"Oh my God, oh my God." I kept muttering under my breath as Clint and I made our way through The Kennedy Center. After I finally collected myself and made Clint take a few photos of me under the sparkly Hamilton sign did we go inside.
"Oh my God!" Laughing breathlessly as I stared at the stage and the adorning set for the first time "It looks like the exact one in New York. I mean I knew it would, but still, look at it." My eyes fixed on the simple stage I had seen through my computer screen a hundred times.
"Here." Clint nudged my arm. Turning towards him he handed me a playbill.
"Oh wow." Holding the playbill like it was a fragile piece of china. For some stupid reason tears welled into my eyes.
"Sorry." Catching Clint staring at me. Probably thinking I was a loon "It's just I've gotten to see and hold other peoples Hamilton playbills. I never thought I'd be holding my own." Whispering out.
Clint kissed my cheek "You're the sweetest."
Glancing I shot him a shy smile. He took my hand and guided us to our seats. I wondered where we would be sitting.
Clint kept leading me further and further towards the stage and stopped when we were five rows from the stage.
"Clint…" Saying slowly "We're in the front?" Hesitantly speaking.
"Only row E, off to the left. It's the best I could do." Clint looked ashamed and wanted to shake him silly.
"Listen to me before I slap you, you stupid dummy. Not only did you get me tickets to see my dream show, but we're in the freaking first five front rows!" Exclaiming loudly and getting a few head turns our way.
"Sorry." Meekly apologizing to the people around us, turning red "Anyway this is fucking amazing Clint." My eyes watering again.
A relieved smile bloomed on his face. Quickly I kissed his lips.
"Let's sit before we piss everyone off." Cracking a joke.
Leading the way to our seats, Clint guided me until we were sitting down. My head was literally going to explode from how close to the stage we were.
"This is incredible." Giggling with joy "Just so you know I will be mouthing along to every song and subtly doing dance moves in my seat." Peeking behind me I looked forward again "Man the people behind us are going to hate me by the time the night's over." Only kind of joking…
Clint let out a laugh "I wouldn't expect anything less."
Pulling out my phone I snapped some great shots of the stage and my playbill.
"Can you please take a picture of me with my playbill?" Sheepishly asking like a child.
Clint grinned and took my phone. Putting on a smile that I thought would crack my face I smiled as he took a few pictures.
"Thank you." Taking the phone and scrolling through the pictures.
"Come on let's get one of us together." Holding up my phone before Clint could protest and took a picture of us.
"Here let me try something. Hold up your playbill." Clint instructed me.
I did as I was told and held it up in front of me in one hand, my phone in another. I felt Clint kiss the right side of my cheek and I knew what he was getting at. Putting on another huge smile I stared at the camera and snapped a few pictures of us in our cute pose.
Looking back at my phone I was thoroughly satisfied with the results.
"Oh, these are going on Insta." Laughing, "The cute kissing my cheek one is perfect, along with the one you took of me outside, and the playbill."
"Do you think it would be super dorky if I framed the playbill and the ticket?" Asking Clint.
"Definitely." He nodded seriously.
"Perfect." Winking at him.
"Why not frame one and take one into work to display on your desk?" He volunteered.
I shook my head "I don't trust it around Diana. An 'accident' might happen. That would genuinely bring me to tears if anything deliberately happened to the ticket or the playbill. And Diana would know it." Gravely answering "Better to just frame them. Maybe once I get to a bigger space a few years down the line I'll bring the frame in." Trying to be optimistic.
"Why don't you take my ticket and playbill? You could put them at work and frame yours." He suggested.
"Clint I'm not taking your ticket or your playbill." Blanching at him "They're yours. Not mine. You're the one who put all of this together. You deserve something."
Clint smiled at me and gently tucked some hair behind my ear "Your joy from this night is all I need."
I turned fire engine red.
"Clint." Softly speaking "How did I manage to snag the man with the world's biggest heart." Warmly grinning.
Kissing his cheek I said "Thank you for the generous offer but you keep your momentoes. I'll be fine. This night is beyond more than anything I've ever wanted."
"What time is it?" Asking him.
"Twenty minutes until the show starts." He answered looking at his expensive watch.
Biting my lip I smiled "Want to hit the gift shop early and beat the rush?"
"See this is why you're the smart one." Clint kissed me and we got up, double-checking to make sure we had our tickets before leaving.
"Okay, but you have to promise not to let me spend more than a hundred dollars." Stressing to Clint as we got to the shop and looked around "I'm serious if you don't rein me in I will go nuts."
"Got it, babe." Clint chuckled.
Breaking away from Clint, I swiftly moved through the gift shop. My eyes roamed through every inch of merchandise.
In the end, I got a 'Not Throwing Away my Shot' shot glass for Beth, a postcard set, a poster, two Hamilton mugs. One for Pops…and one for me and a Schuyler Sisters T-Shirt.
"Okay, I think I'm in order. I am ten dollars over the limit, so forgive me." Walking up to Clint, my arms full of stuff. Sorry but not sorry for breaking my own rule.
"No. Not acceptable." He seriously said shaking his head at me.
"Tough." Sticking my tongue out at him "What did you snag?"
Clint held up a Hamilton baseball cap. I had to hide my smirk as I looked at the new addition to his undercover disguise. In his other hand, he held a grey zip-up sweatshirt with the Hamilton logo.
"The sweatshirt I will most definitely be borrowing from time to time." Winking at him.
"Wow you're going to steal it right away is that it?" He joked.
"No, not right away. I want it to smell like you first. Then I'll borrow it." Grinning at him as we went up to the register.
"That works for me." He slid his arms around my waist.
"Oh look at that!" Exclaiming as I put my items on the counter "It would be perfect for work!" Showing Clint the item by the register.
On display was a Hamilton snow globe with the icon gold symbol in the middle and the surrounding cast around it. The sign A. Hamilton was printed on the outside on a scroll of paper with a quill.
"How much for the snow globe?" Asking the cashier.
"The snow globes go for one hundred and twenty-five dollars." She smiled back at me.
My face crumpled.
"Oh, no thank you then." Replying as I tried to put the smile back on my face telling myself I was selfish. I was getting gifts for everyone and seeing the show was a major enough gift.
Stop being ungrateful.
Plus I would have the mug and the t-shirt.
Clint gave me a look as he went to pay for his things. Like he wanted to say something.
"I'm sure I can something similar on Etsy or something." Whispering to him, not wanting the cashier to hear. The smile was back on my face to show everything was still perfect. Because duh! It was!
After he paid we fled back to our seats. Just sitting down before the announcement of King George telling us to turn our cellphones off came on.
"Oh my God!" Jittering in my seat as the lights dimmed "Here we go!" Grinning like a kid in a candy store to Clint.
"Oh!" Jolting, starling him "Is being this close going to affect your hearing aids?" Softly saying "I didn't even think of that before!" Turning warm from feeling ashamed.
"No babe I'll be fine. But that you for caring." He chuckled "But thank you for reminding me. I should adjust them." He fiddled with both hearing aids just as the lights went dark.
The first act was incredible. Utterly Incredible. Seeing Wait for It performed live was breathtaking. I felt every note encapsulate itself in my soul.
Clint even managed to put up with my knowing every song and me dancing along to the music.
During intermission, we parted ways to freshen up. When I got back I sat and waited for Clint wondering where on earth he could be.
Only did he show up before Act Two began.
"I was beginning to think you ditched a certain nerd." Quipping, "Is everything alright?" Slightly concerned. Thinking something Avengers related had come up.
"Everything's fine." He smiled "Just ran back to the gift shop to get my friend a mug." He lifted a new bag.
"How sweet!" Gushing.
"Are you enjoying yourself so far?" Clint held my hand.
"Are you kidding!" Exclaiming "Did Al Capone have syphilis?" Remarking on our private joke.
Clint threw his head back and laughed. I couldn't help but giggle along. It drew us some attention, but I didn't care.
"I'll take that as a yes. Got it." Clint settled down to chuckling as the lights began to dim.
"Letting you know that I will so be ugly crying during Act Two. Just a heads up." Informing him.
"That's why I brought the handkerchief." He patted his pocket with a smirk.
True to my word when George Washington sang One Last Time I began to tear up. Then when Philip died, I burst out crying in the second act even though I knew it was coming. Clint had the handkerchief ready for me. I kept it with me as the second act went on and I began to silently cry during the number, The World Was Wide Enough.
Finally losing it during the entirety Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story I was an emotional wreck when the curtain came down.
Still, I managed to get on my feet to give loud cheers and applause for the cast.
"Jesus that hit me like a ton of bricks." Wiping my eyes again as we sat back down and waited for the crowds to clear out before we left.
God I hoped my makeup wasn't smudged.
"I'll wash this for you and return it." Letting out a watery laugh as I glanced at Clint. With one more dab, I put the cloth in my clutch.
"No problem." He chuckled.
"Oh God Clint that was-that was just magic." Breathing out as I stared at the now-empty stage in wonderment.
"It was everything I had hoped it would be." Sniffling "You build things up and sometimes when you actually get to experience them or be in the middle of it, sometimes it's not as grand as you thought it would be. But this-this was everything." Biting my lips.
Turning to him I grabbed his hands in mine "Thank you. I don't even know what I can do to make this up to you, but I loved this. Every second." Smiling at him.
Clint bent down and kissed my hands "You don't need to do anything. I only wanted to show my girlfriend how much I cared about her."
I flushed.
Girlfriend.
It was so odd.
But it was an amazing odd.
"And I have the most fantastic boyfriend in the whole world." Gushing out feeling like an idiot but a happy idiot.
It might have been my imagination but I thought I saw him blush a little at me calling him my boyfriend.
"It's not too soon, is it? I mean I want you to be my girlfriend but only if you're comfortable." Clint started to stumble.
"Hush." Raising a finger to his lips to silence him "No it's not too soon. I want to be your girlfriend if you'll have my eccentric, dorky ass." Smirking "And I want you to be my boyfriend because quite simply you Clint are the best." Warmly grinning at him before leaning over and giving him a long, deep kiss.
"Does that make things any clearer?" Quipping as we parted, both of us slightly red.
"Perfectly." He grinned before coming back for another kiss.
Watching Hamilton was an experience, but watching Dot watch Hamilton was an entirely different experience in itself. She felt everything with her whole heart when it came to this show. She felt it with her soul.
He could appreciate and like the show, but a part of him desperately wanted to be able to see it through Dot's eyes. To see what she saw. Every loud clapping and whooping during the ending of a song. Or every tear she shed during a heartbreaking moment.
During the entire two and a half hours of the show, he never once saw her lips stop moving in alignment with the show. Never saw her sit still long enough because she was dancing around in her seat. He watched her eyes dart constantly over the stage, drinking every little detail like a dying man needing water.
He knew she was cementing the entire show in her mind forever.
It filled him with joy to see her so happy. So fulfilled from this one experience. And he was able to do that for her.
He'd have to kiss major ass to Stark for pulling these strings to get him the tickets but the moment he saw Dot's face when they entered the theatre…well, nothing else seemed to matter.
She was his girlfriend.
And damn was he a lucky bastard.
He didn't feel like they were rushing anything. They had only been dating for two weeks, but they had known each other for over a month and a half before they went out for the first time two weeks ago.
Things felt right.
Thankfully, she felt the same way.
For now anyway.
The night wasn't over yet.
When the show ended they lingered to wait for the crowds to depart before they took their leave. But not before Dot shyly asked Clint to take a picture of her in front of the stage.
She was too much.
And that's why she was his girlfriend.
They had to take an Uber home because by the time they left the theater it was close to midnight. Dot cuddled close to Clint in the backseat of the car, her head on his shoulder the whole time.
Normally he would have been content, happy. But every mile they came closer to their apartment building pure, unfiltered dread and fear was building up inside of him.
He was going to tell her.
He had to.
When they got to the building Clint's legs felt like water.
Hand in hand they walked up to their doors.
"Even though it's after midnight I'm not tired. I'm still on a major Hamilton high." She laughed and it sounded like music "Did you want to come inside for a bit? I mean if you're tired, I don't want to keep you up." Swaying with him.
"I can spare some time." Clint tried his best to joke.
Clint waited for Dot to unlock her door and usher him inside and lock the door.
"Oh God that feels wonderful." Dot groaned as she unclasped her heels and let them drop on the floor one by one "Anyone who says that pain is worth it for beauty is a damn sadist." She laughed.
Clint laughed, his panic pushed aside for a moment. He set down their bags of Hamilton souvenirs by the door.
"Do you want some tea?" She asked him.
"I'll pass for now." Clint nervously sat down on the couch.
Dot sat down next to him.
"Clint this night-this was one of the best nights of my life." She gently smiled at him "Fiola Mare and then-Jesus Hamilton." She shook her head. Still in amazement.
"No man has ever done anything like this for me ever. You have no idea how special everything was. It was perfect. Completely and amazingly perfect because you made it perfect." Dot reached a hand up and stroked his cheek.
"Thank you." She whispered tears in her eyes along with long looks of admiration.
With an anxious breath, he leaned forward and brought them closer together. He kissed her. Slow, long, and gentle.
Clint just wanted to capture this one last time before everything blew up. He wanted one last fantastic moment with Dorothy.
Breaking away Clint studied her face.
"Clint are you alright?" Dot stroked his face. Immediately picking up his discomfort.
"Dorothy there is something I need to tell you." Clint breathed out moving their faces away "I need you to trust me because this is going to sounds freaking nuts, but it's true."
"What? What is it?" Dot stared at him.
Clint took her hands in his "After I tell you, I hope that you'll still want to be with me, but if you don't-then I'll…I'll understand." He swallowed the nerves coming up from his stomach.
"Okay." Dot responded patiently.
Sucking in a huge breath Clint began to speak, "I've been lying to you. I'm not who you think I am. I-the reason I didn't tell you was for your own safety and mine. But then…" He stuttered and he felt like such a moron.
"Then we started growing closer and you started to occupy almost all of my thought." A tiny smile moved to his lips when he saw Dot smiled and blush.
"My real name isn't Clint Anderson. It's Clint Barton. You may have heard that name before. From Beth, from the news." Clint swallowed again trying to fight the urge to get sick.
"My name is Clint Barton. My alias is Hawkeye." Clint paused "I'm an Avenger."
Finally he said it.
He let the words out into the open and let them sit there.
Terror gripped him as he studied Dot's face but he couldn't make out what she was thinking. Clint wanted to speak but he waited for Dot to say something first.
Dot stared at him. Long seconds stretched by. This was the most nervous he'd ever felt in his life.
Dot let go of one of his hands.
His heart sunk to the floor.
It was all over.
Dot slumped forward. Head in hand and let out a laugh.
…that was not the reaction he was expecting.
Maybe she was in shock?
"Oh thank God!" She breathed out "I don't know how much longer I could have kept that a secret." She breathlessly laughed.
Clint now most definitely thrown for a loop.
"I'm sorry…what?" Was all he managed to get out.
"Clint I know you're Hawkeye. I've known you were Hawkeye for a while." Dot nonchalantly told him.
"Wait-wait a minute you knew!" He exclaimed jumping off the couch "How long have you known?"
"Since the night after you helped me watch Stewart." Dot gently replied "The morning after, Beth saw you. And even though it was for like ten seconds. She knew it was you."
Clint blinked and tried to get his mind working.
"So you've known this whole time?" He slowly said.
Dot nodded.
"Why, why didn't you ever say anything?" He raised his voice flabbergasted.
Dot shrugged "I figured that you either couldn't talk about it, or you didn't want to talk about it. When Beth told me, yeah it was a shock, but I tried putting myself in your shoes. After everything in your life, I figured you probably wanted some privacy for a while. I wasn't going to force it out of you or make you talk about something you didn't want to."
His mind was still in a blank.
Dot had known all this time and chose not to say anything out of respect for him?
"Are…are you mad?" Dot whispered quietly.
That snapped Clint out of his stupor.
Swinging around he saw Dot's anxious, crumpled face and instantly hated himself.
"No, no, no babe I'm not mad." Clint sat back down and gently moved her closer to him "I'm just surprised that's all. I mean I thought you would end up being furious with me because I've been lying to you about who I am."
"I would never be mad because you're protecting your privacy. You've lived the last few years in the public eye. No one, least of all me, would fault you for wanting some privacy." Dot soothed him.
"It didn't freak you out knowing that you had been living next door to an Avenger. A trained marksman and assassin." Clint stressed the last part because that was his past, no matter how much he wanted to change it sometimes.
"At first it did, but then I realized it didn't matter." Dot said as she gently climbed onto Clint's lap "Not to me anyway."
"Why?" Clint asked.
"Because to me, you've never been Clint Barton, the superhero Avenger. You're just Clint. Clint my neighbor who helps fixes sinks and volunteers their night to watch baby ducks." Smiling at him "Clint who geeks out over 80's movies and music with me and loves takeout as much as I do. Clint who is sweet, super attractive, loving, protective, sarcastic, cocky." She rolled her eyes with a chuckle "Just Clint."
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she brought himself closer to him. He breathed her in deeply, "None of your past interests me. I don't care that you're an Avenger. That's only one piece of you. I care about the whole picture. I care about the boyfriend who remembered my favorite flowers and moved mountains to give me one of the best nights of my life." Dot warmly grinned at him and put one of her soft hands on his face.
Instinctively Clint leaned into her touch.
"I know this isn't going to be easy. Far from it. There are things that we will need to talk about and figure out but we don't need to figure everything out right now. Right now let's just laugh and kiss and be happy." Dot stroked his cheek "Having you in my life, that would be enough."
Clint brought their foreheads together "God you're like some miracle." He felt immensely relieved but she was right. Their relationship wasn't going to be easy. Once he was spotted in public and word spread and people tracked him down to D.C. things would change. The public would be in her life. Not an easy thing to deal with.
But again, Dot was right.
They didn't need to figure out right now.
She knew about him. She accepted him. She just wanted him.
That was enough.
"This is definitely not how I thought this conversation was going to turn out." Clint laughed. He felt Dot laughing underneath him.
"I know I'm just full of surprises." She grinned at him.
After we talked and Clint got his not so secret confession off his chest I could tell he was more relaxed now. So was I.
It was a relief not having to tiptoe and keep lying to one another.
"Hey, so I have an idea." Speaking up from my place, cuddled up on his lap.
"Well it's so late I was wondering if you wanted to spend the night-" Flustering "Just to sleep I mean, not…anything else just yet." My whole body turning pink.
"Or you don't need to if you don't want to." Twisting my fingers together from my nerves.
"I'd love to spend the night," Clint replied calmly.
"Okay, okay cool." Slightly squeaking out.
Lord Dot.
"I'm going to go change at my place." Clint kissed my head and I slid off him and stood up.
"Good idea, I will attempt to get all this off my face." Gesturing to my makeup with a smile.
"See you in a few." He kissed my cheek then disappeared through my front door.
Just go through your bedtime routine like it was any other night.
Going into my room I unzipped my dress and put it back on the hanger. I changed into my flannel pajama bottoms and an old sleep shirt. Going into my bathroom I scrubbed my makeup off my face and washed my skin.
Running a brush through my hair didn't do much except fluff out the finger waves. Whatever I'd take a shower tomorrow.
Walking through my apartment I locked the balcony door and made sure all the windows were shut and locked before grabbing a glass of water.
Padding over to our Hamilton bags I dug through them to separate Clint and mine's items.
Hopefully, I'd see Beth tomorrow and Pops over the weekend to give them their gifts. I'd tack up the poster tomorrow. Taking my mug out of the box I put it in the sink to wash tomorrow. Taking the shirt I took the tags off and put it in my laundry basket.
Taking Clint's bags I put the wrapped box inside the bag with his sweatshirt and baseball hat.
There was a knock at my door.
"Come in." Putting the rest of my things on the dining room table.
Clint appeared wearing a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt.
"Hey can you just lock it." Telling him.
He locked the door "I put all of your items in this bag." Holding it up, then putting it down by the front door.
"Great thanks."
"So…what do you want to do? We can watch TV or head into the bedroom…" Trailing off shifting from one foot to the other.
"Whatever you're comfortable with." He softly said.
"Well, I am pretty beat now. I guess the high wore off." Joking as I felt the exhaustion creeping into my bones.
Clint gave me a small smile and motioned for me to lead the way. Shutting off the lights in the kitchen and the living room I walked to the bedroom, my heart hammering in my chest knowing he was behind me.
"Do you have a preferred side?" Biting my lip.
Could I be making this any weirder?
"I'm good with whatever babe." Clint rubbed my arms "If you're not comfortable I can always go back to my apartment."
"No, I want you here, it's just it's been a long time since I've had a guy sleep in my bed." Blushing in embarrassment.
"That's nothing to be ashamed about." Clint cupped my face "Like I said you dictate how fast and how far things go."
Looking at the sincerity in his eyes all I could do was nod.
Taking a breath, I tried to calm everything inside me.
"I usually take the right side." Telling him.
"Then I'll take the left." He smiled.
Kissing him briefly I grabbed my water and set it on the nightstand and pulled back the covers, Clint matching my moves.
"I sleep with a white noise machine. I hope that's fine." Biting my lip, hesitant to turn on the machine.
"I've fallen asleep in active war zones. I'm good with handling a white noise machine." He smirked cracking a joke.
"Interesting." Musing with a smile as I crawled under the covers.
"It's a habit I picked up freshman year of college. The people who lived above Beth and I were so damn loud at night. It drove both of us nuts till we got the machine." Shaking my head remembering those long nights.
"That is one thing I don't miss about college." Smirking as I moved closer to him until I was settled on his chest with his arms wrapped around me.
I didn't even think. I just acted on it. And it felt natural.
I liked it.
We nestled in silence for a bit. I was starting to drop off into sleep when a question popped into my head.
"Can I ask a question?" Titling my head up to look at him.
"Anything." He replied.
"Who is your best friend?" Curiosity getting the better of me.
A smirk appeared on his face "Natasha."
Instantly I paled.
"Natasha Romanoff? As in The Black Widow….the master spy and assassin." Croaking out.
Of course. His best friend would have to be the deadly, unfairly gorgeous Avenger!
"Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" Clint questioned with a tone of amusement.
"Because of course, your best friend is the woman who could snap me in half like a twig if she wanted. She will literally kill me if I ever hurt you." Starting to panic just a little bit.
"Nat's not like that." Clint laughed "Yeah she's tough but she has a soft side."
"Easy for you to say. You won't be the one who ends up missing if I break your heart." Snuggling closer to him.
His laughter shook me "That won't happen. Either part. You'll really like Nat once you get to know her. She already likes you because she can see how happy I am."
"Yeah well, I'm still keeping my pepper spray on me when I meet her." Grumbling out.
Clint laughed again "Get some sleep crazy woman." He kissed my head. Leaning over I turned out the light and let the room go dark.
"Well you knew exactly what you were signing up for when we got together." Joking placing a kiss on his chest before I let my eyes close.
