AN: So sorry for the very long delay. I had to cut ch 10 and 11 together to have something I could post here (M rated as opposed to explicit). It is definitely M rated, especially ch 11 (included below the one scene from ch 10), so be aware: nudity contained and some references to sex. (If you want to read the uncut versions, I'm on Ao3, as "the_black_rose").
Thank you so so much to those who will read it. I will get through posting the rest of this series this summer.
Love,
~Rose
Losing my Breath
By the Black Rose
Chapter 10 - "Hunger," something more than desire...
"Cold pizza or toast?" Heero said and lifted his head. His stomach groaned. But, his hands and other...important parts of his body stiffened. He continued stroking a path down Relena's soft, supple skin.
His 'morning situation', despite their activities the night before, felt rather dire.
"Hm?" Relena rolled his direction. She wrinkled her nose. "Pizza for breakfast?"
"We didn't have dinner."
"Oh." A pause, then: "Oh!" Her hand flew over her mouth. She giggled. "Sorry. I know how you get about food. You must be hungry."
"Starved."
"Then eat."
He grinned and leaned closer. Heero ran his tongue from the outside of her shoulder to her neck. He bit down.
She gasped. "Why," she pushed on his shoulders. "Why do I suddenly feel like, um, prey?"
"I'm done hunting."
"Ha ha. I just mean. You're looking at me like…." Her cheeks flushed and she pulled the sheet over her chest.
"Like what?"
"Like." She wet her lips; the muscle in her neck moved as she swallowed. "We're not going to be eating breakfast for a while."
"False. I need food. And water. Then, I can take you to bed for the day."
"The day? A whole day?
"Mmmmmm. I can last a while. The benefit of breathing techniques I learned in the military."
"Wh-what. What does that mean?"
"It means. I want to, take my time." He moved closer, pressing his arousal into her hip. "I want you to feel good, Relena." He moved pieces of her hair from her face.
She shifted and pulled herself into a sitting position. "I-I've obviously not been in a relationship like this. It's new." His girlfriend hugged her knees to her chest. "But, I imagine a playfulness about the physical - uh, about sex. Is healthy."
He sat up and moved beside her.
"But, I just want." Her lips quavered. She let out a sharp exhale. "I want to feel like. We're committed. That your feelings-"
"There's no one else, Relena."
She stared in the direction of her toes. A deep frown creased her forehead. "But, I. Why, can't you talk to me?"
"I didn't claim, that this. That I, would be easy."
"Hm." Her mouth tightened into a thin line.
Seconds crawled into the space between them. His fingers ached to touch her, to maintain their connection. But, he wasn't sure he still had her permission.
"Relena…." His insides twisted and jumbled together. He knew what she wanted. But. The void….It blurred and blunted too much.
He took a deep breath.
...
Heero exhaled and stared through the scope. A shadow crawled across the rocky surface, indicating where the off- the target paced, below.
Objectives had long since become inhuman. Enemies. Numbers, to keep from thinking of the target as a person - with a family. Someone who would miss them.
"Sighting target one thirteen."
...
Heero shook the memory from his head.
Relena stared, her eyes watery and round. "Heero…."
He sighed and the tightness...lessened. Heero leaned down and settled his mouth over hers - drawing her into a slow, syrupy kiss. Her hand slid over the surface of his cheek, holding his face. He pressed her close.
"Please, talk to me."
"About what."
"This. Us. I love you. And I know you feel the same. I see it - in the things you do. The way you look at me. So, why? Is it just the tough guy Marine thing?"
"No."
"Then...?"
"It's," his tongue thickened. Fog drifted in front of his eyes; he dug a knuckle into his quad, and the pain helped him focus. "It's difficult. To explain."
"Will you, someday? Will you promise me, you'll try?"
He nodded. She pulled him closer, her lips ghosting against his. Light, gentle. So magnetic….
"What, did they do to you?"
He pushed her back into the bed.
Chapter 11
"Unromantic" was apparently an insult.
...
The best and worst thing about Relena (besides any activities in the bedroom), was that Heero always knew where he stood with her. The best - because he'd never been good at 'guessing' what women were thinking. And she rarely made him feel unsure….
The worst because there was no denying when she was pissed. Especially at him.
Abrupt responses to his text messages. Refusing to pick up the phone when he called. Heero had learned to give her space. And to steel himself to be present when she was ready to talk.
Tuesday morning, he arrived at the gym, before her, and headed to the treadmill to begin his HIIT training. He set up his workout program, and hit 'Start'. The former Marine began with a brief, two minute warmup.
Deep breaths, the rhythmic beat of his footfalls. The steady flash of the heart monitor. Routines were simple. Sometimes, the lack of focus required could be soothing.
Other times...
...
Heero doubled over and huffed. Waves of agony crashed through him. "I-I can't, sergeant. I'm done. Arm's busted. Ankle's sprained."
"You think the enemy gives a GOD DAMN that you hurt? They'll put you out of your misery. Or worse, you'll get your squad killed. Are you the weakest link?"
Heero flinched but straightened. He pushed against the haze. "No, sir."
"Tell me, soldier: ARE YOU THE WEAKEST LINK?"
...
Heero wheezed. The heart monitor beeped - alerting him he'd reached one hundred percent of his target heart rate.
He backed the speed down on his treadmill to recover. His treadmill notified him that he was a solid seven minutes into his workout. Heero sucked in air and glanced at the machine beside him. 'Shit. Where is she?'
Ten minutes into his HIIT session, Relena arrived. Heero took measured strides as he recovered from sprinting. He met her gaze for a second. She shot him a glare.
'Not good.'
He took a deep breath and watched her stab her treadmill dashboard - setting her speed a good half-mile per hour faster than her usual pace. Her long ponytail swayed as she began to walk. Dark pink tennis shoes treaded heavily against the running deck.
Heero sighed. His heart rate monitor showed his pulse was back in the green zone. 'Time to sprint.' He increased his speed and moved from a slow jog into a thirty second all-out run. His body thrummed and his lungs burned! His heart raced with the effort.
By the time he moved into the one minute recovery, his girlfriend's cheeks puffed with every breath. Her skin glistened a darker shade of pink; sweat slicked the hair around her ears. She edged back her speed.
"Good morning," he puffed out.
"Is it?" She huffed in reply.
"Thought so?"
"I didn't."
"What'd I do this time?"
"You know damned well!" Gasp, pant. "What you did!"
"I thought you'd like it?" He wheezed. Heero looked down at the time. 'Shit. I need to sprint.' He pressed the button to increase his speed.
Relena reached over and clicked the '4' button to return him to a fast walk. "You thought I'd like it?"
"You've had clothes and a toothbrush at my place for months. And your lease is almost up."
"So you ask me to move in with you! You don't leave me an 'add a lessee' form under my door - with those little arrow stickers that say: sign here."
He shrugged. "Seemed easier."
She growled at him and yanked the red cord on his treadmill. It lurched to an emergency stop! Heero caught himself on the rails to keep from face-planting into the control panel.
"Relena!"
She pushed her stop button, then stepped down from her machine.
He leapt to the floor and grabbed her arm. "I don't get it."
"Of course you don't!" She wrenched from his grip. His girlfriend glanced around the gym before hissing in a half-whisper, half-yell: "You're the most!" Her fists shook in mid-air. "Infernal, aggravating, not to mention stubborn!"
"You just did."
"Unromantic jerk I've ever met!" She stamped a foot against the rubber flooring. It made a mild, hollow sound.
"But you do want to move in with me."
"That's not the point! You're supposed to ask. With flowers and—"
"Pretty words, Relena?"
She drew herself up and squared her shoulders. "Yes. Sometimes I want pretty words, Heero. Not all the time. But sometimes. The important times." His girlfriend crossed her arms. Her eyes sparked, and sweat slicked pieces of hair against her cheek.
"Moving in together is supposed to be a 'next step' in a long term, more serious commitment. There should be pretty words for that." Her mouth formed a tight line, and her eyebrows pinched into a frown.
But, she hadn't voiced opposition to the proposed arrangement. Still, the stakes were high.
He met her gaze. "I'm sorry."
Her features relaxed in an instant. "Heero, you-"
He dropped to one knee and took her hand; the former Marine pressed it to his lips.
"What?" Her eyes went wide; crimson lines streaked her neck before flooding her features.
"Will you move in with me, Relena?"
She searched his face; probably looking for some sign he was mocking her. He wasn't. He'd have done just about anything to have her wake up beside him every day. "I'll raincheck you the flowers. And dinner."
"Are you—"
"I'm serious." Heero rose to his feet. 'I want this. I want you.'
"I, I do, too." She took a breath as her features relaxed to a less angry version of his girlfriend. (Was it too soon to refer to her as his live-in girlfriend?)
"Let's go someplace this weekend."
A smile bloomed on her lips. "Someplace? Like a mini-vacation?"
"Yeah." He moved sweaty pieces of her hair from her cheek. "And we should plan for the holidays. You'll want to see your family? Or we could steal away to a beach somewhere…."
She snuggled into his chest. "You always know how to win me over, don't you?"
'God, I hope so. I don't think I'd survive long without you. Not anymore.' But all he managed was: "Hn."
She pulled him down for a kiss.
The next weekend….
Spur of the moment missions, without the analysis and obsessive details, the possibility of failure rose by a significant factor. But, sometimes, the potential reward greatly outweighed the increased risk factor.
'Like today.'
In this particular case, a last minute getaway weekend had the potential to pay off by soothing any lingering doubts or ruffled feathers Relena may have had about 'officially' moving in together. And it could give them uninterrupted time - something that, with their respective work schedules, had been a little more difficult of late.
Part of why he asked her to move in….
A phone call to a friend, Quatre Winner, provided a destination and transportation. Quatre owned a private security company (cleverly named Winner Private Security). Heero had freelanced for WPS when he first got out of the Marines. The entrepreneur still took intel requests from the Winner CEO on occasion - as favors.
Quatre offered up his timeshare condo in the Florida Keys, and chartered company jet - all within a very short phone call.
Even his princess would be impressed.
...
They arrived at a very military style airplane hangar - except it looked pristine. 'Military grade' was a gross misnomer. Soldiers often complained about supplies from 'the lowest bidder' - with good reason.
Hangars were some of the worst examples. No need for the installations to be painted or look pretty. They needed to blend in with their surroundings; so, rust and debris were common decorations.
But, Quatre's operation was backed by ample funding. And made a solid profit. Plenty of corporate clients paid good money to provide security to executives traveling to unstable nations of the world. His 'employees' had top-of-the-line gear, received top-of-the-line pay. It was a great gig….
"You sure you're all right?" The young CEO frowned and focused his full attention on Heero.
"I'm fine." The line fell easily from his lips. "It's just the lack of sleep."
Stern blue eyes met his gaze from across the room. "It doesn't seem to be getting better."
"No. It's not. I think it's best if I resign."
"You could take a leave of absence, instead, you know. Heero."
...
Quatre had hated for him to go, but the job had two major problems for the former Special Forces operative: first, it made Heero's 'healthy dose of paranoia' tip out of the realm of "healthy" and into "obsessive" territory.
And second, the lack of a stable home life lost its appeal. He'd saved up some money, but didn't even have a place to store a car or furniture. Living out of suitcases and hotels was worse than the military. He found himself asking the question: "What was the point in living at all?" One night. And decided it was time to do something different.
And here he was. 'This is definitely different.'
Heero rubbed his right palm over his left wrist. He flexed and relaxed his hand. But the tremors shook his fingers.
Quatre was easy to spot; his well-kept mop of blond hair, blue suit (sans tie) and wide grin provided a sharp contrast to the dark suited, close cropped, serious-natured members of his security team for hire.
"Heero Yuy, it's good to see you again."
Heero shook the guy's hand and gave him a polite nod.
"Same old Heero. Although it seems, well, she's new." He tilted his head, glancing over Heero's shoulder. "I hope you'll enjoy the, ah, accommodations." His already wide grin grew wider.
"Appreciate the favor."
"Oh, no trouble at all! I was glad you called. And happy to repay you for some of what you've done for my teams over the past couple of years."
Heero nodded.
"Have you two been together long?"
"Almost a year."
"That's wonderful." He beamed. "I can't wait to meet her."
Heero raised an eyebrow. The man could walk a few feet and say hello. Instead, the CEO stuffed his hands in his pockets, glanced at Relena, then back at the former Marine.
"Introduce me to her? Or is there some reason you're keeping her to yourself?"
Heero sighed and shook his head. "You can meet her." He fell into step with his friend as they made their way towards Relena.
'This is why I would have flunked out of Prince Charming school.'
A familiar figure stepped forward and held out a set of parachute packs. The man was tall, wiry, and surprisingly lethal. If you were on the wrong 'side' of his code of loyalty. Which was, in Heero's opinion, somewhat…flexible. Or, at least more complex than the former Marine's.
"You'll need these." Trowa frowned as he delivered the lame, overused tactic. He turned and took measured steps in the opposite direction.
The former Air Force pilot pulled off a perfect performance. Rookies bought it every time. The fact that only half the pilot's face was visible - with his post-military hairstyle - helped sell the 'joke.'
Relena gasped; wide, panicked eyes sought his. "Please tell me we're not—"
"We're not. Trowa just has a bad sense of humor."
"Trowa?"
"Trowa Barton. Our pilot." Heero shoved his hands in his pockets and walked to the front of the aircraft. "Not funny, flyboy."
"It was a little funny. The look on her face was worth it."
Heero glared at his former colleague. "Guess you drew short straw?"
"Quatre asked me to do it."
Heero nodded.
"Seems a little princessy. Not like you ever had a type. But that," he gestured in Relena's direction. Three pieces of matching, pink luggage sat at her feet. She wore high heels and a miniskirt.
Heero was definitely not complaining.
"That's not what I would have guessed."
"Hm. She looks the part. But she's got a healthy dose of tenacity mixed with her sugar and spice."
"And everything nice?" A slow smile spread over the man's features. Trowa's head tipped to the side, as he continued to stare in Relena's direction.
The hair on the back of Heero's neck stood on end. "When did princesses become your type?"
"Not princesses; just long-legged blondes. And hers are a mile long." He finally glanced away. "Apparently, she's worth every bit of the drama, too, if you're fucking her."
"Not much drama. Just," Heero shrugged, "a little too much pink."
"Come now. I'm sure her pink things are some of her best features."
Heero growled. "The only pink things you can think about are her suitcases - unless you want to be ejected mid-flight without a chute. I'm sure I can remember how to land."
Trowa chuckled. His green eyes twinkled. "It seems she's had some effect on you."
...
Later that night….
The size and luxurious quality of Quatre's timeshare shouldn't have surprised Heero. But, if he'd had an entire bunker to himself, it still would have seemed smaller. And definitely nowhere near as fancy. He'd stayed in some opulent hotels during his time with the WPS, but his job was to be on alert.
Hyper aware of every movement. The level of focus required approached exhausting. But, not this time….
Wooden floors gave way to polished marble - with glittery flecks. Walls held every sort of decoration he could have imagined, and then some: canvas, hand-painted tiles; a mural adorned one panel of the bedroom's interior wall.
Glass doors gave way to a large balcony, complete with ornate iron railing. Heero sighed.
"This place is amazing. You and Quatre must be close friends."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, he did fly you and your plus one to the coast, and then lent you his condo - just because you asked him to?"
"He owes me a few favors."
"Some favors." Relena wrapped her arms around her boyfriend. His duffle still dangled from two fingers over his shoulder.
"Did I hear Trowa correctly? The complex has its own private beach?"
"Yeah. Quatre owns one of the cabanas."
"That sounds amazing!" She grinned up at him with sparkling blue-green eyes. "You really went all out, Heero."
"I didn't mean to," he gently untangled himself from her embrace - long enough to throw his duffle bag aside. "To take you or our relationship for granted, Relena." He pulled her into his chest.
"How did you." She fiddled with the chain around his neck. "Thank you. I think we've both been taking each other a little for granted. We need to make an effort, both of us, to protect our time - to just, ah, enjoy. Being with the other person."
"I thought if you moved in, that would be easier."
"Yeah. I hope so, too."
Heero smiled. "So, what do you want to do first?"
"Mmmmmmm….So many choices. Beach or hot tub. Local eateries? Guaranteed to have fresh seafood."
"I did rain check you dinner."
"But."
"But?"
"How long has it been?"
A cold sweat formed on the back of his neck. "Since?"
She ran her hands over the front of his t-shirt. Relena cupped his face and drew him into a long, slow kiss. Her mouth, well practiced at melding to his - stoked the burning embers inside. Her flame flickered. Heero pulled her closer.
She broke away. "Since this."
"Too long." He brought his mouth down over hers. Lips thinned as their kisses turned harder, desperate. His fingers skimmed over her waist, slipping up to undo her bra.
Relena gasped. "Bed-bedroom."
Heero groaned. His girlfriend took his hand and tugged him down the hall - to the 'master suite'. He sat on the bed as she shut the door.
She turned and made her way towards him. Heero kicked off his shoes and pulled his shirt over his head. Relena discarded her blouse; her bra dipped and came loose. She let it drop to the floor.
Her breasts instantly commanded his full attention.
Relena's full, beautiful chest - bounced and rippled and swayed as she wriggled out of her miniskirt. Heero yanked his belt; he undid the button on his jeans and pushed them to the floor.
His panty-clad girlfriend raised an eyebrow as she moved towards him. She smoothed her hands over his shoulders; her mouth slanted over his. Her tongue swept into his mouth.
Heero folded his arms around her, drawing her into his chest. Her breasts touched his skin - pressing, molding against him. He pulled her with him onto the bed.
The former Marine nudged her onto her back. He settled his weight against her; his length pressed against the covered junction between her legs. She seethed.
"Hm. Is this what you wanted?" He nipped kisses down her neck. Her arms tightened around his shoulders; fingernails bit into his skin.
"I miss," Relena sighed, "feeling connected to you." He drew a line with his tongue over her collar bone and down.
"You pull away from me, sometimes, Heero. But, when we're together, uhn! Like this." One foot ran over his calf - to lock behind his knee.
His entire body panged. He paused, raised his head to look at her. Relena's other leg wrapped around his waist.
Dazed eyes met his. Blue fire burned within. "I feel like, you're here. With me."
She pulled him into another kiss; Heero went willingly. Syrupy soft and pliable, her lips caressed his. Her fingers soothed and tangled in his hair.
He broke the kiss and sat up. Heero shucked his boxers. "I'm always here with you, Relena."
"You're not. And I miss you when you go….wherever it is."
He tugged her panties from her hips and discarded them. Heero settled over her, again.
"I know your job can be difficult; secretive. But, I get the impression," a lopsided smile, "you're not thinking about your work."
"Definitely not now. You. Stop thinking of all that."
One eyebrow rose. "Mmmm, make me."
"Your off switch is around here somewhere." He grinned.
"No. I still want to know," a loud breath. "How did you know those people? It seemed like you were very familiar with them, what they do. How…."
"I spent a year. Working for Quatre." He dipped his head and drew patterns over the skin of her chest - with his tongue. "Is this it?"
"Uhn..." His girlfriend moaned.
"Where could it be?"
"I thought you were supposed to be good at reconnaissance. You had a whole mission and—"
Heero pressed a finger into her center.
Relena hissed; her feet singing over the sheets. Her back arched off the mattress.
"Must have found it." Heero moved up the length of her body, lying beside her on the bed. Her hands gripped the edge of the pillow behind her head; her lips parted. Panting. Mewling. Pleading.
He dipped his head to cover her mouth with his. His princess kissed him back with a hunger, a fervor he recognized; he swept his tongue into her mouth.
"Uhn!" She broke the kiss. "Please," her voice rasped. She moaned again.
"Please, what?"
"Be here with me. I want you, Heero…."
He wasted no time in moving over her; his length finding, sinking into her. That incredible, hazy, softness - so full and so different than 'the void' - it saturated his skin with her electric heat.
Heero set a slow, measured pace in and out of her body. He held his breath, focused. Her distant cries of pleasure grew closer with every thrust. Her lips against his ear.
Shivers and shudders melted together; she stoked the fire that burned constantly in her presence - until the burning thrill overtook him.
'Too soon.' Heero grumbled; the aftershocks of his climax echoed through his system. The edges of his consciousness began to fade. He gritted his teeth and pushed at the haze.
The shush of her heated breaths; his name whispered against his skin. Her fingers in his hair.
"Ah, Heero."
These moments, like so many embers; disjointed, glowing. They burned away parts of the darkness; flared light where there had only been pain.
And when she became part of him….
He could remember, in measured doses: how to feel.
"I love you, Heero."
