Data

He said that he wanted them to look inconspicuous, so he wasn't surprised when Tonks turned up in yellow tights, a purple dragon-skin jacket, a skirt so short he wasn't sure why she'd bothered to put it on at all, and neon-turquoise hair.

"Wotcher, Remus,"

But he couldn't pretend to not be pleased to see her. "Hello,"

She stepped out of his fireplace, flicked ash off her shoulder, and stamped a wet kiss on his cheek.

"You ready?" she asked, rubbing her thumb over where her mouth had touched his skin (it had taken Remus few weeks to realise that when she did that she was wiping off the lipstick she'd just smudged onto his face. Sometimes he had to laugh about how little he knew about having a girlfriend).

"Yes," he nodded, looking Tonks up and down. There wasn't a chance they were going to get into any pub without people looking at her. Which, Remus thought wearily, was what she wanted. Tonks always wanted to be noticed. He wanted to be overlooked.

"But…" he added, tailing off.

"Oh right, my face. What do you want me to look like?" she chirped. When he agreed to go out with her (he didn't like the word "date") he made her promise that she'd go wearing another face. Someone more his age, he'd suggested, so they could pretend she was his sister. Although it wasn't going to work since Tonks hadn't deigned to dress accordingly.

"Anything not like yourself," Remus suggested half-heartedly.

"Come on, be more specific. Was there at a girl at school who you'd want everybody to know you've landed?"

Remus sat down on one of his rickety armchairs. "No,"

"You can tell me, I don't mind," Tonks shrugged.

"There were no girls at school," he told her stiffly.

She grinned her wicked grin. "That's not what Sirius told me,"

Remus sighed. "Yes, and he probably added that any girl who appeared interested in me was in fact using me to get closer to him,"

"Aaw, poor Moony, surrounded by girls who wanted to go to third base with you. Just what every teenage boy dreads,"

He knew she was teasing him but he wasn't sure what she meant. That happened a lot. "Third what?"

"Base. It's an American Muggle thing, it means- actually, never mind. You and me have barely got to second,"

She rolled her eyes and screwed up her face. The red hair darkened and curled, and her cheeks filled out. The twins and Ron were fixated on the process and fluidity of her morphs, and liked to watch her change. That had always struck Remus as voyeuristic, but unsurprisingly Tonks didn't mind.

When she finished her straining and wincing, the woman looking back at Remus had curly brown hair, brown eyes and freckles. She looked about Remus' age, which meant she looked younger than he did.

"How's this?" she asked. Her voice was different too.

"It looks rather bizarre with the yellow tights," Remus pointed out.

"We're going to Camden. Nobody'll notice,"

He must have looked uncomfortable because Tonks added gently, "Thank you for doing this for me. It'll be fine, yeah?"

He'd been trying to convince himself of that for the past few days. Nobody had batted an eyelid when he and Tonks taken the kids back to school together on the Knight Bus. Today they'd be going to a busy Muggle place on a Saturday night and she wasn't wearing her usual face. Even if somebody recognised him, they won't know who he was with. Besides, going out with her would add to the illusion that he was a decent boyfriend (Tonks could see through that obviously, but Remus knew that the effort was what mattered to her), they could do something new together, and they'd have fun. He always had fun with her.

"I know," Remus muttered. He stood up, picked his jacket up from where it'd been hanging on the back of the armchair and shrugged it on, checked that his wallet was in the pocket, and held his hand out to Tonks so they could disapparate together. And when they did he was smiling.


Number three. Remus watched Tonks' eyes flick over to the stocky blond-haired man in the jeans and green jacket walking by on their left. He was the third handsome young Muggle man they'd passed on the street who she'd been distracted by. Her glances were only momentary, but they were moments longer than one usually looked at a passer-by. Remus had never considered himself a jealous person, and it wasn't jealousy or resentment he was feeling towards the boys his girlfriend was double-taking at. It was resignation. Of course she was looking at them. Why wouldn't she be? They were normal, good-looking men. They were her age and probably had sensible jobs and actual friends and some promise of a future. They'd do important or interesting things with their lives. They were the sort of men she could introduce to her friends because her friends would actually like them. They were men who were happy, or who would be in the future, and who would be fulfilled and successful like she would be. Men like her. Men, Remus thought wearily, not like him.


He let Tonks choose where they went for a drink. She needled him to decide but Remus kept muttering that he wasn't sure.

"This is more your field than mine," he insisted.

Tonks rolled her eyes and they'd ended up in a little bar decked out like a 1920s speakeasy.

"Look, Remus, old stuff. You like that," she'd said. Usually she was touchy when he called himself old, so he knew when she said that that she was irritated with him, and was sniping at him beyond her usual friendly teasing. Remus couldn't entirely blame her. He knew he was being timid and indecisive, but this expedition was starting to feel like a bad idea. Despite his repeated mental mantra of it's fine it's fine, being in public with Tonks was making Remus feel exposed. He kept imagining the sinking in his stomach when he realised that somebody had recognised him, and then guilt for the fiasco Tonks would find herself in afterwards. Remus' initial notoriety after resigning from Hogwarts two years ago had died down after a couple of months, and there had only been a handful of unpleasant encounters in Diagon Alley. But a few weeks ago that damn article mentioning him in relation to the centaurs had been published, and the scandal had leaked back into public consciousness. If someone who knew Tonks from the Ministry saw them together and realised it was her, they'd ask what she was doing out with a known werewolf, and surely her boss at the Auror office would get wind of it, and while being seen in public with a werewolf wasn't a sackable offence for an Auror, it wouldn't do her any favours. Every time Tonks mentioned one of her mates Remus dreaded to think what they'd say if they knew about him (perhaps she'd listen to them, see sense and end things with him. Is that what Remus was afraid of, he wondered? Selfish bastard). Not to mention the risk to the Order. Taking the kids to school on the Knight Bus had given her a degree of protection, partly because whichever side anyone who'd seen them stood on regarding Harry, they could be convinced that he needed to be accompanied by adults, either for his own protection or the safety of others. Plus, when you were travelling with Harry Potter anybody else in the vicinity was unlikely to be looking at you.

Despite Tonks wearing a different face at Remus' insistence, the fact that she was made him feel awkward. He didn't mind when she messed about with her nose or her hair her, because he could still see her usual face underneath. But this completely new face made it seem like she wasn't really Tonks. He hadn't expected to feel as uncomfortable about that as he did.

"I think I'll get a cocktail," she announced from behind the menu, "What about you?"

"Just a lager," Remus replied, taking his wallet out from his inside pocket. He'd collated all of his Muggle money the day before and had been pleased to discover that he had enough for at least a couple of drinks each. Perhaps a bit of booze was needed to cheer this date up, he thought wryly.

Tonks put her hand on his. "I'll get it," she told him.

"Thanks, but I've-"

"Remus "

"Just let me,"

"It doesn't matter, I'll-"

"I want to do something nice for you for once," he said impatiently. Merlin's beard, why was she always arguing?

"You're always nice to me," Tonks protested, "You make me food, you lend me books-"

It wasn't the same and he knew she knew it. He hated her making excuses for him. "I'm getting you a drink," he announced.

"You really don't have to,"

"I can afford a pint, you know," Remus scoffed. He was lucky to have friends who helped him out with money and places to stay. Poverty had been his lot in life for so long that Remus was hardly humiliated by it any more. But this was different. This was his girlfriend for goodness sake. He didn't need her charity.

Tonks huffed, folded her arms, thought for a moment and then said unexpectedly, "The bartender- is it a man or a woman?"

"What?"

"They're behind me, have a look,"

Unsure where this was going, Remus craned around to get a look at the bar. The man behind it was pouring a glass of wine for a young woman seated on a barstool.

"Man,"

Tonks beamed, "Wicked,"

She was without doubt the most perplexing person he had ever met. "Why?"

Tonks winked, then pulled her jacket hood up and put her hands over her face like she was a child playing hide and seek. After a few moments, she moved her hands away again. The curly-haired woman was gone and had been replaced by a very beautiful, very blonde teenage girl. Her skin was translucent, almost shiny, her eyes were huge and blue and her features were delicate. The girl bit her lip and looked up at Remus innocently.

"Can I have a martini and a pint of lager, please?" she asked in a high, brittle voice.

"Err, what are you going?" Remus asked.

"Getting us free drinks," the beautiful girl shrugged, then added in a tone which suggested Remus was being an idiot, "I'm the Delacour girl,"

"Who?"

"The Beauxbatons champion from the Tri-Wizard," Tonks elaborated.

"Oh yes. I remember,"

Remus had seen photos and followed the fortunes of the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang champions, but his focus had been on Harry and Cedric. The tournament was almost a year ago now and so much had happened since that he'd forgotten about the two non-Hogwarts competitors.

"Also known as the most stunning girl on the planet. I've been using her for a few months, mostly on Muggle guys," Tonks explained. She wriggled off her jacket, yanked her t-shirt down her chest and screwed her eyes up again. Her breasts swelled outwards.

"D'you think these are okay, or would he like bigger?" she asked.

Remus took another glance at the barman, then wondered what on Earth he was doing and looked back to Tonks. "I don't know,"

"What would you like?"

Was she honestly asking him what size breasts he'd prefer on the body of an eighteen-year-old (a nasty voice in Remus' head pointed out that eighteen was only five years younger than twenty-three)? A body which wasn't even Tonks'? A body she had in fact copied from somebody else? Stolen from someone else?

"I don't know," said Remus, sounding slightly more annoyed than he wanted to.

"Honestly Remus, are you sure you're not gay?" she scoffed.

He had no idea what to say to that. Tonks laughed and grew her breasts larger. It made Remus' skin crawl. The beautiful busty girl winked at him, flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder, stood up and sauntered over to the bar, hips swaying above willowy legs. She didn't even trip over. Remus concentrated on running his thumb into the grooves on the table so he didn't have to watch what was happening at the bar. The idea of Tonks flirting with another man didn't bother him much- he'd seen the way she looked at the Muggle boys on the street. But the fact that she was so casual about what was essentially committing identity theft did. Mostly Remus liked the way she bamboozled him and made him question everything he took for granted. But he disapproved of her being this brazen- although that was his fault, not hers. He was too old and too boring. Tonks could date plenty of men who'd reckon that her disguising herself as a beautiful French teenager was hilarious and cool.

"Free, both of them, thank you Miss Delacour," announced a voice. Remus looked up to see the blonde girl holding a pint of beer and a bright orange cocktail and wearing a smug expression which looked at home on the beautiful face.

Tonks dumped both glasses on the table and sat down, grinning. She clinked their glasses and took a long gulp of whatever was in hers. Remus watched her thoughtfully, not realising how long the silence was until she demanded suddenly, "What are you thinking about?"

They said that each other that often, and her answers were always more interesting than his. She'd be thinking about some anecdote from school, gossip from the Ministry, or a bizarre fact she'd learnt somewhere. Or she'd just say, "Buffaloes" or "Majorca" and then go back to thinking about it. Or she'd look him in the eye and say, "You".

"Nothing really," Remus muttered, sighing.

"Tell me,"

"Just…beer," he lied.

"What about it?". Remus doubted she was actually interested. She just liked asking questions.

"I used to like bitter when I was younger, now I prefer lager. Ironic," he mumbled, attempting to smile.

"My uncle's always on at my dad to give up beer. He won't do it though," Tonks rattled on.

"Hmm,"

"I told you my uncle's on this health kick now, didn't I? He doesn't eat carbs after ten in the morning or something daft like that,"

"Right,"

"And salads that are basically grass,"

"Yes,"

"And he's also a yellow elephant from Morocco named Captain Hammock,"

"Okay," Remus shrugged.

"You're not listening," Tonks retorted, her tone yanking Remus out of his thoughts.

"What?"

"You're not listening to me. What's up?"

"Nothing,"

"Are you sure?"

Remus looked at the beautiful girl uncomfortably. "Can you go back to the face you had before? It's…strange to be here with her," he asked.

"Course,"

Tonks pulled her hood up and covered her face with her hands, taking them away a few moments later to reveal the curly-haired freckly woman again.

"Better?"

"Yes. Thanks,"

"D'you know what I like about you? You'd prefer to be seen hanging out with this old lady rather than some beautiful French girl,"

"You know why that is," Remus sighed.

"Yeah, cos you're interesting,"

She said it without missing a beat, as if she actually believed it. Of all the things which befuddled Remus about his girlfriend, that was the most bamboozling. But, since he knew that one day Tonks would grow out of this madness, it was also the thing about her which was the most depressing.


"Concluding thoughts?" Tonks asked, kicking her feet up on the arm of the sofa and taking a sip of tea (she was going to spill it, he could tell).

"Was alright," Remus shrugged, dropping into the armchair.

Tonks looked at him shrewdly over the top of her mug. "You didn't like it, did you?"

Her tone was direct and there wasn't a hint of disappointment in it. If anything, that made it worse. What was he supposed to tell her? That the whole experience had given him an encyclopaedia's more proof that this relationship was unfair on her, that they weren't right for each other, that she'd lose interest him in, that he was only causing himself pain in the long-run?

"Remus?"

"I was nervous,"

"Merlin's pants, really? That wasn't obvious at all," Tonks drawled sarcastically, "Are you going to tell me you were distracted today too, because that's going to blow my mind,"

"I'm sorry," he muttered. He wasn't sure if her teasing was friendly or angry, but even if she was kidding him she was right.

"You don't deserve this," Remus added. But she'd end things with him soon anyway, so she could move on and date somebody ordinary who she could actually go out and have fun with. Remus concentrated on his mug and, silently, sipped his tea.

"You tried it at least, though," Tonks prompted gently after a long pause, "It means a lot that you'd do something like this for me,"

He sighed. "Right,"

"I mean it. Look, not to bring it up again but this is why I don't care who pays for what, because you do things. I know you're paranoid, but we tried it, didn't we?"

She put her tea down (half of it spilled on the carpet), came over to Remus and leaned on the arm of the chair.

"Alright, I don't deserve this, because you're so bloody special and I don't deserve you". She said a lot of ridiculous things, but this was surely the most. But Remus didn't want to look like he was fishing for compliments, so he shrugged and looked at his knees. Tonks caught his chin in one hand and tipped his face up to hers.

"And unless you've got any other girlfriends squirreled away somewhere, you'll have to take it from me that you're a really, really great boyfriend. Understand?"

She was so lovely, even when she said crazy things like that. Especially when she said crazy things like that.

"I understand," he lied. It was difficult not to smile when she was touching him and grinning at him and being so unrealistically sweet.

"Good," said Tonks. She dived forward for a kiss, moving her hand up to cup Remus' jaw. The fact that she wanted to kiss him still flabbergasted him. It didn't just feel good, it felt right. That rightness was shameful to admit, but it was also wonderful. Tonks pulled away, then reconsidered and leaned in again for another kiss (she couldn't stop- his mind boggled) and asked, "Better?"

She drummed her fingers on the side of Remus' face. She was grinning at him with that mischievous smile and that mad Black glint in her eye. She was so alluring, so attractive. Remus tried not to think like that too often (he knew her when she was seven, so it was creepy even before you counted the werewolf in the room) but it was difficult when she touched him and kissed him and had that look on her face.

"Why do we have to go out when we could stay in doing this?" Remus pointed out.

Tonks cocked an eyebrow sceptically. "Because you're bloody weird about this too, you moron,"

"You may have a point,"

"But you are still an amazing boyfriend, right?" she insisted, gripping his shoulder.

Remus leaned up to kiss her so he didn't have to reply, but she put a hand up to his mouth to stop him.

"Nope, you're not getting away that easy. Agree that you're an amazing boyfriend,"

"Fine," he said, rolling his eyes as he deflected the question.

Tonks twisted her fingers into the hair at the back of his neck and pulled gently. It should have hurt, but nothing hurt when she looked at him with that dreamy, teasing expression. "Say you agree,"

No. I'm a useless boyfriend. You're very sweet but you're very incorrect, and from today's events I conclude that you know that already. "Alright, I agree,"

And again, what should have felt wrong felt inexplicably right. Tonks let go of his hair, pecked his cheek and leaned into his chest. "Thank you for today," she murmured.

Remus wrapped his arms around her back and, to avoid pointing out that it was him who should be thanking her, muttered, "That's okay,"

Surely she wasn't comfortable, kneeling on the floor and with the chair's arm sticking into her stomach, but she stayed there for a while, solid against him, breathing against his neck. This extraordinary woman who threw his world upside-down every day. It would be over soon, he reminded himself. But when Tonks murmured that she had to get home, kissed him goodbye, then stood up, grabbed a handful of Floo powder and disappeared into the fire, Remus found that he was still smiling.