Arthur couldn't bring himself to visit the man who had meant so much to him until dark had fallen. The moonlight that shone upon the rest of the castle was blocked in the dungeon, all that was left was a flicker of torchlight.

Merlin still wore the rudimentary blindfold and gag but the rope that bound his hands and feet had been exchanged for heavy manacles. Arthur couldn't help but see the dampness to the cloth and the tear tracks on Merlin's dirt-covered skin.

He growled and shoved the cell door open. Merlin's head shot up but he couldn't see him until Arthur tore the blindfold off aggressively. Merlin blinked and then widened his eyes as a muffled sound escaped the neckerchief. Arthur crouched in front of him as he forced the gag back down to Merlin's neck.

"Arthur."

Arthur glared at him. He didn't sound any different.

"You're to be executed at dawn." Merlin lowered his gaze to the floor. "So consider this your last chance to explain." Merlin hunched over himself. Arthur didn't know what to think now of Merlin's refusal to look him in the eye. "Why? Just tell me that one thing. Just tell me why?"

Merlin opened and closed his mouth without a response. "I-" He croaked out, "I don't have an explanation."

Arthur punched the wall next to Merlin's head and Merlin flinched. "That's not good enough." He hissed. The only sound Arthur could hear was Merlin's heavy breathing. "Did our friendship mean nothing to you?"

"No! Arthur it meant everything to me."

"You murdered my father!" Arthur screamed at him. "If it had meant anything to you, you never would've done that." He ignored the sound of his own voice breaking.

Merlin let out a sob. "No, it did, I swear. I can't explain."

"Just tell me. Any explanation, something! Why would you do this? Why magic?!" Arthur screamed but Merlin just shook his head, wracked with sobs.

Arthur grabbed Merlin and heaved him upwards, shoving him against the wall. With Merlin's refusals Arthur could only answer the question himself, "You never cared."

"No." Arthur punched Merlin in the gut and he was cut off, left gasping for breath.

"Don't lie! You're a sorceror. You chose magic and chose to betray me!" Merlin shook his head and Arthur slapped him. "Stop lying." He jammed his knee up into Merlin's gut. "Go on, they're just chains." He slammed him against the wall until Merlin's head cracked against the stone. "Stop me. Go on. Stop lying, you don't give a damn about me! You chose magic!" Arthur screamed as he held his arm to Merlin's neck and pressed down. "Use your magic then, stop me, stop pretending!"

Merlin shook his head. He raised his head to choke out, "I can't, I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?!" He yelled releasing the pressure just enough.

"I can't hurt you!"

Arthur let go and dropped Merlin to the floor. He coughed and groaned. Those blue eyes that Arthur would once have sworn he knew so well, looked up at him in terror. He'd never looked at him like that.

"You already hurt me." He wasn't sure if he meant his father's death or Merlin's betrayal or what he was forcing him to do now.

"I didn't mean to." Arthur kicked him. "I swear." Merlin groaned. "I'm sorry." He choked out. Arthur balled up his fists. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" He spat.

"I tried to heal him. I swear I never meant to kill him. I'd never do that to you!" Merlin pleaded to the cell floor.

"That's not- Argh!" Arthur yelled, hitting Merlin. "Why won't you fight back?!" He screamed at the huddled form of his former friend. He wasn't sure if he was even talking about now. How many times had be beat up Merlin on training grounds, or thrown objects at him or overpowered him? Were all those insults the reason why Merlin turned against him? "Why did you never fight back?" He asked in a quieter voice.

Merlin raised his eyes. "I was afraid." Arthur remembered this. Eyes holding his, nothing but sincerity, even those very same words. "I couldn't let you find out. I'm sorry."

"You keep apologising but that's not an explanation." He needed an explanation. He needed Merlin to act like a traitor, to look at him with hatred and throw in his face all the ways Arthur had failed. Even if it hurt, at least then Arthur could understand.

Merlin shuffled on the floor, rearranging himself. He got into a kneeling position, head bowed.

"Don't you dare start being respectful now Merlin." Arthur growled at him.

"You don't believe me. I can't blame you. But I never meant to betray you. I can't explain what happened with your father because I don't understand. I have always been loyal to you, I never wanted anything asides from your friendship and... freedom. Why? Why would I give those things up? What did I stand to gain?" Arthur couldn't answer, that was precisely what he wanted to know. "I am sorry. I swear to you, I meant every word I said. What happened after... I can't explain." Merlin shook his head as he finished.

"That's it? You can't explain? You murdered my father using magic and all you have to tell me is that you can't explain how that happened?!"

Merlin didn't move or make a sound. He just knelt at his feet, submissive.

"The magic then? If you can't explain why you killed my father, perhaps you can explain why you became a sorceror." He hissed.

"I didn't become one."

"Merlin!"

"I'm not lying! I was born with magic, I never chose it."

Arthur stared at the man before him but had no idea what to make of any of this. "Explain." He ordered.

"I was born with magic." Merlin repeated. "I've had it all my life. For that alone I was to be an outcast no matter where I went. Hunted, only to be killed or exploited."

But he didn't end his explanation there. Merlin met his eyes with sincerity once more and continued, "You, Arthur, you don't see people's birth. You've knighted commoners and fallen for maids. You care about every one of your people no matter their circumstances, judging their character and actions instead. I believed. I had faith in you Arthur, that in your Kingdom I wouldn't have to live in fear.

"I was afraid. I've always been afraid. You gave me hope. I know I used magic behind your back and lied about it. I know I broke the law. But... I never meant you harm. I only ever thought the best of you. I only ever meant the best for you."

"You sure have a funny way of showing it." Arthur spat. Merlin cast his gaze back to the floor.

Arthur had so many questions and he'd come wanting answers, but he only had more questions. Primarily, whether he could believe anything in front of him, the words, the pain, the apparent shame, he couldn't make sense of any of it.

He turned and left, but it didn't help. He still didn't know if he could believe what was in front of him, his home, his people, his friends, none of it made sense anymore.

XxX

Arthur stood on the balcony. Despite Guinevere's constant questions (and his own secret doubts) he was able to stand there. It gave him a perfect vantage point to see with vivid clarity the gallows below, the gathered crowd and the way the noose swung in the breeze. At least it was quicker than burning, he didn't think he could stand there for that.

They brought him out, the guards rough and showing no clemency, his head hung low. Despite the number of people in the courtyard barely a noise was made. Much like Arthur they couldn't understand what they were witnessing, how they had come to this point, that bumbling, friendly Merlin was being lifted by his armpits onto the platform because he was a sorceror.

Arthur watched as the man he'd thought was his friend was directed to a stool and the noose placed around his neck. Before the bag was pulled over his head, Merlin looked up at him, and once again there were blue eyes filled with an indefinable emotion. They looked the same as that night, and somehow the same as all those times in the past when he had become upset and sulky for unknown reasons. It was disconcerting and unforgettable, and Arthur was quite sure the moment would be as ingrained into his memory as all those other times. He knew it would torture him for the rest of his life.

Then the bag fell over those eyes and the moment passed. The noose was tightened, the men stepped away and everyone looked towards him.

What was he doing? He didn't want to be doing this? He could still see the same ratty brown jacket and worn neckerchief on the man, the familiarity of which only made the sackcloth and rope more horrendous.

He raised his arm.

The picture was a nightmare, the last thing in the world he wanted to happen. Why had Merlin forced them into these positions?

He lowered it.

The stool was kicked out and the sorceror, he so desperately wanted to just think of him as just a sorceror, fell. His mind didn't care for his own wishes though, and all he could see was Merlin. Merlin throwing open the curtains of a morning with unbearable cheefulness and Merlin twisting on a rope. Merlin beside him, always beside him, looking at him with unwavering faith and Merlin kicking out desperately for footing. Merlin laughing with him around a campfire as Arthur teased him and Merlin slackening to mere twitching.

Now when the noose swayed in the breeze, Merlin's body swayed along with it.

Arthur woke abruptly and immediately turned on his side to fumble for his chamberpot. He threw up. Even after all his stomach's contents had hit the bottom of the pot he kept on heaving.

When he moved his gaze from the bile that had splashed onto his hand, he saw that there was still darkness beyond his curtains. The picture of Merlin dangling from a noose, of those eyes right beforehand... it was his worst nightmare and he was about to relive it in only a few short hours.

The thought made him want to heave again but instead he stumbled to his feet and ran from the room; from the walls that seemed to collapse in on him but not from his lungs that were doing the same. He couldn't escape the stench either, and somewhere along the way the smell of puke that stuck to him became the smell of his own sickening fear.