Sorry for the wait y'all. What can I say? It's 2020. Thanks for sticking with me.
"Is it common, in your lands, for people to desire death and punishment?"
I winced. When putting it that way…
"More common than you might think, unfortunately. Most people wouldn't even be concerned about me, considering I don't actively seek to injure myself."
Lord Elrond frowned. I wanted to laugh at his eyebrows of doom, but it wasn't the time for such things.
"Yet, your healing is still hindered by your desire for pain."
"Uh, that seems a bit of a strong way of putting it. It's not like I want pain, or like pain, I just tend to, um, lean into it a bit?"
"Lean into..?" He shook his head, "It doesn't matter. In order for you to heal, you have to wish to. And I should think you would wish to, your dwarrow might otherwise leave you behind."
I couldn't hold back my snort, "I highly doubt it. But, you have a good point. I'd just be a liability like this."
For a long moment, he just stared at me.
"So uh… How do I do this? Do I just say it? I want to heal. Does that work?"
Elrond sighed, and if elves pinched the bridges of their noses, he would've. Elves are fortunately more composed than that.
"It does not matter whether or not you say it, so long as you truly wish it."
"Oh, okay. Well, I think I truly wish it now, so should we try again?"
"Very Well."
On the plus side, it worked, and my injuries were vastly improved, almost gone. On the negative side, that meant it was talking time.
"Lady Aria," he paused, then continued, "The Lady Galadriel has asked that I pass on a message. She has assured me that you know of her, and will know that what she has to say is the truth: There is no power in Arda that could return you to Earth."
I froze. "The Lady Galadriel said that."
"Yes. She also asked that I reassure you. You harbor a light that is already beating back the Shadow. What change you can work on the fate of this company will be good. However, she also cautions you: focus only on changing that which must be."
"Only on..?" I shook my head. "Not super helpful, but okay. Better than nothing I guess?" I sighed and curled over to rest my face in my hands and my elbows on my knees, distantly noting that I actually could do that now and making a mental note to say thank you.
"A Seer's advice is often vague, for there are too many possible fates to determine anything more detailed. Lady Galadriel likely has Seen many of the possible fates for your Company, and this was the most she could say to steer you away from those that would be disastrous in one way or another."
"True," I sighed, "I can certainly understand that. It kind of sucks having anything more than vague feelings about possible futures. I would've preferred that honestly. This way there's too much pressure, things might be different than I know, and every situation I change makes that more likely I just…" I groaned and scrubbed at my face. "This is going to be a rough time."
"You have future knowledge then, and I must assume you have told Oakenshield. That was very unwise." He frowned at me, eyebrows drawing down fiercely. This time, I couldn't help the chuckle I let out. It was bitter though, and I stood to face him so he didn't loom over me quite so much.
"Whether you deem it wise matters little to me in this situation. I mean no offense, but despite your kindness and wisdom you do have internalized racism against dwarves, thinking them unintelligent and barbaric for their love of battle and art made from riches and stone rather than the inherent beauty of the woods and animals. You think that Thorin will use me, and my knowledge, to ill affect. When, in fact, he has shown immense levels of understanding, patience, and wisdom in the face of what I know. It is you I should not have told, as I do not trust you not to share this knowledge with the other members of the White Council. I will tell you now that that could be truly disastrous, even to causing the downfall of Middle Earth, and hope that you hear me. If not, I have no choice but to die once the fate of my Company is secured."
For a very long moment, silence hung heavy between us. I knew I was exaggerating about Thorin a bit, but as I said the piece about dying, I realized my intended exaggeration was actually entirely true. The wizards of Arda may not have Harry Potter's legilimency and Veritiserum, but I wouldn't put it past Saruman and Sauron to have other methods of extracting information. Besides, I wouldn't trust myself to hold out under torture, and that was probably the first thing they would try. I'd be kind of an old lady by the time the Lord of the Rings timeline rolled around, but I would probably still be alive, and that just wasn't an option if Saruman knew.
Well shit.
I turned and left the room. Elrond called after me, but it was as if we were underwater.
Thorin must have seen something in my face, because he immediately guided me away. I don't know if he said anything or not, my ears started ringing so much it was hard just to walk straight.
When I came back to myself, we were sitting on a bench on a secluded balcony, and Thorin was holding me upright with a hand on my back.
I took a deep, shuddering breath, then blew it out as I bent to put my head in my hands, "Well shit."
Thorin started, then removed his hand. I didn't look at him.
"What happened? What did the elf lord say to upset you?"
I sighed, "Not really anything he said, more what I said, then realized? Uhg," I scrubbed at my face again, then sat up and looked at him, "The Lady Galadriel had him pass me a message, and through it and my response to it, he figured out I have some sort of foreknowledge, then I berated him for being racist, and told him if he shared that information with the White Council I'd have no choice but to die once the fate of the Company was secured, otherwise the fate of Middle Earth was sealed for the worst. I uh, thought I was exaggerating when I said it, but then I realized that was entirely, terribly true. If he doesn't take my words to heart…" I shook my head, then stood and paced to the edge of the balcony, gripping the railing and leaning on it.
Thorin swore under his breath in Khuzdul. I mean, I think he swore, it sounded pretty emphatic.
"It's okay Thorin, I think he'll at least think about what I said, and if he tells anyway, well," I shrugged, "I wasn't really expecting to survive all that is to come anyway."
He swore again, then stomped over and pulled me around by the elbow to face him. He was frowning, and his eyes were stormy and dark. "Enough! Do not speak of your death in such a way. If you enter battle expecting to die, you die."
I nodded, "That is true. I apologize. I'm just," I flailed my hands around, "Stress makes me fatalistic. On a positive note though, we figured out why the Elvish healing wasn't working the way it was supposed to and fixed it, so I can start learning to fight while we're waiting for the moon."
He eyed me critically, "Oin will be the judge of that," then turned abruptly to the doorway and began to stride away, "Come."
I scrambled after him. I swear, the dude never just walks. That's about when I noticed that Dwalin was standing guard in the doorway again, and I gave him a little finger wave as he fell in next to me. He grunted back with a little nod. I decided to count that as a friendly greeting, and grinned at him. He grunted again.
I think we were beginning to become besties.
Turns out Thorin meant Oin would be the judge of that now. He led us straight to the courtyard where the Company had set up camp. Like the books, there were a couple of bedrooms off of it, but it looked like they were all sleeping out in the courtyard like the movie. Surprisingly enough though, it looked like they had refrained from using furniture as kindling. Maybe my words at breakfast had had some impact? Or it just hadn't happened yet. We were here for a few more nights, after all.
Thorin led me straight to Oin, and barked something at him in Khuzdul, then commenced to drag the poor dwarf by the arm into one of the adjoining bedrooms.
"This will be your room now," he stated matter of factly, then left, already barking out orders for Fili, Kili, and Bofur to fetch my things from the room in the Healing Halls.
Oin just chuckled and shook his head, then gestured for me to sit on the bed. "Thorin said I needed to check for any reason you shouldn't be training. Glad you'll be learning to use those Elf daggers, it isn't wise to carry a weapon you can't use properly."
"Exactly, Master Oin, which is why I will be suggesting that someone teach Master Baggins to use the long knife Gandalf gave him from the troll horde. Poor hobbit has never held anything other than a kitchen knife before. Gandalf just threw him into this adventure without any preparation." Yeah yeah, so I might be invoking questions into howI knew that, but I really wanted to know whether the dwarves were treating Bilbo so poorly because of false preconceptions. Especially with how nice they were treating me.
"What do you mean? Gandalf informed us he had found the hobbit weeks before we met at his home."
Ah. Suspicions confirmed. That only made me unspeakably angry with Gandalf.
"You never thought that perhaps the reason Master Baggins was so flustered to have you all in his home was because he had no idea what was going on? Gandalf asked him that morning, "To share in an adventure" and when Bilbo said no, left the mark on his door without telling him, or informing him it meant he would have visitors. Master Baggins was ill prepared for guests because he didn't know you were coming, and ill prepared for the adventure because he had no time or training." I looked at Oin meaningfully, "Hobbits take immense pride in their ability to be fantastic hosts, undoubtedly Master Baggins was absolutely mortified that he was unprepared for you, only for the lot of you to treat him as if he was indeed worthless. It is beyond impressive that he decided to try his best to help you anyway."
Oin was looking a bit constipated, so I left it at that to peel off my shirt and let him poke at my ribs. They weren't bandaged anymore, but there was some salve smeared over what bruising lingered. His poking didn't even hurt enough to make me wince.
He clapped his hands together as he stood back. "Well lassie, you're certainly doing better than expected. I would say you're just fine to start training, so long as you don't spar yet. Just drills. We don't want you getting whacked." He eyed me as I put my shirt back on. "I have to think about what you said about Master Baggins. It would seem there is some sort of misunderstanding at hand."
"That's all I ask. It seems a shame for all of you to not get along due to a misunderstanding orchestrated for the amusement of a Wizard."
Oin frowned. "You think Gandalf did this on purpose?"
I shrugged. "He told Bilbo, and I quote, that it would be "quite amusing" for him. I don't think he realized how hurtful it could be for Bilbo though. It's not easy when everyone around you thinks you're worthless, just because you aren't like them. Think of it this way, if you walked into a town of men, a lot of them would look down on you and try to underpay you, even call you names or refuse to serve you or just ignore that you exist. That's the same kind of thing you guys are doing to Bilbo right now." I patted his shoulder, "Just give it some thought. I know all of you are good and loyal, and wouldn't be hurting him on purpose."
Then I opened the door, only to find a bunch of silent dwarves and a furiously blushing hobbit staring at me. I knew my conversation with Oin wasn't quiet, the dude was mostly deaf after all, but I'd kind of thought that it wasn't loud enough for the whole courtyard to hear me.
I blushed just as bright as Bilbo, and resisted the urge to just turn around and shut myself back in the bedroom. Luckily, I was saved by the arrival of a Kili, Fili, Bofur, and their boisterous discussion about what material my backpack was made out of.
"There's no way this is practical lads, it wouldn't hold up to any sort of journey in the wild," Bofur threw his hands in the air, "I don't know what the lass was thinking!"
"You'd be surprised, Bofur," I grasped the distraction with both hands, "Nylon is surprisingly strong and resistant, and that backpack is even waterproofed. A knife would still cut it, with some effort, but you'll note that the fall that had me looking like I'd been put through a meat grinder didn't tear it at all. Even all the plastic bits survived, and those are a bit brittle."
All three stopped to frown at me.
"Nylon? Plastic?" Bofur shook his head. "You come from a strange place, lass."
Kili and Fili though, had noticed the odd silence of the Company. "What's this now?" Fili asked, Kili nodding along and both frowning at all of us.
"Uh, nothing!" I could feel my blush coming back, "Thanks for grabbing my things, I'll just take those and put them away." I went to grab my things from them, the boys had my fancy new weapons and folded clothes, while Bofur had my pack. They all snatched their items away though.
"Tell us first, Miss Aria," Kili insisted. I glanced pleadingly at Bofur, and he just grinned and waggled his eyebrows.
I did the mature thing, and stuck out my tongue.
They all gaped.
I rolled my eyes. "It's nothing, I just pointed something out to Oin, and everybody else overheard."
Fili's eyes narrowed, "Pointed what out?"
"That y'all haven't been very nice to Bilbo, and it's probably due to a series of misunderstandings orchestrated by Gandalf? Can I have my stuff now?" This finally, proved distracting enough that I was able to quickly snag my things from the boys and flee back to my room. Bofur was beaming at me happily and just brought my bag along. After all, he had been nice to Bilbo where the others weren't.
I didn't close the door when Bofur followed me in, medieval propriety and all that, but I figured it was still decent hiding.
I dropped my clothes and weapons on the chair by the desk, then flopped onto the bed with a groan, covering my face with the crook of my elbow. Bofur chuckled, and I heard my bag plop to the floor.
"I'm glad you said somethin' lass." His voice came from somewhere near the foot of the bed, and I rolled my head in that direction without moving my arm or opening my eyes.
"Something had to be said, but I didn't mean for the whole company to hear me, I just wanted to start Oin thinking about it, and maybe Balin, and then the two of them could talk to the others so it didn't seem like I was just lecturing you guys or something. Usually that approach just makes things worse."
"Well, it's done now," I could hear the smile in his voice, "How did you figure that, anyway?"
I groaned again, "I just did?"
He chuckled, "If you don't want to say, just say so lass."
I uncovered my face to look at him, "It's not really that I don't want to, I just think it would be wiser not to, until or unless Thorin tells me otherwise."
He raised his hands and shrugged, "Good enough for me, lass."
I grinned. "Thank Bofur, you're the best."
He shook his head with another chuckle, "You say the strangest things."
It was my turn to chuckle. "And to me, you lot say the strangest things, so I think we can call it even."
"Aye lass, there you have it," he laughed. "Now come on, you can't just hide in here."
"Can't I?" I raised an eyebrow at him, "There's nothing stopping me."
"On the contrary," I jerked upright to stare at Thorin, standing in the doorway with an unreadable expression. "Oin informed me that you are able to begin training."
"Training?" I didn't squeak, I swear. "Right now?" I scrambled upright, "Okay, cool, sounds like a plan. Right. Uh, can I have a second to change first? These aren't exactly the best pants for working out?"
Mister kingly stoicness just raised an eyebrow and didn't move.
"Riiight. I'll take that as a no." I scooped my weapons off the chair, cradling them awkwardly in my arms instead of trying to struggle with the straps. "See you Bofur!"
Thorin turned on his heel and strode (I swear, this dude) away, and I darted after him. The company was all muttering animatedly to each other, with Bilbo sitting awkwardly off to one side, and I gave him an apologetic grimace and finger wave as I scrambled past. For such a short and stocky person, Thorin sure could walk fast.
Whelp. That happened.
I resisted the urge to facepalm, despite the weapons in my arms.
