"This place seems pretty far. How much longer will it take?
"Not...very long!"
Again, I could still hear the struggle in Shinozaki's voice as if... she still had something to hide. But instead of confronting her, I just went along with what I was told and remained quiet. Though, that quietness didn't last very long once we stopped at the nearest, pedestrian crossing signal. Waiting for it to change colors, but while waiting, Shinozaki continued "reaching" for an answer. Said in the same gracious tone. While her words being the same ones she used earlier, during our train ride of getting to this side of the city. No doubt she wanted something to be clarified. And finally, she was getting to it, without her playing anymore of those mind games.
(Ayumi): "...I still don't get it."
(Yoshiki): "Hmm?"
(Ayumi): "You could've walked with Shinohara today, but instead... you're out here. Walking with me!"
Now that was a name I didn't expect hearing. Not after today. Not after what Shinozaki and Nakashima went through. Yet somehow, this conversation was taking place.
(Yoshiki): "Why would I be walking with Shinohara?..."
(Ayumi): "Aren't the both of you friends?"
This is out of the blue...
My mind was definitely not prepared for this kind of conversation. But there were no worries to be had. My words just came out as naturally as they would.
(Yoshiki): "Can't really say what we are."
(Ayumi): "Oh?"
(Yoshiki): "Not that I wouldn't consider her as a friend. She's a super cool girl. Sometimes a little too whacky which makes for a lot of fun. But I don't expect myself to be anywhere near the level of how she's with Nakashima. If you get what I'm saying?"
That's one way of confessing. However, Shinozaki didn't seem to catch on the meaning of my words. She just smiled innocently.
(Ayumi): "She is a pretty great person! A lot of people would love to be her friend!"
(Yoshiki): "Right."
(Ayumi): "..."
Why bring her up?
Have they been talking about me lately?
...
I'm sure they have.
That's what girls do.
Gossip is what connects them.
Soon enough, the traffic stopped and the signal turned green which we walked past the crosswalk, then we continued walking normally with a crowd of bystanders moving at their own directions. However, what Shinozaki shared had kept me... remembering what happened earlier. More specifically, the time when she and Shinohara argued, back at the nurse's office. Inevitably leading to the breakdown of Shinohara. Even when it's already hours passed, even when things already turned out for the best, my body was already getting weak again... just by remembering how she felt in my arms, as she let out those innocent sobs. But once her sorrows were settled down, her smile finally unfolded... that being similar to an angel's wings unfolding and expanding before my very young eyes. Heavenly strength that ignited my heart like a thousand suns. Being proven what a real miracle her presence can be.
Both a blessing and a curse. A blessing by having her in my life, but... a curse by...not sharing what's been...lingering inside.
(Yoshiki): "..."
After everything... I still feel that way too.
...
I need to let go...
I'm not going to end up with either of them.
One of them just sees me as a friend and has already "settled", the other... wants nothing to do with me.
But then again, we are here.
Walking together, to her sister's workplace...
...
But that's different.
Shinozaki would never understand.
She would never accept what I feel.
It's pointless to even try...
Right as I had those hopeless thoughts, a perfectly timed, relevation had began forming. Coming right out of Shinozaki's mouth in a couple of her gentle, swift breaths. As they revealed a forbidden reality, between two opposite worlds that have constantly clashed against one another. But now, were coming as one...
(Ayumi): "Even when you can be such a handful... somehow, you're really good at making people like you!"
...What did she just say?
The impact of those words had me crashing into a wall. Well, not literally... but her words had caused me to stagger for a brief moment. Almost falling forward which I quickly recovered right before she caught me out-of-position.
(Yoshiki): "What about people liking me?..."
(Ayumi): "Yeah...Shinohara, Mochida... really seem to enjoy your company! Even though you've done some lousy things in the past, there's something that...makes them want to be around you! And that makes me, really curious!"
At first, I thought she was going to admit on having some good kind of tolerance over me... but now, I was even more confused by her ambiguous point she was trying to make. Which that skeptical, defensive side came out.
(Yoshiki): "Do you have a problem of me hanging around them?"
(Ayumi): "Oh no! Not in the slightest! I'm just fascinated to know how close you all are!"
Still skeptical.
(Yoshiki): "I still don't understand what you're getting at..."
(Ayumi): "Well I notice you don't talk to many people! Even when you don't, the ones you do invest yourself in well, you put a lot of care over them! And... that makes me realize, you can be a really good guy!"
She's not being sarcastic?
What's going on with her today?...
(Yoshiki): "...Thank you?"
Yet again, I didn't know how to respond to those comments. Heck, I still couldn't register what Shinozaki was trying to get through me. The entire moment didn't make sense. It was... really out of character for her to be this kind after everything we've put each other through... But that wasn't the end of her thoughts.
Her next words just... awoke me.
Gently guiding me to this... possibility, out of the impossible.
(Ayumi): "...If only you could just let me be a part of that."
Did she really just say that out loud?
(Ayumi): "Anyway! My bladder is killing me!"
(Yoshiki): "Uh. We could stop by those washrooms?"
(Ayumi): "Perfect!"
What the hell...
That's where we went. Even so, the focus I had was still completely stolen from me. Since all I could think about now were just the words that Shinozaki said. Repeating themselves, over and over... and every time they did, my chest got tighter and tighter... as it was me absentmindely pressing in and crumpling my uniform.
The more I got lost in this feeling, the louder the thuds got. Not only by the constant sounds of them ringing in my ears, but also... these feelings of little pops in my body, releasing these warm, fuzzy sensations in every breath. Same feelings I had towards Shinohara, but for now... all exclusively to Shinozaki. The girl who I... originally fell for.
(Yoshiki): "..."
That's unreal...
She can't be serious?
She has to be nervous or something...
...
This is probably the first time we've ever been on good terms.
No back and forth arguing... no tension in either of us.
But why the sudden change?...
What have I done different for her to behave like this or say those things?
...
Those thoughts would be great to get out of the way.
If I had the balls, I would go further by telling her what they are... but I knew, I couldn't do that.
(Yoshiki): "..."
I'm in over my head...
That could never happen.
Even if I "proved" that I could change. Prove to be...different.
It wouldn't change how she feels about...him.
After a moment of waiting, the doors abruptly opened and before me, Shinozaki was walking out while she had her hands on one of her pigtails. Readjusting it where it needed to be.
(Yoshiki): "Ready to go?"
(Ayumi): "Uh-huh!"
So we continued walking.
Walking.
Walking and walking...
Walking and walking... and walking.
(Yoshiki): "...?"
At least for another forty minutes. Heading to a direction where there was a DRASTIC change of activity. Less traffic. Less shops. More open spaces with little bit of buildings that were no more than Six-stories high. Similar structures from where I live as some of these buildings were served as living quarters. Another name for those are, well... apartment complexes. But yeah, we were at this certain checkpoint where there were hardly any roads accessible for vehicles. Most roads for just us walkers. The walk on it's own was getting pretty annoying for my legs. Which reminded me why I should've went easier at P.E. today. Even when the day was already this exhausting for me, the sight of the enormous lake on the other side, did ease my spirits. As the calming waters reflected the moon which brought this serene aura... motivating me to reach to the very end of our journey. Shinozaki however, seemed to have something crossed her mind as she remained still, leading me to stop behind her and trace her attention to the apartment complexes I saw not too long ago.
(Ayumi): "..."
She's focusing on them for a reason.
...
That would make sense.
(Yoshiki): "Thinking of moving out?"
(Ayumi): "Hmm?"
(Yoshiki): "You know... when you graduate from school? Do you have an idea where you're going to live?"
(Ayumi): "Oh no! That's like the last thing on my mind! I'm just, waaaay too busy to have those thoughts!"
(Yoshiki): "So you don't have a plan? No particular place you have in mind?"
Shinozaki opened her mouth, but no words came out. Instead she was left with this distinct look of defeat. Probably ashamed of herself for lacking at an important aspect in life.
(Ayumi): "No. Not right now."
(Yoshiki): "You should start planning ahead sometime. Eventually you're going to need a place to live when you're done."
(Ayumi): "..."
(Yoshiki): "Not trying to be an ass but you know. Being prepared helps a lot. Sooner the better."
(Ayumi): "True! I really need to find the time for it."
(Yoshiki): "..."
(Ayumi): "...Planning ahead."
None of us made a move. We were still silently gazing at the buildings, taking in more of the calming atmosphere as the winds were tapping on our shoulders, reminding us that time was still progressing forward. Which led to Shinozaki asking me a... weird question. A question that wouldn't be weird if... we had talked before, and if we knew each other more than what we did at school.
(Ayumi): "How long have you lived in your apartment?"
How... does she know that?
(Ayumi): "...?"
Instead of questioning her on the spot, I just kept it to myself and let moment the play out.
(Yoshiki): "For a few months or so..."
(Ayumi): "By yourself?"
(Yoshiki): "Yeah. No roommates."
(Ayumi): "How are you able to do that?"
(Yoshiki): "Do what?"
(Ayumi): "Living alone! I'd go insane if I had nobody at my own place!"
(Yoshiki): "It's not so bad after a few weeks. You get used to it."
(Ayumi): "But you! You started at such an early part of your life! Your family must miss you a lot!"
Family.
A word that should be comforting to one's heart and mind.
A word that should be reminding us memories of golden times.
A word that should...mean everything in our lives. Before and after.
But for me, it was a word for a mixed bag that's been dragged through the mud. A bag that shouldn't be shared to anyone of what's been kept inside. But the honesty of me is my gifted curse. So slowly, the truth unraveled itself. Slowly out of the bag and into someone else's hands. To someone who... used to trust me before. But after this moment, some of that lost trust, might finally be regained. Which is what kept me speaking, as that idea was kept in the back of my mind.
(Ayumi): "...?"
(Yoshiki): "Oh if anything, I'm doing them a favor by not being there."
(Ayumi): "What...?"
(Yoshiki): "Me and my folks don't get along. And when I'm not there well, it's less stress for all of us."
That wasn't enough to get through to Shinozaki. She didn't understand the situation, which led her to be overly dramatic.
(Ayumi): "But that's your own mother and father! Even if you had problems with them, they have to be broken over of you being gone!"
(Yoshiki): "Not mine."
(Ayumi): "Why wouldn't they be?..."
(Yoshiki): "We just don't get along."
Still not satisfied. She had to know everything.
(Ayumi): "That's not a clear answer..."
(Yoshiki): "Shinozaki, it's not that confusing."
(Ayumi): "Well it's confusing for me! Going by what you're saying... you're making them sound like they don't care-"
(Yoshiki): "They don't."
Finally, the cruel realization left her whole body limp and cold. Even in her deep breaths, the monotone could be heard, filtering out the good feelings to her hurting heart. As she couldn't fix what was already broken in mine.
(Ayumi): "...Oh."
Not that it caused me real suffering. The memories actually have harden me mostly, but... having Shinozaki here, now knowing that side of my background and seeing her heart sink even further by my ruminations, left me too in low spirits.
(Yoshiki): "My folks don't care where I'm at or what I'm doing to myself. As long as I'm out of their lives, then I'm doing what's best. For them. For me. For all of us. It's that simple."
(Ayumi): "..."
(Yoshiki): "..."
Again, admitting more of this... didn't make this easier for us. But it's not like I can say nothing without her being bummed out. It was the inevitable part of having these sort of meaningful talks. And it seemed to be a really big deal. And she just kept going deeper. Kept digging for more... more out of... me.
(Ayumi): "So... you just left them?"
(Yoshiki): "I had to."
(Ayumi): "...?"
(Yoshiki): "It wasn't my decision. I had to leave or the law would get involved."
Shinozaki's eyes weren't meeting mine anymore. What I just said, brought more, unwarranted pity. An unappealing reaction for me.
(Ayumi): "I'm sorry..."
(Yoshiki): "Don't be. Shit happens. Life can't always go the way you want it."
(Ayumi): "..."
Great, now she feels bad for me.
Last thing I need from anybody!
(Yoshiki): "Anyway, we should get going."
(Ayumi): "...Okay."
We continued walking, but we weren't going at the same speed as before. Shinozaki was slowly moving, still being weighted down by whatever thoughts she was having.
But the conversation we just had, was definitely not over.
She persisted. In that low tone.
(Ayumi): "So what led up to that point?"
(Yoshiki): "Getting kicked out?"
(Ayumi): "Yeah..."
(Yoshiki): "..."
(Ayumi): "...I mean, you don't have to talk about it."
I began remembering.
All the times of the bullshit. Of the constant arguing between me and our folks. The tension in every room of the house, never airing out. Glass being broken. Desks being pulled and tipped over. My sister's cries. And that pack of cigarettes, crunching, then falling out of my hand.
(Yoshiki): "One day, my folks found a cigar laying around in the house."
(Ayumi): "..."
(Yoshiki): "Believe it or not, the cigar actually didn't belong to me. It belonged to somebody else. Somebody who wasn't paying enough attention that they forgot to put it away when they were supposed to. So you know, our parents got pissed. They sat us down. And they were just waiting. For one of us to rat out the other."
Shinozaki then abruptly stopped, as well as I did. Now with the both of us looking at each other. And looking at her well, genuine interest were still reflecting out of those blue, compassionate eyes.
Funny though, how those eyes used to always be against me. But now?
They were there to show someone was listening.
Unfortunately for me, they were too beautiful to stop giving what she wanted.
That being, something new I learned...
(Yoshiki): "..."
They really are that precious...
(Ayumi): "You have siblings too?"
(Yoshiki): "Only one sister. Younger than me."
(Ayumi): "Younger sister?"
(Yoshiki): "Yeah... She's currently in junior high."
(Ayumi): "..."
Then she faced the other direction, hiding her gaze under the darker shade.
Probably even more shocked to who that cigar really belonged to.
(Yoshiki): "So uh yeah. Our folks were expecting us to speak up. Neither of us wanted to. But you know. In that sort of situation, one of us had to go down for it. One of us had to take the fall. But when this was happening well, they were surprisingly not looking at me."
(Ayumi): "...?"
(Yoshiki): "They were actually looking at her the whole time. Noticing... she wasn't acting right. When she was supposed to be calling me out."
(Ayumi): "..."
(Yoshiki): "Not to say she snitches. But when she's innocent, she'll always defend herself. But in that time...well, she knew what she did wrong. She just didn't know what to do. She hardly moved or spoke... and they were really pressing her."
(Ayumi): "So...how did it go from there, to you getting kicked out?"
The moment those words were said, my mind instantly went blank. As I began seeing a pitch-black void, with countless memories, flooding through like a waterfall of ambivalence. But slowly, were filling color in every spot, painting my vision into that moment of the very incident.
Back at the old house. Sitting on the floor with my sister who also sat beside me. Close to crying her eyes out, while our parents were standing in-front of us... silently seething in those 15-16 years. At least our dad was. That look he had reflected back at us like burning mirrors. However, our mother didn't know where to look. She just seemed distant and ashamed of the current state of our family. As it had been crumbling down, more and more over the years.
For my sister well, it was too much for her that she started looking down, as if the core of the Earth became her guilty conscience. Tremendous weight pulling her to the floor. Though, she was just holding herself up barely. Arms and hands, struggling to stay still. If at any moment, she could slip and really hit the floor. But our dad had no understanding. No clear conscience of his own behavior and actions. What he desired more than love was his fun time.
(Mr. Kishinuma): "That settles it. We're sending you over to the new school. And you, you're going to stop seeing that worthless, worthless... worthless, drunk of an uncle. Understand?"
(Miki): "Dad... please don't do this! I can't start over...!"
(Mr. Kishinuma): "You should've thought of that before you decided to smoke."
That man is supposed to be our father... yet, he wasn't willing to accept his own responsibilities. Over his own son and daughter. Over his own fucking mistakes. And now, out of all times, now? He was deciding where our lives will go? When the bastard wasn't at any of our lowest points to began with?
(Mr. Kishinuma): "It's a real shame we have to get at this point. Really shameful out of the both of you. Next week, a lot's going to change."
(Miki): "*Sniffles*"
(Mr. Kishinuma): "Be sure to say goodbye to your teachers and friends, Miki."
My fist then began to clench, so tightly my knuckles felt like they were popping out of my hand. Same can be said for the vessels around my head. The unborn fury was physically slipping out. Ready to be unleashed...at someone in any given moment.
(Mr. Kishinuma): "And you. Your childish bullcrap is over. Keep them up, and your next home will be the streets. Got it?"
(Miki): "*Sob*"
My sister didn't deserve this...
This isn't the memory she should be having...
But our poor excuse of a father... wanted this. He wanted the worst outcome of everything.
(Mr. Kishinuma): "Do you understand now? Huh, Yoshiki? Do you? Or are you going to continue being a disappointment?"
(Miki): "*Sob* *Deep sob*"
Just like that, the fury inside me consumed every bit of the patience I had, over his weak ass parenting.
My sister's cries were continously feeding the flames, but not because of her crying, but because they were caused by him.
Because of the man who didn't know a fucking thing about responsibility.
A coward who would throw his own family at a highway if it saved his own skin.
I wasn't going to take it anymore.
It has been far, far too long.
(Yoshiki): "What I understand... is that you're a big piece of shit!"
I finally snapped... bringing all attention of the room to me. With shock in everyone's faces.
(Mr. Kishinuma): "...?!"
(Miki): "...!"
(Mrs. Kishinuma): "...!"
(Mr. Kishinuma): "What did you just say...?!"
Then I stood up on my two feet, moved forward, inches apart from each other's face.
(Yoshiki): "That cigarette isn't hers! That's mine and you know damn well she wouldn't take them! But I guess you wouldn't know since you're never around, DAD!"
(Mr. Kishinuma): "..."
(Mrs. Kishinuma): "Yoshiki...!"
(Yoshiki): "Where do you get off from telling us how bad we are? Huh? Tell us! Because you haven't been there when we needed you! It's always the same fucking routine of you coming here, just to spit at us while we're down! Year after year! But you expect us to change? To get 'better' because you're too afraid to be responsible? Because spending your time getting high and drunk, is more important than how we turn out, right?"
(Mr. Kishinuma): "Stop... right there..."
(Yoshiki): "NO! I've had enough! I'm done! I'm not holding back anymore! I'm fucking ready to put you in your place! Once and for all you rotten, deadbeat bastard!"
I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't even stop myself having thoughts of him getting pulverized. The urge of wanting to hurt him, had me blinded of everything around me. As if... I was possessed by the hatred itself. Leading me to raise my arm back.
It was right there. Ready to swing at full force.
But...
(Yoshiki): "...?"
Before I could swing, a gentle grab prevented me to lunge my knuckles deep into his stupid, unforgivable face.
(Miki): "Yoshiki! S-Stop!"
Miki was pulling me back. Although, I didn't punch him, my words were hitting him harder than what muscle can do. He couldn't even say a damn thing.
(Miki): "It doesn't...It doesn't need to go there! We don't need to fight anymore...!"
(Yoshiki): "I'm not letting him do this to you!"
(Mr. Kishinuma): "You're right, Miki... There doesn't need to be anymore fighting... Your brother has made his choice..."
(Yoshiki): "..."
Miki kept pulling me to the top of the stairs, guiding us to one of our rooms while our worthless dad began shouting.
(Mr. Kishinuma): "If you're not out of here by tomorrow morning, you're the police's problem! You ungrateful shit!"
(Yoshiki): "Better than hearing your bullshit you JOKE of a father!"
(Mr. Kishinuma): "...!"
(Miki): "Let it go...!"
(Yoshiki): "..."
Her gentle pulling and her soft voice kept me in check.
The frustrations were now mellowing out little-by-little, with the force in my fist now completely gone. As I was struggling to keep it closed like how I had it seconds ago. But my hand was definitely shaking just as much as my heart, as the adrenaline had me feeling all sorts of intensity.
(Yoshiki): "..."
I was really that close to swinging at that bastard...
...
My own fucking dad...
Eventually, me and Miki made it to her room. Both of us sitting on her bed. Door and window shut with her upbeat, j-pop music at low volume, playing in the background. The lights were dimmed too, with the exception of her favorite nightlight. The same one I bought her many months ago.
(Miki): "*Sniffles*"
(Yoshiki): "..."
None of us were saying a word. Although when we weren't talking, there were ongoing, back and forth arguments between our folks, still able to be heard in muffles as the walls were barely layered enough. Besides their yelling, another noise became known. The front door of our home, opened, but quickly after... slammed shut that shook Miki's door and window. Assuming that asshole left to be at one of his friends' houses to go smoke and have a bottle of hypocrisy. Practically chugging the same shit that he tried to paint our uncle as. But knowing the arguing had stopped below us, my sister finally spoke to me...
(Miki): "W-Why?..."
It wasn't a rhetorical question. She was genuinely asking me something.
(Miki): "Why did you open your mouth you...you dumb idiot?"
I sighed and talked in a somewhat calm voice.
(Yoshiki): "What? You expect me to stay quiet after the stupid shit he said? It wasn't going to fly by me!"
(Miki): "...*Sniffles*"
(Yoshiki): "For real! Who does he think he is? Does he really think he's in the right? After ALL the responsibilities he's already ran from?"
(Miki): "He's still our...dad!"
(Yoshiki): "...Miki. No dad would let this happen."
Miki curled up to me and held my body with her head over my shoulder.
She didn't argue back this time.
(Yoshiki): "If he wants to be our dad, he would not be putting all the blame on us! He would own up to his mistakes and not make up excuses or turn away from responsibility!"
(Miki): "..."
(Yoshiki): "It's not just him... even mom. They've been neglecting us for far too long!"
(Miki): "But Yoshiki... I'm not going to see you anymore... and you're going...you're going to be gone...!"
(Yoshiki): "..."
(Miki): "What am I supposed to do without my brother...? *Sniffles*"
Miki's hands were pulling down hard on my uniform.
(Yoshiki): "It's not over."
(Miki): "*Sniffles*"
(Yoshiki): "We're still going to see each other. I can promise you that. Okay?"
(Miki): "*Sobs*"
These were the words that should ease her troubles, but she kept tearing up and shaking her head... denying something.
(Yoshiki): "What's wrong? You don't think your brother keeps his promises?"
(Miki): "*Sniffles* I'm just scared...of not knowing what's...what's going to happen after tonight! This is...This has never happened before! It's gotten so bad...!"
(Yoshiki): "..."
(Miki): "You're literally going away tomorrow... everything's going to change and...I can't help... I can't...I can't do anything to help you!"
(Yoshiki): "..."
(Miki): "And...And it's becuz of me!"
(Yoshiki): "No."
(Miki): "...*Sniffles*"
(Yoshiki): "It's not because of you. This wouldn't be happening in the first place, if we just had mom and dad take car-"
(Miki): "Even so! That doesn't mean I get a free-pass! I did...I did do something wrong! And you took the blame for me!... Becuz of me, you're getting kicked out!"
(Yoshiki): "But it's my choice for standing up against them. I'm being kicked out, because I also screwed up..."
(Miki): "...*Sniffles*"
(Yoshiki): "And you stopped me from making it worse. Remember?"
Miki then held onto the same arm I almost punched our dad with.
(Yoshiki): All of us screwed up, but now... we just need to think clearly. Do better from this."
(Miki): "...Do better. *Sniffles*"
(Yoshiki): "You know what that means right?"
(Miki): "..."
(Yoshiki): "Get clean. Don't end up like me. Got it?"
Suddenly it got quiet. But Miki pulled herself up and started nodding as she cleaned her eyes out.
(Miki): "...As long as you let me...come see you. I'll drop that stuff. And...I'll get ahead in school."
(Yoshiki): "Good! That's what I wanna hear."
Moments after, we were in my room as Miki was helping me pack my belongings. While packing, I showed her an envelope of yen tucked inside. Shit tons of earnings I saved when my uncle hired me to work at his bait shop during our last Summer vacation. Saved for a rainy day.
(Yoshiki): "See? I got yen saved up. I can definitely afford a place on my own!"
(Miki): "Only for like... a month..."
(Yoshiki): "Which is why I'm going to be working hard to survive."
(Miki): "..."
That didn't make her happier.
So I reminded her of someone important.
(Yoshiki): "Plus, we got our uncle too. He can always help us out when we need him."
(Miki): "Uncle Su..."
Tatsuo Kishinuma. Our dad's brother. Comparing them, clearly our uncle was made to be an actual father. He had always been there, especially in our toughest times when we needed a parent figure. With him, we knew he's the only other person we could trust in the world. Too bad he was still out in the big waters, collecting dollar bills. So we had to wait a week until he could return back home to help us sort out through this bullshit.
(Yoshiki): "With or without him... What matters is that we still got each other. We're going to make it in this world together."
(Miki): "..."
(Yoshiki): "You got that, Miki?"
She still didn't say a word. But where she really spoke came from her actions, as she went to me for a long hug.
(Miki): "..."
(Yoshiki): "..."
We didn't let go at all. We still hugged for what it felt like to be the last of our moments. Not that it was going to be. But that's what we did for awhile. Treating every second like if it was our last, until I had to really go. Which we literally pulled an all-nighter, spending most of our time choosing out a cheap apartment for me. One that was close to my school. And close to Miki so when she visits, it wouldn't be a hassle for either of us.
Through it all, it didn't seem that our dad was ever returning home. It was too quiet in the house.
(Miki): "What about this apartment? They have one spot available on the third floor! With one bedroom, one bathroom. A kitchen and good utility! It's pretty cheap too! And it's not that far from here! It's even furnished by the landlord"
I looked it over and it was everything I needed.
(Yoshiki): "Good eye, Miki! This place will definitely work!"
(Miki): "...Heh! Great!"
So then I called the number that's provided on the webpage. Got into contact with the apartment manager and to my luck, they were still awake and working. The call took for about a good five-minutes.
Now all I had to do was be there. Which me and Miki left the house with some of my personal belongings in our hands, as we traveled on foot for another fourty-minutes until we were met with a woman, who happened to be in her early twenties. From there I then showed her my ID, but... that was all I had on me, well besides the cash and some of my belongings. But I didn't have certain, important items to get the other requirements checked off the list.
"Sir, you don't have any... proof? No bank statements? No credit?"
(Yoshiki): "I don't have either of those on me... at least, not right now."
"..."
(Yoshiki): "Ma'am, I know it doesn't look good... but I have the money! It's right here! It can cover at least a couple months of stays! And I am currently employed!"
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't just...let you in without following proper procedure. Our requirements need to be met. So I absolutely need to verify your history."
Then I just opened the envelope and spread the yen in my hands.
(Yoshiki): "Right here! See?... I got it!"
"I'm really sorry sir... I can't take that without verifying your background."
Of course...
I couldn't defend myself here. And I really didn't want to give her a sob story. But what else am I supposed to do? I couldn't convince her what I already had. But I didn't want to beg. I couldn't...
(Yoshiki): "Are you sure you can't just...keep quiet?"
The woman shook her head.
"I can't sir... again, I'm really sorry. I have to turn you away..."
Before I could get another word in, Miki then stepped forward. As she started speaking in one of her softest voices. Softer than flowers being picked up by wind.
(Miki): "Hey miss! You look like a really nice woman... and we know you're trying to do your job. But my brother... he's recently been kicked out!"
"...?"
She's really bringing that up...
(Miki): "Our parents didn't give him time at all... this literally happened just a few hours ago, and we've been searching all night, for a place for him to settle in! And... and...!"
Miki then... got on her knees with her hands together.
(Yoshiki): "Miki...!"
(Miki): "We don't have anywhere else to go! So please! Look the other way! For this one time! I don't want...I don't want my brother living in the streets! I want him to be somewhere safe and comfy!"
"Honey... please get up. I-I can't-"
(Miki): "My brother always keeps his promises! He won't EVER back down from his payments!"
"..."
(Miki): "...Please! Give him a chance! You won't regret this!"
"..."
My mind was just blank. I didn't know what to do in that moment, but it wasn't long until the woman shrugged her shoulders and spoke up with relieve in her voice.
"How can I say no to that face?"
(Miki): "...?!"
(Yoshiki): "...!"
The woman then got on her knees too and rested her hands on Miki's shoulders.
"Your brother can stay!"
(Miki): "R-Really...?!"
She nodded with a smile.
"Let's go get his paperwork!"
From there, the woman went to grab the agreement forms. Once she had them in her hands, we were then escorted to the room. Finding ourselves everything matched to the pictures on the website. Where the kitchen had the bar that separated itself from the other rooms. A wide open gap where you can see the oven, fridge, the cabinets, poking out. The bedroom had it's double-sized bed, a lamp on it's own table with a bookcase pressed into the wall. Then there was a TV, a table and couch at one end. Of course, the bathroom had it's own toilet, sink and shower. Relatively medium sized rooms that felt like enough space to have a Birthday party of sixteen or so friends. The longer I was inside the building, the more it felt like I belonged there. And the sight of everything was just fulfilling for what it's worth. I couldn't imagine the view ever getting dull. It was perfect for the mundane life.
(Miki): "Wooooow! This place is amazing!"
"Here are your papers you need to fill out! Do read the fine print!"
Once I signed through them then...
"Here is your key! If you have any questions, I will be in my room below!"
(Yoshiki): "That's it?"
"You are done here, sir!"
(Miki): "Thank you very much, miss!"
(Haruna): "Call me Kizami! That is my family's name! Haruna is my first!"
Kizami...
...
No, no that can't be.
A lot of people share the same family names, yeah.
(Miki): "Thank you again, Kizami! You're a real life saver!"
(Haruna): "Hm-Hm! Have a good night you two!"
We waved at her and she waved back.
Once she was gone, me and Miki looked at each other with great relief. Miki's face couldn't hide her emotions as it had this "bitter-sweet" smile. Where you knew she wanted to cry, but was happy enough to not breakdown as she now knew I had a place to myself. A place that she can come over to visit, whenever she can.
(Miki): "That was a close one! I thought we were going to run into more problems!"
(Yoshiki): "We don't have to anymore! Thanks to you!"
But then...her tears were falling, as she continued giving me that hurting smile.
(Miki): "Heh... yeah...!"
(Yoshiki): "..."
(Miki): "Anyway, um... I should get back home before our parents get the wrong ideas! And besides, you need to get settled in too so yeah... best if we call it a nigh-"
Before she turned, I called out to her.
(Yoshiki): "Miki."
(Miki): "Y-Yeah bro?"
Few steps forward, Miki was now in my arms as I was holding her tightly once again.
(Yoshiki): "When you can, come after school. Okay?"
Finally, her body began to relax. And our hug got even better. Too good that we didn't want to let go.
(Miki): "First chance I get!"
Even when things go really bad, this very specific moment... would always keep me going. There's never a reason to stop. Not when I have a sister like her to look after.
(Yoshiki): "..."
Though we were still hugging, my vision began getting... hazy. That led to complete darkness. But even more, the feeling of my sister was no longer in my arms, or rather... any feeling. My body seemed to have just gone numb.
(Yoshiki): "...?"
Not more than a split second, a few blinks in, now I was in a different place. Though it didn't take very long to notice that I was back in the present. Standing by Shinozaki, as she gently gripped on her skirt and glanced at the ground. While for me, I kept seeing fragments of my memories carrying over in my vision. The times when Miki and me spent time together inside and outside of my new place. Days I could look back at and know... everything did went better for us.
(Ayumi): "That must've been really difficult... taking the blame, dealing with your parents... moving out... in such short notice..."
(Yoshiki): "I did what a brother should do. Didn't matter to me at all where I went or how hard I was going to fall. My sister is important, and they clearly were not thinking about her..."
(Ayumi): "..."
(Yoshiki): "But after that day, our folks seemed to turn their act around."
(Ayumi): "Really?..."
I nodded.
(Yoshiki): "From what I'm told, they are now paying more attention to her. Overall, acting like actual parents. So things have really been changing for the better."
(Ayumi): "That's great! I'm glad to hear that!"
We could've kept moving on from there. But a question did resurface itself. Right before the conversation went where it did. I had to know.
(Yoshiki): "There's one thing I wanna ask you."
(Ayumi): "Hmm? Yeah?"
(Yoshiki): "How do you know I live in an apartment?"
The confused look on her face suggested that this was common knowledge. But only a couple people knew about my personal life. Nobody else could have known. Somehow, Shinozaki tried convincing me in this naive act. It was really genuine though so... it was hard to believe she would be lying.
(Ayumi): "Why wouldn't I know?"
(Yoshiki): "Before today, I never shared you my personal life... not once."
(Ayumi): "Really? I thought we had this conversation befor-"
Right at the end of her own words, the pulses in her body sent a shock wave into her senses, causing her voice to suddenly drop, also causing her to stiffen her posture and bringing her to quickly cover her own mouth. Wide eyes and a few steps back. Now she definitely must understand what she said wrong. No justifying this slip-up. But she continued trying to act dumb. And that made me... skeptical.
(Ayumi): "Oh, you're right! Ignore me... I'm uh, misremembering! Yeah!"
(Yoshiki): "Misremembering me with who?..."
(Ayumi): "I uhh... um..."
She placed her hands behind her back and grinded her heel into the ground.
(Yoshiki): "Have you been following me?"
That was me fucking around.
Oh but the change before my eyes... Shinozaki was then crumbling down. Her voice was getting shaky, even on her footing she looked as if she could topple over and land on the ground.
The way she defended herself, was exactly the same Shinozaki I knew day-to-day. This was something I could handle. But her reaction was over-the-top. Over what I said?
(Ayumi): "N-No...?!"
(Yoshiki): "...?"
(Ayumi): "That's...That's stupid! Why would I follow you, you idiot...?!"
(Yoshiki): "Well did you?"
(Ayumi): "N-No! Of course not!"
Her emotions were too intense. I couldn't take her fidgeting, her stammering and her turning away seriously. She was definitely not being honest to me about something.
(Yoshiki): "...Then why are you acting weird all of a sudden?"
(Ayumi): "..."
There was no way she could continue pretending. Every second of her being silent just kept exposing herself.
(Yoshiki): "Now you're going to go silent on me?"
(Ayumi): "I don't have to explain myself."
(Yoshiki): "Well it would help me sleep at night if you're not stalking me outside of my own place."
That got her good. Her constant overreacting had me wanting to laugh.
(Ayumi): "I'm not! *Sigh* Okay! Fine! I'm explaining myself, right here, right now... you better listen up, okay?"
(Yoshiki): "Okay."
(Ayumi): "Are you listening?"
(Yoshiki): "Yeah, go on."
(Ayumi): "I know becuz well...I heard it from Shinohara! There? Happy?"
Again, that name was brought up. But hearing it now, it started to make more sense.
(Yoshiki): "Oh so you both have been talking about me?"
(Ayumi): "Well yeah, you're part of her life... and she likes you so... that's kinda expected for her to bring you up!"
She can't be serious?...
My eyes were so wide they could fall out of my head... if I could've known THAT sooner!
But that couldn't be... Shinohara, actually liking me? That much?
An actual, genuine crush?...
(Yoshiki): "I'm having a hard time understanding this... are you saying, I can have a potential date with somebody? Right now?"
(Ayumi): "Oh no that's not happening! She's way out of your league!"
One moment, pure happiness... One moment after, crippling depression and embarrassment. All within one minute.
It even made me stutter in confusion as I tried to grasp what these polar opposite responses had really meant.
(Yoshiki): "W-What?..."
(Ayumi): "Although, she did say you'd make a perfect boyfriend."
Now I couldn't take her seriously anymore...
This had to be her getting revenge over what I just did to her.
(Yoshiki): "Okay, stop screwing with me..."
(Ayumi): "I'm serious! That's what she's said about you!"
(Yoshiki): "Sure, whatever... don't we have a place to be?"
(Ayumi): "Yeah, give me one moment."
Shinozaki pulled out her phone, and then from there... she began typing, assuming she was sending more messages to one or more of her contacts. But from her looks, the seriousness never went away.
(Yoshiki): "..."
Was she literally telling me the truth just a moment ago?
(Ayumi): "I'm done... let's keep walking."
(Yoshiki): "Okay."
Even after she checked her stuff, she actually... sounded worst.
More worried over... something.
Eitherway, we kept walking further and further. At least a mile or so, no longer seeing anybody else taking the path where we were on. It literally was just us, with no vehicles to be seen traveling by.
(Yoshiki): "...?"
Hell, I couldn't tell where we were going anymore...
We weren't in the city.
But we weren't even in the outskirts.
Our direction was literally taking us towards the boonies. An area that was extremely far that even our phones couldn't get a signal for the life of Shinozaki, as she kept tapping and tapping and tapping on her phone. For no results. Which caused the both of us to stop on foot. Leading me to question her.
(Yoshiki): "No service?"
(Ayumi): "I guess not...my messages keep failing to send..."
(Yoshiki): "And your sister is all the way out there?"
(Ayumi): "..."
Does she not know?
Now we were just standing there. Seemingly debating to ourselves of where we should go. Though Shinozaki kept gripping on her phone, while she had her eyes on the crooked, dirt path ahead of us. The same path that would lead us to a wilderness that our lives could never be prepared for. Which we were still in the eyes of the public, as there were numerous people from the far distances, still walking to their destinations with the surrounding tall buildings barely lighting up in their bright, jazzy, neon colors. Pinpointing that we were already too far in the night. With the sounds of insects chirping and breezes swiping the atmosphere. And sudden, metallic ringing across as those were the wind chimes.
I didn't think Shinozaki was going to say anything, but eventually she did. Speaking in that low, confused tone which had also put me in doubts. Turning the suspension up a notch.
(Ayumi): "I have no idea..."
(Yoshiki): "No idea?... No idea of what?..."
In disbelief, I shook my head and walked a few steps back, raising my hands above my waist.
(Yoshiki): "Hold on! Do you really not know where your sister goes? At all?..."
(Ayumi): "This is the farthest point we say our goodbyes..."
(Yoshiki): "Shinozaki...Answer me. Do YOU know where she goes?"
(Ayumi): "...No. I actually don't know."
(Yoshiki): "Then why the hell are we all the way out here if we can't find her?..."
Suddenly the fear spoke out of her. Even in her sudden quivering.
(Ayumi): "Becuz I'm worried! She...She hasn't messaged or called, or even read any of my DMs! It's been like that all day and it's stressing me out!"
(Yoshiki): "She hasn't responded to you?..."
(Ayumi): "Do you think I'm playing around?..."
(Yoshiki): "That's not what I'm thinking at all... I'm just trying to understand what's going on."
(Ayumi): "..."
Then I gave a deep sigh, already getting the idea of how exhausting this night is going to become. More or so less leading me to wake up tomorrow with little rest and ridiculous sores that would make work more of a living hell.
(Yoshiki): "Alright so... what are we going to do now? Run into the woods and get lost?"
(Ayumi): "We have to do something... she might be in trouble!"
(Yoshiki): "Of course. I get that. But we're going in there, without directions! We can easily end up missing."
(Ayumi): "I see..."
(Yoshiki): "See what?..."
(Ayumi): "If you're not coming with me... then I'm going alone."
(Yoshiki): "What?..."
(Ayumi): "I'm serious... if you're not coming... I'll go find her without your help..."
(Yoshiki): "Don't be stupid! We need an escort!"
Shinozaki's quiverings were getting worse. So as her emotions as she wasn't being her rational self.
(Ayumi): "I'm not...being stupid! I don't want anything bad to happen to my sister... I want her to be safe..."
Yoshiki): "But our safety comes first! If we don't ensure that, we could end up in a horrible situation... then we won't be able to find your sister, or find a way out for ourselves!"
(Ayumi): "..."
Shinozaki then faced the opposite direction. Seeing her like this had me wanting to... comfort her. Which one of my hands ended up resting on her shoulder. Somehow, my touch didn't get her attention. Her worrying must've been doing a number on her to not even care.
(Yoshiki): "Let's get an escort, okay? We could probably call Shinohara and have her father help us while we're at it. They could get a search team going!"
(Ayumi): "..."
This is really bothering her...
She's not even looking at me anymore.
(Yoshiki): "The more eyes we have, the easier it'll be to find your sister. That's something we can agree on! How about it?"
(Ayumi): "...!"
(Yoshiki): "...?"
Suddenly Shinozaki's entire body quivered dramatically, like if ice was shoved down her back. And her face justified that expression. Horrified and bewildered. Her voice even went dreadfully croaky.
(Ayumi): "Do you...Do you hear that?!"
(Yoshiki): "Hear what?..."
(Ayumi): "The crying! It sounds like a little girl!"
I peeked my head over to the direction where she was pointing at. Same direction being the forest... which didn't change what I could see or hear. Everything was normal. But somehow, Shinozaki was able to pick up on something that I couldn't.
(Yoshiki): "...Shinozaki, I don't hear anything. But look, we need to get some help before we-"
(Ayumi): "How can you not hear that?! There's something going horribly wrong! We need to find her!"
The fuck...
Without even realizing it, Shinozaki sprinted towards the forest and... I began chasing after her.
(Yoshiki): "Shinozaki! Wait!"
What the hell is going on?!
Already the eeriness had us on it's path. The "crying girl", Shinozaki was referring to, still couldn't be heard. For my ears, the only sounds were still the insects chirping, the winds plowing the tall, shady trees, and now... our footseps, along with the movement of grass and shrubs shifting at every given step. Even more, constant beating could also be heard roaring throughout the woods. A sign that... my heart was overexerting itself. Though, the pulsating grew large enough that I could feel my chest walls being pounded, given by every rough gasp.
(Yoshiki): "Shinozaki!"
I shouted vigorously, yet the calls weren't slowing Shinozaki down. She kept running and running... and running. But eventually, something caused her to stop, as I did the same. Reuniting us back together, in an open field where the moon light was glowing on us.
(Yoshiki): "*Pant* Shinozaki! *Pant* *Pant* Hey what the hell! What's up with you?"
(Ayumi): "..."
I wanted to go at her. Give her a huge piece of my mind but...
(Yoshiki): "...?"
The interrogation in me was swept away by a cold and gravely breeze. Leaving behind this overwhelming uncertainty, dangling over my body as the uninhabited, crippled land were showing those pillars of... death. The pillars of those who had died, spending their time in an after-life, somewhere far from our world. Though the uneasiness and this, "being stalked" sensation had proven otherwise. Setting the grim atmosphere that we weren't alone. But also making me feel...that we were trespassing a forbidden area. An area that's off-limits for our, or for any kind of company who still had their lives preserved. Unlike the one's who are already resting in peace. In their own, everlasting field of slumber.
(Yoshiki): "This is a cemetery..."
Enormous, yet a deserted land that is entirely separated of the populated region. But this cemetery also seemed purposely hidden going by how far they were distanced. Occupied by those large, ancient monuments, poking at the grim skies. Along with tall pieces of structures that were constructed to invoke other lost souls. Rallying them into a place where they could keep them from interfering of the living. That might be a strange description, but that seemed prevalently true going by how strong the presence that surrounded us. So strong, breathing didn't feel right. It felt...too heavy for my lungs that I could just start coughing. Yet Shinozaki, kept focusing ahead, slowly walking towards the tall, slim metal fencing.
(Ayumi): "I heard her somewhere in there..."
(Yoshiki): "Who?..."
(Ayumi): "You seriously didn't hear her?"
(Yoshiki): "Shinozaki, I haven't heard anyone but you...!"
(Ayumi): "..."
(Yoshiki): "Look, we need to get the hell out of here... this place doesn't...feel right. And if we want to find your sister, we need to get a search going! We can't get ourselves lost too!"
After saying that, Shinozaki's entire body jolted.
(Yoshiki): "...?"
(Ayumi): "We need to move quickly!"
(Yoshiki): "Hold up-"
She still didn't listen. What she did then was sprinted past the entranceway and into the haunting grounds.
(Yoshiki): "Shinozaki! Stop!"
What the fuck is this?...
Again... I couldn't hear anybody. But for Shinozaki, somehow she could hear a "voice" that was still leading her on a specific path. Furthering us from survival and into the palms of danger where neither of us could possibly remember the directions we took to get to our current location. Even when that's the case, Shinozaki ignored every sense of safety, or just everything in general... as this supposed "girl" mattered the most to her. Even so, we were literally in a goddamn cemetery... a place where you least expect a living person to be at, this late.
(Yoshiki): "Shinozaki! What the hell are you doing?"
(Ayumi): "..."
(Yoshiki): "There's nobody here besides us! Stop acting like this!"
(Ayumi): "..."
(Yoshiki): "Holy shit! Shinozaki! Are you even listening?!..."
None of my words were reaching her. She kept moving on her own without ever responding or showing any signs of listening. Which led me to grab for her hand and hold her back.
(Ayumi): "...!"
(Yoshiki): "That's enough! We're getting the hell out of here!"
Unlike the annoying tantrum she would normally have on me, the behavior of hers went just as soft, bringing out one of her gentle voices to ease the tension. Maybe she finally realized something was off?
(Ayumi): "Kishinuma... how are you unable to hear her?..."
(Yoshiki): "Because there's nobody out here besides us!"
(Ayumi): "..."
(Yoshiki): "Your way of perceiving things is screwed up! And I'm sure that has something to do with you worrying over your sister! Which is probably why you're hearing things!"
(Ayumi): "But Kishinuma... I heard an actual voice... crying for help! It sounds too real to be fake..."
(Yoshiki): "It's your mind playing tricks on you!"
(Ayumi): "..."
Noticing how long I was holding her, I released and moved in-front of her so my eyes could persuade her the truth.
(Yoshiki): "Trust me! I would be hearing it too! Nobody else is out here!"
(Ayumi): "I don't know what to say..."
(Yoshiki): "Don't say anything! Let's go! Let's get out of here!"
Right as those words slipped out of my mouth, Shinozaki yet again jumped as if she was hearing a "scream". Herself now staring at a direction where a cabin with an open doorway could be seen taking over the background. Looking to be abandoned but also radiating this disturbing aura. A manifestation of nightmares, clinging at every inch of it's compartments and the soil, seemingly crawling over to us by using the shadows in it's surroundings. At any moment, something could pop out from them or the opening of that daunting, black hole within that cabin... something just as unnatural and horrifying of what we were feeling.
(Ayumi): "This feels really off now..."
(Yoshiki): "Just follow me!"
I grabbed for her hand again and guided her. Backtracking us slowly. But... something caught our attention, leaving us paralyzed on foot. Each of us gasping simultaneously.
(Yoshiki and Ayumi): "...!"
In the distance, metal could be heard moving... as if it were the fences, being closed off by... someone. Undoubtedly, the same fences we used to get inside the cemetery.
Now we were really not alone...
(Ayumi): "D-Did you hear that...?!"
(Yoshiki): "That's not right..."
The uneasiness had my skin feeling these nocturnal fires piercing at me. Along with the noises going off as gunshots to my ears. Everything within the atmosphere drastically went against my survival instincts, as there was no safe option. No hope to escape from this "foreboding" force. Literally I couldn't even stand straight.
(Ayumi): "...Kishinuma! Where do we go?!..."
I looked at every direction. Still unable to find a safe place to hide. But we had to keep going so I moved us over to a few wide and tall stone pillars, keeping us crouched behind them as the winds blew at our direction. Besides the winds, the ground could be heard being stomped by heavy boots, and noises of... something being dragged through the dirt.
(Ayumi): "...?!"
(Yoshiki): "..."
From the movements, they were seemingly approaching towards the cabin. Though they were going there, I couldn't resist sticking my head out to confirm my suspicions. Which turned out to be one of the worst decisions I've made in my entire life.
(Yoshiki): "...!"
The real horror was now before my eyes. As there was a large, sharp, wet axe... literally inches away from slicing my face open. Ready to be used on... another victim of the night.
