Pro Tip: Stop yourself getting frustrated because you're stuck at home all day by writing about Sirius getting frustrated because he's stuck at home all day.
Warning for language, werewolves, and lockdown surliness.
Strawberry Moon
Sirius sat the piano, trying to pick out the riff of Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick. In prison, he'd tried to keep sane by reciting song lyrics over and over in his head. He was still word-perfect on most of the first two Deadly Alchemist albums. Practising piano occupied time, although Sirius was disappointed to find that he'd lost his technique. He'd had natural talent as a boy, though he'd rarely bothered to practise. Nowadays he played duets with Moony, although currently Remus was lying on his back on the floor, with his head on a stack of books. The full moon was in a couple of days, so he was getting creaky. He was guessing which song Sirius was playing, and he was rubbish at it.
"Sweet Seasons?"
"No,"
"Don't Go Breaking My Heart?"
"You know I hate Elton John," Sirius scoffed.
"The Final Countdown?"
"The what?"
Remus started to hum a tune Sirius had never heard before, then cut himself off abruptly and said, "Play it again,"
Sirius realised that the song Remus had guessed must have come out when he was in prison. He grimaced.
"That song by the Warlock Warlords?" Remus suggested.
"What song?"
"The one about the flying mandrake in the sky,"
"No, it's not that,"
"I give up,"
"You're not concentrating," Sirius complained. He span around on the piano stool to look at Moony, who had his brow furrowed and his mouth twisted in concentration. Sirius was familiar with that expression, and he doubted that it was to do with working out the song.
"You've got that look on your face," Sirius told him.
"What look?"
"Where you're mulling over something that you're trying to talk yourself out of,"
Remus attempted to sit up, winced in pain, and lay back down. He breathed deeply, then croaked, "I'm thinking of asking Tonks to come on Thursday night,"
"This Thursday night?" Sirius clarified. This Thursday night was the full moon.
"Yes," said Remus, rearranging his head on Sirius' father's encyclopaedias, "I owe it to her to see what I'm like,"
"She knows what you're like," Sirius tutted.
"You know what I mean. She deserves to understand what she's got herself into,"
Sirius reckoned he deserved an Order of Merlin for not rolling his eyes. Remus' self-punishment fixation was so tedious. He didn't understand how Tonks put up with it.
With a sigh, Sirius closed the piano lid and came over to sit on the floor beside Remus' head, where he had a dispiritingly close view of how grey Moony's hair was. Mysteriously, Sirius' hair had survived thirteen years of prison unscathed. Not that his looks were any use to him now. If Remus looked like he did, Sirius pondered, would he be less skittish about Nymphadora?
"Are you trying to get her to dump you?" he asked. Sirius often wondered if Remus was only going out with Tonks because he wanted to give himself extra stuff to worry and feel guilty about.
"I'm trying to give her all the facts about me," Remus replied, dodging the question.
"You're her boyfriend, not her exam," Sirius grumbled, "She won't dump you. She's nuts about you. Merlin knows how so few of us have found out, the way the pair of you carry on. Those looks over the table, disappearing off together, not to mention that you smell of each other's deodorant half the time,"
Sirius barely bothered to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He was easily irascible these days, and his best friend copping off with his cousin was a particular source of aggravation. Sometimes Sirius would loiter outside of a room they were in together to eavesdrop and glower. He didn't know why.
"I won't make her see me if she doesn't want to, but she deserves the chance," Remus continued, in an aggravatingly dignified tone.
"You know she'll want to," Sirius retorted. Would Remus ever change the effing record? He didn't used to be like this. Moony had been world-weary and self-deprecating when they were kids, but he hadn't been this much of a drip.
Gingerly, Remus pushed himself up so he was propped on his elbows. "Will you help me?" he pleaded, "You'll have to explain it to her, and I won't have her left alone with me,"
Sirius took charge on full moon nights. He ensured Remus transformed safely, and stayed with him until the morning. It was the only useful job Sirius was allowed to do round here, and although full moons at Grimmauld were boring as sin, it felt a little like they were teenagers back Marauding at Hogwarts. Although he never told Remus that.
Last month, Sirius had let Tonks help him look after Remus in the morning, although only once Sirius had done all of the major bandaging and administering of Dittany. Sirius had anticipated Tonks being all dramatic and 'Remus, you poor dear', but she'd been surprisingly level-headed at the sight of her boyfriend sprawled in bed covered in bandages, and very efficient at giving him the rest of his medications. She knew what she'd got herself in for, and Moony wasn't half being patrionising by assuming that she didn't. He must be a crap boyfriend.
"Course I'll help, you daft sod," Sirius tutted. Poor bastard needed all the help he could get.
"Thank you,"
Sirius observed him for a moment, thinking how hopeless Remus was. Then he thought about how livid he would be if anybody else said that Remus was hopeless. Then he burst into laughter.
"What's so funny?" Moony asked. Sirius tried to answer, but the chortles bust through again.
"What?" Remus repeated, and Sirius saw that his smile was a slightly concerned one. He took a few breaths to steady himself. It was a cruel thought, but so bloody hilarious that he couldn't help it.
"If Andromeda finds out, she's going to murder us," he grinned.
Moony looked horrified, but Sirius couldn't stop laughing.
"Lover-boy sent you to me, then?"
Tonks plonked herself onto the sofa and kicked her feet up on the coffee table. "Yes,"
Sirius closed the magazine he hadn't been reading and tossed it aside theatrically. He'd been pondering what information Nymphadora needed to know about tomorrow night. It was probably a lot less than Remus expected.
He glanced over at her. "What's he told you? Skipping the parts where he got melancholy and said you didn't have to come if you didn't want to, and you told him to stuff it,"
Tonks looked surprised at this accuracy. Sirius raised an eyebrow at her.
"I knew he stays in the cellar. He told me he transforms in private. He said you'll come down to check on him, and then you can come up and get me," Tonks recited, "He said I should bring a book if I want, and then he told me to ask you for anything else,"
"I'm don't know what wisdom he imagines I can impart to you. It's not complicated," Sirius shrugged. Occasionally he and Remus knocked a football about in the cellar together, but usually Moony wanted to sleep (Sirius wasn't sure if he was actually asleep or pretending). Sirius would run the Black fortune into the ground if it meant he could keep buying Moony the Wolfsbane potion. It made full moons less traumatic, and it kept Remus safe. But running free with Sirius used to keep wolf-Remus safe, and happy and not alone. Full moons hadn't only been un-traumatic, they'd been joyful and exciting. And now, he and Moony curled up together in a dank basement for the night. Another mark on the tally of Stuff That Was Ruined By Bloody Dumbledore And By Bloody, Bloody Grimmauld Place.
"Have you ever seen a werewolf?" Sirius asked.
"No,"
"But you're an Auror!"
"Capture of Magical Beasts is another degree of qualified specialism," Tonks rattled off. Sirius hated it when she talked official and technical like that. As if she knew more than he did, as if she hadn't been a toddler five minutes ago.
"One which I doubt you're planning on going into," he drawled.
"No," Tonks conceded. Perhaps Remus had been right- she wasn't entirely informed about what she was getting into. It was time for home truths.
"What they don't tell you in the textbook is that werewolves are huge, and werewolves are ugly as sin. I know you reckon he's gorgeous, but he's revolting when he's the wolf," Sirius said bluntly.
Wolfsbane meant that, when both transformed, he and Remus were the same- a man in a canine body. But whereas Sirius' dog looked intimidating but passably normal, nothing about the wolf was normal. Everything about the wolf was vile. Sirius' dog was big, but the wolf was enormous. Anything that size could flatten a human, even without the claws and teeth. Since he was a teenager, Sirius had thought that the teeth were the worst part. They were crammed into Remus' mouth and stuck out at uneven angles, curling his lip up to expose his gums. When wolf-Remus wasn't wearing his muzzle, his tongue hung out like a flapping piece of ham. He slobbered. His fur was coarse and patchy. It was always dirty, which Sirius didn't understand because Remus always washed before a full moon. Sirius' claws were pointy, but wolf-Remus' were jagged and grimy.
"He drools, his fur's matted, he bumps into stuff even more than you do," said Sirius, "It's better to admit to yourself that it's horrible than try to find something nice about the way he looks. He knows he looks that way. You know what he's like- he's not under any illusions about how bad it is. You don't need to blather on, 'Remus, what big eyes you have'. He doesn't need people trying to be funny,"
For once, Tonks nodded instead of answering back.
"He wears a muzzle and mittens, but he gets nervous when you go anywhere near his face or his feet," Sirius continued.
"Where do you get werewolf mittens?"
"Don't know. He didn't have them when we were boys. He can't keep them on when he doesn't have his own mind. He doesn't mind if you stroke his ears or his back, but he can't help how sharp his reflexes are, so don't move suddenly," Sirius warned, "Usually I tell him what I'm going to do before I do it. Don't yank his tail or, for the love of God, anything else in that area,"
Tonks pulled a face.
"You can talk to him. If he barks once it's no, twice means yes. Though normally he prefers to snooze. Don't expect a wild evening," Sirius recommended.
"Will he be in pain?" Tonks asked, and Sirius wasn't sure if the question was cute or pathetic.
"I don't think so," he answered.
"You don't think?"
"He doesn't tell anybody that, does he? Just huffs and creaks like an asthmatic doorframe,"
Tonks nodded again. After a moment, she said, "I can see why you did it,"
"Did what?"
"Became Animagi when you were at school. You wanted to be in on it together. You joke about it all the time. You talk about Remus being a werewolf like he's ginger or he stammers or he's bad at spelling. You wanted it to be another daft thing boys tease each other about,"
Sirius deserved that not-eye-rolling Order of Merlin to be bumped up to second class. It was ridiculous for Tonks, of all people, to start attempting to analyse him. He had to stop her spending so much time with Molly Weasley.
Sirius ignored everything Tonks had said, stood up, and clapped her on the shoulder so hard that the sofa jolted.
"Fortunately for you, Nymphadora, you missed out on visits to our Granny Crabbe. Ask your Mum. Being with Remus on the full moon is like being with dear old Granny- stuck in a dark and smelly room with someone who's mostly asleep and can't control their own saliva," Sirius explained, "Except while my grandmother was prone to savage lunacy, thankfully Remus is on a potion to control that".
The underground floor at 12 Grimmauld Place was less of a basement and more of a complex of cellars. There was a wine cellar, a crypt, and a storage room which Kreacher had liked to hole himself up in. Months ago, Sirius had vanished most of the crap in the storage room to give Remus a space to stay on full moon nights (Kreacher had wept, and Sirius had growled at him to bugger off and make breakfast). It was dank and low-ceilinged, but it managed enough space, and there was no chance of any stray Order members or Weasley kids wandering down when they stayed over.
Sirius walked down the stone steps into the basement level, and then over to the storage room. He rapped on the thick wooden door. "Hello?"
Two muffled barks responded. That meant Yes. Every month, that Yes filled Sirius with relief.
"Can I come in?" he called.
Yes.
Sirius tapped the door with his wand to unlock it, and stepped inside. "Evening, Moony,"
The werewolf was skulking in the corner. He was sitting up in the position that dogs did, but the werewolf's disproportionately long legs made the position awkward. Remus' shoulder blades were sticking out sharply from his back, and his front legs stretched too far in front of him. That slick tongue was hanging out, and the wolf's wild yellow eyes were fixed on Sirius. The Wolfsbane potion didn't make them look any more human.
In truth, Sirius still found being around the werewolf as a man, not a dog, disconcerting. He hadn't been exaggerating to Tonks. Remus' wolf body was monstrous.
"Everything alright?" he inquired, business-like.
Yes, repeated the werewolf, spit flicking from his jowls. The muzzle and mittens were lying on front of him, and he tapped him with a paw. The mittens stopped Remus's claws catching anything, and the muzzle kept his mouth clamped shut. Remus was always desperate to get them on straight away.
"I know," Sirius told him, "Hold on,"
He reached round to close the door behind him. Remus' clothes were neatly folded on the shelf by the door, beside his wand and the purple blanket he used in the mornings. The werewolf was so inhuman and disgusting that Remus liked to be as tidy as he could before and after transformations.
Sirius heard the wolf tap the muzzle again.
"I'm doing it," he assured him, "See, coming closer now,"
Yes.
Slowly, Sirius moved towards Remus and picked up the muzzle. The wolf shifted so that Sirius could get behind him and strap the muzzle across his mouth and nose. It kept the werewolf's flapping tongue hidden, although it meant that Remus' dribble collected in the muzzle, and would spill onto the carpet when Sirius took it off again before sunrise. Remus preferred the muzzle to be strapped on as tight as possible, so Sirius pulled the leather until it dug into the wolf's skin. He felt bad about that, although more because it reminded him of prisoners chained up in Azkaban than because he was hurting his best friend. Once the muzzle was on, he helped Remus guide his paws into the mittens.
"Good?" he checked, when all four of the werewolf's feet were covered.
The muzzle restricted Remus' barks, so now his Yes was more like a snort.
Normally once that was done, Sirius would turn into the dog. This time though, he went to sit in front of Remus, leant his back against the knobbly brick wall, and looked into the werewolf's yellow eyes. Being this close to them made it more disheartening that there was no trace of Remus in them.
"Shall I get her?" he asked.
No said the werewolf.
"Ten minutes?" Sirius suggested.
The wolf, still in its contorted attempt to sit like a dog, waggled his head uncertainly. Sirius had expected this.
"Do you still want to do this?" he clarified.
Yes.
"Twenty minutes?"
Head-waggle.
"You're going to have to make your mind up," Sirius huffed. An Order of Merlin, first class, was today awarded to Sirius Orion Black, for his valiant achievements in not rolling his eyes at Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks.
"It'd be better to get it over with," he added. This was a Remus-y turn of phrase, which Sirius hoped would inspire some sense in his friend. But Remus grimaced and squirmed, making his shoulder blades poke out of his back even more alarmingly. Bloody stupid idiot. Sirius wanted to help him so much that it ached.
He held his hand out towards the werewolf. "Can I touch?"
Yes, Remus snorted.
Sirius patted the werewolf's side. "Remember the first night we saw you?"
Yes.
"Remember how nervous you were? You thought you'd eat us alive. And that worked out, didn't it?" Sirius prompted.
He was sixteen when they succeeded in becoming Animagi. Almost twenty-two when it ended. Six years of full moons, first at Hogwarts and then wherever they fancied: Sherwood, Grizedale, Cwm Rheidol. They ran and ran, they leapt over streams, they climbed rocks and fell down. By the time they left school, the wolf was used enough to Sirius' dog and James' stag to tussle with them without anybody being afraid of bites. They were muddy and sweaty and free. Prison had made memories of freedom bitter and grey, which meant that Sirius was able to hold on to them. Dementors were only hungry for happiness. Spending so much time with Moony over the last few months had brought colour and joy back into those memories at last.
No, said the wolf, casting its eyes down. Sirius tangled his fingers in the fur on Remus' back.
"She'll be fine about it. You know she will," he promised, "Honestly, this furry little problem is far from your biggest flaw,"
'Furry little problem' had been one of James' expressions, and Sirius hoped that repeating it would reassure Remus. The werewolf gave Sirius a look which he suspected was supposed to be sardonic, although actually it looked like a savage scowl.
"Tonks doesn't moan about your dreadful handwriting or your terrible haircuts. I've never heard her complain about those toffees you keep in your pockets so long they get fluff on them. No girl who puts up with that is going to mind seeing you like this. She's an Auror- she sees worse stuff at work every week. And Andromeda on a bad day is much scarier than you," Sirius assured him, "She'll be fine. Okay?"
He rubbed his fingers down the bumps on Remus' spine. They were uneven, and unpleasantly close to the surface of his skin. The wolf stared at the wall beside Sirius for almost a minute.
Then it breathed Yes.
"Good dog. I'm going to fetch her,"
Sirius got to his feet. The wolf hesitated. Then he grunted Yes again, with more conviction. He stretched a paw out to the shelf opposite.
"What do you want?"
The werewolf jabbed its paw at the shelf.
"Clothes?" Sirius asked, puzzled.
No.
"Blanket?"
Yes.
"Are you cold?"
He'd never known the wolf to be cold before. Remus didn't reply, so Sirius took the blanket off the shelf and held it up.
"You want this on?"
Yes.
When Sirius laid the blanket over the wolf's long, saggy we realised why Remus had wanted him to. The blanket was to make Remus looked less horrifying. Sirius conceded that it worked: the grubby fur looked ridiculous under purple frills. Alarming, but comical.
"Better?"
Yes.
"Perfect. I'll head up," Sirius told him.
Yes.
Sirius left the storage room, closing the door behind him. He walked back through the cobwebbed cellars, up to the hall, and into the drawing room. Tonks was sprawled in the armchair by the window, doodling on her Doc Martens. Her head snapped up as Sirius entered the room.
"He's available to receive visitors," Sirius announced.
Tonks leapt to her feet.
"He's nervous," Sirius warned. He couldn't have Tonks going down there wand blazing.
She swallowed. "Right,"
"Repeat what I told you," Sirius ordered.
"No touching his face, legs or tail. No sudden movements. No making jokes. No pretending it isn't bad," Tonks recited.
"I didn't say bad, I said ugly. Your boyfriend's ugly, get used to it," Sirius snapped.
"Okay, fine,"
"Good girl," he approved, knowing that that would irritate her, "Let's go,"
Tonks started to follow him out of the drawing room, when Sirius stopped, wheeled round and said, "Oh, one more thing,"
He flicked his wand at her, attempting a body-bind curse, but Tonks ducked out of the way and shot a slipping jinx at him. Sirius fired a tarantallegra, but before it could land, Tonks disarmed him.
Bollocks. Sirius had a habit of forgetting she was Auror, and one trained by Mad-Eye Moody at that.
Tonks caught the wand and pointed both at him. "Who are you?" she snarled.
"It's me," Sirius protested, "The real me. That's how I know that you had a toad called Prudence, and that your Mum rescued my brother when I pushed him into a lake in 1970,"
"Where?"
"Avignon,"
"How many lessons does Mad-Eye have about Elementary Wand Safety?"
"Seven,"
"What's number four?"
"For God's sake, I don't remember that,"
"What's number four?"
"Never sleep with your wand under your pillow?" Sirius guessed. Mad-Eye had lots of lessons and rules floating about, and Sirius was sure that Tonks didn't obey them all. She probably just stored them up for times like this.
"What did I tell Ginny about checking for shield charms?" she interrogated.
"Throw dung-bombs at the door," Sirius answered, "Amateur,"
That seemed to satisfy Tonks.
"What the hell, Sirius?" she demanded, "What was that for?"
Sirius glared at her. She might be the Auror with two wands pointed at his neck, but she was also a little girl, and he was a convicted murderer with very little left to lose. He survived Azkaban, and no matter how they talked, he was far more of a Black than Nymphadora could ever be. He was the one with the power in the room. Sirius stepped closer, close enough that Tonks' wand was pressing into his throat. He saw her grip the wand tighter, and it gave him a thrill that he could intimidate her so easily.
"You don't use any of this to hurt him. He hardly lets anybody see him at full moon, so it's proof that he's mental about you," Sirius seethed, "So if you upset him because of this, I swear I will make you suffer. You wanna break up with Remus because you've seen him as werewolf, fine. I'll hate you forever, but fine. But you don't tell him that this is why. You're not allowed to split up with him until months from now, and you've got to come up with a reason not to do with what happens tonight. Tell him you're too busy with work or you've decided you're into girls. Whatever. But you don't tell him it's about seeing him as a werewolf. Do I make myself clear?"
"Sirius, I-"
"Do I make myself clear?"
Tonks cringed as his spittle spattered on her face. Good.
"I wouldn't," she breathed, "You know I wouldn't. I love him and nothing can change that,"
Not breaking eye contact, Tonks lowered the wand at Sirius' neck and held it out to him, cocking her eyebrow as if to ask: Are we done now? . Sirius wanted to sneer that she was doing a dreadful job of pretending she wasn't afraid of him, but he let her have the last word. Power could work that way.
Sirius took his wand, and flicked his head to signify that they were to proceed down to the cellar. Tonks jammed her foot into the boot she'd been scribbling on, and followed him through the hall towards the basement door, and down the steps. When they reached the door to Remus' store room, Sirius knocked. A quiet pair of Yes grunts responded. Tonks bounced up and down on her toes. Sirius took her hand and squeezed it.
"I'll be here if you're scared," he whispered.
Tonks grinned at him. "Scared? Get a life, Sirius,"
But he knew that she was.
Sirius pushed open the storage room door and stepped inside. Remus was lying on his front, evidently trying to make himself look as small and docile as possible. It wasn't working.
"Hello again," said Sirius.
Remus didn't reply.
"Wotcher," murmured Tonks. The wolf was gazing at the opposite corner, away from them.
"Hello," Tonks added.
The werewolf huffed a Yes. Then it turned its head round to face them. Sirius and Tonks looked at the wolf, and the wolf looked back at Sirius and Tonks. The silence was more awkward than frightened, although Sirius realised that he could feel his own heart juddering rapidly on the inside of his ribcage. He gripped Tonks' hand tighter.
He wasn't sure how long they all stared at each other for. Eventually, Tonks inched forward and asked, "Is this okay?"
Yes, Remus snorted, so softly it was almost inaudible.
"It's just Remus. I know you're just Remus," said Tonks.
Sirius stepped forward so he was level. "Can we sit?"
The werewolf considered, then breathed a Yes.
Sirius sat down cross-legged on the floor, and Tonks knelt beside him, knees poking out of the massive holes in her jeans.
"This isn't so bad, is it? Either of you," Sirius told them.
Tonks ignored him, and asked the werewolf, "How are you?"
Yes.
She ploughed on, "Do you want to hear about my day?"
The wolf eyed her. Yes.
Sirius watched closely as Tonks launched into an anecdote from work. She was always doing that. Honestly, how many ways were there for one person to trip down stairs? It was irritating, although Sirius reckoned that he'd have been similarly irritating at her age, if he hadn't been in prison.
Unexpectedly, Tonks then announced that she'd had a letter from Ginny Weasley.
"Why?" Sirius cut in.
"We're mates,"
"She's about eight years old!"
"You write to Harry," Tonks retorted, "Anyway, Ginny's given me the full story about Fred and George. It sounds totally awesome. Nobody can get rid of the swamp they left, and Peeves has gone crazy on the twins' behalf. They've trumped any mayhem you two caused,"
Well, that wasn't true. Sirius cleared his throat, stood up, turned into the dog, and turned back into a man. "I rest my case,"
News of the Weasley twins' escape from Hogwarts had been the talk of the Order for the days. Sirius avoided Molly when he could, although he'd heard her chuntering about it when she'd popped in the other day. Funny, that Fred and George had run away from school, and Sirius ran away from home. He respected the Weasley twins for taking a stand but, by leaving school, they'd abandoned any chance of pulling off the biggest prank in school. Plus, Fred and George had got caught, and the Marauders had managed to keep the map and their Animagus abilities secret. It was clear who were the real winners in the mayhem stakes.
Yes, agreed the wolf.
"You two are just annoyed to have rivals," Tonks teased them.
No.
"Ginny said Harry wanted to speak to you," Tonks continued, turning to Sirius.
Sirius froze.
Bugger.
A few days ago, Harry had appeared in the fireplace, wanting to speak to Sirius. Turned out Harry had stumbled into Dumbledore's pensieve in his Occlumency lesson with Snape. He'd seen a memory from about a thousand years ago, where Sirius and James had roughed Severus up a bit. Harry was disturbed by what he'd seen, and Sirius and Remus had had to reassure him that his father wasn't some kind of maniac. James had been a fun, happy kid. Harry didn't understand that because not much of his life had been fun or happy, and because he had Hermione Granger bossing him about, stopping him doing any stupid teenage stuff. That was all that incident with Severus had been: stupid. James was still kind, brave and loyal. If anyone was a maniac, it was Severus. Harry had explained to Sirius that Snape screamed at him to get out of his office and swore he'd never teach him Occlumency again. He was pathetic. Twenty bloody years since they'd been enemies at school, and Severus still pretended it mattered. Sirius wanted to shove Snape against a wall and snarl at him to try spending twelve years in Azkaban like he had, or try having no money and no stability like Remus. The two of them grew up and lived and suffered, while Severus stayed in school. He literally hadn't moved or attempted any independence, apart from a failed attempt at being a Death Eater (changed sides? Little prick probably got kicked out. Must have been an even worse Death Eater than Regulus, and that was really saying something). Snape was where and how he was as a greasy fourteen-year-old. Severus' immaturity would be to blame for anything that went wrong in this war.
Sirius glanced at the werewolf, who was staring at the wall again.
"Yes," he said carefully, "But it wasn't important,"
No, Remus concurred.
Tonks, dammit, was suspicious. Her head swivelled from Sirius to Remus and back again. Sirius pretended to check his watch.
"As in you agree it wasn't important, or you're saying it was important?" she asked Remus.
"First one," Sirius cut in.
Yes.
"Godfatherly advice," Sirius elaborated. They could convince her they'd been talking to Harry about OWLs or girlfriends or shaving.
Yes.
"Sounds mysterious," grinned Tonks.
"Remus and I are men of mystery," said Sirius. He winked and added, "What else did Ginny have to say?"
Nymphadora shrugged. "Quidditch, school, boys,"
"Ginny's got a boyfriend?"
Sirius couldn't care less about Ginny Weasley's love life, although he reckoned this was a good way to steer the conversation away from Harry.
"I'm not telling you,"
"Why not?"
"'Cos it's none of your business,"
"As I recall," Sirius pointed out, "You once said that about you and a certain Mr Lupin, and now look where we are,"
Remus exhaled heavily, and even coming out of the werewolf's huge, hulking body, it was clear it was a sigh.
"Bored, Remus?" Sirius grinned.
No.
Sirius looked at Tonks, then at the wolf. They seemed to have got used to each other being in the room by now.
"Here, come closer," he said.
"Would you mind that?" Tonks asked the werewolf.
No.
Sirius shuffled forward until he was sitting by Remus' head. Tonks followed. Even lowered to the floor and with the muzzle strapped on, the wolf-head looked freakish.
"Touch?" Sirius checked.
Yes.
Sirius reached down to pat the wolf's neck. Remus' fur felt rough and straggly like an old carpet, with an added greasiness which reminded Sirius of his own hair in Azkaban.
"Can I?" said Tonks.
Yes.
"Remember what I told you about staying away from his cock," Sirius couldn't help but chip in. Tonks gave him a shove and he toppled over onto the concrete floor, sniggering.
Gently, Tonks stroked the back of her hand across Remus' neck. Then she did it again. After a few moments, Sirius saw the werewolf close its eyes. He couldn't tell if it was because Remus was relaxed, or because he was ashamed to watch what was happening. Sirius sat up to watch them. He felt a peculiar sensation of being both the instigator and the observer of this moment.
It took another minute for Sirius to notice the tear slithering down Tonks' face. Guilt kicked him in the stomach as Tonks hastily brushed the tear away. He shouldn't have laid into her like that upstairs. He kept snapping at her for no reason. Falling in love was exhausting and all-consuming, and Tonks, poor kid, had fallen for someone complicated and frustrating, and a bloody werewolf. Sirius wasn't doing her any favours by jumping down her throat. It wasn't to do with her dating Moony. He felt sorry for her more than jealous. But he felt so weird about Tonks, furious and loving and guilty. Sometimes he wanted to hug her as tight as he could, and he didn't know whether it was because he'd missed her, or because he wanted to suffocate her, or because he wanted to squash her enough to make her little again, to make the last fourteen years go away and make everybody got back to the way they were before.
Sirius shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He wasn't a child. He wasn't like Severus, stuck in a pettily perpetual adolescence. He wasn't like Mother, on transmit even in death. He was a grown-up, and Nymphadora was in his cellar with a werewolf, crying.
He stood up, went over, and put an arm around her shoulders.
"It's alright. Don't worry, you're alright, I'm here,"
"I'm not sad, Sirius, I'm angry! I'm angry this happened to you," she told the werewolf, "Everybody's afraid of this, and it's not your fault. For God's sake, you were attacked! This is scarier for you than anyone, this hurts you more than anybody else!"
"I know. It's not fair," was all Sirius could say. Hadn't Nymphadora worked it out by now? Life wasn't fair.
"Nobody deserves this," she told Remus, "Least of all you,"
Tonks scrubbed her face with her fist. Remus still had his eyes closed. Sirius knew that he would be embarrassed by all this, so he stood up and turned into the dog. Moony normally found that reassuring, especially as with Tonks here he was outnumbered by humans.
This was getting too emotional, so Sirius retrieved the football from the corner of the room, and nosed it over to Remus. Knocking the ball around would be better with three of them, and a distraction from Tonks' crying.
Remus opened one eye. No.
Well, there was that idea blocked.
"I've brought a book," Tonks murmured, "D'you want me to read to you?"
No.
"Shall I just stay here?"
Yes.
Tonks shot a glance at Sirius, then said, "Okay. Of course,"
She put her hand back on the wolf's neck, and Remus shut his eye again and exhaled heavily. Sirius couldn't tell if the noise was from relief or fatigue. He ambled back over, nudged Tonks to the side, and curled up next to the werewolf. Protecting him. Sirius wasn't sure what Remus might need protecting from, but he knew he had to do it. Just in case.
Thanks for reading. If you chat to me on PMs or Tumblr, you'll know that I've been having a tough time lately, so extra thanks to you all for your support over the last few weeks. Much love xx.
