Chapter Seventy-Eight

The time was nearing seven in the evening when Alex happened to be interrupted from her book by the sound of her doorbell's going off. Within seconds of hearing the sound she was bookmarking the novel in her hands and setting it on the coffee table directly in front of the sofa she'd been sprawled out on. Eyebrows ponderously curved up above her eyes. She hadn't been expecting any visitors to drop by. Shrugging her shoulders, she got up from the couch and walked briskly to the front door to open it.

Standing on the other side of her now opened front door was Nicky—a slightly more disheveled Nicky than she was used to seeing. Alex turned her head and gave a hard glance over her. She stepped aside after a long minute, gesturing with her hands for the teen to come inside. Once Nicky had abided by her nonverbal request, Alex shut and relocked the door. Though the neighborhood she lived in was relatively safe, she found locking the door soothed her nerves. Living alone since her mother's passing brought back a small volume of her childhood fears.

She twisted around so that she was facing Nicky again and easily noted the fatigue which emanated from her eyes. A slight frown formed on her face. Nicky was clearly spending every last ounce of her energy on her girlfriend—and of course, that was sweet but if she refused to take care of herself how long would she be able to keep going before she collapsed?

Forcing the thoughts away, at least momentarily, Alex waved her hand for Nicky to follow her into the kitchen. The least she could do for her friend was fix a fresh pot of coffee. Even though it was past seven—they could manage it. Coffee wasn't illegal after a certain time. She had to stifle a chuckle that nearly came out of her at her own mindful banter. Her throat was cleared as a way to bring herself out of her head once again. She got the coffee pot ready with water and two heaping scoops of ground coffee beans. While it started to heat the water, she went to grab two ceramic mugs from one of the cabinets above.

"What brings ya by, Nichols? Not that I mind, just wasn't expecting anyone dropping by this late," Alex queried while setting the cups on the Formica countertop beside the gradually brewing pot of coffee.

An innate snicker escaped from Nicky's windpipe upon hearing what was stated to her. She leaned her side against the rim of the counter she'd been standing near and turned her head towards the taller woman a few feet away. "You think this is late? It's hardly past seven o'clock, Vause, damn. Ya sure you're twenty and not two hundred?" Another snicker made its way through.

"Real funny," the black-haired woman jokingly retorted. Her eyes watched as the last of the dark liquid dripped into the vessel underneath the filter and once she was certain it was completely finished brewing, she grabbed it from the station and brought it over to pour inside the two mugs she'd previously placed beside the coffee maker.

One was kept in its spot, claimed for herself, and the other she carefully handed it to Nicky. She grew serious once more, after having reclaimed her spot near her awaiting cup of coffee, and shook her head sadly. "You look like you've been spending twenty-four seven in the hospital with Lorna, kid. I don't mean that as an insult, more as a comment of concern for you," Alex informed her upon looking her over for the second time since she'd allowed her inside only moments ago.

Sipping her coffee savoringly, Nicky curved her lips into a faint smirk before it dissipated like the sun in the sky as soon as evening time hit. A breath exhaled from her lungs after she swallowed the perfectly hot liquid swirling about her mouth. Her head shook slightly, her friend knew her too well sometimes. Way too well. Almost suffocatingly too well. Eyes widened. Was that how Lorna felt all the time over everyone fussing about her and what she was going through? No wonder Lorna got frustrated rather easily—it wasn't easy keeping things to oneself when certain people found one to be highly transparent.

"Well, ya caught me. I've been there overnight with her yesterday and I spend the majority of the day with her. She needs me, Vause. A lotta shit happened to her. Bad shit and I need to be there. But I guess even Lorna thought I was spending too much time there because she kicked me out for the night," Nicky muttered, shoulders recoiling up to the sides of her face. Maybe not so much as kicked her out but lovingly nudged her to take a night off.

Alex mirrored the redhead by lifting her own mug and taking a large sip of the coffee within it. When she swallowed it down, she replaced the mug back where it previously rested on the counter and stepped a few feet forward so that she could easily place a hand on either one of Nicky's shoulders. "Did she really kick ya out? That doesn't seem like her—Lorna's too nice to just shove ya on outta there, Nicky."

Nodding in agreement, Nicky chuckled warmly. Lorna was certainly way too sweet to just force her out of her hospital room. But leaving her—even if Lorna profusely assured her it was perfectly fine for her to do so—felt like she was being kicked out. She loathed the idea of Lorna spending the night all alone in that place. A place that was completely safe and full of people who could very easily help Lorna if something were to have gone wrong. She knew Lorna would be okay there but it still left her feeling vastly uneasy now knowing everything that had happened to her. All the evil, cruel, disturbing shit that happened to her sweetheart of a girlfriend.

A sigh was pushed out of her throat. She swallowed and tried to pry herself from her thoughts. Thoughts that were trying to suffocate her it seemed like. One of the reasons she found herself having coffee with Alex in Alex's house now. She needed a distraction from her ever active mind. Because she knew if she sat at home with the thoughts that eventually she'd give into her desire for heroin. The only stash that remained in her possession which she had tried to steer clear of. Heroin was the one thing that could give her a moment of peace. A moment of damn silence. And if she let herself have it, she knew she'd be doing exactly the damn opposite of what she was encouraging Lorna to do with her eating disorder. What kind of credibility would she have if she just gave the fuck in to her own addiction? Addiction? Her eyebrows arched several inches when she realized what slipped into her mind. Since when was she admitting to having an addiction?

"You okay?" Alex gently asked after a few minutes passed and no response was given. She patted one of her hands softly atop Nicky's shoulder in the hopes of bringing her out of her head. At least by the expression on her face that was what she assumed was going on—that Nicky was too engulfed in her own head.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good. I'm good," the young teen mumbled, busying herself by grabbing a hold of her coffee mug and sipping down the rest of what was inside it. Now she was doing what Lorna always did. Saying she was good when it was clear as fucking shit that she wasn't. Double standards much? She asked herself. How the hell could she ever expect Lorna to be open and honest with her when she now turned around and did the same damn thing?

Nicky watched as Alex picked up her cup and started walking back towards the living room. Naturally, she followed behind—though, since she'd already finished the coffee, left her cup sitting on the counter vacant. Alex settled back onto the sofa she'd been sitting on before Nicky's arrival and Nicky perched herself on the other side of it, situating herself so that she was sitting Indian-style with her body twisted slightly to the right.

The two shared a glance from their separate spots. It took less than a minute for Alex to come to the conclusion that Nicky's proclamation of being good was nothing more than a lie. She huffed out a sigh, sipping her coffee and placing it onto a coaster on the end-table on the other side of the arm of the sofa. "Good, are ya? You don't look it, kid. You look a little rough. You taking care of yourself? You know ya gotta take care of yourself, too, right? What good are you to Lorna if you're not okay, yeah?"

Hearing that simply caused a chuckle to sound through Nicky's larynx. Alex was what she was to Lorna it seemed like—but, of course, in only the utmost of platonic ways. It made sense, though, the two had been best friends for two years—verging on three. Alex had a pretty good sense when something was up with her, she knew, and vice versa. That was a normal best friend thing. It would be completely the opposite of normal if neither of them had the ability to tell when one was upset by something or not.

"No, I mean—I guess I'm not entirely good right now. But you have no fucking clue what Lorna's been through, Vause. If you knew what I know, you would understand why I really hate leaving her side. I fucking hate it. But fuck... Lorna—the sweet angel she is—pleaded for me to go home tonight. So I listened. Very reluctantly but I listened, that gets me points right?"

The two simultaneously snickered and Nicky sighed.

Her lungs filled back up with air while her hands mindlessly messed about with the string on the waistband of the sweatpants she'd changed into before driving over to Alex's house. "Honestly, you wanna know why I dropped by without notice?"

Giving a slow nod of her head, Alex carefully scooted down a little so that she was closer to her friend. Since she had an inkling a comforting embrace might be needed in the near future. "Of course. You can talk to me about it. I know ya wouldn't just stop over if there wasn't something serious going on. No matter what it is I'm glad ya came—You'll always be my best friend and I'll always be here for you," she gently reassured the other, reaching a hand over to cup around one of Nicky's.

A small smile was given. Quickly, however, the smile faded into a frown and an uneasiness formed in her gut in the mold of a knot. A tight, distressing, knot that felt like it was everything she'd heard Lorna reveal during the therapy session earlier in the morning. The pain of what Lorna had to endure at the fucking hands of her own uncle—which her own father just let fucking happen, it deepened the knot tremendously each time she thought about it. Made every strand of hair stick up on her arms, her legs, her fucking scalp.

The only thing that brought her out of the whirling, firing, emotions was the tapping of Alex's fingers against the top of her hand. She swallowed down the building rage the best she could. "I figured coming here would be a better alternative to using the heroin I have stashed in my room." Speaking the statement left her with a sour taste upon her tongue. She was disappointed with herself for even thinking about taking it and using it—that would have easily been one of the stupidest things she could have done. Especially at a time like this when her girlfriend needed her to be stable. And, obviously, if she got high on heroin she wouldn't be the stable person her sweet Lorna needed.

"Well, I'm proud of you for choosing to come here instead of using. That's a good sign, Nicky, it shows you really are trying. But god, what made you even want to do it in the first place? Do I wanna know?"

"Thanks, Al, but I'm mad at myself for even contemplating on it for as long as I did. How can I sit with Lorna and plead with her to stop starving herself but then here I am deciding whether I should take fucking heroin or not, ya know? How fucked up is that?" Anger intensified the more she spoke her thoughts aloud. The more she pondered over the events of the day. The events of Lorna's past. She bit harshly down on her tongue and shook her head violently. "Do you wanna know? Probably not, it's sick. Totally sick and twisted. I'm gonna tell ya anyway because if I keep it in I guarantee ya I'll explode. Right here right now."

Observing the ever growing tension, Alex moved even closer and wrapped a comforting arm around Nicky's shoulder. Using it to pull her in for a clearly needed embrace. An embrace she hoped would ease away some of Nicky's anger. "Of course, go on and tell me. Does this have to do with you or Lorna or both? That part ya haven't really made clear," she wondered, looking down at her with intriguingly curved eyebrows.

A snuffle pierced through her nose. Nicky robotically tapped her foot against the tiled floor it rested on and shifted her eyes onto the window a few feet over from the front door. "It has to do with Lorna. I was with her for her therapy appointment outta support for her and I learned some shit. Real bad shit that's happened to her, Vause. Like evil bad. Fucking evil bad shit. And you have no fucking clue how much I want to get revenge on the people who caused her this evil bad shit. That's why I was thinking about using the heroin—to numb my fucking brain. The rage is consuming me. I want to hurt the people who hurt Lorna. So bad—so, so, bad."

"What, uh, what kinda evil bad shit are ya talking about here?" The question nervously came from Alex's mouth. Arm slightly tightening around the younger girl as a way to somehow keep her together. Or at least she was hoping it would do that. She knew exactly how impulsive Nicky could be and knew when it came to Lorna it would take a lot more than an embrace to retain her from seeking justice. Well, what she thought to be justice, anyway.

Nicky lifted a hand up to her head and twirled a finger around a random strand of her own red hair. "She's been abused. Sickly abused by her own uncle and her dad fucking knew about it and didn't give a shit—fuck, he encouraged it. He encouraged Lorna's uncle to hurt her, Vause, in the sickest way imaginable. His own daughter. Like how the hell fucked up of a person do ya have to be to let your own child be fucking sexualized by another damn grown man? I mean I thought Lorna's father was bad before…but now, fuck, he's Satan himself. I fucking swear he is. Only Satan would fucking find pleasure in the sick shit that was done to her."

Instinctively, Alex pulled her closer and stroked a hand soothingly up and down her back to try to ease away some of the agony tearing through her body at the moment. She'd never witnessed anything quite like what she was now. Grant it, given what Nicky had just disclosed, it was completely understandable the reason for her unrelenting rage. The reason she was witnessing something she hadn't been accustomed to witnessing. Hell, now she could whole-heartedly see why Nicky had been contemplating over whether to take heroin or not. Having the details of what the girl she loved had been through—it was too much for her to sit with. Of course heroin would pop into her mind. Because heroin could numb out the thoughts, the feelings. And she knew Nicky wasn't fond of feelings and emotions. So, it all fell into place for her now.

Inhaling slowly—deeply—she turned her head and peered solemnly into Nicky's brown eyes. Brown eyes that held quite a bit of pain in them now. She frowned. "Shit, Nichols, are ya saying she was abused…erm…sexually? I mean I remember ya sayin' how her dad had been abusive to her but I didn't think you meant he was…you know, inappropriately touching her. Jesus. No, Satan," the words tasted bitter as she spoke them. It made her sick inside to even think about the possibility. She couldn't imagine what Nicky was feeling let alone Lorna herself.

Grinding down on her teeth was the only way she could retain the majority of the rage firing through her veins. Her hands were brought to the sides of the top of her head and pushed back at her thick mane of hair. For a second she wished she had chosen the heroin instead of being a good girl who came to her friend's house—at least she would have been high and not fucking pissed the hell off. "Yeah, un-fucking-fortunately, I am. She was sexually molested by her uncle. She didn't say her dad did but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if he had. Her father is just as evil as her uncle." Nicky forced herself to pause right there and take a breath—or a few breaths.

The rage was eating her alive. The more she talked about it the angrier she fucking got. The more she fucking desired heroin instead of this conversation. But, no, she had to make the right decision. She just had to. Damn her sweet Lorna for turning her into a decent human being, she thought. A decent human being who at this particular moment harbored a strong desire to murder both Mr. Morello and Lorna's uncle. Anyone who hurt Lorna in such a vile, disgusting, way deserved to be killed. And tortured.

"Her father—he fucking told her uncle to punish her however the hell he wanted. So basically he gave his brother fucking permission to sexualize the hell out of my girlfriend. My sweet damn angel of a girlfriend. I can't – I can't fucking wrap my head around how another human being could do something like that. How a fucking dad could just act like his daughter is a piece of property…it makes me fucking sick, Alex. Sick as hell."

"When, when did this all happen? Is this recent? Fucking Christ."

Nicky swallowed hard. That was the worst part of it all, she thought, was when it happened. She grinded even further onto her teeth which really did nothing to calm her anger or cease her mind from thinking up scenarios on how she could seek revenge on those two demented demons. "No, it wasn't recent. Lorna said it happened when she was eleven. That was fucking four years ago—she's been living with this sick secret for four fucking years, Al. Can you imagine what the fuck that's done to her? I just—I'm so mad; so unbelievably, indescribably, mad. How could I be in a relationship with her for months and not have seen the damn signs?"

"How about you just take a minute and catch your breath, yeah? It's not your fault you didn't know, Nicky. You're not blaming yourself are ya? You know damn well Lorna would never want you to blame yourself for anything." Alex did her best to try and calm away the continuing anger inflecting itself through Nicky's voice and demeanor. She tightened her arms slightly, not wanting the younger girl to give into the rage telling her to pursue revenge on the men who brought unimaginable amount of pain to the person she loved so dearly.

Yet, a sickness of her own formed in the pit of her stomach. Being told what and when the incident took place left a bitter taste in her mouth. No wonder Nicky was so heavily craving and desiring payback on the two people who were the cause of Lorna's pain. What they did to her was pure evil—downright disgusting. Though she had not been given specific details as to what truly happened, she didn't need them to know how fucking twisted and perverted the behavior was. To sexually abuse an eleven year old child—she shook her head distastefully, to do something so vile as that one had to be a monster. Or the devil. Or fucking both. Fuck. Not just had to be one of the two, they were a devilish monster because only a devilish monster would do something as heinous as take—or attempt to take—an innocent child's virginity from them. A normal, good, person would never even think to take part in such a cruel act.

Take a breath. Take a minute to breathe. Head shook rapidly, violently, at the statement. A statement that was nothing more than a damn statement. A statement that would do nothing to make anything fucking better. Taking a breath would not undo what was fucking already done to Lorna. Taking a breath would not magically fix the problem. It wouldn't take away her anger or desire for revenge. It wouldn't make Lorna feel any better. Wouldn't change what happened from happening in the first place. No, no, no. Nicky did not need to just take a damn minute and breathe. That was counter fucking productive, she deemed. Absolutely counter fucking productive. How could she make things right if she was just sat there catching her breath?

Ironically, however, as she was sitting with her piercing thoughts, a heaping breath of air did expel quite sharply from her mouth. Not planned at all and after its release from her body, she felt no difference. No easing of the rage, no less wanting to choke the hell out of Mr. Morello and whoever the hell Lorna's uncle George happened to be. All those feelings were still inside of her. Still boiling through each fucking one of her veins. She reached a hand up and placed it on one of her temples, rubbing at it rather harshly.

Sitting there was only adding to the anger, the agitation. Nicky pushed herself out of Alex's embrace and up from the sofa, slowly beginning to walk about the room in circles. The room was too small and there wasn't enough air to breathe in. So, even if she wanted to take Alex's advice, she couldn't with the limited air quantity.

Fuck, she thought as she sped up each time she walked another circle, she should have stuck to her original plan and stayed home with her tiny stash of heroin. The heroin would have at least numbed her the hell out. Subdued the never-ending emotions whirling through her head. Her head that right now felt like it weighed more than whatever the house she was in currently weighed. It was pounding so hard she would not have been surprised if it just pounded right the fuck off of the rest of her body.

Alex remained in her spot, watching helplessly as one of her best friends paced around her living room in clear agony. Agony which she wasn't entirely sure how she could be of help to her right now. It was hard to see Nicky like this, struggling so much and not know what she could possibly do for her. She certainly couldn't go back in time and stop the incident from happening to Lorna—obviously what Nicky likely wanted most as she angrily frisked from one side of the room to the next.

A sigh came through her larynx. Eyes saddened but never faltering from Nicky. At least Nicky chose to come to her instead of reaching for the heroin, she reminded herself. If nothing else, she was able to keep her from using. Which was definitely a good thing given the current circumstances. With everything going on with Lorna and Nicky the last thing any of them needed was Nicky's using drugs. That would only add more fuel to the already burning fire.

She allowed the pacing to go on for another couple of minutes before finally intervening. Carefully she got up from the couch as well and made her way to where Nicky was, grabbing her a little more firmly by the shoulders than she planned but it was probably a safe move on her behalf. Nicky stopped now that she was constrained by Alex's grip and Alex moved her hands from her shoulders up to her face, turning it so that she could stare sternly into her eyes.

"You have every right to be angry and upset, Nicky. What happened to Lorna is fucked up," she assured her, keeping her voice even and stern. Her hands kept a tight grasp on her cheeks. "But if you're thinking about seriously going after Lorna's uncle and dad, murdering them…Nicky that won't solve anything. That would only do more harm than good. You'd end up in prison and Lorna would be heartbroken not having you."

Sucking in her lower lip, Nicky rolled her eyes but nodded her head curtly. Though she strongly believed both of those men should pay for their wrongdoings with their lives, she wasn't stupid. She knew she couldn't actually murder them even if she really fucking wanted to. Lorna needed her. And if she killed either one of those two dick-sticks, she couldn't properly be there for Lorna. So, despite the longing urge, Nicky made up her mind early on that killing them was not an option for her. She wouldn't risk going away to prison and leaving Lorna behind for those two demons.

"I know, Vause, I know. Okay? I'm not gonna fucking kill them. I just want to. Really fucking bad. But I won't because you're right. It won't do any good. It won't take any of the pain they already caused Lorna away. And I don't want her to be left without me because of my impulsivity. But those two fuck heads still need to pay for the shit they did to her. I don't think it's fair that they can still be enjoying life while my precious girlfriend is fucking suffering so damn bad that she resorts to causing her own pain. Because of those two fucking monsters. They scarred my Lorna so badly that she wants to hurt herself. She likes torturing and tormenting herself, Alex. She fucking thinks it's normal to constantly hurt and feel like shit. She normalized the pain because of what those monsters did to her, what they probably put in her head."

The frown on Alex's face only intensified after hearing Nicky's rage-driven speech. Never in a million years would she have ever imagined what kind of hell Lorna had been through. Even Franny never talked about anything of the sort during their work shifts. And Franny would inadvertently allow a lot of things to slip from her mouth when they were barista-ing together. But given the sick, demented, details, Alex could see why Franny would never let something like this slip out. This was certainly the most fucked up thing Alex ever heard. Sure, she knew things like this happened all the time all over the world but never once did she believe one of her friends could be the victim of such cruelty.

A bit of anger was gradually starting form within her own self the more her mind pondered on the disclosers she'd been given all within the past forty minutes. She shook her head and drew in a breath. One of them had to stay level-headed and clearly that person had to be her, she prompted herself. Both of them getting mad and upset wouldn't undo what already happened. Wouldn't magically make it all better. She took in a couple more deep breaths and soon felt the anger dwindle away.

"Well you're right that those two shouldn't be living free after what they did to Lorna. They should be in prison, rotting like every other sick pedophile and child molester," Alex commented, slightly gritting her teeth to keep her words steady. She peered into Nicky's eyes and when she saw how truly distressed she was, her arms automatically wrapped around her and pulled her in for a soothing embrace. "I'm so sorry, Nicky. For both you and Lorna. This shit isn't gonna be easy to deal with. What do you mean Lorna's torturing and tormenting herself?"

Nicky swallowed a lump that had been sitting in the back of her throat for the past several minutes and mentally debated whether to tell the whole truth to Alex or just the gist of it. It certainly hadn't felt like it was her place to tell her what Lorna was dealing with but she'd already overshared with the uncle incident, what was a little more? A breath expelled through her lungs. It wasn't like she was telling Alex out of spite or anything, she just needed her and others to understand how deeply scarred Lorna was from what was done to her.

"It's a more subtle way I guess that she's been torturing herself. I mean it took me until recently to fucking realize it so she's pretty good at keeping up her 'I'm okay' charade," she finally answered, throwing her hands up to emphasize her point. But then a scoff came out and she smacked her hands together. "Or we're all just blind and stupid—"

The sound of her phone going off instantly interjected the conversation. Seeing Lorna's name appear her heart-rate fastened tremendously.