Ruining Disney Forever: Jade, Tori, Cat, Sam

Jade , Cat , Tori , Sam are sitting on Cat's couch once again watching Disney movies.

" Cat baby can we not watch Disney movies tonight" Sam begged her girlfriend

" But it's like a tradition for Tori , Jade , and I and now that we're together I want to include you too" Cat said

" Cat we're fucking seniors in college it's time for a new tradition" Jade said

" If we break the tradition Jade we won't be able to play Ruining Disney" Cat said

" What's Ruining Disney?" Sam asked

" It's a game we made up back in 10th grade one day when Cat had us over for a Disney movie marathon we give Jade 3 Disney's movies and she tells us what's wrong with them because she thinks Disney movies are fucked up" Tori said

" Because they are" Jade said

" No argument there" Sam said

" Sammy not you too" Cat said with a pout

" I'm sorry babe but Disney movies are fucked up take The Hunch Back of Notre Dame that bastard Frollo killed Quasimodo's mother ,gave him a fucked up name, and locked him away from the world in a bell tower so he can ring that big ass bell and the poor bastard's only friends are some gargoyle statues who are absolutely nuts and persuade him to go to the festival of fools where he meets that hot ass gypsy girl Esmeralda who he falls in love with but she ends up with that idiot Phoebus but anyway he goes to the festival of fools and he gets crowned king but when the people realize his mask is actually his face they tie him up and throw shit at him and Frollo his supposed father let's them do it because he told the little shit that the world was not accepting probably the only good thing he told him but then Frollo falls in lust with the gypsy chick and begs the Virgin Mary to forgive him and shit so he won't burn for all eternity so then he goes after all the gypsies looking for Esmeralda burning up houses and shit so Quasi helps them get to the court of miracles and starts a big ass war with is father which ends with Phoebus getting shot in the arm and eventually Frollo falling off the tower into molten lead Quasimodo becomes a hero and Phoebus and Esmeralda end up all in love and shit and Quasi although a hero is still ugly and alone the end" Sam says

Tori chokes back a laugh and Cat looks at her girlfriend as if she's gone mad

" Hahahahaha damn Sam's even more fucked than I am" Jade said

" Alright Alright what's next?" Cat asked

" Alice in Wonderland" Tori said

" That's all you Jade" Sam says

" Alright I got this Alice was bored listening to her sister read one day and decided to go by the riverbend and knowing her she probably fucked around and drunk the river water and start hallucinating and that's what made her start seeing the white rabbit whose always fucking late to everything and follow him down a rabbit hole where she comes to this door and finds this bottle that says drink me not even bothering to ask questions and drinks the shit so she shrinks and enters the door and that's when everything gets weird and she starts chasing the white rabbit and ends up talking to this Caterpillar whose obviously smoking pot out that hookah pipe because he's all unbothered and shit then she meets the Cheshire Cat whose always smiling and taking his fucking head off. She fucks up the white rabbits house and meets the mad hatter and the mad hare who are obviously on cocaine and they keep drinking this fucking tea that's probably got that hemp shit that had Robbie itching that one time because that poor mouse in that teapot is through with life so her whole little fucked up adventure leads her to the queen of hearts and I dont exactly remember what Alice did to piss her off but she was trying to cut her fucking head off long story short she escaped and went home and she's probably bat shit crazy so moral of the story is don't drink river water and chase white rabbits you'll end up pissing off a fat Queen who turns red and wants to cut your fucking head off" Jade said

Sam and Tori fell out laughing and Cat shook her head.

" You're really going to marry her huh Tori ?" Cat asked

" Hey what can I say I'm addicted to crazy" Tori said making Cat smirk

" Alright God I'm afraid to even give you guys the next movie but The Lion King" Cat said

" We can both do this one Jade" Sam says

" But we can't go too hard it's my love's favorite Disney movie and I plan on getting some later" Jade said making Tori slap her shoulder and Cat and Sam laugh

" Alrighty then The Lion King is basically like Cain and Abel in the bible Mufasa is the king and Scar is the jealous brother who wants to be loved and worshipped like his brother" Sam says

" Yea so Scar lives in his big brother's shadow and he's sick of it and then he's really pissed because now Mufasa has a son who is the next king after Mufasa dies so now he has to hatch a plan to get rid of them both so he plots with a bunch of idiot hyenas to kill Mufasa and Simba which kind of works because Mufasa dies but Simba lives because the Hyenas fail to kill him so he ends up on a deserted island where he meets Timon and Pumbaa who teaches him Hakuna Matata which means no worries in wherever the fuck they're from so Simba basically forgets his father and everything he's supposed to stand for and lives a care free life not knowing his evil uncle has ruined the pride lands" Jade said

" So now his childhood bestfriend Nala goes on a hunt to find food and she finds Timon and Pumbaa who are aimlessly singing the lions sleep tonight of all fucking things and she chases them through the jungle and fights with Simba until she pins him and he realizes who she is before he reveals himself to her and now they're all buddy buddy and she starts asking him questions like where the fuck have you been all this time they end up falling for each other and then she tells him that he basically needs to get off his ass and be the king he's supposed to be and of course Simba is like fuck that I'm not doing that and runs away only to run into Rafiki the crazy ass red butt baboon who hits him over the head with his staff and tells him he's the son of Mufasa and drags him to a lagoon and tells him that his father lives in his heart and then Mufasa's pops up in the clouds and scares the fuck out of his son and tells him to remember who he is and take his place in the circle of life" Sam says

" Then after that Simba realizes what he has to do and goes back to pride rock and is met by Timon, Pumbaa, and Nala . Simba looks around his home like what the fuck until he hears his uncle Scar call his mother who tries to tell the evil prick that there's no food and water and that they should move on but of course the son of bitch says no and that they have to try harder then Simba's mother makes a comment about her late husband and pisses Scar off so bad that he hits her and that's when Simba springs into action to challenge his uncle who after all these years realizes that it's his nephew who was supposedly killed by the hyenas. Scar then tries to manipulate Simba into thinking that Mufasa's death was still his fault but Simba sees past and fights his uncle who eventually puts him in the same scenario of how his father was killed and tells him that he killed his dad then Simba flies up and pins Scar calling him a murderer and all that Jazz and makes him tell the pride what he did but blamed it on the Hyenas who get pissed off Simba fights Scar again tossing into a pit where he gets eaten by the hyenas. Simba then takes his place as king growls and eventually everything goes back to normal leading to part two Simba's Pride because him and Nala have a daughter." Jade said

" Hey Jade you know what I've always been confused by Simba's Pride because isn't Kovu Scar's son because if that's the case him and Kiara are cousins and that's incest" Sam said

Tori started laughing while Cat placed her head in her palms

" No from my understanding he was handpicked by Scar he wasn't his son Nuka was his son and I think Vitaloni was his daughter but Scar knew something wrong with Nuka that's why he wasn't chosen" Jade said

" That's it I've had it the tradition is officially broken I never wanna hear anything about another disney movie as long as I live" Cat said

" So same time next year?" Jade asked

" Yea I'll make the popcorn" Cat said as she descended into her room

The other three girls laughed and shook their heads.