Finally, finally an update…way after it was promised. I had some major writer's block going on. Hopefully readers will remember where we are at with this case…even I had trouble! Anyway hope you enjoy. As always let me know.
Thanks to all those readers still sticking with this, following, favouriting and reviewing. It means a lot. I plan to update 'The Ex' next and then will either get back to this or get around to that final chapter of 'Elusive' at last.
…
'Okay, either we just got a lot of answers in that house or a shitload more questions,' Frankie said as she and Gail watched Col Jennings pull out of his driveway. After reversing onto to the road, Col hit the accelerator a little too hard so the tires squealed and the entire car juddered sideways. 'And what's with him.'.
'He sure didn't like it when I started asking about Melody,' Gail said as she followed Col's progress up the road until he made an abrupt turn, completely ignoring a stop sign. If they had wanted to unsettle him more, they could have ticketed him.
'And yet he was completely candid about Costa. I bet Col would have done a happy dance if we'd said we were there to arrest his stepson.' Frankie put the car in drive.
'He might just get to do that dance. Odds are Costa and Len are involved in Mitchell's murder. Which means they probably killed Melanie as well.'
'Yep. How else would they have known we found Mitchell's remains? It could be a lucky guess but nah,' Frankie shook her head. 'There are too many coincidences in this case. This has to be interconnected. I bet Palmer's up to his eyeballs as well. And don't say I told you so.'
Gail couldn't suppress a small smile but luckily Frankie was concentrating on the road and didn't catch it. 'But why did Len sell the club site to Viscom if he knew Melanie and Mitchell were buried there?' she mused.
'Maybe Len didn't know. Maybe he asked his errand boy Costa to dispose of the bodies and wasn't interested in finding out how or where. Makes it easier to deny involvement if you're ever pulled in for questioning.'
'It's possible,' Gail conceded.
'Hey, you think that was Steve's Melody?'
'It sure looked like her,' Gail said. 'I wonder if Dov has made the connection.'
'Dov?' Frankie sounded surprised.
'Um, I asked him to look into Melody when he got a chance. Something about her didn't gel.'
'Like her porn star name.'
'For starters.'
'So is she undercover? Normally people are given pretty bland aliases.'
'This is someone who knows Steve well or at least has done their homework. A name like that would appeal to his warped sense of humour.'
'True. But why go after Steve? He cut ties with the mob.'
'I dunno,' Gail blew out a frustrated breath. 'Maybe Steve's not as clean as he claims.'
To Gail's surprise Frankie didn't seem convinced but just as she began to demur, Gail's phone rang. When she saw it was Dov, she put the call on speaker.
'I can only trace Melody Allegro back six months and before that she didn't exist. At least I'm being locked out of any further searches on the police data base which means she's either in witness protection or—'
'An undercover cop,' Gail interrupted. 'See what you can find out about Melody Cooper. She's with Vancouver PD and I think she and Melody Allegro may be one and the same.'
'Why would they stick an undercover cop on Steve?' Dov asked. 'Oh shit. Shit. Is Steve still mixed up with these gangs?'
'Only reason he'd be under this kind of surveillance,' Gail replied tightly.
'Shit,' Dov said again. 'I'll see what I can dig up about Cooper. Maybe there's some other explanation. Maybe it's a coincidence. You know, you can't help who you fall for, even undercover. Shit,' Dov repeated again. Gail could practically feel him wince over the phone. 'I didn't mean—'
'Water under the bridge. Andy did me a favour,' Gail interrupted. 'Look who I ended up with.'
'Speaking of,' Frankie said when Gail rang off, 'next stop the morgue?' She jerked her head towards the backseat where Gail had placed Costa's forensic kit. 'I wouldn't mind getting Holly's opinion on that and you need to make it right with her.'
'Jeez, Anderson since when do you decide—' Gail started irritably but Frankie cut across her.
'Once we're done at the morgue, you get an early mark.'
'But,' Gail protested. 'What, am I in kindergarten now?'
'It's an order, Peck.'
Gail sniggered. 'Seriously, an early mark?'
'Don't you have a family dinner to get to?'
Gail let out a sigh. Frankie was right. She did need to smooth things over with Holly, preferably before they went to Becca and Carl's for dinner. No question about it, Gail had been a brat.
'And no need to thank me,' Frankie said loftily, like her magnanimity knew no bounds.
Sometimes Gail felt like she and Frankie knew each other almost as well as she knew Holly. When Gail had admitted as much Holly had had the strangest reaction or so Gail thought. 'Of course,' Holly had said, 'she's your work wife', like it was the most natural thing in the world.
'My what,' Gail had spluttered, forgetting she had taken a rather large bite of a chocolate sprinkled donut. Bits of dough sprayed onto the kitchen table while the rest became stuck in Gail's gullet and Holly had to thump her on the back. 'What and eew,' Gail said when she recovered, deeply unimpressed, a feeling that was not aided by the way Holly was trying not to laugh at her donut mishap. Nor was it helped by the (perhaps more important) criminal waste of the doughy goodness.
'Your work wife is someone at work with whom you share a close emotional bond, who is both a colleague and a friend,' Holly explained, still stifling a smirk at Gail's antics. 'Someone you can trust and confide in about personal and work issues. They are supportive and loyal and look out for you.'
Gail snorted. 'Who's your work wife? Rodney?'
Holly made a face. 'Actually, I don't have one at the moment, but think about it—Frankie fits the bill.'
'Oh god, I'm married to Frankie, kill me now,' Gail said as she grabbed another donut and shoved it in her mouth, her eyes popping comically as she realised she had literally bitten off more than she could chew.
This time Holly didn't suppress her laughter. 'That may well happen if you keep eating donuts like that.'
'It doesn't bother you?' Gail asked when she managed to swallow the chunk of dough.
'Your mastication of donuts or the fact that Frankie is your work wife?' Holly gave her a lopsided smile.
'My what the what of donuts?'
'The way you chew them.'
'I know what masticate means Holly, it's just you made it sound dirty.'
Holly laughed again, amused by Gail's ridiculousness.
'Frankie being my, my,' Gail stopped, unable to say the word. 'You know, does that bother you?'
'Frankie? Not in the least. It's good to know someone has your back out there.'
Gail frowned. She hated that Holly had to carry the knowledge that her job wasn't safe, and she knew that at times Holly struggled with the weight of that.
'But, hey you come home to me,' Holly said to lighten the somber turn the conversation had taken. She grinned to show it was said in jest, but then as if to underscore that it was indeed a demand, Holly bunched Gail's shirt in her fist and pulled her forward to kiss her rather forcefully.
Had any of her past lovers attempted to be so possessive, Gail would have swiftly put a stop to it but with Holly it was different. She didn't mind Holly laying claim to her because it was done in the knowledge that Gail felt a mutual and corresponding pull, which meant nothing about it felt proprietorial.
It was completely different to the overt way the men she had dated (including Nick who had cared about but not understood her, although not so much Chris who had been mostly sweet) would stake their claim, hooking an arm about her neck to clamp her against their side. She was the hot girl they imagined all other men (and probably quite a few women) wanted to fuck. The somewhat dubious (at least to Gail's thinking) status this conferred made them overlook the fact she was difficult and cold.
Holly snorted at that. 'Honey you are not difficult,' she told Gail, 'or an ice queen.' Holly reckoned difficult was code for not conforming to out-dated expectations of how a woman should behave, and anyway Gail's exes probably said that to mask their own inadequacies.
Yet for Gail, each failed relationship had made her more and more convinced she didn't deserve to be loved. Nick's verdict that she wasn't girlfriend material wasn't so much a blow (even though he had meant it as such) as confirmation of something Gail had long suspected. She hadn't admitted it at the time but Perick's readiness to treat her as an object on which to play out his sick fantasies had confirmed in her that feeling of worthlessness.
Perick hadn't liked it when she fought back. He was one of those men who preferred women to be docile and preferably supine, drugged and at his mercy. Thinking about Perick reminded Gail she needed to tell Holly about O'Leary's threat. Frankie was right about that too. Problem was Gail hadn't figured out how to broach it without making Holly more afraid for her.
…
'Standard issue,' Holly pronounced after looking through the contents of the kit. She peeled off her latex gloves with a snap.
'So how'd Costa get hold of it?' Frankie asked, 'no one here is missing a kit by any chance?'
Holly shook her head. 'Anyone can order one of these kits online. They even advertise them as,' Holly did air quotes, 'as used by forensic pathologists in the field.'
'So they're exact replicas.'
'Pretty much. The basic equipment anyway.'
'Why would anyone want a forensic kit,' Frankie screwed up her face.
The real question, detective,' Holly said, 'is why does Costa have one of these kits.'
Frankie grunted. 'Any theories?''
'It could be about getting his father's approval,' Holly mused, 'then again the Professor was never impressed by amateur sleuths. Costa does seem to have an unhealthy interest in our crime scene.'
'You could say that again,' Frankie agreed.
'Wait, by unhealthy do you mean it's like he's revisiting the dump sites?' Gail asked.
'Is that too far-fetched,' Holly did that thing where she tipped her head to one side, which caused Gail to smile. She had arrived at the morgue ready to grovel but so far Holly had made no mention of Gail's abruptness on the phone or indeed behaved towards her any differently.
'No, I think you might be spot on,' Gail said, 'Costa is creepy enough.'
'Doesn't necessarily make him a murderer,' Holly pointed out. 'By contrast his father was very normal, I guess. Charming too.'
'Normal for a nerd,' Gail teased.
Holly bumped her shoulder against Gail's. 'Very funny.'
'Okay, so maybe Costa didn't kill Melanie and Mitchell but disposed of the bodies,' Gail suggested. 'And he keeps showing up at the crime scene to find out what we know.'
'Or Cormann's sent him to check on us,' Frankie said.
'I'm guessing you want me to test this for DNA and fingerprints.' Holly indicated the kit,
Frankie nodded.
'Don't get your hopes up detective. From the looks of it, Costa has wiped everything clean. However, there is one thing that could tie him to the murders. Melanie and Mitchell's toes were severed cleanly, by someone who knew what they were doing and had the right tools. Chou's henchmen aren't so precise.'
'How so?' Frankie asked.
'They literally hacked the toes off their victims. No finesse. Antemortem not post.'
Frankie winced. 'Could you prove it was done with one of the scalpels from the kit.'
'Not definitively but, given how cleanly it was done, I'd be putting my money on something like a scalpel.'
'Before we get ahead of ourselves, don't forget Costa's stepfather described him as itinerant. We should find out if Costa was in Toronto when Mitchell and Melanie disappeared.' Gail suggested.
I'll get Dov onto it,' Frankie nodded. 'Anything else we should know about doc?'
'Um,' Holly hesitated. 'It's not connected to this case but Kramer was here earlier.'
'We heard,' Gail said, 'McNally said you handled it.'
'Yes. No. I ordered her out of the morgue. Was that bad?'
Frankie laughed. 'I wish I could have seen her face. About time someone told Kramer to take a hike.'
'She cornered Wilson in the break room and started asking him questions about Gail and me and if we've ever crossed professional lines.'
Gail took a step towards Holly. God, she really wished Frankie wasn't in the room. 'I'm sorry,' she said, her voice low. 'On the phone when you said someone was here to speak to you I didn't realise it was Kramer.'
'That wasn't Kramer. She'd gone by then. No, that was your mother.'
'My mother?' Now Gail was puzzled. 'That's weird.'
'She said she wanted to check how I was holding up under the IA investigation. Then on her way out she very casually asked if Steve seemed well when you saw him yesterday.'
Gail went very still. 'What did you tell her?'
'Nothing. I just looked at her blankly and said you hadn't see Steve for months.'
'And Elaine was satisfied with that?'
'No, but she was hardly going to call me a liar.'
'I guess not,' Gail said, but she was only half listening to Holly because suddenly it all began to make sense. She could literally see the pieces fall into place one after the other and the whole picture was so damming Gail wished she could just run, leave the case to Frankie to solve, because if she was right then she might be about to put both her mother and brother behind bars.
'I don't understand why Elaine is obsessed with keeping you away from Steve,' Holly said.
So Gail explained about Melody and her surprise connection to Costa and how it looked like she was an undercover cop or a bent one or both and how it was possible—hell, probable—Melody was keeping tabs on Steve because he was still working for O'Leary or Chou or both. That O'Leary's behaviour in the interview now made sense because clearly he was trying to throw her off.
'What do you mean O'Leary's behaviour? What did he do?' Holly asked sharply.
'Nothing really. He was just a jerk,' Gail flapped her hand to indicate O'Leary's treatment of her was of no consequence.
'Gail you need to,' Frankie hissed, which drew Holly's focus away from Gail for a moment.
'Later,' Gail's voice was impatient. 'There is only one reason Elaine is protecting Steve—she is working for Chou.'
'Huh?' Holly crinkled her brow. 'I'm not buying it.'
Gail shook her head slightly as though frustrated that Holly wasn't keeping up. 'Think about it—Elaine spared nothing to go after O'Leary. Getting him off the streets gave Chou free reign in Toronto. My mother made that possible.'
'Still not buying it,' Holly said. 'I can't see Elaine getting involved in human trafficking or allowing it to go unchecked.'
'Me either,' Frankie piped up.
'Yeah, well I couldn't see my brother selling out to O'Leary.' Gail's voice was bitter. 'But that happened.'
'Honey,' Holly's voice was gentle. 'One minute you're accusing your mother of orchestrating Francine's murder and now you're saying she's working for Chou. I hate to say it, but maybe you're being too quick to jump to conclusions.'
'And maybe you just see good in people.'
'In my job?' Holly looked at her incredulously. 'I think I might just get to see some of the absolute worst that humanity has to offer.'
Gail ducked her head apologetically. 'Yeah, of course.'
'Okay. Here's another way of looking at it. This will probably sound stupid but,' Holly paused.
Gail looked at her expectantly, trying not to be hopeful. Surely even Holly with her big brain couldn't find a benign explanation for why Steve kept popping up in the investigation.
'Is it possible Steve is working with Melody?'
Gail made a face. 'I wish but nah. He would have told me. And the way he talked about Melody, it was too convincing to be a cover story.'
'Except he's deceived you before.' It was said gently. Holly knew how much this hurt.
'Yeah, I know,' Gail's lips quirked downwards.
'And the whole baby thing. That means they're sleeping together. Is that normal undercover?'
'It's frowned upon but,' Frankie said, 'some undercover cops will do whatever it takes. Especially the ones who have been undercover for years, it becomes the only life they know.'
'But Melody has only been on the scene for what five, six months?' Holly said.
'Which means Steve knocked her up fast,' Gail said, clearly not believing this to be the case. 'She probably figured it was a perfect way to hook him in, pretending she was pregnant.'
'Except he'd notice if months went by and there was no baby bump.'
'Maybe Melody plans to wrap this up before it comes to that. Or given her connection to Costa, maybe she's just as dirty as Steve. Maybe they are all in this together, including my mother,' Gail said flatly.
'Or maybe your mother has masterminded this whole operation to bring down Chou', Holly demurred. 'And if Steve and Melody are working to convict Chou, no wonder Elaine is not too happy to find out you two were poking around London.'
Gail looked at Holly doubtfully.
'Sounds as plausible as any of our other theories,' Frankie said. 'I'm heading back to 15. Gail, you might want to tell Holly a bit more about our talk with O'Leary.'
'Yeah, yeah,' Gail waved her off
…..
Holly didn't ask what Frankie meant by that until they were back at Alana's apartment. The plan was to grab a quick shower and change of clothes before dinner—the prison visit had left Gail feeling grimy, and after a day in the morgue lab, the faint smell of formaldehyde always clung to Holly.
'So,' Holly said as she began unbutton her shirt, 'what do you need to tell me about O'Leary.'
Gail bit her lip. She didn't speak immediately and when she did, rather than answer Holly's question, she blurted out the apology she'd been holding onto ever since the terse phone conversation in the car.
'I'm sorry for being a brat when you called. O'Leary knowing where Steve was in London threw me and, look I know none of this is an excuse, but then,' Gail faltered.
She really should come clean about Perick and the longer she delayed, the harder it would be to tell Holly.
'But then,' she tried again. Holly was looking so concerned that rather than spur her on, it made Gail cop out. 'Anyhow, I don't blame you for being mad at me. I'm mad at me.'
'Gail, I'm not mad at you. I know you're under a lot of pressure. We both are,' Holly sighed. 'And yeah it felt a bit like you were being a cat up a tree but not for long, so that's good right.'
'Yeah, I guess.' Gail said without much conviction, still feeling guilty for shutting Holly out. She began to pull off her boots, a frown on her face. Maybe she didn't need to tell Holly about Perick. It was probably nothing anyway—just O'Leary mouthing off.
But Holly wasn't stupid and she knew Gail well enough to recognise she was holding back. 'And then what did O'Leary say?'
'Um, what?' Gail pretended to be distracted by choosing fresh clothes to wear.
'Gail, it's obvious O'Leary did something more to upset you.'
Gail swallowed. She would do anything to avoid it, but she had to tell Holly. 'O'Leary said Perick still talks about me to anyone who'll listen,' Gail's voice was quiet and far more steady than she felt.
'Oh Gail,' Holly breathed. She crossed the room and pulled Gail to her.
Gail, who had been holding herself tight ever since she left the prison, let go and allowed Holly to envelop her. For some minutes they were both quiet and still, as though by staying this way they could keep at bay the threat not just of Perick, but all the threats that seemed to be piling up without end.
'You told Oliver,' Holly loosened her grip on Gail a little but didn't release her.
Gail bobbed her head.
'And he's taking this seriously?'
'Of course,' Gail pulled back now and looked at Holly. What she saw caused her chest to constrict. Holly had paled and her forehead was creased with worry. 'There will be an investigation and in the meantime Perick will be put in solitary as a precaution. The prison will watch him like a hawk.'
'Good,' Holly said, 'so why aren't you off the case?'
'Holly, this is my job. You know that—,' Gail began but Holly interrupted.
'But you've been threatened and not just by anyone—by Perick! Oliver and Frankie can't expect you to remain on the investigation.'
'They don't. Both Oliver and Frankie offered me an out but I want to stick with it. I need to see this through.'
'Honey, now is not the time to play hero or try to live up to your parent's crazy expectations,' Holly tried to reason. There was an edge to her tone which may have been exasperation, but Gail feared could just as easily be anger. 'There is nothing to be gained by being stoic.'
'You think that's what I'm doing?' Gail asked in disbelief. She stepped completely away from Holly. 'I've got more chance of figuring out if the Perick threat is real if I'm on this case. That's the best way I know to keep myself—to keep us—safe.'
Holly uttered a small 'oh' but whether it was one of agreement or incredulity, it was hard to tell.
'And I can't quit now it looks like Steve is mixed up in the investigation.' Gail was adamant.
Holly didn't say anything but took at step towards Gail, her movements slow and careful. She placed her hands on either side of Gail's face and regarded her so intently it almost hurt. 'Promise me you'll never underestimate Perick,' Holly said, her voice hushed.
'Never,' Gail replied solemnly. 'I know what he's capable of.'
Again Holly didn't immediately respond. Her hands still cupped Gail's cheeks and she was standing so close Gail could feel her breath upon her lips. If Gail were to lean forward just slightly she could brush her lips up against Holly's but Holly was too intent on scanning her face, looking Gail supposed for confirmation that she did indeed take the threat of Perick seriously. Finally, as if satisfied, Holly gave a curt nod and, dropping her hands, took a step back from Gail.
'No heroics. Don't even think about talking to Perick.' This said firmly. Holly didn't only want a promise from Gail, no this felt like a condition, and if Gail refused? Would Holly forgive her? Gail wasn't sure she wanted to test that out given the very determined look on Holly's face.
'Holly,' Gail's voice was soft and she reached for Holly's hand. 'O'Leary was probably talking out of his ass. He was trying to unsettle me. What's the bet he and Perick haven't even crossed paths in prison.'
Holly didn't look convinced.
'But we're treating this seriously,' Gail reassured her hastily.
Now she did lean forward and pressed a soft kiss against Holly's mouth. Once again she felt Holly's arms around her. Again they remained like that for a while, not speaking, the only sounds coming from the traffic on the street several floors down, a plane going overhead, the drone of its engine gradually receding, and then finally the thump, thump, thump of Holly's heart, beating far too fast and far too loudly. If Gail had needed proof Holly was frightened, this was it.
'I'm sorry,' she said simply.
'It's not your fault Perick is a maniac.'
Gail sighed. 'Not just Perick. I'm sorry for everything. For being an ass—'
Holly put a finger to Gail's lips.
'Shh, enough,' she said. She kissed Gail then. An unhurried kiss as if time were no issue and yet Gail had the sense Holly was savouring it, as though committing it to memory, stockpiling it lest this be among the last of their kisses. It broke Gail's heart a little more. Even so, in that moment she felt the absoluteness of Holly's love. More than anything Gail wished she could turn her back on this investigation and allay Holly's fears but she was in too deep and it felt too late for that.
….
'Gin?' Gail raised an eyebrow as Becca handed her a tall glass with a generous amount of ice and a strawberry.
'And tonic,' Becca said. 'I'm having a gin craze at the moment. This particular gin is made with blueberries and blackberries and of course juniper, which is why you add the strawberry rather than a slice of lemon or lime. It brings out the berry notes, although I also think you'll notice an underlying hint of coriander and orange peel.'
'Aromatic botanicals?' Holly smirked, making Gail think this was an old joke.
'Oh most def—,' Becca stopped and laughingly said, 'You're mocking me.'
'Not your first gin rodeo, Becca?' Gail said as Holly shook her head vigorously.
'For that, Holly, I might only share the very special pink gin I was saving for next with Gail,' Becca said, although her grin belied her words.
'Do you get the feeling Gail's the favourite now?' Zac crossed his arms and pretended to pout.
'Well,' Holly drew out the word as if giving this notion serious consideration. 'What's not to love.' She learnt over and gave Gail a kiss on the cheek, smiling as Gail blushed.
'You know I don't have favourites,' Becca insisted. 'What do you think of this gin, Gail?"
'Mmm. Very nice.' Gail took a sip of her drink, and tried to think of a way to steer the conversation in a different direction. This talk of favourites was making her uncomfortable. She knew she was Holly's favourite but until Holly came along, being someone's first—in fact their only—choice had not been something she was neither used to or believed she deserved. 'I thought gin was for break-ups.'
'Break-ups? Who's breaking up?' Carl asked as he came into the kitchen holding a lettuce he had picked from the vegetable garden. Out of he and Becca, Carl was the better cook and enjoyed whipping up dishes for his family, which meant he usually took charge of the dinner.
Becca described herself as the kitchen serf—chopping and dicing with great precision and at an alarming speed while managing to hold a rapid fire conversation, waving the knife about every time she wanted to make a point. Gail was worried Becca could slice off a finger, but the other Stewarts didn't seemed fazed.
Gail had offered to help, which had surprised Holly but then she didn't know that Elaine had taught her children that this was expected of guests, however Becca and Carl insisted they had dinner under control. Somehow, between the stories and the gin and the ribbing, this seemed to be true and they were assembling a vegetarian feast which Gail had to admit smelled amazing. She hadn't had time to eat properly today and was astonished no one had commented on her growling stomach. The lack of food certainly explained why one gin was making her light-headed.
'Breaking up. Not these two,' Zach nodded toward Gail and Holly who were leaning, shoulder to shoulder, with their backs against the kitchen counter.
'Gin,' Gail clarified, holding up her glass, 'I was told it was what you drank when you broke-up with someone.'
'Any liquor with a high alcohol content like gin will act as a depressant if drunk in large quantities or in a short space of time,' Holly said.
'Here we go,' Zach teased, settling back against the counter next to Holly as if readying himself for a long dissertation. 'You were saying.'
Holly poked out her tongue. 'Brat,' she said.
'But tequila makes me happy,' Gail pointed out.
'Ethanol is ethanol,' Holly shrugged.
'Meaning?'
'Alcohol is a sedative and depresses the central nervous system, which makes you less able to regulate your thoughts and feelings. Basically less inhibited. So if you are feeling emotional about something you're more likely to express it. Look at it like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Gail, when you're in the mood to celebrate, you drink tequila right.'
Gail nodded in agreement.
'And if you are drowning your sorrows because the love of your life just walked out and gin is your go to drink then you associate it with heartbreak.'
'There endeth the science lesson,' Zac smirked and Holly punched him in the arm. Not hard, but he rubbed the spot like she had. 'Didn't even hurt. I thought you were the jock of the family.'
'Like you weren't good at sport, Zac,' Holly said.
Gail sniggered. The bantering and teasing was so like how she and Steve used to behave, and almost immediately her heart faltered at that memory. They would never have that again—the ease and deep rooted but unspoken affection that comes from having grown up together as a unit, two amigos who often as not functioned as a counterbalance to her parents
'So is gin your go to drink when your heart is broken,' Zac turned to Gail.
'The one time it was truly broken it was tequila,' she replied, looking at Holly, 'which for once actually made me miserable.'
'I stayed sober,' Holly said in a way that made it clear she and Gail were talking about different sides of the same experience.
'Why?' Zac asked.
'I thought I should process.'
'And did you?'
'Hardly,' Holly scoffed.
'You can't have been heartbroken for the whole two years you were in San Francisco.'
'Yep. Pretty much. The last couple of months were okay though,' Holly grinned at Gail meaningfully.
That was when they were back together. Before going undercover in Vancouver, Gail had managed a memorable visit where the only thing that drove them out of bed was the need for food and the occasional bathroom break. The first time they dated, Holly and Gail discovered, to their mutual delight, that when it came to sex they were both fairly adventurous.
That visit, they had fucked so much and practically in every which way. Gail recalled at one point surveying their naked bodies, stretched out on the bed, sated and bearing the marks of their activities. There were light scratches here and there, purpling where one or the other had sucked a little hard, a slight indentation on her left shoulder where Holly had bitten down in the midst of her own pleasure, and in places their skin was smeared with traces of their very many orgasms.
Not really the best thing to think about while standing your girlfriend's parent's kitchen, Gail had to admit, but then it seemed Holly may also be reliving that memory, because she learnt over and whispered 'that was a good visit' and then kissed Gail. Just quickly but enough so that Zac made some ewwwing sounds. This time it was Gail who punched him in the arm but harder than Holly had because she was used to playing rough with Steve, who never held back because of her gender.
'Oww,' Zac said, 'Your girl packs a punch, Holly.'
'You asked for it,' Holly grinned, putting an arm around Gail.
'More gin?' Becca asked, smiling fondly at their antics.
'You know it was called mother's ruin,' Gail said, recollecting a magazine article she'd read last time she was waiting to see her therapist.
Holly held up her glass, tipping it side to side so the last of the clear fluid swilled across the ice.
'Is that what you're trying to do, ruin us,' Zach teased Becca.
'I think it was the mothers themselves who were ruined,' Gail said, quite pleased she had her own nerdy titbit to share. 'After gin was introduced in Britain it started a gin craze. Gin was cheap to make and buy so it quickly became the drink of the working class.'
'That's right,' Holly said, 'but didn't a whole lot of people die people from alcoholic poisoning.'
'Yep and British Parliament got all hysterical and hiked up the taxes on gin to make it more expensive so the poor couldn't afford it, which then led to gin riots.'
'I do love a good protest,' Becca clapped her hands together. 'Did it work?'
'Well, apparently Parliament backed down a bit and reduced the taxes,' Gail said, 'but not by much and so gin became a drink only the well off could afford.'
'Actually there was no evidence women consumed more gin or that it had a deleterious effect on them,' Holly added. 'You know early on it was marketed as a tonic for everything from stomach problems to gout and gallstones.'
'You two will totally have nerd babies,' Zac quipped
'Don't listen to him,' Carl said, as he pulled a steaming dish out of the oven. 'Zac topped law school.'
'Beauty and brains.' Zac's smirk was so like Holly's but there was a brashness to him that Holly didn't share
The other three groaned in unison like they were used to this behaviour.
'So can I take it babies are a live conversation?' Becca asked, a hopeful note in her voice.
'Mom,' Zac groaned.
'Just saying now Carl and I are back in town we can help out.'
'That's not going to make any difference to Zac given he lives on another continent,' Holly pointed out as if that settled the matter.
'Not for long,' Zac said, a grin spilling over his face in that irrepressible way of people who have news they are bursting to share. Gail had noticed Zac was keyed up all evening and not knowing him well had figured this was normal for him. 'I've been offered a job here in Toronto. I'm moving back in six weeks.'
'What?' Holly exclaimed and then pulled Zac into a hug. 'And how?'
'Mom and Dad knew but I didn't want to say anything until it was confirmed. I had an interview with a firm here that specialises in human rights. Anyway, they called last night and offered me the job.'
'Hence the celebratory gin,' Becca winked, 'and Zac is being far too modest. The firm head hunted him.'
'Congratulations,' Gail raised her glass.
'So with Zac back in town it will make it much easier for you to get pregnant, Gail.'
Gail had just taken a swig of gin but not much of it made its way down her gullet. Most of it sprayed across the kitchen in a wide arc and the tiny bit that remained ended up in the wrong pipe—the trachea she could hear Holly say—and Gail started to splutter and cough. Zac laughed and Holly patted her on the back, while Carl found a cloth to wipe up the floor. 'You, you know about that,' Gail said weakly, wiping tears from her eyes.
'It's all Lisa can talk about,' Becca said excitedly and then her face fell. 'Oh, have I overstepped. I've overstepped haven't I?'
'Ah perhaps a little,' Carl said as he wrung out the dishcloth.
'Mom, it wasn't exactly a conversation. Lisa just threw it out there, you know how she does. Mostly to be provocative.'
'So you haven't agreed Zac?' Becca asked, valiantly trying not to sound disappointed.
'Um,' Zac went red, and Gail might have enjoyed his discomfort had she not been battling her own.
'We haven't had a conversation with Zac about this. Gail and I haven't even discussed when we want kids,' Holly said, stepping into save Zac.
'But you want them,' Becca prodded, more encouraged than not by Holly's response.
'That's what you took from what I just said?' Holly asked, but she didn't sound mad. Maybe a little exasperated but there was an unmistakable affection in her tone.
Again, Gail got the impression that Becca's eccentricities, like Zac's quirks or indeed Holly's, were something her family were quite used to, and these eccentricities didn't make them love her any less. In fact, they made them love her even more because simply put it was part of who she was. It was a thing quite alien to Gail's own experience of family, where conformity was valued—in fact insisted upon—above all else, and difference neither encouraged or tolerated and certainly not celebrated.
'Becca,' Carl said gently.
'I'd be willing to be the donor,' Zac said, stumbling over his words. 'I mean that's if you want me to be.' The last was said diffidently, and Zac ducked his head shyly. It made Gail realise she'd been wrong to think Holly the less confident of the two siblings.
'There you go,' Becca clapped her hands and grinned, 'solved. This calls for another drink.'
'Mom, how many gins have you had?' Holly quirked an eyebrow.
'Never too early to wet the baby's head,' Gail said drily, which made Carl laugh, a deep rumbling laugh which soon had them all joining in and which didn't stop until they were practically doubled over and Gail had tears in her eyes.
After that Carl banned mention of babies even though Becca was busting to know more. 'Give these guys time and space to figure it out. If it's going to happen, it will happen,' he said philosophically and Becca reluctantly gave way.
The rest of the dinner passed pleasantly. Only brief mention was made of the case and they avoided talking about Francine Hart altogether. Holly didn't let go of Gail's hand for most of the evening, which made Gail realise she hadn't entirely banished thoughts of the realities that awaited them beyond the front door.
After dinner, she and Holly were seated on the couch, while the others tidied up, having shooed the two women out of the kitchen, insisting they needed to relax.
'Your family,' Gail started to say, but Holly interrupted.
'Are too much,' she asked, a worried look on her face.
'Are amazing,' Gail finished, which made Holly tilt her head and smile widely.
Gail had actually wanted to say that being with the Stewart's had made her feel as though she were blanketed in love and warmth and acceptance, in much the same way Holly had made it seem when she earlier had held Gail so tight. It had made it possible, if only for a little while, to forget Perick and Kramer and Alannah and the investigation and her fears that Steve and her mother were working for Chou, and instead know there was good in the world. However, it was such a big, such an overwhelming sensation, that instead of trying to say all this, Gail said almost shyly but also with a touch of wonder, 'I love you.'
'Is that the gin talking?' Holly smiled, learning over to brush her lips against Gail's.
'Maybe,' Gail said, 'nah.' She grinned back cheekily and then kissed Holly with a little more force. 'I am so lucky you came back into my life.'
'You,' Holly scoffed. 'I definitely think I'm the lucky one.'
'Call it even,' Zac said from the doorway.
'Eavesdropping,' Gail arched an eyebrow in such a way Zac realised she wasn't serious
'Sent on a mission. Becca wants to know if you'd like tea. Apparently a night cap is out of the question if you want to get pregnant.'
Gail rolled her eyes. 'It could be years before we're ready for kids. Right, Holly.'
Holly nodded.
'For the record, I was serious about being a donor,' Zac said. 'Id like to do that for you guys and basically it gets mom off my back. I can have a kid without having one.'
'Mr All Care and No Responsibility,' Holly said, again like this was an old joke.
'Yeah, you know me well, Holly. But seriously, I could see myself being like an uncle I guess. I mean I would be an uncle.'
'It would be cool if our baby was related to you, Holly,' Gail said.
'Not that I don't like the idea of you being the donor Zac, but I wouldn't need to be biologically related to feel connected to our child, Gail. So—' Holly hesitated, clearly not wanting to offend Zac.
Gail realised it was weird to be having this conversation in front of him. It should have been something they had trashed out in private but events had rather overtaken them. 'But,' she started to say before Zac spoke over her.
'What Holly is saying is that she's open to exploring other options. And look, I won't hold it against you if you do. I mean I may turn up at the kid's first birthday as the fairy godfather and cast a dastardly spell, but apart from that—'
Gail didn't laugh. 'I'd like you to be our donor,' she said, suddenly serious. 'That's if Holly's okay with it.'
'Really, you're willing to buy into this crazy gene pool,' Holly smiled.
'I like a bit of crazy. You know that. And maybe the baby will look like you.'
'No guarantee of that,' Holly pointed out, 'I imagine the Peck genes are stubborn critters.'
….
'I feel like I could sleep for a week,' Holly said as the elevator doors slid open on Alannah's floor. They hadn't stayed too late at Becca and Carl's house, but it had been a long day.
Long couple of weeks, Gail thought as she nodded in agreement. 'After this is over, let's go away. A holiday. Someplace a long way from Toronto.'
Holly looked at her so solemnly that Gail wondered if she had said the wrong thing. Then Holly surged forward to press a kiss on her lips. 'You're perfect,' she breathed.
Gail scoffed at that, mainly to disguise the brief attack of self-doubt. 'No one's perfect,' she pointed out as she pulled the front door key from her pocket.
'You're perfect for me,' Holly said wrapping her arms around Gail's waist from behind and resting her chin on her shoulder. Gail could hear the smile in Holly's voice and would have replied but as the door swung open the scene that greeted them stopped them both in their tracks.
From the entranceway they had a clear view of the living room. Alannah was sitting on the couch, looking if anything bewildered, and Frankie was on bended knee before her, proffering up the diamond ring she had shown Gail a few days ago, her expression uncharacteristically earnest.
Behind Gail, Holly stifled a giggle which may have seemed mean if not for the fact that Gail knew how much she'd had to drink. Gail swiftly manoeuvred her back to the landing and softly shut the door.
'Oh my god. Wow. That was—did you see Frankie's face.' Holly put her hand over mouth to stop the burst of laughter. 'Wow,' she said again, shaking her head in disbelief. 'I didn't think Frankie had it in her.' Then she started giggling again.
Okay Holly was clearly drunker than Gail thought.
'Why is it so funny?' she asked. Holly's mirth was so infectiousness Gail was herself grinning, even though she felt like she was being treacherous. Shouldn't she have Frankie's back? .
'Oh just the whole bended knee thing. It's so traditional,' Holly said, 'and hetero-normative and sappy and Frankie is none of those things.'
'What if Alannah makes her those things?' Gail asked, a defensive note creeping into her voice. She wasn't sure if that came from a belated impulse to be protective of Frankie and her fragile feelings—after all she's had to listen to the detective go on and on about proposing for days—or the growing suspicion that Holly actually had an aversion to marriage.
'Hetero-normative? Frankie?' Holly raised an eyebrow.
'Not that! But those other things.'
'You knew about this,' Holly said with sudden realisation, 'and you didn't tell me?' She wasn't giggling anymore. In fact she sounded quite sober.
'I,' Gail started, 'it's been brewing. With so much going on,' she flapped her hand about, 'I didn't get around to it. Honestly, I thought Frankie would talk herself out of it. Wait, are you mad that I didn't tell you?'
'No, just surprised. It's kinda out of the blue. One minute she and Alannah were pretty much over and the next Frankie's proposing. She doesn't do things by halves.'
Gail wasn't sure what to make of that information. Maybe Holly wasn't as indifferent about marriage as she claimed. Maybe she actually wanted Gail to make a grand gesture, get down on bended knee just like Frankie . 'Are you mad that, that,' she stumbled slightly and then finished in a rush, 'that I haven't asked you?'
'God, no.' Holly laughed and then noticing the worried look on Gail's face, said, 'you're overthinking. I said it before and I mean it. I don't need a ring to make this, us', she pointed between the two of them,' real.' Holly looped her arms around Gail's neck and kissed her gently. 'Like I said perfect.' She kissed her again and Gail wondered why she had given in to doubt. 'Unless, its something you want?'
Gail shook her head.
'If you ever do propose—and that doesn't mean I secretly want you to—promise you won't go down on one knee.'
Gail chuckled. 'Deal.'
'Anyway,' Holly took a step back from Gail, 'I thought we agreed that if we got hitched, we'd make that decision together.'
'You're right. I'm just being an idiot. Frankie got inside my head. Made out I was too chicken to ask you.' Gail admitted. 'But Holly, will you spend the rest of your life with me, or at least can we stay together for as long as we make each other happy, which I'm hoping is the rest of our lives.'
Just then the elevator dinged. Damn, Gail thought, some neighbour coming home was going to ruin the moment. Although if she were honest, the landing outside Alannah's apartment wasn't exactly the place where you declared your forevers. She felt so annoyed by the interruption, Gail didn't bother to turn to see who was there when the elevator doors slid open.
'Oh my god,' Holly said pushing past Gail.
'Really?' Gail said in disbelief. That was definitely not how she had seen this conversation going. Was the prospect of permanence with her so awful that people did a runner—literally.
Gail didn't turn to follow Holly but remained where she was, staring at Alannah's front door. She noticed a spot around the lock where the paint was chipped and a stain on the carpet below where Frankie had dropped some takeaway Thai and no amount of scrubbing would remove the greasy stain, or the faint whiff of fish sauce that drifted up every time you opened the door.
Gail waited for the resignation to take hold, that all too familiar feeling of dejection wrapped in the bitter realisation that she wasn't girlfriend material. Her heart should be split in two. Cleaved. She imagined it ripped out from inside her chest and splattered against the wall, the two halves slipping slowly and noiselessly downwards, travelling the same path as the little rivulets of blood that leaked from and proceeded the broken organ.
But none of these things happened. Gail felt neither disconsolate nor heartbroken because she was absolutely certain there was no way in hell that Holly would run from her.
'What?' Gail scrunched up her face as she started to turn toward Holly.
'Gail, I need some help here,' Holly said, her voice urgent.
Gail turned completely then and saw Steve leaning heavily against Holly, a bright red stain spreading across his shirt.
…..
