Chapter Sixteen

Lorna continued the heaving for several moments until she couldn't get anything to come up anymore. Usually, she absolutely loathed the sensation of vomiting. It always made her feel gross and dirty afterwards. However, this was different—she felt a rush of euphoria at the sensation, it got her mind off of all the worries and fears that were running wild for a brief second. Now, she stood calmly over the toilet. Relieved and peaceful. She flushed it down and left the stall to wash her hands and toothbrush.

Once the toothbrush was thoroughly cleaned, she placed it back in her purse. Her eyes caught sight of her reflection in the mirror above the sink and she shuttered at what she saw. It made her thankful for her new routine; she yearned to be skinny, or better yet to be the skinniest girl in the school. Maybe if she focused on being skinny, all of the other things in her life wouldn't be so awful.

The sound of water sloshing against the floor took Lorna's attention away from the mirror. She turned towards where the sound originated from and caught sight of a dark-skinned woman—probably in her late thirties or so—pushing a mop back and forth against the tiled floor. It was mesmerizing to watch the repetitive motion.

"Oh, I didn't realize the bathroom was closed for cleaning."

The woman pushing the mop along the floor stopped immediately at the sound of someone speaking to her. It wasn't often anyone acknowledged her, and certainly not any of the students. She cautiously lifted her head to stare across at the short brunette teen. Her big brown eyes full of thought. "No, I just started. I didn't realize anyone was in here. Floor's wet might wanna be careful walking on it."

Lorna gulped uncomfortably, realizing the toilet she used to purge into would most likely have remnants left on it. The thought alone brought a guilt over her. She didn't want anyone to have to see that or know the cause of it but maybe the woman hadn't even heard what she had done. She hoped that was the case.

"Are you all right?"

The question came as a surprise to Lorna. Her eyebrows scrunched up above her eyes in confusion. Had she looked that shitty? The inquiry pondered through her mind. "I'm fine, I just forgot to have coffee this morning so I'm kinda slow."

Nodding, the woman placed her hands in the pocket of her khakis and shifted a bit in her position. It was unnatural for her to strike up a conversation with pretty much anyone, let alone one of the students. Yet, something about the young girl who stood before her caught her off guard. There was something about her that reminded her of her own self when she was the same age. She didn't know exactly what that something was but, nonetheless, she was intrigued.

"I see. You should probably start making your way to class—it's half past seven and if I remember correctly the first bell rings at quarter til'?"

Lorna nodded agreeably. She knew that was probably the best option if she didn't want to get in any more trouble with her classes. "Yeah, I guess I better. Nice talkin' to ya, um…what's your name?"

"Miss Warren, but ya can just call me Suzanne."

The brunette teen gave a nod with a smile before finally exiting the restroom and heading in the direction of her morning class.


No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't pay attention to anything that was being taught in science class that morning. Sure, she read the notes that Mrs. Bell was writing on the board and jotted them into her notebook. However, her mind could not process any of the meaning behind it. Her mind was too busy fixating on what was done to her the night before. She swallowed hard. She felt ruined. If Stansie Morello were there, she'd certainly be ashamed to call her her daughter.

And Franny—oh, God, Franny, she couldn't tell her what happened. She knew her sister would never speak to her again, probably call her a whore or slut, something provocative. And she'd be right to call her either of those. Lorna felt like a whore—a slut—after what happened. A dirty whore at that. Even the longest of showers couldn't clean her enough, she thought. She exhaled deeply, wishing there were some way to shut her mind off. At least enough for her to get through the school day.

"Lorna, come up to the board and explain to the class what happens when a cancer cell invades healthy organs," Mrs. Bell interrupted her thoughts.

That certainly did nothing to help with her spinning mind. In fact such request only worsened the thoughts that ran through it. It was as though she had been trapped inside a fish tank, the thoughts were louder than anything going on around her in the classroom. Everything on the outside was muffled through the glass. Cancer, Uncle George, Nicky—all of which twirled around in her mind. She used her hands to push against the edge of her desk, forcing herself to stand up.

It only took a matter of seconds for her to walk to the front of the room, though it felt more like an eternity. Her hands were clammy from the sweat that perspired from the pores of her skin. This wasn't a good idea, she thought. Standing in front of the class to answer some question she wasn't even sure she heard correctly. She didn't even understand why she was being forced to answer it while standing in the front of the room. It was so unusual that she wondered if she even heard that correctly.

"Cancer, uh, cancer cells—um, they-they…cancer is evil and ruins people's lives," she quickly spat out, anger rising inside of her at the question. She hated cancer—she hated people who spoke about cancer, she wanted nothing do with cancer anymore.

The class erupted into laughter. Lorna looked around with confusion; her eyes landed on the teacher, who stared back with the same confused expression etched on her face. That was when she realized Mrs. Bell must not have even called her name. All of that had just been hallucinated by her brain. She clasped her hand over her mouth in embarrassment. She felt so stupid—utterly and royally stupid.

"Ay Morello, ya know what else is evil and ruins people's lives?" A classmate called out.

By the voice alone, Lorna knew it was Annalisa. She swallowed uncomfortably, every inch of her face was a deep shade of red.

"You," the blonde yelled out with a chuckle, followed by several other snickers.


Without any care, Lorna ran out of the classroom and down the hall. She continued to run with no destination in mind. All that mattered was getting as far away from that classroom as possible. She held her hands over her ears as if that would make everything better but it didn't—it did nothing at all. Everything seemed out of control and she loathed that. She needed control and order. She needed the insanity to stop. The pain, the fears, all of it. She kept running through the hall, not stopping until she came to a corridor that separated one hall from the next.

Her breathing was hard and heavy. She crouched down for a few moments in attempt to catch her breath. Running was not something she nor her body enjoyed partaking in. Once she regained control of her breathing, she turned the corner and walked until her eyes caught glance at the door to the nurse's office. She opened it slowly and entered inside.

At her desk, looking through her emails on the computer, the sound of the door opening halted her task. Nurse Reznikov turned from the screen to find Lorna standing in the entrance way. She easily observed the not-so-well condition she seemed to be in and quickly made her way over. "Are you okay, honey?"

Lorna shook her head, trying her hardest not to burst into tears. "I just made a real big fool of myself in my science class," she shrieked. Even that was an understatement—she was positive she would remain the class's laughingstock until the day she graduated after that stunt.

Red gently grabbed her hand and helped her into her office to sit down. She looked at her in sympathy. "It's okay, it'll be forgotten soon enough. Would ya like me to fix you a cuppa tea?"

Forgotten soon enough? That was a laughable comment, she believed. She knew she would never live that down, especially not if Annalisa had anything to say about it. But she didn't say anything further on that mater, only nodded her head for a cup of tea. If only drinking the tea would take away all of the problems that seemed to be taking over her life at the moment.

The tea didn't take long to prepare and when it was finished, Nurse Reznikov gently handed it over to Lorna. She sat back down in her chair and let her blue eyes observe the other very closely. "Wanna talk about what happened in your class?"

Lorna let her hands cup around the mug of tea almost possessively. She kept her eyes focused on the liquid inside of it. All of a sudden everything in her life appeared to be out of control. She sighed an exhausted breath of air. When did she lose control of it all? The question wandered through her head. She lifted a hand and placed it over one of her temples.

"I just—I'm an idiot," she spewed out, ashamed of herself over what happened.

Shaking her head in disagreement, Red reached over to place a comforting hand atop Lorna's. She let her blue eyes study the young teen methodically; there was a noticeable pain lurking over her, she noted. "You are not an idiot," her Russian accent thickly pronounced with each word that firmly came from her mouth. "Why don't you tell me what went on, okay?"

Switching which leg she crossed over the other, the petite teen only shrugged. Sharing it with the nurse would only bring her more embarrassment, she deemed. "I'm just so stupid, I stood in front of the class and answered a question that I guess the teacher never even asked me. And the whole class just laughed. I can never show my face again," she exclaimed, her face red with shame and disgust.

"Oh, honey," Red hushed, letting her fingers brush soothingly over pale knuckles. "First, you're not stupid at all. I can promise you you're not the first person that that's happened to. And second, all of this will blow over. I know to you it feels like it won't but it will. I know kids can be mean but they'll find something else to focus on by tomorrow. Don't worry."


Instead of heading home once school ended, Lorna decided to walk into the city to stop at the coffee shop. She was in no mood to deal with her uncle's perverted behavior. The walk happened to take a lot longer than if she were heading to her house, she soon noticed. By the time she made it to the small town, the sun had already begun its descent into the horizon. A light snow started to fall, coating her jacket in little white specs.

The strong aroma of coffee alerted her that she was nearing the shop. She gladly opened the door and entered inside to get out of the cold, wet, snow. Warmth instantly welcomed her the minute she set foot in the building, she walked down towards the sales counter in the hope of finding her sister working it but instead saw the black-haired woman from the other day. She tried to think of her name but kept coming up blank.

"So, Alex, I'm tryna find a way to move back down here."

Alex—that was her name Lorna remembered after hearing her friend's voice referring to the barista as such. Oh, shit, she thought as she very slowly walked closer to the counter, that meant Nicky was there talking to her and when she realized she was there as well, she would surely be upset with her after last night's phone call incident.

Lorna inched herself closer to the front of the sales desk but stopped halfway when she caught sight of the familiar redhead leaning over the counter and chatting with the barista. She mentally argued with herself if she should ask to see if her sister was there; she didn't want to interrupt their conversation. Fortunately, she didn't have to make the decision.

"Yeah, what can I get for ya?" The barista's raspy voice called out from behind the counter.

With their conversation paused, Nicky turned her head interestedly to see the customer. Her eyes slightly widened when she realized it was Lorna. She folded her arms over her chest while letting her eyes fiercely observe every inch of her.

Having both sets of eyes on her only heightened the already building nervousness inside of her. She shifted her legs out of habit. "Oh, uh, I just was wondering if uh—if my sister was working? Her name is Franny Morello."

Alex took a quick glance over the employee schedule and shook her head. "No, sorry, she just left before I got here. Can I get ya a coffee or anything?"

The petite brunette shook her head and exhaled a strong breath; she turned away and started walking towards a table. She couldn't face Nicky, not after the incident from yesterday; she was too ashamed of herself.

There was an obvious change in her demeanor, Nicky noted. Her eyes watched with concern, she didn't like what she was seeing. She followed behind her and reached ahead to place a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Lorna, what's wrong?"

It surprised her that Nicky spoke to her. She thought for sure she had ruined their friendship with her previous actions—or rather the actions of her uncle. The uncle who was probably sitting at home wondering where the hell she was. God, she had a headache. Her hands reached up to lay over her temples. She didn't know what to respond to Nicky's question with. There was hardly any energy left in her to come up with a believable excuse. Yet, she would never admit to anything else.

"Oh, no, nothing's wrong. I just I figured I upset ya last night on the phone. I'm sorry about that."

"What happened last night, kid? I heard a thump and then nothing."

Lorna swallowed uncomfortably as she tried to think of what to say without giving anything away. She never really was aware just how exhausting it was to keep up with all those lies she seemed to constantly create until that very moment. "My uncle came in and threw my phone—he was just mad because I woke him."

Nicky squinted her eyes as she listened to the words that her friend spoke, unsure whether or not she believed her.. She kept her hand on Lorna's shoulder and brushed her fingers softly around its flesh. "Yeah? Is that all, kid?"

The brunette meekly nodded and pursed her lips in a smile. A smile that seemed lifeless, that felt lifeless even. "Mhmm," was her curt response, she longed to get out of the mess she was in but had no clue how to even go about that. Just thinking about the how caused her even more stress. She felt tears line the bottom of her eyes but squinted them to prevent any of said tears from falling.

Without even saying anything, the redhead gently grabbed her hand and took her to sit down at one of the tables. She sat down on the other side, across from her, and reached her hands over to cup around Lorna's. "You're not okay, are you?" The more she watched her, the more she noticed how timid and shaky she was. She didn't even need to hear her response to know that something was going on. Her fingers drew tender circles around the flesh of the other's hand.

Lorna continued to smile. "I'm fine, hon. I am, really. Everything is fine. Life is perfect." How could she expect anyone else to believe that when even she didn't?

"No," Nicky told her, moving her hands to cup around Lorna's face. "You're not. You're not okay at all, kid."

No matter how truthful those words were, Lorna refused to admit such to her friend or anyone, honestly. Admitting that would mean giving up the one thing that was keeping her together. And that was something she had no desire to do any time soon. Though it may have warmed her heart that Nicky always appeared to so easily see through her façade, it also made keeping that same façade up that much more of a challenge. She sucked in a deep breath—and the way Nicky stared so intensely at her only made trying to keep her charade going even harder.

"I am really okay, hon," she tried again, forcing another smile. Maybe if she kept repeating those words it would make it true.

However, no matter how many times Nicky heard her say that, she wasn't buying into it. She knew a lie when she heard one and Lorna continuously telling her how okay she was proved to her that she was not. Okay people didn't need to keep insisting they were okay. That was similar to her saying she didn't need a cigarette while holding one between her fingers. "Sure, and I'm happy to be staying at my dad's," she responded, throwing her hands up.

The brunette focused her stare on the table where her hands were resting. There was a throbbing ache gradually starting to form between her two temples. She reached her hands up to touch over them, rubbing in a circular motion to ease it away. Of course, Nicky couldn't be more right. Lorna was anything but okay—it wasn't like she didn't know that. She just didn't want other people to know, or rather, see that. It was easier to put on a smile than to give into the hopelessness that she so desperately tried to push away.

"Are ya gonna tell me what's the matter?" Nicky sat with her arms still crossed over her chest. She kept her eyes on the brunette, watching her every move closely—even the micro ones that anyone else would easily overlook.

Nicky only meant well. It was clearly evident she sincerely cared for her and of course Lorna appreciated that. She really did. However, she wasn't prepared to let anyone into her completely fucked up bubble right then—in a strange, sick, way she liked keeping it hidden from everyone. She liked the idea of pretending. Pretending gave her a rush of adrenaline like how drugs gave highs; pretending was her high. It gave her an out from all the hurt and abuse. Made her feel more in control for once. She needed something that she could grasp onto.

"I just…erm, I had a bad day at school is all," Lorna finally answered, surprised at how confident her voice was—yet pleased for that, maybe the confidence would convince the other to believe her.

Eyes softened vaguely, Nicky moved her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her friend's ear. "Yeah, wanna talk about it?"

It felt like a victory to hear that question come from the older teen—she knew that meant she actually succeeded in convincing her that her behavior was only due to a shitty school day. Yet, even though she accomplished exactly what she set out to, she couldn't stop the guilt that gradually loomed over her. Lying to the people she cared about made her feel ashamed. She knew it wasn't right to do, however, she also believed the lies were only to protect herself. She had to protect herself because she certainly didn't trust anyone else to do that for her.

"I made a big fool of myself in class and now I just—I wish I could be an adult already so I'd never have to go to school again."

The comment brought both a chuckle out of her and a tenderness over her. The hand that she still had cupped around Lorna's cheek, she let the tips of her fingers caress around her porcelain-toned flesh. "I can promise you that ya ain't a fool," her husky voice firmly assured. A tender smile easily molded on her face. She moved her fingers to delicately circle around the outline of Lorna's forehead. "I will do everything I can to find a way to move back here, yeah? I hate school too but it would at least be better if we were in the same school again, yeah?"

Lorna felt her eyes instinctively shut at the redhead's gentle stroking right above them. Thank God she wasn't as weak as her child-self because her soft tone and sincerity was almost tempting her to blurt everything out. But she refrained from giving in. It was for the best that she kept all of the darkness inside—not only to protect herself but to protect Nicky as well. She settled for a faded smile and bounced her shoulders in a shrug.

"How do ya plan to do that, hon? School would really be better with ya there but how ya gonna get your dad to let you move back?"

Whether that smile was a joyful one or not, it still had the power of making everything inside of Nicky turn into Jell-O. She pushed aside the feeling, however, and peered fiercely ahead at the shorter teen. "I have a plan I'm working on, kid. I talked to Red, the nurse, and she said if my parents are okay with it—which I know they will be—that I can move in with her," she stated matter-of-factly.

Sure, those weren't the exact words Red had spoken to her but she knew that was what was truly meant. And it was only a matter of time before her parents agreed to it—she daydreamed quite often of the thought of packing up her belongings and driving away to wherever Nurse Reznikov lived. Envisioned she and her beloved school nurse sitting on the front porch of said house while having tea and discussing little things like the warm sunshine or the bird that just shit all over the table. It was a pleasant thought that brought a warmth over Nicky. She longed for that day.