September Dusk

He's never liked her. Severus doesn't like anybody much, but she was one of his least favourites of her cohort. He disliked the way she wanted to be called by her last name. Lots of the boys styled themselves that way and it irritated Severus that when he called them by their second name it sounded familiar and friendly, rather than the detached formality befitting of a teacher. He hadn't met many girls who preferred to be known by their surnames, which made him suspicious of her from the outset. Early on he decided to always call her by her first name, a name which wasn't as bad as she protested. He hated the way she turned up late to lessons and answered back and had the handwriting of a blind five-year-old. He despised her Metamorphmagus abilities. Her hair was different every lesson, or she'd be the smallest girl in the class one day and almost as tall as Severus the next. She'd distract everybody by messing with her nose and ears. Once, in her third year, she made herself look like Khadeeja Tails, who sat beside her. Severus put her in detention for a week, disturbed by the thought that she could make herself look the same as somebody else. She could make herself look like Severus himself. The idea made his skin crawl. Mostly, though, she used her abilities for attention. Severus had always hated show-offs. He should have known by her arrogance that she was related to Black. When Severus found that out, he liked her even less.

He disliked how she was always spilling ingredients, dropping vials and nicking her fingers with her knife. He didn't like how her roots were bunglingly sliced and her Sopophorous beans hard. He detested the fact that despite this, she was the best in her year at Potions. Severus tried again and again to discourage her; detention after detention, marking her down in tests, finding excuses to pour her brew away in the middle of an assessment so that she had to start again with half as much time as the rest of the class. None of it worked. She marched in every lesson, slung her bag on the table and started determinedly setting out her equipment. Severus never managed to make her cry, and every year she seemed to get better at his subject, not worse. She was the type of pupil Severus had always despised; the ones who were clever and hardworking, but still had friends and made jokes and ambled in yawning on a Monday morning after a common room party. Severus heard her mention her ambition to be an Auror and was looking forward to crushing it with an E in Potions (an A if he was lucky). But her practical exam was perfect and she only dropped three marks in the written assessment. Severus remembers the sinking feeling when he tasted her potion, and how he clenched his Quill with rage as he inscribed the "O" on the front of her exam paper. After that, he had to put up with another two years of her clattering and chatter and her ridiculous hairstyles. She didn't stop talking about being an Auror during her NEWTs, and she even started demanding extra homework. Severus didn't think they'd take her seriously at the Auror department, and he told her so himself. Her potions, though, remained excellent. By the time she took her NEWT exams, Severus was pre-occupied preparing himself for Potter's arrival that Autumn, although it was impossible to ignore the news that she'd been accepted into the Auror academy, because Professor Sprout had written to all the professors to tell them (showing off, again. Weren't Hufflepuffs supposed to be humble?).

Severus was surprised to see her in the Order a few years later. He ignored her at first, and she stayed out of his way too. Occasionally Severus saw her throw a nasty glare in his direction, but that was nothing new. Severus was used to receiving nasty glares; he almost liked it. Sometimes if she was irritating him he'd make a snide comment about her age or her gawkiness or how surprised he was that she'd passed her Auror training (the truth, Severus and everybody else knew, was only because Mad-Eye Moody had cheated the system to get her through. Severus' respect for Moody dipped after realising that Mad-Eye had chosen her as his favourite, and that he was the reason she was in the Order in the first place). He never mentioned her hair or her clothes or how she messed around with her appearance. He knew that that was all for attention, and Severus wasn't going to give her that satisfaction.

He'd first got wind of her dalliance with Lupin when he'd arrived at Grimmauld for a meeting on a blustery February evening. Severus walked through the hallway and had half-opened the door to the dining room before realising that Lupin and Black were alone in there. He'd let go of the doorknob abruptly and backed into the corner of the corridor to wait for someone else to arrive. He wasn't going to go into a room alone with Black and his lackey. Severus could hear them talking, but he didn't care about listening in until Black burst out, "For Merlin's sake, just ask her out!"

Severus raised his eyebrows, unsure that he had heard right.

"Sirius, give it a rest," Severus heard Lupin retort through the door.

"It's Valentine's Day next week, here's your chance. You march up to her and ask her if she fancies a drink,"

Severus was stunned. Lupin was after somebody? And a her at that? Poor woman.

"No," said Lupin stiffly.

"Why not?" Black whined.

"She'll say no. Chances are she won't ever want to speak to me again, and-" Lupin cut himself off.

"And you like her too much to entertain that possibility," Black chuckled, "You really are smitten, aren't you?"

There was the sound of someone being clapped on the back.

"I like her as a friend," Lupin murmured, as if beginning a confession.

Black snorted.

"And I want to keep her as a friend. I don't want to endanger that," Lupin continued.

"I will never understand you," marvelled Black.

"Thank heaven for that," Lupin sighed.

Severus jolted as a pompous voice boomed, "Ah, good evening Severus,"

Severus spun around to see Sturgis Podmore striding through the hall towards him. Severus groaned internally. Podmore didn't seem to have understood that Severus disliked him.

"Everything ship-shape and shiny at Hogwarts?" Podmore asked briskly, shaking Severus' hand.

"Delightful," Severus drawled.

"What are you doing here, skulking like a schoolboy?" demanded Podmore. He pushed open the dining room door. "Sirius, Remus, good evening," he greeted grandly, as Severus loped in behind.

"Hello, Poddy," said Lupin, "Hello, Severus,"

Severus ignored him.

"Remus just said hello to you," snapped Black, "Left your manners with your shampoo, have you?"

Black's taunts hardly touched Severus anymore. The man was a coward. Severus saw Lupin kick Black under the table.

"Let's not get off to a bad start," blustered Podmore, then added with relief, "Ah, Molly, good evening,"

The Weasleys' mother had brought a gaggle of Order members with her, talking and bickering as they walked into the dining room. Their chatter irritated Severus, although at least they spared him from being alone with Black.

Walking back to his room at Hogwarts later that night, Severus remembered the conversation between Lupin and Black. He could almost laugh at the preposterousness of Lupin being having designs on somebody. The only idea more amusing was that a woman could have designs on Lupin back, which, despite what Black had been implying, was impossible. Lupin was ill, dull and a dangerous creature. Nobody could fall in love with a werewolf. Lupin had insisted to Black that he couldn't peruse anything, clearly trying to avoid causing himself pain. Although, mused Severus, pushing open the door to his quarters, there was still hope that this mystery woman would shatter him into pieces.

Diggle let slip who the woman was. The old man was as subtle as a bludger and blurted it out one evening a few weeks later.

"Where's Tonks and Remus?" William Weasley piped up. Severus didn't like him either.

"They're in Diagon Alley, I hear she's finally persuaded him to accompany her out,"

"What?" asked Weasley, "Are they, like, together?"

"Goodness gracious Godric, I wasn't supposed to tell anybody!" squeaked Diggle. He was almost as bad as Filius.

Severus pretended not to care, but the thought of it being Nymphadora who was the object of Lupin's affection was bizarre. She was barely out of school, and Lupin was the same age as Severus. Who'd have thought Remus Lupin had a predilection to younger women? Severus shuddered. He'd seen Lupin transformed during Black's little prank, and the sight had sickened and appalled him. The werewolf was huge, dirty and grotesque, gnashing and frothing at the mouth as if rabid. Such a creature was unloveable. Such a monster was undeserving of love.

It was just like Nymphadora though, to be enticed by Lupin's affliction. She'd see it as a challenge and a bragging point. She'd always rattled on about her Muggle-born father (as if that was anything interesting) so of course she'd be thrilled at the prospect of going further, of embarking on a relationship with a dark creature. He can imagine her gleefully announcing it to everyone she met, thrilled at their horror, relishing the attention. Severus curled his lip in disdain. The odd thing was that Lupin hated attention. He was a coward, the sort of man who looked as if he wanted to blend into the wallpaper. Severus had no idea what they saw in each other, yet when yet they had walked into the Grimmauld Place kitchen a few minutes later, windswept and grinning, it was clear that they had been somewhere together (Nymphadora's explanation of, "We just bumped into each other outside," was unconvincing). Severus supposed that he'd seen her making a nuisance of herself around Grimmauld Place the last few times he had visited, although he'd assumed she was there to see Black, so they could cackle and brag and indulge in their revolting ostentatiousness together. It had never occurred to him that she might there to see Lupin too. It had never occurred to Severus that anybody would ever go out of their way to see Lupin. He'd always got the impression that Lupin thought the same.

Severus knew it would end badly, so he was unsurprised a few weeks ago when Dumbledore informed him that Lupin would be away on Order business until at least Christmas. Severus hadn't asked where or why, but it wasn't difficult to work out what had happened. Nymphadora must have seen the insanity of her ways and left him, and now Lupin had signed himself up for a long-term posting to get over her. Or perhaps he had split up from Nymphadora, was sick of the sight of her and wanted to be rid of her for good. That was understandable, Severus mused. He hid his pleasure when Dumbledore told him the news, although that happiness faded when he realised how dramatic Nymphadora would be about it all. Thankfully, Severus had been busy with his own Order work over the Summer, so he hadn't had to suffer any more awful meetings in the now-dead Black's house. Severus was pleased. He was glad to avoid the whole lot of them.

Severus ponders all this as he's heading down towards the gates (he's been guarding the doorway, waiting for Potter. The boy is late, of course. He rarely deigns to attend the start-of-term feast on time. Crashing a flying car, fainting theatrics on the train, various little trips to see his Housemistress who invariably lets him off for his misdemeanours. The school has a different rulebook for Potter, although Severus has given up mentioning this to Dumbledore, who remains infatuated with the boy). A Patronus had arrived and told him that Potter was safe (disappointing, Severus mused), and was being brought up to the castle (precious Potter must have a babysitter wherever he goes). The Patronus had spoken in Nymphadora's voice, which was strange since last time Severus had seen her cast the charm, her protector had appeared as an annoying rabbit-y thing. It had changed, then- and it had changed into a wolf. Lupin. Severus could almost laugh. How utterly pathetic she was. How long had she known Lupin- a year? Nowhere near long enough to fall in love. It was an illusion, a delusion of love. She was stupid and weak. Severus should have a word with Moody about her- she clearly didn't have the resilience of an Auror.

Severus can see her by the gates with Potter now. Potter, he notes, has grown- all the more reason to cut him back down the size. He isn't wearing his uniform and, Severus notes as he holds up his lantern, the boy's face is smeared with blood. Severus does not feel sorry for him.

"Well, well, well. Nice of you to turn up, Potter, although you have evidently decided that the wearing of school robes would detract from your appearance," he drawls, unlocking the chained gate with his wand.

The boy begins to protest but Snape ignores him, turning his attention to Nymphadora. She looks drab; there is no sign of her usual ludicrous hairstyles. Severus assures her that there is no need to accompany them further- contrary to what the Order choose to believe about their golden boy, Potter does not need two escorts to walk him into school. He will have been spoiled enough by Weasley's relatives over the Summer, and of course on his little sojourn with Dumbledore. The boy needs reminding that he is not the king of this castle.

"I meant Hagrid to get the message," Nymphadora says. Severus gets a closer look at her face as she frowns at him, and he notices that she doesn't look merely drab- she looks dreadful. Pasty and gaunt-looking. Stupid girl must believe she's had her heart broken, Severus thinks. She wouldn't know the first thing.

"Hagrid was late for the start-of-term feast, just like Potter here, so I took it instead," Severus explains, letting Potter in through the gate (the temptation to shut him outside forever is a strong one) before slamming it shut.

"And incidentally, I was interested to see your new Patronus. I think you were better off with the old one," he tells Nymphadora.

Severus sees hurt flash across her face in the lamplight and feels a gleam of satisfaction. Did she expect to go around with a new Patronus, looking dour as widow, and garner sympathy? More theatrics, as usual. She's brought this all on herself- and so has Lupin, for pretending to be a man when everyone knows that he's a beast. They are both foolish and naive, and Nymphadora deserves to feel this illusion of anguish for getting involved with a werewolf. Somebody as self-centred as her could not imagine that real love is not about you. It is about the other person. Putting yourself through any humiliation or pain for them, lying and begging for their life and safety, willingness to sacrifice anything. Love is rarely about happiness, and never about you. Nymphadora's brief infatuation with the werewolf has given her no understanding of this. Of loss. Heartbreak. Despair.

Love.

Severus taps his wand so that the chains snake back around the gates.

"The new one looks weak".


…that's one of my favourite Snape moments, it's so nasty and hypocritical. Needless to say, the dialogue between Snape, Tonks and Harry at the gate is taken from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by JK Rowling. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please review to let me know what you thought.

PS- The early paragraphs of this fic owe some ideas to Picking Lilies by Lady Altair, which I recommend if you enjoy Snape fic.