Set in about November of DH. Warning for nightmariness.

ANX

Tonks knocks on the door of her childhood bedroom, and her husband says, "Come in,"

Since Dad left Remus has been sleeping in her old bedroom, while she sleeps in bed with Mum. Andromeda put up a fight and tried to insist that she would be alright on her own but they all knew it was a lie, and Tonks didn't want to leave her alone with her worries at night. Besides, there's safety in numbers these days.

Tonks pushes the door open and walks in, then blinks at the neon walls. For her eighth birthday Dad decorated her room with magic paint which changed colour every day like her hair does. Remus' clothes hang on a single rail in the corner (he insisted on letting her keep her wardrobe) and a few of his favourite books, the ones he hasn't left behind in the flat, are stacked on the floor beside the bed. When he moved into her flat in July seeing his stuff beside hers seemed natural and exciting. It's much weirder to see him living in her old bedroom. Not uncomfortable, just strange. It's also strange to see him standing in his grey nightshirt and black bottoms against the bright orange wall. He's facing away from her, leaning both hands on the windowsill as he looks out into the night. Tonks takes a moment to admire how he looks in his pyjamas, something she's missed since they haven't been sharing a bed. She misses how much he moves around in his sleep. Most of all she misses how rumpledly sexy he is in the mornings.

"Remus?" she prompts, after a moment.

He glances round. "Hello," he says distractedly. His smile is wan but it still makes her heart miss a beat.

"Wotcher. What's up?" she asks.

Remus eyes dart around the room for a couple of seconds, and then meet hers as he confesses, "I'm scared,"

Her heart droops, and Remus grimaces apologetically. Tonks knows that he isn't ashamed of admitting fear, but he doesn't like giving people more to worry about than he has to. She walks over to him, knocking over his stack of books as she passes the bed. She hugs her husband from behind, crossing her arms around his waist. He likes it when she does that. She likes making him feel safe. One of the good things to come out of this living arrangement is that Mum's a great cook, so Remus has finally put on some weight. He feels fuller around the middle and arms aren't so skinny.

"We'll be alright," she says, and presses a kiss to the spot between his shoulder-blades. In a few weeks' time when she holds him like this he'll be able to feel the curve of her stomach where their child's growing.

"I'm afraid they're going to come after me next," he whispers.

"Good luck to them if they do," Tonks scoffs, sounding braver than she feels, "They'll have to get past me first,"

"It'll be half-breeds after Muggle-borns,"

"I'll protect you,"

"What about the baby?"

"I'll protect the baby," she says, clicking her tongue, "Multi-tasking,"

Remus forces a laugh and Tonks squeezes him harder, pressing her face against his back. She can't protect him in her dreams. In her dreams he's torn away from her by Death Eaters and Tonks is frozen to the spot, only able to shout at the masked crowd to stay away from him, please don't hurt him. Bellatrix is cackling and Greyback is gnashing his teeth and the rest of them are jeering at Remus as they shove him and hit him and yank at the wolf tail that's growing out of his human back.

"Don't touch him," she pleads, "Leave him alone, hurt me instead, my father's a Muggle-born and my mother betrayed the Blacks!"

That turns out to be the worst thing to say because Remus has suddenly become her parents, who are writhing on the ground as Bellatrix dances around them and whooping hysterically as she twirls her wand.

"Mum! Dad!" Tonks tries to scream, but a child's voice comes out instead of her own, and she knows that it's her baby screeching for her. The baby that is being ripped out of her stomach by Greyback.

"Mummy! Mummy!" the baby squeals, and Tonks is begging, screaming at the masked crowd.

"Not my baby! Please, please, I'll do whatever you want, do anything but please don't hurt the baby, NOT MY BABY!"

She wakes up then, panting and sweating, with Mum shaking her and grabbing her hands and saying, "It's a dream Nymphadora, a dream. Look, I'm here, you're with me,"

She clutches her stomach, "The baby?"

"The baby's fine,"

Tonks had been so excited when she first found out, but as time's gone on she isn't sure that she likes being pregnant. Before, it was her who rubbed Remus' back and massaged his knuckles and neck when he was achy. It was her and Dad who made jokes- Mum and Remus were the worriers. Jokes don't seem so funny nowadays. It used to be Remus who rested his head in her lap while she sifted her fingers through his hair. It used to be Mum who was the cantankerous one, but now it's Tonks whose waspish and impatient. She's prone to tears a lot too, which only makes her more frustrated at herself. Mum and Remus think they need to look after her, and it makes her feel helpless and childlike. And guilty, because Mum shouldn't be fussing over her when she's got Dad to worry about (the weeks since he went away are becoming months. They weren't expecting to hear anything from him but it doesn't lessen the anxiety).

"What about you? Are you alright?" Remus asks, back in the bedroom. He leans back against her a little, returning the pressure. There's the example right there, Tonks notes- before she was pregnant it was always her who asked him that and assured him that everything was okay.

"S'pose so," she mumbles. She doesn't tell him about the nightmares because he knows already. She doesn't tell him how redundant pregnancy is making her feel. She will, one day, although not now because she hasn't worked out how to verbalise it yet, and because he's already feeling scared.

"Perhaps you should go to bed," Remus suggests after a pause, like she's the one who needs taking care of. A few months ago Tonks would have rolled her eyes or snapped at him for fussing, but she's trying to do less of that these days. Remus turns around to face her and leans his back against the window sill. The smile he gives her is more amused and genuine this time.

"Desperate to get rid of me?" she needles him.

Remus lets out a chuckle and tilts forward to press his mouth to hers. His kisses, however they end up, always start lightly. Tonks expects this one to be a chaste goodnight kiss but he lingers, drapes an arm around her waist and pulses his lips against hers.

Tonks pulls away, grinning. "So you don't want me to go to bed?"

His eyes are closed and his lips are half-open. "Five minutes," he mumbles, and then his mouth finds hers again. He runs his lips over her jaw and cheek, up into her hair (blonde today), and his hands stroke her waist and stomach. Sometimes he presses his head against there to see if he can feel anything, but so far Tonks has only felt the baby lurch inside her a couple of times. Molly reckons that first babies are lazier than later ones, and that she could barely feel Bill until she was five months gone but Ron was shifting around all over the place after barely ten weeks.

Remus kisses her on the mouth again, slowly. This, Tonks muses as pulls away for a moment to rum her thumb across his lips, is definitely one thing that's changed for the better. Nowadays, Remus is calmer about all this- kissing, being touched, intimacy, his body- than he's ever been before. He seems to feel less guilt about it and that, she thinks selfishly, has made him a better kisser, a better lover, a better husband.

When Remus eventually lets her go with a final kiss to the temple, Tonks asks, "Feel less scared?"

Her hand finds his and she starts playing with his elegant fingers.

Remus' face darkens slightly. "Hmm,"

"Is that a no?"

"Yes,"

"I told you, I'll protect you. Nobody's going to mess with you once they know you've got a big bad Auror as your bodygaurd,"

"Hmm," he says again. He sounds unconvinced, but Tonks lets it go and moves away from him. Remus climbs into her old bed and pulls the sparkly purple duvet cover up to his chest.

"I'll be nextdoor if you need me" Tonks reminds him. She tells him that every night even though there's no point- he doesn't like to disturb either her or Mum during the night, and it'd take a lot for any man to want to sleep in the same room as his mother-in-law.

Remus catches her hand, presses it to his mouth and mutters, "I always need you,"

Merlin, was that a line? Remus Lupin using lines? Has he been reading that book of Fred and George's? Tonks could rib him with this, but he's being sweet so she just scoffs, "Flattery will get you anywhere. G'night,"

"Night,"

She heads into the corridor, blows him a kiss, and shuts the door behind her. The white corridor walls seem bland all around. Tonks dismisses the thought as just the contrast from the neon orange. But perhaps, she realises, walking down the corridor towards her parents' room, perhaps it seems bland because Remus isn't out here with her.