It felt strange that my life wasn't in danger.
Of course one could say that I still was in danger, if I were to stay a human because of the Volturi. But it wasn't going to happen - no one would have to die because I was going to be a solved since people would actually be in more danger if I stayed human and I wasn't planing on making such a stupid descision. Victoria was gone, and she can't hurt me or my loved ones anymore. Neither Laurent or James were alive to avenge her.
No matter how fucked up my life was, it seemed… balanced.
Though I wasn't going to lie that it was harder to get ready for exams as my impending doom was coming closer and closer. Yet, I tried to push through, trying to motivate myself by saying - it's one thing I will do before I die, so I might as well do it well. It would make Charlie proud, to say I was a smart kid.
I also took some time to reflect on my newly found sexuality crisis.
It was double as hard, since Emmett came over and tried to rekindle the friendship I had with the Cullens. It didn't end with me telling him to go to hell since he was the nice, big guy, but it also didn't end with us saying how much we loved each other and to stay in touch. It went rather dry… And, since I probably had feelings for his wife, I didn't want anything more to do with him that day. Or any other day since.
I did remind Emmett that I needed some time. I don't think I would stay a Cullen after my change. Nor did I think to stay in touch with them as often as the Cullen children did when they were away, traveling. But perhaps, a yearly call with Emmett wouldn't be that bad... But how would I explain to him that I had feelings for his wife, and therefore I didn't want to put energy in our friendship as much as he wanted to? It wasn't like we were together, Rose and I, but I did like to fantasize about it.
I missed Rosalie… I told her I needed to study for exams, and we didn't talk much since. I really really liked her and I loved spending time with her… but it was also important to me what kind of a legacy I would leave for my dad here.
It almost felt like I was punishing her by my decision, but in honesty, I felt so confused, that perhaps deep down I was. In a way there was nothing to be confused about - I had romantic feelings towards her. The confusion part came into our friendship. Would I have to ruin it by admitting my feelings? Could I just be happy staying with her as a friend? Would I stay her friend rather than look for a partner of my own?
I felt a headache coming on, thinking about all of that.
I sighed dramatically and got up from my desk full of studies that I wasn't paying attention to at all. I couldn't study now, perhaps a walk would help clear my foggy head.
I was about to go down, when my phone rang. I'm not gonna lie, I hoped it would be Rosalie. All we did was just send a joke here and there. I was too much of a coward to say anything more to her, since I said that I need some time for my studies.
"Hey Angela!" I picked up the phone, seeing it was my friend, with whom I didn't have a crush on.
"It's over!" She cried "Ben and I broke up." She kept sobbing, her voice breaking.
"Oh Angela… I'm so sorry!" Angela and Ben had had issues in their relationship, at least that is what the school was gossiping about. Ben was ignoring Angela for a while now, and I guess it culminated. It reminded me of mine and Edwards break up, a bit. But perhaps it was a typical teenage breakup sequence. Sans, the vampirism.
"I confronted him, and he said he was not ready for a relationship, but Jessica said she had seen him with another girl, in the make-out spot." I sighed. Of course Jessica would have seen something like that. I didn't think it was true - I bet she didn't see shit.
"What if he has been cheating on me? What if he has a new girlfriend, Bella?" Angela panicked.
"Ang, we don't know that." I tried to think and comfort my friend "What did Ben say?"
I heard her take in a shaky breath, to calm herself before she continued "He said that, and I quote, relationships are hard work, and I am stressed as it is." She sniffed.
I looked at my desk and couldn't help but to understand his side as well, since I was doing almost the same to Rosalie "Perhaps he just needs some time Anglela..." I tried comforting her again. She didn't deserve the heartbreak she was experiencing.
"What are you doing?" She asked all of a sudden/
"I was trying to study." I bit my lip.
"Oh right - that thing." She laughed "I can't focus on anything! And we have our exams in two days."
"I can't focus either. Hey, do you - "I wanted to ask her to hang out, or try to study together, but she interrupted me, excited.
"Sorry Bella! Ben is calling me! I'm going to call you back." and she dropped the call.
I looked at my phone. That was an emotional rollercoaster!
I layed down in bed and looked at the ceiling, wondering about Angela and Ben - I wondered how their lives would turn out. Would Angela get together with Ben in the end? Would they break up again? Would she find her husband in a university? Would they have three lovely and smart babies, a white house and a picket fence?
I shook my head.
It wasn't like I was dying… I was still going to know these things, if I wanted to! I just had to stay out of their lives. An onlooker. A creep in the shadows.
Similar to what Edward did to me.
I was going to say goodbye to my parents, and friends and people I know and who know me, to keep everyone safe, and damn myself. But I was still going to be here een if they didn't know that.
But I will have to move on. My life will move forward, even if I won't be able to.
I was going to live a new life. Very different in fact. I might lose some opportunities by becoming an immortal soal, but I was going to be able to get new ones! I was getting excited, thinking about all the things I could be able to do when I was a vampire. No more scraped knees, no more colds. I wouldn't even have to waste my time on sleeping!
It didn't seem too bad, yet I knew it wasn't entirely what I wanted for myself. Some things did have a silver lining.
I got so energised after my epiphany, my mood increasing tenfold, that I was able to get ready for my final exams in peace. Just two days and I would be done with it.
"How do you think you did?" Angela asked me after the exams.
We had just finished, and were walking in the parking lot, the cool spring hair around us, sun shining slightly.
I had the biggest smile on my face "I actually think I did good!" There were things I didn't know of course, or some things I wasn't sure of, but in general, I was proud of the work I had put in. My studies paid off, and I think it showed. I was glad that I had pulled through.
"How about you?" I asked her.
"I think mine were good as well." She didn't say it with much enthusiasm. Angela and Ben were taking a break. They had decided together, in the end, that it was best to take a break, staying respectful to each other, while they were getting ready for the school's end. I don't think it was as mutual as Angela told me it was. And I think it might have kept her mind wondering more rather than focused. Ben was keeping her on a leash, and I didn't like it one bit! I didn't understand what had gotten into him.
"Hey!" Jessica ran up to us "Are you coming to the party tonight?" she said with so much enthusiasm.
"No"
"Maybe"
Angela denied and I was unsure, while Jessica scowled at us "Oh come on! How many times do we finish high-school?"
I smiled, holding in my laughter, thinking that I might do it more than once. But she was right, I would finish school once, while I was human.
"It's time to let go a bit, and enjoy ourselves!"
I turned to Angela, feeling sorry for her faulty relationship with Ben. Angela was forward, and it was something Ben liked in the beginning but I had a feeling he didn't anymore. That's one of the rumors that were going around, not that I listened to them. I hoped that that one was truer rather than what Jessica said to Angela about seeing Ben with some other girl at the make out spot. I know I needed to go out, the stress piling on and on, and perhaps Angela needed the same. Also, even if I might go to high-school again, not that I wanted to, I wanted my first time to be fun… At least, finishing it to be fun.
"Let's go, Ang." I nudged her, turning to Jessica "Where's the party at?"
She smirked, "Actually, it's at Tylers!" she looked at Angela "I hope you come." She turned and left us, almost skipping back to Lauren, who was on her phone. I didn't think she even noticed her gone.
Angela turned to me "I don't want to go." She said her face falling "I don't want to see Ben there."
"How do you know he's going to be there?" I asked hopefully.
Angela didn't answer me, just nudged her head to the other direction, directing my gaze at where Mike, Ben and Tyler were talking excitedly about something. I felt the corners of my mouth pulling down in a scowl. I knew they were friendly, but I didn't know they were such close friends! And Jessica, and Lauren were friends with them as well… I didn't have a good feeling about this.
"Oh… Right."
"But you should go!" Angela encouraged "I honestly want to stay by myself tonight." She turned her eyes to her feet.
"We can watch a movie." I suggested, not wanting to leave her alone.
"Truly Bella! You should go!" She hugged me "I'm sorry you have to go alone. I just need tonight to myself."
As she let me go, I thought about Rosalie. I felt bad thinking this, but I would much rather take her than Angela. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad after all. My exams were over, so I didn't have a reason to keep her at arm's length.
I really wanted to meet her again. I missed her and wanted to see her.
I was done with exams and now I had the whole summer. I would love to spend my summer with her.
When I got home, I texted Rosalie.
*Hi! We finished exams today, and there's a party. Is there any chance you would like to get out of the house?
I decided to be straight-forward. I didn't feel like running circles today.
To my delight, I didn't have to wait long for her response.
*At this point, I would be ready to leave for any reason!
My curiosity got the best of me.
*Trouble in paradise?
Her text left me a tad bit confused.
*Not much of a paradise.
I didn't have the time to respond when she texted again.
*At what time should I pick you up for this little party of yours.
I smiled.
*I think they are starting now, but I could be ready by eight? It's at Tylers.
She texted back immediately
*I'll see you at eight!
I was glad Rosalie had decided to come with me to the party.
When she drove up to the house, I was already out, waiting for her, too excited to stay in the house. She drove up in her shiny red car, and I almost expected her to say something sassy, but she didn't "Hey! Are you ready?"
"I am!" I said as I got in her car.
Rosalie was wearing a beautiful red dress, with white buttons and pale white scribbles all over it. It wasn't flashy, but it fit her well, and the classiness of the dress, her blonde hair in waves, made her look like a goddess.
"You look good!" I said, "That's a nice dress on you."
It felt good to express my emotions towards her. It felt true.
Rosalie smiled and looked at me, as she was speeding to Tyler's house "You too! I love the earrings!"
I blushed, at the mention of the earrings. I wore the ones we got at the antique store, when we met accidentally. I paired it with a short, flowy, dark forest green shirt dress, trying to look my best for Rosalie. I tried my hand even at an eyeliner - that's why I had suggested eight o'clock - so I was sure I would be truly ready by then.
Rosalie's face softened as she said "You look really beautiful Bella."
I blushed again and changed the subject, as we got to Tyler's house.
As we parked the car outside the house, the music was loud even from the outside. I was surprised that there was a party like that here, at Forks.
"I'm surprised your father isn't shutting this down." Rosalie voiced her opinion, as she got out of the car.
"Give it an hour or two." I sighed. I hope she still wanted to go to this, and she wouldn't be bothered by the amount of people in there.
"Then we should go in before it shuts down!" she said enthusiastically before I could doubt myself more.
As we entered the house, I noticed that most of Forks high was here, not only seniors.
Jessica passed us, cheering "Oh my god! Bella! You came! And you brought a Cullen!" She grimaced slightly at Rosalie, which only made Rosalie smirk. Jessica probably hated that there was someone so much more gorgeous than her at the party, making her jealousy obvious.
Jessica's jealousy was showing more as she grimaced at Rose's outfit, but not as much that she wouldn't offer us alcohol, she had on a tray.
We took two shots, one for me and for Rose, not that she had good use of it in any way.
When Jessica walked away, Rosalie sniffed the tiny glass of the clear liquid she gave us "Cheap vodka." And wrinkled her nose.
I laughed "Here's to every high schooler's experience'" I said before I drowned the shot.
"Ugh!" The shot was vile! It burned my mouth and left an unpleasant feeling in my throat, that made me cough up my lung. And after the disgusting burn, I could feel the peachy after taste.
"It tasted cheap as well." I said to Rose, agreeing with her, shivering from the shot, which only made Rosalie laugh.
"It's not that bad." She snickered, offering me the second one.
"Hey! That was my first!"
"Cheap vodka as a first! Truly different times." Rosalie mockingly fake snickered.
"What did you have as a first?"
"Hmm…" she thought for a second "It's hard to remember, but I do remember liking champagne. How bubbly and sweet it was. Or when you didn't want it sweet, it could be dry and bitter. I remember putting berries in mine, sometimes even a peppermint leaf or two." She said, her eyes concentrating in the distance. I could almost taste it as well, as she was describing her choice of beverage.
"Well, I'll just stick to this now," I showed her the second shot, " but I am expecting champagne, berries and whatever you used to put in it!" And I shot back the second cheap vodka shot.
It felt horrible, but it was more alright the second time around. I knew what to expect this time.
"Oh! Look at Bella drinking!" Mike came around the corner, visibly drunk. The half empty bottle in his hands was also an indicator of how much he had drunk.
"Hey Mike." I said with little to no excitement. The only way I knew Rosalie acknowledged him, was the roll of her eyes, as she took her phone out.
"Oh, and I remember you Rosalie!" He slurred at her, while she still didn't look up.
"Yeah we just got here." I tried to steer him away. "So you better go, and we'll meet you later."
He laughed "Oh Bella! Always the one to get away." He turned to go as he laughed at his lame excuse of a joke.
I turned to Rosalie "Am I going to be such an asshole now?" I said, showing her the two empty glasses, slightly worrying that alchocola wasn't probably the best idea.
"You better don't!" Rosalie smiled "I don't think it's possible anyway. You're not him. You're a completely different person."
For a second, I felt my body become lighter, and vobmlimore fluid, and warmer. I was staring at Rosalie, and thinking how hard I was falling for her, and how easy it was to be around her. She was funny, smart and she wouldn't take anyone shit. She was beautiful.
I felt my cheeks burning and before I could say anything, Rosalie spoke up "Let's go find a chill spot?"
