"There is a way to heal my father."

"How?"

"With magic."

The words turned over and around within Merlin's mind until the sounds and the shapes of the letters existed without any meaning at all.

Arthur had been regent for a year now. Uther's health had been steadily declining. This was inevitable. It wasn't like the past, when Arthur wasn't ready to be king, when protecting Arthur meant protecting Uther too. Arthur was ready now, everyone could see it; everyone except for Arthur that is.

It was Uther's time to die. Merlin knew that. But Arthur was devastated. He was ready to become king, but he was not ready to lose his father. Really, how could Merlin let him die? Allowing Arthur to be crushed in this way was hardly protecting his heart, perhaps protecting Uther still came as part of his destiny.

It had to be him, of course, no other sorceror would voluntarily heal Uther Pendragon. The man had killed so many... it wasn't just his time to die, the tyrant deserved his fate.

But for Arthur, Merlin would do anything.

And for magic... If Arthur was willing to use magic, even just in his desperation, if he was willing to believe there could be good done with magic, then that was worth anything and more to Merlin. This could make Arthur see the goodness in magic, to accept it... to accept him.

His initial urge was to use his aging spell. But if Arthur was going to hold out a hand in trust, to condone the use of magic, then how could Merlin do any less? How could he decieve his friend when he was so vulnerable and yet so willing to risk everything? If Arthur was ready to believe that maybe magic could be good... maybe it was time.

Just as Merlin consciously realised the finality of his decision, Gaius entered.

"Arthur plans to use magic to heal his father." He informed his guardian.

"Arthur's planning on using magic?"

"He's desperate. He knows it's his only hope." Merlin explained.

"Merlin, please tell me you are not going to do this." He walked over to where Merlin was still sitting at the bench.

Gaius sounded grave but Merlin could only reply, "I'd be lying if I said 'no'."

He was actually going to do this, he could scarcely believe his own willfulness.

"You can't risk exposing yourself like this."

"Why not, Gaius?" Merlin demanded as he finally swung around to face the man. "This could mean freedom. For myself and for every magic-user in all of Camelot. Is that not worth the risk?"

"Uther will hardly thank you for healing him with magic. He will never change his attitude towards magic."

"I know that. But if Arthur really allows this, he will see that magic can be a force for good. I won't have to hide anymore." The last he could barely bring himself to say. It had been his truest wish since he'd realised what it meant to have magic, all he'd ever wanted was to be free. He had to do this. It was worth anything and more, and it was certainly worth his secret. If Arthur was willing to take the risk than so was he.

As he stood up to walk to the door Gaius said, "I can't stand by and watch you do this Merlin."

"Don't try and stop me, because you can't." He said determined.

The atmosphere grew heavier with tension, and Merlin didn't want to leave Gaius this way; with defiance and things left unsaid, not when he was barreling towards a moment that promised only uncertainty.

"I'll need the right spell. Please, Gaius, don't make me do this alone."

Gaius sighed. "Of course, my boy."

Gaius turned to search his books, as Merlin left to go to Arthur's chambers.

XxX

"Well? What did Gaius say? Did he have any information?" Arthur asked as soon as Merlin entered the room.

"Yes." Merlin gulped, the suddeness of the situation settled in as Merlin forced himself to breathe steadily. "There is a sorceror willing to help."

Arthur stared at him surprise. "That simple?" Arthur looked around as if only now recognising how daunting the situation was. Was Merlin being too rash? Was Arthur not yet ready for this? "If you were me, if it was your father, would you use magic to save his life?"

The question curiously enough had a calming effect, something reassuring that made this moment feel like a culmination. A culmination of lies and secrecy, Merlin hoped.

He looked Arthur in the eye.

"I did meet my father once. And he did die. Had I known how to save him that day, I would have done so without hesitation."

"Using magic?"

"I'm not scared of magic, Arthur. I couldn't use it to heal my father, but I could to heal yours."

Arthur's whole expression widened, as drew a sharp intake of breath. "Merlin, what are you talking about?"

"I said there is a sorceror willing to help." He had to pause to remind himself to breathe while Arthur stared at him... well not with any identifiable expression exactly, but like he hadn't yet decided how to react. "I'm willing to help."

"But you're not... you're not... I would know." He finished firmly.

"I'm sorry." And there was nothing else he could think to say asides from, "I was afraid." It came out as a whisper.

Arthur gaped. "You're saying that you're... and you're offering to... why?"

It wasn't heartening that Arthur couldn't even say the words, but his trouble making a full sentence also meant that Merlin wasn't certain what he was asking. Why use magic or why offer to heal Uther? He decided to answer the latter.

"I told you. I watched my father die and I would've done anything to save him. I can't let you go through that too Arthur. Not when you're my friend..." Or at least Merlin hoped he still was.

"You're willing to use magic to save my father?"

"Yes."

"You already know... I know that you're aware the practice of sorcery is punishable by death."

Merlin consciously kept his face and voice calm. "How could I forget? I was thinking along the lines that you wouldn't execute a sorceror who saved your father's life. Was I wrong?" Please, he begged, please don't let him have been wrong. He put everything on line, he thought Arthur was willing to too.

"Of course not. I-" Arthur took a deep breath. "You'll explain, after..." Merlin nodded repeatedly. "Good. Then meet me in my father's chambers by next candlemark." Arthur nodded conclusively, the deal made.

XxX

After informing Agravaine of his plans to heal his father, Arthur made his way to his father's chambers. He hadn't mentioned Merlin to his uncle, he couldn't bring himself to say it.

When he'd suggested using magic to heal his father, this wasn't what he'd meant. Merlin wasn't supposed to come back and announce himself as a sorceror. The whole idea was... absurd, nonsensical, farcical, contrary to all reason. He could not understand it, no matter what way he looked at it, it was preposterous.

How could Merlin have magic? How could he have learnt it? It was Merlin. The man was an idiot, he cowered behind trees, joked about Arthur's socks and couldn't walk along a flat surface without landing on his face. He was the farthest from ordinary, but he was even further from magical, of that Arthur had never doubted. He'd been so sure that the thought hadn't even required articulation. Merlin and magic were incongruous, Merlin was just too... good. Magic was mysterious, and powerful and deadly. It demanded the respect of a foe. Merlin was a mystery, but he was about as deadly as one of the fluffy bunny rabbits he raves on about and before today Arthur would have laughed at the suggestion his servant could hold any true power. Merlin was deserving of respect, of that Arthur had learned, but he didn't demand it, not through duplicity or ostentatiousness. Merlin was humble and, yes at least in his own head, Arthur would admit courageous. But it was a quiet courage; Merlin was kind and selfless and loyal. He had earned Arthur's respect, not as a foe or a knight but as a man, as a friend.

Putting Merlin and magic together was like jamming a puzzle piece into a place it didn't fit. At least one of the two had to be entirely different for the two to coexist. So which was he wrong about, Merlin or magic?

Arthur's chest hollowed with each passing minute.

XxX

Arthur was slumped in a chair by his father's bedside, chin in hand and staring at the still form lying under the sheets when Merlin quietly entered the room. Merlin walked around to stand on the opposite side of the bed and Arthur rose so they both stood over Uther's body.

He'd been overthinking this, and that was likely why unease roiled in his belly but there was still a chance, possibly unlikely, that he couldn't trust any of this.

"I'm not sure I know who you are." He told the other man.

Familiar blue eyes seemed to shine. "Arthur, I'm Merlin."

"Merlin I trusted. Merlin, I'd know why he was here. You're a sorceror, why would you even volunteer for this."

The sorceror looked Arthur in the eye and Arthur to the end of his days would swear he saw nothing but sincerity in his gaze and felt nothing else in his words. "I don't believe Uther is evil. He has done horrible things, but he is your father. And he loves you. He would do anything to protect you, and I respect that. I don't want you to lose him."

He decided to believe in Merlin, even if he used magic. He believed in that moment that he could trust that what Merlin was telling him was the irrefutable truth.

Merlin must have seen something in his face for he suddenly took action. He retrieved a bundle of herbs from his jacket and with a flash of golden eyes the bundle caught alight. Merlin mumbled unintelligible words as he waved the smoke-producing herbs over Uther's body.

"Wait."

Merlin looked up at him uncertainly.

"You said you were afraid." With everything that had been said the little detail had seemed inconsequential. He wasn't sure why, when seeing Merlin use magic it seemed the most important thing in the world. Merlin looked at him in incomprehension and Arthur explained, "Before, when you told me... you apologised and you said you were afraid." Merlin nodded, his arm still outheld in a position that was fast becoming awkward as he stood still as a statue. "You would reveal yourself... risk your safety..."

"I would do anything that could prove the potential for good magic. I would do anything that meant my kind could live in peace."

Arthur stared at the sorceror before him astounded. "So this is to make me grateful and indebted towards you?" It wasn't his best attempt, but there was tiniest note of sarcasm hidden in there among the reluctant suspicion.

Merlin picked up on it, his lips quirking upwards at the edges. "If I was seeking gratitude I'd be better off finding another Prince."

Arthur smiled contentedly. For a moment, it felt normal, so long as they could joke with each other. But if Merlin was still Merlin then that meant what he was saying about 'good magic' and 'living in peace' was something Arthur would need to confront. "I promise that you won't have anything to fear anymore. Not from me, not from Camelot, I swear." Merlin grinned. It was a grin filled with more than Arthur could understand.

When he chanted another spell Arthur held no suspicions or doubt. He knew only joy when his father opened his eyes and looked at him, and in that blissful stand still moment, he did feel gratitude.

But then the moment ended. He registered, somewhat distantly, frantic movement and mumblings. Nothing comprehended. His father was dead. Merlin had chanted a spell. His father had woken. His father was dead.

Merlin had... killed him?

Arthur looked up and he saw a red neckerchief and black hair and blue eyes that held some indefinable emotion. He could not have in the moment told you what he was looking at. The tiniest sliver of clarity ran through his mind and connected his father, dead, to drawing his sword and calling for guards. After that he could not have told anyone what happened. There was a corpse, blood dripping off a sword, running feet and shouting.

And blue eyes holding that indefinable emotion staring right into his.