"Hungry hungry hippos." I still laughed at it, as Rosalie and I were sitting on a couch, about to watch a horror movie.

I don't think I've ever been a fan of horror movies, but then again, I don't think I gave them a chance. Though, Rosalie pointed out that it wasn't technically a horror movie per say.

"Jennifer's Body is a cult classic horror AND COMEDY."

She didn't have to talk me into it, I was already there with her. It seemed like a good movie - I was definitely interested. And there wasn't much I wouldn't watch with her, honestly. I felt completely safe with her. Of course, I felt safe with her since she saved me and was an ass kicking vampire in general, yet… There was so much more to that feeling. Rosalie was bright, and she was strong- not just physically, she was also funny… I felt like the Cullen's didn't give her enough credit. Then again, perhaps I didn't give her enough credit before as well.

As Rosalie was putting on the movie, she told me what had happened with Victoria "I was so angry and surprised that I saw her then on the road, I tried to collect myself enough to keep calm for you, so you wouldn't worry. I jumped out of the car and tackled her. I had the upper hand, since I am smarter, but truth be told, I'm missing some battle skills - experience that she has. Suddenly she had me in a choke hold, and the only way out, and not to get my head ripped off, was to make her fling me across the forest." She rolled her eyes "It was a lot further than I had anticipated. I thought she might kill you-"

"She would have played with me first." I sat up, pushing my knees in my chest - comforting myself. I didn't mind remembering, it was just so unnecessary to have Victoria, in any way, part of my life.

Rosalie looked with sorrow in her eyes "I think so as well. I ran back as fast as I could, but Emmett got there first, of which I'm so grateful." She looked away, fiddling with the movie, she was still putting on slowly "Emmett's strong, and I could get on top of her, and rip her head off… That only helped a little though, funny enough."

"Wait, if you rip the head off, doesn't that mean that she would be dead dead?"

"Have you ever seen a chicken when you cut off their head?" She waited until I realized "Yeah, something like that. It would be the same as to rip off her arm - painful as a bitch, but doesn't mean she would be dead dead, as you put it. We would need to burn the pieces."

"Okay." I nodded "What happened then?"

"So, without her head, she managed to free herself from Emmett. Perhaps the fear of actually dying, was the motivator. She was on top of me, holding on to me, ripping at my chest, trying to get to my dead, cold heart." she smirked at that.

"Jasper and Alice got there then. Alice jumped on her, but it didn't phase her one bit. Jasper tried to rip her hands from me, and then she had ripped his hand off, swiftly instead. It's kinda funny, in an ironic way, since Jasper has actual military training and experience none of us could ever dream of. I think he was worried about Alice and acted upon his emotions."

What experience did Jasper have… I hope I will remember that, so I could ask him later.

"In response, Alice ripped her arm off, and Jasper, with only one hand, managed to do the same to the other hand. Emmett helped with legs… And then Edward was there, collecting our thoughts and her pieces." She shrugged "Family group activity."

I got up and hugged her. I could feel her stiffen even more than the cold vampire she was, but I didn't think too much about it - I wanted to hug her "Thank you! I appreciate what you've done today."

I pushed myself off of her, as I started to think about how her body felt against mine.

"Let's watch the movie!" I exclaimed and went back to the sofa.

"Does Jennifer have a crush on her?" I asked Rosalie, since she's seen the movie.

"I dunno - watch it and see." she lifted her eyebrow.

I smiled "I am! She's definitely flirting, and the way she is with Needy's boyfriend. It has to be, just a little bit more than a friendship." I snickered, pointing out the obvious.

"Perhaps." She shrugged and looked away, seemingly thinking of something. I didn't want to bother her, perhaps she really liked the movie and didn't want me to talk through it, so I did what she had suggested - watch the movie.

It wasn't until the part that they kissed, that I looked at Rosalie, and nudged her. She looked a bit shocked, like she would be blushing if she could "See? I told you!"

"Nothing wrong with a friendly kiss." She reported laughing.

"I hope they end up together." I laughed with her, but she stopped, licking her lips, and biting the bottom lip.

I couldn't stop myself from looking. It was almost hypnotic, the gesture. Nothing wrong with a friendly kiss… I wondered how it would be to kiss her. Would it be like kissing another, cold vampire? Or would she be different…

I realized what I was thinking and that I was looking at her mouth, and so a deep blush started surfacing on top of my skin, and I looked back at the movie, not saying anything anymore. Rose did the same, sans blushing.

I could barely pay attention to the movie after that. I was thinking of Rose blushing, and how delicious that would be on her. Humanity did have its perks. Though, I didn't enjoy blushing around her now, so perhaps it had its ups and downs.

As I was watching the movie with her, or pretending to, I was coming to the hard realization, that I think I knew, in the back of my head, that I had feelings for her. Just like the movie characters, I felt like we were friendly without being friends and friendly.

Was I gay? I had no idea. I could feel my heart beating faster at the thought.

I wanted to google it.

What did that even mean?

Rosalie looked at me, feeling my body almost vibrating "How are you doing?"

I tried smiling "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." I cleared my throat "Big day." I shrugged

"If there is anything, I could help you with..."

She might... But no way in hell was I going to tell her that!

We watched the rest of the movie, and I tried not to think about how I was crushing hard at Rosalie. Despite my anxiety, I enjoyed the movie a lot and understood why Rosalie would like it.

I was wondering if she would stay the night or not, and what could happen, or rather what would not happen… Basically, I started to panic again.

"You want to go to bed?" She asked and I felt my eyes widen "You're right, it's been a long day - maybe some sleep would help. I'll stay down here."

I nodded "Yeah, yeah. Of course."

I wondered if my bulging eyes made her finish that sentence, pointing out that nothing was going to happen.

I felt like such an idiot… I could obviously see it in movies and with other people, but when it comes to me… I'm an idiot! No, Bella - calm down.

I breathed in and out and went to bed.

I couldn't fall asleep, no matter how hard I tried.

What were my feeling for Rosalie?

I felt incredibly confused.

Did I like women? I always thought that they were so much more beautiful than men. I was always attracted to that - the strength and the beauty, and the power of a woman was jaw dropping. I always had more female friends, or rather preferred to have them, not that I had a lot these days. I missed a friend at this moment - someone to talk to about these feelings.

Perhaps Angela would understand… But perhaps not.

Alice… I remember loving Alice. This made me wonder about my relationship with Alice. Did I have a crush on her? … No. Definitely not. I did love her, but like a sister… And Edward. But even now thinking about it way back - did I love Edward because I loved him from the bottom of my heart or was that just because he picked me, and the unattainable boy paid attention to me? Was it glamour? Edward was obviously good looking but other than appreciating his looks… I don't think I liked, or loved, him that much.

Rosalie… She was so much more than beautiful on the outside. She was brilliant! In this short time, I have come to get to know her more and I am in awe of this woman. I am mildly surprised that it took me this long to figure out I had a crush on her.

Does she feel the same?

Does she even care about me?

I turned on my back and breathed out.

God, my mind was a rambling mess. I needed to stop this and go to sleep. It was a good day, today! Seemingly out of nowhere Victoria was dead and gone. I still had a limited amount of time until I'm a vampire forever.

Perhaps I should ask all of them what they would have done if they knew they were going to die but live forever as unmoving creatures for eternity. Maybe I should make a google spreadsheet out of their answers?

I have no idea when I fell asleep, or how, but I managed to do it. I know that because I woke up from a nightmare.

Well… wrong - I woke up because someone was knocking on my door. I was very happy to know that what I dreamed was a dream and not a reality.

"Yeah? Come in!" I called, sitting up in bed.

Rosalie's head popped up "Sorry… I think you were having a nightmare?" She looked apologetic.

Before I could ask, she answered "It's just that… You talk when you dream…" I was mortified! What had she heard!

"You were begging to stop and that you wouldn't tell anybody." She answered my silent question, that I didn't even need to be told. I was running from Volturi, begging them, pleading.

"I'm sorry."

Rosalie changed from caring to angry "Why are you sorry! Having a nightmare is nothing to be sorry about! Especially, in your situation, Bella." She softened up "If you need anything - call me. To talk, or whatever."

Or whatever… Chill Bella!

"You're leaving?" I checked the time on my phone, noting it was half past ten in the morning.

"Yeah… I wanted to wait until you woke up. Sorry about that. Esme needs me." She explained.

I wish she would have woken me up sooner. She just had to sit there, and listen to me have a nightmare, instead we could have hung out.

What chore… I wondered if Esme, also a vampire, needed something from her, or Rosalie was just bored. Jesus, now I was overthinking everything.

I snapped out of it and smiled at her "Yea, sure. Thank you for staying the night." It didn't matter if Rosalie didn't want to spend her time doing nothing while I was sleeping in - it was totally alright and she could do whatever she wanted - she was her own person, and I respected that.

Rosalie smiled "Okay, well… Until the next time."

"Hope it won't be as deadly!" I made a lame joke that thank god she laughed at.

To my surprise, she suddenly whipped around, made a playfully evil face and said, "You'll never know!" And left.

I laughed, yet I was left stunned. Rosalie had a silly side!

I was a little bored to be honest. Since I wasn't going to school today - an order from dr. Cullen and dad, I was left home doing… nothing. I cleaned my room at least.

In reality there were plenty of things I could be doing, I just didn't want to do something and not pay attention to what it was I was doing. So, I was left looking for the fifth corner of the house, just because there was a question in the back of my head.

What if I was gay?

Should I tell Charlie? Renee? Were they homophobic?

I never cared personally, I always thought what the big deal was - let people love who they love. Perhaps I defended a little too much at other times.

But perhaps it was just Rosalie's charm and good looks, just like it was with Edward?

It didn't feel like that though!

God! I was even defending it in my head!

The phone rang at it snapped me back into reality, which I was grateful for. When I noticed it was Angela, I thought it was god sent!

"Hey!" I answered cheerfully.

"Bella! How are you? I heard you hit a tree yesterday! I thought you just had a sick day, but..." She sounded worried. Truth be told, it's something that could and would happen to me. Especially since I almost got turned into a donut because of Tyler and slippery roads.

"Yeah, the road was slippery." I answered her "Truth be told, I feel silly that it even happened to me!" I lied a little.

"Oh Bella! No need to feel embarrassed. My dad once had an encounter just like that! He said he was fine, but he was so afraid of driving later. It can happen to all of us." Of course, she meant the car crash not the red-haired vampire. Angela was as positive as ever.

Since it was lunch break at Forks high, Angela and I could chat a little, and it felt good to have a friend now. I wondered if I should ask her…

"... yes, and then I watched a movie. Nothing new really." Angela finished her sentence, that I barely heard, since I was overthinking again, if I should ask her advice "How about you and Edward? Did he call?" she almost even sounded hopeful.

Angela gave me an opportunity though, to talk about relationships.

"Actually, he didn't." I responded truthfully, shocked at his actions as well, but not hurt "I don't even know if I would ever like any man after that you know." I fake laughed, trying to steer her into that conversion without actually saying anything.

"Yeah, ha-ha, better to be celibate than with someone you're not in tune with." Celibate or gay? This wasn't going the way that I wanted it.

I tried again "Yeah, men, just - not appealing."

God, Bella, what is wrong with you - I couldn't even properly articulate the sentence, the panic was so high.

"Yeah, I guess you want some time off of relationships, that is okay and it's healthy Bella, to take some time for yourself." Angela was a lovely person, but I don't think we were on the same wave here.

After that I gave up.

I didn't want to be celibate. I knew what my body felt and craved. A touch… An intimate one. Something more. I wanted to feel good. And I knew deep down that I wanted Rosalie to make me feel good. And I wanted to make her feel good as well - god knows she deserved to feel good. And I think I did as well.

After the phone call I was left to my own thoughts, which were getting more and more explicit. Porn? Would porn tell me? Would it just do more damage?

I sat at my computer and I was about to go there when I just stopped.

I sighed and opened up google. I was going to just type this out and that's it.

'How do I know I'm gay?' I typed and clicked search.

I looked at all the pages that popped up and wondered which one I should click.

Before I could even make that decision, I saw a text, in one of the preview links, saying 'If you're questioning because you're wondering of the differences, you might be straight or you might not be. But if you panic-searched AM I GAY? you probably are - sorry.'

It was so true, I guess, and it was kind of funny. I felt like I was. I knew what I was but… Still… I felt myself fight with it mentally, not that I had a choice in the matter. I tried to be with Edward, and now his whole family is in danger and I will have to die, in one way or another, just because of our semi toxic relationship. I wasn't going to be some pilled out housewife to any man, or a senator or something, being so deep in the closet, making hate speeches of something I don't accept in myself. No. That would never be my future, even if I stayed a human. And eternity is a long time to self-hate.

But was I going to be out and proud? Maybe. In a while. What I needed to do was start accepting myself, and then I could let others in. It all starts with me.

Just as I had this realization, my doorbell rang.

I wondered who it might be. Perhaps school sent someone over with my homework?

I walked downstairs slowly, still deep in thought. That is, until I saw him at the door.

I felt sick to my stomach.

I wanted to puke up my breakfast.

I wanted to turn, run and hide.

I wanted to ignore the doorbell, and lie that I was asleep, or away, or that I didn't hear anything.

But because of him being a vampire, lying or running was futile and stupid, and would never work. I was trapped in my own self-righteous nightmare.

I smiled and let him in.

"Emmett! How are you?" I asked him politely, as I let him in.