Chapter 5: A Duel with Fate
Nothing but the sound of rushing water filled my ears, my eyes too weak to open, keeping me trapped in darkness. Is this death? Is death simply nothingness, the mind still able to operate, the nerves still able to feel and send messages to the brain, but the body simply unable to move, rendering the person's soul to naught but a passenger that has to withstand every bit of torture that is decaying? Every bit of the bacteria and maggots consuming and infesting the body until the brain is destroyed completely? Is death even more torturous than the life I led? Was my pointless and meaningless life extinguished for no reason other than to satisfy fate's desires? Were we all simply puppets strung along, waiting for the moment when our strings are cut and we fall lifelessly to the floor? How do people ever believe their lives have meaning? Our life is nothing more than a cruel joke, and death is the punchline. All that is created will eventually be destroyed, reigning in the new era of a constant cycle of destruction and creation, and we are left to fumble around in ignorance until our true enlightenment: our demise.
The rushing water that once sounded much like the calm ocean beating against the sands of a beach transformed into a violent river destroying everything in its path. And it was getting closer. Rather than moving, I listened intently to it and waited patiently for it to reach me.
Before I could properly accept the fact that I couldn't stop it, light finally came through a crack in the darkness that enveloped me. It soon spread, until it shattered like glass all around me. The light blinded me, but without the strength to turn away or shield my eyes I soon embraced it.
Visions began to rush through my mind at a speed I couldn't quite comprehend. Were they memories? Some of them seemed familiar, like my times spent with my SWAT team, Megan, the train station bombing, the surgery that made me, Moira smiling down at me. Moira. The name echoed through my head as I felt myself clench my fists, though I had no arms to do so. She will die.
But others seemed to be of a future I had yet to experience. A duel between Sombra and I near the ocean, laughter of unfamiliar voices, a smile from a cowboy. Jesse McCree. The same cyborg from earlier shaking my hand, a shield covering me from an explosion, Sombra hugging me, Lena crying on my shoulder. Soon the white light turned to a dark blood red as the ground around me was made up of skeletons that were still coated in blood, as if the people they belonged to were just skinned. I attempted to scream in pain when an agonizing fire burned my eyes, blinding me in my left eye as the deaths of those I had yet to meet ran through my head. It soon ended with the touch of a button, and the rushing water soon flooded the visions as I spread my arms and allowed it to engulf me.
My eyes opened upon impact with the water, and I struggled to move my head to analyze my surroundings. I had a pounding headache, and it hurt like hell to even breathe. My ribs were probably shattered, along with my collarbone from the blades that had penetrated my body. I raised an arm, looking at the familiar titanium of my prosthetic limbs. They functioned properly again, and the hole from the fight had been completely sealed shut. I grinned in fascination as it did what I said to do once more. My HUD was turned off, but I didn't want to risk turning it on having to deal with its possible glitches. My eyes began to get used to the bright lights of the room, and they began to zoom and enhance on an insignia that sent shivers down my spine. Overwatch.
I groaned as I attempted to sit up, grabbing my ribs and wincing in pain as I did so. The hospital bed began to seem less like a comfortable place to rest and more like a trap. I couldn't trust Overwatch, even with the truth revealing who was truly responsible. They're not going to take kindly to a former Talon agent in their midst. Though they did keep me alive. Curious. Why keep me alive if they don't want me to join them? Not that I will.
Sombra must've ordered it. I was still having trouble wrapping my head around everything. She led what remained of the reformed Overwatch? When did she first begin contacting them? Was it before the Petras Act that declared all Overwatch activity illegal? And if so, what role did she play in the organization before its downfall? Was she simply feeding them information and got them to trust her? Did she really even run them? She probably did, knowing Sombra and her seemingly limitless ambition. McCree did call her boss, and they sure seemed glad to see her alive. Was Sombra truly that good at hiding things? Though that only made me trust her less, especially with how she hid it from me. Shouldn't I have known? I nearly died alone, in pain and confused because she didn't tell me the full story. I need to get out of here as soon as I can.
I could make out footsteps from outside the door to the room, and I heard a conversation that must've been going on for hours judging by how tired the woman seemed. Sombra was the first to open the door, turning back to the other woman as she sighed. "Why can't ya just trust me Angie? When have I ever done something that wasn't purely for our benefit?" Sombra asked, and the blonde stepped towards the machines near me, ignoring me. Her blue eyes were locked in an intense frown as she scoffed, tucking her stray bangs behind her ear. She was the woman from before. Angela Ziegler? I could only assume, but I was fairly certain it was her. She was a former field medic in Overwatch, and her work with nanotechnology shook the world and the foundation of medicine itself. She was a pacifist, and she saved many lives. She must be the reason I'm still breathing. I doubt I'll get the chance to thank her. I closed my eyes. I needed to gather all the information I could before I left. It may prove useful later.
"Not ten days ago, when you ordered us to bring this man into our only base of operations, compromising not only the safety of yourself, but everyone else as well." The doctor answered, and I heard Sombra snicker. 'Ten days? I've been out that long?' I thought. "Okay, I'll admit it I just like having him around. Besides, he'll come around." Sombra vouched for me, though I never asked for it. "He's a Talon agent. Although it may be my duty to keep him alive, forgive me if I have doubts about his intentions. It's hard to trust a man who just got finished slaughtering a hundred men before he collapsed to the ground when you first met him."
"He killed other Talon agents, and believe me he has no loyalty to them whatsoever, what with him figuring out that they murdered his fiancé and made him what he is today. Besides, I used to work with Talon, but now look at us. You're trusting me to lead Overwatch to victory."
"Yes..." Angela released a sigh,"...now look at us."
"Why didn't you tell him about us?" Angela continued, and Sombra contemplated the question. "I couldn't have him messing up the mission. I had my sights set on him the moment he arrived on that surgery table, but I couldn't trust him with that type of information. Besides, if he's willing to kill one hundred men just to survive, imagine what he could do with proper motivation."
There was an audible silence between the two, and I clenched my fists, eager to escape my confinement. "Who is Scott to you?" Angela asked after some time, and my muscles tensed when she asked that. I was admittedly curious, and with her oblivious to my consciousness she wouldn't lie. "He's extremely useful. And although he may not seem like it, he's trustworthy. Besides, there is something about him you find alluring isn't there? Or is it just me? Perhaps it's the way he carries himself. If we could ever get his mind off of his dead fiancé maybe he'd stop moping and be even better at what he does."
"And what exactly does he do?" Angela inquired, and I could tell Sombra was smiling by the way she said her next words. "He helps me achieve my dream. He's practically unmatched in his skill to dispatch foes. His willpower and strength is fascinating as well. Tell me doc, when have you ever seen someone withstand a katana through the chest and continue moving?"
"Never." The doctor quickly answered.
"Exactly. If we're going to succeed, I need that drive in my people. My charisma can only go so far." Sombra offered a chuckle as she said that, though the doctor seemed less amused.
I felt the doctor's hand touch my cheek, checking the deep gash that was in it. I grabbed her hand before she could do much else. She released a yelp and Sombra gasped by the sudden movement. I didn't release my tight grip on her, staring them both down.
I smiled at the doctor, yet she oddly enough did the same. Looking down, I noticed a needle less than a centimeter away from my neck. That amused me to say the least. "Ha. Offer one hand but arm the other. Smart." I commented as I released her from my grasp. My voice was still hoarse, and I never thought it'd hurt just to speak, but it did. Enough to make me wince when I attempted to inhale more than usual. "Scottie, sounding as good as ever."
"Sombra." I muttered, offering her a scowl. She smiled. "Aww, don't be such a sour puss. How are you feeling?" She asked, and I groaned. "I wish I could go back in time and fix all of this." I ignored her question, looking down at my feet as I began to sit back up. Why has this happened to me? What did I do wrong?
"Scott, is there anything feeling abnormal? Any part of your augmentations not working?" I shook my head in response. "We had our best working on keeping you alive, though we may not be as experienced as we should be with this kind of hardware. You might want to thank Torbjorn and his daughter Brigitte for repairing the damages."
"I never asked for your help." I growled, and Angela laughed at that. "You were too busy spewing blood from your mouth to form a coherent sentence, let alone ask. Forgive me, I may not be as fluent in foreign languages as I'd want to believe. If you'd want I can put you under and reopen the wounds you sustained?" She offered, and I coughed, instinctively shooting a hand to my side as I did so.
"Where are my things?" I demanded as I tried and failed to ignore the pain. "You won't be getting your pistols if that's what you're asking." Angela answered, and I looked up at her. "We both know I don't need them to be a threat." I replied, and she seemed to back off a bit. "I need my clothes. Give me my gear and I'll be on my way. I have no interest in joining your Girl Scouts club." I spoke, standing up as I did so. My body was weak, but they probably couldn't tell I was bluffing. I'm willing to bet the doctor could take me out if she wanted. "Hey, I loved the Girl Scouts as a kid, pendejo." Sombra folded her arms, and I sighed. My body was riddled with wounds. Some were small, probably forming from shrapnel or bits of glass. But others were large, especially the one that ran horizontally along my chest, the flesh still raw to the touch even after ten days. I felt stitches stretch with my muscles as I winced once more, a long scar going down my lip splitting back open.
"Give me my things Sombra. It's the last time I'll ask nicely. You of all people should know I'm not very patient." I threatened, and Sombra grinned. "All ya had to do was ask. We'll talk later, alright? Don't break anything while I'm gone." She teased, and I scoffed, watching her strutting back through the white and sterile hallways. I growled, body shaking with an uncontrollable rage. How could she smirk and laugh at me like nothing happened? Like she didn't leave me to die in Maximilien's casino? Why didn't she help me? Instead I had to suffer through every bit of pain, taste every drop of blood.
"I know how you feel Scott. Don't entirely trust her, do you?" I turned to the Swiss woman, and offered a blank stare. "You'll never know how I feel." I responded, before turning back to exit. "Maybe I will. We should talk more, if you stay. It might help." She offered. I grinned at that. "I appreciate your concern, but I'll be gone before you know it, Dr. Ziegler. Which way is my gear? If you don't mind I'd prefer to not walk around half naked." I said, and she smiled, as if just now realizing I only wore pants and the bandages around my body. "Just go straight down the hallway, and take the last door on your right. Your gear should be there. May I recommend staying for a while to at least get a meal? You may experience dizziness or feel lightheaded after being unconscious for so long."
"I don't think I should. The sooner I go the better." I replied, and Angela frowned. "Well, it's up to you. Lena would surely like to see you before you go at least."
I nodded. "Yeah. Thanks I suppose." I made my way down the hallways, following the directions Angela had given me. It felt odd, to be in a place like this. Reminded me of my time in Talon. I both shuddered and furrowed my brows at the thought. Taking a right, I found myself in an empty training room full of weapons, targets, even moving robotic practice dummies. Sombra must be pulling a lot of strings to fund this. Or simply stealing.
A shuriken zipped past my nose at a speed unparalleled. If I hadn't sensed it and moved back I'd be missing a nose. Turning to the cyborg who threw it, I growled. His mechanical locks hissed as he released a chuckle. The face plate he usually wore to protect his head was now off, revealing a horribly scarred Japanese man with raven black hair. The scars stretched up with his smile as he did so, revealing perfect white teeth. The man was oddly handsome. "Ah, sorry. Simply testing your reactions." He said, scratching the back of his neck. His katana laid beside him on the table he rested on. He must've been training earlier. "Scott was it? I'm Genji Shimada." He introduced himself and waved at me, and I nodded. "Angela worked hard to save your life. I'm glad I'm not alone. You're another cyborg. Though not as handsome, mind you." He grinned.
"Not exactly concerned with what others think of me. Waste of time. I'm here for my gear, that's all." I said, dismissing his friendly banter. I was wary of his attempt to lower my defenses. I didn't trust anyone here, especially a man who nearly cut my nose off not a minute ago. "Ah, one of those huh? It should be over there." He said, pointing. "One of what?" I asked as I followed his finger to the table that held my gear. The vest and trench coat were spotless, as if they'd never been used. "The brooding type. I used to be the same." He said, and I scoffed. "Let's hope I don't end up the same then." I said, and he laughed. "How long will you be staying? Are you already off to duel Moira?" He asked, and I turned. "Who told you about that?"
"Oh Sombra informed us all about you. The explosion, Megan, your augmentations, your deeds. I sympathize with you, but I hope you'll refrain from charging into a losing battle. Patience is a warrior's best weapon." I scowled, preventing myself from grunting in pain when I slipped into my black trench coat. I can't reveal weakness. "Good thing I've got other weapons." Genji chuckled at that. "I hope you'll consider working with us. Our goals may align." He grinned, and I shook my head. "No. No they don't. I'm not trying to fix the world or save it. I'm not trying to make it a better place. That struggle is pointless. I just need to kill those who wronged me. I'm not like your precious leader, Sombra. I don't have a dream. I only feel a hatred for those responsible for... this." I gestured to my arms and eyes, and Genji frowned. "I understand. I do not wish to stop you from doing what you want. I only aim to try and direct you away from a path I've taken, and on to a better one."
Thinking about what he said for a moment, I nodded. Perhaps I wasn't alone. He may understand. I doubt he understands the pain, but he may offer insight. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I offered him a wave before leaving.
Intending to leave before Sombra realized it, I moved quickly. Luckily enough the hallways were anything but busy. I grunted, feeling my stomach growl at me, yearning for at the very least a bite of food. I frowned. I suppose I'll have to eat fast, and find a way to get out of this predicament I've found myself in. Sighing, I began to wander through the hallways in hopes of stumbling upon food, practically sniffing around like a dog. 'I've stooped so low.' I thought to myself, but didn't dare give voice to it.
The food wasn't half bad. Certainly better than the slop that was served at Talon. Half of my salary was spent on actual food. But for once, it tasted good. Perhaps it seemed like that because it'd been over a week since I'd eaten. I was surprised to see that they allowed me to grab whatever I wanted. I only grabbed some bread and a few eggs, concerned more with what I'd do once I got out of here rather than eating.
What the hell was I gonna do?
That question finally began to strike me as I violently ripped a piece of the bread off the loaf. I couldn't contain my emotions well enough to pretend that I wasn't upset. I ended up taking all of my anger out on my food instead of Moira or Talon. I suppose I'd have to wander through the streets before I can figure out a plan. Or maybe I can stay with the people here, at least until I'm ready for another fight. I won't have to join them, just tag along.
No.
I refuse to be some parasite. I won't stay any longer than I must. I can't stay either. Sombra already believes I'm hers to boss around. She acts like she owns me. There's nothing I hate more than people acting high and mighty, holding themselves above people. I broke another piece of the bread off, biting into it harshly. I could feel the plate in my hands beginning to shatter from the pressure.
"Ah, the 'Butcher of Monaco' is finally awake!" I heard a southern drawl call out behind me. Turning, I found McCree tipping his hat my way, offering a bottle of water in his mechanical hand. It was sleeker than mine was, and silver. His red serape around his shoulders contrasted with the brown vest, pants, and hat he wore. His gun rested on his hip in a holster, attached to a BAMF buckle. I snorted. 'How conceited.' I judged.
"The what?" I asked, taking the bottle he offered. "It's a nickname we came up with while ya were busy sleepin'. Sounded intimidating 'nuff to me."
"Folks around here are a bit afraid of ya." He said as he took a seat beside me in my private little corner. I looked around, catching both the curious and distrustful gazes sent my way. The engineer, Torbjorn, muttered something to himself as he scowled at me. The large man with the scar offered a nod, and the young Egyptian woman glared at me. "I'm used to it."
The cowboy watched me drink intently, offering me a look I couldn't decipher. He seemed fascinated by me. Probably like everyone else, amazed by my prosthetics. My eyes met his as they zoomed in and out, analyzing him. He scratched at the stubble that ran along his chin. "When we found you I thought you'd been dead for hours. I mean, a man surrounded by bodies an' blood all over 'im ain't usually wakin' up, at least judging from my experience. You weren't movin', and bone was sticking out of places it really shouldn't." He chuckled to himself. "I figured the boss wanted us to pick you up for a funeral, an' I was getting ready to give ya a proper burial. Then you coughed. Phew, nearly shit me'self."
I took another bite of my food, staring down at my feet. I heard him shift his feet as he studied me. "I reckoned you were gonna die when ya collapsed like ya did. I reckoned you'd die hundreds of times afterwards, but you didn't. What kept you goin'?"
Stopping, I clenched my fists as I thought of Moira, the screams of the Talon agents echoing in my head.
"Hate." I answered.
McCree shook his head. "Naw, there's a reason you're still moving." He replied, and I nodded. "Aye, there's a reason. My augmentations kept me alive long enough for Dr. Ziegler to save me. I'm hard to kill." I leaned forward as I spoke, and he grinned. "Oh I don't doubt it. But there's a reason. Fate ain't through with you yet." He said as he stood up. I snickered. "Heard that before. He was talking about God though."
"Maybe he was right. Faith ain't exactly my strong suit. There are plenty of pious sons of bitches that think they know the word o' God. Seems everywhere ya go there's some prophet tellin' ya what to do who's so far up his own ass he can only smell his own shit. I preferred just killing those kinds of people. But what matters, I believe, is that there's something greater than you and I. And it has plans for Scott Gallagher."
"You don't know me. You don't know what I've done." I grumbled, and he sighed. "I probably do. Hell I've probably done the same damn thing before. I even had a friend who joined Talon." His voice softened as he spoke about his friend. 'Reyes.' I thought to myself.
"Tell me, you saw what I did. You saw what I'm capable of. I slaughtered those men for no reason other than my hatred for Moira. If God is so just, why does the 'Butcher of Monaco' still breathe? Why hasn't he punished people like us?"
Jesse McCree stopped, and closed his eyes before walked towards me. I felt him place a hand on my shoulder.
"He has."
Staring down at my hands, I closed my eyes. Much like Jesse just did. Opening them, I focused on the titanium limbs that tortured me on a daily basis. They constantly reminded me of what I am, and what I'll always be. I'll never be human.
Suddenly my food lost its flavor.
I noticed Sombra out of the corner of my eye almost immediately. It was the way she held herself that attracted so much attention. Well that, and the bright clothing. She wore a blue shirt that revealed her toned arms. Her usual gear was missing, yet the familiar cocky grin she wore rested on her lips. I frowned.
"Ah you look much better." She smiled, though she noticed my bags slung over my shoulder. "Would you walk with me Scottie? I'd like to ask you a few things."
Going against my better judgement I nodded in response. "Sure." I followed her through the hallways as she walked through them, knowing the layout like the back of her hand. How many times had she been here? Lena caught my attention for a moment when I saw her speaking with someone else. It was the large man who used a hammer. They seemed to be laughing about something, but when Lena saw me she grinned and waved at me. I returned with a wave of my own.
"How long have you been leading this group?" I asked, and she shrugged. "About ten years. Why?" She responded, and I rolled my eyes, irritated by how nonchalant she could be. "Nothing. Just wondering."
The rest of the walk there was silent, and I focused on my surroundings. The once proud facility was a shadow of its former self, but the agents didn't seem to mind at all. If anything, a good bit of them were rather cheerful. Perhaps Sombra is that good at leading them. They do seem to respect her quite a bit after all.
I soon found myself outside, and we had descended far enough away from the base to where we resided near the beaches of Gibraltar. 'A beach? Like in that vision?' Sombra stayed relatively close to the base though. It was a quick sprint away. She always did leave herself a back door. "Okay, you can be straight with me now. Why didn't you leave me to die back in Monaco? Why did you bring me with you?" I asked as soon as we seemed far enough away from the base to where no one could listen. But I doubt they all allowed me to be alone with their boss when they considered me dangerous. I looked up and noticed Lena was resting on a railing up above, but I didn't mind.
"You didn't need to die. It was unnecessary. And I figured Angela would be able to keep you alive, so why not?" She explained, and I frowned. "What do you want from me?" I demanded, and she giggled. "You already know Scott. I told you this before. I want you to join us. Your talents were wasted in Talon. Believe me, you'll be surrounded by the world's greatest my friend. Imagine what we could accomplish." The hacker said, and I shook my head. "I think you mean what you could accomplish. Isn't this all for your 'dream'?"
"I watched you in Monaco." She ignored the question, which ironically answered it. "You were magnificent. But the fight was quite close. You nearly died." Sombra frowned, and I scowled. "Yeah. I did. Too bad you were busy watching rather than helping." I muttered, and she smiled. "I needed to see what you were capable of. I believed you would win, and if it ever seemed like too much for ya I would've jumped right in Scott, believe me." I scoffed, folding my arms.
"But judging by the way you fight, you don't value your life at all. You charged the enemy head on, no matter what it cost you. You never gave an inch, even when outnumbered one hundred to one. To me, you'd rather engage any opponent that crosses your path, no matter how reckless it is, just to find Moira. I understand the pain you feel, and I sympathize, but you will never find any meaning in your life by battling to preserve it. That's why I want you to join me, Scott. We both want Moira dead. Admittedly for different reasons, but does that truly matter? You'll never get her on your own."
"And if I say no?"
She seemed shocked by that, her eyes widening. "You don't want to?"
"OF COURSE NOT! I refuse!" I yelled, but stumbling to my knees in pain as I did so. Gritting my teeth, I looked up at the hacker. "Get off your high horse! You don't know me! Don't talk like you do either!"
"You're right, I don't know you. But I'd like to, Scott." She said, and I stood up, straightening my back. "We'll settle this, right here, right now." I furrowed my brows as I stared her down. My titanium blades shot out, replacing my hands. "The way I see it, you owe me your life. I could've left you to die. But so be it. I figure using my gun wouldn't be exactly fair." She drew a long knife from her boot. She grinned. "Always keep a weapon on you."
"If I win, I get to go free." I stated, and she raised an eyebrow. "And if I win?"
"You can have me for your army."
Sombra smiled. "So be it. I'll have you soon enough." She said, her confidence as blatantly obvious as ever.
I growled. "You know, it's that cocky attitude of yours that makes me sick!" I shouted as I charged her. Both of my blades came crashing down on her knife. Surprisingly enough, she held me back. My eyes widened. "What?" She threw me back forcefully with a kick to the stomach. "We can wait until you've fully recovered, if you'd like." She taunted me. I heard Lena cheering on Sombra, along with a few others.
"No one interfere! I will have what I want." She ordered, though a few of them were still hesitant. They really were truly loyal to her. 'She easily evades my blows, while somehow still parrying me. She uses her narrow blade with one hand. She is...good. Better than I thought she'd be. Maybe I really was that weak right now. But that didn't matter. STRONGER. FASTER. BETTER.' I told myself, rushing her once more. Sombra countered my swing with the finesse of a master swordsman, using my momentum against me. She countered with a swift cut that ran along my nose, and another jab that sliced through my leg. 'She's going to attack my weak points instead of facing me head on. She'll just wait until I'm so tired of hacking at her that I fall to my knees.'
'That WON'T happen.'
The people she led began to crowd around us, giving me an audience to prove myself to. "Ha! He can't even handle her when she only has a knife!" The engineer sneered, laughing at me. "He'd make a great addition to our team." Lena offered, but he guffawed. "In your dreams. He'll turn on us the second we turn our backs to him."
I grunted, pushing down against her with all my force. Her blade wasn't meant to handle such pressure. She slid the blade down, and I moved with my blades, allowing her to cut my cheek, opening the wound back up. I groaned. "Since when were you so good at this?" I asked, and she laughed. "Maybe I've been training more than you thought."
I swung my right blade down vertically, and Sombra quickly avoided the swing, but I slashed my left blade along her leg, causing her to yell in pain. I heard the others shuffle behind me. "Don't!" Was all she had to say for them to stay back. I picked her up off the ground by her throat, watching her as she kicked and squirmed in my grasp. I recalled the blade I had near her face back into my arm. "I could kill you right now, but out of appreciation for you saving my life, I'll let you live. Consider us even."
Flinging her into the sand behind me, I didn't bother looking back at her. "Sorry I had to show you up in front of everyone." I apologized, before grabbing my bag off the ground and walking away. I stopped when I heard her rise to her feet. I sighed. I didn't want to have to kill her to win. "Somb-"
I was cut off by a slash across my chest. I stumbled to my knees as I heard others release gasps of surprise. Coughing, the familiar taste of my own blood flooded my mouth. 'She's so fast.' I thought. "How...how did you..." I struggled to speak, and she handed her knife to someone in the crowd as they congratulated her. Her hand met my still bleeding cheek.
"I believe I won. You belong to me now, Scott. You are now an official member of Overwatch." Sombra smiled down at me, ruffling my hair like a child. I looked down at the blood stained sand below me. 'I...lost.' I couldn't believe it. How?
Lena rushed to my side, and I heard McCree chuckle. "Welcome to the club. She beat me the same way." He said, and I found myself struggling to breathe.
"Now, someone get our newest member patched up. I expect a hell of a feast for the welcoming party." She ordered without turning back to the others. They all followed suit, picking me up begrudgingly and helping me back to base.
I couldn't help but feel like I just made a deal with the devil.
