3 days later after we saved Superboy(?), Batman and Martian Manhunter introduced her niece to us. Unlike her uncle, M'gann M'orzz a.k.a. Miss Martian, chose to look like a human being. Kid Flash instantly liked having a girl member in the team. Miss Martian seemed to be interested in Superboy although we were still discussing what his real name/code name should be. Me on the other hand…

"Alright… Let me just take a brain surgery real quick to make sure martian no.1 and no.2 doesn't get inside my head…"

Not the best choice of words in front of Martian Manhunter and his niece, but I was not going to take a chance for the girl to look inside my head. Yeah, there was Martian Manhunter himself and a few others who are capable of doing that, but I didn't think I would've become a 'hero' and work along with the Justice League and fight with psychic villains on the way.

Yeah, I definitely need some kind of defense mechanism for my mind and memories.

Before Kid Flash and Batman could chatiscize me for that rude comment, I was hot on my heels running away and I didn't stop until I was out of DC, driving my motorcycle I 'borrowed' from a gang member. Away from the beings who could read my mind and understand why I took every single thing as a joke.

I took the truth easy because I started out knowing the truth. But to them… those who grew up not knowing the truth… it would break them.

So I ran away.

I can't let anyone else know. I can't possibly let the others know.

So I got a chip lodged in my brain.

I had to convince Batman and the Question first.

"Listen… listen I know this may sound batshit crazy… pun intended, but I need something to block out psychic people from reading my mind…"

"No, no, no! You don't understand guys! You don't understand…! I-I…"

"Fine… fine, I'll tell you what you need to know. But don't tell this to anybody else. This information stays with you and you and me. Period"

"Not the truth Batman, the Truth with a capital T. I knew that harsh Truth from the start. The truth would break you… well probably not since the determination you both have is enormous. But then again… you would know that everything you do and think is for naught… that your existence is for naught… so naught that there is no difference between life and death, right or wrong, it's not even in the gray spectrum, it's just… not there at all… and I know that truth… so please… Get me a defense mechanism to prevent psychics from entering my mind…"

"Oh, really? Come on, you're the 'Batman', the most paranoid person on Earth. Of course you have some mechanism to prevent having your mind read"

So he gave me one with his advanced tech.

After the surgery I immediately ran over to the martians and begged for forgiveness, which they gave pretty easily.

The team… had other thoughts.

"That was really rude, you know?" Said Kid Flash with a sour face. "Why in the world did you do that?"

"You wouldn't get it"

Others didn't vocalize it, but their subtle stares made me know that they did not appreciate what happened. After all, while taking the surgery I missed our mission where an android came looking specifically for Red Tornado.

I missed all the fun and danger.

But then, there was more in store for me.

"So… this is our first mission…" I mused as I flicked my yellow badge up and down. "New armour… new teammate… a new joke…"

"Is… he always like that…?" I heard Miss Martian whispering to Robin as I started to sing Uptown Girl in a soft voice.

"Eh, you'll get used to it" Spoke Robin as he focused on the mission. "Then again, maybe never. But even with his attitude, he's extremely good at perceiving things and deducing. Not to mention reading people"

"I see…" Sighed the martian sadly. "But why was he so scared of having his mind read…?"

"Yeah… I've never seen a normal person run that fast or drive that fast before" Commented Kid Flash in a hushed tone. "Within 10 minutes, he was out of DC"

"I wonder what secrets he keeps from us" Said Aqualad, glancing towards my direction as I began to rock my head back and forth.

"Oh, it must be secrets about his porn stash and stuff" Said Kid Flash dismissing Aqualad's curiosity. "I mean, he can't have anything that's national security level… right…?"

"It just might be so" Commented Aqualad as he stared at the enigma.

"But the guy is off his rocker for sure" Grumbled Superboy. "I mean… look at him…"

Everybody turned their head towards me as I pressed my face flat onto the window as we flew in a martian tech. I was giggling.

"Yeah, he might be a funny and intelligent guy, but he's crazy…" Spoke Kid Flash shaking his head.

"Y'all done talking shit about me?" I called out as everybody froze.

"Oh don't be so scared…" I said chuckling. "At least you were being honest. I personally find that better than bitches who talk nicely to me in my face while they talk shit behind my back"

I didn't know it back then, but according to Superboy I had the most crazed and cynical smile on my lips. It was probably because I was reminiscing the moment when I… brutalized a student who was talking shit behind me while appearing friendly in front of my face.

Of course I did this outside of school and made sure the fucktard was scared enough to lie that he slipped down a couple of stairs.

My dad congratulated me on defeating an enemy. I guess it was at that point(or probably way before that) when he realized my lack of respect for 'life'.

Anyways, I creeped out most of the team.

Heh. Hahahaha… ha… ha.

Digging my fingers into the corners of my lips, I stretched them into a smile then let it go as a perfect smile remained on my face. Then I tapped the yellow smiley face that activated stealth mode.

In other words, my whole armour turned into a dark complexion.

"And… the curtain rises…"


"This would be interesting…" I commented as I popped open a bag of popcorn as I continued to watch two groups of people walking towards each other. Our team leader, who was apparently Robin, ditched us long ago.

"Interesting? Interesting?!" Whispered Kid Flash with somewhat anger. "Are you kidding me? People can die here!"

"Just wait" I said, throwing popcorn in my mouth. "It's dark, so I couldn't see a thing… but when they start shooting at each other… that's when I could take a good look at what we're dealing with"

"Fine… just let me find Rob—"

That was when Kid Flash slipped and went falling downhill.

It was already too late for me or any one of us to help him, and watching the way he rolled it was pretty obvious that he was going to be in between the two groups who were now shooting at each other.

"That blundering idiot!" I growled as I jumped down, pumping my shotgun.

'Superboy!' I said through my mind, sliding smoothly while shooting pellets of teargas at both parties. 'Get in between with me! We're going to grab the two group's attention. While we're doing that, Robin and Miss Martian… you two are going to be the assassins. Quietly and quickly clear out the two groups! Robin you take care of the guys with red robes, Miss Martian takes the other! KF, your job is to support us and make sure none of us gets harmed! And Aqualad, speed up more! We need more numbers in this fight!'

So… with my Russian roar along with Superboy's roar, we attracted the two groups who were now gunning at us mostly. Thankfully, I was wearing a helmet that had a yellow smiley face drawn on it to prevent getting a headshot, so I was free to brawl in the midst of gunfire.

Now, according to the information we had received for the first official mission, things were not going well according to plan. First of all, we were told that this factory we were supposed to 'observe' was owned by a big, bad, and bald guy named Bane(four Bs?). Apparently Bane was creating his personal steroids via this factory, but recently there had been a spike in the production rate.

Personally, I found it weird that none of the JL went there and put a stop to Bane's shipment of his concoction. Maybe it had to do with some international government bullshit, but nonetheless, I believe it was ultimately some fresh bullshit indeed.

Anyways, based on this information there shouldn't be any red hooded people who looked like cultists. Conclusion: the information was outdated, in other words: bullshit.

Wait a minute, is that Bane with a machine gun? Wait a minute, did he just shoot me?!

Although Miss Martian may be superior in specie-wise, I wasn't going to take any chances of letting that fucker harm the green girl. That's why I pulled the big gun on him.

'Superboy' I thought as I grunted as a bullet bounced off my armour. 'Get that masked man over there. That's Bane, the owner of that Venom factory. Miss Martian, support Superboy'

With another roar, Superboy tossed a tree at the masked man who had a surprised pikachu face before he rolled away, only to be body slammed by the clone once again as they wrestled for dominance.

Many people would fap to that for sure. Man and boy wrestle on the dirt while boy's love interest watches.

Yeah, it wasn't too hard to notice that Megan had feelings for Superboy.

Motherfucker… how the fuck do others survive through a hail of bullets without somekind of headgear?!

"Y'all are DEAD!" I roared as I started my rapid fire of rubber pellets.

'I thought we were not supposed to kill!' Came Kid Flash's thoughts into my own mind.

"Y'all would wish you were DEAD!" I fixed my line.

'... yeah that works. I think'


We tied everybody up, until a guy from team red-cloak started to speak up in an angry tone in a language I couldn't understand. I sighed. Since none of us were users of magic, we didn't know if he was threatening us, taunting us, or chanting some mystic voodoo thingy that could kill all of us.

So, to make things sure, I punched him and knocked him out.

"Oi, buddy" I called out to Bane. "Yes you with that ridiculous mask"

The bulky man's head lifted up to glare me hard in the eye.

"Do you know what he was blabbering about?"

"How are you sure that I know what he speaks?" Asked Bane with a smirk.

"Your expression gives it all away" I deadpanned. "Seriously, people wear a mask to cover up their face, but I've never seen anybody wearing one with such distinctive features showing up"

Bane scowled and spat at me and the glob of spit hit Sasha. Superboy's eyes widened, knowing how much I cared for my gun. After all, I punished him with a bucket full of magma the day after he put a dent into Sasha. Let's just say that Megan got a good look at every feature of Superboy.

"... I'll remember that" I spoke as I made the motion of 'I'll be watching you' with my two fingers.

"Anyways, gentlemen and lady" I said politely as possible. "Do we have any idea who these nutjobs are?"

"They are Kobra…" Muttered Robin. "And they have taken over the Venom factory… but why?"

"Guess they're using it to enhance their own cultists?" I said, not having much ideas.

"No theory is for sure until we take a look at it ourselves. We're not leaving until I know why"

"Until you know why?" Spoke Kid Flash angrily.

"This team needs a leader" Bit back Robin, and I chose that time to intervene.

"Birdy has a great point" I said. "I nominate Aqualad for team leader"

"Wh-what?!" Yelled Robin, clearly not expecting this outcome.

"Why are you so surprised?" I said with a grin. "Did you expect yourself to obtain that position? After you ditched us multiple times, didn't strategize, yada yada yada, you might have the most experience but that experience is being Batman's wingman, pun intended. So suck it up birdy"

Robin tried to formulate words, but failed miserably as his head faced the ground like a poor little puppy.

"I don't have a problem with Aqualad being team leader" Spoke Miss Martian adding her thoughts.

"Doesn't seem like a bad idea" Nodded Superboy.

"Are you… sure about this?" Spoke the Atlantean carefully. "I might not be prepared to take such a position…"

"Which is why I am voting for you to become one. You aren't some kind of hot-headed teenager who thinks being a leader is for the cool kids. You understand that being a leader is a fucking burden that most intelligent people would turn down and to me that's good, because I will know that you'll try your best to keep us alive and complete the mission"

"... thank you Comedian" Spoke Aqualad with a grim nod. "You're second-in-charge"

"... wut?" I said, struck by his sudden announcement. "Hey! Never in my life have I wanted to be in charge of a person's life!"

"Too bad Comedian" Spoke the bald cunt with a shit eating grin that I had no idea he could pull it off. "You were the most suitable member of this team"

"... fuck"


Bane decided to help us out and of course I'm not buying that shit and I made it clear.

"I don't know much of Spanish Bane, but I at least took 8th grade Spanish so… '¿Donde esta la biblioteca?', which literally translates to… I don't forgive backstabbers, drug fucker"

"... first of all, you got the accent wrong. Second of all, that does n—"

"Zip it Tom Hardy!"

"Okay… okay…" I whispered. "Our advantage: they don't know we're here. They're advantage: numbers"

"What do you suggest?" Spoke Aqualad.

"Well, let's keep it that way for now until we know exactly what they're doing. We don't want them to cause an alarm and make them find out we're here. That'll suck"

"Any theories this time?" Asked Superboy peaking at the red-robed fanatics who were moving around.

"Well… when you see them moving tons of steroids into a single location, it might be that they're planning on taking all of that and fucking off or…"

"Or…?" Said Kid Flash.

"Can't think of anything else. I mean… it's sure that they'll not be staying here for much longer… oh, birdy's back!"

Indeed he came back with Miss Martian.

"You made sure nobody saw you two?" Spoke Aqualad.

"Nobody… not even the guy behind the computers. Knocked him out with some gas" Chuckled Robin, a bit evilly. "Besides, it only took me 3 seconds to hack into the system"

"Good, what do you have?"

That's when Robin's face turned grim.

"Do you remember project Blockbuster?"

"That's… pretty hard to forget…" Grumbled Superboy rubbing his forehead.

"Umm… What exactly is project Blockbuster?" Asked Miss Martian who wasn't around during our first mission.

"Let's just say it was our first mission that involved discovering a new genre of music" Spoke Kid Flash. "... it was disturbing…"

"Might've been a good idea that he locked up his secrets…" Shuddered Superboy. "The things he thinks in his head might not be worth knowing"

"Eh, it'll probably scar you for life" I said, openly admitting. "Probably lead you to having suicidal tendencies and such"

"You know, for a guy who calls himself the Comedian, I have no idea when you're joking or not" Spoke Bane, his eyes staring at me with amusement.

"Anyways… the Kobra somehow merged the Blockbuster serum with the venom, and created a whole new serum that's even way worse than both" Said Robin a little deflated that his grand information was somewhat ruined by the team's flashbacks of their first mission except for Miss Martian who was still very confused.

"Guys!" Hushed Superboy, calling our attention. "I hear… a helicopter"

We turned our heads to the sky where, sure enough, a helicopter landed gracefully on the ground near the boxes of the cocktail. Then… a big guy with a hockey mask(?) stepped out.

"Sportsmaster…" Gasped Robin.

"... that's a… horrible name…" I gasped along as Kid Flash and Robin both slapped me behind the back of my head.

"Stop joking around!" Hissed Robin as I rubbed the back of my head. "This is serious!"

"Yeah, it got a lot serious just now" I said as I fired a tear gas at a guy who just happened to spot us. Just as he was about to say the second syllable the pellet went into his mouth, knocking out a couple of his teeth.

Maybe all of them.

"Our location has been compromised!" Yelled Aqualad and no matter how much I wanted to say 'no shit Sherlock', I was too busy firing pellet after pellet at the fanatics who started to organize and shoot us down. Well, it will be hard to organize under the mist of harmful chemical gas right?

I stand correct, but I really need to gtfo through the secret tunnel that Bane showed us.

"Come on!" Yelled Superboy as he grabbed me by the back— Hey! That hurts!

Now I was being dragged by Superboy as I ran in full speed with me in behind as my butt and legs started to get hotter by the friction caused by the ground.

Then again, the position is kind of comfortable to shoot at the pursuers.

"Superboy! Break the support beams!"

Then, with a grunt the big guy easily punched down a support beam, letting all the earth fall behind him.

Some of them nearly landed on my dick.

Is this guy doing this on purpose?

Finally, we made it to the end of the cave, and I had trouble getting up. Thankfully, Miss Martian and Superboy helped me get back to my feet.

"..."

Then, without a warning, I pumped Sasha, and blew Bane's wrist off.

"ARRRRGGGGGG!" Howled Bane as he clutched his bleeding stump.

"Dude!" Yelled Kid Flash, obviously not used to the sight of gore and blood. "What the fuck?!"

"Y'all can thank me later" I said lazily as I walked over to Bane as the rest of the team backed away from me in fear and anticipation. Then, when I came to him, I gave him a piece of cloth, which happened to be… a thong?

"... this is not what it looks like" I clarified. "I think this belonged to Roxanne… or not. Don't remember"

Then, I tossed them to Bane.

"Use this to stop the bleeding. Oh, and next time you try and stab us in the back, make sure you keep your intentions hidden and your body language smooth"

Growling, Bane took the cloth and wrapped it around his forearm. He knew that there was no way he could defeat all of us. Not when he didn't have his best weapon against Superman's clone. Then, I fished around his pockets and…

"Bingo!" I cackled as I pulled out a detonator. "Mmmhmmm. I love it when I'm right"

"A… detonator?" Asked Aqualad, being the first one to get out of shock. "But… for what?"

"Uh… are you guys blind?" I asked as I pointed above their heads. They all looked above and gasped as several bombs were attached.

"Those bombs surely would've killed us. Probably not Kid and definitely not Superboy. Miss Martian would've died too thanks to the fire caused by the explosion and the rest of us would probably suffocate or be squashed to death"

"... like we said, he's very good at perceiving things" Said Kid Flash to Miss Martian.

"You can get into her pants later Kid" I said with a smile. "Meanwhile, let's get that helicopter down to earth"


"So… you think you're a God…?" I asked cautiously. "I mean… if you really are one, I would hate to be on your bad side"

"You cur!" Spat the punk bitch as blood dribbled from her head. "You will show respect to—"

"I SAID SHUT THE HELL UP!" I screamed as my knuckled fist broke her nose, then bruised her right eye, then I threw her away, and then I growled at the man.

"God…? A God you say? You know nothing… NOTHING ABOUT THAT FUCKER WHO SITS IN ITS COMFORTABLE CHAIR WHILE I'M HERE, DOWN HERE, BUSTING MY BALLS FOR THE FUCKER'S ENTERTAINMENT AND FOR ITS AUDIENCE!"

The so-called God blinked, not expecting such an outburst.

"God is cruel as shit and evil… what you're doing is just a fraction of what it can do… and that's the fucking joke man… That's the fucking joke…" I said sobbing. "And you have the nerve to call yourself a God… jeezes… Mother forgive me…"

"Uh… are you crying?" Asked Robin baffled. I simply bawled and grabbed the birdy by his cape and dragged him away from Kobra. "H-hey! The enemy is that way…!"

I didn't reply to his words, but instead I stopped jogging and I stopped crying, and said one word.

"Exactly"

Then with an explosion, Kobra was forced to move forward from the blast that made his red robes catch on fire.

"Argg… insects…" He spoke with annoyance.

That was when Robin and I attacked Kobra. The outcome: it wasn't so good.

Robin might have gotten a good kick in Kobra's ribs, but that was just because he was slightly dazed from the explosion I had set up from the very beginning. The next was an epic failure of the two of us as Kobra would maneuver his body to make sure that he was only fighting against one person and not two. I could already feel a bruise in my left cheek and my wisdom tooth was wobbling a bit.

Wonder Boy, or Boy Wonder wasn't doing much better. He was panting already and was in bad shape.

"I told you to get rid of that stupid cape…" I groaned.

"It's not stupid!" He yelled back. "*sigh* Ready for round two?"

"Do we even have a choice?" I asked, indicating Kobra who was walking towards us with a sinister and murderous aura.

"No. No we don't" Groaned Robin. And thus we jumped into a boss battle where we couldn't even handle phase 1.

Why does this fighting sequence remind me of fucking Dark fucking Souls?


Batman looks pissed.

Well, to be fair, he always looks pissed.

"Blah, blah, blah, evaluation… blah, blah, blah, reports… blah, blah, blah…"

I missed a whole lot, but think the whole speech was 'good job' in a nutshell.

He left.

"Oh I remember now!" I cried as I snapped my fingers. "It was Wally!"

Kid Flash did a double take.

"Wh-what do you mean it's 'Wally'?"

"That thong in my pocket" I said smiling wide. "It belonged to Wally. We shared a bed two days ago!"

"That… strangely sounds like a boy's name…" Murmured Kid Flash as the others began to giggle, except for Robin who was cackling.

"He is," I said. "Well… he did prefer his pronouns to be she, her, and hers so I guess I should respect that…"

Everybody stopped laughing and stared at me as if I grew another head.

"What?" I said, shrugging my shoulders. "He had a great ass… oh right, 'she'. Transgenders… so confusing…"

Kid Flash's mouth was dropped open, Robin's jaw was reaching the floor, Superboy looked disgusted, Aqualad looked uneasy, and… Miss Martian was simply blinking in confusion.

'... did I leave the stove on?'