Chapter Thirty-Two

The room was dark, only lit up by the moon shining in through the window. Lorna lay on her stomach upon the mattress of the bed, chin resting on her arms that were sprawled out in front of her. Her eyes observed every inch of her body; a lump melded in her throat when she realized how much fat there truly seemed to be displayed on not only her abdomen but thighs and upper arms as well. She switched her position from lying on her stomach to lying on her back. A sigh came up through her windpipe. She cautiously pulled her t-shirt up, exposing the flesh of her abdominal region, and peered down at it in a meticulous fashion.

Her hand reached down to touch the skin, she cringed at the flabbiness of it. Had she really let herself go that much? It felt like there was so much fat that she couldn't distinguish if there were any bones beneath her skin. Tears quickly lined the bottom of her eyes. Such sensation immediately surprised her, she hadn't realized she had any tears to shed. Rage boiled in her veins. Everything seemed to be closing in on her—her father's abuse, her sister's concern, Nicky's frantic worrying. It all suffocated her.

Heavily enthralled in her mind, she hadn't noticed the sound of the door creaking open and footsteps making their way in her direction. Not until they came into her line of view did she acknowledge the presence of another person. She swallowed thickly at the sight of Nicky standing at the end of the bed, eyes peering at her with a slightly agape mouth. Brusquely, Lorna reached for the ends of her t-shirt and harshly pulled it back over her bare stomach. She grabbed the comforter from beneath her, unfolding it just enough so that she could lie herself under it.

Without a word, the older teen situated herself on the bed beside her girlfriend. She curled up on her left side so that her eyes were facing Lorna's. A hand she cautiously reached in front of her to frame lovingly around a porcelain cheek. "What, uh, what were ya doing, doll?" There was a faint apprehension hidden in her tone; she peered attentively into the doe brown eyes of her beloved, saddened to see the faded tear stains beneath them.

Lorna swallowed a gob of saliva, shifting her eyes away from Nicky's. Ashamed that the redhead had walked in on her while she was checking the skin of her stomach. Guilt quickly molded onto her face. No one should have the disfavor of seeing any bare part of her appalling body, she silently affirmed. "Nothing, hon. I just—I'm exhausted. I wanna go to sleep," she whispered, letting her hands rest atop her now clothed stomach beneath the blanket. And not wake up, she mentally added.

"Okay, kid. We can talk about everything in the morning, yeah?" Nicky brushed a strand of hair delicately behind her ear, leaning closer so that her lips could stroke against the flesh of her forehead. "Can I hold you?"

The brunette felt her stomach do a somersault at such a tender inquiry. It was simply a sweet gesture for Nicky to ask such a question, she thought. She deterred her eyes back up at the other and nodded her head. "I—I would really like that, hon. You mean so much to me," her voice murmured breathily against Nicky's mouth as she gradually inched closer once she felt her body being engulfed in her arms. The second the pair embraced, Lorna felt all negative emotions finally dissipate.

Her arms wrapped protectively around the younger girl's waist, Nicky used them to gently pull her closer to her own body. She cupped her hand around the back of Lorna's head and placed it onto her steadily beating chest with her hand still cradled around the back of it. Lorna always managed to fill her with such warmth even when it was so blatant she was the one struggling. She instinctively moved herself closer to the smaller teen—if that was even possible with how close the two already lain next to each other—and rested her forehead atop hers.

"You mean so much to me, too, Lorna," her voice soft and warm against her girlfriend's lips. Their eyes locked together; she studied Lorna's closely, trying to read what she was feeling. A loose strand of hair fell over the flesh of her forehead and Nicky used her thumb to gently push it way. "I will always be here to hold and cuddle you, kid. I hope ya know ya don't ever have to be afraid to ask me to, yeah?"

The soothing sensation of Nicky's chest rising and falling beneath her head easily had Lorna's eyes gradually drooping shut. Her embrace made her feel safe—gave her a sense of affection and love that no one else had the capability of providing her with in the way her girlfriend seemed to be able to. She nonchalantly snuggled closer to Nicky, draping one arm around her abdomen and the other around her face. "I love you," the three words she settled on responding with, and they were meant with all of her heart. Her lips lightly pressed against Nicky's for a soft, sweet peck. In her heart, she didn't fully believe that she would ever deserve the love and adoration that Nicky so clearly had for her. Yet, she was too physically fatigued to worry about that now. All she wanted was to fall asleep cuddled up with the girl her heart yearned for.


The next morning came all too quickly to both teens' dismay. They were awoken by the warm sensation of sunlight pouring through the window right onto both of their faces. A disheveled groan came grudgingly from Lorna's throat as she lifted her hands to cover her eyes from the brightness of the sun. She felt Nicky's chest still there underneath her head, which only added to the distaste she held at the fact that morning was already upon them.

As much as she hadn't want to get up, she finally forced herself out of the bed and made her way to her dresser to search for a pair of clothes to change into for the day. She glanced back over at Nicky, who sat up now while rubbing her eyes to keep the sun out of them and remembered that their sleepover hadn't technically been a planned one. Which, she realized, meant Nicky certainly didn't have a change of clothes to put on for school.

"Ya want me to pick ya out somethin' to wear, hon? I forgot we didn't really think about that yesterday when we came here."

Stretching her arms over her head as if the motion would magically rip the sleepiness out of her, Nicky returned the brunette's gaze with widened eyes. Of course, she had no spare change of clothes for school nor had she even called Red the previous evening to let her know her whereabouts. Guilt quickly came to the surface. The sensation of guilt, however, made her realize just how much she treasured Red's presence in her life because she knew if it were Marka or Les, she wouldn't have cared to not have called them to tell them she wouldn't be home.

Momentarily she put her focus back on Lorna and shrugged her shoulders slightly. The offer was sweet, warming her heart, but she had a sense that the brunette's clothing would most-likely not be her size. "Aw, that's okay, kid, I can just wear what I have on. But I appreciate the offer," she softly informed her, finally jumping off of the bed and walking over to where her girlfriend stood. Her arms enveloped softly around Lorna's petite frame, pulling her closer as an automatic response.

"Why? Ya think my clothes are too big for ya, huh?"

Even Lorna was taken aback by the tone of her voice. The question alone came as a shock to herself, she couldn't fathom what possessed her to ask that out loud. Her eyes shifted down to her legs and she suddenly felt an insecurity like never before. Why was she the she way she was? The thought abruptly popped into her mind. An honest thought, nonetheless, that she wished she had an answer for.

"No, no, course' not," Nicky quickly stated, worry instantly taking up residency on her face.

She tightened her hold on the shorter girl, using one hand to cradle around the tip of her chin. In fact, the reason she decided against taking her up on said offer was quite the opposite. As the two of them stood there, her eyes finally soaked in all of Lorna's frame and she became aware, just then, the weight that she had clearly lost in the small amount of time the two of them had known each other. It was no wonder why her girlfriend's sister had been so frantically worried about her. Something clearly was going on with her.

Removing herself from the embrace, Lorna stood a few feet away. Her arms folded warily over her chest as she peered darkly ahead into Nicky's eyes. The skeptic within her convinced her to believe that the other's words weren't sincere. What other reason was there for her to refuse a pair of her clothes? Clearly, it had to be because her clothes were too loose for Nicky's very shapely form. She deterred her eyes down, once more, on her abdomen and gut that seemed to protrude out even further than it usually had.

An uneasy breath of air erupted from her lungs as she moved her arms from her chest and instead covered her gut with them. Ashamed for anyone else to have the displeasure of seeing any part of her heavy body. She did, however, shift her eyes back onto Nicky's face and finally opened her mouth to respond, "Then how come ya don't wanna borrow anything? Do you, do ya think my clothes would make ya look big like me or somethin'?"

Lorna's behavior quickly caused an unnerving sensation to loom over Nicky. When had she become so enthralled in her weight and whether or not she was too heavy or not? The query ran through her mind. It left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth to ponder over. The way Lorna covered her hands over her stomach made a breath hitch in her throat. She didn't know what to make of any of what was happening.

"No, Lorna, I don't think that at all. I just I don't want to wear your clothes in case something happens to it, ya know? What if I spill coffee or jam on it? I'd feel bad if I accidentally stained it, that's all. But I mean if you really want me to borrow an outfit, I will. Just please calm down, yeah?"

Rapidly, the panic disintegrated and in its place a smile formed. Lorna chuckled at the comment. Of course, a more simple answer would make sense to explain why her girlfriend had been so hesitant on wearing any of her clothes. She felt stupid for reacting the way she had, like an idiot honestly. Maybe she was crazy, mentally crazy. "I'm sorry, hon. I guess I was a little irrational. It's okay, I don't care if ya stain them. Lemme see what I can find ya," she apologized before going back to look in her drawers for a spare outfit.

Nicky watched her in silence. Still feeling unnerved over the whole ordeal that just took place. It was getting clearer every passing second how truly not okay Lorna was. And the more she observed her, the more she noticed. The more she realized how much she hadn't been paying close enough attention to the other girl. Such an obvious sign would have been her deteriorating frame and yet, it took her until now to finally see that. Guilt sat in her chest in the form of a tight knot. She couldn't let whatever this was continue, she thought, she refused to sit and watch Lorna wither away to nothing.


Once the two teens were dressed in their day clothes, the shorter one led them into the kitchen where she eagerly grabbed two mugs from one of the cabinets. Coffee had already been brewed in the pot, Lorna gratefully observed, as she went to grab it from underneath the filter. She carried the vessel over to the mugs she had previously set on the countertop, pouring the dark liquid into each one. After replacing the pot back under the machine, she went back to fix her own coffee with the usual cream and Splenda while handing the plain cup to Nicky.

As she sipped the bold beverage, she suddenly took notice of her older sister's sitting at the island with her phone held against her ear. By the tone of her voice, Lorna quickly perked her ears to try and listen in. It was growing apparent that whoever was on the other line clearly irritated the older brunette by the scowling expression that melded on her face. She leaned slightly against the counter while watching the interaction with intense eyes.

Franny sat with her shoulder holding the phone against her ear as she fixed her gaze on the window on the other side of the room. For it still in the depths of winter, seeing the sun shining through in such a bright manner surprised her. She reached for her half-drunken cup of coffee and sipped it slowly, listening to the officer on the other line irritatingly informing her on the whereabouts of her father. Her head shook with each word that came out of the other person's mouth. She much rather have found out that Mr. Morello had died than to hear he was in the hospital with a failing liver. Obviously failing from all the damn alcohol he chugged down, she thought.

The second the call ended she slammed her phone harsher than she had intended against the top of the counter. Her noisily action earned her the attention of the younger girls, who she had only now acknowledged were in the kitchen with her. Both were staring at her with curved eyebrows; clearly peaked in interest to find out what the phone call was about, Franny mindfully affirmed. She exhaled deeply before reaching for her coffee and finishing it off.

"Who were ya talkin' to, Fran?" Lorna broke the silence, peering up from her mug of coffee that she held to her lips.

"Just one a the officers who brought dad to the hospital last night," she answered with the roll of her eyes. The last thing on her mind was Mr. Morello and how he was doing. Not after what he put Lorna and her closest friend through the prior evening. He could rot in that damn hospital, she angrily thought.

Taking a sip of her own coffee, Nicky mechanically wrapped an arm around the waist of her girlfriend. She let her lips brush softly against the flesh of her cheek, focusing her eyes on Franny just the same. Her interest was peaked at the topic of the phone call she seconds ago had ended. On a dark, twisted, note, she discretely hoped that Mr. Morello was lying in that bed in the most excruciating pain possible. After what she witnessed him do to Lorna, he deserved to hurt a million times worse than what he caused his own daughter.

Panic gradually set in as the younger brunette tapped the tips of her fingers against the ceramic of the cup cradled in her hands. Her eyes peered attentively across into Franny's blue ones. "Oh, uh, is dad—is he all right?"

Was their dad all right? The question repeated silently in Franny's head. Clearly he hadn't been all right in years since he deemed it acceptable to abuse his own children and chase his daughter and her friend around the front yard with a gun. However, knowing that response would only cause an uproar of emotions, she settled on shrugging her shoulders and answering with, "He ain't dead, so yeah he's fine."

The comment caused an uneasiness to come over her. Maybe their father wasn't dead, Lorna thought, but that hadn't completely convinced her that he was fine. She swallowed a lump and fixed her eyes back on the taller brunette. "But if he's in the hospital that means something is wrong. Did they say why he's there? Is dad hurt?"

"Lorn, hon, ya ain't gotta worry about dad right now. It doesn't matter how he is—he could have killed both you and Nicky yesterday, that's what I'm worried about. And I'm sure Nicky is too. Dad can rot in that damn hospital bed he's lying in—"

"Franny, he's still our dad. We can't just abandon him because he's a little mean sometimes," Lorna defensively interjected, walking over to the other side of the kitchen to distance herself enough so that she was able to take in a decent breath of air. Even though deep down it was more relieving than anything to know her father was trapped in the hospital, the guilt of such sensation made defending him an instinctive response to her older sister's words. Her mind deemed that any positive feeling she got from Mr. Morello's being in the hospital showed what a cruel shell of a human she was.

"A little mean sometimes? Lorna, dad's an abusive drunk. Don't sugarcoat things. I know you're only fucking defending him because your friend is here and god for-fucking-bid she knows anything negative going on in your life, right?"

The bitterness in Franny's tone came as a shock to Lorna, who shifted her feet back and forth to calm her racing mind. She brought a hand up to her head and ran it through her hair, slicking it back in the process. There certainly was some honesty to the words that Franny spoke. Nicky's finding out about their father's abuse was something she never wanted to happen. Having her know would only make it all that much harder, she mentally affirmed. A tightness formed in her chest while her hands gripped knuckle-paling-tightly onto her coffee mug.

"I—I have to get ready for school," she quickly muttered, finishing off the coffee and tossing the cup into the sink.

However, before Lorna had the chance to walk through the archway that led back out to the living room, Franny hovered in front of it and glared rather darkly at the younger girl. Exasperation morphing into an unrelenting frustration. "God, Lorn, can ya ever just stop and talk about anything that's going on? Constantly running away from your problems is only gonna hurt ya in the long run and I can't keep watching you spiral like this. How the hell do ya expect to get through life like this? I sure hope you talk to your therapist more than the rest of us because someone has to fucking get through to ya, hon."

"I want—uh, I would like to go to the hospital and see mom…dad, I mean dad." The smaller brunette corrected herself hurriedly and then covered her mouth with both hands when she realized what she almost allowed to slip out. She felt like she was only digging herself further and further into a grave.

Observing the interaction between the sisters in silence, the concern Nicky already experienced fervently intensified. The mistakenly mention of her mother brought a wind of whirling questions through her mind. She couldn't remember ever hearing Lorna share anything about her mother with her aside from the one time she slyly stated that she was on a business trip. So, to say, in that moment her interest was peaked would be a vastly penetrating understatement.

Franny slammed her empty mug onto the island countertop and her glare deepened. "Mom? Tell me that's not another thing you're lying to her about?" She yelled out her query, pointing her finger desperately in Nicky's direction.

The question nearly caused Nicky to choke her on coffee. An unnerving sensation crept over her, she frantically turned her head to look between the two brunettes. She didn't know if she should say anything or just keep her mouth shut while they hashed out whatever it was that seemed to be needing hashed out.

Lorna swallowed a building ball of saliva and moved her feet from one position to another. Her hand grabbed onto her neck, rubbing it in a nervous manner. Beads of sweat slowly began to form through the pores of her flesh. Brown eyes averted from Franny over to Nicky and then finally settled on the window that slivered on the back door. "I want to drop by the hospital to check on dad, Fran. I meant to say dad, not mom. I mean one of us probably should call mom to tell her what happened," her shoulders bounced up in a shrug at her own suggestion. A suggestion that was meaningless and only stated to keep it consistent with the story she fed to Nicky.

"You know what? You're right let's fucking go and make sure dad's okay," the frustrated older sister agreed, even though she knew that was only to get Lorna in her car and to stop her from digging her own grave. She moved her eyes over at Nicky, "Why don't ya come with us, huh?"


Sitting in the back of the car with her three-year-old nephew, Lorna folded her arms displeasingly over her chest while throwing a glare towards Franny from her reflection in the rearview mirror. A pout molded on her face. Something about this whole thing hadn't felt right to her. Nicky and Franny sitting in the front together, and her in the back like she was a damn child. There had to be a reason for this. Were they plotting something? She shook her head. None of it made sense. Her mind was only coming up blank the more she pondered.

"Why am I sitting in the back like a little girl, Franny?"

Peering through the rearview mirror at her, the older brunette recoiled her shoulders in a muted shrug. She needed Lorna's friend in the passenger seat beside her in order to have the chance to talk to her and advise her of the plan she had brewing. A plan she had to be careful that her sister hadn't overheard hence having her sit with Marco in the back of the car. She turned out of the neighborhood, onto the freeway, before putting her attention back on Lorna.

"Because I need to talk to Nicky about something and you need to calm down. Ya've been high strung all morning, Lorn, just sit and relax. Do ya know how to do that?" Her eyebrows curved upward in synchronization with the inquiry she asked.

Lorna brought a hand up to her forehead, using it to rub at her temples. Her eyes shifted over on her nephew in the car seat beside her, he sat with a couple of toy cars in his hand oblivious to whatever else was going on around him. She sighed, somewhat envious of his oblivion. If only she could find something to escape herself into like the little boy was doing, she thought. With a heaping breath of air, she returned her focus back on her older sister. "Why do ya needa talk to Nicky? What, ya gonna gossip about how crazy ya think I am or somethin'?"

"Oh my god, Lorna, please. Do ya ever stop? I love ya but god, you're just too much sometimes. Ya really are, hon," Franny commented, using her knuckles to massage the side of her head at the sensation of a throbbing ache beginning to form. She shook her head as she came to a red-light, taking the time to peer back at the younger girl. A blatant fatigue emanating from her blue eyes.

Though there hadn't been any yelling or screaming, Lorna felt her body instinctively grimace at what her older sister said. The words reminded her slightly of their father. Of course, he always spoke to her in a highly demeaning manner and never meant anything from a place of love or caring. "Hmm, maybe that's why dad chooses to hit me so much. To shut me up," she muttered mutedly, keeping her eyes fixed on her lap. A valid conclusion, she believed, it was the only plausible explanation for Mr. Morello's abuse of her. The only reason that seemed even a slight bit justifiable for his actions, she tried to convince herself.

Both girls in the front two seats felt their eyes automatically widen after hearing the words that poured from Lorna's mouth—words she probably thought weren't loud enough to be heard, too. They shared a quick glance but then all of them jolted somewhat at the vibration of the car from the horn stridently going off. Franny finally realized she had slammed her fist onto the middle part of the steering wheel and removed it swiftly. Her eyes deterred back on Lorna.

"Do ya think that makes it okay for dad to hurt you, Lorn?" She queried barely louder than a whisper, still taken aback by the comment her sister previously made.

Lorna swallowed thickly, turning head to glance out the window. An uneasiness took up form in her stomach. "I mean I-I guess. I don't know. I just, I'm tryna make sense of why dad does what he does."

Hearing Lorna was subtly implying that she deserved any form of abuse from anyone quickly boiled a rage in Nicky's blood. Her head shook angrily at the thought. A wretched, twisted, maddening thought. She inhaled sharply, in an attempt to keep the fury from manifesting physically. Instead, she turned her head slightly to peer behind her directly into Lorna's brown eyes. Her breath hitched; she yearned to take the petite girl into her arms and cuddle away all of her pain.

Franny used a hand to push back her hair, suddenly feeling unnerved and unsure of how to respond to her sister's statement. It didn't sit well with her, that was for sure. A knot melded into the pit of her stomach. How could Lorna even rationalize something so twisted? "We're gonna talk more about this after I drop Marco off at preschool. I just—I have words I can't say in front of him. Jesus, Lorna," she whispered the last part, rubbing violently at her temples.


The second the car pulled into a spot in the parking lot of an oddly familiar building—however a building that clearly was not the hospital—Lorna's eyes widened rather strongly when she peeked out the window and slowly realized where Franny had driven them. She swallowed the lump that had formed when she became aware of what building they were parked in front of. Her heart started to race inside her chest, she folded her arms over it to calmly slow the rate down as well as display the distaste she felt with their current surroundings.

"This is not the hospital, Franny. Why the hell are we sitting in the parking lot of my shrink's office?"

"We're at your therapists' office because you need to meet with her and talk about whatever it is you're keeping from the resta us. I am at my wits end with you, I don't know how to help you," her voice raw with emotion as she shut off the car and pushed open the driver side door. It wasn't something she had particularly been fond of admitting to, however, she knew she had no idea how to properly help Lorna through any of this when it was very clear how in denial she'd been of so many things.

Shaking her head in irritation, the younger brunette didn't budge from her seat. No, rather, she sat with her legs crossed over one another and defiantly folded her arms over her rapidly beating chest. To claim she was pissed over the situation would be wrong, she bit the bottom of her lip, and glared painfully ahead at Franny—who now stood outside of the vehicle, impatiently waiting for her to follow suit. It wasn't anger she felt so much as it was hurt. Hurt that Franny would trick her, make her believe they were going to visit their father in the hospital when in actuality she knew full well that she was driving her to the therapists' office.

Franny sucked in a crisp breath of air. The morning sun set high in the sky, tricking the mind that it was a warm day when the temperature hadn't been much more than thirty-two degrees. She shuddered at the realization. Maybe that was karma for what she'd done to her sister, she pondered. Even though she only did so out of love and concern for her. Her eyes wandered to the back window, she felt her heart ache at the disdain that expressed itself on Lorna's pale face. She knew her actions were certainly the culprit of such.

She walked over to the door on the side where Lorna occupied, slowly opening it and giving an intent stare down at her. "Come on, Lorn, I know you're mad but we're already here. This will be good for ya."

Snapping her head quite violently in the other's direction, Lorna shook her head sadly at her. The whole ordeal was something she would have expected from Mr. Morello, not Franny. The one family member who always so passionately supported her or so she thought. It stung, it stung a lot. Like a swarm of wasps had taken over her body. "I'm not mad, Fran, I'm hurt. You, you lied to me. And anyway I don't have an appointment for another two weeks so ya just wasted all of our time. Me and Nicky are gonna be late to school because of you."

"I know, and ya have every right to be upset with me but, Lorn, I only did this to help you. I already called the office earlier and convinced them to change your appointment to today. The only reason I lied to ya was because I know how you are. You would have run away or something, I just I'm more than worried about you and I have a feeling Nicky is too. That's why I asked her to come, it'll be good for the both of ya. And, after this, I promise if you really want to that I'll take us to visit dad at the hospital."