This one-shot follows on from Ch20 The Doorbell, although it is not a direct "Part 2". I've been working on this chapter for a while and had it swimming round my head for even longer. In some ways it's the pivotal moment in this relationship. Therefore, it is very angsty and contains some swearing. I hope you enjoy.

Cabina Di Confessione

Probably, she should have made him sleep on the floor. He'd expected her to, judging by his nervous glances once he re-entered the bedroom from the bathroom, dressed in his pyjamas. They'd got home from her parents and he'd had a bath. He likes long baths. Tonks had listened at the bathroom door, imagining what it would be like to push it open, take her clothes off and climb in with him. She'd snuggle up against his chest and stroke his wet hands and arms. And then she'd shove his head underwater. How dare he disappear in the night? How dare he leave her a hastily scrawled note and nothing else? How dare he do it all at her parents' house days after they were tortured? How dare he get cold feet three weeks after they were married? How dare he abandon their baby? Wastrel. Deadbeat dad.

But Remus had had twelve years of cold and uncomfortable sleep on narrow beds, squeaky sofas and, a few times, hard floors. Plus all the mornings after the full moon when he'd woken up naked and muddy in a forest. Tonks often contemplates how many nights Remus must have spent shivering and stiff, and no way in hell was she going to add another one. She muses on that as she wakes up the following morning, rolls out of bed and yanks an old Quidditch jumper on over her pyjamas. Remus is curled up on the far side of the bed. Usually he wriggles and twitches in his sleep, but last night he'd barely moved. He's taken as little of the duvet as possible, probably assuming that he doesn't deserve it. Tonks wants to lean over to touch him, although she isn't sure if she wants to gently run her fingers through his hair and down his cheek, or if she wants to smash his face into the pillow. Tonks sighs, knowing that realistically she isn't going to do either.

She makes herself a cup of coffee in the kitchen and drinks it on the living room sofa, gazing out of the window at the rain. Remus is home- that's good. He's safe and she can protect him, and if anything happens they'll fight together. He said he'd come for home good, though it's hard to believe that now. What with the whole Death-Eater-takeover, unable-to-return-to-work development, Tonks has had a lot of time over the last few days to think. She knows that Mum's got it into her head that their whole relationship has been a long con by Remus, but that's far-fetched. It just isn't true. But it's also true that Tonks' husband isn't quite the guy she thought he was. She thought that integrity and resilience and loyalty run through Remus like a stick of rock, but they don't. Tonks thought that he was a good, kind person underneath the fear and self-loathing, but in reality there's no "underneath". Remus' self-loathing and fear are twisted in with his goodness and his kindness. His self-loathing isn't the tragic, sympathetic thing Tonks thought it was- it makes him rash and selfish

But, curling up on the sofa and sipping her coffee, Tonks can admit that it is, very slightly, her responsibility. Remus bailed on her before, so she should have known he could do it again. He's never explained why he left her last year. He apologised, but it was mixed in with agreeing to marry her. He didn't elaborate on the apology, and when he added that he loved her she'd lapped it up. She didn't question him or tell him to calm down or demand what had brought about this change of heart. She'd been too blindsided and overjoyed to wonder about any of that. Now, Tonks could kick herself.

There's a scuff as the door to the living room opens, and he's there in his scruffy pyjamas holding out two cups of tea. Remus notices that Tonks is holding a mug already, and instead of chuckling like he normally would he makes an odd sort of cough and puts one mug down on the corner of the coffee table.

He clears his throat and rasps, "I know I'm not in a position to ask anything of you, but when you're ready, do you reckon we could have a talk? Please,"

Tonks isn't sure whether or not she expected this so soon.

"Alright," she murmurs.

His eyes cast around the room, and she's taken back to being beside Bill's hospital bed a few weeks ago, clutching Remus' jacket and promising him she didn't care that he was a werewolf, while his eyes looked everywhere apart from her.

"Go on," Tonks prompts, "You're the one who wants to talk,"

Remus clears his throat and looks back at her. "I want to say again how sorry I am. I am so sorry, Dora. I don't expect you to forgive me but I thought I could explain why I-"

He's using his Professor Voice again, like he's rehearsed what he's about to say, and suddenly Tonks can't hear him speak for a second longer.

"Shut up. Shut up, okay? You don't need to explain why you did it because it's bloody obvious. We don't need to 'have a talk'. You've planned this all in your head, haven't you? I said it yesterday- you've got this whole speech about how sorry you are and how it's all because you're scared and you're ashamed. All we ever talk about is you, and how miserable you are and how dangerous you are, how you're ancient and ill and how nobody should ever want to be your friend or like you or love you. It's werewolf werewolf werewolf, day and night. And if it's not that, it's the fact that you're so old, you'll been in a nursing home next week and aren't you such a paedo for fancying me. Have you ever thought about how that makes me feel?"

For a moment Remus looks as if he's going to answer this question, and Tonks doesn't want him to, because he hasn't. He's only thought about how it makes him feel. She ploughs on:

"No, of course you haven't, because you're the most self-centred person on planet Earth. You don't realise because it's all negative "I hate myself" self-obsession, but it's still an obsession, and my God is it boring. Didn't you always used to tell me that you're boring? I've said it now so I hope you're satisfied. It didn't occur to you at all that after Sirius died I might need you. I'd just been in hospital for Christ's sake, but you didn't even think about that, you only thought about yourself and the China doll version of me that you have in your head, and you ran away for a year. And it was on me to pick up the pieces, like it was this last week. It was on me to tell everybody, and it was me who everybody saw being miserable day after day. And all you thought about was it would be better for me to be away from you, it was you who was ruining my future, you were such a dreadful boyfriend, you were too poor and too dangerous. It's always you you you,"

She's shouting at him now, and crying, and before Tonks can stop herself she blurts out something she hasn't even let herself think: "I wasn't even a person, I was just a thing for you to take all your self-hatred out on. I felt used, I felt like an object. I lost weight, couldn't change my hair anymore, so even the way I looked was like an advert for you and how terrible you reckon you are. It was like I was disappearing and it was all for you,"

She feels ashamed that she let him have that power over her. That she let herself become so pathetic, reduced to someone tearful and depressed. Tonks thought she was stronger than that, and she's furious that Remus humiliated her so. She could still change her most of her face that year, and grow and shrink and age. But her hair stayed lank and stringy and brown. The thing that made her proud and special, the thing that made her herself, was gone. He took it. He stole her from herself for an entire year. Remus deserves to have her rage taken out on him, so Tonks continues berating:

"And then suddenly you're home and you won't even talk to me, you barely looked at me even though you knew how sad I was. Maybe if you'd deigned to speak to me, we could have worked it out. We could have decided to be friends. That would have been better, wouldn't it, since according to you our marriage was such a grave mistake. I wouldn't have liked it, but I could have coped with that if you'd got off your high bloody horse long enough to speak to me without arguing. But no, you decide you want to marry me at Dumbledore's fucking funeral, you knew that when you click your fingers I come running. And we sneak away to Scotland- no friends at my wedding, no party, because Merlin forbid I have anything I want, Merlin forbid our wedding is anything other than about you. What was even the point of it, you were as hopeless after as before, one minute we're happy and the next it's all doom and gloom and werewolves. I was nervous to come home. No, actually I was scared, scared about what you'd do and say and be like. There you are. You're the kind of man who makes his wife scared to come home to him,"

Tonks knows that'll hurt him, and leaves a pause for a moment to let it sink in. She's bats a tear away from her face. Remus isn't crying, because he hardly ever does. Tonks used to believe he was good at controlling his emotions. He's not. He's just good at pretending he is. Good at internalising keeping the utter mess which is his emotional state.

"And we have the whole stupid performance all over again once I got pregnant, all the theatrics and running away again because not even your own baby can make you think of someone apart from yourself," Tonks snarls, "I hate how I haven't said any of this, I've barely let myself think it, to spare your feelings. I'm sick of giving up parts of myself for you, and I'm completely sick of you,"

Tonks throws herself back onto the sofa and sobs, hating him, loving him, hating that she loves him. Hating herself, hating that everything she said was true. Hating that even after all this shouting, the baby is still going to be inside her, sitting there, a physical embodiment of this mess, a physical embodiment of their love. Their love has always been a mess. That's another thing she hasn't allowed herself to acknowledge.

Eventually she pulls her hands away from her face to look over at Remus. He's sitting in the armchair watching her, looking handsome and upset and bewildered, and she wants to kick his teeth in. Tonks realises he isn't going to speak until she tells him to.

"Go on then," she snorts, "Say something,"

Remus' hands tense on the arm of the chair. "I don't know what to say. Would you like me to leave?"

She really wants to kick his teeth in. "No, I would fucking well not like you to leave. Try staying, try sticking around for once in your life and see what that's like,"

Remus considers for a long time, then says, "I didn't realise you felt all those things,"

"I don't think I did either," Tonks murmurs, exhausted. She wants to lean against him and burrow her nose into his collar, close her eyes and let all the stress and uncertainty disappear, except it's him who's causing the stress and uncertainty. If only there were two Remuses; one to be livid with and one to cuddle up with.

There's silence for a moment, and Tonks remembers again that he isn't speaking unless she lets him. Merlin, he's pathetic sometimes. "You can still explain if you want to," she sighs, because otherwise neither of them are going to say anything all day.

Slowly, Remus says, "I'm glad you've told me that I treat you that way. I will reflect on what you've said and how I can address it. There's a lot that I need to consider. It's all been so fast, and it's clear to me now that I haven't processed any of this properly. I spent a year telling myself I should stay away from you, and then I realised I shouldn't, and we were getting married and then we were having a baby. You seemed so pleased and in control and you knew you wanted to keep it. I was afraid. I'm still afraid now,"

"Why didn't you say? It was easier for you to walk away than it was for you to tell me you were scared?"

"I tried," he says in a small voice.

"I know this scares you, I know you might not reckon you're ready to be a dad, but I know we can do this," Tonks assures him, "And I want to do this, with you,"

"I'm not scared of being a parent," Remus corrects, "You're right that I never imagined being a father, but you know I like children, and it would mean a lot to me to have one of my own. That isn't what I'm scared of. I'm scared for the child. I'm sure it's going to be a werewolf, and its life will be painful and humiliating. It will be ill and it will be hated,"

He swallows, "I'm afraid that you'll be tied down with me. If we didn't have the baby you could have your career, you could travel. You could do anything. But instead you'll be stuck with me and a werewolf baby. I won't repeat what that will be like. I'm afraid of the guilt I will feel towards the child and towards you. I'm concerned that you'll grow to resent me, and you'd be right to do that. I left so I didn't have to go through the pain of watching us fall apart, and so I didn't ever have to experience you leaving me. I'm aware how selfish that is. I am sincerely sorry,"

He's tried to keep looking at her while he's been saying this, but Tonks glanced away and now tears are tracking their way down her face, not burning fury like earlier, but dribbling, sad tears of hurt and bewilderment.

"Are you saying we shouldn't have got married?" she asks, hating how brittle her voice sounds.

"Perhaps we rushed into it. Perhaps we should have gone slowly, like we did before. Molly says war makes people hurry into weddings and suchlike, doesn't she?"

But Molly, Tonks thinks indignantly, meant Bill and Fleur. Molly's always been rooting for her and Remus, she's been sweet and supportive this last year. They're different to Bill and Fleur. Remus Lupin and Fleur Delacour are about as unalike as two people can possibly be, and the circumstances are different too. Aren't they?

"And it's clear we have a lot of issues we need to address," Remus continues heavily, "We didn't even talk about children. I didn't know you wanted one so much,"

"I didn't either," Tonks admits, "But your child, this child, now…I think it could be the most incredible thing that happens to us,"

What are they fighting for if not the future? What did Mad-Eye, Dumbledore and Sirius die for if it wasn't for this?

"I know you do," Remus answers. His voice is quiet, in the way it is when what he isn't saying is louder: I know you do but I don't believe you. I know you do but you're wrong.

Many tense silences have settled over them over the last few months, but this is the tensest Tonks can remember. What the hell are they supposed to do now? What she wants to do is snap at Remus that he's wrong, but then they'll be going round in circles like they were for the couple of days after she told him about the baby. She wants to grab him by the front of his t-shirt and beg "What can I do? Please tell me what I have to do to keep you here, to make you happy, to see how amazing having the child will be. I'll do anything, just tell me what you need".

Tonks knows, though, that that will not help. When she grabbed him and made demands of him by Bill's bedside, he couldn't even look at her, let alone say anything productive. As much as he deserves her wrath, she's going to have to put pride aside and listen to him. Maybe hear things she doesn't want to hear either. That'll be hard, but she's already admitted some hard truths to herself this morning. Tonks wonders if putting her wrath on hold is being pathetic again…but she's putting it on hold to fight for their marriage and their future. She's not admitting defeat. She's not letting him off the hook. She's being strategic. And she got full marks on Planning and Strategy.

"Remus," Tonks says. She hears her voice falter, and puts on her Auror Authority tone, "You know you said there's issues we need to address. You know you said you tried to tell me you were scared?"

He nods.

"Do you want to shout at me for a bit? It feels good, honestly,"

He pushes everything down inside him, which makes it leak out as fear. He said they've got problems and, difficult as it is to want to be fair to him right now, he needs his chance to say some things back. Then they're even, and they can talk honestly about what they're going to do next.

"Could I write it down?" he requests.

"No. Shout at me. Get angry. It'll do you good,"

He needs rage, he needs to shout and break stuff and tell her exactly what he thinks of her. He needs to get everything off his chest, because it's in danger of crushing him. They'll both screech at each other for a while and then they'll work things out, come up with a new strategy, and be better in the future.

Remus sighs. "I don't like being angry with you and I don't like you being angry with me, even though you have every right to be. I don't want to put words into your mouth, but I think you do like it, don't you? The arguing,"

He closes his hands in his lap. When he speaks again his tone is softer, but still steady and clear. "That's why it's hard to tell you how I feel, because you get cross, which you have every right to do, but it means I sometimes can't finish what I want to say. I tried to apologise to you for the last year but you wouldn't let me finish. If I'd said everything I wanted to, possibly we could have had this conversation then, not now. Sometimes you don't listen either. Or we get side-tracked arguing and go off the topic. Perhaps I should try harder, and I'm sorry for that, but you don't listen sometimes, or you interrupt me or you end up shouting at me,"

Her heart's thrumming against her ribcage. This is harder than she anticipated. She wants to argue but she knows that Remus is right. The day after he said he'd marry her he'd tried to tell her he was sorry, but Tonks hadn't wanted to think about the last year. It was over now, and she didn't want to feel sad anymore. She'd wanted to move on, and she was irritated that Remus was feeling guilty. She'd been like that since, hadn't she? She'd seen his worries as grumbles, or dismissed them as irrational. No wonder Remus feels like everything happened so fast- she didn't let him have any closure. She'd wanted to get on with enjoying being back together but Remus needed to adjust and explain. She should have known that.

She should have also known how considered and accurate his observations about her them would be. Tonks feels embarrassed, and then he says something which makes her heart stop.

"I love you more than anything in the world," Remus promises, "I truly mean that. But those few weeks in May, June, it was like you thought if you shouted at me enough I'd agree to marry you,"

"God, no. Really? I would never make you- if this isn't what you want- I-" Tonks cuts herself off, feeling like she might be sick. Didn't he want to marry her? Does he think she forced him or manipulated him? No- she couldn't, she didn't, she'd never. She wouldn't do that to Remus. She'd rather never see him again than be with him because he felt like she made him marry her. He's the one who agreed to it, he's the one who, for those four days after their wedding, told her over and over how much he loved her and how proud he was to be her husband.

"This is what I want, I promise," Remus insists, "But like I said, I believe we should have given it some more thought. It's my responsibility as well, I know I'm the one who….you hadn't asked again and we hadn't spoken for a couple of weeks, I'm the one who brought it up and I'm the one who said I wanted to get married. So it's on me, too,"

He pauses, as if to reassure her of this statement, before continuing, "This whole thing with you isn't what I'm used to. I like to see myself as the kind of man who thinks my options and my actions through. I like to plan and I like to have information, but I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to us. I never have. At first that was exciting and in some ways it still is, but it frightens me too. It frightens me that there's no plan and no map, and it frightens me that loving you makes me do spontaneous things. Like marrying you, like leaving. Loving you as much as I do frightens me. Do you see now why I'm afraid about the pregnancy? Rushing into our wedding only affects us, but to rush into having a baby isn't fair on the child,"

Loving him hasn't been frightening. Tonks has been frightened for herself and frightened for Remus, but never frightened by her feelings for him. Those feelings have been intimidating and overwhelming, but never frightening. Loving him has always felt right. Bloody Merlin, he's been thinking and feeling all these different things about her and their relationship, and she never knew. Tonks thought they were on the same page, but it turns out they're not even in the same library. She feels stupid and ashamed, and then livid that she's feeling that way again because of him.

Remus clears his throat, as if to say: Point 3. "I've also been reflecting on what you said yesterday. How you thought I was perfect. I think I've been able to sense that a few times, and it makes me panic that you've got me on a pedestal and one day you'll realise that I'm not the person you keep telling me I am. I don't want to put words into your mouth, but I sometimes get the impression that you see me as a perfect person whose just got a part broken, and if you love me enough you can fix it. It isn't like that. There isn't anything to fix, and if there was that wouldn't be your responsibility,"

He clasps his hands together again and concludes, "I am sorry again for the pain I have caused you over the last two years,"

When Tonks was shouting at him a moment ago, she'd wanted to hurt his feelings him. It had all been true, but she'd wanted to sting him. Remus has hurt her over and over, but never intentionally. He didn't say any of what he just said because he wanted to upset her- he was speaking factually. That's worse.

Tonks promises herself that she's not going to cry again now. She's cried enough in front of him over the last couple of days, the last few weeks, the last two years.

"My drink's gone cold," Remus announces unexpectedly, "Would you like some?"

"What? Oh, right. Yeah," Tonks mumbles, "Tea, thanks,"

Apparently you're supposed to limit coffee intake during pregnancy. That'll be a struggle, for sure.

Remus picks up his mug, and the mug he left on the table. Tonks puts hers on the table too so that he doesn't have to touch her when he takes it. He could easily put a heating charm on the cups, but he goes to the kitchen to put the kettle on again. Tonks is sure that that's deliberate. He's giving her a moment to compose herself and work out what to say next. Because where do they go from here?

He reappears far too quickly, leaving her cup on the table for her again.

"Remus?" Tonks asks.

"Yes,"

"Yesterday you said you wanted this". He told her he was back for good and that he wanted to have this baby with her, but now he sounds unconvinced again. Remus doesn't look like he's about to run off again right now, but how can she not be afraid of that? Will she ever not be afraid? If he can marry her and promise to love and cherish her forever, and be the sweetest, most wonderful husband for a few days, and then disappear when it all got complicated- will she ever be able to trust him not to do it again? It's the same with cheaters, isn't it? Her friend Mickey has this cousin, Jared, who went out with a girl who cheated on him. She apologised over and over and insisted it was a mistake, and she stayed together with Jared. He insisted they were fine and had moved forward, but Mickey said he was always restless when his girlfriend was out. He had it in the back of her mind that she'd cheat again. Is that what it's going to be like with Remus? Should she be signing up for that kind of stress? Is that fair on the child?

"I do. I promise. I want you and I want our life together. I mean that," says Remus without hesitation.

"Even though you reckon we've rushed into this and you're afraid about having the baby?" she clarifies.

"Yes,"

Tonks could almost laugh. "You make no bloody sense, you know that?"

"I've been trying to make all this make sense, but it doesn't," Remus explains, "There's not a right or wrong choice, there's only my choice, and I choose us,"

He's not great with choices. "You promise you choose it?" Tonks insists, "You're not saying that because Harry told you or it's what your mum would want or 'cos you're scared I'll be furious if you say no?"

"Won't you?"

"Of course I will. But I don't want to be married to you if you're here out of fear or obligation,"

She's still stinging from his comment about her shouting at him enough to make him marry her. Another idea which has long been lurking, but that Tonks hadn't dare admit to herself, has now been shoved to the forefront of her mind: she is more in love with Remus than Remus is with her. It's always been her pushing for them and pursuing him. It's always been Remus who's hesitant. It's twice been him who's walked away.

The trouble is it'll always be an unknown. Tonks will never understand how he's feeling or what it's like inside his head, and she can't dig out a love-o-metre to compare how much they love each other. What good would that even do?

"I would never be with you out of fear. The being with you is what I fear," Remus explains, "It isn't obligation either. I married you because I'm in love with you,"

Once, that would have melted her heart. Now it makes her wary.

"And you're here now because you're in love with me?" Tonks presses. She knows that it should be him asking these questions: will you take me back? Can you still love me? But Mum was right yesterday- she can't put up with his flakiness forever. She can't take his word anymore. She can't trust that when Remus says he loves her, he's experiencing the same level of wonder and joy that she feels towards him.

"And because I want to have this life and this child with you, even though nothing frightens me more," he clarifies.

"You keep saying you're frightened," Tonks points out glumly. His fear outweighs his loyalty. What if it outweighs his love too?

"I should have said it a lot more," he says, which jars her. She expected him to deny it.

"I should have told you this weeks ago," Remus continues, "I know I'm not good at saying this sort of stuff, and I can't change overnight, but I can tell you now that I was scared and I am scared, and I was scared that you weren't scared,"

"I wasn't scared? Merlin, I'm fucking terrified! Look at what's happened in the world this last week, you reckon I'm not panicking about bringing a baby into this mess? Having an actual child to feed and wash and shape into a vaguely sensible person, especially when this is all going on,"

"Yes, exactly," he agrees.

"And I'm scared about you. I'm afraid you'll bail on me again, and I'll probably always be afraid of that. I'm afraid of coming home to you tomorrow. I'm afraid that you're not as invested in this relationship as I am,"

Remus does a very un-Remus-y double-take.

"It's not a shock, is it?" Tonks scoffs, "It's always been me chasing you. I know you prefer us to be private and you don't like talking about emotions and stuff. That's different, that doesn't count. I just think, in some ways, I love you more,"

Tonks was blurting it out until the last sentence, but now her face is burning. It's mortifying to admit. She feels like a kid admitting a crush on a teacher, except it feels a thousand times worse. Remus glances at her, then gazes out of the window and is still for a long and horrible moment. Tonks looks away and pinches her wrist to stop herself bursting into tears again. It's only now she's realising how dishonest they've both been over the past couple of years. This conversation is throwing into question everything about their relationship and about him. And that hurts more because she's always thought of Remus as safe and solid.

Finally, he exhales and says, "I understand why I've made you feel that way. I'm ashamed that my actions would give you that impression, and I am ashamed that I entirely understand the reasons why,"

He lets this hang in the air, then adds solemnly, "Dora, I love you very, very much,"

She pinches her wrist harder. "Hmm,"

"I did want to marry you. You didn't make me. I'm terribly in love with you, although I understand that you might struggle to believe me at the moment,"

Tonks wants to eyeball him to make him squirm, but she finds that she can't. Instead, she stares at a spot a foot over his head and grunts, "Yeah,"

"I will spend the rest of my life proving how much I love you," Remus promises.

"You said that yesterday,"

"I meant it. I'm going to be more honest about what I'm scared of and more open about how much I appreciate you. It won't happen straight away, but I promise I'm going to try,"

Suddenly he seems decisive and in-control: it's as if he's in Professor Mode. It's jarring, and Tonks wonders if she should tell him to put a sock in it because it's her who should be calling the shots. But he sounds like he's trying to fix himself, and isn't that what she should want? Tempting as it is to launch into another tirade at him, surely it's better to work out what they're going to do next? And how, if they can, to not let this horrible week ever happen again? She's still sticking with it being almost all Remus' fault, but clearly he needs her to make changes too. They'll work together. Come up with a strategy.

"I'll listen better too," Tonks promises, "I'm going to take stuff you say more seriously, and I'm going to interrupt you less. I need you to call me out on that one, yeah?"

Remus nods, and asks, "Can I write this down?"

"If you want,"

He produces a notebook and pen from his pocket and flicks to a blank page. Tonks could almost laugh- even in his pyjamas, he's still ready to take notes at any moment. He's one of the most bizarre people she has ever met, and Tonks feels love flutter inside her chest. Then she feels embarrassed by it.

Remus scribbles a couple of sentences down, then looks expectantly back at her.

"It's your turn, isn't it?" Tonks points out uneasily.

"I'm going to commit to having this baby with you no matter what," Remus announces after a moment's hesitation, "I'll take care of you, and I'll deal with everything werewolf: places we can move to, keeping us hidden, caring for it afterwards,"

Merlin's sake, the werewolf-baby fear again. Tonks wants to snap at him, but she stops herself. She's laid into him about that already, and now's the time to be productive, not provoked. This thought gives her another idea: "I'll try not to get pissed off at you. I won't get cross if you tell me to shut up or if you tell me you're scared of something, or even when you go all self-loathing,"

"But you can mention it to me. I want to know when I'm making you angry or upset," Remus insists.

"Alright, I'll tell you. Nicely. Can I give you one now?" Tonks asks, and when he nods she continues, "Be less scared that I'm going to give up on you. Don't pussyfoot around stuff because you're scared I'll leave you 'cos of it,"

"Right,"

"Because I just told you everything awful about you, and I'm still here," she pushes.

"I know,"

"So. Bear that in mind. Okay, you choose one for me now,"

Remus contemplates this. Then he grimaces. Then, he says, "I need you to stop telling me how great I am. I know you said you were done believing I'm perfect, so maybe that's an easy one. I told you it makes me panic, and like I said I'd much prefer it if you tell me when I make you confused or cross,"

He's right. She told him yesterday that she's done thinking he's perfect. As Tonks thinks this, she notes that there's a sense of relief. She smiles.

"Do you have any more ideas for either of us?" Remus asks. He seems perplexed by her grin, and Tonks wipes it from her face hurriedly.

"Nah. That's enough to be going on with,"

"Yes. I agree,"

"Well, then. Good work," she mumbles.

"I love you," Remus blurts. Tonks could roll her eyes, because he doesn't often just come out with it like that and it's blatant that he's trying to reassure her after what she said about loving him more than he loves her. She doesn't want him to say it to reassure her.

"You don't have to say it because of what I said," Tonks mutters. She knows that he knows that this isn't something that he can convince her of instantly.

"I know. I'm not saying it to get back in your good books either, because it'll be a long time until I'm there. I'm saying it because it's true," Remus insists. He looks her in the eye and his gaze is determined, almost challenging.

"I love you too," Tonks sighs, because she does. Although at this moment, part of her wishes she wasn't.

Remus puts his notebook and pen back in his pocket. In a film, Tonks reckons, this is the moment where they'd snog passionately and dash back to the bedroom, or run outside into perfect sunlight and birdsong. Neither of those happens. Instead, there is a heavy, tense silence, until one of them insists on making yet another cup of tea.


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