Rosalie x Bella
"I just don't understand why you hate me so much!" I screamed at Rosalie, not able to take it anymore. "You still don't get it do you!" She snarked back at me, leaving me alone in the room, wondering. Rosalie x Bella
We were traveling back from Volterra and I couldn't stop crying. What if Edward chose to stay? He didn't talk a lot, but he did say "love" and "dear" a lot to me when he was speaking to me. And he was holding my hand all the time which I didn't want to but I was too shell shocked of what had happened in Italy that I let the silent comforting happen anyway.
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it – is a true and underrated statement I have learned in the past 24 hours. When Edward left me, in the literal dirt and the Cullen's bailed out with him obviously, I couldn't stop wishing for it all to just be a dream, a bad nightmare I was stuck in, begging for anyone who was listening to my silent prayers to bring them back to me. I wanted to be with Edward, a part of the family, one of them, a vampire, so bad I thought my heart would burst from the need of it all.
But the thing with love is that it's so close to hate, people don't often realize how close they actually are to one another. Slowly but surely, I had started to resent the Cullen's for leaving me. I was such a mess; I wouldn't eat I wouldn't sleep… I was catatonic. A zombie. I was more dead on the inside than the never developing, never moving vampires.
Then I reconnected with Jacob and it was alright again, for a second. He hated the Cullen's as well; I had remembered that. I was alright with that since it gave me an outlet to all those angry emotions I was feeling towards them. At first, I didn't understand why he hated them. The stories they exchanged in La Push weren't true – to his knowledge. We talked less and less about them as Jacob moved closer and closer to me, wanting to hold my hand or chase a kiss… I couldn't let that happen. I wasn't feeling anything towards him, and I despised the fact that he needed it to be more. Couldn't he see how good our friendship was? I hated how much I needed a friend, but I was feeling a lot better because of Jacob. I just didn't want it to be romantic…
Soon after that Jacob had started to ignore me, and I had feared that I had driven him away. But the truth was, that my best friend was a shapeshifting werewolf… And the stories about the cold ones were true. And the hate for the Cullen's was more alive than ever for Jacob.
"They all just wanted to make you one of them – cold, unfeeling, fucking dead." I remember Jacob saying, on one of the few times we talked about them after his change.
"Well… All except one." I remember that Rosalie never wanted me to be one of them. I explained to Jacob how much she hated me because of how I used to dream to be one of them. I didn't know what her deal was then and I will probably never know why the most beautiful Cullen disliked me so much. It didn't matter anyway – I didn't like her back as well!
At first, Jacob was still crushing on me. Hard. But the thing about changing into a beast like he did came with some other baggage. Like imprinting. I understood that it was as close to as finding a mate in the Werewolf world. Jacob had met the love of his life, Leah, and I rarely even saw him after that. He had told me that she was his whole world and that she would always come first. Blunt, I know, but Jacob was always right to the point. Did it sting when he said that? Yes. Was I happy that he wasn't in love with me? Yes! I was happy for him but I knew I would almost never see him after that. Dad was pissed off that Jacob left me for another girl, but he couldn't do anything about it. The times when I would see Jacob would be with Leah, who was nice enough but I just couldn't stand to look at the love between them, knowing I didn't have one, making me remember how angry and upset I was with the Cullen clan. I was happy in a way that they were gone. I never had a chance at something like Jacob had with Leah…
And then I had to take that dive off the cliff… And everything spun out of control.
As we were flying back to Forks from Volterra, to meet the whole family, to arrange for me to be changed, I couldn't help but to remember everything that had led me to this moment here. Cruelly enough I was thinking about Rosalie and what she had said to me about me being changed when I first met Edward. She hated me… I was proving her right this time, by regretting ever meeting the Cullen's.
The truth was I didn't want to be one of them anymore. I didn't want to be with Edward anymore, much less be with him for forever. I had forgotten how beautiful the fleeting humanity experience can feel like. Now it was just a burden.
The dilemma I was faced with was; If I wasn't going to be changed, I would die. My family would die as well, including most of the Forks. And the Cullen's would die as well of course. Anyone who was a liability would die, since my mind was blank to Aro, the king of Volturi, the stupid vampire police, law, and executioners. They couldn't trust my word that I wouldn't or hadn't told anyone of the existence of vampires. But if only I was one of them…
Edward, Alice and I were walking on thin ice as it was since Volturi were letting me leave and for me to be changed after my return to Forks. The reasoning behind it was that we had to keep the human appearances.
When we landed, and Charlie almost dragged me in by my hair, yelling and telling Edward he will shoot him if he ever stepped foot in the house, I was alone in my room finally, and I drifted to sleep. It all happened so fast. I know I broke Charlies heart by leaving so suddenly. He thought the Cullen's had moved away for Carlisle's new job opportunity and Edward left me since it was so far away. He saw the hell I had been through and that I had just started getting better as well. I could feel again properly, I was almost happy again. I even tasted and liked the taste of food again… Now what?
When I woke up, I woke up to Edwards face.
"What are you doing here? Charlie said that you weren't to step foot in the house." I mumbled, trying to be civil, but more so trying not to cry – I was tired of doing that, but with him in my presence I remembered that I was sentenced to die.
"I used the window…" He smiled and searched my face for something, turning serious "Bella… I… We have to go see the family. I'll sneak you out and back in, so we don't wake up your dad…"
I had agreed seeing as the talk would have to happen sooner or later and I preferred the rip-the-bandage-right-off-method.
When we drove up to the house, my heart dropped to my stomach. We entered the household, and they were all standing there, in the living room. Esme and Carlisle in the front, looking a bit sad and worried, and smiling towards me. Were they sad for the same reasons I was? Because they knew I hated being here and hated them for what their existence had done to me?
One of them knew what I was feeling and that was Jasper. He was standing there with Alice, who was brightly smiling towards me, welcoming me back, not aware of anything, her visions probably clouded with her happiness. But Jasper, as I walked in the house I saw his face clear and he was staring back at me, deep in concentration. The empath knew what was happening. Edward looked at him and me, now knowing what Jasper knew.
I hadn't told Edward that I hated him or them, opting to stay silent for most of the time, not knowing how to handle things without going bat shit crazy. Edward still held my hand, but I could feel the question in his eyes, as he was looking at me. I of course chose to ignore the stare.
Emmett was also smiling; the sad kind of smile Esme and Carlisle were sporting. And last but definitely not the least was Rosalie who looked like she was about to cry, looking at me, horror on her face. Huh… I would have guessed she would have been pissed off or happy but this… This I didn't expect. It made me uncomfortable because I understood it and felt the pull towards her more than anyone else's reaction, so I tried not to look at her.
"Bella…" Esme started "It's lovely to see you." Jesus Christ. Was it really? Because I didn't feel like it was. I chose not to answer her, making this whole situation a lot awkward than it had to be. I'd rather let this be awkward than hostile. How could it be lovely to see me when they just left me like a used up rag? And returned to end my life?
Carlisle cleared his throat, something he didn't need to do "Well, it looks like we are in a predicament here… Bella, if you would come and sit down." He gestured to the dining table they haven't used ever for its purpose. Carlisle was truly the civilian and the pack leader, his manners in place always.
I nodded and walked over and sat down with the whole family.
"Bella I," Esme started again "I want to thank you for your bravery. For saving Edward. You didn't have to do that, but you did, and I wanted to thank you, because of you I still have my family intact. Not everyone would have done what you did."
"Yeah, you're welcome Esme." I couldn't keep my mouth shut this time "But thanks to your family now MY family won't ever be intact. My dad, my mom, they will be missing a daughter." I know it was low, but I couldn't help but to say such a snarky thing back at her. I understood that she wanted to thank me, but really, she better had just not said anything and moved on.
Esme looked like she was about to cry and Alice and Emmett's smiles had disappeared. The mood was somber now. Good. It's what I felt inside for months when they left me. And that's how I felt now, when I knew I was going to die.
"I get it you're grateful and all, but don't tell me that, when I'm about to sacrifice my life for it. How much time do we have to make the change?" I said coldheartedly. I wanted to cry again, sadness taking over but I had to be strong. For myself.
"No less than a year." Carlisle answered my question, looking thoughtful "The Volturi don't give second changes often and when they do, they expect the results soon."
I nodded, thinking. A year. "So, I get to finish high school at least… I get to start university and then… An accident?" I pondered.
Jasper was the one to answer "It could be a robbery gone wrong. We could send Volturi your acceptance letter to a university, so they would know the time was coming, and after the change - news of the accident."
"Yeah… It'll give my parents some joy, before it's ripped away from them forever. Unless there's a chance I could still be their daughter after the change?'' I wondered in hopes that I could still have my life back. Maybe there was a small chance.
The sad look on everyone's faces told me that that was impossible. This time Carlisle answered "They won't allow it. Once you're a vampire, you belong to that world and no other, with all its rules. The risk of you exposing all of us, even if accidental, would be too great."
This time I couldn't help but to let my tears fall. My life was over because of some romance nonsense I was in last year. I covered my mouth with my hand afraid I will start sobbing then and there, with all of them watching me.
I got up "So, what Jasper said then. The accident- we'll talk about it when it's time"
Edward got up as well and I had to tell him now. Perhaps I was a fool to think he wanted to be with me again, but I had to tell him to back off anyway my instinct telling me to do so now "Stay away from me, please. I want to be alone." And I left the house.
I was heartbroken once again, but this time not from a relationship but for my own lost life.
I had forgotten Edward drove me here. Did I really have to come and ask them to drive me back. I wasn't about to do that, so I started walking.
I was out of the driveway when a red convertible drove up to me "Get in." Rosalie commanded. I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself but truthfully, I wasn't up for walking for 4 hours straight, so I did as she told me and got in her car.
We were riding for half the way to my house in total silence. The time of the day, which probably was like 4 am, was so peaceful, it was just about the time when some people in Forks would get up to start their days, to start their lives. I was expected to do that too, but I was already starting to miss the point. Why should I even try?
"Bella," Rosalie startled me out of my thought. I had forgotten she was there for a second. I surprised myself with that. Rosalie was the most beautiful person I had ever met and I had forgotten she was there... Weirdly enough it was a comfortable silence before. She looked at me, saying something with her eyes, more than I could understand now as her mouth moved to say "I'm so sorry."
"Why are you sorry? You're the only one who wanted me to stay human." I shrugged "I'm sorry I'm proving you right."
She almost looked like she was in physical pain "It's my fault," she said "I called Edward. Alice told me you were dead and I though he needed to know what he… What we had done. I was the reason he went to the Volturi."
I looked at her in anger "Holy fuck… Do you really hate me that much? That you would do this to me?" I yelled at her, suppressing the urge to slap her face the sudden anger overtaking me "I was already out of your life! Why ruin it further! I don't even love him!"
She was still turned to me "I don't hate you! Don't you understand?! I didn't know what else to do – I thought you were dead!" she yelled back at me.
"Why did you even care?" I asked her.
She turned her beautiful to the side, shaking her head, calming herself calm "We came into your life and we ruined it. I'm sorry for this Bella."
I closed my eyes trying to concentrate. It was a stupid misunderstanding and I could see it from her point of view kind of. But I was still heartbroken over my lost life and blurred out "You have no idea how this feels like. To have a life taken away from you when you're still alive."
Now Rosalie looked like she was suppressing slapping me as she turned to face me again "You have no idea, how I was brought up Bella. So don't you even dare to say that." She stopped the car, and surprisingly, we were already at my house.
Rosalie was right. I didn't know about her and the way she had become immortal.
I wanted to get out, but I had the urge to comfort Rosalie. Perhaps she knew more about this situation that I understood. Perhaps we weren't so different at all.
I didn't do anything of that as I didn't know what to do or what to feel anymore at this point. I was drained. Without a word I stepped out of her car and went back to my house, so I could sleep for a second longer before my nightmare would begin.
