Chapter Twenty-One
"Look," the tall brunette started, giving a hard stare towards Lorna. "I don't care if you're into girls, Lorn, but please if you're gonna mess around at least shut the door. You just scarred your poor nephew for life!"
Once Franny left with her son in her arms and slammed the door behind her, the two teens ended up in a fit of laughter over the whole ordeal. That was exactly the kind of light-hearted evening Lorna needed—a thought that popped up as she allowed her eyes to peer attentively at the redhead beside her. She couldn't stop herself from forming yet another smile. Just being in Nicky's presence rose her spirits immensely. Not only that, but she also seemed to easily cause Lorna's heart to constantly flutter when they were together. A nice sensation, she deemed.
"Your sister seems cool," Nicky finally regained her composure from laughing, turning her head to return the other's stare. She smiled, too, when she noticed the angelic one on Lorna's face. Delicately, she reached a hand to place onto one of her cheeks and used the tips of her fingers to caress tenderly around its flesh. She rested their foreheads together and brought their lips back in for another kiss, this time slower and gentler.
The mere feeling of Nicky's forehead pressed against her own showed Lorna a sense of affection she never even imagined possible. Her eyes melted into the soft brown ones of Nicky. A contented sigh escaped her as she reached across to wrap her arms gingerly around the other's shoulders, giving a tender squeeze. Their lips met once more and Lorna shut her eyes. For that moment, nothing else mattered. Everything around them melted into the background. Lorna had a calm mind as she focused on being present with Nicky.
An hour later had the two teens sitting on the couch in the living room, some random horror film playing on the television, with mugs of hot chocolate that Lorna insisted on making them. With her nephew in bed and Franny watching a show in her bedroom, they had the living room all to themselves. And, of course, that gave the pair the perfect excuse to put on an R-rated movie. Each girl sat crossed-legged on the couch with a bowl of popcorn positioned in between them.
"How many horror movies have ya seen, kid?" Nicky interrogated with a playful smirk on her face. She had a strong gut-feeling that she already knew what her friend's answer would be.
Grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl, the brunette waved a hand at her. "Counting this one? Two…and a half," her voice emphasized; she waggled her eyebrows lively at the other. Sure, horror movies were not something Lorna would have chosen to watch on her own, however, she wasn't going to give Nicky the satisfaction of knowing this was truly the first she'd seen.
The response immediately brought a warm chuckle out of Nicky. Her eyebrows curved questioningly over her eyes while her arms folded over her chest. "Two and a half? What's the half?" Another light-hearted chuckle tumbled from her vocal chords.
"Yes, two and a half. The half was, erm, a movie I watched with my brother and I fell asleep before it ended. So that still counts as half," Lorna stated matter-of-factly.
Nicky gave another chuckle and nonchalantly wrapped one of her arms around Lorna's waist, pulling her close to her body. Impulsively, she allowed her lips to peck tenderly against the flesh of the petite girl's forehead. "I meant my words the other night," her mouth now pressed warmly against Lorna's ear; she used a finger to softly place a loose strand of hair behind it. "I love you, Lorna."
Chills rapidly ran down Lorna's spine at the statement. Warm, tingly, chills. She turned her head, staring up at her with wide eyes. "You remember that, hon? I wasn't sure how high ya were or anything but I told ya I love you, too. And I do, I really do."
"I remember that, too, kid," Nicky's voice huskily murmured into her ear. She pressed her lips right behind the ears. "Hmph, what do ya think about us being girlfriends, yeah?" Her arms pulled Lorna even closer while her eyes affectionately gazed into hers.
Without any hesitation, the brunette nodded her head enthusiastically before smashing her lips hotly over Nicky's. The kiss lingered for several minutes until Lorna released it and looked up into her eyes. "I think us being girlfriends would be a great idea, hon. What do you think?"
Nicky smiled and nodded her agreement. "I also think it's a great idea. So, it's settled—you and I are now girlfriends."
"Girlfriends," Lorna repeated. She liked the sound of that, it certainly had a nice ring to it. The smile on her face widened as she instinctively rested her head on the older teen's shoulder. Her hands reached up to cradle delicately around faintly freckled cheeks. "So, now that we're girlfriends—I'm real curious, hon, when did ya realize you're into girls?"
With a small laugh, Nicky squeezed the arm she had wrapped around her waist gently while brushing a butterfly kiss onto her forehead. "When I was four, in pre-k, I remember the teacher I had was one of the prettiest women I'd ever seen. Of course, that was also the only time I actually wanted to go to school. Always had butterflies in my stomach, which back then I just thought that meant I liked school," was her honest response, one of the few childhood memories that stuck out to her. Another several snickers escaped her at the recollection.
"I don't know why but I find that to be a real cute story, hon. It must have been nice to know so early what you like," Lorna pointed out, a small smile sat on her face at the thought of a little Nicky in her pre-k class. She wished the two had met even earlier in life.
Shoulders bounced up in a shrug, the redhead reached for her mug off the coaster on the coffee table and sipped it. "Four year old me didn't understand what that meant but as soon as I started middle school, I knew exactly what I was. All the other prissy girls wouldn't shut the hell up about this hot guy or that hot guy while I was busy secretly lusting over the hot women."
The way she chose to describe it all had a fit of giggles overpower Lorna. "Who was your first crush?"
"First crush? Eh, I don't know probably some movie star or somethin', I always liked to look through the magazines back in seventh and eighth grade. I just liked all the beautiful women in it, I guess. What about you, kid?"
Lorna shrugged; she hadn't really paid much attention to anything like that, at least not since before her mother got sick. Her hands squeezed at her cheeks as she thought of who—if any—she first crushed on. The only person she could think of was Nicky. Maybe that was a cheesy response but, in her heart, she knew it was honest. "It's gonna sound real dumb, hon, but I think you were my first crush," she sheepishly answered, her cheeks flushed red.
Those words were anything but dumb, Nicky thought. In fact, she felt her own cheeks turning a slight pink. She set her mug back on the coaster on the coffee table and turned so that she could lovingly frame her hands around Lorna's blushing cheeks. "Dumb is not what I would say, kid," her voice hot against the other's lips. "I think that's the most precious thing I've heard in a long time." She had her lips so close to her girlfriend's that they were basically touching; she let them naturally glide together in a warm kiss.
Lorna closed her eyes at the tender sensation. Each kiss left her lips tingling with excitement and the craving for more. However, knowing her sister could walk in at any moment, she grudgingly pulled away and instead wrapped her arms around Nicky's neck. "As much as I love kissing ya, hon, we don't need a repeat of Franny catching us. She hates PDA," a light-hearted chuckle escaped her.
"Probably because she has a little rug-rat running around the house," the redhead pointed out, however, a playful smirk sat on her face to convey she was only joking. "But, yeah, I guess you're right. We already scarred your nephew once." A casual chuckle tumbled through her larynx.
The next morning had Lorna in the kitchen preparing a pot of coffee while Nicky was still asleep in the guestroom. She looked around her older sister's kitchen for several minutes before finally finding the ground-up beans. Carefully, she measured out the recommended portion and placed it into the filter on the top of the machine. With water already inside, she clicked the switch and allowed it to brew.
Marco sat in his high chair on the other side of the island as Franny cut up some fruit that she placed on the tray. It wasn't even eight o'clock in the morning and she was already feeling exhausted. She sipped her coffee, now cold from sitting out for a while, before turning her head to look at her sister. "So, did ya talk to your friend about what happened yesterday?" The inquiry rapidly slipped from her mouth.
Busy fumbling around the cabinets for two mugs, Lorna chose not to say anything. It took only a couple of minutes until she came across what she was looking for. She reached her hands in, grabbing both mugs, and setting them onto the Formica countertops. One she filled with cream along with two packets of sweetener, the other she left empty. The coffee percolated behind her, filling the silence.
"Did you tell her what happened, Lorna?" Franny repeated her question a bit louder, frustration quickly growing just as the ache between her temples.
Lorna slicked back her hair, trying to find something to avoid her sister's interrogation. The sound of the machine shutting off came as a relief to her. She picked up the vessel and poured a generous amount into both cups. After replacing the pot underneath the filter, she grabbed a spoon from a drawer and used it to stir her coffee. "No, and I'm not going to because nothing happened."
A blatantly dishonest statement infuriated the older brunette immensely. However, to avoid upsetting her toddler (who was happily munching away on his breakfast), she tried her best to keep her composure. She placed her hands on her temples, rubbing furiously at them to ease the aching sensation. "Lorna, that's not true and you know that. Something serious happened yesterday and I just don't understand why ya wouldn't want to tell your friend about it."
"I don't want to talk about it, Franny. I'm happy and I like my relationship with Nicky the way it is, she doesn't need to know about yesterday because it doesn't matter."
Another obvious lie, the older woman easily sensed. Happy was something Lorna hadn't been in years, and the more she gave into those delusions, Franny thought, the farther from being happy she would remain. It hurt to see her sister decline but she also realized the only way she could be helped was for her to admit there was a problem and the chances of that—at least any time soon—were quite slim. She sighed and shook her head. "But you aren't happy and what happened yesterday does matter. If you keep lying to yourself, hon, you're not ever going to feel happy. Hopefully that psychologist will be able to help you find ways to cope better."
Lorna slammed her mug on the counter at the mention of said psychologist, all the while shattering the cup and spilling coffee all over the counter. "I do not need to see a damn shrink," she muttered under her breath while quickly getting to work at cleaning the mess she'd made.
"Well, this right here proves that it is best you're seeing a therapist. You need someone to help you because clearly, I can't seem to get through to you and you won't talk to your friend. And it's not a bad thing, Lorn."
The sound of loud voices and shattering ceramic awoke Nicky from her slumber in the spare bedroom. She heard the pair of sisters seemingly yelling at one another, arguing over something she couldn't make out. Throwing the blanket off and jumping down from the bed, she quickly walked nearer the door, however, as she did so, it was swung angrily open by Lorna—who oblivious—walked in and fell against her bed. Concern instantly took over, Nicky turned to follow the brunette. She lay on the bed beside her and reached her hands to cup around Lorna's cheeks.
"What's wrong, baby?" Her voice tenderly asked while her thumbs stroked porcelain flesh.
Tears soaked the blanket around her. Lorna had her face buried in them, not wanting her girlfriend to see her cry. She wasn't supposed to break apart in front of Nicky—she vowed that to herself after the last time she had done so. With the corner of the blanket in her hand, she carefully lifted it to wipe at her eyes. "Oh, nothin', hon. Don't worry about it."
Nicky shook her head at such a comment, only inching closer to her while delicately allowing her arms to encircle around the younger girl's body. "I am going to worry about it, kid. I heard yelling and something breaking. Obviously something's going on. Please talk to me."
"I just—Franny found out I, uh, I failed my last science test and we just kinda got in a little argument over it. It's fine, all good."
Exasperation and fatigue were two things Nicky had easily heard in her tone; she could see it expressed on her face as well. Resting on her side with her arms cradled softly around the other, she moved her forehead so it lain atop Lorna's. Her fingers brushed lightly along porcelain-like cheeks. "You sure that's all, kid?" She softly inquired, tucking a strand of hair lovingly behind her ear. "You know ya don't have to be scared to tell me the truth, yeah?"
Somewhat regaining her composure, Lorna turned her head to peer back at the older teen. With a deep breath in, she reached her arms straight ahead to wrap around Nicky's shoulders and gave a delicate squeeze. The appreciation she had for her girlfriend was stronger than any words she could use to explain it with. "I know, hon, thank you. I'm so sorry we woke you with our fighting. I hope ya slept well at least," she softly apologized, nuzzling her cheek against the other girl's.
"You don't need to be sorry," Nicky quickly responded, letting a hand cup lovingly around a pale cheek. She studied her features intensely, easily noting the exhaustion that lurked on dark circles beneath brown eyes. A pang formed in her chest at the sight; she longed to solve the puzzle that was causing those dark circles in the first place. Yet, she had no clue how to go about that without causing any friction between the two of them.
"I slept perfectly fine, kid. But what about you? You look like ya haven't slept well in a long time. Is everything okay? Are you okay, baby?"
"I'm fine, hon, really. You really don't need to worry," Lorna gently insisted. She lifted one of her hands and placed it over the hand that rested on her cheek, using her thumb to caress around its knuckles.
Nicky let her big eyes gaze softly over Lorna. A sigh escaped her. Getting to the bottom of what was really going on with her was not going to be an easy task, she mentally grasped. "I do need to worry and I am worried, doll. There's something clearly going on with you and I just—I wish you'd open up to me about whatever it is. I care so so much about you, Lorna. I want to help you through whatever you're dealing with."
Guilt rapidly overpowered her with each word Nicky said to her. As though each word were a knife digging further and further into her chest. She swallowed thickly, trying to not allow her emotions to cloud her judgement. It was highly tempting to give in and share everything with her girlfriend but she had to remind herself that such a decision wouldn't benefit either of them in the long run. She loathed the idea of burdening anyone—especially Nicky—with her personal problems.
"Nicky, hon, ya don't gotta worry about me, I promise. Ya got your own stuff you need to deal with, anyway, so please stop worrying about me. I'm okay, I've just been tryna get my grades up and haven't had enough time to rest because of that, that's all."
"Yeah? Then why don't we just lay here and cuddle for a while so you can get a little rest? You need to take care of yourself, my sweet Lorna." She pulled Lorna gently against her while combing her hands soothingly through her dark brown waves.
The sensation had Lorna close her eyes in content. Instinctively, she snuggled closer to the older girl's body, wrapping her own arms around her abdomen as she allowed her head to rest on her chest. "I, uh, I like the sound of that, hon. I've, I've really missed ya. School's just sucky without you, Nicky."
Nicky brushed her lips warmly atop Lorna's head, continuing to run her fingers over and over through her hair. "Good, ya just let me take care of and cradle you," her voice murmured huskily against her ear. "I've missed ya too, kid. I know, I know. I hate school even more now that we're not going to the same one. But hopefully, Red will talk to my parents and I'll be able to move in with her soon. Then we can be in the same school and everything will be normal again."
Everything would be normal again. The statement repeated through her mind. If only that were the case, Lorna thought to herself. If only having Nicky back at school with her would magically make everything normal again. She longed for the return of normalcy in her life, but she didn't know if that were even possible anymore. Life hadn't been normal in years, she recognized. And maybe it would never be normal again. The unknown was unsettling to her. Lorna craved for control.
"I hope Red called them today after I talked to her. I really do. It's not just so we can be in the same school; I want you to have a home with someone who truly cares about you and wants ya there. You deserve that, Nicky."
Her breath hitched in her throat. The sincerity from Lorna's voice was so intense it brought a chill over Nicky. A comfortable chill that was. She still hadn't been used to someone genuinely caring in such a way that Lorna had. It seemed impossible for someone to care as much as she did but, yet, she never ceased to amaze her. "Lorna, sometimes I wonder if you're real or not. I never thought people like you existed before. You're the sweetest person I've ever met, kid, you're an angel. You have to be an angel," she stated, matter-of-factly.
With her head lifted up slightly, Lorna moved her face directly over the redhead's. Her breath was warm atop her girlfriend's mouth. She leaned closer so that their foreheads and lips were lightly touching. "I just care about ya, hon. You mean so much to me and I want you to live with someone who won't just treat ya like you're nothing to them. Because you're not nothing, you're a special girl who any parent would be lucky to have and—it really makes me mad that your mom and dad don't see that," her voice murmured delicately over her girlfriend's lips.
Nicky cradled her hand affectionately around Lorna's cheek. Eyes peered into hers with the utmost compassion and empathy. "I love you," she whispered, caressing the tips of her fingers along the flesh of her cheek. "It means so much to me what you're saying, kid, you have no clue how much. I just wish the care ya have for me that ya had for yourself, too." A strand of loose brown hair was lovingly tucked behind an ear.
"I love you more," the brunette said, allowing a hand to wrap over the one resting on her cheek. The statement she meant—she loved Nicky more than herself, more than she believed she should be loved by anyone. But she didn't elaborate, only placed a warm smile on her face as she snuggled closer to the older teen.
"Nicky, hon, you haven't gotten any more of that heroin right?"
Surprised by the question, Nicky felt her stomach fill with butterflies. Butterflies that she couldn't decipher if they were from nerves or warmth from Lorna's naturally caring nature shining through once more. "No, I promise I don't have any more of it. And that baggie I had the other day, I think I might a left it on your dresser, kid. So, I haven't taken any since then."
Lorna nodded, giving a quick peck to her lips before letting her head rest back down on her chest. She drew a heart around Nicky's heart with her index finger. "Good, I'm so happy to hear that. You're too good for drugs, hon. That's okay, I'll toss it out when I go back home. I rather you not have that in your possession."
"Oh, no, are ya sure, kid? I can swing by and get it, I don't want to risk the chance of you getting in trouble for having that. I appreciate your kindness, I do, but it's okay, I'll get that taken care of," Nicky quickly responded. Though, she knew the only reason she did so was because her body craved that last bit of powdered goodness. She longed for one more little heroin high before she gave it up for good.
That response immediately had Lorna shaking her head and holding up her hand. "Absolutely not, hon. I will toss it out when I go back. I don't want ya to be tempted. Your health is more important than if I get caught with drugs in my room. And the chance of that happening is low, anyway, so you don't needa worry."
It was times such as that where Nicky felt both affection and frustration with the petite Italian teen. Not only because she wanted that baggie back in her pocket, but she also wished Lorna would put that amount of care back towards herself. Because it was clear to her that she hadn't been taking good care of herself; she sucked in a breath and let her arms carefully pull the brunette closer against her body. Lips brushed tenderly atop the flesh of her forehead.
"Do ya ever put this much energy into taking care of yourself, Lorna?"
The query brought an uneasiness over Lorna. Leave it to Nicky to turn everything around on her. She always seemed to do that in a way that seemed so natural and innocent, however, that simply exhausted Lorna to no end. It continued to make keeping up with her façade a greater, tiring, challenge. "Of course, of course I do, Nicky," she did her best to convince the other.
But Nicky was not convinced, not even close. "That's not true, baby, if you properly took care of yourself, you would talk about what's really going on with you. You put yourself on the backburner for everyone else and that shows that you don't care about yourself, Lorna." She brushed a thumb softly up and down her cheek, peering deeply into her brown eyes.
Lorna felt a lump sit in the pit of her stomach. Why did Nicky always have to tear down her walls so easily? It was as though the girl could see right through her or something. Even her sister had a challenging time with that. Yet, it seemed natural for Nicky to do so. All the more frustrated it made her feel to come to that conclusion. She yearned to be open with her, however, she had to remind herself that that wouldn't be of benefit to either of them. Nicky was already dealing with enough, she told herself, she wasn't about to add to the pile.
