Gwen wasn't able to sleep. She'd been trying for hours with no luck, rest was impossible when one of her oldest friends would be dead in the morning; even if said 'friend's' betrayal had broken the man she loved. So, she was awake when someone knocked on her door in the middle of the night.
She was shocked to see Arthur on the other side when she opened it.
"You were right." Arthur croaked as soon as she opened the door. "I can't stand there."
Gwen quickly ushered him inside and her heart broke once she saw him in the candlelight. He'd clearly been sick, he was breathing much too quickly, his face was drawn and when she looked in his eyes, she could see how terrified he was.
"Here, sit down. Just try and breathe." She kept her voice soft as she instructed him. She'd dealt with people panicking before but never Arthur.
She brought a bucket and cloth over and gently took Arthur's hand to wipe it clean. "Arthur, what happened?"
"Merlin's going to-" His breath hitched. "I can't watch, not again."
Again. Gwen realised why Arthur was in his sleepclothes. "You dreamed about the execution?"
His lip curled with vehemence. "Not a dream, a nightmare. One I don't want to live." The disgust on his face became loss. "I don't want to kill him, Gwen. I would have been devastated for anything to happen to him, and still, even after everything, even with how angry I am, and I am angry with him, I still can't stand the thought of him dead. I just want to go back to how things were... I want to protect him, I don't want to see him dead."
"Not that I would ever wish nightmares on anyone, but I'm glad you realised this before you went through with it. The regret would've destroyed you."
He finally looked at her. "I can't not go through with it. He commited regicide! With magic! I can't just... pardon him."
"Well you've been quite clear that you can't execute him either." Her voice was harsh, but as compassionate as she was to Arthur's pain, she knew that pain would be far worse if he went through with the execution. She'd known that for the past month, but Arthur was stubborn.
Arthur shook his head. "I don't know." He looked back at the floor. "I don't know anything." This was the first moment of doubt he'd shown, but Gwen realised that she didn't know how to respond to it.
She didn't want to watch Merlin be executed, and Arthur's reaction made it quite clear that he could never live with himself if he went through with it. But what then? What was their other option?
They sat in silence for long enough that Gwen had finished cleaning Arthur up. She was left twisting the cloth in her hands, unsure how to continue, unsure what outcome she even wanted. That wasn't entirely true, she wanted Merlin to be innocent, but that was something she no longer dared to hope.
And so she wasn't expecting it when Arthur broke the silence with, "How could he have done this? I visited him. I tried to find out how... He said he didn't mean to, that he didn't know how my father died. I can't tell if he's still lying..." Arthur face was tight with pain. "But how could he have betrayed me so easily, when even now it hurts return the favour?"
"Then maybe he really didn't betray you. Maybe he really didn't mean to kill Uther. It would make more sense, Merlin adores you- adored you." She corrected, she really wasn't sure anymore. "He's been more loyal than anyone." That's what she'd always thought, what they all had thought. She'd questioned that so many times these past few months. "If he ever betrayed you it couldn't have been easy."
"Easy? Nothing about this is easy." With Arthur's broken whisper they lapsed once again into silence.
Gwen really wasn't sure what to say. The news about Merlin killing Uther had been shocking enough, and now to hear that Merlin denied it... she wasn't sure if Merlin had really betrayed Arthur or if there was another story. Sometimes it felt like she hadn't understood anything about the world since that day. She didn't know the truth, but maybe there was someone else who did.
"Come on, Arthur." She gently guided him to his feet and he allowed himself to be lead back to the castle. They made it all the way to Gaius' chambers in silence. It wasn't until they were just outside his door that Arthur refused to go any further. Looking back at him, she thought he must've only just realised where she was taking him. She knew that he hadn't stepped foot inside since... that day.
"Come on, Arthur. It's alright. We're just going to speak to Gaius." Arthur's breath was quickening once more, dread clearly visible in his eyes. "Come on." She spoke as though leading a spooked horse, and eventually Arthur let her take him through the door.
From the look of the half burned candles and his slumped posture, it was clear that Gaius was also suffering from a lack of sleep this night. He looked up at the sound of the door and she winced at how empty those red rimmed eyes looked.
"Gaius, please..." She began. What was it she really wanted to ask him? Where did she even begin? "Merlin denied that he meant to kill the King."
Gaius' eyes flicked to Arthur briefly before meeting Gwen's again. "He didn't mean to."
"But he did." It was the first sign of life she'd seen from Arthur since they'd left her house.
"Maybe." Gaius said.
Gwen couldn't believe him and apparently neither could Arthur. "My father is dead!" He spat.
"Indeed."
"Gaius speak plainly." Gwen begged.
Gaius sighed. "Merlin left here with a healing spell to heal the King. The King then died. It didn't make any sense to me." He slowly levered himself to his feet and walked over to his shelves. He walked over to them holding something. "When I examined the King's body, I found this. It wasn't until then that I understood." He held out a small silver charm to them.
"What is it?" Gwen asked.
"Only an amulet. But the enchantment on it would reverse any spell, including a healing spell."
"You're not saying..."
"No." Arthur cut her off. "No." Arthur turned around and took a step away before turning back and moving forward again. "No. It's been a month, Gaius! And now you tell me that not only was my servant a sorceror, but there's another one running around somewhere who sabotaged him. Sabotaged a plan that no one else knew about! And you expect me to believe you?"
"I don't expect you to believe anything I say after all the lies I told. It's why I never came forward with this. Merlin used magic on the King right in front of you and he died. That is better proof then a necklace and old liar's word." Gwen could detect no bitterness in Gaius's voice, only exhaustion.
Arthur deflated. "You're right. Merlin killed my father right in front of me. Killed him during a plan to heal him that no one else knew about."
"Is that really so, sire? Did no one else truly know?"
"No one else-" Arthur initially insisted in frustration. "Well, Agravaine knew, but he was the only one I told. Unless you or Merlin were blathering about it beforehand which I highly doubt."
"Agravaine knew." Gaius repeated.
"You can't seriously be about to blame Agravaine! He isn't a sorceror, he certainly can't enchant things!"
"He could have told Morgana-" Gaius tried to say before Arthur interrupted.
"Morgana?" Arthur yelled. "Oh sure, your ward is innocent, the known sorceror who actually cast magic on my father, but Agravaine, my uncle who has done nothing but help me the entire time he's been here, is a traitor working for Morgana?" Gwen could understand the incredulity, but Gaius looked crushed, as though the man without any hope had somehow managed to lose yet more.
"This is why I didn't tell you. I can't prove Merlin's innocence. I can't help him. If all you came here for is to insist upon my boy's guilt on the eve of his death then you can leave."
"It makes sense." Gaius looked up at her in surprise and Gwen was surprised herself. "I know there's no proof but it makes so much more sense."
"How does this make sense? How does anything of this..." Arthur let out a frustrated groan. "Agravaine has never done anything untrustworthy."
"I know. I don't mean that Agravaine being a traitor makes sense only that Merlin not being one does. Frankly, Merlin betraying you has never made any sense at all. He was always more loyal to you than anyone. He jumped in front of a dorocha to protect you even recently. It never made sense, it still doesn't for him to then betray you, but if he didn't... it just makes more sense. Merlin being loyal is the only thing that makes sense."
Arthur huffed out a breath. "It's a nice thought." He strained out what was clearly the understatement of the century. "I wish he was still loyal, I could even take the magic if only he hadn't..." Arthur's eyes teared up. "But wishing something was so doesn't make it so. And even if things don't make sense, that doesn't make them untrue."
There is a desire to deny it. To say it's impossible because you don't understand.
Her own words echoed back at her, hauntingly. They'd haunted her this past month, insisting that she accept this new world even though she didn't want to, even though she hated it, even though every part of her said it should be impossible. But that desire to deny it lingered, and it was still there. This wasn't death, this was loyalty, and unlike when her father died there was a chance that she could get her friend back. So for once, she told that haunting echo to shut up because wanted to deny this horrible world. In whatever time there was left until the morning she was going to deny it, because as long as Merlin was alive, she told herself, that meant that she didn't have to accept it.
XxX
Gwaine wasn't sleeping that night either, so he was also awake when a knock came at his door shortly before dawn.
He didn't care to open it, to respond in any way. Nothing mattered, certainly nothing so little as a knock, when his best friend who'd turned out to be a regicidal sorceror was going to be put to death in a few hours.
The door opened anyway and Percival poked his head in. "Guinevere wants us all up. She says that there's a chance Merlin's innocent."
Gwaine had never heard more beautiful words in his life. Not when his mother comforted him as a child, not when flirting with beautiful women, not when he was knighted, had he ever heard more beautiful words than that there was a chance Merlin was innocent. He was out the door so quickly Percival had to jump back so he didn't run into him.
Gwen was in the hallway with her brother and a grumpy looking Arthur. "So what's this about Merlin being innocent?" He asked as Percival knocked on Leon's door.
"He isn't." Arthur grunted.
"Can you stand there?" Gwen asked Arthur with a hard look on her face. Arthur looked at the floor in defeat. "You can't stand there. That's the truth. You can't stand there even if he is guilty you definitely can't if he's innocent."
"Innocent?" Leon asked bemusedly, joining them.
Looking around at them all, none of them had just been awakened, it was clear to Gwaine that they had all been kept awake tonight.
"It's possible that Agravaine is working with Morgana and that they enchanted an amulet that reversed Merlin's spell so that instead of healing the King he killed him," Gwen explained in a single breath.
"That bastard." Gwaine growled.
"It's a possibility Gwaine, not proven." Gwen added on reluctantly.
"Well, let's go prove it then." Gwaine said and walked off.
Voices called out behind him...
"Hold on."
"Where are you going?"
"We haven't decided yet how we were going to prove it."
"What are you thinking Gwaine?"
He ignored them all.
The footsteps that then followed him were no surprise but he paid no attention to them either. He only shouted, "I'm getting proof!" Over his shoulder and kept walking.
He kept walking until he reached Agravaine's chambers and, not bothering to knock, slammed the door open. The Lord who looked to previously have been sleeping like a baby shot up in bed.
"What on Earth- Sir Gwaine, what is the meaning of this?" Gwaine didn't wait for the traitor to get his bearings. He drew his sword and stormed over laying it at the wretched snake's neck. "Sir Gwaine!"
The rat tried to shuffle backwards but Gwaine only followed until he was trapped against the headboard. "What is the meaning of this?"
"Are you working with Morgana?" Gwaine asked, perfectly pleasantly, asides from the sword poised to take this lowlife's life from him in an instant.
He paled. "What is this? What could possibly cause you to accuse me of such a thing?"
Gwaine pushed the sword forward and relished the small line of red that appeared. "Are you working for Morgana? You tell us the truth now, well King Arthur is much kinder than I. Or you can keep trying to lie..." He pushed harder, spilling more blood and causing the monster's breath to hitch. "I don't recommend that choice."
The cowardly swine looked at all the people gathered in his room, none of them making a move to stop Gwaine (he was thankful none were so stupid as to think he could be stopped at this point) and tipping his head back finally choked out, " Yes."
Gwaine wished he could run him through right there and then but Arthur spoke up before he got the chance, "Arrest him." Gwaine turned around to see Leon and Percival coming forward to do the honours.
Arthur was already running out of the room.
XxX
A/N: So yeah, you need to thank my mum. She asked if I'd written any fanfiction recently and I read that (frankly lovely thank you so much) review about whether Merlin was actually dead or not and said I couldn't leave such a cliffhanger for so long and I had to "put you out of your misery". She's my mother and she's right so I finally sat myself down and wrote this. There is only one more chapter after this for Arthur and Merlin to properly talk to each other. Then maybe this story will get a little less depressing :)
p.s. I loved writing Gwaine at the end, that was fun!
