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Shopworn Carpet

It was rude to apparate into somebody's bedroom. Tonks did it anyway. CRACK- and she was standing on the shopworn carpet in Remus' tiny, tidy bedroom. A black suitcase (not his usual initialled one, Tonks noted) was open on the bed, half-filled with clothes. Remus was standing behind it, and wheeled round as Tonks appeared.

"Is it true?" she demanded before he could have the first word.

"Tonks, what are y-"

"Tell me if it's true! That you're going away,"

"Yes," his voice was oddly cool and his eyes didn't meet hers, "It's true,"

"To live with werewolves," Tonks probed. He nodded again. Tonks heard herself moan.

"Who told you?" Remus asked.

"Kingsley, just now. He says you've offered to spy on them for Dumbledore,"

"Dumbledore's concerned that Voldemort has recruited Greyback, and that might lead to a Death Eater pack. The Ministry's laws haven't helped keep the werewolves onside," Remus explained. His tone was almost indifferent. Tonks knew she sounded hysterical in comparison but she didn't care. How could he be leaving, and leaving for there and them? How could he be folding his shirts while telling her this with such finality?

"Where are you going?" she pressed.

"North. Greyback leads a pack just outside Keswick,"

"And you've rung up the werewolf hotline, have you? Dumbledore's set you up with a penpal and now you're going for tea?"

"Dor- Tonks," he whispered, "I think you should go,"

"No. Tell me where exactly you're going and what you're doing. Dumbledore's not sending you on your own, is he?"

"I won't be alone, I'll be with them,"

"'Them' being Death Eater werewolves?"

"I'll be alright. They're like me, remember,"

Tonks leapt over the bed and yanked his collar, "You. Are nothing like them," she hissed. May-Eye had told her how Greyback relishes the full moon, sneaks into cottages to bite the children, or kill them if he fancies it. Young women are his other favourite, and after he's finished amusing himself with them they're usually too bruised and shaken to realise that they've been bitten as well. Greyback hates wizards and believes that werewolves can one day take over, although now it seems he's willing to compromise on authority if Voldemort does the legwork. How could Remus; sweet, unassuming Remus, be anything like him? Ginny's told her how he went out of his way to help Harry and be kind to Ginny and Neville during the year he taught at Hogwarts. He dreads the full moon, he bears no grudge against Snape for revealing his secret to the school, he was so gentle when he and Tonks made love, he risks his security every day being part of the Order. Greyback is the animal and Remus is the man, even if they both transform every month.

"Merlin," she breathed, hands loosening on his shirt as a thought hit her, "He bit you". He'd told her about it once, before they were together. They'd been sitting on the back porch at Grimmauld Place and Remus had explained how his father offended Greyback and what had happened after. His voice had been steady with no hint of trauma.

"He'll kill you," Tonks choked out.

"Don't be overdramatic. It was thirty years ago, he won't remember. Greyback's bitten countless children since then and I doubt he keeps a record. Anyway, I'll be assuming a fake identity". Remus' voice was dismissive, almost scoffing.

"It'll all be fine then," she snarled.

"And if he does recognise me I imagine he'll be proud, he'll welcome me as his prodigal son,"

"Do you hate him?" Tonks heard herself ask.

"More than anybody on this Earth," he breathed. He paused, then asked, "Will you go now, please?"

"Tell me when you're leaving,"

"Friday morning,"

"I suppose you won't be writing,"

"Only to Dumbledore,"

"Right". She didn't ask when he was expecting to be back. Tonks prepared herself to say goodbye and disapparate, but before she could she heard herself blurt, "Is this about us?"

"I might be able to send word to Kingsley sometimes, I don't kn-" Remus continued quickly, as if she'd interrupted him.

Tonks eyeballed him. "Answer the question," she demanded darkly.

He fixed his gaze to a spot a foot above her head. "I don't know,"

"Liar,"

"Dumbledore needs a-"

"You're running away from us," Tonks accused, "What, you hope you'll forget about me? That's going to be Greyback's influence on you? Or d'you reckon you're setting me free, buggering off to let me fall in love with Bill or Mundungus or somebody? That's what you hope? Well I won't, you know. It's you, it's always going to be you,"

She was shaking with rage; she hated his sanctimoniousness, his cowardliness, his I-know-what's-best-for-you-little-girl pomposity. She hated the way he was standing there in his scruffy trousers and frayed shirt, looking sorry and scared and gorgeous, Merlin he's the most beautiful man on the planet, inside and out, and Tonks hadn't been his close to him for weeks, and before she could think she'd grabbed his collar again and was pulling him in because they needed to be kissing, she needed-

His hands on her shoulders were firm.

"Dora," he said, finally looking her in the eye as he pushed her back down. His own green-brown pair were pained, "Please don't".

She wanted to melt into his ugly carpet. She wanted to haul Harry's invisibility cloak over herself. She wanted the twins' whole stash of Peruvian Instant Darkness powder to go off. Anything to stop Remus seeing her stupid, blushing face and the tears springing in her eyes. Anything so she didn't have to see his expression, so dejectedly firm. So regretful and resigned. So sad.

This was bonkers. Her love for this impossible man had driven her mad. Before Tonks could think of anything else she realised that Remus' hands were still on her shoulders and suddenly she couldn't bear for him to be touching her for a moment longer. She shook him off roughly and backed away. She had to get out of there before she humiliated herself again, before she tortured them both further. He was going to make her miserable by going away but this was making things worse. She should have left when he'd asked her to, she should never have come at all. He'd split up with her weeks ago so why did she think she had any right to-

Thump.

In her haste to get away from him, Tonks tripped over the bed's leg and fell sprawling onto the floor. Remus didn't move to help her up. She lay there for a moment looking at his forlorn figure which was about to become so much more lost and lonely. Merlin, she loved him. The feeling suffocated her for a moment, and then Tonks had scrambled to her feet, grabbed her wand and stared at him as she whispered, "Expecto patronum,"

The flicker of insane love was the only reason she could summon it properly. A silver mist spurted from the end of Tonks' wand, floated shapelessly in mid-air for a moment, then morphed into its animal shape. She closed her eyes and disapparated.

Remus knew what the patronus was before it had fully formed. He'd seen his own translucent silver version of the same animal many times. He buried his head in his hands, as the silver wolf ambled slowly towards him.


Thanks for your time. This chapter was a bit of a labour of love and I'm not sure that the tenses were always correct. Reviews appreciated, have a great day.