 'And apparently you once had a thing for Holly'.
'Oh', said Alannah, 'I'm not interested in Holly. Until I found out you two might be, well are, together, I was trying to figure out if it would be unprofessional of me to ask you out on a date'.
Gail's eyes widened in surprise. She hadn't picked up on that.
'Oh', she shifted awkwardly.
'So if you and Holly don't work out', Alannah smiled but left the sentence hanging.
'Um'. Gail didn't know what to say to this, except she hoped she would never have to date anyone other than Holly ever again.
'And Gail don't worry about Lisa. Holly has never done anything Lisa tells her to do unless she wants to. It's just easier to let Lisa think you're going along with her'.
…..
'It seems like I was barking up the wrong tree' Elaine said to Gail as they made their way to the hospital cafeteria. Steve was settled in his new room and a nurse had come to wash him, so the two women had decided to go for coffee. Gail looked at her mother in confusion.
'Sorry?' she said.
'Setting you up on all those dates with men. I was barking up the wrong tree', Elaine said as if this was completely obvious from her original statement and she shouldn't have to spell it out to Gail.
'Umm', Gail said, not sure how to respond. Was her mother making a reference to Gail's mangled analogy about being a cat in a tree? How would she even know about that? Surely Holly wouldn't have told her. She'd only spoken to Elaine briefly that day she came to get Gail from the hospital.
'Is it just Holly or?' Elaine now asked.
'Umm', Gail said again, wishing she was being even a little more articulate, and wondering how her mother had managed to avoid finding out about her thing with Frankie or that rookie from 27 who seemed okay until she got too interested in using her cuffs on Gail, not knowing that after being kidnapped Gail couldn't stand being restrained. 'No, I mean yes. It is just Holly now, but I'm gay'.
'I thought you were just being attention-seeking when you told us that time at dinner', Elaine admitted, 'That it was just like your Goth phase'.
Gail had guessed as much. Her parents had been too busy talking to Steve about some case he was involved in to take much notice of her announcement. She remembered her mother saying with an exasperated tone 'oh really Gail', as if to say 'what next' and then returning to the conversation with Steve.
'Well, I probably should have guessed', Elaine now said, 'the signs were all there. I'm pleased for you though. Holly seems very good for you'.
Very good for me, Gail thought incredulously, of course that would be Elaine's yardstick. Not does she make you happy? Is she the love of your life? No, without a doubt Elaine approved of Holly because not only was she a doctor but a forensic pathologist no less working for the city, and a high achieving one at that, and she probably hoped that some of that ambition might rub off on Gail.
'Although,' Elaine continued, 'if things don't work out with Holly, I think Dr Barrett has her eye on you'.
Gail rolled her eyes.
…
Holly had said casual so Gail dressed in her favorite pair of skintight black jeans, combat boots, a grey t-shirt and red leather jacket. Gail smiled to herself. She knew Holly couldn't keep her hands off her whenever she wore these particular jeans. If Gail wasn't going to have a say in where they were going or what they would be doing on this date, then at least she could run a little interference.
She went downstairs and found Chloe and Frankie in her kitchen. Chloe gave a low whistle when she saw her. 'Looking good Gail', she said.
'Who you trying to impress Peck?' Frankie was her surly self.
'Oh, she and Holly are having a date tonight', Chloe gushed, 'now have you trimmed in all the right places and I mean all the right places'.
'Geez, Price did you have to go there', Gail twisted her mouth in displeasure.
'Well you never know, Holly might want to go there so it's best to be prepared', Chloe said, her voice dripping with sweetness.
'Ever the boy scout, Price', Frankie laughed as Gail's expression became even more contorted. 'Don't worry Chloe from memory Peck was always well-groomed'.
'Really', Gail said in disbelief, 'okay, I don't want to hear anymore. I'm leaving'.
'Yeah, you don't want to keep a girl waiting', Frankie called after her, and, as she left, Gail heard Frankie and Chloe explode into giggles. When had those two become so thick, she wondered.
…
Holly was waiting by the curbside when Gail had pulled up outside Rachel's place to collect her for their date. Her sports bag was by her feet and Gail knew exactly where they were going. Oh yes, she thought, I am going to pay.
'Batting cages?' she said as Holly got in the car, slinging the sports bag onto the back seat.
'Now that's why you're a detective', Holly teased, leaning over to kiss Gail on the cheek, 'I need to teach you how to bat'.
'I thought you already did that?' Gail said innocently.
'Taught you to bat?' Holly furrowed her brow, clearly recalling their last visit to the batting cages where Gail gave a less than stellar performance on her one and only attempt to hit the ball.
'Taught me to bat for the other team', Gail clarified.
'Oh, ha ha, very funny Gail'.
Now at the batting cages, Holly, having adjusted Gail's stance, was attempting to demonstrate how to swing the bat. She had positioned herself behind Gail with her hands around Gail's, which were holding the bat. Gail, however, kept leaning further back into Holly and was too busy enjoying the sensation of having Holly pressed against her to be bothered concentrating on the instructions.
'Will I not be considered a very good lesbian until I prove I can hit a ball?' Gail deadpanned, suspecting she was going to be in trouble for not listening.
'Oh, I think you proven yourself to be an exceptional lesbian in many, many ways', Holly leaned in, her voice low and seductive, her breath against Gail's ear. Gail felt a delicious shiver run through her body and wondered how long she would have to endure the batting cages before she could get Holly very naked back at her house.
'So Gail, you know what to do?' Holly asked.
'Duh, yeah, its not rocket science Stewart', Gail said, screwing up her face.
Holly just smiled. 'Okay, I'm going to press the button'.
Gail gripped the bat tightly. Whatever she did she was determined not drop it this time. Before she could even blink the ball seem to be careering straight for her head, so she ducked down as low as she could and, yes of course, gave a girly shriek. She could hear Holly chortling behind her.
'What was that?' Holly exclaimed, barely able to get the words out between fits of laughter.
'I'll have you know Holly that particular ducking move comes in very handy when I'm dodging bullets', Gail said, trying to salvage some dignity, 'Anyway, Holly I thought you liked me and here you are trying to kill me again'.
While Gail was speaking, Holly had come back into the cage and now walked steadily toward her, not taking her eyes off Gail, who had removed her helmet and was now scowling at Holly petulantly.
'Gail Peck you have no idea how much I like you. In fact I don't just like you, I love you', Holly said, a huge smile on her face.
This time, Gail did drop the bat and, grabbing the front of Holly's shirt, pulled her towards her and into a fierce kiss. Okay, so Holly picks weird places to drop the l word too, was Gail's first thought, and then, this date isn't turning out to be too bad. After that, it took very little for Gail to persuade Holly to abandon the batting cages in favor of what she termed, with a suggestive lift of her eyebrows, 'much more fun exercise'.
