Chapter Seventy-Nine

Nervously but rapidly clicking the accept call button, Nicky pressed the phone tightly to one of her ears and forced a smile to her face as she focused her eyes out onto one of the barren walls behind where she and Alex were standing. Once she felt Alex's arms release from around her, she ventured slowly into the kitchen just so she could half lean herself against the rim of one of the counters. "Hey, kid," she softly murmured into the receiver, trying to keep her voice steady despite the apprehension heavily looming through her in that moment.

"Hey, uh, hon. I just wanted to call and check on ya," was Lorna's sheepish response on the other line. Her head rested on the pillow beneath as she held the phone to her ear with one of her shoulders. Guilt set in the pit of her stomach in the form of a knot. A reason she hadn't understood why. Maybe she felt guilty so much that it became a constant feeling. A feeling that would never truly go away. The guilt would be there no matter what, even if there was no true reason to feel such a way. Like now. She couldn't figure out what was making her so damn guilty.

Apprehension swiftly transformed into a warmth rushing through her. Nicky sighed in relief, grateful that at least there wasn't anything terrible happening to make Lorna call her. What she had expected after talking so much about the incident. Her mind had been engulfed vastly with all that information she assumed the second she saw Lorna's number appear on her phone something bad was going on. To say she was calmed now would be a bit of an understatement.

"Aw, doll, I'm good. I decided to go to Alex's house, and believe it or not she's about to turn two hundred," Nicky lightened the mood with a joke. She needed to hear Lorna's laugh. Something innocent and precious to calm her anger even more. She needed a break from the rage, the fury—it was wreaking havoc on her and draining her energy quite profusely.

As if she transported her thoughts directly into Lorna's brain, a warm giggle was heard through the phone and whatever unwanted emotions had been left were instantly washed away by the angelic sound.

Lorna turned on her side, a small smile on her face, and lifted a hand up to cradle around the back of the phone so it didn't fall from her ear. "Two hundred? Wow, she looks young for her age," she continued the joke, eyes peering ahead into nothing. It was comforting having Nicky's voice speaking into her ear—a good distraction after the events of the day…or few days, hell few months.

Nodding, Nicky stood up straight and walked over to the window by the sink to stare out at the stars now shinning brightly in the sky. God was it beautiful, she thought. Not nearly as beautiful as the person she was currently on the phone with but beautiful, nonetheless. She felt her lips curl into a smile and let her body naturally press up against the edge of the sink so that she had a better view of what lie on the other side of the window her eyes continued to peer out of.

"Yeah, I showed up here and she said it was late. Late, kid, can ya believe that? Vause thinks seven in the evening is late. I thought she was only twenty but clearly she's an old lady in the body of a twenty-year-old," a chuckle followed directly after the words were spoken. She instinctively reached a hand out in front of her and let it fall onto the pane of window, not once having moved her eyes from off of it. The sight was too mesmerizing for her to look away.

"Oh, hon, you're so funny. I know you think seven in the evening is basically morning, don't you? You're a real night owl—what're you and Alex doing? I wish I was there instead of this boring hospital. I hope you two are doing something fun and have fun for me too."

A hard swallow took place the same time Lorna spoke into the receiver on the other end of the phone. Her heart cracked in half a faint amount hearing the sparse sadness trying to disguise itself from Lorna's voice. She, too, wished Lorna was there with them. Being a regular teenager like she and the rest of their high school. But, instead, thanks to her evil father and uncle, she was stuck in the hospital from the deep-rooted scars their actions left her with. Deep-rooted scars that clearly made her believe she needed to feel pain in order to live and function like the rest of society.

She pushed aside the running thoughts and rested her free hand on her cheek. A breath huffed out of her. "We're just chillin', kid, ain't nothing exciting going on. I wish you were here with us, too, but ya need to be in the hospital until the doctor clears ya. How are you feeling? Are you sure you're okay? Do ya need anything, babe?"

Shaking her head automatically despite the fact that Nicky would be unable to see it, Lorna pulled the cover up even further and a silent yawn escaped from her open mouth. She let the tips of her fingers brush softly along the edge of her phone she held to her ear. "I'm fine, hon. I just wanted to call and make sure you were okay. I know today was hard on ya, I felt bad telling you to leave but you need to look after yourself, Nicky. I love you so much and yeah, I want you with me but I also don't want ya burning yourself out because of me. And ya been here nonstop the past couple a nights so I just I thought you could use a night in your own bed, ya know?" She continued stroking the phone with the tips of her fingers. Wishing it was Nicky's cheek she was stroking rather than the cold metal of her cellular device.

Digging her elbows into the rim of the sink countertop, Nicky's shoulders shifted as a breath of air heavily forced itself out through her nose. A few stars twinkled in the sky and she felt a small sense of peace. She needed to keep calm. Lorna certainly didn't need to witness her anger right there on the phone. When it sounded like she was feeling rather fine for a change—or neutral, Nicky corrected. Lorna wasn't fine. She was struggling and there was no sugarcoating or denying it.

"You're sweet, kid, ya know that?" Nicky murmured and Lorna giggled.

God, she could fucking listen to that giggle for an eternity and never get sick of it. Fuck, Nicky thought after, she was turning into mush when it came to Lorna. Before the pair became a couple, Nicky would have never been caught alive saying half the things she so effortlessly said to Lorna. Hell, she was even starting to actually believe soulmates were a thing. Who knew love could change so much about a person?

Sighing, Nicky emerged from her thoughts and walked away from the sink. Instead, she decided on going out the kitchen door to get some fresh air while continuing the conversation with Lorna. It was a little chilly as she carefully shut the door behind her but the view was too stunning to pass up. A wicker chair was off to the side of the door she noticed out of the corner of her eye and marched her way to it, sitting down with one leg crossed over the other.

"I hate not being there with you, though. Especially now after everything that's happened. I just wanna be by your side and protect you, Lorna. You're the sweetest person and you don't deserve anything that's been done to you. You know that, right?"

Despite the violent shake of her head and knotted sensation in her stomach, Lorna pursed her lips into a smile and tightened her grip on the phone. At least Nicky couldn't see her expression or body-language when she was speaking. She'd lie now but, she wanted to keep the peace for the time being. Wanted to make sure Nicky had no worries or fears for one damn night. Nicky deserved that. "I know, hon. It's okay, though, I'll be okay alone tonight. I want you to worry about you, please. I love you, Nicky, I love having you here but I know you're neglecting yourself. So promise me you'll get some rest tonight and do something that makes you happy. You're allowed to be happy even if I'm not there, honey. I still love you and I'm not gonna stop. I want you to be happy no matter what," Lorna tenderly assured the older teen. Fingers stroking softly near the bottom of the phone.

Nicky inwardly sighed and held the phone against her ear with shoulder so that she could take her own face in both of her hands. Eyes gazed into the darkness of the night, catching the twinkling of a star in the distance. What the hell did she ever do to deserve someone as precious as Lorna Morello in her life? She shifted her position on the chair so that her legs were curled up instead of hanging over the edge. There was nothing she could think of, at least not on the top of her mind, that she ever did that warranted her having earned such an angel for her girlfriend.

Snuffling in some air through the nostrils of her nose, Nicky gradually brought her focus right back to the phone conversation outside of her head. "I love you too, doll," her voice not louder than a mere whisper. She sighed and continued to gaze out into the starry night. The longer she stared the more her thoughts drifted. Suddenly, her eyes were squinting into the abyss. "Hey, uh, Lorna?"

Lorna naturally poked her head up and then mutedly snickered at herself when she remembered Nicky was calling out through the phone. She changed what side she was resting on before acknowledging Nicky's request. "Yeah, hon?" Her hand that wasn't pressing the phone to her ear she moved to the blanket, letting her fingers trace circles around the threaded fabric. The slight unease spilling from her girlfriend's tone perked up her concern.

Another deep breath was taken slowly in. A hard swallow of the intensifying lump shortly followed. It wasn't her intent to ruin the light-hearted mood of the call but Lorna's words from their time in the cafeteria still rang through her mind and she couldn't stop from wondering if when she left Lorna did anything to herself. Wondered if the only reason Lorna truly encouraged her to go home for the night was so that she could be alone to harm—or as she heard Lorna put it, punish herself.

"You haven't tried to do anything to yourself since I left, have you?" Nicky loathed that she had to ask such a question but she couldn't live with the worry. She couldn't live with fear that Lorna was destructing her health even more than she already had.

"What? No, hon, course' not. I just been layin' here watching TV and talkin' to Franny…she called right before you did. I promise, Nicky, it's all good," the brunette hurriedly responded back, hoping to God Nicky believed her. She wasn't going to add anymore agony to Nicky's heart. There was already so much there from her behavior, she wouldn't allow herself to be the cause of it any longer. Nicky didn't deserve to live in constant worry and fear because of her and her choices. A frown melded onto her face. She despised herself for hurting Nicky so much and so damn often. That was never, ever, her intention.

"I hope you're being honest, babe. I don't want you hurting yourself anymore. And if you do hurt yourself, I don't want you keeping silent. You deserve to have love and support with everything that you're suffering with. I know you're used to doing things alone but, baby, you're not alone anymore. I'm here. I'm here, Lorna, and I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be afraid of being open with me about anything, I promise. I want to support you through all of this; I love you and I want to take care of you, doll."

Albeit the guilt creeping up within her upon hearing such a heartfelt speech from a person who clearly—profusely—loved her, Lorna pushed past the feeling and let her lips naturally curve up into a smile. She tightened her hand around the phone on her ear, wishing Nicky was physically there beside her so she could engulf her in one of the biggest hugs possible. Because contrary to the guilt, how those sweet, loving, words that Nicky spoke to her made her feel was like a damn puddle of mush. Made her feel like all she wanted—desired—to do in that moment was to take Nicky in her arms and hold her for an eternity or two.

However, being that they were separated by a phone call and a distance of a few miles, Lorna couldn't give into the desire right then. All she could do now was snuggle into the mattress of her bed, a smile on her face, and the phone lovingly embraced against her ear. She would never ever fucking understand how the hell she got graced with Nicky in her life—how she, Lorna fucking batshit Morello, was every truly worthy or deserving of a beautiful soul like her sweet Nicky Nichols. But she vowed to herself and God, or whoever the higher being was, she would never go a day without making sure Nicky knew just how appreciated and adored she was for every last thing that she'd done for Lorna.

Tranquilly shaking herself from her thoughts, Lorna gazed across the room at a spontaneous spot on the wall and felt her smile slightly widen. "I promise, hon, I'm being honest. I appreciate you and your concern more than I can explain, Nicky. You're the sweetest and I wish you were right next me to so I could give ya a real big hug right now. But I'll save that for the next time I see you. I love you so, so, much honey. I'm real glad you're with Alex tonight, I hope you two have a relaxing evening. You deserve that, Nicky, you're always so stressed," her voice warmly murmured against the receiver of the phone.

Nicky let out a breath and rested her head on the back of the chair she was seated on. Eyes remained looking out at the beautiful night sky. Even though it was only half past seven, it looked like midnight. Spring may have been on the cusp but it certainly wasn't wholly there yet. She snuffled and switched what ear she had the phone pressed up to. "I'll be there first thing in the morning, Lorna. And I'll give you a hug. The longest, closest, warmest hug possible, doll. I love you. Please take care of yourself tonight, get some rest. And if you need anything, kid, please call me. No matter what time it is," Nicky sternly told her, a mere command.

She didn't trust that hospital after hearing of the nightly visit Mr. Morello paid Lorna the other day. The back of her mind wouldn't let go of that memory. Wouldn't let go of the worry she felt leaving Lorna all alone in that particular hospital. That hospital where her sick, twisted, father also happened to be a patient at. Nicky loathed the thought of Lorna being in the same building as him, even more so now that she'd found what all she'd been put through. And with no one there to protect and keep her safe if he decided to go in for round two.

A sigh came out as she watched a light twinkle through the sky. The two had reluctantly said goodbye and Nicky listened for the line to click off. She wasn't the fondest of hanging up a call with Lorna so had long decided she would let Lorna do the hanging up any time they had a phone conversation.

Several minutes passed since the call had ended and Nicky remained set in the wicker chair on the patio of her best friend's backyard. The phone still gripped against her ear even though there was no sound coming from it any longer. She quickly became immersed with her thoughts the longer she stayed in her current position. It wasn't until the backdoor of Alex's house opened and the very person walked through it and over to sit in the other wicker chair right beside hers that she finally let herself regroup on the out there world.

Situating herself on the chair beside her, Alex turned slightly to peer her over. Trying to decipher what possibly the younger girl was feeling or thinking. Still not sure she trusted Nicky wouldn't act on the anger or rage. Her desire for revenge. She reached over the table that separated their seats and placed a tender on one of Nicky's. "It's not that chilly out here, guess it'll be spring sooner than we thought huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I prefer winter but Lorna's excited for spring. And I like seeing Lorna smile so I guess I'll have to learn to tolerate spring," Nicky muttered in response, eyes retaining their gaze out into the starry sky. With everything Lorna had gone through, she deserved something to be happy about. Even if it was only the changing of seasons. Something so simple to the rest of them but clearly held a sentimental value to her girlfriend. Nicky certainly wouldn't do a damn thing to ruin it for her.

Alex nodded and the two sat in silence for a few minutes. Both looking at the star filled sky above.

"Fuck, Vause, ya got any cigs or anything to smoke?" Nicky broke the quiet spell, shifting her head to finally peer back at the older woman. Fingers from her free hand tapped rhythmically against the arm of the chair.

With a faint snicker, Alex brought her shoulders up in a shrug and threw up her hands in a light-hearted retaliation. "I'm outta cigarettes but I do have some weed. It's actually from when my mom was sick—it was the only thing that helped the pain from her treatment," she told her, a pang forming in her chest to bring up her mother. Still a sore subject but a lot less than when it first happened.

Observing her as she spoke Nicky was easily able to see the faint pain that expressed itself momentarily on Alex's face. She instinctively squeezed the hand holding hers tightly and gave a nod of acknowledgement to her. There wasn't much she could relate to—her own biological mother didn't give two shits about her but she did have Red now and if she ever had to lose Red…she couldn't even fathom how much pain that would cause her. Red was a better mother than Marka could ever even dream to be.

"Oh, Al, I'm sorry. We don't have to touch any of that—"

Alex waved a hand in the air and shook her head. The pang faded and a smile displayed itself on her face. It would never be entirely easy to talk about her mother no matter how much time had gone by since her death but she also knew her mother wouldn't want her to be stuck in a muck for the rest of her life over her own demise. Mrs. Vause did everything she could so that Alex could have a better life than she had growing up and Alex refused to waste whatever time she had on this planet drowning in self-pity.

"I mean there's no use in it just sitting in the cupboard, it'll just get stale. Plus I've been smokin' a little of it each night since my mom's passing, anyway. It's the only way I can get any real sleep, ya know?"

Brushing her fingers gingerly along the flesh of her hand, Nicky tilted her head and stared apprehensively across at the darker haired woman. Concern forming after hearing her best friend's disclosure. "Yeah, ya make a good point there. It'd be a waste for it to just sit," she responded agreeably but still held an apprehensive expression upon her face. "How big is this bottle of weed ya got, Vause? Didn't ya lose her over a year ago? Must be a pretty big bottle of weed to last ya this long, huh?"

"Well, I still have the prescription for it from my mom and, uh, her doctor gave her quite a few refills she could use and luckily the pharmacist knows me and, uh, hooks me up when I go. But it's not often I have to refill it, I only smoke like a pinch or less of it a night. Just enough to relax me so I can fall asleep," Alex hurriedly responded, averting her eyes away from Nicky and back out onto the starry sky.

"Hmm," the redhead teenager hummed, tightening her hand around Alex's after having switched the positions of them. "That sounds healthy, Al. Taking weed to help ya sleep every night. Sounds a little on the addictive side if ya ask me. But I mean I guess weed's healthier to be addicted to than heroin, yeah?"

"Weed is basically a plant, so, technically that's a freebie. Right? Not like I smoke it all day long or anything, it's just a sleep aide like melatonin but better."

Nicky slightly narrowed her eyes despite the chuckle that naturally escaped her. Both shoulders bounced forward, merely touching the sides of her face. Who the hell was she to judge anyone? The question popped through her mind. She had her own issues, certainly she had no room to be judging her best friend for something as innocent as a little pinch of weed before bed. But, yet, she couldn't stop from somewhat worrying for the older girl. The older girl who was clearly an adult and could make much more rational decisions than she could.

"Sure, Al. Whatever makes ya feel better about your choices," she tried to joked but the expression on Alex's face told her she failed at the attempt.

Crossing her arms defensively over her chest, the black-haired woman stared hard at her best friend. Fingers tapped impatiently against the sleeve of her other arm. "Do ya wanna smoke weed or not?" The curtness in her tone surprised herself after she'd said it. She hadn't meant for her voice to sound so bitter but the fact that Nicky may have been thinking or assuming that her little nightly weed routine was a problem of sorts didn't sit particularly well with her.

Exhaling gradually, Nicky nodded fervently and reached to place a comforting hand on the still rather wary Alex. Eyes stared back at her, softer and gentler than the blue ones aimed at herself. She shouldn't have been so quick to make any judgements, she silently scolded herself. Alex clearly had a valid reasoning behind her decision and technically, weed was a plant and not some hardcore drug like her beloved heroin happened to be.

She sighed, patting her hand softly atop the shoulder she had seconds ago placed it. "Yes, I really…really wanna smoke weed right now. I'm sorry for upsetting ya, Al, I just worry bout' ya. But you're right, weed ain't shit compared to all the other drugs out there."

"It's fine. I'm sorry, too. I don't really talk about my mom or weed habits with anyone so I wasn't expecting that." Alex pushed up from her seat, clasped her hands loudly together, and threw a smile to her friend. "Enough chit chat, I'll be back with the weed and pipe. I prefer smoking it out here, honestly. It keeps the smell outta the house and I always find the effects work better when I smoke it outside."

Watching the taller woman vanish back through the kitchen door, Nicky felt a random pang of guilt creep up inside her chest. Regret overcame her now that she was alone once more with her thoughts. She really needed to learn how to not act so damn impulsively. Her impulses would eventually end up hurting the people she cared about which wasn't something she wanted to happen. The only people she wanted to hurt were people who deserved it. People like Lorna's uncle and father. Not people like Alex or Lorna.

Thoughts were swiftly—and gratefully—interrupted by the sound of the door swinging open and boisterous footsteps making their way over to the wicker chair on the other side of the small table separating it from hers. Nicky turned her head in direction of the noise, observing as Alex sat down again in her earlier spot and placed the bottle of weed along with the pipe and lighter onto the glass surface between the two of them.

"Too bad Lorna's stuck in the hospital right now. I bet she'd join us out here for a smoke, yeah?" Alex arched an eyebrow at Nicky while popping the lid off of the medical marijuana bottle she'd set on the surface of the table.

Tilting her head to one side of her shoulder, Nicky returned the stare but wasn't sure if she agreed with the idea of having Lorna join them for a smoke. Lorna already had such a frantic mind, the last thing she needed was for it to be massively intensified by the high that smoking weed produced. They already attempted that before at the party many months prior and that hadn't gone over entirely well.

"Yeah I wish she were here instead but not sure weed is a good idea for her right now."

Grabbing a pinch of the cannabis from the opened bottle, Alex stopped what she was doing and lifted her head to look back at the redhead across from her. Eyebrows remained curved curiously over her blue eyes. "Why not? I mean she did it before when we went to that party of your friend's and it didn't do anything crazy to her."

Nicky watched as Alex held the pipe full of weed in her hands and grabbed the lighter with her other hand. A sigh came out of her. Her eyes momentarily shifted away from the other, peering out into the night once more. She ran her hands through her thick mane of red hair and drew in a breath. "Yeah, I know, but that was before I knew Lorna was fucking starving herself. I don't know what weed would do to her if she's not even eating enough. But it doesn't matter now, anyway, she's not here to do it."

A nod was given in response to her statement. Getting high on marijuana likely wasn't the safest choice when one's body was undernourished. Alex placed the lighter underneath the bowl and brought the straw closer to her mouth until it was effortlessly able to be sucked in inside of it. Two rather swift inhales were slowly taken in and released once she'd taken the straw back out of her mouth. Clouds of air escaped her as she handed the device over to Nicky.

"She'd probably just feel an exaggerated sensation of highness. Even from this tiny amount we're doing right now. Yeah, it's probably good she's not here to feel enticed to smoke it."

Mirroring Alex's previous actions, Nicky waited for the sound of the crackling cannabis before she inhaled deeply through the skinny part of the pipe. Once she released her lips from the rim of it and set both the lighter and pipe back onto the table, she exhaled slowly and let her body completely relax. It was a muted sense of peace that now loomed over her. Not quite as intense as what heroin made her feel but sufficient at easing away the majority of her worries and stresses for the time being.

The stars suddenly appeared larger and brighter in the sky above her. Lips innately curled into a smile. Maybe smoking outside on a dark night like this was something she should be doing more often. She felt more than relaxed sitting on the most comfortable wicker chair she'd ever sat on with the best weed she'd ever smoked, with one of the best friends' she'd ever made. Nothing bothered her in that specific moment. Nothing bothered her other than the fact that she could go for another hit.

So she grabbed the pipe and lighter once more, repeating her movements from just moments ago and the smile on her face doubled in size after she breathed out a smoky breath. "There, I had a smoke for Lorna too. If she can't be here, might as well commemorate in her honor. Yeah? She'd want us to. Hell, she did tell me she wanted us to have fun for her and fuck—weed is fun, so the more the better. The happier Lorna is for us," a snicker corresponded her comment.

With a chuckle of her own, Alex copied Nicky's gesture and took a second hit of the weed as well. As air funneled its way out through her mouth, she nodded her agreement and placed her hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "Exactly, Lorna would want us to smoke weed for her. So, it's only fair that we abide by her wishes. When she's better and out of the hospital, she can come over and have a smoke of her own."

"Perfect. As long as she's eating decently."